How do I know what I desire?

[kimberland]

Okay,
here's my two cents
(for what it's worth)...

You think too much
and do too little.

I always look at the huge posts you write
and think...
man, that took a lot of time to do.

Whenever I get down in the dumps,
I know I'm not busy enough.
When you're working your a$$ off,
you don't have time to worry.

 

[kwerner]

What attitude would you suggest I take on? I try things, and if I’m not remotely good at them, I don’t waste my time. Why would I want to spend my life doing things that I’m not good at?

I haven't been on the boards for a while, but this post intrigued me...


Let me ask you a question HC, do you have kids?

I have two-year-old, and when he first started to walk, talk, potty-train or anything else new to him, he wasn't "remotely good" at them either. But we didn't give up on him just because he wasn't good at them the first (or 100th) time.

Would you allow your kids to give up on walking, talking, etc. just because they weren't good at these things? Would you consider it a "waste" of time for them to learn these essential skills?

No? Then why give up on YOURSELF?

You know, it took my son some time to get a hang of some of these skills; we'll use walking as an example. At first he felt afraid, and didn't want to try, but eventually he gave it a go, and fell down, got a couple knots on the noggin, but you know what? We encouraged him to keep trying - strengthened him with positive and negative reinforcement, and he got better. Now he takes off like a rocket, and it's hard for mom and dad to even catch him most of the time.

The point is, that's what the members on the board are trying to do with you. They're trying to encourage you, and motivate you with positive and negative reinforcement to tell you to get out and ENJOY this gift you have called LIFE.

Sitting at home playing video games 15 hours a week isn't LIFE, it's your comfort zone. You ask for direction on how to find your passion / desire - well we're telling you - GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! Get out and try something new. And yes, interacting with others is a CRITICAL part of this journey in finding your passion / desire - as you've already stated you haven't found many interesting people / friends. And I say that it is critical, because you know what you'll eventually find? Some of these new people you're interacting with, in your new activities, might just turn out to be interesting, good, people. How about that? Wouldn't that be cool? To find a new activity (that you may actually find ENJOYABLE after some effort), meet some interesting new people, and develop your social / personal skills in the process?

You know what that sounds like to me? The beginning of the new you.

 

[Jill]

Wow, so much here.

I didn't notice your age, but I'm assuming that you're young. I don't mean that in a condescending way. I just know that as a group, those currently in their teens and twenties are largely un-inspired and bored nowadays. (Those subscribed to this forum are an obvious exception. I'm just painting with a broad stroke here). They've been coddled, soft and protected, and have never been forced to CREATE their own entertainment, because it's been served up to them by Cable, DVDs and Computers. I'm amazed when I look around our neighborhood which is FILLED with youngsters. No one plays outside anymore. Our 12-yr old mopes around for hours on end either watching TV or saying, "I'm bored". (Note: She's learned not to say this to me because I always have a list of things she can do to un-bore her!) </rant over>

IMHO, you need to do an exercise in Values Assessment. I recommend Tony Robbins' for starters. I don't recall which book, but you really can't go wrong with any of his materials. THEN you can figure out what makes you tick. What is it that makes you sit on the edge of your seat when you talk about it? What is it that you overhear in a conversation that makes you want to join in? What is it that you would sacrifice everything for? So far, all I've really heard you say you desire is "fun". To quote Zig Ziglar, "Life isn't alway fun, but it can be challenging, exciting and rewarding!" E.g. pumping iron: not fun, but the results can be very rewarding!

I once heard someone's definition of Hell as "Meeting up one day with the you that you might have been, had you lived up to your potential."

I sounds like you're very bright, creative, talented guy. Maybe somewhere in the recess of your mind, you're unhappy with yourself because you know that you aren't coming anywhere close to realizing your potential. Just a guess.

But start with determining what you value most.

In the meantime,
1) Leave your computer at the shop for an extra week, if you think you're strong enough, and
2) Sign up for a language class. Learn to speak a new language.
3) Have you ever traveled abroad? How do you know you have no desire, if you've never tried it? There's a much bigger world out there than your own backyard (or cyberspace).
4) Take tennis or (horseback) riding lessons.

I have other ideas about how to capitalize on your obvious passion for video games. But I think you need to deal with these other issues first. </tough love over>

Now go the middle of the room and sing a complete song as loud as you can, while dancing, and tell me if you could finish it without smiling and laughing a little! Try to look up at the ceiling and smile as ridiculously big as you can , during this whole time. It's almost impossible to stay depressed and bored while physically changing your "state". Do what these guys are doing for 30 seconds, and tell me you aren't at least a little more energized:


:great:

 

[HCBailly]

The following is an introduction of who I am to give you a better idea of how to answer the topic question. If you already know me, then you can skip down to The Discussion, though I also talk about recent events you may not know about.

Introduction
For those who don’t know me, I’m a 26-year old, self-employed owner of a moderately successful carpet cleaning business. I’ve also had unsuccessful ventures into the other two asset classes: real estate and paper assets. The physical reason I failed in the latter areas and am not growing in my current business is because of my lack of marketing ability or the ability to outsource it. NOTE: That is not the purpose of this discussion, so let’s avoid the topic, please.

