The right way to seek mentors

[SaraK]

It has been my goal for over a year now to find at least one really good mentor, especially since I don't have any "fastlaners" in my circle of friends or associates (besides the contact I get here on this forum).

As I was reading the thread about common mistakes when asking questions, it made me start to wonder:

What are the do's and don'ts for seeking mentors?

I have approached (via email) two people (both fairly famous) who I really respect and basically said something along the lines of, "You don't know me, but I have a lot of drive and am ready to work hard and would love you to mentor me - is there anything I can offer you in return?" I worded it smoother than that, but you get the idea. One I never heard back from (no surprise there) and the other did actually email me back... and said I could join her mentorship group for $25K. Yeah right.

After giving the situation more thought, I came to this conclusion: Simply asking someone "to mentor" you is too vague and implies a huge time commitment from the mentor. I think I would be better off to ask for help/advice on a specific problem that I have already tried my best to solve on my own (like ATW suggests here).

These are my thoughts on this subject so far. What do you guys think? Any additional advice?

 

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[Jonleehacker]

I think you were on the right track you just didn't take it far enough.

"You don't know me, but I have a lot of drive and am ready to work hard and would love you to mentor me - is there anything I can offer you in return?"

Instead of this, take a risk and figure out what they would benefit from, and then DO IT. Show up at their office and wash off the graffiti that's been there 3 months...whatever.

Take initiative, it's irresistible.

I used to write scripts for movies, and when in school they taught us the "writer's mantra"

Show, Don't Tell

Same goes for getting jobs and mentors. Telling someone that you have drive and are ready to work hard is the least effective way to convey the message.

Show them!

 

[Runum]

Sara why do you think that you need that level of help? I have a lot of people that I have used as a guide without them ever knowing it.

Forgive me if I'm offbase. It sounds like you want someone to lead you step by step through your challenge. Why do you think you need this level of guidance? Are you stuck on something specific?

I suspect successful people get a lot of solicitations from "hard workers that are eager to learn". I like the idea of doing something for them unexpected as a way to get noticed.

 

[Jito]

Excellent post jscott, it just goes to show that a well thought out letter/email can accomplish a lot.

 

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[snowbank]

If you are looking to learn from a mentor go outside the box a bit. Make some initial contact with them, and don't just ask them for "mentoring", because that's a huge task for someone to take on. I get those types of emails a lot with poker and as much as I'd like to help everyone out who wants to become a pro poker player, if I said yes to everyone who asked me to mentor them I'd never have time to play myself. Asking someone to take you on as a mentee can be seen as a "job" in some respects, since you didn't just ask for a little advice, you asked them to basically take a lot of their time and teach you what they know. Whether you want to offer something in return is a little besides the point(in some respects) since you don't know them, so how are you going to successfully sell them on what you have to offer in return if you haven't already established somewhat of knowledge about their situation, and what they would actually need. Try to ask for a little advice from them after explaining your situation. If they give you some advice, thank them, and the next time you speak with them, give them an update on how you're progressing and using the advice they gave you.

After you establish this relationship, and really would like to pick their brain, but you know the person you are trying to learn from is extremely busy(travels a lot, etc..) ask them if next time they are flying somewhere on business you can fly with them and pick their brain on the flight. Most people are bored out of their minds on planes and would love to talk about what they know to kill time on a flight.

You've got to do things differently if you want to have different results. They might get 100 "Hi I'm very motivated please teach me everything you know and we'll be friends" emails a year. Be different.


quick story:

my first month as a full time poker player I made $0. That whole month while I was studying and having troubles, I was approaching good players about coaching me. No one wanted to coach unless you were paying them a bunch of money per hour. So I approached them differently than the other people who wanted "mentors" and offered a % of my action to take me under their wing for a month and help me get over the leaks in my game. I was taken up on this offer, and made a lot of money that next month, and have continued progressing since then. If I had just asked them all to mentor me like I knew a lot of other people did I wouldn't have gotten anyone to take me under their wing like that.

 

[SaraK]

Sara why do you think that you need that level of help? I have a lot of people that I have used as a guide without them ever knowing it.

Forgive me if I'm offbase. It sounds like you want someone to lead you step by step through your challenge. Why do you think you need this level of guidance? Are you stuck on something specific?

