Looking For Constructive Criticism - Sales Copy

[AlexLegault]

Hey guys,

I'm looking for some feedback on this copywriting gig I started on Fiverr.

I'm trying to build up my skills and I'd appreciate some feedback if you guys have any!

Link:

alexlegault95 : I will write legendary sales copy for $50 on www.fiverr.com

Any constructive criticism is much appreciated!

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Here's your copy:

Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?

Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?

Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?


I am a direct-response copywriter. I write words that sell.


But not just any words..


Most copywriters are very focused on being "creative", "funny" or even "witty".


I'm none of that.


I write words that get attention, build desire, and get people to buy. Period.


Results are the only thing that matters when it comes to selling. And that's what I want for you.


You're here because you want to make money, but you don't know what to write.

You're here because you want to save time.


I can help you with your:

• Sales Letter/Sales Page
• Squeeze Page/Opt In Offer
• Mail Order Ad
• Social Media Ad
• Email newsletter

I use a proven copywriting blueprint that has not only worked for myself and others, but will work for you as well.


If you're anything less than satisfied, I'll gladly issue a refund.


Click the order button now to get your sales copy today.

IMO, it's not bad, but it can be improved by adding more vivid details and specifics.

The brighter (and bigger) a picture you can paint, the better it is.

For instance...

Yours: Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?
Mine: Tired of ripping your hair out wondering what makes people buy?

Yours: Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?
Mine: Spent a fortune on a killer web page, but it still doesn't convert in sales or leads?

For instance: Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?

This statement is about as beaten to death as you can get. It is so overused, it means nothing.

 

[pmaloneus]

I would say the picture should be changed asap, didn't even read the copy. I've used fiverr and decent amount, and your current picture would not compel me to use your service.

I would just find someone who can make you a decent fiverr logo (irony) for like $5-10, that alone would make a huge difference.

Good luck, and hope you get a couple a gigs soon!