Late Bloomer's touchy-feely exploration of feelings and actions

[Late Bloomer]

False.

Which part is false? That the software allows user to delete their own threads?

Or, are you claiming that you know more about my own decisions and intentions than I do? If so, what is the nature of your psychic powers that let you see into my soul, and when will you pick up James Randi's million dollar prize for those who can prove their psychic powers?

Ten minute countdown to my deleting this thread: it's now 2:49 pm CDT. When this thread is gone at 3:00 pm CDT, in what way will you unconditionally apologize for your arrogant false assumption bullshit you hallucinated about knowing more than I do about the contents of my intentions?

 

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[Ocelot]

When this thread is gone at 3:00 pm CDT, in what way will you unconditionally apologize for your arrogant false assumption bullshit you hallucinated about knowing more than I do about the contents of my intentions?

It's 3:05 pm CDT and the thread's still up.

Looks like @Argue has psychic powers after all

 

[Late Bloomer]

It's 3:05 pm CDT and the thread's still up.

Looks like @Argue has psychic powers after all

That's because I haven't found where the Delete button is. A help page on bb code says there's supposed to be a gear icon, but I don't see that here. Where is the delete button for a thread? I'll ask for MJ's help right now with learning how to delete a post of my own.

 

[S.Y.]

Which part is false? That the software allows user to delete their own threads?

Or, are you claiming that you know more about my own decisions and intentions than I do? If so, what is the nature of your psychic powers that let you see into my soul, and when will you pick up James Randi's million dollar prize for those who can prove their psychic powers?

Ten minute countdown to my deleting this thread: it's now 2:49 pm CDT. When this thread is gone at 3:00 pm CDT, in what way will you unconditionally apologize for your arrogant false assumption bullshit you hallucinated about knowing more than I do about the contents of my intentions?

Oh man! This is not what you should spend your time on.

Write less here, take more action.

Don't pick stupid fights. Manage your attention.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Oh man! This is not what you should spend your time on.

Write less here, take more action.

Don't pick stupid fights. Manage your attention.

Deleting a place that other people chose to pick stupid fights, is a way to manage my attention. Once I find how to delete this thread, I'll create specific new threads and/or private conversations for only the people and comments that added value here.

 

[Argue]

Which part is false? That the software allows user to delete their own threads?

Or, are you claiming that you know more about my own decisions and intentions than I do? If so, what is the nature of your psychic powers that let you see into my soul, and when will you pick up James Randi's million dollar prize for those who can prove their psychic powers?

Ten minute countdown to my deleting this thread: it's now 2:49 pm CDT. When this thread is gone at 3:00 pm CDT, in what way will you unconditionally apologize for your arrogant false assumption bullshit you hallucinated about knowing more than I do about the contents of my intentions?

IMPORTANT! - Delete thread - please don't ask.

 

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[S.Y.]

Deleting a place that other people chose to pick stupid fights, is a way to manage my attention. Once I find how to delete this thread, I'll create specific new threads and/or private conversations for only the people and comments that added value here.

Your attention should be on upwork, Fiverr or finding a gig.

Not on being defensive and trying to delete thread.

 

[Late Bloomer]

IMPORTANT! - Delete thread - please don't ask.

Ah, I was mistaken about the functionality of this forum.

If your "False" was based on already knowing that there is not a delete function, then your hiding that information was deliberately obfuscating and unhelpful.

If you didn't know that, then you made a false assumption about my intentions, which was also unhelpful.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Your attention should be on upwork, Fiverr or finding a gig.

Not on being defensive and trying to delete thread.

With all due respect, that's not for you to authoritatively dictate to me.

I'm on here around one, to sometimes two at most, hours most days, in a single burst of activity. This is a way I choose to use this block of time. My doing this does not prevent me from having other activities within the day.

For example, today I'll soon log out and head to a local business function sponsored by a local bank, at which I might have an opportunity for some business networking conversation. I don't know the full format of their event, so I'll go and find out.

If someone's entire opportunity to get a gig is destroyed by spending one hour a day on a business conversation site, then they have some problems I don't have.

This is the one and only online discussion forum I've ever encountered or even heard of, that has no provision for users to delete their own thread-starting posts. That fact is not in the Terms that need to be accepted before users register, nor it is mentioned in the "How to get the most of this" note shown to users upon their registering. It's legitimately a great surprise to me. I don't deny MJ's right to make this choice on his own forum, but it caught me completely by surprise.

