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HOT TOPIC Lacking grit.........How do I fix it?

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mws87

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Hey

I just joined the forum last night and have been reading through quite a few of the gold threads all of which have some great content, so I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this great resource.

This is my first post and I'm afraid it's a little negative. Although I hope it will be constructive as well. A few weeks ago I read a book called "Grit: The power of Passion and perseverance". For those of you who haven't read it, it basically says that grit (made up from passion & perseverance), is way more important than talent and is the biggest factor in achieving success.

In one of the chapters it has this test where you answer some questions and then it gives you a score for how gritty you are. So i do the test trying to be as honest as possible and then I check my score. My score is pathetic, putting me in the bottom 20% of the population. I tell myself this must be some kind of mistake and retake the test, thinking very carefully about each answer. Still, I have a terrible score.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit. When something gets a bit too tough or boring or I don't see the point in it any more, I give up, I have done most of my life. I've disguised these decisions with all kinds of excuses but I see now that it is a weakness of mine and something I need to fix.

I'm currently working on a prototype for a web/mobile app, it meets the CENTS criteria and I’m determined to make it a success. However, I'm really worried that when it starts to get tough, as it surely will, that I'll quit and be back at square one again.

It seems that so many of the people in this forum have so much grit, determination, hustle.......call it what you will, and I'd like to ask you all whether you were always like this or whether you had to develop it and what strategies do you use to keep yourself from quitting when it gets hard or boring or seems hopeless?

Thanks in advance for the replies.





You remind me a lot of how I used to think/act. It seems like you get discouraged, then dwell on it; constantly thinking about it until it eats all your confidence and shits it out. It also seems like you have an obsessive mindset when it comes to constantly hanging on to things (like the test results)

You know there are ways you can use this to your advantage, right? All it takes is your mental acceptance—accept you've made some goofs in the past; accept that you scored lower than you anticipated on a 10 question quiz, which—to me, anyway—seems like the equivalent of those "which character are you!?!?!" quizzes on Facebook; accept that you are in the bottom 20% of the population.

Now, once you've accepted it, take all that self-pity, self-doubt, and lack of confidence and ball it up and throw that shit in the trash. Or, even better, the toilet. Flush it and watch it spin down the drain and let it go; move on. I bet that if every successful entrepreneur took this test before they were successful they would have score the same or lower than you. That's the beauty of growing. You can be different, and you can improve your mindset. You just have to make a conscious effort to accept certain things and make adjustments where necessary. A freakin' 10 question "quiz" can't determine or control your destiny, man. Only you can. Stop relinquishing control of your life because some basic HTML poll told you to. Take your test results as feedback, improve, and kick a$$. Focus on your project. When you get those urges to quit, realize your brain is telling you that you're outside of your comfort zone and it's freaking out. It's normal. Outside of basic survival, fear is a great opportunity for growth and development.

Just remember, most things are learned behavior. You've got to learn that you're likely the only thing holding you back, your personal beliefs (or self-defeating/limiting beliefs). You didn't develop your thought-process/mindset overnight, so just remember you're not going to vastly improve/change your mindset overnight. It's a practice—perfect it and adapt.

Best wishes to you and your project. Don't raise the white flag if your project crumbles to the ground. Salvage the useful nuggets from the rubble of the experience and take them with you to rebuild.

Cheers.
 

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Green Destiny

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You remind me a lot of how I used to think/act. It seems like you get discouraged, then dwell on it; constantly thinking about it until it eats all your confidence and shits it out. It also seems like you have an obsessive mindset when it comes to constantly hanging on to things (like the test results)

You know there are ways you can use this to your advantage, right? All it takes is your mental acceptance—accept you've made some goofs in the past; accept that you scored lower than you anticipated on a 10 question quiz, which—to me, anyway—seems like the equivalent of those "which character are you!?!?!" quizzes on Facebook; accept that you are in the bottom 20% of the population.