Very recently, I grew tired of simply getting by on my business. Sure, I was easily surviving in a 3-bedroom townhome, working only 20 hours per week, but I felt greatly dissatisfied with it. I wasn’t getting ahead and my life seemed to lack direction.

Since I strongly felt that I could not grow the business any longer, I turn to my old college degree in Electronic Engineering Technology for help. Originally, I got the degree to provide a better future for myself, only to find a terrible job market. For no apparent reason, I was extraordinarily lucky to find not only a job interview, but one that was perfectly suited for my degree. Currently, I’m working 40 hours per week at the job and still working the business on the side.

The results of working both at the same time has been unexpected. I anticipated being completely miserable, working both my business and the job at the same time. So far, there has been no conflict between the two. My clients leave a message on my voice mail, and I discretely check it every couple hours during my breaks to take appointments. They seem very understanding to work with my new schedule, because of this economy.

Would I say that I’m happier with the new job? The job in and of itself doesn’t make me happier. Rather, it prevents me from focusing on my sadness. Granted, I’d like to have more free time, but when I only had the business, I had so much free time, that I didn’t know what to do with it, besides focusing on how poor business was. Taking action only resulted in futile results, making me further depressed. On a side note, since starting the new job, I’ve already lost five pounds. Apparently, despite being a more sedentary job, it provides more of a distraction which keeps me from turning to food for pleasure.

The Discussion
As a result of these new emotional findings, I decided to return to the beginning: why. Why do I want to become wealthy if doing so only made me more bitter and depressed?

For me, it was simply a matter of logic. At the time I got my college degree, I had a choice. Either I get a job with my degree, working 50 hours per week, earning $35K per year, or I could join my dad’s carpet cleaning business, working 30 hours per week, earning $30K per year. The choice seemed clear to me. Even when I bought the business, it made perfect sense, given the numbers at the time.

As a minor side-motivation, it also seemed to be the ethical thing to do. The impression that I get from the rich is that poor and middle class people are bad people. They are only poor, because they are lazy. They conspire to steal wealth from those in power through taxes, entitlements, and other government functions. They feel that money is the root of all evil, because they don’t have it. Obviously, no rational person would consciously choose to be a bad one. Thus, I decided I wanted to be wealthy.

The problem is that logic and ethics aren’t nearly enough of a motivation to build wealth without the passion to back it up. You need an incredibly strong desire to have it more than anything else, which I do not have. This further depressed me, because I felt like a bad person for not having that desire.

Back to the question in the topic: How do I find or manufacture that desire?

My first inclination was to look at other people’s motivations and borrow them. Most people seem to want financial freedom so that they can buy more things, get better health care, or have more free time to travel the world, be with their family, or do whatever they really want to do with their life.

Honestly, none of that interests me in the slightest. I already have all the material possessions I want, except for things that cost under $30. My health care seems adequate right now, though I’m still young. I know I can’t physically work forever, but that’s so far away, it provides no motivation to me today. Having a family is of no interest to me, nor is traveling the world.

What else is there? What do I do if I continue to lack the passion for building wealth? Am I simply doomed to be middle class for eternity?

Thanks for the discussion.

 

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[Russ H]

H C Bailly,

I've followed your posts now for well over a year on here and the richdad forums.

You're asking for input.

I don't think you're going to like what I'm going to say, but hey, you want honest opinons, here goes:

1. In that time I've read LOTS of your posts. I've seen you change very little, but talk about change a lot.

At this moment in time, that puts you in the group of people I'd call "talkers" or "dreamers". Not doers.

Yes, you can tell me about all the things you've done in that year. But look at where you are, right now. Have you taken control of where you're going, or is life just steering you?

2. You continue to say that you own a moderately successful carpet cleaning business. Buying a biz from your dad and working the minimum it takes to keep it afloat is NOT successful in my book. You bought yourself a J.O.B., plain and simple. You buy new equipment, you try new sales techniques-- and you're still working only 20 hours a week at this. AND- you owe your dad the money for buying the business. Or did you get a loan on your house, and insure you will be paying for this business venture for the next 10-30 years?

3. You love to analyze. And I have to say, after reading halfway through your post today, I thought to myself (based on the dozens of posts I've read from you), "Gee, maybe this guy suffers from clinical depression. Maybe he can't get going b/c he just has some kind of chemical imbalance."

And then you made the comment about losing a few pounds, and not getting your pleasure/escape from food.

And it all made sense.

You have a lifestyle that is making you this way.

You have posted that you play video games and eat. I can relate to this, as I am a video game addict. I played for days in college, and actually had to quit completely because I realized it would ruin my life.

That was 25 years ago.

I have spent less than one hour-- TOTAL-- playing video games since.

I do not own a game machine, and I have spent about $10 on coin op games, in the past 20+ years.

********

And I love to eat.

