Down on my thoughts

[Castillo]

I need some help guys.. My life goes from wanting to go for it, to the place I'm in now. I will go on weeks or months of being positive and stopping myself from stuff but I need some more help.

I have issues with gambling, gaming, and generally wasting my time.

I don't want to. I delete all poker games off my computer, i delete my other games, but nothing seems to stick.

I always start again when something goes wrong. Gaming/gambling have been the two things that seem to de-stress myself. I haven't found something else that does this for me and it feels like I always come back to it.

I'm so proud of myself when I stop, but then I come back to it again and again. I don't gamble too often, and I probably spend more on games than I do on gambling.

The money isn't affecting me in a super negative way but either way it's a waste of cash.

I don't know how to stop myself from it. From what I've read is it's more than just stopping and willpower, but what can I do?

I'd really like your guys thoughts, even if they're blunt.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

Is it an addiction?

Are you an addict?

Serious question.

 

[David Kotevski]

I need some help guys.. My life goes from wanting to go for it, to the place I'm in now. I will go on weeks or months of being positive and stopping myself from stuff but I need some more help.

I have issues with gambling, gaming, and generally wasting my time.

I don't want to. I delete all poker games off my computer, i delete my other games, but nothing seems to stick.

I always start again when something goes wrong. Gaming/gambling have been the two things that seem to de-stress myself. I haven't found something else that does this for me and it feels like I always come back to it.

I'm so proud of myself when I stop, but then I come back to it again and again. I don't gamble too often, and I probably spend more on games than I do on gambling.

The money isn't affecting me in a super negative way but either way it's a waste of cash.

I don't know how to stop myself from it. From what I've read is it's more than just stopping and willpower, but what can I do?

I'd really like your guys thoughts, even if they're blunt.

I'm in the exact position as yourself, but when I'm at a low I get wreckless and my gambling habits really affect my financial situation at times greatly making me feel even more worse until i find my spark again.

But once I start going for it again and get comfortable I start putting more unrealistic goals out there and if nothing works to my plan I always get really down and the cycle repeats again.

I'm glad someone else is experiencing the problems I'm facing and feel like I'm at a turning point in my life and ready to change for the better.

 

[Castillo]

Is it an addiction?

Are you an addict?

Serious question.

Yes.

 

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[Waspy]

It's normal for people with addictions need help, have either of your sought some in your local areas?

 

[Castillo]

It's normal for people with addictions need help, have either of your sought some in your local areas?

Help for gaming though? Gaming is the big problem I'd say.. Sounds stupid to go to addictions counselling for gaming

 

[David Kotevski]

Help for gaming though? Gaming is the big problem I'd say.. Sounds stupid to go to addictions counselling for gaming

I don't think it's stupid and something I'll look into myself, always good to have a person with experience to speak to when you feel that your voice in your head is taking over to talk to.

 

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[Waspy]

Help for gaming though? Gaming is the big problem I'd say.. Sounds stupid to go to addictions counselling for gaming

I was more referring to the gambling as that has more obvious serious implications if left unchecked.

However I don't see why it would be stupid. An addiction is an addiction.

I'm a stranger on the internet, so use your own judgement when listening to me, but cant you just throw all your games away/give them to an understanding friend until you achieve your goal? Even if it's Steam or something similar, get a trust friend to change all your passwords?

 

[Castillo]

I was more referring to the gambling as that has more obvious serious implications if left unchecked.

However I don't see why it would be stupid. An addiction is an addiction.

I'm a stranger on the internet, so use your own judgement when listening to me, but cant you just throw all your games away/give them to an understanding friend until you achieve your goal? Even if it's Steam or something similar, get a trust friend to change all your passwords?

Haha I've tried that man. Sold my computer, sold my video card, gave passwords away, create new accounts, I always find a way when I get that urge. Literally like a crackhead stealing shit to get heroin but instead I spend my own money to do what it takes to get it back.

 

[Castillo]

I've always tried to find a way to turn this love for gaming to a way of making money, but I don't even think it's that I like the games honestly, it's just a de-stresser

 

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[thinkandgrowrich]

Once you have a purpose and an intense burning desire to fulfill or achieve that purpose, 99% of things out there will seem trivial and as a waste of time.

However, sometimes you will slip up and catch yourself wasting time, it happens to everybody and to the best of us. Don't beat yourself up, just keep moving forward. Negative thoughts serve no purpose, they do nothing but exacerbate negative situations.

Work on disciplining yourself in all areas of your life. Just try your best, perfection is unattainable. Eat healthy, exercise, meditate, read , etc. Improving in one area of life always has a domino affect that leads to other areas of your life improving.

Life is short and the end result of life is the same for everybody. All you really have is how you decide to spend your time leading up to that point.

Good luck man you got this, having the self awareness to recognize a problem in your life is a positive sign in itself.

 

[Kingmaker]

 

[MidwestLandlord]

Yes.

No shame in that. Thanks for answering.

1) Read this book : https://www.amazon.com/dp/0091917034/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
and this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
Yes, I know it's about smoking, but the PROCESS is the same. Just substitute the word smoking with gaming or whatever.

2) Follow what the smoking book says. It's been a long time since I read it, so I can't remember what all it says verbatim. However, the gist of the book is that you need to change your internal language. In other words, you are not "a gamer" you are "a person that plays games"
It seems subtle at first, but it isn't. The first part of changing the PROCESS of addiction is changing the language you use in your mind.

3) The power of habit book:
An addiction that is not chemically based is basically a habit on steroids. Your brain craves the dopamine (and other feel good chemicals) that gaming and gambling gives you. So the idea is to change the PROCESS of addiction, by substituting it with something that gives you that dopamine hit.

