Mental Health, Depression, ADD Discussion Thread

[Simon Angel]

Man... I remember the many times I did something, like touching a light switch, and it not "feeling right". Then I did it again for a specific number of times.

There were always "good" numbers. What numbers were good changed over time but one I remember as a kid was the number 4.

Why 4? Because we were Mum, Dad, my brother and me. 4 people.

So I would touch the light switch again. 4 times. Once triggered, anything less would make me afraid of something happening to one of us.

Wait. Did that 3rd touch not feel "right enough"? Let's do it again. 4 more times.

But... that's not a 4 now. That's 8. Let's do it 4x4 times to be sure.

Wait. That 9th time didn't feel right... and on and on we go.

There were day where I stood for an hour at a light switch just touching it over and over until it would finally feel "right".

It usually never felt right. I usually stopped when it felt at least somewhat right or I was too exhausted to continue.

That's just one compulsion of many I did. Most of the physical ones like that I stopped doing when I got older.

Now it's mainly the mental ones. The Pure-O ones as they are called sometimes.

I love your approach of rebelling against your brain. I approach it in a similar way. By not doing the compulsions no matter how F*cking difficult that can be at times. By stopping to mentally engage with the intrusive thoughts in any way. And by trying to understand why these thoughts occur to me in the first place.

I'm not there completely yet, but I am tremendously better and now know, that I can live a life without OCD being a part of everyday.

Do you really do it until it feels "right" (i.e. vague and intuitive) or is it because you're worried about something specific and sinister/ridiculous that makes you question your sanity?

My most recent hypochondriac demon was rabies. In 2021, I got bit by a small pet dog while on vacation.

I just wanted to give it my hand to sniff and decide if it wanted to interact with me, but the little shit immediately bit my finger and did that spastic, sideways head motion that dogs do when they want to rip something apart.

The dog was obviously afraid of me because it was shaking and I just calmly asked the owner if it was vaxinated. "Yeah, it's got a passport and everything".

So I was like, OK, whatever.

Since I got a nasty wound on my index finger, I got a tetanus shot from my girl, and carried on with my vacation.

However, as a few days went by, I began to worry my a$$ off about the possibility of the dog having rabies (even though it was a pet dog).

"Maybe it played with some stray dogs and got infected."

"Maybe the owner only vaxinated it when the dog was like 3 months old and now it's 7 and it has no active protection against rabies AND played with stray dogs while the owner wasn't watching."

"Maybe the owner lied out of fear and it was never vaxinated."

"Oh, well, if it dies of rabies in a few days then I'd probably get a call, right? But wait, how the hell would they find me? Would they announce it on the news? Would the owner even remember that a stranger got bit by their dog?

"Would anyone even give a F*ck?"

After about a week of this, I booked a consultation with an infectious disease specialist.

They said the virus was practically non-existent in our country and that the last case was 20+ years ago because a little girl played with wild foxes and got scratched.

However, they were concerned about my mental well-being and suggested the vaccine just so that I'd stop worrying about it.

I asked if they'd suggest the vaccine to their children given the circumstances I described. They said "No".

So I thanked them and walked out.

The end... NOT.

You'd think that after I met up with a doctor and got reassured that there was practically a zero chance of anything happening I'd simply move on with my life... but I didn't.

I read that the incubation period was normally 7 to 30 days but can take up to a year or two (and it's believed there was a case of someone getting it 20 years after they got bit).

So I spent a whole year worrying about it. Not every day, but I'd make a mental note of how many months have passed since I got bit.

I don't really think about it anymore. But it was f*cked up. I hate hypochondria.

And people who don't have it think it's just a matter of "googling too much".

No, it's a matter of one's brain going: "Well, have you considered this extremely unlikely yet still real possibility of a brutal, tragic, and preventable death?"

And what follows after that thought is what you just read above, lol.

 

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[Simon Angel]

I don’t know what this is, but I always have thoughts of what if my parents die?

What if my sister dies?

I always have to call them, they don’t pick up then I start spamming them.

I start breaking down and having bad thoughts.

When I was 6, I’d cry to my grandma to let me call my mom because she didnt respond to my iPad texts.

What I do now:

Dismiss it
Breath
Realize the chances of that happening

I haven’t been doing very well recently, I just had one at school.

Something else that helps:

Meditation: learn to clear the mind

Gym: gets rid of stress hormone

It's OK dude. It means you really love your family and probably watched a movie, or a TV show, heard news, or were otherwise exposed to the idea of bad shit happening to some unassuming family.

