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Roark666

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Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?
 

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Simon Angel

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Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?

Your create your own reality, so this is just another limiting belief. It's true that most people lack self-esteem and aren't true friends, but not all people are like that.

You said "It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are." which not only automatically makes it become so (refer to my first sentence) but also shows that you're chasing and seeking out others rather than the other way around. Just focus on your goals and yourself, definitely get the dog and hang out with it outside and your phone will be buzzing soon enough. However, you will likely no longer wish to associate with these people.
 

BellaPippin

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I'm just gonna add that every time you do something for someone else, do it without expecting anything in return. Always.
Every time you start feeling resentful, you did it wrong.
Instead, when you have the urge, do something for yourself and fill the "be nice to myself" tank instead. The energy you spend doing stuff for others and waiting for it to be reciprocated, use it on yourself. The power shifts and the people that are worth keeping will start showing up on their own.

Also I feel the same, and I only found like minded people in here. A lot of us did. Don't even waste time discussing with square heads or trying to change them.

I have way more satisfying, less often interactions over WhatsApp with people from this forum than anyone at work or "acquaintances", excluding my BF and two BFFs, which is the reason they are what they are.
 

Ismail941

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If it is the wrong people = It is gonna cost you - Cut them off
If it is the right people = treasure it, make them business partner, study together, build something entrepreneurial stuff, solve a problem in the marketplace, etc

filter/refine it out by respecting your time value, not people.
 

beswaax

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I was actually thinking about the same things lately. I came to the same conclusion that almost all relationships nowadays are fake and forced. The idea of romantic love is pretty much based around erotic pleasure. Normal friends are also very fake, they would turn on you at any second, I see this with literally everyone, my friends, my parents' friends, my friends' friends, all the same. Obviously there are good people out there and I see many people here that seem to be good people. A dog is a good choice.
 

mon_fi

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Finding good people is rare and befriending them takes time.

Idk how old you are, but millennials have been highlighted as a generation that is incapable to form friendships.

I believe this to be true.
 

Tom H.

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I have more than a few meaningful, satisfying relationships; I've put myself in unique life circumstances where I have contact with interesting people who are committed to bettering themselves.

Do more interesting, meaningful things and you'll find yourself surrounded by a different calibre of people.
 

SteveO

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Good advice so far.

You can live your life and accomplish what you desire without worrying about others. If you feel hurt by others, you are worrying about the wrong things.
 

WabiSabi

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"He is not (your) enemy, since he cannot injure (you); rather he inflicts on himself the most terrible punishment of all, namely ignorance of one who is nobler than himself; and so he is deserted and bereft of the other's protection" - Emperor Julian
 

404profound

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Finding good people is rare and befriending them takes time.

Idk how old you are, but millennials have been highlighted as a generation that is incapable to form friendships.

I believe this to be true.
I am a millennial, and I pretty much agree. I never understood why I'm this way, but it sucks.
 

mon_fi

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I am a millennial, and I pretty much agree. I never understood why I'm this way, but it sucks.
I don't especially like the guy, but he has a point:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU



In a nutshell, bad parenting + participation medal + technology = bunch of impatient people that want it all without putting in the world. Also I think we are deeply afraid to commit to think but we have been drugged with options, and committing is saying no to options.

I am a millennial too, I clearly recognize myself in that, although I am, I'd say, more patient and more willing to put in the work, BUT under one condition: it needs to be for people I care about (working for friends and family, for money or not), or work in which I am my own boss. The big faceless company i have been working for for three days is already getting on my nerves, and it's not "8 months" I'll take to quit, but 8 weeks.

Sometimes I wish a foreign army invaded my country, so that I'd have something to really fight for. Truth is, I'm so comfy, that while I am investing the work into a fastlane business, I could do 3x or 4x time more. But it's not like the house was burning so.... I kinda hate that tbh.
 

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Untio

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Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?
Hey, I think that is normal in every person that is "growing". You just started to reject in others those qualities that are not what you want to be. Also you probably didn't find yet a new group of people to connect with who are in the same level as you are right now, in mindset I mean, so you feel pretty lonely and discouraged about people right now. Just keep going, focus on your projects/goals and beware of depression. There is no need to worry if you understand that you will find likeminded people overtime, feel happy to see with new eyes mate.
 

404profound

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I don't especially like the guy, but he has a point:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU



In a nutshell, bad parenting + participation medal + technology = bunch of impatient people that want it all without putting in the world. Also I think we are deeply afraid to commit to think but we have been drugged with options, and committing is saying no to options.

I am a millennial too, I clearly recognize myself in that, although I am, I'd say, more patient and more willing to put in the work, BUT under one condition: it needs to be for people I care about (working for friends and family, for money or not), or work in which I am my own boss. The big faceless company i have been working for for three days is already getting on my nerves, and it's not "8 months" I'll take to quit, but 8 weeks.

