Whew, Here we go.
This may be on the long side
So back in 2022 I decided to start working out. That one small choice caused a cascade of other events to unfold. Before then, I was (and unfortunately, many other people are like this too, especially teenage guys, including people I know and even my younger brother and father) an obsessive video gamer. During vacation or weekends, I would repeatedly log 8,9,10, and sometimes even twelve hours a day playing video games. Minecraft, Sea of Thieves, DOOM, Stardew Valley, you name it. (In total I think I racked up at least 3000 Hours, but Minecraft doesn't let you know so it may have well been 5000.) I was so stuck in this pattern that I didn't even know I was addicted. "I can quit whenever I want," I told myself. But in reality, despite the world literally shouting it in my face, (My mother once said to my face, 'You're addicted, this is a problem.' Then I would whine, bitch, and complain until I got my ten hours a day back.) I felt the oppressive force of inertia, a fixed mindset, and years of social conditioning weighing me down, like I was Atlas struggling under the weight of the Earth. Then, excercise opened up a new sort of door for me. I could improve? Really? My Actions had consequences? Who would have known.
(Keep in mind that after going to the gym, I still played video games for 8 hours a day. After all, what else could I do that was productive?)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not yet completely sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein
Unfortunately for me, my stupidity was infinite. After downloading TikTok, (I feel for the tried and true, 'All the other kids are doing it') I was inundated with the culture of fitness advice backed by little to no science, and not specific to my circumstances. I was told that I needed to 'Get Lean' and 'Cut Down'. Unfortunately for me, my dumb a$$ didn't connect the dots and realize that I needed to get big and actually pack on size first. Six pack abs and noodle arms were the height of my early physique.
Well guess what, if you lose weight while your still skinny, you don't become the next Ronnie Coleman. You become the next David Blaine (Or more specifically, David Blaine 44 days into his glass box). I was diagnosed with Anorexia. (An eating disorder characterized by obsessive desire to lose weight.) I didn't think I had an eating disorder, but hours of conditioning from the TikTok Algorithim deeply ingrained false beliefs in me. Upon visiting my doctor, I was immediately sent into an eating disorder recovery program. (Which I hated, but in hindsight was probably a good idea.)
So what happened next? Did I instantly become healthy again? Far from it. I was forbidden from exercising (which makes sense on paper, but F*cked me up. I still held the belief 'exercise is the only productive thing I can do.') I indulged in Video Games, sometimes even calling me my parents and telling them to pick me up from school because "It was too hard for me." Addiction has sunk its slimy tendrils into me, and didn't plan to let go. I whispered myself white lies like 'this is what I like to do' and 'I can quit anytime, I've still got friends, right?'. Even then, I forsook my real friends with online strangers, most of who were adults living the slow lane. I even played with a U.S army soldier living in Japan. You would expect him to be disciplined and productive right? Nope, playing videogames while stationed at his Military base was the way to go for him.
Fast forward three months later.
After completely giving up my control over what I ate, and just eating whatever I was given, or eating out of boredom. (Trader Joes Organic Corn Dipper Chips I'm looking at you.) I gained enough weight to be allowed to exercise one day a week. (THANK GOD). I started to eat healthily again, mostly consuming whole foods, including lots of red meat, eggs and fish. (If anyone tells you "Don't eat red meat or eggs because they're bad for your health and will raise cholesterol, they're lying to you. What's going to ruin your health is the processed soy vegan bullshit they're trying to convince you to eat. "It tastes like meat, except it's half as nutritious, filled with chemicals, and F*cks with your hormones. But don't worry, its made from plants. See, it must be healthy." That's like saying Heroine is healthy because it comes from poppyseeds.)
So, I started to actually gain some muscle and feel better about myself. However I few had a few things weighing me down.
A) My video game problem (I played less, but it was still bad)
B) My friends on a direct course, headed for the sidewalk with the sidewalk
C) My belief that I couldn't be great and had to just become whatever society wanted me to be.