Now, once you've accepted it, take all that self-pity, self-doubt, and lack of confidence and ball it up and throw that shit in the trash. Or, even better, the toilet. Flush it and watch it spin down the drain and let it go; move on. I bet that if every successful entrepreneur took this test before they were successful they would have score the same or lower than you. That's the beauty of growing. You can be different, and you can improve your mindset. You just have to make a conscious effort to accept certain things and make adjustments where necessary. A freakin' 10 question "quiz" can't determine or control your destiny, man. Only you can. Stop relinquishing control of your life because some basic HTML poll told you to. Take your test results as feedback, improve, and kick a$$. Focus on your project. When you get those urges to quit, realize your brain is telling you that you're outside of your comfort zone and it's freaking out. It's normal. Outside of basic survival, fear is a great opportunity for growth and development.

Just remember, most things are learned behavior. You've got to learn that you're likely the only thing holding you back, your personal beliefs (or self-defeating/limiting beliefs). You didn't develop your thought-process/mindset overnight, so just remember you're not going to vastly improve/change your mindset overnight. It's a practice—perfect it and adapt.

Best wishes to you and your project. Don't raise the white flag if your project crumbles to the ground. Salvage the useful nuggets from the rubble of the experience and take them with you to rebuild.

Cheers.
Thanks for your thoughts. Lot's of great advice here. I suppose subconsciously I must have bought into the whole "cult of the entrepreneur" thing where by we are told that they are made of different stuff to the rest of us and if you haven't started a business by the time you're 16 and made your first million by 18 then you clearly don't have it in you.

I caught myself in a similar scenario but on the different end of the scale today by a random thing I read. Turns out I am the same age as the average age of a founder of "Unicorn" app when they started it. But then I thought to myself that it seems just as silly to take confidence from that as it is to lose confidence due to the answers to some little quiz.

I also feel better as I've had a couple of really productive days since I started this thread and whereas before when I got discouraged I usually ended up being really unproductive for a while after, this time I was able to work through it. Thanks to a quick call from @Vigilante ,it kind of jump started me to get going again.

I feel though that I'm in a better position now to recognise these "self-defeating/limiting" beliefs as you describe them for what they are and perhaps next time they crop up instead of wallowing in them and letting them discourage me I can accept them, recognise them and then overcome them.

Also, I set the forum to my homepage and seeing a community of like minded people striving for similar goals throughout the day is a good reminder to me to keep on going.

Thanks again.
 
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Green Destiny

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Sometimes it feels like you are doing so much work and getting nowhere. It may seem like a huge task and at times you will begin to waver in interest. I believe a lot of people have the problem that they want it all now and if it doesn't work within a few weeks or on the first attempt they give up. Just remember you CAN move a mountain. You'll just have to do it one shovel full at a time.
Yeah. I was a lot like how you describe. That's kind of the problem. Haha. But actually in my work and studies I always look to break down a problem into smaller parts in a divide and conquer type pattern but for some reason I couldn't quite apply this to my personal or business life. A blind spot I guess.

p.s How do you quote multiple people in one post in this forum?
 

TheDillon__

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When you get those urges to quit, realize your brain is telling you that you're outside of your comfort zone and it's freaking out.
Oh man, I've never thought about it like this before! I can't tell you how big of a lightbulb this just set off for me.

I've been needing to get on the phone and cold call for idea extraction recently (a la Dane Maxwell,) but every time I think about it I get uneasy and put it off.

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you.
 

Vigilante

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I've been needing to get on the phone and cold call for idea extraction recently (a la Dane Maxwell,) but every time I think about it I get uneasy and put it off.
Perhaps that's because the whole concept of idea extraction is bullshit to most people. Your gut might be right.
 

nradam123

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I suppose what the book did was make me question whether I was cut out to succeed with my own business. In the back of my mind I have another idea that I was considering and so at the moment I'm in a situation where I'm second guessing myself a lot. Like you say I just need to commit to the process and keep going. Thanks.
I am in my 10th fastlane month and I am yet to make $1000. The simple reason behind my slow growth is that I am really aggressive when i start and then I slow down because I will start second guessing. I do not hold on to anything for long because I tend to look at everything as an event and will want to jump to the next shiny golden idea. Beware, that is a fantasy land. If there is something I tried to improve really hard in the last 10 months of fastlane journey it is to improve that bad habit of mine.

So I have some tips that works for me, may not work for you but you can try.

