How to find a partner for life and not be polygamous?

[Niko32]

I wanted to write personally to MJ DeMarco, but the personal account is closed. I understand he will answer messages forever. I would like to hear an opinion about the relationship. How to find a partner for life? So that you don't deviate from the course and arrive where you need to. Because an error of 1 degree will lead to another place. Maybe there are some thoughts, experience, advice?

 

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[msufan]

I wanted to write personally to MJ DeMarco, but the personal account is closed. I understand he will answer messages forever. I would like to hear an opinion about the relationship. How to find a partner for life? So that you don't deviate from the course and arrive where you need to. Because an error of 1 degree will lead to another place. Maybe there are some thoughts, experience, advice?

Like most things, this requires more hard work and consistency than you think.

 

[Mat79]

I'm not in a long-term relationship myself, but this is the best advice I think I've come across:

First, try to make yourself worthy of being a partner to the type of person you want to be with. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but just that you have to be willing and actually put effort into developing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Whatever characteristics you seek in others, you should cultivate them in yourself. Meditate and establish the values you want to live by so that they are crystal clear in your mind. Even write them out. Think about the future you want, kids or not, where you want to live and everything that's important to you.

Second, you can't catch fish in the desert. You actually have to go places and do things where other people are. You can try online dating, that might work, but it would be better to do things where you can see and interact with a variety of people in different circumstances, and also doing things you actually care about at the same time. If you tend to be a homebody, you'll just have to work on developing a more outgoing personality for a while.

I think MJ suggested three things when seeking out a life partner:
1) Spend an hour asking them all the questions about things that are important, that usually tear relationships apart - fidelity, politics, religion, kids, finances, etc.
2) Spend two days with them in difficult situations - see how they act.
3) Date at least 3 years. If you're going to be in a long-term relationship, it should be no rush.

 

[Niko32]

I'm not in a long-term relationship myself, but this is the best advice I think I've come across:

First, try to make yourself worthy of being a partner to the type of person you want to be with. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but just that you have to be willing and actually put effort into developing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Whatever characteristics you seek in others, you should cultivate them in yourself. Meditate and establish the values you want to live by so that they are crystal clear in your mind. Even write them out. Think about the future you want, kids or not, where you want to live and everything that's important to you.

Second, you can't catch fish in the desert. You actually have to go places and do things where other people are. You can try online dating, that might work, but it would be better to do things where you can see and interact with a variety of people in different circumstances, and also doing things you actually care about at the same time. If you tend to be a homebody, you'll just have to work on developing a more outgoing personality for a while.

I think MJ suggested three things when seeking out a life partner:
1) Spend an hour asking them all the questions about things that are important, that usually tear relationships apart - fidelity, politics, religion, kids, finances, etc.
2) Spend two days with them in difficult situations - see how they act.
3) Date at least 3 years. If you're going to be in a long-term relationship, it should be no rush.

I'm not in a long-term relationship myself, but this is the best advice I think I've come across:

First, try to make yourself worthy of being a partner to the type of person you want to be with. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but just that you have to be willing and actually put effort into developing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Whatever characteristics you seek in others, you should cultivate them in yourself. Meditate and establish the values you want to live by so that they are crystal clear in your mind. Even write them out. Think about the future you want, kids or not, where you want to live and everything that's important to you.

Second, you can't catch fish in the desert. You actually have to go places and do things where other people are. You can try online dating, that might work, but it would be better to do things where you can see and interact with a variety of people in different circumstances, and also doing things you actually care about at the same time. If you tend to be a homebody, you'll just have to work on developing a more outgoing personality for a while.

I think MJ suggested three things when seeking out a life partner:
1) Spend an hour asking them all the questions about things that are important, that usually tear relationships apart - fidelity, politics, religion, kids, finances, etc.
2) Spend two days with them in difficult situations - see how they act.
3) Date at least 3 years. If you're going to be in a long-term relationship, it should be no rush.

thanks for the detailed advice!)

