I'm probably the biggest loser here.

[johnnyqt25]

Hello everyone. I don't where to start. I guess I'll start off by telling you how much of a loser I am. I'm 34 and still live with my dad. I dropped out of college to support my mom's cancer treatment, but she passed away recently. And on top of that I was just laid off from my job and my girlfriend left me.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. It's hard finding a job without a college degree and I'm not looking forward to going back to the slow lane. Since last month, I've been on the fast lane teaching myself HTML, CSS, and PHP. I've learned the basics of HTML/CSS within a week, but having difficulty with PHP. PHP is harder than I thought and I don't know if I'll ever get it. I was really motivated to learn it too, but now I'm not so sure of anything anymore. Some times I just feel like giving up on everything. I even thought about buying a gun to blow my brains out or run my car off a cliff somewhere. Please tell me life is going to get better than this, because it doesn't look so good right now...

 

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[James Fake]

Alright...

1) Take this opportunity that you live with your dad as a cushioned launch pad while you get yourself together. so view it as a positive.

2) Dropping out of college to take care of your mom is by far nothing to be associated negatively on; it was a great thing to do, you have priorities straight Mother > college graduation, colleges will be around forever. Use the trauma experienced with your mother as motivation and passion in fulfilling your dreams. (that's what I do with my grandmother who passed from cancer. To get personal; it's not a day that goes by that I think; if I had money, her last months would of been way better for her. I could of spent more time with her [wouldn't have been slaved by work hours] and provided her unforgettable activities and experiences in those last months instead of just being in the house. so I use that and I think; the same shit will NOT happen with my mother and dad when time eventually comes.)

3) Read MJ's story about the girl that left him during his down times. I bet she feels like an idiot now. Do the same.

4) HTML/css is slightly different than PHP. In a sense that one is for Design, and the other is for Programming. They are two different disciplines (usually people are better at one and not both) For instance, I am alot better designer than coding, so I choose to stay in the design aspects. Do you want to be a good designer and make websites? or do you want to program web apps, software, etc.? Choose one, and go with it.

5) Jobs are tough, no doubt. But use a thing called supply and demand in your favor. Make them come to you, not the other way around. Don't be one of the 100s that apply for a position, instead; be 1 of the 5 that a recruiter keeps calling. And in this case; anything internet design/coder related is in high demand and will continue to be for many years.

If you want to see this in action; make and post a fake resume with your phone on it on Careerbuilder or Monster with some great html/css stuff on there. And you'll instantly see how many phone calls you'll get.

 

[77startup]

Hey johnny,

I know how you must feel. We've all been at low points in our lives and no matter how much worse someones else life might be it doesn't make our life feel any better.

Let me ask you a question.

If there were no limitations or consequences what would the average perfect day look like?

 

[Anon3587x]

Life is nothing but a perception.

You're only a loser if you perceive yourself as one, and in my opinion, so long as you are a virtuous person you should not consider yourself a 'loser' just because you don't generate money.

I found that, once you get past the illusion that money defines a persons worth you will be much happier.

 

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[RollsRhys]

Alright...

1) Take this opportunity that you live with your dad as a cushioned launch pad while you get yourself together. so view it as a positive.

2) Dropping out of college to take care of your mom is by far nothing to be associated negatively on; it was a great thing to do, you have priorities straight Mother > college graduation, colleges will be around forever. Use the trauma experienced with your mother as motivation and passion in fulfilling your dreams. (that's what I do with my grandmother who passed from cancer. To get personal; it's not a day that goes by that I think; if I had money, her last months would of been way better for her. I could of spent more time with her [wouldn't have been slaved by work hours] and provided her unforgettable activities and experiences in those last months instead of just being in the house. so I use that and I think; the same shit will NOT happen with my mother and dad when time eventually comes.)

3) Read MJ's story about the girl that left him during his down times. I bet she feels like an idiot now. Do the same.

