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When your co-driver is no longer patient anymore :( Should I quit?

Marriage? or give up my business?

  • Marriage. Nothing can replace a family.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Business. Follow your dreams...

    Votes: 1 20.0%
  • Others

    Votes: 4 80.0%

  • Total voters
    5

disheartede1504

New Contributor
Mar 27, 2019
3
6
13
Hey fellow entrepreneurs...

I'm about 3 quarter through the book and I simply love it. Should have read it much sooner...
I have a problem now and thought I would seek advises from you guys.

In the book, MJ mentioned that sometimes, the greatest hurdle can be your co-driver. The person at the passenger seat next to you. I'm 31 years old this year and I currently run my own businesses. I have a company that does printing services, and one company that does photo booth for events and campaigns. This photo booth company has has a branch in Malaysia KL. So all in all, my time is split between this 3 businesses. The printing company is about 2 years old while the photo booth company is about 5 years old.

As of now, I feel that I am doing OK. I have a team and I'm trying my best to systemise the operations of the businesses (building the systems). We are making money (not super high profit), and personally I lead a OK life. I get to eat comfortably, travel overseas every now and then, and I even recently just bought a simple car too.

I'm married with no kids. My wife works as an analyst (Slowlane) in the finance and banking industry. And she earns way more than me. She earns about 20,000 a month. And this is excluding the hefty year end bonus. Whereas for me, as a business owner, on good days I draw a salary about 4,000. On down months, I don't even draw a salary. Haven't been drawing a salary since the start of 2019 :( In a way, my income is inconsistent.

Ever since we got married, we've been wanting to buy our own house. As my wife's income is high, she wants to buy a big fancy house. We are talking about a house that is 2 to 3 million. Something I can't afford for sure. I've been explaining to her that I need more time. Businesses need time to grow. I have plans to scale and grow the business. In fact, after reading the book, we are working on a customised software that can help fellow photo booth companies worldwide. We are also thinking of venturing to other regional countries and also doing franchising. All in all, I am optimistic about the future of the company. However, the thing is, my wife is getting impatient and it is hurting our marriage... :(

We have discussed things thoroughly and she suggest for her to foot the downpayment for the house while we split the monthly mortgage. But then again, that will means an average of about 3,000 a month for me alone just on mortgage... It will be very tough for me.... I told her how about we get a smaller and simpler house. She is adamant not to. Truth is, she is a very rational woman. She don't buy expensive branded bags etc. But she feel that a property is a long term investment and she wants to get it right. Oh, and she is very stubborn too.

The fact is when we got married, we've communicated together on this before. She at that time is very supportive of me becoming an entrepreneur. But I guess as time goes by, she is becoming impatient. I believe she is thinking "When are you going to make it?! When are you going to stop?! Stop investing your money anymore!"

I've been toying on the idea of giving up on my business and going back to work (back to the Slowlane) Reckoned that I can at least get a job that is about 6,000. Add on some side hustle, that should be sufficient for me.

The thing is, I love what I am doing. I love the process. I love my team and I want to do what I am doing. On the other side, I love my wife too.

I'm at a lost. Guess I am asking you where should I draw the line between giving up my dreams and giving up my marriage? Both are important to me.

This has been troubling me for a while. Anybody care to share some advise? Perhaps someone in a similar shoe before?

Many thanks in advance
 

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biophase

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How can you afford a $2m house on $300k income? I think your wife is crazy to believe that your income can afford that.

$25000/mo is 15k after taxes and your mortgage and taxes will be $10k. Good luck!

Show her that you can’t afford that and get a $1m home to compromise.
 
OP
OP
D

disheartede1504

New Contributor
Mar 27, 2019
3
6
13
I think the 1st question needs to be..... why is your money not combined if you are married?
Yeah. Thats one why to look at it. But to be honest, since she earns way more than me at the current moment, and she has way more cash now than me, she don't see the need to even consider my money to be our money. even if i say my everything is hers, she would be indifferent. because my money tree is not fully in force yet. it is still a seedling... now the feeling she is giving me is that i should abandon this seedling...
 
OP
OP
D

disheartede1504

New Contributor
Mar 27, 2019
3
6
13
How can you afford a $2m house on $300k income? I think your wife is crazy to believe that your income can afford that.

$25000/mo is 15k after taxes and your mortgage and taxes will be $10k. Good luck!

Show her that you can’t afford that and get a $1m home to compromise.
Forgot to mention, i'm not from USA. i'm from another country and in here, our tax policy, housing policy is a little different. she has checked with the bankers and she indeed can really afford a $2m house. She has a lot of cash on hand for downpayment too. She is a only child and her family background is good. So this option of compromising is out :(
 

Lex DeVille

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Hey fellow entrepreneurs...

