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My mom almost died this week, please send some love so she recovers faster

masterneme

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Hi, this is will be a long post because I want to talk in detail about what's been going on in my life lately so I can have some sort of emotional release as I've been dealing with a lot of crap.

If you don't want to read it all here you have the shorter version with the most important part:

My mom has been experiencing very high levels of anxiety. Last weekend he had what she felt like a panic attack, went to the hospital and they told her everything was fine. Next day she felt like she was having a heart attack, called the psychiatrist and told her it was anxiety and to just relax.

Things didn't get better and she started having trouble breathing, more calls to doctors, they told her to remain calm and that everything would pass. I started to take care of her continuously and tried to help her with relaxation techniques, made her watch a sitcom she likes to distract her, moved her around when she needed to go to the bathroom and everything else.

Still thinking that it's just anxiety we changed the brand of one of her medications because she said it didn't have side effects in her experience. Things got worse and I started giving her my asthma inhaler so she doesn't suffocate but other symptoms vanished so we continued through the "just relax and it will pass" route.

After 3 sleepless days like this she had to sit in a specific position and don't move or she would suffocate and experience pain, we start thinking about going to the hospital because that wasn't normal. Later she has an attack, I call an ambulance and they take her to emergencies.

My brother and me went later to see her and after some waiting the doctor told us that she was in a critical state and there was a low chance of survival. They connected them to machines and made them sleep. My brother and I were in shock and crushed.

Fortunately, a couple of days later she is progressing well and recovering slowly. She is tough. We don't know yet exactly what is going on but apparently anxiety + pneumonia + heart attack provoked the situation.

So if you could write something possitive I will read it to her, she needs an overflow of happiness because, as I will explain later, things are rough and I don't want her to be stressed and experience s**t like this, hopefully, ever again.

Thanks in advance, if you keep reading you will benefit from our story since it contains a lot of learnings you can use to not make similar mistakes and get trapped in difficult potentially life-threatening situations.
 
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masterneme

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Now that you know what happened currently I'll explain how did we get here and how depending on the outcomes we could have our family destroyed facing homelessness and/or death in an extreme worst case scenario.

I'll avoid talking about some specific information, you'll know why very soon.

My mom has a serious mental disorder and needs medication and constant supervision. From time to time she gets anxious but it usually fades away some days later. I take care of almost everything at home so she can have a relaxed life but living with her is difficult, tiring and time consuming. So I avoid small-talk but I listen when she has problems and if needed, solve them. My brother is the one who chit-chats and engages in longer conversations.

And when s**t gets serious she comes to me because she knows I won't get mad and try to fix anything ASAP.

This works well except when any of them hides relevant information that I should know to prevent catastrophies. This is the case, unfortunately.

I've been working on a video-game for some time, the progress has been very slow but with progress nonetheless. Months ago I decided to do a rework because many features and functionality were getting hard to implement with the engine I'm using (UE4) and most of the logic felt like hacks.

A little bit later I decided to launch another game, simpler, so I could release something fast, get feedback, get an audience and start having some cashflow. We had some savings to do it comfortably.

In the meantime I've been watching Javascript and Node tutorials because I had an idea that could potentially be much more successful than making video-games. In the case people disliked my idea I could show it to employers to get a job as a web developer so I thought it was worth it. I thought I could afford investing time into this with the information I had but things were heating up on my back without my knowledge.

The thing is, my mom started chatting with this person one day. Person (P going forward) was facing some problems, P was without a job and P's relationship ended. At first my mom just listened to P but as time went on she started helping P more actively. She put P in contact with a social assistant and things started getting better. Thanks to this P got a job too and the friendship between P and my mom grew.

But on some point things started to turn dark. Time went by...

My mom starts to have anxiety regularly and I notice some weird behaviors but said nothing because I thought that if something was wrong she would tell me. I was mistaken.

Time goes by and everything blows up like I explained before.

OK now I'll go back to the moment my mom is taken by ambulance to the hospital. I get ready to visit her and start talking with my brother, I was asking out loud how could this be happening so he tells me, "don't you know about P?"

