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I'm going to go from bankruptcy/£240,000 personal debt to a life of freedom using Facebook ads.

A detailed account of a Fastlane process...

Paul David

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How do you know if they’re profitable?

They launched 3 years ago now so unless they're playing a really long game using VC money they must be making a profit if spending $80k a month on Facebook ads.
 

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After 5-6 years I decided I didn't want to be stuck in a shop fixing computers all day and came across people selling laptop chargers on eBay. I was hooked. So I started selling laptop chargers on eBay alongside running my shop.

I had a couple of websites I used to purchase new and used laptops from for my customers and loved the idea of running a similar site. So I purchased a domain called whichlaptop.co.uk and for the next 3 years alongside running the computer repair shop and selling power adapters on eBay, I tried to grow the laptop brand.

Anyway, I then came across a company in Scotland who had 5 computer repair shops (they were actually buying laptop adapters from me). So I drove 4 hours to Scotland to see what sort of set up they had. I drove back a couple of hours later and I had decided I wanted to have more repair shops.

I then came across a power adapter seller in US doing really well. And herein lies the £150,000 mistake.

Do you see a pattern?

For my new product, I have priced it at the higher end of the market and only have 1 competitor at the price point. They are doing extremely well.

What are you going to do better than they are?

Do you know their margins?

Do you know this market?
 

Paul David

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Do you see a pattern?



What are you going to do better than they are?

Do you know their margins?

Do you know this market?

Yes the pattern is clear.

My product is off different design and I’ve also added a matching accessory included in price.

I know the exact cost my competitor is paying for their products as I have spoken to their actual factory in China. They couldn’t provide me with the specifications I needed as they had exclusivity agreement with my competitor so I use a different factory.

I’ve been researching this market and products for the past year.
 
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Tourmaline

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Have you validated the different design with your market and that they care about the accessory?
 

Paul David

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Have you validated the different design with your market and that they care about the accessory?

It’s not possible to validate the design without actually launching the products.
I’ve had great feedback about the designs since launching however.

The design is more of a personal preference rather than product differentiator. For example what I think is a nice pair of shorts you may completely disagree with.

The accessory is more to add extra value and it actually didn’t cost me anymore by including it.
 

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Yes the pattern is clear.

My product is off different design and I’ve also added a matching accessory included in price.

I know the exact cost my competitor is paying for their products as I have spoken to their actual factory in China. They couldn’t provide me with the specifications I needed as they had exclusivity agreement with my competitor so I use a different factory.

I’ve been researching this market and products for the past year.

I'm not sure you're seeing the pattern mate.

You're selling the same thing, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

laptop_batteries-min.jpg

Let me start selling batteries because of XYZ reason.... fail.

Well, let me start another business selling batteries because of ABC reason.... fail.

Perhaps if I start another business selling batteries and I rebrand it .... fail.

Maybe if I start another battery accessory business and I import it from vietnam instead of China for BBC reason.... fail.

I don't think you're seeing the pattern. Get the hell out of that niche/industry. NOW.

The competition is fierce, those with resources have already consolidated the market through mergers and acquisitions. Then there are a few people that have managed to carve a nice little niche out of the market. But by and large, the marketer is already catered to. We don't need another battery reseller.

You've got no competitive advantage. Even with your branding... why would anyone buy from your little brand when they can buy from an established brand that has thousands of reviews and a lower price point?!

--------------------------------

Stop buying products and getting into costly new ventures. Learn facebook ads and sell other people's products/services using FB ads. Or just help people run their fb ads for a fee.
 
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Learn facebook ads and sell other people's products/services using FB ads. Or just help people run their fb ads for a fee.

I totally disagree with that advice. That is going backwards in my opinion. If you spend any time with people who run their own successful FB ad agency you know that they all want their own product. They have seen how much success they have created for their clients and want the same for themselves. In fact many are running other peoples products as well because they don't have their own.

Going down the route of affiliate marketing (other peoples products) is a retrograde step for anyone who has a viable product. Why share the profit and not have overall control when you don't have to?

Focusing on finding out what makes people want to buy YOUR product is extremely powerful and can be extremely rewarding both financially and intellectually, (you can gain a lot of insights from that knowledge that can propel your business forward at lightening speed).
 
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biophase

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They launched 3 years ago now so unless they're playing a really long game using VC money they must be making a profit if spending $80k a month on Facebook ads.