There are some comments that respectfully, in an adult to adult manner, offer a kind and friendly word of advice about what might be helpful to me. I appreciate those.

There are also some comments that are of a much lower standard those those helpful ones.

Some of those are deliberate traps set up for no purpose other than gloating, such as Argue's not clearly stating that there is no thread delete function available to users.

Some of those are simply malicious with no business value, such as the proclamation that it's never appropriate to simply say "I'm sorry for your loss" to someone who's widowed. What the hell makes someone think that kind of perverse absence of basic human empathy and social competence, has anything to do with business success?

Some of those worse comments spew bullshit of what the authors hallucinated about me in their imagination, as they invented fictitious scenarios about my life and work experiences, my thoughts, feelings, intentions, decisions, actions, and habits. They are based on either nothing at all or on an imaginary supposition that one small remark from a stranger is enough for the commenter to take on a role of psychological counselor.

On a public forum where I don't get to delete a thread, I believe it's reasonable that I do have a right to dispute defamation, bullshit, and destructive wastes of my time, destructive comments which are made with reckless indifference to the truth, which spew hostility and condemnation that is not valid or warranted. Those attacks already swerved far from any realistically business-focused Fastlane. My pointing out the true nature of those attacks and falsehoods is a way for me to return to a constructive, forward-focused lane.

 

[biophase]

Ah, I was mistaken about the functionality of this forum.

If your "False" was based on already knowing that there is not a delete function, then your hiding that information was deliberately obfuscating and unhelpful.

If you didn't know that, then you made a false assumption about my intentions, which was also unhelpful.

Dude, WTF.

Just start getting stuff done and posting about stuff that has been done. You will get much different replies.

Just wait a day until you can post something like, Got a gig last night and made $100 with 30 minutes of work. Don't post today that you might have a gig that pays $100 for 30 minutes of work. See the difference? I mean I might have a date with Jennifer Lawrence tomorrow!

 

[Late Bloomer]

Will those of you have been widowed, please publicly say so now as I have done. Please say, as I have done, whether it was sudden, or expected for a while.

Will those of you who were out of the work force more than five years due to medically necessary caregiving, please publicly say so now as I have done. If it was within the last five years, as it was for me, please publicly say so now as I have done.

Will those of you who had more than two years unable to work because of a nearly fatal medical condition, please publicly say so now as I have done. If it was within the last five years, please publicly say so now as I have done.

See you tomorrow.

 

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[Late Bloomer]

Back on for this one quick update.

This morning I sent a proposal to my client for further work for him at a discount, for his providing a prepayment.

My online time was at the library, and I had my phone ringer turned off.

When I got up to put away the laptop to drive home, I saw that the client had contacted me.

Not only had he enthusiastically accepted, letting me cover my immediate most important bills that had scared the hell out of me. Beyond that, he also told me he was able to have a positive negotiation conversation trying to get a better deal with his own biggest client.

He is 80% sure that he will be able to close that better deal, which would let him in turn provide an ongoing monthly retainer for me.

If this turns out as he hopes, it looks like for about a quarter of my available working hours dedicated to him, I'll get about a quarter of my monthly expenses nut covered for perhaps half a year.

We will talk more about this after I'm back from the bank event. He is eager to sort the details tonight, so he can get the check in the mail postmarked tomorrow, so we can make use of this better pricing deal I've offered him starting right away.

I stopped in to the forum share this news before getting into the suit for the evening.

Why did I not mention that in my online time here today? Because I was too distracted by the emotionally ignorant, socially stupid bullshit about how a widower's interest in basically humane compassion is actually somehow a hidden, covert request for "participation trophies," which are not something that's ever been part of my life for anything, nor anything I ever expect from anyone... and the other such pointless waste of time negative, attacking, full of crap, meaninglessly hostile speculations about MY experiences and emotions and ideas. I was too bogged down by slogging through the swamp of that nastiness, to be very enthusiastic about sharing my actual experiences, emotions, and ideas with people who'd rather make up negative fantasies about me.

