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How do i find friends?

Tourmaline

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Your name is Creep? :clench:

Go get better with people. Go outside to where people are that you'd like to be friends with.

How many books have you read about charisma and people? Whatever the answer is, go read a bunch more and then practice practice practice.
 

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Creep

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There is obviously some awkward term, I'm unaware of this is work-safe) on Finland Sauna culture, but it gives you the general idea. I suspect the poster in Norway, will be able to give a better explantion on comparative culture of the sauna and the filka(which is badly mangled sweedish)
There is actually no sauna culture in Norway, thats a Finnish thing. Here we mostly drink or do sports. Im not very into either :)
 
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Creep

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Your name is Creep? :clench:

Go get better with people. Go outside to where people are that you'd like to be friends with.

How many books have you read about charisma and people? Whatever the answer is, go read a bunch more and then practice practice practice.
Ive read like 3-4 books on social stuff. I think i just need to sign up for a new social hobby.
 

Tourmaline

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Which books?

Have you opened 100 people?
 
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Creep

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Which books?

Have you opened 100 people?
How to win friends
Social intelligence for the socially awkward
How to talk to anyone

Only 3 it seems. Didnt really do anyrhing for me. I still dont enjoy small talk or social games , i just need to find people with similar interests i think.
 

Tourmaline

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How to win friends
Social intelligence for the socially awkward
How to talk to anyone

Only 3 it seems. Didnt really do anyrhing for me. I still dont enjoy small talk or social games , i just need to find people with similar interests i think.
How to win friends didn't do anything for you?

:duh:

I would reread it again.

Small talk is key to connecting with people.

Go learn to like small talk. Resting on interests alone will not help you overcome your lack of being able to make friends. I turned small talk into a game which made it much more enjoyable when I used to hate it, and then I learned to enjoy predicting what people would want to small talk about based on what they wore and where they were.

And have you opened 100 people?
 

Primeperiwinkle

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How to win friends didn't do anything for you?

:duh:

I would reread it again.

Small talk is key to connecting with people.

Go learn to like small talk. Resting on interests alone will not help you overcome your lack of being able to make friends. I turned small talk into a game which made it much more enjoyable when I used to hate it, and then I learned to enjoy predicting what people would want to small talk about based on what they wore and where they were.

And have you opened 100 people?
*slides beverage of choice to you

*being supportive

*whispers to you in a chill offhand way

(Use the principles from book to influence him before you tell him he should just read it again)
 

Tourmaline

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lol @Primeperiwinkle

You don't think being direct is okay even when someone is asking for help?
 

André Casal

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Hey Creep. I've been there. In my case, the lack of friends and the inability to connect to other people was rooted in the Nice Guy Syndrome - the belief that you're not good enough so you must hide any and all signs of imperfection so that you try to show a fake nice guy.

I recommend skimming the No More Mr. Nice Guy book and if you think that's you, read it in depth. I did read it and it helped tremendously. I'm now able to connect like never before. I have conversations with girls regurlarly, people on the bus, people on the street that I find interesting and I have more friends. It's really a life saver of a book. I hope this helps!
 

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Primeperiwinkle

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lol @Primeperiwinkle

You don't think being direct is okay even when someone is asking for help?
I think until somebody uses active listening we won’t even begin to get to the heart of his issue. I just knew you’d get my point.
 

Achieve_Bay

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to be completely fair, small talk is what 90% of people like talking about from my experience. That, and talking about themselves. It is really hard to find friends as an adult because it's not like you can go up to people and say 'hey want to be my friend?' plus asking people who you've just met a few days ago if they want to hang out seems a little off too (if I got an invitation from a person I've just barely met to go hang out I'd instantly think they're asking me out on a date or trying to pitch a pyramid scheme lol).

My advice I guess would be to take some classes that interest you on your free time, this will put you be in a room full of people who are also interested in the same thing as you, or you can go to a community center and play a game of pick up basketball and naturally overtime the people who regularly go there will grow a relationship with you. These two are probably the best ideas I can think of. You should probably understand that not too many people will be the type to 'hate small talk' or want to hang out with a person that isn't social by nature. I too used to be like that but I remember I got fired from a job because the boss said I was 'too quite' and 'didn't talk that much' I realized that people don't react to that sort of thing very positively. The term 'fake it till you make it' really rung with me where I forced myself to be social and talk to nearby people about obvious things such as an elevator moving too slowly or how unbearably hot the weather is. This helped me grow a social skill where I could create a bond with any stranger in a matter of moments. I think this can help you too, if you just kind of push yourself a little to bare with the small talk you hate so much and maybe have a quick 2 second conversation with people, this will really help you with your anti-social tendencies :)

Best of luck
 

Tourmaline

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I think until somebody uses active listening we won’t even begin to get to the heart of his issue. I just knew you’d get my point.
Are there any books regarding communication/active listening/people that you like?
 

Primeperiwinkle

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Are there any books regarding communication/active listening/people that you like?
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Covey
Winning With People - Maxwell
The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupéry
Aesop’s Fable the complete edition
All of the fairy tales by George MacDonald, none of his novels. Start with Photogen and Nycteris.
Middlemarch by George Eliot
Pride and Prejudice by Austen
Ben Hur by Wallace
Waverley by Sir Walter Scott

If we can’t see a situation from someone else’s point of view, walk around in their shoes, feel the pinch of their uncomfortable shoes.. have we really listened to them at all?
 

Johnny boy

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Surround yourself with cooler people and their coolness will rub off on you, especially if you pay close attention to the little details in the way they act.

College athletes in major sports, special forces military guys, fighters, people in the music and entertainment industry, winning entrepreneurs, etc.

Being around losers at your local meetup group won't help a damn thing.
 

ChrisV

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Honestly what really sent my social skills through the roof was meditation.

That plus I notice the more successful I become the more charismatic.

When you get more successful there's this underlying self worth and you don't feel like you have anything ashamed about.

Maybe talk to a therapist as there may be stuff under the surface you're not noticing.
 

Yzn

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As for where to find them, wherever you go. Usually where you hang around most. If it's in your house then you should go out more. But keep your family a priority before everyone else. It actually plays in making your friends need you more to hang out with them when they feel that you have a strong base of social circle to begin with (your family). As for many other reasons your family comes first.

Once you make some conversations, usually people like to speak and be heard. So you should truly try and listen to their feelings and conversations. And then just ask more about the topic they brought up. They talked about going to Thailand? Ask them what they did there, with who and how was it like. Stick to general questions it works.

And one more trick is to be easy-going. Be up for whatever they want to do, even if you feel it might be boring, like a campfire for example. But also be firm, showing that there are some stuff you don't do, whatever that is. For example drugs. I would say usually stay away from druggies cause usually the drugs crave will make them not be able to build real relationships, but more of who can I smoke with, buy from, sell to etc.
 

GerryFolt

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It's easy to find friends. Just be open to people, go somewhere public, start conversations, don't be afraid. Also, you can use special apps to meet new people.
 
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Creep

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It's easy to find friends. Just be open to people, go somewhere public, start conversations, don't be afraid. Also, you can use special apps to meet new people.
Meeting people is easy. Meeting interesting people is not
 

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