Facebook ads could be losing money and just a customer acquisition tool. Do they sell other things? Sell on other channels?

You just never know.
 

RazorCut

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Facebook ads could be losing money and just a customer acquisition tool. Do they sell other things? Sell on other channels?

You just never know.

Good point but I would guess @Paul has already made a purchase from them and gleaned all he could from their funnel process and followups. If not he's missing vital information and I think he's too smart for that despite previous indiscretions.

Paul, how are you estimating their monthly FB spend?
 
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Paul David

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I'm not sure you're seeing the pattern mate.

You're selling the same thing, over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

laptop_batteries-min.jpg

Let me start selling batteries because of XYZ reason.... fail.

Well, let me start another business selling batteries because of ABC reason.... fail.

Perhaps if I start another business selling batteries and I rebrand it .... fail.

Maybe if I start another battery accessory business and I import it from vietnam instead of China for BBC reason.... fail.

I don't think you're seeing the pattern. Get the hell out of that niche/industry. NOW.

The competition is fierce, those with resources have already consolidated the market through mergers and acquisitions. Then there are a few people that have managed to carve a nice little niche out of the market. But by and large, the marketer is already catered to. We don't need another battery reseller.

You've got no competitive advantage. Even with your branding... why would anyone buy from your little brand when they can buy from an established brand that has thousands of reviews and a lower price point?!

--------------------------------

Stop buying products and getting into costly new ventures. Learn facebook ads and sell other people's products/services using FB ads. Or just help people run their fb ads for a fee.

I’m not selling batteries anymore! And I only ever tried to sell them for a short period of my twenty year story so I think you may be getting your wires crossed somewhere.

I sold power adapters for the majority of my time alongside a computer repair shop but also tried other similar niches. I have now exited all and the niche I’m currently in is completely different to anything I’ve done before.
 
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Paul David

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Facebook ads could be losing money and just a customer acquisition tool. Do they sell other things? Sell on other channels?

You just never know.

They don’t sell other things and promote the fact that their products are only available via their website.

They do google ads also and influencer marketing.
 

Paul David

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Good point but I would guess @Paul has already made a purchase from them and gleaned all he could from their funnel process and followups. If not he's missing vital information and I think he's too smart for that despite previous indiscretions.

Paul, how are you estimating their monthly FB spend?

Yes I made a purchase from them last year. I know all about their email sequence and follow ups.

Regarding the ad spend. I met someone on a Facebook ads group who actually works for Facebook. He offered to take a look at my account whilst in work.

A few days later when we’re discussing it and my competitor he made an off the cuff remark saying “you need to be spending more than $80k a month to catch up to those guys”. He wouldn’t elaborate any further.
 
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100k

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I’m not selling batteries anymore! And I only ever tried to sell them for a short period of my twenty year story so I think you may be getting your wires crossed somewhere.

I sold power adapters for the majority of my time alongside a computer repair shop but also tried other similar niches. I have now exited all and the niche I’m currently in is completely different to anything I’ve done before.

Sorry I meant power adapters or whatever it is that you're selling (to me it seemed like you were always selling the same thing).

My mistake. Seems like you've got some plans that you want to see through to the end. So let me just wish you the best of luck. Was just trying to help.

Have a good day.
 

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I totally disagree with that advice. That is going backwards in my opinion. If you spend any time with people who run their own successful FB ad agency you know that they all want their own product. They have seen how much success they have created for their clients and want the same for themselves. In fact many are running other peoples products as well because they don't have their own.

Going down the route of affiliate marketing (other peoples products) is a retrograde step for anyone who has a viable product. Why share the profit and not have overall control when you don't have to?

Focusing on finding out what makes people want to buy YOUR product is extremely powerful and can be extremely rewarding both financially and intellectually, (you can gain a lot of insights from that knowledge that can propel your business forward at lightening speed).

Yes, but creating a product that people really love can be very costly - where as learning facebook ads / generating sales/leads won't cost nearly as much. And once you've learned that skill and saved up some money - then you can invest some of it into creating your own product that people really love.

But, there's more than 1 way to skin a cat I guess, so whatever. Its all good.
 

Paul David

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Sorry I meant power adapters or whatever it is that you're selling (to me it seemed like you were always selling the same thing).