Sometimes I wish a foreign army invaded my country, so that I'd have something to really fight for. Truth is, I'm so comfy, that while I am investing the work into a fastlane business, I could do 3x or 4x time more. But it's not like the house was burning so.... I kinda hate that tbh.
I certainly agree with the drugged by options bit. The easiest way to cause someone anxiety is to introduce ambiguity into a decision.

I wouldn't necessarily align with the "afraid of putting in work" logic. I work a full time job then work 6 hours a night on my fastlane project. The real issue to me is self-doubt, or a lack of belief in process. The poison of comparison starts to say "This other guy has better funding, or beat you to the market, so you've got no shot" when in reality it doesn't matter if he takes 95% of the market, because 5% could be 10 million dollars. I think millennials tend not to be logical thinkers, there is a preference for fear and/or excuses. I've had to have someone smack me into my senses more than once because of that bad habit.
 

GrandRub

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Sometimes I wish a foreign army invaded my country, so that I'd have something to really fight for.

interesting thougth ... would you realy defend your country? why? just because you were born there? i dont think i would do that ... depends on the attacker and why this would happen.
 

JDE

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Your reality is heavily influenced by your mood, meaning the worse of a mood you're in the more likely you are to be pessimistic about any topic, including about other people like in this thread.

We can debate all day on an intellectual level about whether people are good or bad or lazy or stupid but sometimes all you have to do is just go have some fvucking fun and do something you enjoy, and all of a sudden you can't even believe you wasted so much time ruminating about whatever negative thing you're caught up in.

Being in a negative mood is like being wasted, the stupid things you're doing and thinking makes sense at the time when you're caught up in it but once you're on the other side and sober again you can't even believe the dumb shit your negative mood/mind tricked you into believing.

The best thing you said in this thread was that you were putting a lot of energy into your relationships - good - keep doing that. There's not a single area in your life more important to get handled than your relationships with other people, at least if you intend to be happy.
 

mon_fi

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interesting thougth ... would you realy defend your country? why? just because you were born there? i dont think i would do that ... depends on the attacker and why this would happen.
When I think of the things I would drop everything for, this comes to mind. Or helping my family comes to mind too. Or building a business. But that is it really.
 

mon_fi

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The real issue to me is self-doubt, or a lack of belief in process. The poison of comparison starts to say "This other guy has better funding, or beat you to the market, so you've got no shot" when in reality it doesn't matter if he takes 95% of the market, because 5% could be 10 million dollars. I think millennials tend not to be logical thinkers, there is a preference for fear and/or excuses. I've had to have someone smack me into my senses more than once because of that bad habit.


For sure, same here
 

maverick

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I'm just gonna add that every time you do something for someone else, do it without expecting anything in return. Always.
Every time you start feeling resentful, you did it wrong.
Instead, when you have the urge, do something for yourself and fill the "be nice to myself" tank instead. The energy you spend doing stuff for others and waiting for it to be reciprocated, use it on yourself. The power shifts and the people that are worth keeping will start showing up on their own.

Also I feel the same, and I only found like minded people in here. A lot of us did. Don't even waste time discussing with square heads or trying to change them.

I have way more satisfying, less often interactions over WhatsApp with people from this forum than anyone at work or "acquaintances", excluding my BF and two BFFs, which is the reason they are what they are.
This.

Reach out to people you haven't spoken to in a while. Just ask them how they're doing and remind them of what bonded you (e.g. old work colleagues / friends). Don't expect anything in return. In reflection, it might become obvious that you might not have been the best friend to them.

Also, don't project your reality onto others. Your goals / aspirations / capabilities will differ from your friends. And that's okay.
 

sparechange

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Some of the happiest moments of my life involved being around good people, I do believe the majority on the planet are selfish & evil, but the good ones are out there.. As you progress through life you'll meet some interesting characters.
 

Johnny boy

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There's billions of people in the world.

There's awesome people who will support you and think you're the shit. They'll make life awesome

There's terrible people who will backstab you, make you feel like crap, and tell you that you suck. They'll make life a little worse.

Intentionally replace every shitty person with awesome people and have high standards for who you associate with.

When I was about 18 I just decided that every time I came across someone who didn't like me, didn't believe in what I believed for myself, or didn't support me, they were dead to me.

I only associated with people who were going to be absolutely on my side. It was that way with friends, girls, customers and employees.

Get used to the word "next". I say it internally every time I see too much negative behavior from someone.