Because, that's right, I knew P existed but my mom never told us about what she did with P.

Apparently and I can't confirm yet nor get into details, P has been manipulating and emotionally blackmailing my mom, our savings are gone, there will be a trial soon and we have a mountain of bills to pay.

Meanwhile P is enjoying the good life.

I didn't know about any of this and my brother only became aware of the situation days before our chat.

As you can imagine my mind was totally blown, and it still is.

And now I'm emotionally conflicted because my trust in my family is gone, I'm tired of lies and conspiracies on my back, why when there's a problem or something fishy/suspicious they remain quiet until s**t hits the fan? Why can't they speak up to prevent disasters? Is a little bit of honesty too much to ask for?

F**K THIS!

*SIGH*


Anyway, I just wanted to vent so I could move forward more efficiently.

What have I learnt? Many things but mostly:

-There's a lot of good people in the world but their naivety can be dangerous.
-Trust your guts, if you feel something is wrong start doing some detective work.
-The world is filled with bad people, some can be REALLY EVIL and hide it very skillfully. Watch out for them and be specially cautious if someone close to you belongs to the good-but-naive category.
-Stop wasting time in meaningless crap, losing focus and have several contingency plans just in case unexpected events appear.
-The ability to remain calm and be proactive is priceless.
-Secrets and lies make baby Jesus cry.
 
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MTF

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I'm sorry to hear that and am glad to hear you were there for her and acted soon enough to help her. It's a blessing to have such a supportive son.

So now it looks like two challenges ahead: physical recovery and mental recovery.

Physical recovery can be largely taken care of by the doctor but the mental one is the real challenge because only she can work through it.

Do you know why she's been suffering from so much anxiety? Is there any physical or mental space that always lets her recharge? Like talking about a specific thing (a mental space) or going somewhere where she feels safe and relaxed (a physical space)?

I'm not a doctor and don't want to even pretend I have any medical experience so just wondering aloud and sending positive vibes.
 

masterneme

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I'm sorry to hear that and am glad to hear you were there for her and acted soon enough to help her. It's a blessing to have such a supportive son.

So now it looks like two challenges ahead: physical recovery and mental recovery.

Physical recovery can be largely taken care of by the doctor but the mental one is the real challenge because only she can work through it.

Do you know why she's been suffering from so much anxiety? Is there any physical or mental space that always lets her recharge? Like talking about a specific thing (a mental space) or going somewhere where she feels safe and relaxed (a physical space)?

I'm not a doctor and don't want to even pretend I have any medical experience so just wondering aloud and sending positive vibes.
She is the "mystical" type and knows how to relax and such but she's is also very naïve and thinks most people are good. I'm going to visit her now, later I'll explain how this could have been the source of the anxiety.
 
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Ayush_

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Hi, this is will be a long post because I want to talk in detail about what's been going on in my life lately so I can have some sort of emotional release as I've been dealing with a lot of crap.

If you don't want to read it all here you have the shorter version with the most important part:

My mom has been experiencing very high levels of anxiety. Last weekend he had what she felt like a panic attack, went to the hospital and they told her everything was fine. Next day she felt like she was having a heart attack, called the psychiatrist and told her it was anxiety and to just relax.

Things didn't get better and she started having trouble breathing, more calls to doctors, they told her to remain calm and that everything would pass. I started to take care of her continuously and tried to help her with relaxation techniques, made her watch a sitcom she likes to distract her, moved her around when she needed to go to the bathroom and everything else.

Still thinking that it's just anxiety we changed the brand of one of her medications because she said it didn't have side effects in her experience. Things got worse and I started giving her my asthma inhaler so she doesn't suffocate but other symptoms vanished so we continued through the "just relax and it will pass" route.

After 3 sleepless days like this she had to sit in a specific position and don't move or she would suffocate and experience pain, we start thinking about going to the hospital because that wasn't normal. Later she has an attack, I call an ambulance and they take her to emergencies.