I'm about 3 quarter through the book and I simply love it. Should have read it much sooner...
I have a problem now and thought I would seek advises from you guys.

In the book, MJ mentioned that sometimes, the greatest hurdle can be your co-driver. The person at the passenger seat next to you. I'm 31 years old this year and I currently run my own businesses. I have a company that does printing services, and one company that does photo booth for events and campaigns. This photo booth company has has a branch in Malaysia KL. So all in all, my time is split between this 3 businesses. The printing company is about 2 years old while the photo booth company is about 5 years old.

As of now, I feel that I am doing OK. I have a team and I'm trying my best to systemise the operations of the businesses (building the systems). We are making money (not super high profit), and personally I lead a OK life. I get to eat comfortably, travel overseas every now and then, and I even recently just bought a simple car too.

I'm married with no kids. My wife works as an analyst (Slowlane) in the finance and banking industry. And she earns way more than me. She earns about 20,000 a month. And this is excluding the hefty year end bonus. Whereas for me, as a business owner, on good days I draw a salary about 4,000. On down months, I don't even draw a salary. Haven't been drawing a salary since the start of 2019 :( In a way, my income is inconsistent.

Ever since we got married, we've been wanting to buy our own house. As my wife's income is high, she wants to buy a big fancy house. We are talking about a house that is 2 to 3 million. Something I can't afford for sure. I've been explaining to her that I need more time. Businesses need time to grow. I have plans to scale and grow the business. In fact, after reading the book, we are working on a customised software that can help fellow photo booth companies worldwide. We are also thinking of venturing to other regional countries and also doing franchising. All in all, I am optimistic about the future of the company. However, the thing is, my wife is getting impatient and it is hurting our marriage... :(

We have discussed things thoroughly and she suggest for her to foot the downpayment for the house while we split the monthly mortgage. But then again, that will means an average of about 3,000 a month for me alone just on mortgage... It will be very tough for me.... I told her how about we get a smaller and simpler house. She is adamant not to. Truth is, she is a very rational woman. She don't buy expensive branded bags etc. But she feel that a property is a long term investment and she wants to get it right. Oh, and she is very stubborn too.

The fact is when we got married, we've communicated together on this before. She at that time is very supportive of me becoming an entrepreneur. But I guess as time goes by, she is becoming impatient. I believe she is thinking "When are you going to make it?! When are you going to stop?! Stop investing your money anymore!"

I've been toying on the idea of giving up on my business and going back to work (back to the Slowlane) Reckoned that I can at least get a job that is about 6,000. Add on some side hustle, that should be sufficient for me.

The thing is, I love what I am doing. I love the process. I love my team and I want to do what I am doing. On the other side, I love my wife too.

I'm at a lost. Guess I am asking you where should I draw the line between giving up my dreams and giving up my marriage? Both are important to me.

This has been troubling me for a while. Anybody care to share some advise? Perhaps someone in a similar shoe before?

Many thanks in advance
Sorry to read you're going through this. I can relate to your situation. Something similar happened to me, although not with the house part. My wife has always supported me and me her. But there was a point when some things happened and she questioned where I was going. Questioned my words about how long it would take to get there. In short, there was a question of doubt.

It hurt a lot to see her faith waiver even for one second. Neither of us could've known how long it would take or what path each would go down when we started our relationship. But I told her when we started which path I was on and she chose to stick around. So my solution was to sit down and have a talk about it.

We talked about the things she wants and the things I want. Her wants were a bit unclear, but mine were not. So I reminded her that this is the path I chose and the path she supported me to go down. The time for doubting was past, and I will be on this path until the day I die (which may be never). She can be a part of that or not.

Things have been better since then. I don't know if this is a good solution really. It could cost our relationship, or maybe it won't. But I said I'd never give up on my dreams. Said it from the start and I meant it and I won't change that even if it means making sacrifices.

Don't know if this story will help you or not. It's just the option I chose - to be open, honest, and direct about it. But you already know none of us can tell you what to do. You have to figure that part out because it's your life. Hopefully you'll find your way through it with a positive outcome. Hopefully something in my words is useful for your situation. Either way, just wanted to let you know I can relate and you're not alone.
 

Bourbons

Bronze Contributor
Mar 28, 2016
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Newcastle, UK
I think I'd leave if my wife wanted to control me. I can't live in a job (slowlane), never have and the idea terrifies me.

At one point my wife and I were living almosy solely off her maternity pay of £600/mo, and i delivered pizzas, but I was driving around on conference calls working on my business- then I got to draw a wage from there.. just worked every hour I had on the business until I could quit the delivery thing, the delivery thing being my side hustle.

Can you live with employment?
 