I was the same with my mother when I was very young.

She was my only family, really, and I'd think of worst-case scenarios all the time whenever she was late to come home from work.

At that time, mobile phones (not smartphones) were a luxury and definitely not something kids had access to, so I had no way of contacting her either. I'd just wait and freak out.

I'd imagine she got kidnapped, raped, or run over by a car. Every single time.

Come to think of it, a lot of this shit probably came from the fact that my father left us and was an irresponsible man-child. I essentially had no father and felt unsafe. And I felt like my mother wasn't safe, too.

Kids are fragile as hell.

 

[Simon Angel]

I'm just going to write every single thing that has helped me to become more mentally stable:

• Accepting & loving myself unapologetically (fine line with narcissism, so beware)
• Sunlight
• Exercise
• Friends
• Female attention
• Love
• Sex
• Physical hobbies (working out, racing, sports)
• Cold showers
• Physical exhaustion – if you're physically exhausted, you're much more unlikely to be mentally as such
• Good sleep
• Vitamin D
• Discovering my personality type (and the personality types of everyone around me)
• Making myself my mental point of origin (doing things only because I want to/decided to, not because of some external factor)
• Realizing that I'm here for a short time and that the world and the Universe have existed and will continue to exist after my time
• Realizing that no matter how awful I'm feeling on a given day it will end eventually – which is usually after I go to sleep and wake up in the morning with a clear head
• Focusing on the present – the past is gone, I survived, and that's all that matters
• Controversial, but cutting out music (or only listening to jazz/elevator music for a while and never listening to more than 1 or 2 songs in a row)

 

[Jrjohnny]

It's OK dude. It means you really love your family and probably watched a movie, or a TV show, heard news, or were otherwise exposed to the idea of bad shit happening to some unassuming family.

I was the same with my mother when I was very young.

She was my only family, really, and I'd think of worst-case scenarios all the time whenever she was late to come home from work.

At that time, mobile phones (not smartphones) were a luxury and definitely not something kids had access to, so I had no way of contacting her either. I'd just wait and freak out.

I'd imagine she got kidnapped, raped, or run over by a car. Every single time.

Come to think of it, a lot of this shit probably came from the fact that my father left us and was an irresponsible man-child. I essentially had no father and felt unsafe. And I felt like my mother wasn't safe, too.

Kids are fragile as hell.

Same thing here.

My mom always told me she would beat up any man or woman who would even think of doing something to her.

It always reassured me when I was younger, but now I know men are normally a lot stronger than women.

I was exposed to the real world at a reallly young age as my grampa would watch the news with me around etc.

I always, try to rebel against the thoughts but it hasn’t been going very well, so I’m going back to the gym very consistently, meditating and journalling.

 

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[Jrjohnny]

I'm just going to write every single thing that has helped me to become more mentally stable:

• Accepting & loving myself unapologetically (fine line with narcissism, so beware)
• Sunlight
• Exercise
• Friends
• Female attention
• Love
• Sex
• Physical hobbies (working out, racing, sports)
• Cold showers
• Physical exhaustion – if you're physically exhausted, you're much more unlikely to be mentally as such
• Good sleep
• Vitamin D
• Discovering my personality type (and the personality types of everyone around me)
• Making myself my mental point of origin (doing things only because I want to/decided to, not because of some external factor)
• Realizing that I'm here for a short time and that the world and the Universe have existed and will continue to exist after my time
• Realizing that no matter how awful I'm feeling on a given day it will end eventually – which is usually after I go to sleep and wake up in the morning with a clear head
• Focusing on the present – the past is gone, I survived, and that's all that matters
• Controversial, but cutting out music (or only listening to jazz/elevator music for a while and never listening to more than 1 or 2 songs in a row)

What do you mean by point 1?

If you could share some examples it would be nice as I don’t really see the line between narcissistic and loving yourself.

EDIT: I realized what it meant

 

[Damimifastlane]

I don’t know what this is, but I always have thoughts of what if my parents die?

What if my sister dies?

I always have to call them, they don’t pick up then I start spamming them.

I start breaking down and having bad thoughts.

When I was 6, I’d cry to my grandma to let me call my mom because she didnt respond to my iPad texts.

What I do now:

Dismiss it
Breath
Realize the chances of that happening

I haven’t been doing very well recently, I just had one at school.