I suspect successful people get a lot of solicitations from "hard workers that are eager to learn". I like the idea of doing something for them unexpected as a way to get noticed.

Mostly I want to be around and in contact with other successful people who understand the fastlane mindset and who I can bounce ideas off of. I don't have anyone I can interact with personally who is at a higher level than me, everyone in my life is either at the same level as me (gets the fastlane concepts but just starting out) or has slowlane thinking.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Instead of this, take a risk and figure out what they would benefit from, and then DO IT. Show up at their office and wash off the graffiti that's been there 3 months...whatever.

++ Excellent.

If someone is looking for a mentor - - - are they looking for a one sided relationship? Because if that is the case, it will be hard to find someone that is willing to enter into an agreement like that.

What will you do for them? What do you have to give? How will you improve their life or business or investment? Show them that, and they will be more open to the idea of some sort of relationship.

________________________

I also really like Runum' s question. For years, I wanted a mentor and / or a business partner. I just didn't like the feeling of being in it alone.

But you know what? I figured out that the reason I wanted a mentor is that I didn't believe in myself. I didn't believe that I was capable of generating my own success. I was looking outside for answers.

and

my life went nowhere.

Once I figured out that I had the power and capability to generate my own success
Big things started happening, baby.

 

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[hatterasguy]

What helped me a lot is that ever since I was a baby(literly, my first sail was on my grandparents boat at like 6 months) I have been around boats, and sailboat racing. Because of this I have been able to meet a lot of very wealthy people. Also I have had a lot of time to talk to these people either at the club or out sailing.

Put yourself in the right situation.

 

[SaraK]

What will you do for them? What do you have to give? How will you improve their life or business or investment? Show them that, and they will be more open to the idea of some sort of relationship.

This is something I have struggled with. I know that I should give something in return, and I'm willing to do that, but I don't know them that well so I have no idea what they want or need.

This led me to my next thought, which is related to ATW's other comment:

I also really like Runum' s question. For years, I wanted a mentor and / or a business partner. I just didn't like the feeling of being in it alone.

But you know what? I figured out that the reason I wanted a mentor is that I didn't believe in myself. I didn't believe that I was capable of generating my own success. I was looking outside for answers.

and

my life went nowhere.

Once I figured out that I had the power and capability to generate my own success
Big things started happening, baby.

After giving this whole thing more thought, I began to suspect that the only way to go is for me to plow ahead on my own and only after I've proven myself will I attract the notice of other successful people.

The other reason I was pursuing a mentor (in addition to friendship) is because I keep hearing about how important it is to have a team, to not try to do it all yourself.

But then ATW's comment reminded me of something I read in Laurel Langmeier's book:
You need a team, but YOU should always the the LEADER of the team.

That's actually a pretty scary thought, because my dreams are so big I feel like I'm way out of my league.

But the empowering thing about that is that it means I don't have to wait to find the right mentor or convince anyone to help me out. I don't need to impress anyone with how much "potential" I have. I just need to get started working on my dream. And the first thing I need to do to get started is break it down into small, manageable steps. Reminds me of this quote I came across the other day:

"The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
--Anonymous

 

[SteveO]

Hey Sara,

Do you play softball? :smxB:

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

But the empowering thing about that is that it means I don't have to wait to find the right mentor or convince anyone to help me out. I don't need to impress anyone with how much "potential" I have. I just need to get started working on my dream. And the first thing I need to do to get started is break it down into small, manageable steps. Reminds me of this quote I came across the other day:

"The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
--Anonymous

Love this!!! Can't wait to hear all about how you decide to proceed!!

And.... uh.... (whispering now)

Hey Sara - you play softball!!! :smug2:

 

[Runum]

Mostly I want to be around and in contact with other successful people who understand the fastlane mindset and who I can bounce ideas off of. I don't have anyone I can interact with personally who is at a higher level than me, everyone in my life is either at the same level as me (gets the fastlane concepts but just starting out) or has slowlane thinking.

Sara, that's good to hear. I think we all want that and we all have come to recognize that like minded people that are actually doing are hard to find. I'm glad to hear that you aren't going to wait around for a mentor.

