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Worried about what people think about me

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

JohnFuture

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Hi there,

Quite often I feel that in my head I think that every person where I go or meet either at work/outside work is judging me. I know that people do that in general, but I overthink and make my self-small, without expressing my self fully, I hold a lot to my self. I do fascinate people who don't care about what others think.

I know that this anxiety comes from my childhood, where my parents didn't let me express my self fully and in a school, I wasn't smartest in the education system, thus people never listened to me nor accepted my opinion.

How do I deal with this, since I know the roots, perhaps I should see a psychologist?
 
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DVU

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1. Don't play the "parent" victim card

2. Worrying about things you can't change is stupid

As simple as that
 

JohnFuture

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1. Don't play the "parent" victim card

2. Worrying about things you can't change is stupid

As simple as that

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean, I have learned not to blame anyone, it's up to me either to accept it or change it.

For example, when I have to do a presentation in front of people, I feel anxious that I am being judged. I try quickly to kick out that thaught and then it becomes a bit easier.
 
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DVU

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I know that this anxiety comes from my childhood, where my parents didn't let me express my self fully and in a school, I wasn't smartest in the education system, thus people never listened to me nor accepted my opinion.

I have learned not to blame anyone, it's up to me either to accept it or change it.

You are contradicting yourself there.

If you knew not to blame anyone that you would have started this thread.

People judging you is just a part of life. Learn to ignore it and not give it any weight.

If there are things you think people are judging you for, than improve that. If you can't, accept them and move on.
 

JohnFuture

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You are contradicting yourself there.

If you knew not to blame anyone that you would have started this thread.

People judging you is just a part of life. Learn to ignore it and not give it any weight.

If there are things you think people are judging you for, than improve that. If you can't, accept them and move on.
I wouldn't create a thread to blame someone only, it was just a reference why I feel it so, and it took me many years to figure out why I felt like this. I would prefer to be quite in the backstage rather than express my self-front of the people. Just thought there is someone with a similar case and would be interesting to hear its story. Perhaps this isn't the right forum for this one.
 

MTEE1985

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Hi there,

Quite often I feel that in my head I think that every person where I go or meet either at work/outside work is judging me. I know that people do that in general, but I overthink and make my self-small, without expressing my self fully, I hold a lot to my self. I do fascinate people who don't care about what others think.

I know that this anxiety comes from my childhood, where my parents didn't let me express my self fully and in a school, I wasn't smartest in the education system, thus people never listened to me nor accepted my opinion.

How do I deal with this, since I know the roots, perhaps I should see a psychologist?

Do you judge other people?

If you do then that may be the reason you feel like you are being judged.

If you don’t, then you should realize nobody is judging you.

Sure human nature is to judge, but it only lasts 3-5 seconds, then we move on with our lives.

There is no magic pill here, but I promise there is nothing to be anxious about.

*Edit* Think about your priorities as well. Tonight I’ll be dressed up like the Dad from “The Incredibles” not because I want to, but because it will make my son’s day. Will people judge me? Maybe. Do I care? Not at all.
 
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luniac

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Hi there,

Quite often I feel that in my head I think that every person where I go or meet either at work/outside work is judging me. I know that people do that in general, but I overthink and make my self-small, without expressing my self fully, I hold a lot to my self. I do fascinate people who don't care about what others think.

I know that this anxiety comes from my childhood, where my parents didn't let me express my self fully and in a school, I wasn't smartest in the education system, thus people never listened to me nor accepted my opinion.

How do I deal with this, since I know the roots, perhaps I should see a psychologist?

Don't give up, you WILL get over it, I promise.
It takes time to stop giving a F*ck.
 

JohnFuture

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Very good tips from all of you, will do and not think about the judgment part. Thank you!
 

rpeck90

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Hi there,

Quite often I feel that in my head I think that every person where I go or meet either at work/outside work is judging me. I know that people do that in general, but I overthink and make my self-small, without expressing my self fully, I hold a lot to my self. I do fascinate people who don't care about what others think.

I know that this anxiety comes from my childhood, where my parents didn't let me express my self fully and in a school, I wasn't smartest in the education system, thus people never listened to me nor accepted my opinion.

How do I deal with this, since I know the roots, perhaps I should see a psychologist?

Would strongly recommend reading "Breaking Out of Homeostasis" by Ludvig Sunstrom: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077ZZ1DK2/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

It's only on Kindle at present but has a bunch of stuff you're referring to - I think the Amygdala section is what you're looking for. You can download a 60+ page introduction from his website: BOOH | by Ludvig Sunström

There's a comprehensive review here:
Breaking Out of Homeostasis Review - How to Become Eternally Motivated
Your amygdala dictates your need to “fit in” with other people. It determines the extent to which you’re ruled by social norms, social status, contextual confidence, and more. Your amygdala activates in social settings, when you feel judged or threatened.
 
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Jguy91

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You’re not alone in this. Although there are some replies that imply that... I learned in a public speaking class (we had to record and watch ourselves weekly) that the nervousness and cracking voice that i feel is so obvious when im engaging with others is actually not obvious at all. So I always tell myself that my shakes and other flaws aren’t being noticed by others. For me, that makes me feel better


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

garyfritz

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I learned in a public speaking class (we had to record and watch ourselves weekly) that the nervousness and cracking voice that i feel is so obvious when im engaging with others is actually not obvious at all.
Exactly. Important thing to understand: you view everyone else from the outside, and they appear to be calm and collected. Then you view yourself from the INside, and you see a whole collection of faults and weaknesses (real or imagined). You are certain these faults must be as obvious to everyone else as they are to you.

But remember that everyone else sees you from the OUTside, just like you see them. They don't see the terrible things you see inside, just like you don't see theirs.

View yourself as others actually see you, and you will probably find you're a lot more impressive than you realized!
 

Get Right

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RayAndré

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Also, @JohnFuture, realize, that YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. You're not that special.
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ab81gCsplQ

Other people DON'T and WON'T spend their mental energy judging you when they see you do a thing that you are worried they will judge you for. THEY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

They're all too busy worrying about what you're thinking of them. Everyone is focused on themselves. ;)

Now, you don't have to stop focusing on yourself, that's not the point. Just don't focus via WORRY. Focus via I'M AWESOME and "I'm doing this because its what I want."

Period. No more analyzing/criticizing/trying-to-justify your decision.
 
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minivanman

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I do the same thing. When I was younger it prevented me from doing a lot of things. I haven't over-come it but I do deal with it much better now.
 

Kruiser

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A few people will judge you and some of the other commenters above have given some good ideas on how to deal with that.

But a lot of people overestimate by far how much other people are judging them. Most people aren't judging you at all. People don't care about you. Everyone else is concerned with their own problems and concerns.

A friend once told me once "when you are in your 20s, you care about what everyone thinks of you. When you are in your 30s, you start to stop caring what others think of you. When you hit your 40s, you realize that no one was ever thinking of you at all . . ." Don't know if that's entirely true, but at least part of it is.
 
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