My brother and me went later to see her and after some waiting the doctor told us that she was in a critical state and there was a low chance of survival. They connected them to machines and made them sleep. My brother and I were in shock and crushed.

Fortunately, a couple of days later she is progressing well and recovering slowly. She is tough. We don't know yet exactly what is going on but apparently anxiety + pneumonia + heart attack provoked the situation.

So if you could write something possitive I will read it to her, she needs an overflow of happiness because, as I will explain later, things are rough and I don't want her to be stressed and experience s**t like this, hopefully, ever again.

Thanks in advance, if you keep reading you will benefit from our story since it contains a lot of learnings you can use to not make similar mistakes and get trapped in difficult potentially life-threatening situations.
My best wishes to you, your brother and your mom. It's not easy to be normal in this tough situation but i wish you all the best.
 

Kevin88660

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Hi, this is will be a long post because I want to talk in detail about what's been going on in my life lately so I can have some sort of emotional release as I've been dealing with a lot of crap.

If you don't want to read it all here you have the shorter version with the most important part:

My mom has been experiencing very high levels of anxiety. Last weekend he had what she felt like a panic attack, went to the hospital and they told her everything was fine. Next day she felt like she was having a heart attack, called the psychiatrist and told her it was anxiety and to just relax.

Things didn't get better and she started having trouble breathing, more calls to doctors, they told her to remain calm and that everything would pass. I started to take care of her continuously and tried to help her with relaxation techniques, made her watch a sitcom she likes to distract her, moved her around when she needed to go to the bathroom and everything else.

Still thinking that it's just anxiety we changed the brand of one of her medications because she said it didn't have side effects in her experience. Things got worse and I started giving her my asthma inhaler so she doesn't suffocate but other symptoms vanished so we continued through the "just relax and it will pass" route.

After 3 sleepless days like this she had to sit in a specific position and don't move or she would suffocate and experience pain, we start thinking about going to the hospital because that wasn't normal. Later she has an attack, I call an ambulance and they take her to emergencies.

My brother and me went later to see her and after some waiting the doctor told us that she was in a critical state and there was a low chance of survival. They connected them to machines and made them sleep. My brother and I were in shock and crushed.

Fortunately, a couple of days later she is progressing well and recovering slowly. She is tough. We don't know yet exactly what is going on but apparently anxiety + pneumonia + heart attack provoked the situation.

So if you could write something possitive I will read it to her, she needs an overflow of happiness because, as I will explain later, things are rough and I don't want her to be stressed and experience s**t like this, hopefully, ever again.

Thanks in advance, if you keep reading you will benefit from our story since it contains a lot of learnings you can use to not make similar mistakes and get trapped in difficult potentially life-threatening situations.
I wish her speedy recovery and your family can get through the health crisis smoothly.

Which country are you in? Is medical bill a concern?
 

Sarthak_Tyagi

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Hi, this is will be a long post because I want to talk in detail about what's been going on in my life lately so I can have some sort of emotional release as I've been dealing with a lot of crap.

If you don't want to read it all here you have the shorter version with the most important part:

My mom has been experiencing very high levels of anxiety. Last weekend he had what she felt like a panic attack, went to the hospital and they told her everything was fine. Next day she felt like she was having a heart attack, called the psychiatrist and told her it was anxiety and to just relax.

Things didn't get better and she started having trouble breathing, more calls to doctors, they told her to remain calm and that everything would pass. I started to take care of her continuously and tried to help her with relaxation techniques, made her watch a sitcom she likes to distract her, moved her around when she needed to go to the bathroom and everything else.

Still thinking that it's just anxiety we changed the brand of one of her medications because she said it didn't have side effects in her experience. Things got worse and I started giving her my asthma inhaler so she doesn't suffocate but other symptoms vanished so we continued through the "just relax and it will pass" route.

After 3 sleepless days like this she had to sit in a specific position and don't move or she would suffocate and experience pain, we start thinking about going to the hospital because that wasn't normal. Later she has an attack, I call an ambulance and they take her to emergencies.

My brother and me went later to see her and after some waiting the doctor told us that she was in a critical state and there was a low chance of survival. They connected them to machines and made them sleep. My brother and I were in shock and crushed.

