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- Nov 7, 2022
- 14
- 46
I'm turning 29 today.
At 18 I never would have guessed I'd be where I am today. 1 year out of the military (Canadian Army) with no degree, a job I'm failing at, and living in a basement suite with My dog and girlfriend wondering what I'm doing with my life.
When I was young I had a vision. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to see what was out there, climb the highest peak and see the most wild animals this earth had to offer.
At 20 years old I went to Africa for 2 months to work in animal conservation. I caught everything from impala to giraffe. I slept in the open savannah, met some amazing people, almost died from crazed wildebeest, and even rode an ostrich.
I came home depressed after those 2 months. How could I go back to a 9-5 job after having such a rich and raw experience? I ended up quitting my job in a stainless steel warehouse a few weeks later and applying to a business and adventure tourism program in British Columbia, Canada.
At 20 years old I moved 6 hours from my home town. I found myself in a quiet little mountain town surrounded by rocky peaks, a crystal clear river and endless adventure. I said goodbye to my parents and after a few tears they drove off.
I spent the next 2 years fulfilling my childhood dreams. I climbed some of the best mountaineering routes in Western Canada, navigated a glacier in a blizzard with 5ft of visibility, Skied feilds of endless powder, and conqured class 4 and 5 rapids in a kayak.
Even after all this something was missing. I spent my 2nd year trying to figure it out. Then it hit me, I wasn't helping anyone, I was doing all of this for me. I climbed the mountain for myself and me alone. I felt selfish and I also felt alone.
I decided I was going to do something about it. I was going to be selfless for once. I opened my laptop and applied to the Canadian Armed Forces.
6 months later on November 11th no less. (for those of you who don't know this is remembrance day in Canada). After the first day of being screamed at and beaten down, I finally got to my bunk and wondered "what the hell am I doing here". We all had that thought. 11 months later i was 2 weeks away from my graduation ceremony. After all that training, all that mental and physical abuse, after the sleepless weeks and hallucinations, after being away from family and friends, I was going to be a Combat Engineer. I thought my family would finally be proud of me, I thought I'd finally be proud of myself. On graduation day I marched onto that square with my head held high, we made our right turn and I could finally see the stands with all the family members watching. But something was missing, I couldn't see my family... they weren't in the stands. I was crushed but I had to hold position.
5 years later I release from the military. My contract was over, I needed to move on. Now with the hearing of a 60year old and aching knees, I'm sitting here lost.
I got a job as an SDR with a tech company. I've tried my hardest, but I'm failing I won't lie.
I'm 29 today, sitting in my basement suite writing a post with no point. Writing a post that provides no value. Writing a post that I'm not sure I'll even publish or you'll even read. I don't expect you to either.
When I was in school in British Columbia, we had to learn how to navigate at night while sea kayaking. I remember looking at the starts and my compass, I knew exactly where I needed to go and I knew exactly what I had to do to get there. The stars and my compass showed me the direction, my map the route.
Right now I feel the complete opposite. It's like I'm back on that kayak in the ocean but I don't have my compass and a thick fog rolled in. So thick you could drink it.
What direction would you go? Maybe someone could turn on the lighthouse.
At 18 I never would have guessed I'd be where I am today. 1 year out of the military (Canadian Army) with no degree, a job I'm failing at, and living in a basement suite with My dog and girlfriend wondering what I'm doing with my life.
When I was young I had a vision. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to see what was out there, climb the highest peak and see the most wild animals this earth had to offer.
At 20 years old I went to Africa for 2 months to work in animal conservation. I caught everything from impala to giraffe. I slept in the open savannah, met some amazing people, almost died from crazed wildebeest, and even rode an ostrich.
I came home depressed after those 2 months. How could I go back to a 9-5 job after having such a rich and raw experience? I ended up quitting my job in a stainless steel warehouse a few weeks later and applying to a business and adventure tourism program in British Columbia, Canada.
At 20 years old I moved 6 hours from my home town. I found myself in a quiet little mountain town surrounded by rocky peaks, a crystal clear river and endless adventure. I said goodbye to my parents and after a few tears they drove off.
I spent the next 2 years fulfilling my childhood dreams. I climbed some of the best mountaineering routes in Western Canada, navigated a glacier in a blizzard with 5ft of visibility, Skied feilds of endless powder, and conqured class 4 and 5 rapids in a kayak.
Even after all this something was missing. I spent my 2nd year trying to figure it out. Then it hit me, I wasn't helping anyone, I was doing all of this for me. I climbed the mountain for myself and me alone. I felt selfish and I also felt alone.
I decided I was going to do something about it. I was going to be selfless for once. I opened my laptop and applied to the Canadian Armed Forces.
6 months later on November 11th no less. (for those of you who don't know this is remembrance day in Canada). After the first day of being screamed at and beaten down, I finally got to my bunk and wondered "what the hell am I doing here". We all had that thought. 11 months later i was 2 weeks away from my graduation ceremony. After all that training, all that mental and physical abuse, after the sleepless weeks and hallucinations, after being away from family and friends, I was going to be a Combat Engineer. I thought my family would finally be proud of me, I thought I'd finally be proud of myself. On graduation day I marched onto that square with my head held high, we made our right turn and I could finally see the stands with all the family members watching. But something was missing, I couldn't see my family... they weren't in the stands. I was crushed but I had to hold position.
5 years later I release from the military. My contract was over, I needed to move on. Now with the hearing of a 60year old and aching knees, I'm sitting here lost.
I got a job as an SDR with a tech company. I've tried my hardest, but I'm failing I won't lie.
I'm 29 today, sitting in my basement suite writing a post with no point. Writing a post that provides no value. Writing a post that I'm not sure I'll even publish or you'll even read. I don't expect you to either.
When I was in school in British Columbia, we had to learn how to navigate at night while sea kayaking. I remember looking at the starts and my compass, I knew exactly where I needed to go and I knew exactly what I had to do to get there. The stars and my compass showed me the direction, my map the route.
Right now I feel the complete opposite. It's like I'm back on that kayak in the ocean but I don't have my compass and a thick fog rolled in. So thick you could drink it.
What direction would you go? Maybe someone could turn on the lighthouse.
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