Why don't I get a proper job?

[Paul David]

As i'm currently waiting for my latest business venture to take off i'm getting some push back from my Wife now about getting a "proper" job.

Even though i'm about a start as a taxi driver to supplement my income whilst my business is growing she's made a few comments now about the security that a "real" job offers. And the fact that it's less stress and I get 6 weeks paid holiday.

I've never had a job since I left school and my Wife knows working for someone else goes against everything I believe in. Yet the comments keep coming. She's now just suggested I join the Police at nearly 40 years of age. Her friend suggested to her I go and work in the Customs office last week. Wonder who will suggest something next week?

I can't wait for my new business to take off so I can shove it down their throats, i'm getting annoyed now.

 

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[Rabby]

What's the next thing your business needs most? What is it missing right now?

 

[• nikita •]

Take her shit patiently then rub it in her face when your business takes off. Perhaps the best part of success

 

[1step]

Take her shit patiently then rub it in her face when your business takes off. Perhaps the best part of success

Guessing you’re not married...

 

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[fastlanedoll]

She's now just suggested I join the Police at nearly 40 years of age.

I literally laughed out loud.

Wonder who will suggest something next week?

They may suggest you become a stripper or something.

 

[Andy Black]

As i'm currently waiting for my latest business venture to take off i'm getting some push back from my Wife now about getting a "proper" job.

Even though i'm about a start as a taxi driver to supplement my income whilst my business is growing she's made a few comments now about the security that a "real" job offers. And the fact that it's less stress and I get 6 weeks paid holiday.

I've never had a job since I left school and my Wife knows working for someone else goes against everything I believe in. Yet the comments keep coming. She's now just suggested I join the Police at nearly 40 years of age. Her friend suggested to her I go and work in the Customs office last week. Wonder who will suggest something next week?

I can't wait for my new business to take off so I can shove it down their throats, i'm getting annoyed now.

Smile, nod, and say “Thanks, I’ll check it out.” I don’t think there’s a need to shove anything down anyone’s throats. Most people are well meaning.

Sounds like an opportunity to have a heart-to-heart with your wife?

 

[Cat Lady]

My advice: ask her what's she's really scared of. My guess (I don't know her, you do) is that these comments are coming from a place of fear. She's afraid of the uncertainty that comes with business. Or she's afraid of the loss in status in the eyes of her peers that come with a spouse who doesn't have a "proper" job? Maybe her parents didn't have enough of a pension to live well in retirement and she's concerned that without you having proper job, she won't either?

Or it's coming from economic stress right now. Rather than focus on correcting the "proper" job part of it, try to focus on correcting the parts that she's concerned about. Does she worry you don't have enough money to pay basic living expenses? Is she stressed that she isn't seeing you enough as you work a lot and that's why she brings up the fact you get paid leave? Maybe she is upset because she's dealing with the burden of the household while you are working, and needs more support with the work of the household?

Getting a job is a solution in her eyes to some sort of very valid fear - so, instead of focusing on the "job" part, trying to find a solution to what is truly underneath her suggestions that isn't getting a real job. It could be supplementary income, but it could also just be that you are home at 6PM and doing the dishes or cooking dinner M-Friday. Maybe it's you saying that you will apply for a "proper job" in one year if your business hasn't succeeded. Figure out the FEAR that the solution of a "proper job" is solving, and suggest things that help tackle that real problem that aren't a "proper job."

They may suggest you become a stripper or something.

Hey don't knock it, it's an entrepreneurial opportunity, I used to be a dancer and I was my own S-corp. In the US, though, you don't get anything that looks like a "proper job" - no benefits and you don't work for anyone else. It can be fastlane, if you can put up with the regulation changes and dealing with handsy clients.

 

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[SEBASTlAN]

Hope you signed a prenup...

 

[Cat Lady]

Hope you signed a prenup...

Reading the other posts by OP, they're over £200K in debt from a failed business venture, so if there is a pre-nup, I hope it protects their wife's assets.

 

[Rabby]

My advice: ask her what's she's really scared of. My guess (I don't know her, you do) is that these comments are coming from a place of fear. She's afraid of the uncertainty that comes with business. Or she's afraid of the loss in status in the eyes of her peers that come with a spouse who doesn't have a "proper" job? Maybe her parents didn't have enough of a pension to live well in retirement and she's concerned that without you having proper job, she won't either?

Or it's coming from economic stress right now. Rather than focus on correcting the "proper" job part of it, try to focus on correcting the parts that she's concerned about. Does she worry you don't have enough money to pay basic living expenses? Is she stressed that she isn't seeing you enough as you work a lot and that's why she brings up the fact you get paid leave? Maybe she is upset because she's dealing with the burden of the household while you are working, and needs more support with the work of the household?

