When Your Friends/Family Say "That'll Never Work"

[lightning]

Just call him out on the B.S.
Just answer: "if you are so impressed and you have seen how I've made it then how come you are not doing the same?"
Of course, he will find another excuse, but there is nothing you can do about that.
I think we all know lots of people like that.

Yup, only "excuses" with him is an understatement. I have heard every one in the book from him in the past year, including SEVERAL on why he is late for rent or has no money to pay his bills. He is the type of guy who wants the best of everything, but without the grunt work to get it ("champagne taste on a beer budget" as my Mom used to say).

As you said, we all know someone like that! Each to their own I guess.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

A friend of mine that I rent a room to in our house is a perfect example of someone who just cant be helped (the “pig” if you would that Diane mentioned, who just cant and WONT learn to sing, lol). We are the same age, and this guy is a perfect example of what MJ has referred to as the “façade of wealth”. He graduated college last year and holds an entry level job, making about 32k a year. He is the typical young college grad, eager to show off his new success and jump into the “young executive” lifestyle. He drives a $35,000 fully loaded Hemi Charger sitting on 22” inch chrome rims and loaded with TV’s, playstation, etc. His car payment is $700 a month, roughly 40% of his TAKE-HOME pay, and the car was purchased with no money down. He has negative net-worth and in the past 6-months, has asked me and anyone else who would listen to co-sign several personal loans for him, so that he could pay off a staggering 9-grand in credit card debt. When confronted with "solutions" that could avoid him borrowing more money, he is quick to become a financial expert, and proceeds to tell me why a loan is the easiest way out of his situation. He does not get that his HABITS are what put him in this hole, and that if he dosent fix the habits, no short term "fix" will change his problems

Heres the funny part however; if you were to meet this guy, you’d SWEAR he was loaded. He spends more money on clothes, watches, sunglasses, Flatscreen TV’s, DVD’s, playstation games, mods for his car, etc. then some rappers do. He is a good looking guy and routinely draws girls in under this “façade”, until they find out that the house he is living in is actually owned by his roommate, the same guy driving a 10-year old Mercury with 150k+ miles, despite earning a much larger salary every year..

In the past few months, he has made it quite obvious that despite the above mentioned habits, he looks up to me and is impressed at how much more I have accomplished in our 25 years. Quite a few times, he has swallowed his pride, and asked me what he should start doing in terms of investing, making more money, etc. so that he can buy his own place next year. I have told him the basics OVER and OVER again to try and get him started (get rid of his car and out of his ridiculous car payment, quit buying crap and start paying down debt, quit worrying about looking like a “baller” NOW and he may actually be one later, etc.). It has all fallen on deaf ears. The concept of delaying gratification is like a foreign language to him, and everyday I continue to watch his attempt at living a lifestyle far out of his league.

As others have said, some people just can’t be helped, and there’s only so much you can do to try.

I speeded you on this story ... this sounds like me when I was 22. MTV is killing our youth by way of debt. These kids watch cribs and model themself off these icons. How can you emulate multi-millionaires when you earn $30K/year? One of my favorite websites ("TheDirty.com") loves poking fun at these guys as they are called "30K Millionaires" or 30K millis.

Back on topic ... the outside opinion of you does not need to make your reality. As I wrote in my Tiger Woods story (5 Things We Can Learn from Tiger Woods), who cares what anyone thinks? People thought Tiger wouldn't be able to compete at the US Open. Guess he didn't listen. What goes on between your own ears is the most important. You can only react, or not react, to the outside noise.

BTW, moving story to mindset and motivation ... speed added to Veli (story) and Diane (great thread).

 

[kimberland]

Would I call a friend on his B.S.?
Nope.
That is a waste of time, imho,
and wouldn't solve anything,
except to create bad feelings.

I concentrate on my own sh** first.
If I have excess time and energy,
I help others out.

Oh, but if you find yourself
repeating the same stuff over and over,
set up a blog.
That's what I did.
I refer people to that
and tell them to leave questions in the comments.
Most people are too lazy even to read my posts.
Saves time.