My mistake. Seems like you've got some plans that you want to see through to the end. So let me just wish you the best of luck. Was just trying to help.

Have a good day.

Thank you. I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to offer me advice. Means a lot!
 
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Paul David

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So the last couple of days the anxiety I had about my current debt situation has now been replaced with anxiety over running out of money in the next couple of months, as my e-commerce brand is still not profitable.

I'm 39 with a mortgage, two young children and Christmas on the way. Although my wife earns relatively good money I need to be earning money. I also need to keep my e-commerce going for however long it takes to become self-sufficient.

Therefore I've decided to re-list my power adapter database on eBay and Amazon but sell the adapters for a higher price than I did before. Any orders I will then drop-ship from one of my old competitors. If I can get 15-20 sales a day at even £2 profit it's around £1000 a month which is currently all I'm drawing from my company now anyway. Plus it will take around 1 hour a day maximum to run. Worst case scenario they don't sell because of the price, I have the option to drop the price and purchase some adapters from my old supplier and pack them from my garage. (Not ideal because it violates my rule of being able to work from anywhere anytime but I'm willing to do this short term)

I have also joined some facebook groups who specifically help with getting clients for running facebook ads for them. The aim is in the next 2 months is to get 1-3 clients paying a minimum £1000 a month retainer. The benefits of this are two-fold, one I will be able to bring in extra money and two I will be spending more time increasing my knowledge of Facebook ads.

Part of me thinks I am going back to my old ways of trying to spin too many plates at once but this time the difference is that the eBay and Amazon store is a means to an end. Simply to just keet some money coming in. Running Facebook ads for other people will increase my knowledge, have the added benefit of bringing in money and also help me reach my main overall goal of a successful e-commerce store.

The thought of helping entrepreneurs grow their businesses using Facebook ads excites and scares me at the same time. The scary part is whether I can actually produce the results. I have lots of help with this though on the Facebook groups.

On a positive note, my website got 4 orders yesterday with 5 products sold in total. That's the highest number of orders I've got so far. Onwards and upwards.
 

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On a positive note, my website got 4 orders yesterday with 5 products sold in total. That's the highest number of orders I've got so far. Onwards and upwards.

That is promising. Now what was the reason? Where did these customers come from? Better FB targeting? Are they responding after taking a week or two to make up their mind? Are your Ads more on point? Is this a move towards profitability or just a blip?

Lots of questions to consider.
 

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That is promising. Now what was the reason? Where did these customers come from? Better FB targeting? Are they responding after taking a week or two to make up their mind? Are your Ads more on point? Is this a move towards profitability or just a blip?

Lots of questions to consider.

They've come from Facebook ads yes. The targeting is getting better now and I've managed to get some more audiences with higher purchase intent. Re-targeting and Lookalike audiences. I've spoken to a few people who are very experienced with Facebook ads and they told me that 2-3 years it was easier to become profitable from the gate but now it can take 2-3 months. My target is 5 product sales a day at £20 CPA minimum. This will bring in around £2500 a month.

One guy who has a sunglasses website told me that when he started his company in 2015 he knew a bit about Facebook ads but has become proficient by basically just running ads for his brand. He runs lots of A/B testing. His website now does about £6m sales a year and he gets paid to talk about Facebook ads. After his last seminar, he was approached by 7 companies to run their ads for them.
 
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It’s not possible to validate the design without actually launching the products.
I’ve had great feedback about the designs since launching however.

Actually, you can. You can run ads and gauge interest. If you don't sell many, you can refund what people purchased, and you've learned a lot without investing in inventory.

What is your lead time if people do like it?

And as long as you set expectations (i.e. send email that sold out and will be shipping out more units after XX date), you'll be fine.

Keep your head up. I've been trying since '99 with fits and spurts, some successes, and a lot of distractions causing failures. I finally figured out what I'm good at and am working on getting more clients for that so I can replace current clients who no longer are aligned with my business focus.
 

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I've always thought that I could get through anything and that I was strong-willed and confident.

However I've really struggled mentally with the situation and level of debt I have. I've felt like a complete failure. I've let my Wife down, my children, my parents and also myself. I've had massive sleep issues and ended up on sleeping tablets. I see other Fathers at the school when I collect my children and think to myself I wish I was them. In fact, I was I just wasn't me.