Cut the negative crap, and we'll get to enjoy more positive, worthwhile conversations about business success, including my own, and including yours. It's easy: simply stop believing in negative hallucinations about me. Instead, ASK if what popped into your mind is right, rather than ASSUMING you're an infallible psychic. It's simple: "I WONDER if you MIGHT think this way? Is that actually how your thought process works? I SPECULATE that you FEEL this way, even though that's not in the words you've said so far. Is that speculation inside of me, about your feelings inside of you, accurate? I IMAGINE that you MIGHT have had this kind of decision making process. Before I appoint myself as your godfather to rip you a new one for what I merely imagine about you, I'm going to find out if what I GUESSED is actually the truth about you."

These are some emotionally mature communication techniques. If you're genuinely ignorant, I can provide some references to help you get up to speed.

See ya tomorrow, and please see my post just above this one about widows, caregiving, and illness. I would appreciate if those who have faced some of the same statistically unusual special circumstances as me, while building their own business success, would please identify themselves. It would be helpful for me to know who is especially well qualified to kindly advise me based on that shared experience.

 

[pwilliams84]

twilight zone: entered.

 

[Deleted50669]

O and by the way, Fiverr / Upwork violate commandment of control. Use them to hire people to get things done for you, not give yourself a new employer.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Who changed the thread title to that?

Not me, I think the OP did.

@Late Bloomer -- would you like me to move this thread to the EXECUTION category? That type of thread takes on more of a diary thread, might be suitable for your updates.

 

[Sully1994]

@Late Bloomer

Since no one has acknowledged it- I'll be the first .

I'm sorry that your wife died of cancer. I'm sorry that you contracted cancer, and that it affected your ability to work. That is truly terrible, and I would not wish that upon anyone.

I suspect you are frustrated because no one has acknowledged this in their replies to you- even though you've mentioned it multiple times.

Why no one has mentioned it?

There could be a couple reasons.

A: They don't read your posts, or simply just skim the beginning and ends of them.

B: They don't give a shit.

Whatever the case ( I suspect it's A) know this. People here want you to succeed. There's no doubt that you have suffered a great deal in your life. It would be nice if people could show some empathy.

But whether they do or don't, one thing is for sure. The market has no empathy. Will focusing on hardships you have endured help you advance in business? Most likely not. The community here wants you to focus on your goals, and take action to achieve them.

that is what gets recognized here. That is what gets applauded.

Hope this helps.

 

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[Merging Left]

You've had a rough go of it the last several years. I want to echo @Sully1994 in expressing my sympathies for your hardships and for your losses.

I'd like to touch on the direction this thread has gone, since I don't think this is what you were hoping for when you created this thread, and I'd like you to get back on track.

Just like in the books, this forum is about taking action and working towards a definable goal that will improve your life in unimaginable ways. It's about the process.

This thread began with your process. You're exploring Upwork as a channel for gaining clients and earning income as a freelancer. Excellent! But you got stuck. You got stuck at the terms and conditions for working on Upwork, and it set you back. That was not well received by the forum, understandably so. A few forum members called you out as having a lame excuse for taking so long (arguable) and told you to keep pressing forward. Maybe that's not what you wanted to hear, but if you break it down, they really were words of encouragement and trying to push you towards success.

Since then, this thread has deteriorated into you defending your actions because you have faced significant hardships. There is no doubt - you have faced significant hardships, and awful traumatic experiences that you did not deserve. But this forum is not here to help you reconcile those issues. That's a different place.

This forum serves to push you to pick yourself up and succeed DESPITE your hardships. We, the community, are not here to coddle you. We are here to push you, even if it makes you uncomfortable. We're here to tell you when your thoughts are leading you down an unproductive path and we try to get you back on track. Our initial efforts are (almost) always with good intentions. When you push back, however, we push back harder. We're trying to help, with absolutely no benefit to ourselves. So when our good intentions get shot down, it's not received well.

Then we enter what has now become you closing up and defending yourself because of your past hardships. Frankly, that isn't important to you succeeding now and in the future. What's important is you get back on track, land a gig, get paid, and come tell us about it. And you will receive plenty of congratulations and encouragement and feedback on how to continue to improve.

A few in here have asked you to take action and post results. Stop spending time resopnding to your critics. Even if it takes 10 minutes, it's not worth your mental and emotional energy. Get back on track. Get results. We want you to succeed.