 

[lightning]

I speeded you on this story ... this sounds like me when I was 22. MTV is killing our youth by way of debt. These kids watch cribs and model themself off these icons. How can you emulate multi-millionaires when you earn $30K/year? One of my favorite websites ("TheDirty.com") loves poking fun at these guys as they are called "30K Millionaires" or 30K millis.

Back on topic ... the outside opinion of you does not need to make your reality. As I wrote in my Tiger Woods story (5 Things We Can Learn from Tiger Woods), who cares what anyone thinks? People thought Tiger wouldn't be able to compete at the US Open. Guess he didn't listen. What goes on between your own ears is the most important. You can only react, or not react, to the outside noise.

BTW, moving story to mindset and motivation ... speed added to Veli (story) and Diane (great thread).

Mike,
In all seriousness and in total honesty, you are one of the reasons I didnt follow that path. I was alot like him at 22 (about the time I joined the Lambo boards, driving a juiced up Trans Am and getting myself into credit card debt that could have set me back for a decade - you may remember from my posts/threads back then). I had no guidance whatsoever before a lot of you guys started looking out for me and taking the time to mentor me a little. I was just a kid who dreamed of owning a Lambo. I can say with 100% certainty, if it wasnt for some of the concepts you guys taught me back then fresh out of college (such as delaying gratification, staying in the "RIGHT" mindset, etc.), there is no WAY Id be on the path I am today..and I definitely wouldnt be in a position to give advice to anyone else.

Alot has changed for me in 4 years. Im on this forum now and support you as much as I do because of that. :cheers:

-Mike
PS-thanks for the speed! :fastlane:

 

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[hawaiiloans]

One great saying my mentor taught me was, "Don't listen to financial advice from people who don't have any fruit on their tree."

Simple enough but you'd be surprised at the advice people take from others. You influence someone, or someone influences you in life.

I had to change my way of thinking, and stop listening to friends/family who would influence me on what I "should" be doing.

 

[cmartin371]

One great saying my mentor taught me was, "Don't listen to financial advice from people who don't have any fruit on their tree."

Simple enough but you'd be surprised at the advice people take from others. You influence someone, or someone influences you in life.

I had to change my way of thinking, and stop listening to friends/family who would influence me on what I "should" be doing.

Yes I agree! My parents are awful at money management. And they always seemed to offer me advice. I found myself (years ago) picking up there habits. Then I read one Kiyosaki book and my views on wealth completely changed.

 

[andviv]

And as for helping with money: While I was young I remember my parents constantly worrying about money. They both worked in a factory, and worked overtime to make ends meet. They covered their expenses and saved every little penny they could to send down to their motherland every month or two. They worked their a$$ off, and after a while people (not all) just sort of expected this money. As if they had deserved this financial aid on a regular basis. Unfortunatly my father passed away too early, but I remember talking with him several times about helping yourself before you help others.

Yup, been there. I came to this country and the first thing I did when I started making some money was to send it back home as they needed it more than me. Then I started noticing that, while I was working hard and staying at home during the weekends so I did not spend money, every time I called back home they were in a party or a vacation trip or something similar. That's when I realized that my sacrifices were just fuel for the happy-life attitude of others and I wasn't enjoying it.

About helping yourself before others, yes, it makes sense, it's like trying to help others to float while you are drowning. Part of the cultural environment where I grew up was that being rich was bad, you won't make it to heaven if you are rich, and it is more important to help others than to progress on your own because that was just proof of how selfish and ego-centered you were. When I changed my environment and realized things could be better for me then I started moving forward.

 

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[lightning]

One great saying my mentor taught me was, "Don't listen to financial advice from people who don't have any fruit on their tree."

Simple enough but you'd be surprised at the advice people take from others. You influence someone, or someone influences you in life.

I had to change my way of thinking, and stop listening to friends/family who would influence me on what I "should" be doing.

YUP! I cant even tell you how much my family chimes in whenever word gets out that Im doing something big financially (buying a house, stock investments, etc). The "experts" start coming out of the wood work left and right. Somehow, none of them seem to have the bank statements to back up that great advice though... :smx6:

I do have a wealthy aunt and uncle who have advised me over the years, but they are the exception to our "dinner table" discussions, lol.