Fortunately, a couple of days later she is progressing well and recovering slowly. She is tough. We don't know yet exactly what is going on but apparently anxiety + pneumonia + heart attack provoked the situation.

So if you could write something possitive I will read it to her, she needs an overflow of happiness because, as I will explain later, things are rough and I don't want her to be stressed and experience s**t like this, hopefully, ever again.

Thanks in advance, if you keep reading you will benefit from our story since it contains a lot of learnings you can use to not make similar mistakes and get trapped in difficult potentially life-threatening situations.
Stay positive and cheer up yourself and your mother. I don't need to say as you seem to be a very caring son but take proper care of your mother and everyone associated including you. I hope and pray she gets well soon.
 
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Walter Hay

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@ masterneme I feel for you, your brother, and most of all for your mother.

It seems that her diagnosis might have been guess work and has put the blame on her for being anxious. This can sometimes have the effect of worsening the problem.

Please assure her that whatever the cause, she is not to blame. Anxiety is never something a person would choose. Chest pain is never something a person would choose.

I don't know where you are, or what medical facilities are available, but do you know if she has had a thorough medical examination including an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG)? Perhaps you should ask for a CAT (CT) scan to be done. That will show up any abnormalities in the chest area, including the heart.

Don't just sit and wait, and don't count on relaxation to solve the problem, insist on a thorough examination.

Best Wishes,
Walter
 

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Hope for a speedy recovery, and that love and money flows into your life like all the rivers of the world combined! Best from Norway! <3 Get well soon!
 

masterneme

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I'm sorry to hear that and am glad to hear you were there for her and acted soon enough to help her. It's a blessing to have such a supportive son.

So now it looks like two challenges ahead: physical recovery and mental recovery.

Physical recovery can be largely taken care of by the doctor but the mental one is the real challenge because only she can work through it.

Do you know why she's been suffering from so much anxiety? Is there any physical or mental space that always lets her recharge? Like talking about a specific thing (a mental space) or going somewhere where she feels safe and relaxed (a physical space)?

I'm not a doctor and don't want to even pretend I have any medical experience so just wondering aloud and sending positive vibes.
I updated the second message with more information.

My mom is a great person and I'm very grateful for her but she can be very naive or infantile and this can be dangerous when you face serious matters and you need someone to act like a responsible adult.

I'm the one compesating this but, like in this case, I can't do much if vital information is kept secret.

I had the suspicion that something was going on but didn't investigate. I thought that if it was something severe I would be noticed and I could just keep working on my stuff, launch my game, website and everything would be OK moving forward.

Now I guess sometime I'll have to deal with the massive amount of guilt I have now.
My best wishes to you, your brother and your mom. It's not easy to be normal in this tough situation but i wish you all the best.
Thanks!
I wish her speedy recovery and your family can get through the health crisis smoothly.

Which country are you in? Is medical bill a concern?
Thanks.

We live in Spain so we don't have to care about medical bills, the people and the equipment taking care of her are also top notch.

At the same time this is the problem with my country. We're lucky but other people in other cities facing the same situation would have had a very different outcome and it pisses me off.

It's one of the many reasons I want to get out of here, your life and well-being depend on luck.
Stay positive and cheer up yourself and your mother. I don't need to say as you seem to be a very caring son but take proper care of your mother and everyone associated including you. I hope and pray she gets well soon.
Thanks!
@ masterneme I feel for you, your brother, and most of all for your mother.

It seems that her diagnosis might have been guess work and has put the blame on her for being anxious. This can sometimes have the effect of worsening the problem.

Please assure her that whatever the cause, she is not to blame. Anxiety is never something a person would choose. Chest pain is never something a person would choose.

I don't know where you are, or what medical facilities are available, but do you know if she has had a thorough medical examination including an electrocardiogram (ECG or EKG)? Perhaps you should ask for a CAT (CT) scan to be done. That will show up any abnormalities in the chest area, including the heart.

Don't just sit and wait, and don't count on relaxation to solve the problem, insist on a thorough examination.