********

I know that I could happily spend the rest of my life playing video games, and eating, and do little else.

Tell me if this is not a true statement for you.

It is for me.

*******

I chose a different path.

I learned how to get my thrills outside, in the real world.

Was this a better decision? Perhaps not for everyone. But it was for me.

*******

Your statement about getting a job and feeling LESS depressed is what convinces me you're not clinically depressed.

You're just bored, and reinforcing your boredom and bad lifestyle is making you unhappy.

TALKING about your situation just makes you more miserable. I've seen this.

DO SOMETHING.

*******

So you want my advice?

Change your life.

The JOB is great. So is the carpet cleaning biz.

Keep those.

But try to do a major rework on the rest of your life habits.

Join a group that helps you diet and exercise.

Make a promise to yourself to see if you can put your video games away for one month-- NOT PLAY THEM AT ALL.

Don't focus on business right now.

Focus on changing your terrible life habits.

I think you'll be amazed at what happens.

-Russ H.

 

[kurtyordy]

On a side note, I took a career evaluation test when I was in high school. It was a huge multi-hour multiple choice test to determine your skills and interests. Most people in my class got at least 5 choices from the computer after the test. I got one choice returned to me:

Floral Designer.
.

that could be a SNL skit right there, or at least a charlie brown strip.

^ I got mortician or interior designer. High school career tests are bulls***! Get out your Google skills and find a good personality test that focuses on strengths and weaknesses.

amen, most of these are worthless.

HC,

I think the reason I have always been drawn to your posts is I have been in the passion hunt as well. It is quite maddening. People tried to help by giving suggestions or asking questions that just left me more frustrated, and feeling more like a freak.

Why is it so difficult to find fulfillment? I also was a big time gamer. Gaming was an escape. I played the world domination games with the thinking that I was honing my skills as a mogul. In reality, I was just escaping reality.

So now I make my business decisions 90% on whether or not I enjoy the activity, in search of my passion. If I get into something I do not enjoy, I either outsource, or dump it and take a loss. No amount of money is worth misery.

The best thing I ever did was going back to working for a paycheck. Got the wolf from the door, and gave me the financial freedom I needed to explore.

I have taken many wrong turns along the way. One of which was feedyourfamilyfeedtheworld.com I thought my passion for the cause would overcome my lack of passion for the vehicle, I was wrong. So I hired someone to run it since I still believe in the cause.

Now I think I have found it. I launch at the end of this month.

The key is to keep trying stuff on a small scale until you find what really trips your trigger. This is what you fill in the game time with. This is how you change your life. The beauty of the internet is the it has lowered the entry point for many experiments.

From where I sit, it is clear the carpet thing is not your passion, so move on. dump or outsource and try again.

A wise man once to me, "A dog in the hunt don't know he got fleas." This is what finding your passion does. True passion will fulfill you regardless of the financial reward.

And for some, they are very fulfilled being 's' people. There is nothing wrong with this, this is what they enjoy even if it is designing floral arrangements.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Just look at the Google ads being served up in this thread for an unbiased perspective .....

• Lose Belly Fat
• 24 Hour Fitness, Fitness membership
• Addiction Counseling
• Affordable Meth Rehab

That sort of tells you what Google thinks .. addictions, laziness, and lack of motion.

There is your answer.

 

[memenode]

This thread brought me to this site, as I was searching for "how do I know if I desire".

I've read it, mostly, and here are a few thoughts that I had:

1. Turning something into a job doesn't necessarily take the fun out of it - IF that something is what you actually love to do. I no longer buy that distinction between "fun" and "work". Success comes when you merge the two.

2. From all that I've seen you say it seems to me that nothing other than gaming and then making those youtube videos really makes you happy. It kinda seems like there's a huge elephant in the room and you're not seeing it. Maybe your gaming thing actually IS the answer you're looking for. Don't take this for granted though, because it is still possible that it's just your comfort zone rather than your one definite passion, but it's something to consider. This brings me to the following point:

3. You say your videos don't have inherent value because you don't see a way to monetize them. The truth is, so long as people actually want to view your videos they do have value. "Money" is nothing but a measure of value, ANY kind of value. That you don't yet see a way to monetize it doesn't mean there isn't one. If there's a will there is a way. Desire it, decide you'll have it, believe in it, plan it, persist and you'll have it.

4. Provided it's true that gaming and gaming videos are your biggest passion I don't see why would turning it into a business make it so much less fun. I see an opportunity for just the opposite: merging fun and work.

5. Wealth is just about increasing your capacity. Money and material posessions are indeed a pretty dry thing. In and of itself it can't make you happy. But what it does is increase your capacity to do what does make you happy and make the kind of impact on the world which would make you very proud and happy about yourself. Make the mark.

Hope it helps a bit.

Cheers

 

[HCBailly]

Thanks for the positive post, memenode. It got me thinking about that stream of income again.

To elaborate, my “passion†for games is not limited to video games. They’re simply the most readily accessible. I used to go out to play cards with friends 2-3 times per week, and even traveled to tournaments all over the midwest. That was a lot of fun, but eventually became financially unwise.