4) HTML/css is slightly different than PHP. In a sense that one is for Design, and the other is for Programming. They are two different disciplines (usually people are better at one and not both) For instance, I am alot better designer than coding, so I choose to stay in the design aspects. Do you want to be a good designer and make websites? or do you want to program web apps, software, etc.? Choose one, and go with it.

5) Jobs are tough, no doubt. But use a thing called supply and demand in your favor. Make them come to you, not the other way around. Don't be one of the 100s that apply for a position, instead; be 1 of the 5 that a recruiter keeps calling. And in this case; anything internet design/coder related is in high demand and will continue to be for many years.

If you want to see this in action; make and post a fake resume with your phone on it on Careerbuilder or Monster with some great html/css stuff on there. And you'll instantly see how many phone calls you'll get.

Never before have I quoted an entire post, but James speaks absolute truth.

You can never again have the time you had with your mother, while colleges will be around forever. You did the right and best thing by taking care of your mom.

 

[HenkHolland]

I'm sorry to read about your mom and about you losing your girlfriend and your job.

Nevertheless, I would like to advise you to count your blessings, like the fact that you can still live with your dad. My dad passed away when I was in my teens.

Reconsider whether you really need to learn php programming to get your fastlane plans going. Not to be blunt, but I have come across several people who used the learning of programming skills as an excuse to postpone the more important factors for getting into the fastlane.

Do you have a fastlane plan?

As a final point I strongly recommend to start exercising. If done properly, physical exercise is the best remedy against depression. You will regain physical and mental energy to move forward.

 

[JayKid]

I think James really laid out everything perfectly.

It's all a mindset. You are only a loser if you believe you are one... and you have no reason to believe that!

You leaving college for your mother is nothing to be ashamed about.

Everyone has girlfriends that have left them. Let that become her loss.

You lost your job. It happens. Especially considering the current economic situation, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You live with your Dad. You have a place to call your home. You have a father who welcomed you home. As long as you actively try to make something of yourself and take advantage of the free home, why is that being a loser?


You can always look at things in a negative light, but don't. That will lead nowhere fast. If you want to get to the fastlane, the first thing to do is NEVER look at anything negatively. Problems aren't problems. Let them be solutions to solve.

So, what is the "problem" you are having? You want to make something of yourself. What's the solution? You've already decided to follow it by going on the fastlane, learning HTML/CSS and now dabbling in PHP. That's great! It's a definite step in the right direction.

I think the next step (I suggest before you bother with PHP, if you ever really need to, but that's another discussion entirely) is to find more problems to solve. That's the key to the fastlane. Learning some coding languages does help you implement solutions to problems, but I think if you find problems to solve, you'll soon forget about what you feel are your own problems. It'll get you rolling on the fastlane, get you excited, and lead to success.

So, get going. You already learned some HTML/CSS. Came here. Posted. Those are all small steps in the journey... one foot in front of the other, just keep those steps coming. You should proud of yourself for coming out here.

I wish you lots of luck. You're no loser.

 

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[diesel]

A lot of great advice here for you. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Please, do not take this advice lightly. The most important thing you can do to further yourself is to start with changing your mindset and outlook on life.

I can relate to your suicidal thoughts because I use to have them too. Went on anti-depressants that never helped but made things worse and then I decided their had to be a better way then taking drugs and searched for an alternate way to make a change in my feelings etc.

I read books by ekhart tolle, wayne dyer and bought meditaion cd's from bill harris. Needless to say I went from filing bankruptcy and losing my house to now owning my home, cars and everything else outright and business is getting better.

I'm pretty close to your age too at 33. It all started with changing my thinking and perspective on life.

You can do it. Believe in yourself.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

As everyone stated, it was an honorable thing to do to help assist with your mother's treatment. That makes you far from a loser, but a winner. The fact that you are learning and put in actions to change is a positive step in the right direction. Real change doesn't happen in a moment, it happens over time and I see that. As I've said before, these dark times fill the pages of your unfolding story.

Hope to see ya around Johnny.