I remember someone saying on another board, "If I wanted to learn how to drive a racecar, Id go to a Formula 1 driver. When I want advice on how to become and STAY rich, Ill go to the people who are doing it". It makes all the sense in the world.

 

[Yankees338]

YUP! I cant even tell you how much my family chimes in whenever word gets out that Im doing something big financially (buying a house, stock investments, etc). The "experts" start coming out of the wood work left and right. Somehow, none of them seem to have the bank statements to back up that great advice though... :smx6:

I do have a wealthy aunt and uncle who have advised me over the years, but they are the exception to our "dinner table" discussions, lol.

If I wanted to learn how to drive a racecar, Id go to a Formula 1 driver. When I want advice on how to become and STAY rich, Ill go to the people who are doing it.

Great points. I do think it's good to listen to them, however, because while they may sound cynical and negative, they may have something worth saying. I know that I usually get too excited about ideas that I sometimes overlook some obvious drawbacks, but they're usually identified pretty quickly by some of the "negative nancies" that I talk to. Instead of letting it get you down, you just gotta take it and learn.

I've heard this somewhere before, but I don't remember exactly how the saying goes: "The hallmark of an intelligent person is the ability to listen to opinions from all ends of the spectrum and draw up a rational conclusion on your own."

I know that that isn't exactly how it goes, but there's definitely some truth to it.

For example: I was at a grad. party the other day. My mom was talking to a family friend about my interests in real estate. Then, they called me over to discuss it further. She started telling me about how I shouldn't do ANYTHING until I worked for an investor and got to know the business first hand. She recommended I get my RE license, and then start working for an investor on a commission basis.

I told her I would think about it, but I was pretty sure that one needs to be 18 to get their RE license in NJ. I also said that I was planning on starting a business this summer. Her response? "Don't do that! You're 17. You may think you know everything, but you don't. You DO NOT know enough about business to start one yourself, regardless of what you think." I was pretty pissed off at her at this point because I hate when people talk to me like I'm an incompetent child, but I just kinda smiled and said, "We'll see."


My point is this: I liked her idea about getting my RE license and working for an investor, but I didn't think it was plausible until next summer. Instead, I had been thinking about bird-dogging (which I will be making a separate thread about). I obviously did not like the cynicism in her response to my declaration that I would be starting a business this summer. I realized that I'm smart enough to listen, but I can't let her discourage me. I also remembered that she doesn't have a job. She's a widow, so she gets to collect life insurance payments, I guess.

She had some good points, but, as always, you have to consider carefully who you're talking with and come to conclusions on your own. THINK FOR YOURSELF!

 

[Russ H]

Yankees-

There's also a fear factor that parents have for their kids. It's multi-leveled.

They see you grow up, they patch up your skinned knees and bruises, offer an open ear when you have problems . . .

Sometimes, they just see a new adventure as a place where you can get hurt.

Bad.

And they want to save you from this pain.

Thing is, learning how to fly from the nest is part of growing up.

(you've just gotta be careful you don't break your neck in the process).

*****

There's another fear that parents have

And it won't go away when you turn 18

That's the fear that you will get yourself into something
and really need help to get out.

It might be getting arrested,
and needing bail money
or a really good attorney
(hey, these things happen).

Or it might be a failed business venture
where you come to them,
months later, hat in hand, saying,
"Mom, I need $10,000 to pay my bills"

That's a fear my parents had with me
(probably still do have, actually).

You won't be able to change that.
It's just who they are.
And it's their way of caring about you.

Best thing
is to recognize these fears
acknowledge them/respect the fact they have them
and make sure they never come true!

-Russ H.

 

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[Yankees338]

Yankees-

There's also a fear factor that parents have for their kids. It's multi-leveled.

They see you grow up, they patch up your skinned knees and bruises, offer an open ear when you have problems . . .

Sometimes, they just see a new adventure as a place where you can get hurt.