 

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[Lyinx]

I'm not in a long-term relationship myself, but this is the best advice I think I've come across:

First, try to make yourself worthy of being a partner to the type of person you want to be with. That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but just that you have to be willing and actually put effort into developing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Whatever characteristics you seek in others, you should cultivate them in yourself. Meditate and establish the values you want to live by so that they are crystal clear in your mind. Even write them out. Think about the future you want, kids or not, where you want to live and everything that's important to you.

Second, you can't catch fish in the desert. You actually have to go places and do things where other people are. You can try online dating, that might work, but it would be better to do things where you can see and interact with a variety of people in different circumstances, and also doing things you actually care about at the same time. If you tend to be a homebody, you'll just have to work on developing a more outgoing personality for a while.

I think MJ suggested three things when seeking out a life partner:
1) Spend an hour asking them all the questions about things that are important, that usually tear relationships apart - fidelity, politics, religion, kids, finances, etc.
2) Spend two days with them in difficult situations - see how they act.
3) Date at least 3 years. If you're going to be in a long-term relationship, it should be no rush.

I'm married for life, and only a few years in.. this list by mat79 is a very good list, but just realize that no plans survives contact with the enemy (pardon the expression).

We knew each other for years, but only dated for a year before getting married. 11 weeks of dating before we knew this was it.
1. Delay sex. I know, every young person wants to get their rocks off. Save yourselves for each other. No wild flings.
2. Go where you expect people like your potential partner might be at.
Want a pornstar girlfriend? Where might they hang out at? Maybe you should become a male pornstar to meet them?
Want a partner who is good with children? They might be a pediatrician or they might be a daycare provider (don't go snooping at daycares, that would put you on a list)
For a partner who is good with children, you could volunteer at a local children's event, say a 5k? Or youth soccer but that will get you older partners.
Religion a big thing? Church functions and volunteer events.

Final tip,and this is a big thing, when your together (sexual or otherwise) try to please her 100% without expecting anything in return.
This sets the bar low (anything received back will be higher than the bar) and your relationship will be off to a good start. Marriage does not change that, you are there exclusively to please the other person. Period. Business comes second (or third if you ever have kids).

Business time is business time. Set aside time to focus exclusively on the business, and time for family time. These two shall never mix. NEVER, unless there is a serious emergency (accident with partner, fire at the business, etc)

 

[Niptuck MD]

in my opinion there is nothing wrong with polygamy because of how things have changed drastically within the last 20 years. But to each is own.

What I can say from personal experience(s) with LTRs is (in addition to the above posters), communication is vital, but also space and sharing the same frequency or wavelength (not necessarily mindset) is required. I say that because business owners a wired a bit differently (at least those that strive to be the best) and it seems now that everyone is a business owner it takes levels or stages (think peeling and onion) to get to the core of each other (to really have that symbiotic relationship) that requires time, patience and effort (which most people especially nowadays lack) and most importantly discipline.

There is a different level of programming that has happened post 1965 and dynamics have changed. Tables have turned (whether you agree with it or not) and what I feel has occurred is that we have to do better due diligence when seeking (sourcing) potential mates for a long term relationship (commitment). In essence, my point being is that we have changed ideologies from things take time, to i want this NOW NOW NOW! Relationships dont work like fast food etc...

A lot could be learned from our previous generations, but the issue is there is also a lot of pain and suffering that was mostly closeted and compartmentalized internally by people due to the taboo nature of putting your drama out there to the public. (a sort of public shame or guilt) and nowadays we thrive on drama and such when we hear about it... Relationships are mostly a facade because we cant really understand how dynamic or synergistic they are.... Yes some sacrifices have to be made (and have been made) but at what cost?

Religious beliefs in micro doses are fine (in this day and age) but after a certain point you have to think about is this really worth it for x y z (in regards to you).

On a last note, if you go into a relationship thinking that you give x amount of time effort money and dont receive that same reciprocity from your potential mate or sig. other, than you have already lost the emotional and mind game.... We say that relationships are not business transactions but I digress.... Time money resources and more importantly emotional investment (can you put a price on your emotions) are at stake... Very complicated stuff...