Something else that helps:

Meditation: learn to clear the mind

Gym: gets rid of stress hormone

Hi Jr,

Thank you for sharing. I see what feeling you're talking about, this protective concern for you loved ones.
How has meditation been working for you overall, has it been effective on this matter on do you still feel troubled someitmes?

 

[Jrjohnny]

Hi Jr,

Thank you for sharing. I see what feeling you're talking about, this protective concern for you loved ones.
How has meditation been working for you overall, has it been effective on this matter on do you still feel troubled someitmes?

In my opinion, it has helped a lot.

If I’d have to put everything it’d go something like this:

Weight lifting and just moving around etc: 30%

Meditation: 30%

Getting air and just breathing: 25%

Everything else: 15%

 

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[Damimifastlane]

In my opinion, it has helped a lot.

If I’d have to put everything it’d go something like this:

Weight lifting and just moving around etc: 30%

Meditation: 30%

Getting air and just breathing: 25%

Everything else: 15%

Awesome, so you already feel like you can handle your ups and downs but those habits? Also feel free to DM me, I love talking about that stuff!

 

[Tyler_Durden]

Mental health?

Yes.

An awareness thread?

Mhm.

But... why?

I know. We‘re here to talk and discuss about entrepreneurship. The Fastlane. The Unscripted life.
Beneath all that, underlying like a red thread binding everything together, in my opinion, is one thing: value.

It‘s value, that we are trying to create. To build our entrepreneurial efforts upon.

So, what‘s valuable about an awareness thread on mental health?

Probably everyone suffering from a mental health disorder wants to just live a happy life. A happy life without the disorder(s).

What would be more valuable for this person, to lessen his or her symptoms? To alleviate the pain he or she is feeling within.

So, all right. What is this thread about?

It can‘t take away that inner pain. But maybe it can give people a little bit more insight into specific mental disorders.
To be able to get on a journey to alleviate that pain, to better understand the illness and/or to seek help, one needs to know about it first.

That‘s my goal with this thread.

Giving you insights, that may help you to better understand a mental disorder. If it‘s one that you may suffer from yourself, a loved one suffers from or if you‘re just interested in that topic.

So, yes. What I‘d like to do in this thread is to depict specific mental disorders. Not from a pure scientific perspective, but rather one that looks at it from the inside. Aswell as looking into resources to help someone who suffers from it.

Some of the disorders and illnesses I want to look at are depression, OCD and other anxiety disorders, PTSD, bipolar disorder, shizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.

This is going to take some time and work, mostly in research and putting everything together.

Therefore I‘d like to make sure, such a thread is ok from an admin‘s perspective. @Vigilante

If it is, I plan to start on monday with the first post on OCD.

I am in a school that has a major focus on psychology and pedagogy. Currently we lean about clinical psychology. So basically about Shizophrenia, Depression, PTSD and so on.
A few days ago I read a text that said that the suicide rate of unipolar depression (for simplicity that is just the "normal" depression) is something of 10-15%.
10-15%!!!!
Currently 21MIO people suffer from unipolar depression in the US.
10 percent of this number is something of 2MIO People that will kill themselfs.
Just think about how high that is. And that is only for the people that go to seek help. The ones who dont are not even listed.
I am very grateful for this thread and for spreading this message. This thread is absolutly necessary!

 

[MattR82]

A close friend of mine that was suicidal has gone missing a few days ago. They found his truck at the beach but weather has been too bad to search much.
He had been having issues for the last few years but something seemed to snap and he was having delusional thoughts like people were after him etc, so we sent him to live with his parents to get some help as they have experience in healthcare. Was booked in to see a Doctor at 830am but never returned.

One of the smartest guys I've known but he just couldn't put things together long term. Alcohol and weed abuse on top of super stress around work, affording accommodation and looking after his 2 boys that live with their mother of course didn't help.

I think if we were able to convince him to get professional help sooner he would still be here, but he was so sure of himself and had somewhat of a superiority complex and narcissism which made it difficult to get him to. It wasn't until a few days ago that he even admitted he needed serious help.

 

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[Simon Angel]

A close friend of mine that was suicidal has gone missing a few days ago. They found his truck at the beach but weather has been too bad to search much.
He had been having issues for the last few years but something seemed to snap and he was having delusional thoughts like people were after him etc, so we sent him to live with his parents to get some help as they have experience in healthcare. Was booked in to see a Doctor at 830am but never returned.