Getting a job is a solution in her eyes to some sort of very valid fear - so, instead of focusing on the "job" part, trying to find a solution to what is truly underneath her suggestions that isn't getting a real job. It could be supplementary income, but it could also just be that you are home at 6PM and doing the dishes or cooking dinner M-Friday. Maybe it's you saying that you will apply for a "proper job" in one year if your business hasn't succeeded. Figure out the FEAR that the solution of a "proper job" is solving, and suggest things that help tackle that real problem that aren't a "proper job."


Hey don't knock it, it's an entrepreneurial opportunity, I used to be a dancer and I was my own S-corp. In the US, though, you don't get anything that looks like a "proper job" - no benefits and you don't work for anyone else. It can be fastlane, if you can put up with the regulation changes and dealing with handsy clients.

Oh I like this answer. You dissected two very common emotions, the fear of uncertainty, and social anxiety (or shame?) based on perceived status. I hadn't even thought of the social one, but that is very apt. Uncertainty I notice all the time, because so many people see uncertainty as equivalent to danger or risk. Both of these biases can guide people right into decisions that are bad for them.

I think @Andy Black 's comment is good advice. You may want to talk this through. Find out what the real issue is. If it is uncertainty, you can address that. If it is status, you can address that too. But you need to know which emotions you're addressing.

I'll tell you, when I met Wifey, her idea of security was a government job. Entrepreneurship was probably the most ludicrous suggestion someone could make. It took time and discussion, but now her idea of security is something you control. People can cultivate more mature opinions if you help them. Of course, you also have to be willing to listen to their point of view, respect it, and talk it out in a way that's not superior or preachy.

You can also crow about it later, but that will go down much more smoothly if both you and the wife can laugh about it at that point

[/QUOTE]
handsy clients.
[/QUOTE]

Oh boy. Yeah, I bet.

 

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[Rabby]

Reading the other posts by OP, they're over £200K in debt from a failed business venture, so if there is a pre-nup, I hope it protects their wife's assets.

Yikes. That sucks, but it can be overcome. I assumed debts in the 6 figures to acquire a business, and turned it around. But you have to observe, document, plan, and adjust. Really know what you're doing to turn things around. Think about operations, and what each activity is accomplishing toward the goal. Also helps to have at least one person involved who has a conniption whenever the numbers turn toward red. There's really one main focus in this situation, and that's getting out of the hole. Any further investment (of time or capital) has to make sense in that regard.

 

[• nikita •]

Guessing you’re not married...

Thank god no Though I'm still young and know absolutely nothing about married life, I can't imagine being with someone constantly telling me to give up and get a real job. I've dated one person who was also in business and it was like a breath of fresh air.

No disrespect to people with significant others who don't understand their ventures though

 

[Kid]

Make a youtube vlog about how to get out of 200k debt. Make millions.

 

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[Devampre]

It's tough. I can only empathize so much as I'm not married. However, I too am surrounded by people that simply don't understand why I choose to do what I do.

For me it is fuel to push myself forward. I get absolutely pissed by the memories of what people have said to me with their half brained arguments.

"You gotta take what you can get"
"You're not going to be able to make money that way"
"You seem like someone that would like a secure job"
"Services don't scale"
"You are wasting your time making websites"

And so much more.

The old me used to take a lot more of this to heart. But, after seeing the lives of these people that have said such things to me. I suddenly don't seem to value their "advice" as much.

I mean, sure one needs to survive. But, one does not have to become complacent to a hell created by peers.

 

[Kid]

Make a youtube vlog about how to get out of 200k debt. Make millions.

Just to note, it wasn't irony or sarcasm.
There is a lot of people who want to get out of debt or earn cash.
YT videos about that are really in demand.

 

[minivanman]

The best way to rub it in anyone's face is to succeed. That's what I did.

What is the time limit for the business to succeed? If it's only been 2 weeks, yeah, give it more time but I mean, if you've already been waiting 2 years and haven't busted a grape in Welches back yard..... it may be time to learn to pole dance. Which means, you could also rub it in their face.....

 

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[James Klymus]

The fact that she wants stability doesn't surprise me at all. Women tend to want stability. Especially at 40, you're expected by societal norms to "have your shit together"

With that said, i'd say you have some tough decisions to make. It makes it harder for you to succeed with your wife in your ear telling you to get a job all the time. It obviously bothers you if you decided to make a forum post on it. Ideally you would want a partner who's on board with what you're doing, it sounds like your wife isn't fully on board.