Bad.

And they want to save you from this pain.

Thing is, learning how to fly from the nest is part of growing up.

(you've just gotta be careful you don't break your neck in the process).

*****

There's another fear that parents have

And it won't go away when you turn 18

That's the fear that you will get yourself into something
and really need help to get out.

It might be getting arrested,
and needing bail money
or a really good attorney
(hey, these things happen).

Or it might be a failed business venture
where you come to them,
months later, hat in hand, saying,
"Mom, I need $10,000 to pay my bills"

That's a fear my parents had with me
(probably still do have, actually).

You won't be able to change that.
It's just who they are.
And it's their way of caring about you.

Best thing
is to recognize these fears
acknowledge them/respect the fact they have them
and make sure they never come true!

-Russ H.

I understand what you mean, but I was referring to a family friend, not my own parents (in this situation at least).

I do agree, though.

 

[lightning]

You talk with wisdom far beyond your years Yankees338 :icon_super: I always enjoy reading your posts.

 

[andviv]

Yankees, I wonder what would happen if you just asked her back "then what would you do if you were in my situation". Would she provide some valid advice or an interesting point of view?
I've noticed that, for many people, it is very easy to identify and tell you what's wrong with something you present/propose, but can't propose anything new/better themselves. Very easy destroying somebody else's idea, much harder to actually put one together.

 

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[Bilgefisher]

I told her I would think about it, but I was pretty sure that one needs to be 18 to get their RE license in NJ. I also said that I was planning on starting a business this summer. Her response? "Don't do that! You're 17. You may think you know everything, but you don't. You DO NOT know enough about business to start one yourself, regardless of what you think." I was pretty pissed off at her at this point because I hate when people talk to me like I'm an incompetent child, but I just kinda smiled and said, "We'll see."

Yankee, sounds like a heck of a reason to be successful. I for one hate being told that I am not good enough, smart enough, old enough, or experienced enough to do something. Only motivates me further. Not to sound patronizing, but it sounds to me like she only added fuel to your fire. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Yankees338]

You talk with wisdom far beyond your years Yankees338 :icon_super: I always enjoy reading your posts.

Thanks! It's been great having you here, too! Seems like you've come a long way since you started reading MJ's posts back in the day. I'm glad to see you've actually stayed true to yourself and made changes.

Yankees, I wonder what would happen if you just asked her back "then what would you do if you were in my situation". Would she provide some valid advice or an interesting point of view?
I've noticed that, for many people, it is very easy to identify and tell you what's wrong with something you present/propose, but can't propose anything new/better themselves. Very easy destroying somebody else's idea, much harder to actually put one together.

Very good point. I agree with you 100%. It's funny how a lot of these people think that trying to bring your ideas down and crush your dreams is actually helping you. Guess they'll have to pick up the Fastlane book when it comes out, although it may just not be their cup of tea.

Yankee, sounds like a heck of a reason to be successful. I for one hate being told that I am not good enough, smart enough, old enough, or experienced enough to do something. Only motivates me further. Not to sound patronizing, but it sounds to me like she only added fuel to your fire. Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, I agree. That's what I've been trying to do. I don't know if I'll necessarily say "I told you so" when I make it, but maybe I'll treat her to a nice dinner or invite her to my beach-front mansion to show her what she could have avoided!

 

[hawaiiloans]

Great points. I do think it's good to listen to them, however, because while they may sound cynical and negative, they may have something worth saying. I know that I usually get too excited about ideas that I sometimes overlook some obvious drawbacks, but they're usually identified pretty quickly by some of the "negative nancies" that I talk to. Instead of letting it get you down, you just gotta take it and learn.

I've heard this somewhere before, but I don't remember exactly how the saying goes: "The hallmark of an intelligent person is the ability to listen to opinions from all ends of the spectrum and draw up a rational conclusion on your own."

I know that that isn't exactly how it goes, but there's definitely some truth to it.

For example: I was at a grad. party the other day. My mom was talking to a family friend about my interests in real estate. Then, they called me over to discuss it further. She started telling me about how I shouldn't do ANYTHING until I worked for an investor and got to know the business first hand. She recommended I get my RE license, and then start working for an investor on a commission basis.