I'm also not ashamed to admit I've contemplated suicide on numerous occasions. I think the fact that I didn't was because I couldn't do it to my children. It's a selfish thing to do. Not so long ago I even googled whether it was possible to kill yourself but then have the Doctor tell your family it was a heart attack or something. Madness.

I have a loving Wife and Children and just by them being them I'm beginning to get through this. It's not nice having companies chasing you for debts every week. I get a horrible feeling inside when I hear the post coming through the letterbox, is this another debt letter. I could file for bankruptcy but I need to ensure we don't lose our house. It's jointly owned and there's not a great deal of equity compared to my debts and luckily my wife has a good job.

I may still have to file for bankruptcy but I'm going to give it everything I've got to get out of this. The thought that after all the work I've done over the years to end up bankrupt upsets me. Especially for someone with my traits, I'm the one who was always saying I'm going to earn this or do that but to put things bluntly without my wife or help from my parents I'd be homeless and living on the streets now.

I have recognized however though that negative thoughts aren't going to get me anywhere. I've been reading self-help books to reinforce some positivity into my mindset and I've certainly gone past my F*ck You moment. No more negativity and punishing myself for the mistakes I've made in the past.

I can't change anything that I've done, there are some expensive lessons there but I can control where I end up the future and that's where I begin.

If anyone feels like they can offer any help or advice feel free. I'll try and update whenever something meaningful happens but for now, if anyone wants me I'll be mastering facebook ads and growing my brand and I hope that this helps people to NOT make the same mistakes as me.

"If you try chasing two rabbits you won't catch any." This is what I would tell my 20 year old self.

Other than having a family... your situation sounds eerily familiar! While you've received some fantastic advice on the business front... I'd like to talk about your psyche. Some powerful & deep stuff you've told us there, so congratulations on that. Since you're a Go Getter, I doubt Depression could be it.

However I recently read a book from Dr Gabor Maté who works in the downtown core of Vancouver in Canada, and he clearly explains in his Book In the real of hungry ghosts that un-diagnosed and untreated ADHD can wreak havoc due to the brain founding numerous ways to heal itself. If your debt was generated solely due to your business, that might not be you. But if you have an habit that you can hardly control... and made this debt ballooned up... then that ADHD right there! (mine is food) He also wrote another book called scattered mind more guared towards ADHD that I didn't read yet.

But if beside it there's something that you literally can't control by however means you tried... then ADHD might be it! My way of coping was with massive amount of food. But due to being a bodybuilding expert, I was able to never get obese even tough I was eating a lot. My intellect simply delayed the inevitable... and you seem wayyyy smarter than me... so it might apply to you as well. Please keep in mind that I'm not a doctor, so this might not apply to you. In my case, thanks to my bodybuilding route, I went the supplement way instead of the pharmaceutical way to solve my issues. PM me if ADHD applies to you, and you'd like to try what supplement I'm taking!

But if you do have undiagnosed ADHD... you can't fight this without mediation (supplement in my case) Got nothing to do with you... but your brain is finding whichever ways it can get at it's disposal to heal itself. A battle against the Brain is a battle that cannot be won without reinforment. It sucks... but hey there could be worst!

Whatever you do... make sure to get checked out!
 

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Other than having a family... your situation sounds eerily familiar! While you've received some fantastic advice on the business front... I'd like to talk about your psyche. Some powerful & deep stuff you've told us there, so congratulations on that. Since you're a Go Getter, I doubt Depression could be it.

However I recently read a book from Dr Gabor Maté who works in the downtown core of Vancouver in Canada, and he clearly explains in his Book In the real of hungry ghosts that un-diagnosed and untreated ADHD can wreak havoc due to the brain founding numerous ways to heal itself. If your debt was generated solely due to your business, that might not be you. But if you have an habit that you can hardly control... and made this debt ballooned up... then that ADHD right there! (mine is food) He also wrote another book called scattered mind more guared towards ADHD that I didn't read yet.

But if beside it there's something that you literally can't control by however means you tried... then ADHD might be it! My way of coping was with massive amount of food. But due to being a bodybuilding expert, I was able to never get obese even tough I was eating a lot. My intellect simply delayed the inevitable... and you seem wayyyy smarter than me... so it might apply to you as well. Please keep in mind that I'm not a doctor, so this might not apply to you. In my case, thanks to my bodybuilding route, I went the supplement way instead of the pharmaceutical way to solve my issues. PM me if ADHD applies to you, and you'd like to try what supplement I'm taking!