There's awesome people out there, don't do THEM a disservice by letting shitty people take up a space in your life that could be filled by someone better. You are actively denying a great girlfriend by accepting a bitchy girlfriend. You are actively denying a great friend by accepting a friend who disrespects you. You are actively denying a great customer by appeasing a Karen. You are actively denying a great employee by letting the shit employees stay at your company.

It isn't easy. You'll come to expect that many people you meet will be "nexted". But it's worth it I promise you. Start going through life saying "are these people good enough for me?" and be willing to replace them.

I've replaced countless friends, girls, customers and employees because I KNOW that there's awesome ones out there just waiting to meet me, and I'm going to find them. It's my belief that for my business, there's hundreds of thousands of people who would make great customers and would fit our business, and there's thousands of people who would make great employees. Now I just have to go get all of them and bring them in.

Most people do sleepwalk through life, there's still people who don't. You are not alone. You're just thinking that you should pick your friends by whoever is closest to you. Just meet more people and get used to rejecting friendships and relationships that aren't helping you succeed.
 

Kevin88660

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Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?
Find some ambitious people with the right mindset.

There was a silicon valley documentary about poor young men sleeping on the floor every night while building their business. They promised each other that if anyone of them made it they will come back and help each other.

That is kind of friends I want to have.
 

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thechosen1

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Sounds lewd.
Whilst fvuking friends may be ok in your book, I'd strongly advise against doing that to the dog.

I sense a fastlane opportunity somewhere here... What was the old one called? Youtube, but with zoo, maybe?

Yikes. The things kids joke about in middle school. South Park is too accurate, all my friends were horrible at those ages.
 

EN_VY

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I don't expect anything from anyone, and when I do things for others, it's because I want to. I don't expect anything in return. With that said, my circle is tiny.
 

Roark666

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I'm just gonna add that every time you do something for someone else, do it without expecting anything in return. Always.
Every time you start feeling resentful, you did it wrong.
Instead, when you have the urge, do something for yourself and fill the "be nice to myself" tank instead. The energy you spend doing stuff for others and waiting for it to be reciprocated, use it on yourself. The power shifts and the people that are worth keeping will start showing up on their own.

Also I feel the same, and I only found like minded people in here. A lot of us did. Don't even waste time discussing with square heads or trying to change them.

I have way more satisfying, less often interactions over WhatsApp with people from this forum than anyone at work or "acquaintances", excluding my BF and two BFFs, which is the reason they are what they are.
Mind inviting me to the what's app group? Been looking for something like that
 

Tourmaline

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The rich rarely are made alone.
 

cryptocasper

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Everyone of us has such hard times or it happens sometimes you loose much time and effort in friends who are here just to stop you from reaching goals.

Some "friends" have negativity and talking more to them etc it makes you same some others are jealous in others etc but of course there are good friends also not all people are bad, so remember the quote "If you fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" every one of us will have such times as you now but you have to apply experience and specific filters and you will know them earlier before they have impact in your life/work balance.

Sometimes all of us need to analyze what we did in a recent period and maybe considering re-format of ours self like computer so you start to speak less and care less for people which don't deserve!
 

SteveO

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Of all the people that responded to this post, you only liked/ thanked one person. I wonder if you did not like anyone else's input or simply did not appreciate it.
 

S.Y.

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Of all the people that responded to this post, you only liked/ thanked one person. I wonder if you did not like anyone else's input or simply did not appreciate it.
"One who seeks friendship for favourable occasions, strips it of all its nobility"
Seneca
--

Some people just want to rant... They want to complain. And they don't want to be accountable nor take ownership.

Which is unfortunate.

To OP, there are many good replies. And I will take a different angle and add this: get over yourself and your ego.

Give without expecting something in return.

I don't see friendships as doing something with the expectations of getting something equal in return.

Some of my friends are lazy as f*ck. But when we get together, it is always full of laughter. And is a very good time.

We don't talk all the time. But when it comes to the important moments - good and bad - they are here. And that matters a lot to me.

Would I drop them because they are lazy?

Hell no.

In terms of efforts, I probably put more to reach out and see how they are doing. But I don't even think about it.

Am I mad or sad that I put more effort? No. I take ownership of my relationships.

Go and build a strong key circle, 5 people that you will be in touch with daily, that share your values.

Don't go building "friendships" expecting equal effort back. That is not a friendship at all. That's debt.

For all those other people that don't matter, don't spend time thinking about them.

--
"It is silly to try to escape other people's faults. Just try and escape your one." - Marcus Aurelius
 
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Ing

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I have 2 friends Outside my family.
I can phone them any tome for anything.
The can phone my any time for anything.
I couldn’t make a business with them, but a bank robbery when necessary.
Thats a treasure!

Other friends you can make many things with and businesses and so on.
But most you only can ignore.
 

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