Back to the YouTube idea, I created a topic awhile back about the subject. IIRC, most people suggested the idea of creating a website, and using adsense or some other means of generating income. I have no doubt that I could create a website and drive sufficient traffic to it, via my YouTube account. However, there are some challenges that stand in my way, based on the ways I could generate income:

1) I could generate income by selling something. The idea would be to have sponsors on my website, they click on it, buy something, and I get a cut of it. While this would generate the greatest ROI, it is conversely not very likely to succeed. Naturally, most people who would visit my website would be like me, and have extensive experience using the internet. So much so, that we tune out the banners. Anyone with a brain stem knows not to click on banners and buy something from it.

2) I could generate income via Pay Per Click. This generates far less income (pennies), but is more feasible. Currently, I just hit my personal benchmark of 1000 views per new video per day. Overall, my videos usually peak at 1500-2000 views, unless they’re something special. My most popular video is up to 150000 views. While this has a greater chance to succeed, I would need tens of thousands of clicks per day in order to generate a significant amount of income.

What is “significant� For me, my definition would be the minimum amount of income required to outweigh the cost of performing the activity. In this case, the cost is the time spent to develop the website and its content. While a lot of that it outweighed by the emotional pleasure I get from making the videos, I wouldn’t just create a website for free.

Based on my calculations, I would want my website to generate a net minimum of $600 per month (after taxes) for it to be worth it for me to build. Pay per clicks aren’t going to cover that at my current subscriber rate, nor do I believe that I can get people to buy things from my website. So how do I do it?

I had an interesting thought recently. Maybe it’s just hogwash, but I’ll lay it out for you. Someone mentioned the idea of having a sort of newsletter, or something that people would subscribe to and get emailed periodically. The original idea was to remind people of my website and support my sponsors.

What if I could somehow get $5 per year from my active subscribers? If I had 2000 people pay that amount per year, that would generate $10K per year, which should net the $600 per month after taxes. So the questions would then become, how do I get that amount out of my subscribers?

I have some ideas, but I honestly don’t think they would work. Obviously, people aren’t going to pay any amount of money for something when there are free alternatives available. This means that I really couldn’t charge people to watch my videos. I’ve heard of some websites with forums that charge people to post there, in order to weed out the spammers. However, I only really have about 50 people who actively post comments on my videos, so I highly doubt enough people would pay to join a forum on my website.

Some websites have banners, but allow people to pay a fee to get rid of them. This would also seem counter-productive, since people would get annoyed by either the banners or the necessity to pay a fee. I’ve subscribed to magazine-type websites in the past. They would have writers post daily articles about gaming topics, but have “premier†articles with all the really useful information, which requires a subscription to read.

Those are just some thoughts off the top of my head. I know what I would put on my website, but I don’t think people would be willing to pay $5 per year for it. After all, they’re just games.

 

[HCBailly]

This time, I decided to take action and see the results before making another post.

Apparently, I exaggerated when I used the words “failing miserablyâ€. Put more accurately, I would have said “having yet to move closer to my goalsâ€. Financial freedom is the goal. I’m not going to justify why I’m a failure (which isn’t true), but the fact is that I’m farther away from achieving financial freedom now than I was when I was 18.

That said, these last two months may have been the most positively influential ones of my life. Several risks have paid off for me.

1) Getting the new carpet cleaning equipment. This was extremely risky on my part. There was no guarantee that my clients (or I) would be happy with it. I thought that my clients used me because I had the most powerful equipment on the market. As it turned out, I have yet to lose a single client, because my equipment is technically less powerful. I don’t know exactly why they don’t care, but I would speculate that all they care about is whether I make the carpet look just as good, and that it dries just as quickly. At the time, I had no idea whether it would work out, but it has totally paid off!

2) Getting the new, smaller van. This somewhat went hand-in-hand with getting the new equipment. Since the equipment is smaller, I didn’t need such a huge van. This more than doubled (possibly tripled) my fuel efficiency instantly. I was worried that clients would be shunned by a less-than-ultra-professional-looking van, but they don’t seem to care. What I also didn’t consider at first was also the cost of maintenance of the old equipment. No longer am I shelling out $500/month for maintenance on the huge van and/or equipment. Because my new equipment is much smaller, the worst thing that could ever go bad on it would cost less than $200. My van has about 20k miles on it, so I doubt much will go wrong on that any time soon.

3) Getting the new job. This is the biggest change of all. In the past, most of my carpet cleaning appointments have been in the mornings. Since I’m working the new job full time now, I can only schedule appointments in the late afternoon and on weekends. Nor can I answer the phone during the day, though I can check voice mail during lunch. I was sure that I would lose at least some clients. In the month of August, I had an average month, IN ADDITION to the income from my new job. Plus, I have several appointments lined up for September.