I told her I would think about it, but I was pretty sure that one needs to be 18 to get their RE license in NJ. I also said that I was planning on starting a business this summer. Her response? "Don't do that! You're 17. You may think you know everything, but you don't. You DO NOT know enough about business to start one yourself, regardless of what you think." I was pretty pissed off at her at this point because I hate when people talk to me like I'm an incompetent child, but I just kinda smiled and said, "We'll see."


My point is this: I liked her idea about getting my RE license and working for an investor, but I didn't think it was plausible until next summer. Instead, I had been thinking about bird-dogging (which I will be making a separate thread about). I obviously did not like the cynicism in her response to my declaration that I would be starting a business this summer. I realized that I'm smart enough to listen, but I can't let her discourage me. I also remembered that she doesn't have a job. She's a widow, so she gets to collect life insurance payments, I guess.

She had some good points, but, as always, you have to consider carefully who you're talking with and come to conclusions on your own. THINK FOR YOURSELF!

I have "before the fact" people, "during the fact" people, and "after the fact" people. Whenever I have a business/wealth creation idea, it will be discussed with someone who has the fruit on their tree, and nobody else. I learned this the hard way with discussing ideas with friends, and family who could influence you not to do it.

"During the fact" people aren't too different from "before the fact", because they know what you are doing. These will be your mentors, business partners, realtors, etc who are helping you in the process.

"After the fact" people are family, friends, people who you don't want to talk to before because they will give you their 2 cents.

I tend to disregard people who say something negative who don't offer solutions pertaining to what I'm doing, ringside "investors", 30k millionaires (LOL funny phrase). Remember to protect your dreams, don't let anyone take them away.

 

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[08_til_infinity]

All of our family doubts us. We have no family that we can turn to for capital or guidance. They are so stuck in the slow lane that it isn't funny. All I heard growing up is go to school and get a good job. Now all I hear is son be careful not to go in over your head. My father is retired, but my mother will never be able to retire because she spends more than she earns. The same goes for my wife's mother. Now she on the other hand is the worst! She complains about everything, but when I give her suggestions she is so quick to shoot them down. She always says "Oh, that will never work". I can't wait to make it so that they can see that it is possible.

 

[EasyMoney_in_NC]

I am apparently way late to this thread, but I chuckled when I read Dianne's original post.
At 23 my wife (girlfriend at the time) and I bought our first house together. The first thing I got from the family was that I was "nuts" for buying anything with someone I wasn't married to. 2 years went by, we (I think still GF at the time) decided that the market was good and it was time to start our investment future. We bought another home in the same 'hood and moved out of the first place, rented it and moved into # 2. The first time I told my family about it was AFTER we moved in. I called them to see if they wanted to come check out the new place. Long story short, the shock and awe could have been cut with a knife..........I was so pleased.
A few years went by, we got sidetracked from RE investing, but no matter what I found that I thought was a good deal, I was told I was "nuts" (the common theme in my family about most of my intentions) and when was I going to stop floundering and get on track.
Looking back I think it was simply the word "nuts" that drove me to prove the family wrong. In 2000, my wife (4 years married now) and I decided that instead of moving back to California, we would make a run at building rental properties in an effort to get back on track with investing (hurricanes totally derailed us from doing anything for years, some out of fear, more due to market conditions and lack of $$). Well its now 2008, and what remains is that we have a dozen rentals, $$ in the bank (that has paid for other RE, toys, life etc....) and thru-out I was told I was "nuts". Now the shoe is on the other foot, the family looks to me as the investment guru and my Father continues to insist that I help my sister get out of her "rat race" life (she's totally uninterested and will work forever I'm convinced). Took many years of going against the family grain to get where we are, but I'm so glad I did it. I have told the family that I credit their badgering me with the "N" word as being my driving force............of course Dad takes the credit as a planned process.......yeah okay! Lovingly I let him believe that. I know now they are proud of my accomplishments and of course they reveled in that success via my building them properties over time for which they have made a killing on (I got paid to do it and it'll all come back to me in the end, so.....)