But if you do have undiagnosed ADHD... you can't fight this without mediation (supplement in my case) Got nothing to do with you... but your brain is finding whichever ways it can get at it's disposal to heal itself. A battle against the Brain is a battle that cannot be won without reinforment. It sucks... but hey there could be worst!

Whatever you do... make sure to get checked out!

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Yes my debts are due to personal guarantees I signed for business loans and overdraft. For lots of years I made money but the last 4-5 have been a struggle and where the debt has risen.
 
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Paul David

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I see a couple of patterns that you are probably already aware of. Just my two cents so take it for what it's worth.

1. You're jumping into businesses based on what you see others doing. Essentially copying them. They appear profitable on the outside, but I would venture to say that they are in the same boat as you. I would even go as far as betting that by the time you jump into the market, it is already saturated. I think Facebook marketing will be much the same VERY soon. I can't even watch a YouTube video without seeing an annoying ad with fake gurus telling you how you can make 10,000 per day working 15 minutes per week selling Facebook ads. Everyone and their brother is jumping into this market which will, in my opinion, cause a race to the bottom.

2. It appears you are selling commodity items. My dad had a very large company growing up that marketed produce. He had 400+ employees, 3 packing sheds, a ton of B2B customers in multiple countries, and huge operating costs. There were some months where he would spends $250,000 just in phone bills from his 25+ sales guys (the days of long-distance phone bills charged by the minute). Some years it was very profitable, some years it wasn't. The problem was, and is, produce is a commodity. There isn't much that separates one tomato from another. They are 100% market-driven. When supply is down, prices go up, you make money. Vice versa, when supply is up, prices are down, you lose money. One brand that has somewhat overcome this obstacle here in the stated is Wonderful Brands. They have clever marketing and patented varieties that make them stand out amongst a sea of fruits and veggies in the produce section. They've figured out how to effectively brand and make a commodity feel more exclusive and valuable. Whatever you endeavor to do, be different, be bold.

I would encourage you to read Blue Ocean Strategy (or the synopsis because it is pretty lengthy and I'm not a particularly fast reader).

Thanks for your reply.

On your first point I wholeheartedly agree. Guilty as charged. I have jumped into businesses before that I've seen others doing and I like the thought of. Some have aligned with my main goal but others haven't.

Regarding Facebook Ads they aren't going away anytime soon, you're right however that there's a lot gurus trying to "coach" people into doing facebook ads. With most things a lot of people who are interested never make it and they're off chasing the next shiny new thing.

I'm doing facebook ads primarily to grow my e-commerce brand which isn't a commodity product like the power adapters I used to sell are. To supplement my income I will be looking to help others struggling with running facebook ads. I have knowledge of Google ads but not enough so that's something I may look into down the line.

I don't envisage myself becoming a "Digital Marketer" full time, more learning as much knowledge as possible to grow this brand and others in the future. Building eCommerce brands that last is main objective.
 

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One of the biggest challenges i'm struggling with at the moment is my mindset.

Working from home all day whilst everyone is out of the house gives me a lot of time to think. Too much time in fact.

At the moment my whole daily routine is filled with anxious, negative thoughts mixed in with periods of positivity. I can literally have a good half hour and a bad half hour.

I wake up in the morning, check my email for any orders from my eCommerce site. If there isn't any (which there hasn't been for 3 days now) I'm on an instant downer. Thoughts of this isn't going to work, why is it working for others but not me etc.

I look out the window and it's raining heavily. Another downer. I then internally scald myself that I have failed in earning enough money to be able to move abroad where it's warm and sunny most of the time.

I have someone doing my facebook ads at the moment as it nears the end of his retainer. I haven't looked at any stats for a while now. Why? because i don't want to see how much i've lost on ads so far without being profitable.

I'll have to log into my bank today to transfer some salary (which is nowhere near enough) to my Wife's account, i'll be on another downer when i see how much is left in my account. Sometimes i cover up the amount (i know there's enough in there for now) but just don't want to see the bad news.

I get butterflies inside when i hear the letters come through the letterbox. If it's got my name on it then it's someone chasing me for money.

I know this type of negative mindset isn't doing myself any favours at all.