Best Wishes,
Walter
Thanks.

In the second post I wrote a little bit more about the source of the anxiety.

I agree with you but partially, this couldn't have happened if she told us about P's backstage machinations. But anyway I don't like playing the blame game and I will never ever tell her anything that could make her feel bad. What's done is done.

It's in fact me who feels responsible for not stepping in when my intuition told me to do so.

I just hope this experience serves everyone involved to not make similar mistakes.

About the thorough examination, that's not possible in Spain unless the doctor attending you wants to or you go to a private hospital and pay.

As I've said above things here are conditioned by luck, if you get lucky and the person in front of you is a skilled caring professional then you get things done, but if what you get is the typical Spanish mofo who can't wait to go the bar then you're screwed...

For example, when I was in high-school there was a tuberculosis mass contagion. I got it but the tests were negative.

Next year I started to have a lot of nightmares with cold sweat, fever and cough. Things went progressively worse for like a year. I visited doctors regularly and their diagnostic was a badly cured cold.

It wasn't until one day I was pretty bad that we went to emergencies and the people there told us that I was very sick and needed immediate hospitalization or I could die.

You see, this is very typical, no one bats an eye unless everything explodes which is why no one is burning the streets even though our country is in worse shape than ever.

I've talked about it extensively here: HOT! - Fed Up With Your Country? Where Is Left to Go?
Hope for a speedy recovery, and that love and money flows into your life like all the rivers of the world combined! Best from Norway! <3 Get well soon!
Thanks! I hope so too, I was very close to start releasing projects, now I'll have to work a little bit harder but it'll be worth it.

Edit: My brother just came and said that she's better and may leave intensive care very soon, I'll keep posting updates.
 
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Last edited:

Matt Sun

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Glad to hear your mom is better.

God I hate thieves. I hope you win that trial and he gets what he deserves.

Maybe try some natural medicine (aka plants) for your mom. That she is having anxiety crisis and medical professionals just tell her to calm and chill it's surreal. Probably her diet could improve. Natural suplements as CBD, Magnesium, and more have been proven to lower anxiety. I don't know if you would seriously consider but whole foods plant base diet also works for this.



Best wishes and hope she recovers soon !
 

masterneme

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Glad to hear your mom is better.

God I hate thieves. I hope you win that trial and he gets what he deserves.

Maybe try some natural medicine (aka plants) for your mom. That she is having anxiety crisis and medical professionals just tell her to calm and chill it's surreal. Probably her diet could improve. Natural suplements as CBD, Magnesium, and more have been proven to lower anxiety. I don't know if you would seriously consider but whole foods plant base diet also works for this.



Best wishes and hope she recovers soon !
Thanks for your suggestions and moral support, unfortunately my family are trouble magnets, no matter what I try they "seem" to get involved in destructive situations.

And everytime we solve a problem (mostly because I fix it), another one appears. It gets old and tiresome pretty fast.

My advice is to stay away from this kind of people.

Advice I don't actually follow because probably I'm an idiot :rofl: But what can I do? They're my family, they're my "why". I don't know if I'm making a mistake, time will tell.
 
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farouqali

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so sad and shock with the turn of the events.
am glad she's out of Hospital...and the panic attacks have subsided.
try to introduce "some positive energy to your home", get a family pet. try a makeover at your home. Add some light to your home. Get some nice scent.(do more research on this it will help)
while your mum is recovering, try and see the feedback of the game you launch.(see where you can improve)
you are a good son to your family.
try and forget about how cruel people can be. just trust you Guts if you suspect a thing cross-check it ASAP !!
you are a wonderful person and May God bless your family. "you can always help people but don't let them walk into your life and cause a whirlpool"
best wishes on your web development.
 

Bekit

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I am sorry about what is happening to you and your family.

