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Looking For Constructive Criticism - Sales Copy

Anything considered a "hustle" and not necessarily a CENTS-based Fastlane

AlexLegault

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MJ DeMarco

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Here's your copy:

Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?

Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?

Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?


I am a direct-response copywriter. I write words that sell.


But not just any words..


Most copywriters are very focused on being "creative", "funny" or even "witty".


I'm none of that.


I write words that get attention, build desire, and get people to buy. Period.


Results are the only thing that matters when it comes to selling. And that's what I want for you.


You're here because you want to make money, but you don't know what to write.

You're here because you want to save time.


I can help you with your:

  • Sales Letter/Sales Page
  • Squeeze Page/Opt In Offer
  • Mail Order Ad
  • Social Media Ad
  • Email newsletter


I use a proven copywriting blueprint that has not only worked for myself and others, but will work for you as well.


If you're anything less than satisfied, I'll gladly issue a refund.


Click the order button now to get your sales copy today.

IMO, it's not bad, but it can be improved by adding more vivid details and specifics.

The brighter (and bigger) a picture you can paint, the better it is.

For instance...

Yours: Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?
Mine: Tired of ripping your hair out wondering what makes people buy?

Yours: Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?
Mine: Spent a fortune on a killer web page, but it still doesn't convert in sales or leads?

For instance: Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?

This statement is about as beaten to death as you can get. It is so overused, it means nothing.
 

pmaloneus

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I would say the picture should be changed asap, didn't even read the copy. I've used fiverr and decent amount, and your current picture would not compel me to use your service.

I would just find someone who can make you a decent fiverr logo (irony) for like $5-10, that alone would make a huge difference.

Good luck, and hope you get a couple a gigs soon!
 

AlexLegault

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Here's your copy:



IMO, it's not bad, but it can be improved by adding more vivid details and specifics.

The brighter (and bigger) a picture you can paint, the better it is.

For instance...

Yours: Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?
Mine: Tired of ripping your hair out wondering what makes people buy?

Yours: Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?
Mine: Spent a fortune on a killer web page, but it still doesn't convert in sales or leads?

For instance: Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?

This statement is about as beaten to death as you can get. It is so overused, it means nothing.
Haha I like that, it's true that I did picture it more in my mind hearing it that way.

That's probably why it sounded a little cheesy.. Ok good to know. I'll change it and try to be more specific with my copy.

Thanks for the orange gumball MJ!
 
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AlexLegault

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I would say the picture should be changed asap, didn't even read the copy. I've used fiverr and decent amount, and your current picture would not compel me to use your service.

I would just find someone who can make you a decent fiverr logo (irony) for like $5-10, that alone would make a huge difference.

Good luck, and hope you get a couple a gigs soon!
Damn, it is someone from Fiverr who made it for me haha.

What would you suggest that would make it more compelling?

And thank you btw! :)
 

pmaloneus

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I just searched sales copy on fiver, i would say the 2nd, 4th, and 7th are ones that I would look at. The 2nd one would be the one i'd most likely go with.
 

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AlexLegault

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I just searched sales copy on fiver, i would say the 2nd, 4th, and 7th are ones that I would look at. The 2nd one would be the one i'd most likely go with.
So all the one's with faces essentially?
 
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ZF Lee

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Here's your copy:



IMO, it's not bad, but it can be improved by adding more vivid details and specifics.

The brighter (and bigger) a picture you can paint, the better it is.

For instance...

Yours: Are you tired of wondering what to write to get people to buy?
Mine: Tired of ripping your hair out wondering what makes people buy?

Yours: Do you have a great looking web page, but still aren’t making sales?
Mine: Spent a fortune on a killer web page, but it still doesn't convert in sales or leads?

For instance: Would you like to boost your income and dramatically increase your sales?

This statement is about as beaten to death as you can get. It is so overused, it means nothing.
Maybe the last statement can be reversed to a fear-based one.
Fear gets people running away to the solution you offer.

How about:
Miss 5 game-changing strategies that 10 of the finest businesses forgot, and lost $10,000 in extra monthly profits? DON'T.

Being extra specific can also help. Detailing your value offers down to the knife-'s edge tells people, 'Here's my arsenal that you are gonna get for one price.' Some data and actual specs on how much your product can achieve also help.

Sometimes being a little lengthy helps.
 

AlexLegault

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I would say the picture should be changed asap, didn't even read the copy. I've used fiverr and decent amount, and your current picture would not compel me to use your service.

I would just find someone who can make you a decent fiverr logo (irony) for like $5-10, that alone would make a huge difference.

Good luck, and hope you get a couple a gigs soon!
Here's the new picture, what do you think?

alexlegault95 : I will write legendary sales copy for $10 on www.fiverr.com
 

AlexLegault

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pmaloneus

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sooooooooo muchhh better! like seriously, night & day, appreciate you taking the feedback.

Have you started researching how you are ranking yet?
 

pmaloneus

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Also, start to look where else you can make an impact and what other consumers/businesses might need to use your services to start increasing your exposure on the fiverr platform.

Example:
Youtube video description writer
Instagram posts (you could break it down by # of posts written)
Twitter posts
Ebay postings
Craigslist postings (services, yadda)

Those are examples, but obviously you should become decent at doing those (if you are not already) before offering it. Whether it's ecommerce, saas, or whatever, expanding your services will be come part of the process.
 

AlexLegault

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sooooooooo muchhh better! like seriously, night & day, appreciate you taking the feedback.

Have you started researching how you are ranking yet?
Thanks for giving it! haha. I think it looks much better too. I should get my own website done.

And no I haven't. I've been trying to figure out how to do that. Do you happen to know how?
 
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AlexLegault

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
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Jun 6, 2017
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Also, start to look where else you can make an impact and what other consumers/businesses might need to use your services to start increasing your exposure on the fiverr platform.

Example:
Youtube video description writer
Instagram posts (you could break it down by # of posts written)
Twitter posts
Ebay postings
Craigslist postings (services, yadda)

Those are examples, but obviously you should become decent at doing those (if you are not already) before offering it. Whether it's ecommerce, saas, or whatever, expanding your services will be come part of the process.
Interesting, I'll have to look into those. Especially social media marketing in general!
 

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