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I Think I'm on the Autism Spectrum, and I Don't Want to Admit It.

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ApparentHorizon

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Apr 1, 2016
942
2,809
Greenville, SC
Nearly 2 years ago, my doctor friends asked me if I had high functioning autism. Which I laughed off as probably, with deprecating humor.

I knew I was always "different." I hate authority with a passion! But I will respect them, because I'm an authority in my own right, by being an employer.

I was always friendly with my peers, and I literally didn't have anyone who I didn't get along with. The preppy/rich kids respected me. They asked me to smoke with them and take rides in their Ferrari's. The poor kids had fun talking to me, and invited me to their metal/grunge concerts. The gang members gave me dap in confrontational situations. Yes we had those early in school.

At the same time, I couldn't make strong lasting relationships. Throughout school I won multiple positive character trait awards and I graduated 1 year early. Terrific kid. Most friendly. Etc. But the most I held on to a circle was 2 years. I couldn't understand why.

There are only 2 types of people I don't connect with:
  • Those who mistake my kindness with weakness. Which I strongly retaliate against, even though I understand from a logical perspective that letting it go leads to the most positive outcome.
  • Argument from authority types. Do this because I said so. Which I'm sure resonates with everyone here.
EVERYONE to a certain degree is on the "spectrum." It's not black and white. Which I think is a dangerous position to take in our modern society, where mental issues are glorified.

There are people who pretend to have PTSD because they were bullied in school. Equating it to our veterans who watched kids die in their arms. Watched their teammates knees shatter moving across the arid sand. Is the bullying psychology an issue? Yes. Do you gain anything be comparing yourself to anyone but your past self? I don't think so. Modern mental issues are more about social media brownie points. They're taking away from actual victims, in an egotistical manner. That's all I'll say on the subject without getting political and heated.

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking more about it...

I had an autism video pop up on my feed and over the past 2 months, and I've gone down the rabbit hole. There are 2 possibilities, which can be attributed to my situation, but I wanted to explore autism for the time being.

The thing is, I don't want to use it as a crutch.
  • I have a successful dating life. Though I can't maintain the relationships long term, and I'm growing concerned about reaching age 60-80 alone.
  • I have a successful business based on a 12+ year long career, and I'm building 2 more at the same time.
  • I'm investing in tertiary revenue sources, which would impress Warren Buffett. I recently built a financial model, based on his teachings, that showed he was wrong on his DAL positions, and it netted me 30% in my portfolio.
  • Lastly, I'm putting together a non-profit focusing on the positive outcomes of life. Even if you've been hit in the face by a brick, I can show you how it can get better, because I've been there. (I can expand if needed.)
I'm afraid that if I say, I'm on the spectrum, I'll use it as an excuse for my behavior.

Regardless of where you are in life, what illness you have, there IS something you can do to better your position. The best action you can take at the moment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've been going through this my entire life, and I'm sure most of you have as well...

During my early high school years, I decided that, anything I was afraid of, I had to do. Scared of asking the girl out? ASK HER ON THE SPOT. Scared of failing that test? ASK THE TEACHER AND STUDY THE F**K OUT OF THE MATERIAL.

THIS IS WHAT MAKES US GREAT. COURAGE IS NOT TAKING AN ACTION. IT'S TAKING AN ACTION KNOWING THERE ARE DIRE CONSEQUENCES AT THE OTHER END, SHOULD WE FAIL.

I was on top of the world. Now I've hit a ceiling...

I'm already taking action. Moving to a different location and resetting my environment, in the next 2 months. The lease is signed!

While I do that however, I want to ask you if you've experienced anything similar.

There are a couple of tests you can take, though these are more for fun. Essentially, you'll get a score out of 50.

30-35 it's possible you're on the spectrum.
35+ you're definitely on the spectrum.

These are not substitutes for the actual test, and you should consult a professional. Though, be weary, they've all gone through the same system.

I've scored 30-40 on 11 different tests. You can Google around to find them. Here is a good one:

 
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Last edited:

Jon L

Platinum Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
Aug 22, 2015
1,643
4,376
Bellevue, WA
Take the test. A real test, and get evaluated. Its just information. If you are on the spectrum, you now have more information about yourself than you did before.

I struggle with depression. It will probably be a life long struggle. I've had it since I was a small child. Does knowing that give me an excuse? Sure, but only if I want to use it that way. It also gives me tools I can use to improve my life. I also know that there are some things that I shouldn't take on or I risk relapsing. That's not a cop-out, that's a smart way to live. At the same time, there are whole ways of thinking that are now opened up to me. For example, I can much more easily recognize thoughts that, if I allow them to continue, will carry me down the rabbit hole of depression. I can now successfully avoid those, most of the time.

There was a time when I thought I had ADHD. I took the tests, had a psychologist tell me I likely had it. BUT, after doing the real test (4 hours worth of stuff, with a PhD pscyhologist), I found out that I didn't have it. That focused me back on depression as the root of my problem, and was the beginning of a whole new level us understanding of myself, and ability to perform at a higher level.

All this to say that an accurate diagnosis can be really helpful.

With Autism spectrum, you can learn strategies to improve relationships, for example...
 

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