I think the point is, one must follow their gut and go with what they believe is right. I could have been wrong, could have lost our tails, but my feelings were strong, I played the build/refi /money extraction game correctly and it all worked.

Listen to everyone, follow no one but yourself, that way there's no one else to blame if it goes wrong!
Thanks for the prompting to reflect and the chuckle Dianne!

 

[TheGreatBear]

People will always make totally uneducated and incorrect remarks like "You're getting to big", "What drugs are you taking now?", "
I have realised that these people are often consciously or subconsciously trying to make me fail worried that I will become better than them, worried that I will be happier than them when I succeed.

ROFL!!! This just made my day. Now that was funny!!!!!!
I don't think most people are subconsciously trying to hold you back. Most people are risk averse. They are benchmarking you by their standards. They think it can't be done because they think they can't do it.
Usually intellectuals get jealous of each other(imo)."How come this guy knows more than me!?" Most average people would probably respect a person more successful or knowledgable if they don't present themselves in an obnoxious way. But maybe I'm wrong on that.

 

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[Russ H]

I have realised that these people are often consciously or subconsciously trying to make me fail worried that I will become better than them, worried that I will be happier than them when I succeed.

ROFL!!! This just made my day. Now that was funny!!!!!!

Bear, based on your reaction, I'm guessing this has never happened to you.

You are fortunate indeed to not have any of these people in your life. :smxF:

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that Michael's comments are very much true.

For years, I had a lot of people in my life like this.

Yes, they are risk averse.

But that's not why they'd try to slow me down.

Slowing others down is EASIER for them, then actually changing their own lives.

So that's what they do.

It takes much less effort to destroy the dreams of others than to act on your own.

-Russ H.

 

[SteveO]

It is simple to turn all the negative energy into positives. Your successes need to matter to you and those that they directly affect.

Your bodybuilding is a discipline that requires hard work and dedication. Your efforts here will likely reflect your work/life habits as well. Maybe the comment then will be "you are so successful, who did you cheat to get there" :smxB:

I have never really paid a lot of attention to the naysayers. Their ignorance will not affect my life. I am sure that I have made incorrect judgements about others due to my ignorance. It is certainly a part of life.

I like Diane's assessment of enabling others in their own incorrect path. Interesting observation.

 

[TheGreatBear]

No the funny thing I had in bold.
The one about bodybuilding and someone asking him if he was on drugs or something

Bear, based on your reaction, I'm guessing this has never happened to you.

You are fortunate indeed to not have any of these people in your life. :smxF:

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that Michael's comments are very much true.

For years, I had a lot of people in my life like this.

Yes, they are risk averse.

But that's not why they'd try to slow me down.

Slowing others down is EASIER for them, then actually changing their own lives.

So that's what they do.

It takes much less effort to destroy the dreams of others than to act on your own.

-Russ H.

 

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[Russ H]

Ah, my mistake.

Thank you for setting me straight.

Sorry for the mis-read.

-Russ H.

 

[fanocks2003]

I was rambling on with a post at my website and had a sudden epiphany. I had to post it here because I bet this happens to a lot of us.

Do you have a family member or friend who constantly complains about his life? And then, when you offer solutions, he has a million excuses on why it will never work? I know for me I don't have friends like that (they're out of my life by now) but I do have family like that (you don't get a lot of choice in your family...). For years, I came up with better and better solutions to their problems, only to get shot down with better and better excuses on why they were powerless in their lives.

I know the saying "Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It'll frustrate you and annoy the pig" but I guess I really never got how dangerous this action really is.

When you continually try to "help" a family member or friend who doesn't want to be helped, you are (1) discouraging yourself and (2) strengthening their ability to make excuses.

I think the discouragement to yourself is the most dangerous, especially in today's negative media world. You need to protect your attitude and your point of view. Hearing again and again why something won't work is like water on a rock. Eventually it might make a hole. Protect yourself.