Xeon

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My wife works as an analyst (Slowlane) in the finance and banking industry. And she earns way more than me. She earns about 20,000 a month. And this is excluding the hefty year end bonus.
I assume your wife is around your age, or younger? I'm not sure what currency is the 20K/month in, but if it's USD (which I think it is) and not ringgit, then she must be a super high-flyer for her age (and that's not even considering the bonus....which would put her near $30K - $50K/mth range for a 29 - 31 yr old?!).

when we got married, we've communicated together on this before. She at that time is very supportive of me becoming an entrepreneur. But I guess as time goes by, she is becoming impatient. I believe she is thinking "When are you going to make it?! When are you going to stop?! Stop investing your money anymore!"
All fairy tales start this way. The perfect princess turns into Mother Russia from Kickass.

I've been toying on the idea of giving up on my business and going back to work (back to the Slowlane) Reckoned that I can at least get a job that is about 6,000. Add on some side hustle, that should be sufficient for me.
DO NOT EVER GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR ANY WOMEN.
Your career is your power.

Ok, let's say you decide to give in. You get a 6K job.
SO WHAT? Her salary will still be higher than yours, and hers will likely continue to soar higher.
And you'll be forever stuck in this same position.

What if you get retrenched one day?

At least with your current business, it is doing good, it has potential to scale up, up and up.
These are your dreams....if you give it up, you'll be like a guy without a soul and dream, forever having to give up power to the wife who earns a lot more. I can understand as this is an asian thing especially since our countries are right next to each other.

The thing is, I love what I am doing. I love the process. I love my team and I want to do what I am doing. On the other side, I love my wife too.
Sorry to be blunt, but if she cannot support her man and wants to buy that house which is only a luxurious item and not a pressing need, then she has to go.

Or you can ask her to fork out all the $ for the house by herself since it's not something you want.

If I were to encounter this situation personally myself, the first thing that would be running through my brain right now is to have a talk and get her to forget about the house. I'm pretty sure most residential houses in Malaysia are pretty big and low-cost from what I've seen (at least compared to other cities like mine).

If not, my next step of action would be to find out how much alimony fees I've to pay her per month (maybe you might not even need to pay since her salary is way higher than yours).
 

Kallin Trotman

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Dec 30, 2015
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First I would like to say that of course I am not in your shoes but I do feel empathy for you in this situation.
Through reading your post I feel you have become beat down but I get the sense that that is not your natural nature..

I think you know that you would be miserable if you choose to leave what you love doing for your wife. I also think that your wife would resent it too, even though she may say otherwise now. I don’t know many women that are happy with a miserable husband or boyfriend.

What do you really want?

In my experience women are often great bullshit detectors in their husband/boyfriends. I think it is a males nature to dream about the far away outcomes while neglecting the present. Women meanwhile feel each and every moment. I think maybe what your women craves is results. Maybe it’s a call to action.. What are you doing to really make your endeavours work? You haven’t earned a salary this year? We are 3 full months into the year. How long until you begin earning a consistent income? Is it fantasy or dreaming?Or is there solid plans with cash flow?

I invite you to step back and look at your situation as if you were a friend of yourself. Reading your post I was struck with a sense of limited options, leave or stay? dreams or wife?

Are these really the only options you have? What if you were a friend of yourself and you had to brainstorm 10 other options, 10 other possibilities of moving past this difficult time?

Would it truly be that bad to go back to a decent job while you work on building a consistent salary from your businesses? Could you do this for 6 months and give it everything you’ve got?

Entrepreneurs are problem solvers, there are always options,

Much love
 

biophase

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Forgot to mention, i'm not from USA. i'm from another country and in here, our tax policy, housing policy is a little different. she has checked with the bankers and she indeed can really afford a $2m house. She has a lot of cash on hand for downpayment too. She is a only child and her family background is good. So this option of compromising is out :(
Are the payments on $2m less than in the USA? Of course the banks will say she can afford it. They want the loan. How much down is she putting, $1m?
 

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minivanman

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Yeah. Thats one why to look at it. But to be honest, since she earns way more than me at the current moment, and she has way more cash now than me, she don't see the need to even consider my money to be our money. even if i say my everything is hers, she would be indifferent. because my money tree is not fully in force yet. it is still a seedling... now the feeling she is giving me is that i should abandon this seedling...
I don't know what country you are in so here is the advice I'd give to someone living in America. Either be comfortable living off of her.... nothing wrong with it, she is your wife..... or get a divorce. And then if you ever decide to get married again, either be joined as 1...... or don't get married. And part of being joined as 1 means joining your money as 1 because quite honestly, in America, going to the courthouse and getting a marriage license is 100% about money. People don't need a license to be in love.
 

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