One of the smartest guys I've known but he just couldn't put things together long term. Alcohol and weed abuse on top of super stress around work, affording accommodation and looking after his 2 boys that live with their mother of course didn't help.

I think if we were able to convince him to get professional help sooner he would still be here, but he was so sure of himself and had somewhat of a superiority complex and narcissism which made it difficult to get him to. It wasn't until a few days ago that he even admitted he needed serious help.

Man, there's a lot of people very concerned just about where they are going to house their family at the moment here in Australia. Things are crazy.

Psychosis from alcohol, weed, or both. I had mild psychosis with similar symptoms a few years ago while smoking a lot of weed.

At one point, I was deep into thinking everyone around me was a disinformation agent and/or that they were a figment of my imagination, including my closest friends and family. The only person who "got" me and made sense was, unsurprisingly, one of my closest friends who was also experiencing mild psychosis and paranoia lol.

I can also relate to the narcissism part. I grew up thinking I was special and had some sort of messiah complex. The way my life has gone so far, I've noticed I'm not special in any way apart from being of above-average intelligence and highly competitive/driven to improve my circumstances.

It took me until my mid-20s to fully process it. Seeing so many like-minded people here helped and has also been humbling at times.

But I can definitely understand why your friend is the way he is. I hope he's alive and gets the help he needs, psychosis was one of the scariest and most alienating things that I've experienced.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Very sad, by suicide. Was pretty established and then fell on rough financial times. Hope this is not a sign of things to come...

https://twitter.com/proudamericapt/status/1720261923839558083?s=46&t=H6_6beq-lcKZKLvfOiKzAA

 

[oneac]

Sometimes the thing you have to focus isn’t your business but yourself.

The advice for someone who has $50k in credit card debt is to handle that first before starting up a venture.

The advice for a depressed person should be the same

The science of well being course was extremely influential in my mental health journey you can find it below. Taught by an Ivy League Professor and completely free

The Science of Well-Being by Yale University | Coursera The Science of Well-Being

 

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[Shono]

Sometimes the thing you have to focus isn’t your business but yourself

I’d recon it should always begin with sorting yourself out first. Lots of people use workaholism (the luckier ones) as an escapism and become massively successful only to realize it never made them happy or they find they ruined their health or their relationships in the process. Poor mental stature is like having a poison eat you from the inside out, no matter the external appearance, it is not something you can put a bandaid over, and ultimately when left unresolved is like wading through quicksand compared to what could otherwise be possible.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Uh...

How about taking their phones away?

Nope, can't do that...

 

[Aidan04]

Uh...

How about taking their phones away?

Nope, can't do that...

View attachment 52316

Still technically being a "teen" myself, I can say personally that going long periods without my phone has helped greatly, but that's only because I understood the context and had an underlying framework as to why I did that.

Many of these kids lack overall purpose and believe that a social network, dating app, substances, a relationship, partying, or internet fame can make them happy.

I'm not a psychologist but I think the overall problem is the environment they were raised in, as well as the friends they have who also drink the Kool-aid, further enabling themselves and everyone around them.

Therapy can most definitely help, but before that, we must help ourselves first.

 

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[MattR82]

Psychosis from alcohol, weed, or both. I had mild psychosis with similar symptoms a few years ago while smoking a lot of weed.

I think weed had a really negative impact on him. It's strange to see how it affects people differently. I grew up in a small coastal surf town near Byron Bay in Australia where it's a big part of the culture. It just made me sick so I never got into it, but my 2 closest friends that did - one is completely fine with smoking every day and the other, well in my opinion it exacerbated his mental health problems which has finally ended in some kind of psychosis and ultimately suicide.

 

[Simon Angel]

I think weed had a really negative impact on him. It's strange to see how it affects people differently. I grew up in a small coastal surf town near Byron Bay in Australia where it's a big part of the culture. It just made me sick so I never got into it, but my 2 closest friends that did - one is completely fine with smoking every day and the other, well in my opinion it exacerbated his mental health problems which has finally ended in some kind of psychosis and ultimately suicide.

So they found him. Sorry to hear that man.

Yeah, I don't think weed is good for some people and I'm one of them, so I quit smoking earlier this year. Psychosis aside, it caused panic attacks and I haven't had one without weed since I was 15.

 

[Chrisket]

Love this thread, been lurking in the forums for a while but reading through all this finally got me to post lol.