Then, I discovered Self Improvement "Culture" If that's what you want to call it. Youtubers (I'm not going to name any because I don't want to give them free clout. Most of what they say to do follows the "Do what I say, not What I do." model of business. If you feel tempted to buy a course from one of these guys teaching you how to become an entrepreneur, make $10,000 a month, or "Hustle" your way to riches, don't buy them please.) I started to believe that I could accomplish challenging things, and become more disciplined. It's from one of these self Improvement Gurus that I got reccomended The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted . I didn't read these until much later though. I deleted all my video games, deleted social media, and began to read. Unfortunately, as opposed to reading smart, I read as an action-fake. I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur, ask the rules to F*ck off, and enjoy freedom from a 9-5. But I didn't know WHY or WHAT. I wanted to be an entrepreneur because It seemed the best possible option. Like how so many Asian families tell their kids to go be Doctors, Lawyers, Scientists, or Engineers, I wanted to do it because it seemed like a new best job. But Entrepreneurship isn't a job. It's a way of living. I continued to "Action Fake" my way to contentment until I decided to start brainstorming ideas for a business. I asked my parents for a checking account, and to help me create a business license. Although begrudingly, (My parents were hardcore marxists at the time. My mom was a Teacher and my father was the President of the local United Auto Workers union. I was constantly told, from childhood to adolescence "Capitalism it evil. All Rich people are rich because they have too much and steal from all the poor. Communism is the best system. Money is the root of all evil. The United States is an evil superpower." Fortunately for me, I started to question those beliefs. I asked, "If Rich people are so evil, how come so many billionaires are philanthropists"? "If all rich people are so evil, why do so many of the comforts we enjoy today (Food from a grocery store, Nice Cars, Electricity, etc.) were created by the rich?" "If Communism/Socialism is the best system, why are all communist countries either broke (Cuba), or have massve societal and economic issues (China, North Korea, etc.). I dont't like to argue about politics, but I just wanted to bring up my belief that asking for free handouts from the government is like asking for money from your friend who makes just a little too much money and swears he isn't a drug dealer. You may get your money, but the reperations for borrowing may have unforseen consequences. (Namely nationa debt.). Again not Politics, just my opinion. For the rare forum user who avidly supports communism, I get it. I was firmly convinced that Communism was the way to go. You may have your reasons for believing that, and I had mine.
Away from that tangent, after my parents told my Aunt (Who is a banker working for J.P Morgan Chase), that I wanted to start a business, she wanted to hear about it. I talked about how I had learned accounting, and wanted to start a business. She espoused the Slow-Lane narrative to me (No wonder). She told me that I should how if I invested a cut of my income into long term mutual funds, index funds, or stocks. She told me a story, "Back when I was your age, my aunt died. She left me $10,000. I immediately went and blew it. I bought a new bike, took my friends out to fancy dinners, and bought new clothes. If i had invested that money in a mutual fund (She's in her late fifties, early sixties) i would have $100,000 dollars now. She neglected to tell me that investment was vehicle to stay wealthy, not to get wealthy. This immediately set of alarm bells in my brain. I was expected to give my money to Somebody Else to spend for me, and then I would get 8% returns? That didn't sound realistic, practical, or correct. I recall being given the advice "Invest in low-cost Index Funds" Funnily enough, the book that gave me that advice The Little Book of Common Sense Investing said that investing in low cost index funds was the shit. It even had a quote from Warren Buffet on the back "I believe that low cost index funds are the best investment choice for the great majority of equity investors." But I didn't want to be like the majority. The majority were broke complaining "This is unfair, those stupid CEOs and Billionares make all the money. I suffer from income equality because I'm (Insert Minority Here). Or they were saying, "One day, I'll have enough to retire." Then what? Most seniors spend their time watching TV, playing pickleball, or playing Bingo. That sounded like geriatric purgatory. Funny enough, the book was written by John C. Bogle, the founder of Vanguard. You mind think he would be interested in promiting that kind of stuff.
So to cut to chase (I realize i've been ranting) I've got an issue.
I want to start a great business that helps create great things. But I haven't started yet. I keep telling myself these excuses, even though I know that they are invalid
1: I don't have a good enough idea
2: Now's not the right time to start a business, all the new technology has already been discovered. (Looking back on it I realize all the new technology that is famous for being Innovative/New etc. is from 2000-2018. So theres probably still a lot left to find.
I decided that in order to start a business, I've just got to get the wheels rolling. I read Unscripted and The Millionare Fastlane. I decided that if I don't do something now, I'll action fake myself into an Army Recruiter's office, where I'll serve for six years earning a teacher's salary. I decided that
A) I'm going to start business in the next seven days.
B) I'm going to write down ideas every day.
I thought that this would get me started, but I've got some doubts. What if I put in a bunch of time and effort into a bad idea and nobody bats an eye? I realize that I've got to keep trying, but what If instead of my ideas getting better, I get stuck in a loop of fail-learn but not really improve-repeat until I'm stuck sleeping in my parent's garage?
The real big thing I'm struggling with is,
I can't come up with any good ideas, and I just feel like I'm wasting my time.
I've tried thinking about things I hate, things I could make better, etc. but my mind keeps telling me that, the idea isn't good/innovative/creative enough, and that no one will buy it or somebody already did it better.
Anyways, MJ's books were possibly two of the best books I've ever read. They opened my eyes to how I keep making excuses, and how I need to cut to the chase and make something great.
Again, apologize if this post is long,
and would appreciate any help.