I will let you in on a secret though, I probably talk to 2-3 different people from this forum and others via IM or Skype many times a week during the evenings. It's just like sitting around the table with your best friend and exchanging ideas. If either of us has a problem or a good/bad day it's great to bounce it off the other. I think several other people here do the same. It's kinda like a virtual mastermind group thing. Good luck on your ventures.:cheers:

++++ speed for taking the initiative!

 

[SaraK]

Hey Sara,

Do you play softball? :smxB:

Do you mean literally, or am I missing out on some inside joke?

I did play softball briefly in high school... I enjoyed playing in PE class, but when I joined the JV team all the fun went out of it because the other girls were way more skilled than me and I was the weak link on the team :smxD:

 

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[SteveO]

No inside joke. I saw that you live in Phoenix. We have a co-ed softball team that is always looking for skilled women to play. Biophase and I are on the team. MJ has played as a sub. There are business owners, doctors, dentists, attorneys etc on this team.

There were suggestions for activities that may lead to hanging with the right crowd.

I see a lot of successful people in my running group as well.

Too bad you are not a softball stud. :smxB:

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Now MJ is on the Disabled List ....

 

[Russ H]

Sara, if you've ever wondered how people get mentored, you've just gotten an invitation.

Typical process is you meet the people, socially, somehow.

Golf, softball, bridge club, opera/symphony fundraisers, etc.

After they get to know you (and like you-- this is key), you can ask a few questions.

The process takes time.

My first mentor was my boss, so I automatically got to ask all kinds of questions (he wanted me to).

Later, when I wanted to learn from the best small room acoustician in the world, I got to know him for 3-4 years before I really started asking lots of questions. By that time, he knew I wasn't just a fly by night who would ask a bunch of newbie questions and then move on. I waited until I knew enough basic stuff before I asked the more advanced questions.

Since he was an engineer, I also took advantage of attending many of his lectures, and reading his papers until I became conversant in higher-level stuff.

Your path is no different.

Figure out your focus, first.

This is very, very important.

As has been pointed out, if you want web advice, I'm not the guy to ask.

But MJ, Jon Lee Hacker, and several others on thes forums might be good choices-- even if it's just for questions.

Let's say your interest is real estate investing.

Join a RE investors club and ask questions, one on one, during their mixers.

Read good REI books (ask others what their faves are).

For years, I considered Robert Kiyosaki one of my mentors.

Not that I'd ever met the guy.

But I got enough from his books, and learned progressively, over the years, so that each time he'd come out with something new, I learned from it. :reading:

Of course, that all stopped when I met him in person.

Some mentors are better left in books!

-Russ H.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

ppsstt. Hey Sara. You play softball!

 

[SaraK]

I do play softball, how did you know??!!

 

[biophase]

I do play softball, how did you know??!!

Hmmm, we may have to start getting Fastlane jerseys for the team...

 

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[Jonleehacker]

We have a co-ed softball team that is always looking for skilled women to play. Biophase and I are on the team.

I like to drop in with my "rent a crowd" and heckle once every year or two

 

[Beepers]

If you're going to approach other people with a view
to asking them to mentor you, talk about them.
What you can do for them.
What's in it for them.

Never talk about yourself.

I've actually coughed up $25K to be mentored
by the world's best copywriting coach.

Will it pay for itself? You bet!

 

[Double D]

Hey guys, I bought a car once from a young salesman and paid cash for it. It must have shocked him when I whipped out my checkbook and wrote a check. He immediatley started asking questions about what I do and I told him I was a R/E investor. He was hungry for as much info as he could get in a short time frame. I gave him the info for the next R/E club meeting. He was at all of the next meetings.

He later called me to ask if I would mentor him. To be honest I didnt feel qualified to be a mentor. I told him that I thought that you need to have "arrived" at a point in your life that you were no longer "needed" in your business for your business to be successfull. I didnt feel like (and still dont) I had "arrived" so to speak.

We all should try to learn as much from books and other education that is so readily availible, but the best mentor there is is "doing". Get out there and do it. Whatever it might be. That is my mentoring class for today Aug 10 2008 and will be my message tommorow as well. Nobody can teach you better than hands on training..........Good day!

 

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