On a side note, I also performed a very interesting calculation regarding my business loan. With the new job, the earliest that I can pay off my loan is April 2009. Out of 5 total years, that leaves 3 years left on the loan. By that point, I will have paid 2/3 of the interest on the loan. Based on that, if I were to use all of my cash to pay off the loan, I would only save $6k of interest over the next three years. If I instead used that cash to pay off other high-interest debt (ie: my van loan), I would save $22k over the next three years, most of which is interest. Granted, the monthly payments on the business loan are high, but most of that is going towards the principal now, so I’m going to just pay it off over time instead.

I just thought I’d post some good news for a change.

By the way, I did the singing and dancing exercise. For some very strange reason, I’ve had the song “It’s Raining Men†stuck in my head lately. Apparently, I have a very warped mind.

 

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[CactusWren]

Great post, Russ!

I recommend therapy and exercise, too.

Good luck! Never forget you are special and there is an important reason why you are here.

 

[yveskleinsky]

HC-

I too have been following your posts for years, and have to say that you do seem depressed. There is nothing wrong with being unmotivated if, and only if, you use that lack of motivation as an action signal to try something different. You've seemed terribly unhappy with the carpet cleaning business for a long time. If you don't find it stimulating or enjoyable, either find something completely different or supplement your life with things you do enjoy, in addition to (or instead of) video games.

As for the desire of money, you left out one big motivator...time. When you are financially free, you own your time, and your time is your most valuable asset; how you chose to spend it is up to you.

 

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[MsMoney]

HC, I'm new to the community so I haven't read any of your posts. Based on what you shared, I do agree with the others that you don't sound clinically depressed...but rather in the "habit" of not doing what needs to be done to take care of you.

I get it. I was like that a few years ago when I would go to work Mon-Fri and on the weekends literally lie in bed all day. I shut out my friends & family and didn't want to do anything. I, too, found I had passion for NOTHING! Then I realized what the others are advising you to do. I got a LIFE. I didn't try to focus on making money at that time. I focused on MY LIFE. I asked myself "If I have all the money in the world, what would I want to do right now?"....sometimes that helped me & sometimes it didn't.

I think you need to take it a day at a time. It's a bad habit you've created and it's about "undoing" that habit. Join a local group/organization where you are committed to being there and being involved (whether it's book writing, church, sports, fantasy baseball, something...) Just encourage yourself to get involved. You may have to figure what you like too, by going there...if you don't like something then move on to the next. You'll find it!

For me, I turned to my faith. I started moving more & more towards church and becoming involved. Nothing too heavy, just "O.K. I'll get dressed & go to church today" and I felt better. Once I was out in the world and moving for the day, I would then try to meet up with friends afterward....or go to a play with my sister....it took time for me to "create my life & create the passion in it".

I believe you have it in you. Take the pressure off right now of creating wealth, and just go get yourself a life. You'll have a great resource once you've done that to use when you are ready to create wealth (because you'll need a break once in awhile).

I wish you much success in your journey. Know that this is part of your journey to your destiny...what do you plan to do? Look at the people on this site, or the many many famous people over time...they had to "pay their dues", persevere and push thru. I know you have it in you or you wouldn't have asked for advice.

Keep us posted!!!

 

[HCBailly]

Thanks for the quick responses everyone.

Just so everybody knows, when I said that I was working my business 20 hours per week, that figure was only referring to the actual manual labor from cleaning carpets. That does not include all the time I spend on developing advertising, networking, and other grass roots marketing techniques, like doorhangers.

Also, I will be paying off my business loan in 6 months, thanks to my new job; if that matters.

The general consensus seems to be that I have a bad habit in my life. Could you elaborate more directly on what that is?

You seemed to indicate that it is my lifestyle that is the problem. To be honest, I don’t see what is wrong with it. Then again, I don’t know what the problem is, yet I know there is a problem.

Are video games the problem? Ironically, I did a report in my sociology class on video game addiction. We covered home video game addiction, internet addiction, MMORPG addiction, and gambling addiction. Even before I got this job, I didn’t spend most of my free time playing video games. I probably played maybe 2-4 hours per day.

I would say that I’m not addicted, because I don’t see any visible signs that they are taking away from my life. I’m not sacrificing my health or sleep for them. They don’t impact my dedication to my job or my business. Though, to be honest, I could never give them up for a month, or even a week. They’re too important to my relaxation after work.

I used to think that time was a great motivation for building wealth, since I value time far more than money. Since I’ve had the new job for a couple weeks now, I’m starting to re-evaluate my value system. Having as much free time as I had before made me miserable. I didn’t know what to do with myself, nor do I now.

Let pretend that I was to quit video games cold turkey. What would I do? Probably watch TV. What would I do going out? The things that would come up don’t interest me. How would that be any different than sitting at home watching TV or playing video games?

I think this discussion is going somewhere. Thanks again.

 

[kurtyordy]

HC,

I told you a long time ago about your video games. I have been trying to give you advice for well over a year now.

You typically ignore 90% of the advice given, not just from me, but from everyone. Find the 10% you can argue with, argue with it, and then continue as before.