This may be on the long side
So back in 2022 I decided to start working out. That one small choice caused a cascade of other events to unfold. Before then, I was (and unfortunately, many other people are like this too, especially teenage guys, including people I know and even my younger brother and father) an obsessive video gamer. During vacation or weekends, I would repeatedly log 8,9,10, and sometimes even twelve hours a day playing video games. Minecraft, Sea of Thieves, DOOM, Stardew Valley, you name it. (In total I think I racked up at least 3000 Hours, but Minecraft doesn't let you know so it may have well been 5000.) I was so stuck in this pattern that I didn't even know I was addicted. "I can quit whenever I want," I told myself. But in reality, despite the world literally shouting it in my face, (My mother once said to my face, 'You're addicted, this is a problem.' Then I would whine, bitch, and complain until I got my ten hours a day back.) I felt the oppressive force of inertia, a fixed mindset, and years of social conditioning weighing me down, like I was Atlas struggling under the weight of the Earth. Then, excercise opened up a new sort of door for me. I could improve? Really? My Actions had consequences? Who would have known.
(Keep in mind that after going to the gym, I still played video games for 8 hours a day. After all, what else could I do that was productive?)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not yet completely sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein
Unfortunately for me, my stupidity was infinite. After downloading TikTok, (I feel for the tried and true, 'All the other kids are doing it') I was inundated with the culture of fitness advice backed by little to no science, and not specific to my circumstances. I was told that I needed to 'Get Lean' and 'Cut Down'. Unfortunately for me, my dumb a$$ didn't connect the dots and realize that I needed to get big and actually pack on size first. Six pack abs and noodle arms were the height of my early physique.
Well guess what, if you lose weight while your still skinny, you don't become the next Ronnie Coleman. You become the next David Blaine (Or more specifically, David Blaine 44 days into his glass box). I was diagnosed with Anorexia. (An eating disorder characterized by obsessive desire to lose weight.) I didn't think I had an eating disorder, but hours of conditioning from the TikTok Algorithim deeply ingrained false beliefs in me. Upon visiting my doctor, I was immediately sent into an eating disorder recovery program. (Which I hated, but in hindsight was probably a good idea.)
So what happened next? Did I instantly become healthy again? Far from it. I was forbidden from exercising (which makes sense on paper, but F*cked me up. I still held the belief 'exercise is the only productive thing I can do.') I indulged in Video Games, sometimes even calling me my parents and telling them to pick me up from school because "It was too hard for me." Addiction has sunk its slimy tendrils into me, and didn't plan to let go. I whispered myself white lies like 'this is what I like to do' and 'I can quit anytime, I've still got friends, right?'. Even then, I forsook my real friends with online strangers, most of who were adults living the slow lane. I even played with a U.S army soldier living in Japan. You would expect him to be disciplined and productive right? Nope, playing videogames while stationed at his Military base was the way to go for him.
Fast forward three months later.
After completely giving up my control over what I ate, and just eating whatever I was given, or eating out of boredom. (Trader Joes Organic Corn Dipper Chips I'm looking at you.) I gained enough weight to be allowed to exercise one day a week. (THANK GOD). I started to eat healthily again, mostly consuming whole foods, including lots of red meat, eggs and fish. (If anyone tells you "Don't eat red meat or eggs because they're bad for your health and will raise cholesterol, they're lying to you. What's going to ruin your health is the processed soy vegan bullshit they're trying to convince you to eat. "It tastes like meat, except it's half as nutritious, filled with chemicals, and F*cks with your hormones. But don't worry, its made from plants. See, it must be healthy." That's like saying Heroine is healthy because it comes from poppyseeds.)
So, I started to actually gain some muscle and feel better about myself. However I few had a few things weighing me down.
A) My video game problem (I played less, but it was still bad)
B) My friends on a direct course, headed for the sidewalk with the sidewalk
C) My belief that I couldn't be great and had to just become whatever society wanted me to be.