I got diagnosed with ADHD last year and have struggled with depression for most of my teen years. Finally at a point where the depression is not so bad (I'm 21 now), if not almost gone completely.

What @heavy_industry said makes a lot of sense and physical fitness and eating right has helped tremendously. Also getting an external structure and responsibilities, I was lucky enough to get help finding a decent job which pulled me out of isolation and staying inside, fitness and clean eating were only able to be implemented after I had my external structure to build around.

ADHD is a bit harder than depression for me. None of the meds I took helped more than the side effects they gave me, so I stopped taking them. Especially when the external structure of my job isn't present to keep me accountable, meaningful work feels almost impossible. Even with all the lifestyle improvements made, everything feels hazy. My ability to overcome distractions, especially social media, is just not where I need it to be.

Memory also suffers greatly. For example, I read both The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted and loved the books, I couldn't put them down at times, but I don't remember 99% of them despite wanting to. I'm sure if I started taking action on a business venture, some of it would come back, but that's where the problem of executive function and starting tasks comes in, taking that leap seems terrifying if I'm honest, because I can't trust myself to do the work necessary once I've left my usual structure.

I also wonder how much of not executing is actual ADHD and how much is just the defeatist mentality I'm still struggling with. It's a bit of both I guess.

Sorry if this is rambl-y. I don't just want to vent either. For any of my fellow ADHDers, here's some stuff that's helped with productivity, maybe it can help you too:

1. Fasting. Especially in the mornings, not having food digesting does wonders for my focus, add one or two black coffees and it's a Ritalin-like feeling of laser focus. An alternative to this would be a super low-carb breakfast if you still need to eat for whatever reason. So long as the food you have doesn't leave you feeling sluggish.
2. Leave the house to work if you can't focus. Go to your local library or a cafe. The public space keeps you more accountable and seeing others working makes it easier to lock into whatever you need to get done.
3. Music, this one's a little obvious. But calming stuff without lyrics, like piano or even just some white noise, is best in my experience. On the flip side, music with lyrics really destroys my concentration, unless the work I'm doing is some menial repetitive task, then it helps again. This one might be more personal preference of course.

 

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[Supa]

Through a comment below a YT video a few weeks ago I came across a therapy form I didn't know before. What that person wrote about it sounded intriguing so I wanted to know more about it. And now... just a few weeks, several articles, videos, podcasts and being in the midst of reading a book by its founder, later, I can say that this already changed everything for me.

I'm talking about Internal Family Systems (IFS). This therapy form exists for more than 40 years now. It is evidence based. There is a lot of information out there about it. And its founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz is still doing a lot to help people with it, through books, podcasts, articles, videos and more.

Since I'm still quite early into my journey of IFS I won't try to explain it, but rather share the first video in a great video series about it for anyone interested:

View: https://youtu.be/tNA5qTTxFFA?si=FxSmUN8EBIZgKMXN

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Through a comment below a YT video a few weeks ago I came across a therapy form I didn't know before. What that person wrote about it sounded intriguing so I wanted to know more about it. And now... just a few weeks, several articles, videos, podcasts and being in the midst of reading a book by its founder, later, I can say that this already changed everything for me.

Thanks for sharing, happy to hear you're feeling a turnaround! Will check it out.

 

[Bounce Back]

Six biggest things I personally ever did to improve my mental health:
1) Read my Bible consistently.
2) Workout at least 3 times per work consistently.
3) Drink a tall cup of water upon waking up. Abstain from coffee and limit alchohol greatly.
4) Realize I had persistent allergies and start taking an allergy pill (took a while to figure out which worked and how much).
5) Eat clean real food as the primary source of 95%+ of my calories.
6) Realize complaining is poison to my soul. Best to not start at all before it consumes my thoughts - when I feel the urge now I try to immediately think of a way to compliment / be thankful for the situation (not perfect at this).

Bonus #7) Stop consuming fast-switch forms of media. These are just dopamine traps and reduce our attention spans. A lowered attention span can limit our ability to self-discipline which then in turn limits our own control over our lives.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Through a comment below a YT video a few weeks ago I came across a therapy form I didn't know before. What that person wrote about it sounded intriguing so I wanted to know more about it. And now... just a few weeks, several articles, videos, podcasts and being in the midst of reading a book by its founder, later, I can say that this already changed everything for me.

I'm talking about Internal Family Systems (IFS). This therapy form exists for more than 40 years now. It is evidence based. There is a lot of information out there about it. And its founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz is still doing a lot to help people with it, through books, podcasts, articles, videos and more.