Lets start with a quote - “Spend each day trying to be a little wiser than you were when you woke up. Day by day, and at the end of the day-if you live long enough-like most people, you will get out of life what you deserve.” - Charlie Munger

There is a famous book called Managing Oneself by Peter Drucker (You can take my notes, its going to help you - http://www.evernote.com/l/ArmnBIKqowND75bj5Uaxo_u_7RpaRRlcJrA/). The author Peter Drucker says that the way you perform is given on birth (Along with your strength). So my goal is to find the way "I" perform for maximum efficiency. So I was conducting a lot of personal experiments with the way I work in the past several months. I will share them with you.

Things that helped me -
1) Identifying my main focus and promising that I will not change that focus for next 10 months. My main focuses are -
- Getting Sales for freelance web desiging (Highest Priority)
- Fulfilling customer orders to 100% satisfaction (A very close second priority)
- Learning coding (Third priority)
Whenever I get some shiny new idea that does not match with the above main focus areas I shut it down instantly.

2) Rewarding Small Wins -
You and I will spend 99% of our time in the process and 1% in the event called success. Since you will be in the process for most of your life you better learn to enjoy it. The way i reward myself is -
- I have a jar of nuts on my table. Whenever I complete something I will reward myself by eating from the jar.
- I go out for a walk every night near my home after a day of hard work.

Basically what I am trying to tell you is that I am reframing my mind to believe that the process is the win, not the result. Reward yourself if you take some action instead of rewarding yourself only when you get results. Its also fun because you will feel like you are winning everyday haha.

3) Reading books -
I read everyday. If I read everyday for some strange reason I feel that I am focusing a lot more.

4) Working Hard -
Working hard means how long you will sit down on your chair to work. I have a process to work hard. Everyday morning I wake up at 7, takes a bath, gets nicely dressed and then sits down to work. And I work for 10 hours or so a day before I do anything else. I do not have any entertainment during this time.

5) Working Fast - (Experimental - I am still testing this process)
Working fast means how focused you are. I have a process to work fast. I have a huge timer on my tablet which I keep on whenever I work on my laptop. And I keep it for 3 hours or so. Before I set it up I will decide what to work on those 3 hours. Its almost like an examination, I keep 3 hours to finish my work before the exam gets over.

Test some of the ideas that I told you. But remember to find what works for you.

Regards
Adam
 
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Green Destiny

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I am in my 10th fastlane month and I am yet to make $1000. The simple reason behind my slow growth is that I am really aggressive when i start and then I slow down because I will start second guessing. I do not hold on to anything for long because I tend to look at everything as an event and will want to jump to the next shiny golden idea. Beware, that is a fantasy land. If there is something I tried to improve really hard in the last 10 months of fastlane journey it is to improve that bad habit of mine.

So I have some tips that works for me, may not work for you but you can try.

Lets start with a quote - “Spend each day trying to be a little wiser than you were when you woke up. Day by day, and at the end of the day-if you live long enough-like most people, you will get out of life what you deserve.” - Charlie Munger

There is a famous book called Managing Oneself by Peter Drucker (You can take my notes, its going to help you - http://www.evernote.com/l/ArmnBIKqowND75bj5Uaxo_u_7RpaRRlcJrA/). The author Peter Drucker says that the way you perform is given on birth (Along with your strength). So my goal is to find the way "I" perform for maximum efficiency. So I was conducting a lot of personal experiments with the way I work in the past several months. I will share them with you.

Things that helped me -
1) Identifying my main focus and promising that I will not change that focus for next 10 months. My main focuses are -
- Getting Sales for freelance web desiging (Highest Priority)
- Fulfilling customer orders to 100% satisfaction (A very close second priority)
- Learning coding (Third priority)
Whenever I get some shiny new idea that does not match with the above main focus areas I shut it down instantly.

2) Rewarding Small Wins -
You and I will spend 99% of our time in the process and 1% in the event called success. Since you will be in the process for most of your life you better learn to enjoy it. The way i reward myself is -
- I have a jar of nuts on my table. Whenever I complete something I will reward myself by eating from the jar.
- I go out for a walk every night near my home after a day of hard work.

Basically what I am trying to tell you is that I am reframing my mind to believe that the process is the win, not the result. Reward yourself if you take some action instead of rewarding yourself only when you get results. Its also fun because you will feel like you are winning everyday haha.

3) Reading books -
I read everyday. If I read everyday for some strange reason I feel that I am focusing a lot more.

