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I've not always been the strongest with my inner game. I've had this issue since early adulthood, and it has continued till now still.
This feels like a teenager thread but it's actually in my late 30s. The context might be also somewhat remote given that not everyone is familiar with Malaysia sub cultural context. I now run what I would consider a success business, and many respect me for quitting my job ten years ago to take the hard way. This inferiority complex is like a needle in me, sometimes it's not there, sometimes it pokes me hard. And I am incline to think that it is just a manifestation of insecurity.
Context. I grew up as a Malaysian Chinese in Malaysia. As a third generation Chinese, my grandparents came to Malaysia from China. Growing up I've always watch a lot of movies from Hong Kong, its a culture staple. In the movies speak a Chinese dialect call Cantonese while my family spoke primarily Mandarin Chinese. There are several main dialects but Cantonese was perceived to be the superior dialect, so many ethnic Chinese in Malaysia picked it up and prefers to speak it over other dialects.
Long story short, in college I started feeling inferior around Cantonese-speaking people. It becomes a trigger then I am suppose to meet someone or hear people speaking it.I become nervous, sweaty palms, trembling hands, and socially awkward. I've seen therapist twice, read self help books etc.
I deduce some possibilities:
- My family moved from a one town to another. The new town was primarily speaking and I had a hard time integrating when I was in primary school, and the cool kids spoke Cantonese. And those cool kids remained cool kids into high school. I think that was when my consciousness of Cantonese is cool came.
- Idolising Hong Kong movies as a kid, and having insecurity about my identity. It also happened to speaking in English to some local friends, even though I'd say that I spoke English weekly since a kid to relatives.
- We cannot blame our parents for who we are but parents has always been abit racial chauvenist saying that Chinese language and its people is the greatest.
- Most importantly, I think it's my inner game problem, the overthinking, emotionally afraid person. When I was younger I remember spending some summers abroad in Europe and I've also behaved in very naive way Europeans indirectly.
- Internally I've felt that I have never been good enough, on many things. I had to keep proving myself, it turn out well for business, but it also created other issues like this.
Thank you for reading.
This feels like a teenager thread but it's actually in my late 30s. The context might be also somewhat remote given that not everyone is familiar with Malaysia sub cultural context. I now run what I would consider a success business, and many respect me for quitting my job ten years ago to take the hard way. This inferiority complex is like a needle in me, sometimes it's not there, sometimes it pokes me hard. And I am incline to think that it is just a manifestation of insecurity.
Context. I grew up as a Malaysian Chinese in Malaysia. As a third generation Chinese, my grandparents came to Malaysia from China. Growing up I've always watch a lot of movies from Hong Kong, its a culture staple. In the movies speak a Chinese dialect call Cantonese while my family spoke primarily Mandarin Chinese. There are several main dialects but Cantonese was perceived to be the superior dialect, so many ethnic Chinese in Malaysia picked it up and prefers to speak it over other dialects.
Long story short, in college I started feeling inferior around Cantonese-speaking people. It becomes a trigger then I am suppose to meet someone or hear people speaking it.I become nervous, sweaty palms, trembling hands, and socially awkward. I've seen therapist twice, read self help books etc.
I deduce some possibilities:
- My family moved from a one town to another. The new town was primarily speaking and I had a hard time integrating when I was in primary school, and the cool kids spoke Cantonese. And those cool kids remained cool kids into high school. I think that was when my consciousness of Cantonese is cool came.
- Idolising Hong Kong movies as a kid, and having insecurity about my identity. It also happened to speaking in English to some local friends, even though I'd say that I spoke English weekly since a kid to relatives.
- We cannot blame our parents for who we are but parents has always been abit racial chauvenist saying that Chinese language and its people is the greatest.
- Most importantly, I think it's my inner game problem, the overthinking, emotionally afraid person. When I was younger I remember spending some summers abroad in Europe and I've also behaved in very naive way Europeans indirectly.
- Internally I've felt that I have never been good enough, on many things. I had to keep proving myself, it turn out well for business, but it also created other issues like this.
Thank you for reading.
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