Since I'm still quite early into my journey of IFS I won't try to explain it, but rather share the first video in a great video series about it for anyone interested:

View: https://youtu.be/tNA5qTTxFFA?si=FxSmUN8EBIZgKMXN

I’ve also tried IFS. My thinking on mental health keeps evolving.

Namely what I’ve come to realize is that a lot of mental health issues are rooted in the need for novelty, especially anxiety disorders and OCD.

As such, every new therapy is good and works at first because it’s new and exciting. But then it gets boring. And hence stops working.

IFS is new for you. It’s a game changer. Will it be a game-changer 3 months down the line though?

No insult to anyone, but generally not so intelligent people just do what the therapy says. Whereas intelligent folks like us want to know how and why it works. We’re fascinated by the mechanism.

So what we’re always chasing after is that fascination, that feeling that the prize is within reach, that we’re about to uncover something earth-shattering. When we have that feeling, that’s when we feel that our life truly has meaning and we’re excited about it.

But that inevitably wears out. No matter how good a therapy or exercise is, sooner or later it gets boring, and you return to the old you.

Like how many times can you walk on burning coals and be excited by it? Sure, the first time Tony Robbins makes you do it, it’s exciting, it’s life-changing, blah blah.

So, what if anxiety and OCD are self-induced feelings to help us avoid what we truly dread, being bored?

After all, being stressed out and researching or studying or working are all better than staring at the ceiling with a thousand and one thoughts flowing through your mind and not knowing what to do?

 

[Supa]

An incredibly valuable video on OCD (a term that I don't use anymore personally, as I learned that it's not really a disorder) from an IFS perspective:

View: https://youtu.be/3nAvx0-4wqw?si=QE77dLgueCN5dhB6

 

[DonyaSze]

I'm really glad to see this topic. I've wanted to share an essay along these lines for a while, but didn't see a good way to open the door to the conversation. Thank you, Supa.

To put it bluntly, the whole area of psychology is something MJ is strong on, but too many forum members are weak on — yet, ignorantly and angrily, are full of criticism about it anyway. So much so, that it almost drove me away when I first started here.

There are some times that someone knows what would be good to do. They have all the resources to safely give it a try. It will bring out the best in them. There is nothing more to learn or figure out. And yet they don't do it, for only one reason: they're being stubborn jerks. Scolding them for their stubbornness might break through that self-imposed pointless wall. It might be all it takes to get them moving, onward to their succcess.

Drill seargents do this. So do institutions like MIT. But you're not a drill seargent. Even if you are one in your day job, your fellow forum members are not recruits under your command. And just after one of MIT's top leaders took over at South Korea's most prestigious university, under his hard-nosed leadership there were multiple suicides of academic community members who cracked under that pressure.

The very same attitudes have led to the extreme gender bias and exclusive hostility we see throughout the software industry, especially from technically talented interpersonal jerks like Linus Torvalds. Hoping to coordinate a big, successful technical project as brilliantly as Linus does, too many young geeks mistake his appallingly bad social skills as a crucial ingredient to his success. When Linus tells people they should commit suicide rather than submit more buggy code, they see that cruelty as something that created his success. They don't see the truth that his technical strengths led to his success despite his callously cruel "pep talks." He's just one of many examples of these destructive attitudes in business these days, and in American software business in particular.

Most forum members here don't need a drill seargant, but could benefit from a respectful, sympathetic friend who can sometimes give a challenge...WITH humanity, courtesy, friendliness, sincerity. Not with unwarranted assumptions against the character of those they attack.

There are some times that someone has fear, worry, dread, anxiety. Sometimes those feelings come only from inner fantasies that have nothing to do with real life. Entrepreneurship can be different enough from past experiences and conditioned responses. Sometimes, needless fears block a harmless, obvious next step. A simple pep talk can get a person past those baseless worries.

Sometimes those feelings come from personal experiences that really did happen (as they did in my life, for example) of physical brutality, deprivation, destitution, phyiscal pain, grief, loss, destruction, death of loved ones, death's door for oneself. Cautiously wanting to not physically experience that again, is not from vague fantasies that will go away if someone shouts at me at enough.

Some people have been through genuinely traumatic incidents leading to PTSD or other major psychological challenges. Experience, feelings and mental states for which trained, empathetic active listening and wise, informed counsel are appropriate. Sometimes, psychological states are involved for which medical intervention is appropriate, wise, helpful.