 

[royemunson]

I'll just add to what others have said since that may hellp. I was in your shoes and now coming out the other end (and life has been fantastic). You're obviously here for a reason and that is b/c you don't want to be like 90% out there. And yes taking care of your sick mother is beyond admirable.

It took a lot to realize that if I wanted to be like hte masses, then the degree, the wife, the house, all that junk is waht I needed.

Well life throws you a curve - my wife left after 10 years and that was a very hard thing to go through, but if you stay focused on working on yourself now is the perfect time for you since it appears your responsibilties are minimal.

PS there are plenty of fun women out there - trust me as i'm around your age and they are a lot of fun! turn mental focus around into a positive. absorb all you can and use this time to become the person you want to be so that you are able to provide to society on a massive scale.

Joe

 

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[911Carrera]

Like others have said, you are far from a loser. A loser is someone who's in a bad situation but is not making an effort to change his situation. You were there for your mom in a time when she needed you the most, that's an honorable thing to do.

There are many smart unemployed folks out there with this bad economy. Keep working on your web dev skillls. PHP is harder than hmtl/css/js but once you start understanding the basics, you will get it. I'm learning it as well right now. Use your situation to your advantage, add the skills you need to launch your fastlane ventures , while you're hungry.

 

[FastNAwesome]

I'm sorry for your loss and tough situation, but I believe your future looks bright - and you are the only one to make it happen.

You obviously have some great traits:

1) Looking after your family, and putting them first

2) After all the punches life is giving you, getting up and getting on html/css/php - way to go man!

Does that sound like a loser? Hell no man, that sounds like a winner, just keep it up.

I can understand your feeling - been through tough times. Just keep it up man and surround your self
with good and positive people if you can. And this forum is a start of that - lots of positive and business minded folks here, lots of successful people, you're in good company

Practical advice: just html/css won't get any food on your plate these days unless you are a graphic designer too.
If you add javascript to the mix, then you likely can be a front-end developer without artistic skills. That's cool job and in-demand, and javascript is really easy.

But same goes if you decide to go for php, ruby or other programming languages - yeah it's all tough at the beginning,
but as you get more familiar with it it gets easier. If you wanna learn it, but can't undestand a thing, simply start from start.

Make the "hello world" program and go from there.

html/css/javascript/jquery combination would probably make you marketable faster.

And then knowing javascript syntax, php will make way more sense to you. Anyway the above mentioned languages are
basis and usually goes without saying that web developers use them. So if someone is a php developer, he most definitely is expected to know html/css/javascript as well, all of these are used on most web pages today.

jquery is a javascript framework, it practically provides you with means of producing various effects and stuff for which you'd use javascript, but faster, more cross-browser and cross-platform consistent, and with less effort.

there are other frameworks, but this one is probably most used and most famous, and we're talking here about getting you marketable so that's it.

Tech babbling aside, best of luck man and welcome to the forum, never give up!

Btw.I'm breaking up with gf too, she moves to another city, I'm sad yeah, but whatcha gonna do...
We'll find new ones.

 

[FutureBlessings]

Hey Johnny. Everything will get better with time. Please dont give up. Your mother is looking over you now and I know she would be proud to see you still trying to better your life. NEVER feel guilty for choosing her over your career or anything else. She needed you and you were there for her. I know right know its hard to see that but everything will get better with time. I can relate to you. I've been in your shoes I lost my mother at 18 to liver cancer. Just like you I stopped everything to take care of my mother until the end. It was very hard to go through that and watch her suffer. I managed to do 1 semester of school and I dropped out. I couldnt deal with her not being here to motivate me anymore and, I was a complete mess almost to the point of depression but it got better over time. Your father needs you and you have so much more to give to this world. Please see that you will get through this tough time and PLEASE STAY STRONG. Im so sorry for you hurt and I pray you can pull through this.

Amber

 

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[CZ_Voyager]

Hey mate!

There's no such thing as a loser! Get it out of your head! I think your main focus should be now changing your mindset. I used to play a victim as well. Today I feel very confident and optimistic! A change is difficult but possible! Hit me up if you want more advice! Good luck!

Petr