 

[Argue]

You've had a rough go of it the last several years. I want to echo @Sully1994 in expressing my sympathies for your hardships and for your losses.

I'd like to touch on the direction this thread has gone, since I don't think this is what you were hoping for when you created this thread, and I'd like you to get back on track.

Just like in the books, this forum is about taking action and working towards a definable goal that will improve your life in unimaginable ways. It's about the process.

This thread began with your process. You're exploring Upwork as a channel for gaining clients and earning income as a freelancer. Excellent! But you got stuck. You got stuck at the terms and conditions for working on Upwork, and it set you back. That was not well received by the forum, understandably so. A few forum members called you out as having a lame excuse for taking so long (arguable) and told you to keep pressing forward. Maybe that's not what you wanted to hear, but if you break it down, they really were words of encouragement and trying to push you towards success.

Since then, this thread has deteriorated into you defending your actions because you have faced significant hardships. There is no doubt - you have faced significant hardships, and awful traumatic experiences that you did not deserve. But this forum is not here to help you reconcile those issues. That's a different place.

This forum serves to push you to pick yourself up and succeed DESPITE your hardships. We, the community, are not here to coddle you. We are here to push you, even if it makes you uncomfortable. We're here to tell you when your thoughts are leading you down an unproductive path and we try to get you back on track. Our initial efforts are (almost) always with good intentions. When you push back, however, we push back harder. We're trying to help, with absolutely no benefit to ourselves. So when our good intentions get shot down, it's not received well.

Then we enter what has now become you closing up and defending yourself because of your past hardships. Frankly, that isn't important to you succeeding now and in the future. What's important is you get back on track, land a gig, get paid, and come tell us about it. And you will receive plenty of congratulations and encouragement and feedback on how to continue to improve.

A few in here have asked you to take action and post results. Stop spending time resopnding to your critics. Even if it takes 10 minutes, it's not worth your mental and emotional energy. Get back on track. Get results. We want you to succeed.

Well said.

@Late Bloomer I want to respectfully apologize for my posts. I should’ve been respectful. Instead of replying false, I should’ve replied sorry but this rule here makes deleting a thread not viable. My bad man.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

@Merging Left and @Sully1994

Well said guys, very proud of your response. And it also demonstrates why we don't delete threads -- your responses should not go unseen to anyone.

@Late Bloomer -- to echo what has been said, we're your cheerleaders, but we're also here to coach as well. A coach instructs, corrects, and encourages. The coach wants you to win. We want you to win and make progress. And be proud of where you are going.

 

[Roli]

Who changed the thread title to that?

Redacted after reading previous - OP changed name

 

[Roli]

In my defence, by the time I read this thread, the OP had deleted all of the cancer stuff, all I read was lots of waffling about making phone calls and rearranging stationary.

So @latebloomer, I am sorry for your loss, I lost my dear sister to that horrible disease last year, and I hope you yourself are in good health.

Apart from that, we are trying to help you out and this is an environment whereby nobody will congratulate you on thinking about taking action, however we will support you on your journey.

Good luck.

 

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[Envious]

@Late Bloomer Don’t let past hardships dictact how the rest of your life will be. You’ve been through more than most, but you’re still here and you’re still fighting.
People here want you to succeed and look back at your life and say “ That was a hell of ride, but it was all worth it”

Don’t give up on this forum, open up and try to take the critiscim on board, if it’s rude or unhelpful, ignore it.

 

[NanoDrake]

As a personal rule, If I don't get kicked in the face at least every two weeks, it means I'm not growing.

I do understand that receiving free kicks in the face on a forum populated with some rambo kids behind a keyboard might be irritating but, as some wise guys expressed, the bottom line here is to push onwards, as a stoic excercise, try to imagine what would have happened if you wrote the opposite of what you have written so far.

I do understand the hardships of your past, but I invite you to focus on the principle that the best is yet to come, if you want it.

Onward and forward my friend.

 

[Dubidu]

I think you guys are being unnecessarily harsh - I get it: it's the no BS Fastlane Forum but to me Late Bloomer is processing some stuff and being the richest person in the graveyard is in no-one's interest. @LateBloomer I wonder if you ought to get some therapy to deal with your own medical issues/the death of your loved one and your childhood issues. That's a lot for any life to cope with and the inaction so many posters are berating you for/are dismissing can actually be a symptom of depression. I know plenty of high functioning depressives but you've had a lot to deal with - maybe try a free group in your area/there's lots of advice online too. I wish you well.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Busy writing day for me. Only on the forum ten minutes to check for current notes outside of this thread. I will abandon this thread by the end of the week. I will make new threads for the portions of this thread that seem likely to have ongoing business value. I request that those who made comments with some business value to people other than me, be prepared to continue those conversations elsewhere in the forum.