Then, I discovered Self Improvement "Culture" If that's what you want to call it. Youtubers (I'm not going to name any because I don't want to give them free clout. Most of what they say to do follows the "Do what I say, not What I do." model of business. If you feel tempted to buy a course from one of these guys teaching you how to become an entrepreneur, make $10,000 a month, or "Hustle" your way to riches, don't buy them please.) I started to believe that I could accomplish challenging things, and become more disciplined. It's from one of these self Improvement Gurus that I got reccomended The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted . I didn't read these until much later though. I deleted all my video games, deleted social media, and began to read. Unfortunately, as opposed to reading smart, I read as an action-fake. I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur, ask the rules to F*ck off, and enjoy freedom from a 9-5. But I didn't know WHY or WHAT. I wanted to be an entrepreneur because It seemed the best possible option. Like how so many Asian families tell their kids to go be Doctors, Lawyers, Scientists, or Engineers, I wanted to do it because it seemed like a new best job. But Entrepreneurship isn't a job. It's a way of living. I continued to "Action Fake" my way to contentment until I decided to start brainstorming ideas for a business. I asked my parents for a checking account, and to help me create a business license. Although begrudingly, (My parents were hardcore marxists at the time. My mom was a Teacher and my father was the President of the local United Auto Workers union. I was constantly told, from childhood to adolescence "Capitalism it evil. All Rich people are rich because they have too much and steal from all the poor. Communism is the best system. Money is the root of all evil. The United States is an evil superpower." Fortunately for me, I started to question those beliefs. I asked, "If Rich people are so evil, how come so many billionaires are philanthropists"? "If all rich people are so evil, why do so many of the comforts we enjoy today (Food from a grocery store, Nice Cars, Electricity, etc.) were created by the rich?" "If Communism/Socialism is the best system, why are all communist countries either broke (Cuba), or have massve societal and economic issues (China, North Korea, etc.). I dont't like to argue about politics, but I just wanted to bring up my belief that asking for free handouts from the government is like asking for money from your friend who makes just a little too much money and swears he isn't a drug dealer. You may get your money, but the reperations for borrowing may have unforseen consequences. (Namely nationa debt.). Again not Politics, just my opinion. For the rare forum user who avidly supports communism, I get it. I was firmly convinced that Communism was the way to go. You may have your reasons for believing that, and I had mine.
Away from that tangent, after my parents told my Aunt (Who is a banker working for J.P Morgan Chase), that I wanted to start a business, she wanted to hear about it. I talked about how I had learned accounting, and wanted to start a business. She espoused the Slow-Lane narrative to me (No wonder). She told me that I should how if I invested a cut of my income into long term mutual funds, index funds, or stocks. She told me a story, "Back when I was your age, my aunt died. She left me $10,000. I immediately went and blew it. I bought a new bike, took my friends out to fancy dinners, and bought new clothes. If i had invested that money in a mutual fund (She's in her late fifties, early sixties) i would have $100,000 dollars now. She neglected to tell me that investment was vehicle to stay wealthy, not to get wealthy. This immediately set of alarm bells in my brain. I was expected to give my money to Somebody Else to spend for me, and then I would get 8% returns? That didn't sound realistic, practical, or correct. I recall being given the advice "Invest in low-cost Index Funds" Funnily enough, the book that gave me that advice The Little Book of Common Sense Investing said that investing in low cost index funds was the shit. It even had a quote from Warren Buffet on the back "I believe that low cost index funds are the best investment choice for the great majority of equity investors." But I didn't want to be like the majority. The majority were broke complaining "This is unfair, those stupid CEOs and Billionares make all the money. I suffer from income equality because I'm (Insert Minority Here). Or they were saying, "One day, I'll have enough to retire." Then what? Most seniors spend their time watching TV, playing pickleball, or playing Bingo. That sounded like geriatric purgatory. Funny enough, the book was written by John C. Bogle, the founder of Vanguard. You mind think he would be interested in promiting that kind of stuff.
So to cut to chase (I realize i've been ranting) I've got an issue.
I want to start a great business that helps create great things. But I haven't started yet. I keep telling myself these excuses, even though I know that they are invalid
1: I don't have a good enough idea
2: Now's not the right time to start a business, all the new technology has already been discovered. (Looking back on it I realize all the new technology that is famous for being Innovative/New etc. is from 2000-2018. So theres probably still a lot left to find.
I decided that in order to start a business, I've just got to get the wheels rolling. I read Unscripted and The Millionare Fastlane. I decided that if I don't do something now, I'll action fake myself into an Army Recruiter's office, where I'll serve for six years earning a teacher's salary. I decided that
A) I'm going to start business in the next seven days.
B) I'm going to write down ideas every day.
I thought that this would get me started, but I've got some doubts. What if I put in a bunch of time and effort into a bad idea and nobody bats an eye? I realize that I've got to keep trying, but what If instead of my ideas getting better, I get stuck in a loop of fail-learn but not really improve-repeat until I'm stuck sleeping in my parent's garage?
The real big thing I'm struggling with is,
I can't come up with any good ideas, and I just feel like I'm wasting my time.
I've tried thinking about things I hate, things I could make better, etc. but my mind keeps telling me that, the idea isn't good/innovative/creative enough, and that no one will buy it or somebody already did it better.
Anyways, MJ's books were possibly two of the best books I've ever read. They opened my eyes to how I keep making excuses, and how I need to cut to the chase and make something great.
Again, apologize if this post is long,
and would appreciate any help.
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