 

[Lyinx]

I'm married for life, and only a few years in.. this list by mat79 is a very good list, but just realize that no plans survives contact with the enemy (pardon the expression).

We knew each other for years, but only dated for a year before getting married. 11 weeks of dating before we knew this was it.
1. Delay sex. I know, every young person wants to get their rocks off. Save yourselves for each other. No wild flings.
2. Go where you expect people like your potential partner might be at.
Want a pornstar girlfriend? Where might they hang out at? Maybe you should become a male pornstar to meet them?
Want a partner who is good with children? They might be a pediatrician or they might be a daycare provider (don't go snooping at daycares, that would put you on a list)
For a partner who is good with children, you could volunteer at a local children's event, say a 5k? Or youth soccer but that will get you older partners.
Religion a big thing? Church functions and volunteer events.

Final tip,and this is a big thing, when your together (sexual or otherwise) try to please her 100% without expecting anything in return.
This sets the bar low (anything received back will be higher than the bar) and your relationship will be off to a good start. Marriage does not change that, you are there exclusively to please the other person. Period. Business comes second (or third if you ever have kids).

Business time is business time. Set aside time to focus exclusively on the business, and time for family time. These two shall never mix. NEVER, unless there is a serious emergency (accident with partner, fire at the business, etc)

You will likely never find a Christian lady who is looking for a lifetime partner at a strip club (possible, but highly unlikely)

Choose your habits accordingly (where you frequent, what you do, etc) which will involve losing touch with some of your old friends. Just tell them your making some changes to your lifestyle.

Lifetime partner who doesn't know how to have fun... Doesn't sound like fun, does it? Make sure your partner enjoys spending time with you (and vise versa) not just for the food or the constant new experiences. Go to a charity event for a day and volunteer together.

As our pastors often say at a wedding," you have seen each other in your Sunday best till now, now you'll see them in work clothes". As such, do a work style event together (probably charity) bonus points if it's a week or more in length.

 

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[Johnny boy]

You get what you deserve, so go out and become a 10/10 man and you'll have 10/10 women.

Look good
Have a great life
Do cool shit
Be a great communicator and be a brave leader instead of a cowardly follower
Have high expectations for yourself and others

When looking for a girl
younger=better
traditional=better
religious=better
shy=better
submissive=better

The further you stray from this the more you can expect problems.


Everything else can be found here

The Rational Male: Tomassi, Rollo: 8601420531178: Amazon.com: Books

The Rational Male [Tomassi, Rollo] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Rational Male

www.amazon.com

You can complain about this all you want, but your punishment for being wrong is you have to live with a nagging toxic woman who sleeps with anyone and my reward for being right is I get an awesome life. Getting called names on the internet is hardly a trade-off.

 

[Kevin88660]

I wanted to write personally to MJ DeMarco, but the personal account is closed. I understand he will answer messages forever. I would like to hear an opinion about the relationship. How to find a partner for life? So that you don't deviate from the course and arrive where you need to. Because an error of 1 degree will lead to another place. Maybe there are some thoughts, experience, advice?

Know what you want, be useful to other people, grow your own resources, learn to manage expectations of others.

Fortunately or unfortunately you as man will always be compared to certain “benchmark” in her brain, her sister’s husband or her best friend’s boyfriend…whoever that is.

Whether you beat the benchmark will affect her level of happiness and hence her attitude towards you, which will affect your happiness.

This seems to be the white elephant that no relationship consultant I know of talks about.

I find that interesting because male psychology does not do that kind of comparison as much.

Which leads male to blame female partners for “unrealistic expectations”.

Before you invest too much figure out what the benchmark is.

 

[Zlatin Manahov]

Can’t really comment on finding a lifetime partner as I haven’t done so myself yet.

I can however strongly recommend you take a look at the book “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida. It will teach you how the two opposite energies in us: masculine and feminine, how they interact together, how a masculine man can lead a great life and also once you get in a LTR how to KEEP your partner. It basically is a manual on how to live like a traditional masculine male (or female) which is exactly how you attract a high quality traditional partner.