Like Russ said, try giving up the games for a week and deliberately try to find something productive to fill it.

Options include-
walking
reading
bowling
hiking
volunteering
etc.

Take out the bad and put in good. If you just remove the bad and leave a void, new bad will takes its place. You need to put good in.

BTW- I do believe getting a job was one of the best decisions you have made in the past year.

 

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[Jito]

I think you need to find a psychical activity that you enjoy. Our bodies are built to move and exert energy. For me its rock climbing and brazlian jiu jitsu. All my worries melt away when I'm planning my next move or avoiding getting choke out.

Join the world man, it can be a very fun place.

 

[Russ H]

Also, I will be paying off my business loan in 6 months, thanks to my new job; if that matters.

I had no idea, HC. Last you posted re this, as I recall, you were trying to get an equity line on your house so you could lower the payments and make LOTS more of them.

Major rep speed for this. This is the biggest single thing I've ever seen you do to accelerate your financial well being.

(note: You were at 5 mph before I hit you w/rep speed. After: 15 mph. You skipped a whole level! )

The general consensus seems to be that I have a bad habit in my life. Could you elaborate more directly on what that is?

Sure. You waste time on non-productive pursuits. Video games is one example.

Watching TV many be another, I don't know.

Do you watch more than 30 min each day, any day of the week?

Lots of other things that can be non-productive pursuits-- listening to music, reading romance novels,

Note that I'm not saying you need to give these up completely.

But you're asking us how to get ahead.

This is how.

You seemed to indicate that it is my lifestyle that is the problem. To be honest, I don’t see what is wrong with it. Then again, I don’t know what the problem is, yet I know there is a problem.

Are video games the problem?

Even before I got this job, I didn’t spend most of my free time playing video games. I probably played maybe 2-4 hours per day.

I'd venture to guess it's more, having been in a similar spot.

I'd guess at least 30 hours a week. Maybe even more.

30 hrs/wk is a good amount of time to start a part time business. Or develop new healthy life habits that relax you without killing you slowly.

I never realized that I was addicted to video games or TV, BTW, until I kept a log-- writing things down the next day.

I was watching 40+ hours of TV a week.

Before that, I was playing 50+ hours of video games a week.

Today, I watch zero (we have no TV service).

And I haven't played video games for years.

We do put on Elmo and Sesame St for our little one, and I do watch these w/her. But trust me when I say that watching Mary Poppins for the 50th time, while enjoyable, is not something high on my list of things I like to do!

I would say that I’m not addicted, because I don’t see any visible signs that they are taking away from my life. I’m not sacrificing my health or sleep for them. They don’t impact my dedication to my job or my business.

Though, to be honest, I could never give them up for a month, or even a week. They’re too important to my relaxation after work.

That's an addiction, HC.

Just insert any other addiction into what you've just said:

I would say that I’m not addicted to alcohol, because I don’t see any visible signs that they are taking away from my life. I’m not sacrificing my health or sleep for them. They don’t impact my dedication to my job or my business.

Though, to be honest, I could never give them up for a month, or even a week. They’re too important to my relaxation after work.

I would say that I’m not addicted to drugs, because I don’t see any visible signs that they are taking away from my life. I’m not sacrificing my health or sleep for them. They don’t impact my dedication to my job or my business.

Though, to be honest, I could never give them up for a month, or even a week. They’re too important to my relaxation after work.

See?

Let's pretend that I was to quit video games cold turkey. What would I do? Probably watch TV. What would I do going out? The things that would come up don’t interest me. How would that be any different than sitting at home watching TV or playing video games?

Change your life, H C

The things that interest you are wrecking your life.

Learn some new interests:

-Walks in the park.
-Volunteering at a senior center.
-Biking or some other healthy exercise

(other readers-- ideas for HC?)

Getting the job to pay off your business loan faster is the best thing I've seen you do, HC.

Developing new, healthy habits is no different.

You just have to START BY MAKING A CHANGE.

Then, stick with it for 4 weeks.

After that, it's much easier, and actually becomes something you look forward to.

-Russ H.

 

[Runum]

HC I have to say that this is the most dramatic, change of life, posting I have seen from you. Congrats. I do hope you get this all figured out. When it all works out please let us know what things worked for you. Good luck.:cheers:

 

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[HCBailly]

Thanks for the positive response, everyone; especially Russ H.

The reason I am going to be able to pay off the business loan so quickly is two-fold:

1) Obviously, the new job is substantially increasing my net income.

2) I have a real estate deal that will net me at least $20K, though I’m projecting $30K, if everything works out.

I’m shocked that you think that getting a job is a good thing for me. Frankly, I’m shocked that I’m not as depressed as I was before. I’m not really more satisfied with my life, but I’m more distracted from being dissatisfied with it.

The main reason I got the job was because I strongly felt that the business was not going to pick up, and would only continue to decline. Thus, in order to stay on top of things, I needed the job in order to survive, long-term. In developing long-term wealth, isn’t getting the job a step in the wrong direction?