Are you able to block all access to P? This seems urgent. If P is still communicating with your mother, things could end up even worse. Since they communicated without you knowing before, is there a chance they might still be in contact? It sounds like P is a malignant narcissist (or worse). Typically it is extremely difficult to get a person like this out of your life. Your mom will probably not be able to do it herself without you stepping in and helping. P will keep weaseling his way into her life. In addition, P sounds manipulative enough to have even convinced your mom not to tell you when or if she is communicating with him. If she is covering for him, it is probably because of fear, so please don't blame your mom too much if she is not being truthful with you about P. Just try to make a safe and calming environment for your mom, and leave no stone unturned. For example...you may need to change your mom's phone number and email address, take away her access to the old email address, and possibly even prevent her from getting access to her devices (phone/tablet/laptop etc) where she could have a secret email address or other online account where they communicate. What I am saying may sound extreme, as if you're treating your mom like a child, but I think that for her protection, this level of intensity may be needed. If you can succeed in getting P removed completely from your mom's life, it is likely that a big root cause of her anxiety will also be removed.

One other topic... You mentioned that you are feeling guilt. I hope that you can see the fact that you are not to blame here. You've done everything you knew to do, and you did far more than the average person would have done. And now that you know that the situation is worse than you imagined, you can't blame yourself for not knowing what you didn't know. All you can do is move forward and make the best decisions you can make with the light that you have.

Wishing you strength and wisdom as you go through this challenging situation!!
 

masterneme

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so sad and shock with the turn of the events.
am glad she's out of Hospital...and the panic attacks have subsided.
try to introduce "some positive energy to your home", get a family pet. try a makeover at your home. Add some light to your home. Get some nice scent.(do more research on this it will help)
while your mum is recovering, try and see the feedback of the game you launch.(see where you can improve)
you are a good son to your family.
try and forget about how cruel people can be. just trust you Guts if you suspect a thing cross-check it ASAP !!
you are a wonderful person and May God bless your family. "you can always help people but don't let them walk into your life and cause a whirlpool"
best wishes on your web development.
Thanks for your kind words.

She still has panic attacks from time to time, we suspect that some of the pills she's taking are the cause, we'll see how it goes.
I am sorry about what is happening to you and your family.

Are you able to block all access to P? This seems urgent. If P is still communicating with your mother, things could end up even worse. Since they communicated without you knowing before, is there a chance they might still be in contact? It sounds like P is a malignant narcissist (or worse). Typically it is extremely difficult to get a person like this out of your life. Your mom will probably not be able to do it herself without you stepping in and helping. P will keep weaseling his way into her life. In addition, P sounds manipulative enough to have even convinced your mom not to tell you when or if she is communicating with him. If she is covering for him, it is probably because of fear, so please don't blame your mom too much if she is not being truthful with you about P. Just try to make a safe and calming environment for your mom, and leave no stone unturned. For example...you may need to change your mom's phone number and email address, take away her access to the old email address, and possibly even prevent her from getting access to her devices (phone/tablet/laptop etc) where she could have a secret email address or other online account where they communicate. What I am saying may sound extreme, as if you're treating your mom like a child, but I think that for her protection, this level of intensity may be needed. If you can succeed in getting P removed completely from your mom's life, it is likely that a big root cause of her anxiety will also be removed.

One other topic... You mentioned that you are feeling guilt. I hope that you can see the fact that you are not to blame here. You've done everything you knew to do, and you did far more than the average person would have done. And now that you know that the situation is worse than you imagined, you can't blame yourself for not knowing what you didn't know. All you can do is move forward and make the best decisions you can make with the light that you have.

Wishing you strength and wisdom as you go through this challenging situation!!
I'm not really sure about the details of what happend with P but we blocked communications with this person and since my mom is almost all the time at home recovering there's little chance that they get in contact IRL.

It pisses me off because it's not the first time we get in trouble as stupidly as we did now. She says she has learnt the lesson but I don't buy it :happy:

You're right about the guilt and since the events happened it has diminished. Maybe it is because I have used those feelings to fuel my actions. It's also because I'm sick of living like this so I haven't had time to engage in exercises of self-pitty.

Let's see how things turn out.
 
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Apr 28, 2019
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Praying for your mom mastermeme, wishing you and your family all the best.
 

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