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Alright so this one is going to be a bit of a personal one for me.
I’ve found some hardships in escapism and alcoholism for myself. I also have a realy hard time personally being accountable for the decisions that I make, I realy don’t allow myself to make mistakes and I severely punish myself emotionally for any issue that comes up that I could have possibly prepared for.
Im going to go over some of the more intimate parts of my life, I want to explain my reasoning for this, I think that If I expose myself to the world I can get a real unbiased response from people and it will help me be at ease with myself.
Ive been drinking alcohol since the beginning of the year about 2 months now, after a long period of time of abstinence. I somehow convinced myself into believing that what I realy need is the ability to moderate myself and be able to handle the challenges of life without limiting myself( unfortunately this approach has only just exacerbated the real problem).
My mother is an alcoholic to the point where I am now the guardian of my brother because she is not capable of raising a child. Sometimes when I look in the mirror however I see the reflection of the same kind of person she is and it sickens me. I have stepped up in my life to help raise him so he doesn’t need to go through the same kinds of things that I have had to go through.
Lately ive come to the realization that some of the relaxation things that I do (Ex games and such) I realy only do these things to keep up with relationships of people that I used to be close too. And as fun as it is to hang out with my friends it feels empty, hollow, and meaningless, I realy don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.
The life that I have lived in my pursuit of meaning has been amazing and I really cant imagine my life any other way, but I also feel pressure to maintain my current friend group. These people really aren’t going in the same direction as me, however I have severe fear of getting rid of them or spending less time with them. In my life I’ve never really been honest with people and I don’t feel like the world accepts the person that I am , so I’ve made these groups of outcast people who indeed are different but not in the same way that I am. My biggest issue here is that If I get rid of this group of friends of mine I will absolutely be alone, not alone as In lonely I mean alone as there is not another person in the world I can actually talk to anymore.
This realization has been hurting my progress, I feel I must dedicate a particular amount of time to friends and relaxation to maintain this odd world ive constructed around myself, My ego and identity has become so interlaced with this world that im scared to leave it.
I found a market to penetrate but its been such a challenge(I’m sure everyone can relate to this) , constant battles about issues and really no one to talk to about it.
So my biggest problem lately has been my feeling alone and not being able to relate to others.
What do you guys to do fill that part of you that want to express the things your doing, or do you just power through it and push forward alone.
I’ve found some hardships in escapism and alcoholism for myself. I also have a realy hard time personally being accountable for the decisions that I make, I realy don’t allow myself to make mistakes and I severely punish myself emotionally for any issue that comes up that I could have possibly prepared for.
Im going to go over some of the more intimate parts of my life, I want to explain my reasoning for this, I think that If I expose myself to the world I can get a real unbiased response from people and it will help me be at ease with myself.
Ive been drinking alcohol since the beginning of the year about 2 months now, after a long period of time of abstinence. I somehow convinced myself into believing that what I realy need is the ability to moderate myself and be able to handle the challenges of life without limiting myself( unfortunately this approach has only just exacerbated the real problem).
My mother is an alcoholic to the point where I am now the guardian of my brother because she is not capable of raising a child. Sometimes when I look in the mirror however I see the reflection of the same kind of person she is and it sickens me. I have stepped up in my life to help raise him so he doesn’t need to go through the same kinds of things that I have had to go through.
Lately ive come to the realization that some of the relaxation things that I do (Ex games and such) I realy only do these things to keep up with relationships of people that I used to be close too. And as fun as it is to hang out with my friends it feels empty, hollow, and meaningless, I realy don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.
The life that I have lived in my pursuit of meaning has been amazing and I really cant imagine my life any other way, but I also feel pressure to maintain my current friend group. These people really aren’t going in the same direction as me, however I have severe fear of getting rid of them or spending less time with them. In my life I’ve never really been honest with people and I don’t feel like the world accepts the person that I am , so I’ve made these groups of outcast people who indeed are different but not in the same way that I am. My biggest issue here is that If I get rid of this group of friends of mine I will absolutely be alone, not alone as In lonely I mean alone as there is not another person in the world I can actually talk to anymore.
This realization has been hurting my progress, I feel I must dedicate a particular amount of time to friends and relaxation to maintain this odd world ive constructed around myself, My ego and identity has become so interlaced with this world that im scared to leave it.
I found a market to penetrate but its been such a challenge(I’m sure everyone can relate to this) , constant battles about issues and really no one to talk to about it.
So my biggest problem lately has been my feeling alone and not being able to relate to others.
What do you guys to do fill that part of you that want to express the things your doing, or do you just power through it and push forward alone.
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