Maybe YOU can ignore what she's saying and go about your entrepreneurial pursuits, but I know for me personally it would affect me and make me question what I'm doing. Even my mom telling me to go get a good job once in a while is frustrating, so I can't imagine a spouse being in my ear about it all the time.

 

[wade1mil]

Here's a different viewpoint.

Worry about today before you worry about tomorrow. If you can't survive the month, maybe you should get a job to survive. It doesn't matter if it goes against everything you believe in. You gotta do what you gotta do. And if the $200k in debt is true, you might need to look at this a little differently. Why haven't any of your previous business been able to get you out of debt? What makes you think this business will be any different? Maybe you suck at business and you're lazy.

Also, don't take this personal. I don't know anything about you. You could have had multiple million dollar businesses and some severely bad luck. In which case, I have faith it will work out. The above paragraph is assuming you've maybe had 1-2 businesses that made you a decent amount of money but you haven't been able to put together success for a while. Bottom line is it would be better to survive than get so far in debt you lose everything, including her.

Would I commit to a career like the police academy? No. But an income would be nice. Taxi driver as in Uber? Still takes discipline. Anyways, good luck mate.

 

[Paul David]

What's the next thing your business needs most? What is it missing right now?

I just need to focus on getting more clients. Send out more cold email, more linked messages etc.

 

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[Paul David]

My advice: ask her what's she's really scared of. My guess (I don't know her, you do) is that these comments are coming from a place of fear. She's afraid of the uncertainty that comes with business. Or she's afraid of the loss in status in the eyes of her peers that come with a spouse who doesn't have a "proper" job? Maybe her parents didn't have enough of a pension to live well in retirement and she's concerned that without you having proper job, she won't either?

Or it's coming from economic stress right now. Rather than focus on correcting the "proper" job part of it, try to focus on correcting the parts that she's concerned about. Does she worry you don't have enough money to pay basic living expenses? Is she stressed that she isn't seeing you enough as you work a lot and that's why she brings up the fact you get paid leave? Maybe she is upset because she's dealing with the burden of the household while you are working, and needs more support with the work of the household?

Getting a job is a solution in her eyes to some sort of very valid fear - so, instead of focusing on the "job" part, trying to find a solution to what is truly underneath her suggestions that isn't getting a real job. It could be supplementary income, but it could also just be that you are home at 6PM and doing the dishes or cooking dinner M-Friday. Maybe it's you saying that you will apply for a "proper job" in one year if your business hasn't succeeded. Figure out the FEAR that the solution of a "proper job" is solving, and suggest things that help tackle that real problem that aren't a "proper job."


Hey don't knock it, it's an entrepreneurial opportunity, I used to be a dancer and I was my own S-corp. In the US, though, you don't get anything that looks like a "proper job" - no benefits and you don't work for anyone else. It can be fastlane, if you can put up with the regulation changes and dealing with handsy clients.

Yes i think you're right, she's stressed because my earnings have gone down the last 12-18 months. However she knows more than anyone that i would never work for someone else and I'm only doing taxi work to supplement by business income.

 

[Paul David]

Reading the other posts by OP, they're over £200K in debt from a failed business venture, so if there is a pre-nup, I hope it protects their wife's assets.

I am in debt to £200k, she isn't. Although I'm filing for bankruptcy this month so that debt will be wiped clean.

 

[Paul David]

Here's a different viewpoint.

Worry about today before you worry about tomorrow. If you can't survive the month, maybe you should get a job to survive. It doesn't matter if it goes against everything you believe in. You gotta do what you gotta do. And if the $200k in debt is true, you might need to look at this a little differently. Why haven't any of your previous business been able to get you out of debt? What makes you think this business will be any different? Maybe you suck at business and you're lazy.

Also, don't take this personal. I don't know anything about you. You could have had multiple million dollar businesses and some severely bad luck. In which case, I have faith it will work out. The above paragraph is assuming you've maybe had 1-2 businesses that made you a decent amount of money but you haven't been able to put together success for a while. Bottom line is it would be better to survive than get so far in debt you lose everything, including her.

Would I commit to a career like the police academy? No. But an income would be nice. Taxi driver as in Uber? Still takes discipline. Anyways, good luck mate.

I am getting a "job" by being a taxi driver, which means I can work whenever I want and still be able to dedicate time to my business. My Wife knows more than anyone that there's no way however I could ever accept working for someone and getting 4-6 weeks holiday a year and have no freedom until I'm 65 or whatever.

I had one business for 18 years and then stupidly borrowed money and bought the wrong stock. The company failed and i was personally liable for the loans. I've earned a lot of over the years but spent it on stupid things like new £50k Mercedes when I was 23. I've only got myself to blame why i haven't got anything to show for my work.

 

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