And instead of honoring that this might be the truth, all too often too many forum members take it upon themselves to play the self-assumed role of Righteously Indignant Dad Telling Off The Brat.

Most of us are not lacking in success, just because we haven't had someone tell us off enough. So cool it, Fake Upset Dads Of The Internet. (Especialy if you're literally half my age, and have NEVER tried to study the psychology lessons I've already worked through, very deeply, with very well qualified professionals... a personal journey I started as an adult, before some self-appointed Fake Dads were out of high school.)

MJ wrote the books of guidance he wished he would've had when he was younger. Once he saw that his life wasn't going as the script predicted, it took some years to turn himself around and find success. While people of any age and gender are welcome to learn from him, he'd especially like to save other young guys those years of trial, by passing along what he leanned. Hooray!

MJ sometimes delivers the a$$-kicking that would have woken himself up earlier. BUT he does it based on an adult perspective on psychology. He does it based on some very profound introspection and thought that went into writing those books.

MJ's books feel breezy and flow easily. It actually takes a hell of a lot of work to package challenging, interlocking, life-changing, conditioning-busting ideas into something that reads so well. That's why he hasn't cranked out a book a month for 99 cents on Kindle. This type of quality thinking and writing takes time, reflection, revision, maturity.

Misunderstanding what MJ did with his writing and how he did it, too many forum members take it upon themselves to be the self-righteously self-appointed a$$-kickers of each other, in an ignorant, naive and hostile manner.

Being given unsolicited, bad psychology advice that comes a hostile mindset, is NOT a necessary part of an entrepreneurial self-help community. It is, by far, the single worst part of this forum, for myself and I've seen that also for some other members.

People with astigmatism do not need to be yelled at so they'll squint harder. People with heart attacks don't need to be yelled at until they just choose by sheer willpower to have clear arteries. People with broken legs don't need to be yelled at that the stairs should be easy for everyone. Yet this is what is way too often done to people with an invisible challenge in their psychology. "Challenge" here is not a code word for "something that goes away if you get upset enough about it."

There are some wise, considerate, caring, genuinely helpful people here with good psychological advice. And there are most of the users who are neutral on the topic, neither helpful nor hurtful. But there is that destructive tendency among a minority of members, to mistake their own ignorant hostility for valid mental health guidance.

That's an extremely toxic weed in this garden of ideas. I hope that this thread helps people stop watering that weed. I hope this thread helps bring some understanding and compassion that will lead to more kindness, more thoughtfully and gently given good advice. And less of the "bad cop, upset Dad, toxic psychologist, yellin' to you fix yerself Bro" kind of attitude. An attitude that doesn't really help anyone, no matter how much of a thrill it is to tell someone off, for what you imagine is the cause of anything that's gone wrong in their life.

Thanks Supa and all in this thread so far. I hope this thread will be a turning point. I'd love if if this forum can become known as an online haven not just for business ideas and social contrarianism. But also, for truly compassionate, cooperative learning about the thoughts and feelings that can help us reach towards peace and wisdom inside ourselves, along with that external success.

This post here ^^^^ everyone on the forum needs to read it and understand it and live by it. I get far more motivated by people who act like a nice friend than dudes who pretend being a douchebag is somehow good.

This whole thread is good. Thanks guys!!!

 

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[Supa]

This post here ^^^^ everyone on the forum needs to read it and understand it and live by it. I get far more motivated by people who act like a nice friend than dudes who pretend being a douchebag is somehow good.

This whole thread is good. Thanks guys!!!

True. I never got the idea of "tough love". Never really helped me. There are probably some people that like that and it helps them, but others for whom it's rather hurtful and harmful may even throw them back in their progress.

Best example is weight loss. Most people won't start losing weight because you told them they are fat and should eat less. There may be some that would get into a "I'll show them" attitude, but most won't. Why? Because many people who are overweight aren't that way because they enjoy eating so much. They are for various, often emotional, reasons. Maybe they feel empty inside and fill up that emptiness with some short term happy feelings from chocolate. So, telling them that they are fat will not cure that sense of inner emptiness, but rather worsen it. And what do many do, when they feel bad? They eat. So by pretending to "help them with tough love" you actually made them feel even worse than before you "helped" them.