Good luck on your search!

 

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[Prince33]

You get what you deserve, so go out and become a 10/10 man and you'll have 10/10 women.

Look good
Have a great life
Do cool shit
Be a great communicator and be a brave leader instead of a cowardly follower
Have high expectations for yourself and others

When looking for a girl
younger=better
traditional=better
religious=better
shy=better
submissive=better

The further you stray from this the more you can expect problems.


Everything else can be found here

The Rational Male: Tomassi, Rollo: 8601420531178: Amazon.com: Books

The Rational Male [Tomassi, Rollo] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Rational Male

www.amazon.com

You can complain about this all you want, but your punishment for being wrong is you have to live with a nagging toxic woman who sleeps with anyone and my reward for being right is I get an awesome life. Getting called names on the internet is hardly a trade-off.

Ah, a fellow Tommassi fan I see. Indeed this is true. Although nowadays it seems most our generation thinks this is the truth:

We may as well GIVE UP Johnny. We dont have a the perfect jawline so we'll only get "sub 5" women and its just our turn anyways. We'll never score!

 

[Kevin88660]

Ah, a fellow Tommassi fan I see. Indeed this is true. Although nowadays it seems most our generation thinks this is the truth:

We may as well GIVE UP Johnny. We dont have a the perfect jawline so we'll only get "sub 5" women and its just our turn anyways. We'll never score!

To add some international perspective outside anglo-sphere.

What The 'Ideal' Man's Body Looks Like In 19 Countries

This is what "attractive" looks like on six different continents.

www.huffpost.com

 

[Vinz]

Ah, a fellow Tommassi fan I see. Indeed this is true. Although nowadays it seems most our generation thinks this is the truth:

We may as well GIVE UP Johnny. We dont have a the perfect jawline so we'll only get "sub 5" women and its just our turn anyways. We'll never score!

This ideology is just a way to escape doing the hard work. Men can change even their face more than they think.

This is on my watchlist right now. (kris from 1stman is basically the opposite of blackpilled wheat waffles in terms of ideology. Let's say he's on the "self improvement" pill)

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0GmDb3lon4&t=2218s

 

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[Johnny boy]

Ah, a fellow Tommassi fan I see. Indeed this is true. Although nowadays it seems most our generation thinks this is the truth:

We may as well GIVE UP Johnny. We dont have a the perfect jawline so we'll only get "sub 5" women and its just our turn anyways. We'll never score!

As always, anything that "most of our generation thinks" is autistic and wrong

go get in shape, look good, do cool shit, have a cool life, and talk to some bitches.

or don't, doesn't matter to me. I ignore blackpill nerds anyways.

 

[heavy_industry]

go get in shape, look good, do cool shit, have a cool life, and talk to some bitches.

Spot on, as usual.

 

[StrikingViper69]

wtf is "blackpilled wheat waffles"??

 

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[Kevin88660]

wtf is "blackpilled wheat waffles"??

I think it refers to manosphere guru who sells the notion that women are evil and the modern western world is rigged against men. Just tell your audience what they want to hear and make money off them kind of game. Tommassi plays that vibe frequently too.

 

[StrikingViper69]

I think it refers to manosphere guru who sells the notion that women are evil and the modern western world is rigged against men. Just tell your audience what they want to hear and make money off them kind of game. Tommassi plays that vibe frequently too.

I wonder how many more coloured "pills" we'll get over the next few years

 

[Lyinx]

You get what you deserve, so go out and become a 10/10 man and you'll have 10/10 women.

Look good
Have a great life
Do cool shit
Be a great communicator and be a brave leader instead of a cowardly follower
Have high expectations for yourself and others

Agreed 100%

When looking for a girl
younger=better
traditional=better
religious=better
shy=better
submissive=better

The further you stray from this the more you can expect problems.

Not Agreed. My partner helps me out, she is somewhat submissive, but knows when to speak up and make her point. Shy? Nope.
all the others, yes.

 

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