I've been listening to mindset videos from the likes of Bob Proctor to try and get over this. However in one of his videos he said that anxiety is caused by fear and the polar opposite of fear is faith. Both require belief in something that hasn't happened yet. However i believe that's only partly true. I've got anxiety because i'm staring at a financial abyss. The true fact is if my website doesn't get traction soon, or i get facebook clients or try and get a job i'm going to lose my business and go bankrupt.

It's a certainty if these things don't happen. Whereas on the otherhand i can be faithful of my new website taking off it's nowhere near as certain compared to bankruptcy and not being able to support the business going forward. So it's ok Bob Proctor saying this type of thing but in reality it's not correct. At the moment i'd say there's a 90% chance i'm going to lose everything and 10% chance that i'm not. Looking at the situation i'm in.

Is it any wonder i'm anxious? And instantly trying to think positive doesn't fix that.

On a positive note i'm still alive, got two kids and a loving wife. And today i'm going to set up funnels for facebook ads to get some clients. I only need one or two to keep the wolf away from the door. I'm also going to push past my fear of seeing the bad ad results on my campaigns so far and start implementing what i've learned.
 

1step

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You don’t have the cash/time to do two things! Why are you trying to help people run ads and run an e-commerce company?!

Stop with the e-commerce company and just find clients to run ads for. It will be much cheaper for you to go that route. With e-commerce you have to worry about product costs, shipping etc. and there are many more costs you have to factor in that could lead you to lose money that you cannot afford. Just stop it with e-commerce for now and get out of debt!

Also if you’re a Facebook ads expert (I’m assuming since you feel you can charge others) why is someone else running your Facebook ads?

I have my company yes. Not making any profit at the moment however.
Why are you continuing to spend your time on this? You’re $250,000 due to running poor e-commerce companies and now still a company you haven’t profited off of... just stop with e-commerce for a bit, get some clients and get some money coming in
 

Paul David

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You don’t have the cash/time to do two things! Why are you trying to help people run ads ad run an e-commerce company?!

Stop with the e-commerce company and just find clients to run ads for. It will be much cheaper for you to go that route. With e-commerce you have to worry about product costs, shipping etc. and there are many more costs you have to factor in that could lead you to lose money that you cannot afford. Just stop it with e-commerce for now and get out of debt!

Also if you’re a Facebook ads expert (I’m assuming since you feel you can charge others) why is someone else running your Facebook ads?


Why are you continuing to spend your time on this? You’re $250,000 due to running poor e-commerce companies and now still a company you haven’t profited off of... just stop with e-commerce for a bit, get some clients and get some money coming in

My e-commerce store has only been live for 9 weeks. This is the direction I want go down and has massive potential. Also it doesn't take all day to run facebook ads for it and some instagram/social media posts.

Someone was running my ads because it wanted a fresh pair of eyes on my ads account as it was the first time i'd run one. Since then i've been studying facebook ads day and night and the logital step is bring in clients to generate income.

I can't just stop running the eCommerce company as i have thousands of dollars worth of stock sitting in a warehouse in California that I need to sell.
 
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I totally disagree with that advice. That is going backwards in my opinion. If you spend any time with people who run their own successful FB ad agency you know that they all want their own product. They have seen how much success they have created for their clients and want the same for themselves. In fact many are running other peoples products as well because they don't have their own.
Those people aren’t 250k in debt. It may be going backwards but his current situation is running him more and more into the negative so perhaps backwards isn’t so bad in this case
 

Captain Acidhead

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Is it any wonder i'm anxious? And instantly trying to think positive doesn't fix that.

That's right.

Advice from people telling you 'how to think' is well-intentioned, but it doesn't work.

Why? Because negative or positive thoughts are a very late consequence of subconscious processes (feelings and beliefs).
By the time you're aware of your negative thought, it is too late in a sense. Trying to replace it by something else doesn't work, because there is no root in your subconscious to support that foreign thought.

Think of your subconscious beliefs as the seeds, with roots buried deep, and the thoughts you're noticing as leafs above ground. Cutting them off and replacing them with the leafs of a more 'positive' plant won't work, will it ;)

My recommendation is to do a process that helps to follow the 'negative' leafs all the way down to the seeds, and challenge those.

Still with me? I recommend you try a process that was described by Byron Katie, she calls it "The Work." She wrote a book about it too. But you can also just download her one-page worksheet, watch an instruction video, and spend some time with it every day.
 

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