Back to the point, let’s talk about video games. I think that it is important to distinguish what I do with video games from what I would imagine is your pre-conceived notion of them.

First, I do not play video games to simply kill time. I do not play FPS games where I blow someone’s head off 10 seconds into the game. I do not play games for mindless fun. That is indeed a waste of time, IMHO.

I do two things with video games. First, I play strategy-based games, like Warcraft, and RPGs like Final Fantasy. These kind of games actually require me to think, create strategies, and work with other people in groups, as in the case of World of Warcraft. They exercise my mind, keep me sharp, and engage me in social activity regularly.

The second part of what I do with video games are with YouTube, which I started about 8 months ago. I make a 10-minute commentary per day on whatever game I’m playing at the time. I have over 2500 subscribers now and get almost 100 messages per day on there. Talk about social activity! That is a big reason why it would be hard for me to drop it entirely. My subscribers really enjoy my videos.

For me, video games are not merely mindless fun, or a waste of time. However, I expect you to dismiss my points as justifying an addiction, and that’s fine.

...Try giving up the games for a week and deliberately try to find something productive to fill it.

Options include-
walking
reading
bowling
hiking
volunteering
etc.

I’m going to try to fight every instinct in my mind not to argue with you on those specific activities by responding with a question. Why would those or any other activities be more productive than playing video games? Instead of exercising my mind, they are exercising my body. From my perspective, that is just as unproductive to me as playing video games are to you.

By the way, I actually watch very little TV nowadays. There’s nothing good on. I would seriously consider getting rid of my cable television if my fiancee didn’t care about it.

Russ H,

Why do you feel that video games are wreaking my life? Simply because an activity is non-productive in your view, doesn’t necessarily make it detrimental.

I have actually charted how much time I spend playing video games. This week would be a good example, since I didn’t have many jobs this week.

Sunday: 6 hours
Monday: None (Had work on both jobs)
Tuesday: 2 hours
Wednesday: 2 hours
Thursday: 2 hours
Friday: 2 hours
Today: 1 hour so far, probably 2-3 more hours after writing this. I had a lot of work today.

What do you expect me to do? Spend all my waking hours eating and making money?

Your analogy of video game addiction to alcohol addiction is extremely flawed. Because of how I am unwilling to give up video games, you immediately assume that I’m addicted to it. That’s a post hoc fallacy. “Because of this, therefore this.” You could make the same analogy to food or water, yet you wouldn’t say that I was addicted to it.

I’m trying to understand why you think this is such a critical issue for me. Thanks for helping me see it through.

 

[I85]

I have over 2500 subscribers now and get almost 100 messages per day on there. Talk about social activity! That is a big reason why it would be hard for me to drop it entirely. My subscribers really enjoy my videos.

So what? I thought this thread was about finding out how to enjoy your life...not how to help everyone else enjoy theirs. How long do you spend reading these messages and replying? Even more time on top of the time you spend playing video games?

What do you expect me to do? Spend all my waking hours eating and making money?

I don't believe anyone ever said that and I think many people see things differently than you. Personally I just don't see a 26 year old playing video games more often than an average 12 year old. I'm not saying video games are bad or anything...I have my fair share of them.

I’m going to try to fight every instinct in my mind not to argue with you on those specific activities by responding with a question. Why would those or any other activities be more productive than playing video games? Instead of exercising my mind, they are exercising my body. From my perspective, that is just as unproductive to me as playing video games are to you.

What does playing games for 10% of your time do for you? I just don't see how it you can gain that much knowledge playing video games...to each his own though . Exercise can get you in better shape... giving your more energy, confidence etc. I hate exercising and should/need to do more of it, so don't think I'm some gym nut. I just don't see how you can really compare the two. However, I agree that if you want to spend 10 or 20 percent of your life playing games...then that is your choice to make.



Bottom line...only you can choose how you spend your time. If you choose to spend 20% of your life playing games and talking about games, then that is what you choose.

 

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[HCBailly]

Quick thought:

Perhaps the reason I enjoy playing video games, is because I’m good at them and I succeed. The same goes for a lot of other kinds of games I play, like various card games (poker), or board games with friends. When I play games, I tend to win, and that feels good. When I do just about anything else, I tend to either lose or be feel in the process of losing at the game of life. Winning is fun. Losing is not. Period.

By the way, the reason I make the YouTube videos is more for my own personal enjoyment. They're incredibly fun to make, and even more so because other people enjoy them. A potential passion of mine is to entertain others, because I enjoy making other people happy. However, to make any money off of it would require turning it into a job, which would eliminate the enjoyment I get out of it.

 

[I85]

Quick thought:

Perhaps the reason I enjoy playing video games, is because I’m good at them and I succeed. The same goes for a lot of other kinds of games I play, like various card games (poker), or board games with friends. When I play games, I tend to win, and that feels good. When I do just about anything else, I tend to either lose or be feel in the process of losing at the game of life. Winning is fun. Losing is not. Period.