The part that I just realized is that by continually questioning and challenging my family on their circumstances, they are now preparing excuses in advance. They are PRACTICING on how to not succeed.

Wow. I need to stop this whole pattern of behavior NOW.

Do you know how often this happens to the company I own? This is really funny and ironic. These people come to my company and asks us to help them. We say "Fine, we would love too. But you need to pay this little fee of ours before we can help you out". They say "Fine, send the invoice". We send the invoice and waits a week and is the payment coming in? Guess you see the pattern here.

When we face the customer to see what is wrong and why the invoice is still not paid, they say they didn't want the service anyhow.

This bugs my manager to tears. These people waste a lot of time and the funny part is:

They want to get financial help, but do not want to return the favour by paying the fee we ask for (they want us to work for free). So they fall out of the order history pretty quickly.

People want so much, but they don't want to pay for it. The world would be a wonderful place if everything was free I don't deny that. But unfortunately this world cost money and services and products are one of those things that requires money.

My family: They are big whiners. They want to accomplish "SOOO MUCH". But that will never ever happen, because they don't want to do what needs to be done in order to accomplish what they want.

The funny part is, they think I am the biggest scum in the family because I run companies and I don't have a normal job. But I do at least make a great effort to accomplish my dreams and my sincere goals. They don't.


You can summarize all of these people "Time wasters". Their only value to this world is "wasting as many peoples time as possible. Preferably the time of those who DO and do not TALK".

 

[kimberland]

Do you know how often this happens to the company I own? This is really funny and ironic. These people come to my company and asks us to help them. We say "Fine, we would love too. But you need to pay this little fee of ours before we can help you out". They say "Fine, send the invoice". We send the invoice and waits a week and is the payment coming in? Guess you see the pattern here.

I would try to help everyone
and find I was wasting my time.
People didn't want to be helped.

Now, I give them a task to do first.
If they do that (highly doubtful)
THEN I'll help.
Saves me a lot of time.

 

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[fanocks2003]

I would try to help everyone
and find I was wasting my time.
People didn't want to be helped.

Now, I give them a task to do first.
If they do that (highly doubtful)
THEN I'll help.
Saves me a lot of time.

I so agree with you. It is rather odd that a nice gesture can be so badly recieved. It is frustrating at times. That is why I can't be the manager of things either. I can't tolerate people looking down on the good things I want to accomplish. I just get upset and alienate people.

I would love to be that perfect PR guy. That is: believing in your stuff so much that the belief becomes the truth of everyone else also. That really is the Gospel of a true promoter.

"He can sell ice to eskimos" they use to say, but they forgot to mention the rest of that quote "....but if some of these eskimos tell the promoter to take a hike, he would give that eskimo a punch on the nose and hide him out of sight of the other eskimos with less intelligence"....hehe. A promoter is good at creating truths out of thin air and hiding the ugly truth other less interesting people want to promote.

I found out about one interesting thing yesterday, related to PR. There had been some ugly discussion about my company that was utterly nonsense. No relation to reality at all. This discussion went on for a couple of weeks on a swedish forum discussing debt salvation.

After finding out about the discussion I jumped in and tried to reason with the people and trying to find out what was going on and why people where so angry at my company (because my manager hadn't told med about any prior problems). And these people ranted along with all kinds of bizarre accusations. And I just sat there and wondered what the hell was going on here. I felt as if I was personally on trial without a fair judge in that discussion.

Making a long story short, after discussing with these people a couple of days more I finally got so mad that I wrote "According to swedish law it is illegal spreading false rumours about companies and private individuals. If this continues I will let my company sue everyone of you and I will start with the owner of this forum who make place for these unlawful acts." I didn't lie, there is a law against these kinds of rumours in Sweden and in the UK as well (and in the US as well. I guess the law exist in all kinds of Western countries). You are not allowed to spread information about companies and/or private individuals that are just no true and can't be proven true.

And this is the point I was trying to make here: The owner removed the whole thread that discussed my company in a bad light. The best PR work I have done in my entire life. The law can be a very good PR tool used wisely. A little solution to all of you who have the same problems my company had.