4) Working Hard -
Working hard means how long you will sit down on your chair to work. I have a process to work hard. Everyday morning I wake up at 7, takes a bath, gets nicely dressed and then sits down to work. And I work for 10 hours or so a day before I do anything else. I do not have any entertainment during this time.

5) Working Fast - (Experimental - I am still testing this process)
Working fast means how focused you are. I have a process to work fast. I have a huge timer on my tablet which I keep on whenever I work on my laptop. And I keep it for 3 hours or so. Before I set it up I will decide what to work on those 3 hours. Its almost like an examination, I keep 3 hours to finish my work before the exam gets over.

Test some of the ideas that I told you. But remember to find what works for you.

Regards
Adam
Lot's of really useful ideas in here. Thanks for taking the time to post this and the link to your notes. I think points 1 and 2 are the ones I have to work on.
 

TheDillon__

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Perhaps that's because the whole concept of idea extraction is bullshit to most people. Your gut might be right.
Who knows, could definitely turn out to be bullshit!

That said, I don't mind taking a few months to give it a shot. Worst case, I lose a few months and leave with an improved sense of self-discipline. Or on the other hand, I very well could leave with a business idea!

Guess we'll find out!
 

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StompingAcorns

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I think grit is a decision you make, not a character trait. If you want grit, then decide to have grit. Then go do it. Don't let some book or test or mouth in front of the room tell you who you are and who you're not.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit. When something gets a bit too tough or boring or I don't see the point in it any more, I give up, I have done most of my life.
I'm willing to work my a$$ off, I'm willing to look an idiot if it all goes wrong, I'm willing to come out of it with nothing if it all goes wrong,and i'm willing to try again until i get it right. Is this not enough?
Which is it? The latter sounds like grit, to me.

I bet you could take any aspect of yourself and find evidence that you do have it and evidence that you don't have it. Maybe you could focus on the evidence of the grit you already have, and build on that. View it as strengthening your grit rather than grasping after something you lack completely.

Also, when you talk about things in the abstract, e.g., having grit or not, it's much harder to make any realistic assessment or plan of action. Try thinking of it in more concrete terms. If you want more grit, then ask yourself what a person with grit would do. Then add those things to your action plan and measure how well you do.
 
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Green Destiny

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I think grit is a decision you make, not a character trait. If you want grit, then decide to have grit. Then go do it. Don't let some book or test or mouth in front of the room tell you who you are and who you're not.



Which is it? The latter sounds like grit, to me.

I bet you could take any aspect of yourself and find evidence that you do have it and evidence that you don't have it. Maybe you could focus on the evidence of the grit you already have, and build on that. View it as strengthening your grit rather than grasping after something you lack completely.

Also, when you talk about things in the abstract, e.g., having grit or not, it's much harder to make any realistic assessment or plan of action. Try thinking of it in more concrete terms. If you want more grit, then ask yourself what a person with grit would do. Then add those things to your action plan and measure how well you do.
I think my problem was that I've just kinda meandered through life so far rather than taking it on with any great energy. Because I've never really been so emotionally invested in a process before, I think when I considered the possibility of failing it hit me harder this time since this is the first time I've been bothered whether something works out or not. Then I read that book and it caught me off guard I suppose.

Before I always had the attitude that there will always be other jobs/careers/relationships/friendships/whatever, so I wasn't too bothered if something never worked out. Maybe subconsciously I formed this attitude to protect me from failure by not trying too hard in the first place, I don't know. I realise that sounds quite bad to admit but, there you go.

Whereas now, because I have invested so much into my business idea already, the thought of messing it up and the feelings this provoked kind of took me by surprise as I've never really cared enough about anything before. I now realise to look on things as a process from now on and not just a bunch of random events and that even if this individual project doesn't work out, I'll still be in a better position and mindset to start something else and try again. However I'm really excited and energised by my current project and I'm confident it will work.