By the way, the reason I make the YouTube videos is more for my own personal enjoyment. They're incredibly fun to make, and even more so because other people enjoy them. A potential passion of mine is to entertain others, because I enjoy making other people happy. However, to make any money off of it would require turning it into a job, which would eliminate the enjoyment I get out of it.

How can you get good at anything else with that attitude? How are you going to become good at something else when you will not even try it?

Winning is fun...but it seems like you feel you are winning in games and losing in life. Personally, I'd rather work on winning in real life . :cheers:

 

[kurtyordy]

I’m going to try to fight every instinct in my mind not to argue with you on those specific activities by responding with a question. Why would those or any other activities be more productive than playing video games? Instead of exercising my mind, they are exercising my body. From my perspective, that is just as unproductive to me as playing video games are to you.

my quick answer is, the difference is you get to interact with other people. The long answer- try it and find out.

 

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[HCBailly]

How can you get good at anything else with that attitude? How are you going to become good at something else when you will not even try it?

Winning is fun...but it seems like you feel you are winning in games and losing in life. Personally, I'd rather work on winning in real life.

What attitude would you suggest I take on? I try things, and if I’m not remotely good at them, I don’t waste my time. Why would I want to spend my life doing things that I’m not good at? In my experience, either you’re good at something or you’re not. You can only get better if you have the potential for it. Banging your head on a brick wall over and over again isn’t going to make it hurt less.

As you have observed, working on winning in real life has been an exercise in futility for me. It makes me miserable, irritable, and negative. Since I seem to be unable to win the game, the next best solution seems to be to not play the game anymore, which is partially why I go the job.

The difference is you get to interact with other people.

Would playing an online game with someone else count? What about playing poker with friends irl? I’ve done those and have gained an equal level of enjoyment from those as with video games. Frankly, I don’t see the difference.

Why is interacting with other people so important? As you have probably guessed, I have a very low regard for humanity. Most people are inherently unreliable, will take advantage of you, and will stab you in the back if it suited their interests. I know, because I’ve had that happen to me from just about every person I’ve gotten close to. The only exceptions have been my family and my fiancée. I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me. I've grown a thicker skin by dealing with it. This is how I do it.

Sorry for the negative post. That’s just how I honestly feel.

Thanks for the discussion.

 

[Runum]

HC, I really thought you had made huge strides and then you take a step or two back. As I've said before, what do you want from people? You honestly asked for help and had a great attitude about it. The generous people here gave you great opinions and information. You did say thank you and that's great. Now you want to debate fine points just like you have been doing in the past. You are very smart and analytical. You also seem you just want to debate rather than solve problems.

I am glad you have made some progress and hope the best for you in the future. I just don't see your point about wanting to debate issues that there is no right or wrong answer. It's your life and these are your personal decisions.

 

[HCBailly]

What I want is to have passion for my life, to enjoy life, to feel good about my life. Is that really so much to ask? I don’t care about having riches or power. I already have all the material possessions I want and can do just about anything I want to do with my life and I’m still not happy.

Isn’t debating the art of discussing problems to derive a solution? I lack understanding of what people are telling me. Thus, isn’t the logical solution to explain how I’m feeling in an effort to gain understanding?

The reason I’m debating the issue is because multiple people believe that it is destroying my life; thus, destroying my ability to be happy. If that is the case, I want to know why. So far, I lack that understanding, but am pleased that people are willing to discuss the issue with me in a calm manner.

 

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[Runum]

I agree with discussion for the benefit of gaining understand, knowledge, or agreement. I do believe we all appreciate that. But you know as well as I that debating and arguing opinions is not productive. You asked for opinions and you got some real good ones, from at least two forums. What you do with them is your personal choice.:cheers:

 

[NerdSmasher]

Sitting at home playing video games 15 hours a week isn't LIFE, it's your comfort zone. You ask for direction on how to find your passion / desire - well we're telling you - GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! Get out and try something new.

I think Kwerner has the answer right here. If what you've been doing isn't making you happy, then you've gotta go out and find something new.

Rep++ Kwerner!!

 

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[MsMoney]

What I want is to have passion for my life, to enjoy life, to feel good about my life. Is that really so much to ask? I don’t care about having riches or power. I already have all the material possessions I want and can do just about anything I want to do with my life and I’m still not happy.

Isn’t debating the art of discussing problems to derive a solution? I lack understanding of what people are telling me. Thus, isn’t the logical solution to explain how I’m feeling in an effort to gain understanding?

The reason I’m debating the issue is because multiple people believe that it is destroying my life; thus, destroying my ability to be happy. If that is the case, I want to know why. So far, I lack that understanding, but am pleased that people are willing to discuss the issue with me in a calm manner.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again. There comes a point where you need to just "do it". Why not give Russ' suggestion a shot and just give up the video games & t.v. for 1 week and do something else that would be productive in it's place....what have you got to lose?

No more debating...the time has come for you to ask yourself if you have the courage to change...do you?

 

[HCBailly]

Thanks for the positive responses, everyone. I think I’ve found what I was looking for.