Sometimes silk gloves are not the best tool to use. Sometimes you need to punch your customers until they stop their bad behaviour. And sometimes you need to fire their sorry a$$ right of the bat. I like customers who buy, never whine and who ask as little questions as possible. Everyone else I hate and dislike and I don't want their business no matter how much money they have. I like a peaceful business where customers are happy with my service. If not, they can go to my competitors and ruin their day instead (I simply don't mind helping my competition out when I can).

 

[hallz2868]

A friend of mine that I rent a room to in our house is a perfect example of someone who just cant be helped (the “pig†if you would that Diane mentioned, who just cant and WONT learn to sing, lol). We are the same age, and this guy is a perfect example of what MJ has referred to as the “façade of wealthâ€. He graduated college last year and holds an entry level job, making about 32k a year. He is the typical young college grad, eager to show off his new success and jump into the “young executive†lifestyle. He drives a $35,000 fully loaded Hemi Charger sitting on 22†inch chrome rims and loaded with TV’s, playstation, etc. His car payment is $700 a month, roughly 40% of his TAKE-HOME pay, and the car was purchased with no money down. He has negative net-worth and in the past 6-months, has asked me and anyone else who would listen to co-sign several personal loans for him, so that he could pay off a staggering 9-grand in credit card debt. When confronted with "solutions" that could avoid him borrowing more money, he is quick to become a financial expert, and proceeds to tell me why a loan is the easiest way out of his situation. He does not get that his HABITS are what put him in this hole, and that if he dosent fix the habits, no short term "fix" will change his problems

Heres the funny part however; if you were to meet this guy, you’d SWEAR he was loaded. He spends more money on clothes, watches, sunglasses, Flatscreen TV’s, DVD’s, playstation games, mods for his car, etc. then some rappers do. He is a good looking guy and routinely draws girls in under this “façadeâ€, until they find out that the house he is living in is actually owned by his roommate, the same guy driving a 10-year old Mercury with 150k+ miles, despite earning a much larger salary every year..

In the past few months, he has made it quite obvious that despite the above mentioned habits, he looks up to me and is impressed at how much more I have accomplished in our 25 years. Quite a few times, he has swallowed his pride, and asked me what he should start doing in terms of investing, making more money, etc. so that he can buy his own place next year. I have told him the basics OVER and OVER again to try and get him started (get rid of his car and out of his ridiculous car payment, quit buying crap and start paying down debt, quit worrying about looking like a “baller†NOW and he may actually be one later, etc.). It has all fallen on deaf ears. The concept of delaying gratification is like a foreign language to him, and everyday I continue to watch his attempt at living a lifestyle far out of his league.

As others have said, some people just can’t be helped, and there’s only so much you can do to try.

I have a friend that is in the same boat...he works for a delivery carrier(which I will leave nameless) he makes a good 60k year. He drives a vehicle that he makes a ridiculious payment and buys brand new clothes/eats out almost every week. Heres the kicker....HE HAS 4 CHILDREN BY 3 DIFFERENT WOMEN!!!!!! And yet, with the responsibilty that comes with taking care of all these children, he still manages to dump loads and loads of money into the car, eat out, and still buy clothes. I remember during his he tried to get me to move in a new house with him, one of his boys, and one babymama. That would have been a diaster waiting to happen. each time I tried to explain that his money management was that the best...it seems like it would go in one ear and out the other, so I decide to remove myself from the situation and not have this person as a friend... Am i wrong to give and not help him further?

 

[Russ H]

Bumping up some classic Diane Kennedy posts today.

-Russ H.

 

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[imcmillionaire]

I think people who don't want to change and
just makes excuses are just people who
don't want the money/success they think they need

People who want to be success , need to realize that
they must Sow, in order Reap.

I have family like that, who just say they want to
do something, but use the excuse that they don't have money,
as a comfortable seat, to get mad on.....lol

I tell them, i guess you right.

 

[msa1]

I love this post. This is alot of what i've been feeling lately. No one like minded for miles (or at least it would seem). I dont even really know many people that will talk about money let alone creating it.