Don't get me wrong, this is not about body positivity. Being overweight is bad for you and is nothing to be "positive" about. It's about first understanding the person, before trying to help them. When I was at my peak weight some friends regularly made me feel like shit about myself by making fun about my weight. I never once thought "wow. Thank you. I really should hit the gym tomorrow." I F*cking ate another bar of chocolate to feel a bit better. Just to feel worse a few moments later for eating it. But you know what ultimately helped me and led to me losing 30kg of weight? A kind forum member who offered to help me with my weight loss journey and not only helped me to understand how to lose weight, but also supported me through the ups and downs of it. I don't know if he's around anymore, but his kindness and knowledge and support was what actually made me want to go on this long journey.

So yeah. Use your tough love for those that want that, those that want that "I'll show them" attitude to get them motivated. But maybe try a more kinder approach with those that don't like that.

 

[Supa]

This awesome thread Go Fastlane With ChatGPT: Full Guide + Free Prompts (Zero Excuses To Succeed) reminded me of something similar I read about a while ago: ChatGPT prompts to have AI act like your therapist.

I tried it some time ago and really liked it, so maybe it's helpful to someone who can't afford/find a good therapist. Or for pretty much everyone, who wants to get to know themselves better.

Some prompts I found online:

• "Act as someone named Ansel"​
• "Act as if you're a psychologist"​
• "Give me empathic feedback on my thoughts"​

 

[Black_Dragon43]

This awesome thread Go Fastlane With ChatGPT: Full Guide + Free Prompts (Zero Excuses To Succeed) reminded me of something similar I read about a while ago: ChatGPT prompts to have AI act like your therapist.

I tried it some time ago and really liked it, so maybe it's helpful to someone who can't afford/find a good therapist. Or for pretty much everyone, who wants to get to know themselves better.

Some prompts I found online:

• "Act as someone named Ansel"​
• "Act as if you're a psychologist"​
• "Give me empathic feedback on my thoughts"​

It’s good to use ChatGPT as a therapist… except that I make mine into a hardass.

The last thing I want is my therapist being a weak-handed man who’s like “Don’t worry that you failed BD. It’s OK. You tried your best. You’ll do better next time. At least you learned something”

And yet, that’s how empathy is interpreted. I don’t want my therapist to be compassionate. The problem is that I’m too compassionate with myself. My therapist should dismantle all my bullshit and set me straight. That’s what leads to results.

I want him to say “here’s where you’re screwing up. Here’s what you need to do to fix it. Here’s why you should do it even if you don’t feel like it”

 

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[NervesOfSteel]

Can't tell you how many times my fiancée and I had this conversation about how others regard "invisible" illnesses, if mental or physical.

I mean, both of us don't like being too much in the spotlight, but still, it's quiete obvious how people react to visible vs. invisible illnesses.

My fiancée suffers from chrone's disease. Pretty much invisible for an outsider, yes, but pretty much everyone in our families knows of it. Still, you get those looks if we tell them that she can't eat too fatty because it worsens her illness. People still act kinda annoyed if she can't participate in some activity, because there are also side effects from her medication, causing back pains and a decreased immunity to sun rays.

So, tell your family why you don't want to go hiking with them, lol.

Some months ago she slipped in the shower and had to wear a leg splint and go on crutches.

Oh boy, the difference in other's attitude, once she had an visible illness for a while.

Same goes for a lot of mental illnesses.

Depression?
"Just smile and you'll feel better!"
"How about getting out of bed and just do something? Won't hurt you."
"You just don't want to work, don't you?"

OCD?
"Ha? Didn't know something was wrong. You're always so happy."

Borderline?
"Don't take it so seriously!"

PTSD?
"Come on. It's been 20 years now since that happened."
"Just try it. You'll see it's not that bad being in large crowds/loud places."

And on and on and on...

Totally relatable.

 

[DonyaSze]

This awesome thread Go Fastlane With ChatGPT: Full Guide + Free Prompts (Zero Excuses To Succeed) reminded me of something similar I read about a while ago: ChatGPT prompts to have AI act like your therapist.

I tried it some time ago and really liked it, so maybe it's helpful to someone who can't afford/find a good therapist. Or for pretty much everyone, who wants to get to know themselves better.

Some prompts I found online:

• "Act as someone named Ansel"​
• "Act as if you're a psychologist"​
• "Give me empathic feedback on my thoughts"​

I tried this just now and dumped my bad stuff on chat GPT to use it as my robot therapist and it actually really helped! Thanks for the suggestion!