Thanks for your thoughts.
 

nradam123

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I just asked my friend who is a really good pickup artist how he is able to hustle so hard. I will paste his answer here -

If things don’t fit under a big picture, they become emotionless goals that need willpower to keep working out. You need the right emotions to give you energy. Though this does need a heavy amount of self exploration but I believe its worth it. That’s the difference between a pro and an amateur. In every aspect of life people carrying big pictures, why dont their standards fall? The F*cking goal is tied to a big picture, the energy isn’t coming from mere willpower. Its that future reality calling you to put your best foot forward. And that kinda shit, you only can get that from a vision of a better life. Not from small goals. “I will meditate this month", 6 days down the line the goal falls apart. You’re too sleepy, too bored blah blah. BIG PICTURE man. BIG PICTURE. That’s why Tony Robbins would ask you to write goals for 10 years down the line. Because those goals aren’t goals, they all tie up and become a vision or for who you want to become.

I think this is very important as well. Gary Vaynerchuk calls this Cloud (Big Picture) and Dirt (Hustle). Cloud and dirt are in the two extremes and you need to push hard to expand in both directions.

Super key.
This mindset will be a game changer (Note to myself as well)
 

Omega

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Oh man, I've never thought about it like this before! I can't tell you how big of a lightbulb this just set off for me.

I've been needing to get on the phone and cold call for idea extraction recently (a la Dane Maxwell,) but every time I think about it I get uneasy and put it off.

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you.


I believe once you start making a sliver of money, grit and everything else will soon develop.

Once the spark kindles the wood, it'll ignite a flame within you.

I don't make much, but when I first started flipping I spent maybe 20 minutes looking at a bike here and there and making 30-50$ profit.My last deal made 250$ profit and my next will give me even more.It's safe to say that I spend significantly more time flipping now because I actually made some tangible money and saw results, but it took longer than expected.

Just stick it out and persevere.Get on that phone and make a call even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I guarantee you it'll get much easier calling when you've already made 5K from doing it.
 

TheDillon__

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I believe once you start making a sliver of money, grit and everything else will soon develop.

Once the spark kindles the wood, it'll ignite a flame within you.

I don't make much, but when I first started flipping I spent maybe 20 minutes looking at a bike here and there and making 30-50$ profit.My last deal made 250$ profit and my next will give me even more.It's safe to say that I spend significantly more time flipping now because I actually made some tangible money and saw results, but it took longer than expected.

Just stick it out and persevere.Get on that phone and make a call even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I guarantee you it'll get much easier calling when you've already made 5K from doing it.
Much appreciated my man! I'll definitely take this to heart.
 

nradam123

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I believe once you start making a sliver of money, grit and everything else will soon develop.

Once the spark kindles the wood, it'll ignite a flame within you.
I know right? The cycle goes like this -
1) You work half assed because you don't know whether the work you put will give any results
2) First sale happens
3) You have more grit. Your belief that your work leads to money is more reinforced.
You go back to step 1 with more grit than earlier.
The cycle continues.

This is why for most of us the first sale, first date, first girlfriend .etc is such a memorable moment. Because it just reinforces the belief that we are badass and that the work we put will lead to success.

To summarize - "Your mind believes in proof, not promise"
 

W4RHRSE

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Think less... Do more.

Don't worry about where you rate in this or that... Use it as a guide, but you are NOT stuck there.

Move forward. Don't think, analize and question... Just do!

You will do fine!
 

nradam123

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And lastly, do you have a future clipboard?
The clipboard that shows your future? That you can open up when you need some extra fuel?

Here is mine - http://www.evernote.com/l/ArlNguQeLRlIeYzO9N3uW-FVEUlTwQjXksQ/
PLEASE NOTE: I will delete this link immediately if its against forum rules to post links to pictures with too much skin :)
 
D

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Ouch, that's even lower than my score. Haha.

Schadenfreude is horrible isn't it. :embarrased:
I got 1.30, don't mind schadenfreude.
Lack of grit is quality I now value, because changing my fields of interest on daily basis is giving me more ideas and angles than anything else.
 

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Evil_Jester

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Would you say you have a track record of success?
If not, start small and work up.

If you win 10 boxing matches in a row, are you confident about the 11th fight?
 

nradam123

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The MFCEO project - One source of solid nourishment to my own lack of grit.
You always got some awesome helpful stuff haha. Nice podcast, especially while commuting. And I hope your business myfocusdesk is getting better.
 

ravenspear

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I haven't read the book but it seems to me that grit could be another term for the determination to execute, and in TMF MJ agrees that the level of execution you have is usually more important than the idea itself.
 

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