 

[Late Bloomer]

@LateBloomer I wonder if you ought to get some therapy to deal with your own medical issues/the death of your loved one and your childhood issues.

Thank you for your kind words Dubidu.

I HAVE. I've had substantial therapy and counsel from people with professional training, certification, and years of experience advising people who deal with the things I'm dealing with. The professional counselors came from several backgrounds including medical, social work, psychology, and the ministry.

Their UNANIMOUS professional opinion is that I'm admirably demonstrating courage, fortitude, psychological depth, emotional maturity, and grace, moving forward with life after going through hell.

One of them had nearly weekly sessions with my late partner and then with me over the course of the year, before I learned that this counseling in a hospice and terminal illness context was only his sideline. His day job is providing psychological evaluations for use in court.

He told me I have NO psychological issues to diagnose, only a lot of grief to process.

Their UNANIMOUS professional opinion is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of those condemning me here.

Why they hell should I believe those who hallucinate that they're better equipped to diagnose and treat emotional issues, of a stranger they know only from a few posts on the Internet?

If MJ allowed deletion of threads, I would delete this one on the basis of exactly what you said. Unfortunately, posts apparently can't be deleted. But I can give advance notice that I'll discontinue participating in this thread soon, so that those who already have the emotional maturity and social skill for polite conversation, can carry on with me in other threads here.

 

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[Late Bloomer]

@Merging Left and @Sully1994

Well said guys, very proud of your response. And it also demonstrates why we don't delete threads -- your responses should not go unseen to anyone.

@Late Bloomer -- to echo what has been said, we're your cheerleaders, but we're also here to coach as well. A coach instructs, corrects, and encourages. The coach wants you to win. We want you to win and make progress. And be proud of where you are going.

@MJ, as a one time favor to me, and as the fact that threads can't be deleted isn't (or wasn't as of yesterday) listed in either the Terms of Use or the "how to make the most of this" thread:
May I ask you to please delete this thread, so that I can make a fresh start to my discussion of the sometimes intense "inner life" aspects of getting on the Fastlane from a difficult position in midlife?

 

[Late Bloomer]

Well said.

@Late Bloomer I want to respectfully apologize for my posts. I should’ve been respectful. Instead of replying false, I should’ve replied sorry but this rule here makes deleting a thread not viable. My bad man.

Thank you for stepping up with a gracious apology. I accept.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Redacted after reading previous - OP changed name

Laughing through tears was exactly what I meant with the change of thread name, no need to apologize for recognizing that.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Thank you for your kind words Dubidu.

I HAVE had counseling. I've had substantial therapy and counsel from people with professional training, certification, and years of experience advising people who deal with the things I'm dealing with. The professional counselors came from several backgrounds including medical, social work, psychology, and the ministry.

Their UNANIMOUS professional opinion is that I'm admirably demonstrating courage, fortitude, psychological depth, emotional maturity, and grace, moving forward with life after going through hell.

One of them had nearly weekly sessions with my late partner and then with me over the course of the year, before I learned that this counseling in a hospice and terminal illness context was only his sideline. His day job is providing psychological evaluations for use in court.

He told me I have NO psychological issues to diagnose, only a lot of grief to process.

Their UNANIMOUS professional opinion is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of those condemning me here.

In addition, a portion (not all, but at least some) of the confusion and inaction are documented as long-term side effects, lasting years to a lifetime, of the type of chemo I had.

Given what qualified professionals have told me about myself:

Why they hell should I believe those who hallucinate that they're better equipped to diagnose and treat emotional issues, of a stranger they know only from a few posts on the Internet?

If MJ allowed deletion of threads, I would delete this one on the basis of exactly what you said. Unfortunately, posts apparently can't be deleted. But I can give advance notice that I'll discontinue participating in this thread soon, so that those who already have the emotional maturity and social skill for polite conversation, can carry on with me in other threads here.