A habit or addiction looks like this: CUE, ROUTINE, REWARD. It is literally just a PROCESS your brain has developed. You can interrupt that PROCESS at any point.

CUE: What is the cue for gaming? What causes your brain to crave it? Boredom? Stress? Loneliness? Anxiety? Identify the cue(s) and BE HONEST. You can interrupt the PROCESS of habit here by fixing the underlying issue. Not easy obviously, but can be done.

ROUTINE: This is the gaming part. Your brain sends a cue, you follow the script and start the routine/process (our brains are assholes). This is where you change the PROCESS or routine, and start to retrain your brain to follow a different programming script. Learn to recognize the cue, then consciously follow a new routine. You want to pick something that gives feel good chemicals. Your brain likes those a whole lot. I recommend push-ups. When you feel the cue, do 5 push-ups. Still feel it? Do 5 more. Repeat until the cue goes away.

REWARD: This is the dopamine hit that escapism gives you. The temporary disconnect from the original cue (stress, loneliness, whatever)
You can interrupt the reward part of the habit PROCESS by giving yourself a different reward. In my push-up example, you get feel good chemicals to the brain through the physical exertion. (this is why runners can get addicted to running too) The trick is to give your body a HEALTHY reward, like in my push-up example. People that quit smoking get fat because they like to substitute sugary foods when they get the cue. (plus nicotine is an appetite suppressor)

So currently you have: Stress (cue) = Gaming (routine) = Escape from life (reward)

Change that to: Stress (cue) = Push-ups (routine) = Dopamine (reward)

The easiest place to start is by identifying the cue. Then interrupt the routine. After you have built new habits, you can go after whatever causes the cue to begin with. But be honest with what the cue is!

See?

I've kicked some serious addictions this way, including gaming. Changing addiction habits is difficult, you'll slip up. But this gives you a place to start.

I spent a lot of time typing this, so I hope you take it seriously. Happy to help though, I've been there. Let me know if I can help with this more.

 

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[Castillo]

No shame in that. Thanks for answering.

1) Read this book : https://www.amazon.com/dp/0091917034/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
and this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
Yes, I know it's about smoking, but the PROCESS is the same. Just substitute the word smoking with gaming or whatever.

2) Follow what the smoking book says. It's been a long time since I read it, so I can't remember what all it says verbatim. However, the gist of the book is that you need to change your internal language. In other words, you are not "a gamer" you are "a person that plays games"
It seems subtle at first, but it isn't. The first part of changing the PROCESS of addiction is changing the language you use in your mind.

3) The power of habit book:
An addiction that is not chemically based is basically a habit on steroids. Your brain craves the dopamine (and other feel good chemicals) that gaming and gambling gives you. So the idea is to change the PROCESS of addiction, by substituting it with something that gives you that dopamine hit.

A habit or addiction looks like this: CUE, ROUTINE, REWARD. It is literally just a PROCESS your brain has developed. You can interrupt that PROCESS at any point.

CUE: What is the cue for gaming? What causes your brain to crave it? Boredom? Stress? Loneliness? Anxiety? Identify the cue(s) and BE HONEST. You can interrupt the PROCESS of habit here by fixing the underlying issue. Not easy obviously, but can be done.

ROUTINE: This is the gaming part. Your brain sends a cue, you follow the script and start the routine/process (our brains are assholes). This is where you change the PROCESS or routine, and start to retrain your brain to follow a different programming script. Learn to recognize the cue, then consciously follow a new routine. You want to pick something that gives feel good chemicals. Your brain likes those a whole lot. I recommend push-ups. When you feel the cue, do 5 push-ups. Still feel it? Do 5 more. Repeat until the cue goes away.

REWARD: This is the dopamine hit that escapism gives you. The temporary disconnect from the original cue (stress, loneliness, whatever)
You can interrupt the reward part of the habit PROCESS by giving yourself a different reward. In my push-up example, you get feel good chemicals to the brain through the physical exertion. (this is why runners can get addicted to running too) The trick is to give your body a HEALTHY reward, like in my push-up example. People that quit smoking get fat because they like to substitute sugary foods when they get the cue. (plus nicotine is an appetite suppressor)

So currently you have: Stress (cue) = Gaming (routine) = Escape from life (reward)

Change that to: Stress (cue) = Push-ups (routine) = Dopamine (reward)

The easiest place to start is by identifying the cue. Then interrupt the routine. After you have built new habits, you can go after whatever causes the cue to begin with. But be honest with what the cue is!

See?

I've kicked some serious addictions this way, including gaming. Changing addiction habits is difficult, you'll slip up. But this gives you a place to start.

I spent a lot of time typing this, so I hope you take it seriously. Happy to help though, I've been there. Let me know if I can help with this more.

This deserves to be noted. Thank you for the time it took you to type this. I definitely needed to understand how they work. To me, I thought addictions were just something you liked to do. Do you mind if I PM You?

 

[MidwestLandlord]

Help for gaming though? Gaming is the big problem I'd say.. Sounds stupid to go to addictions counselling for gaming

Not stupid AT ALL.

THERE IS NO SHAME GETTING HELP.

(I'm done yelling now haha)

Do you mind if I PM You?

Sure.

 

[Waspy]

An addiction that is not chemically based is basically a habit on steroids. Your brain craves the dopamine (and other feel good chemicals) that gaming and gambling gives you. So the idea is to change the PROCESS of addiction, by substituting it with something that gives you that dopamine hit.

The whole post was incredible.

However this paragraph reminded me of a study I saw online a while back. Dopamine is actually released whenever we complete a task. The task can be big, or small, as long as we complete it. Therefore your body literally rewards you for doing shit!

And with that in mind would like to direct you to this thread: https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...th-the-system-legendary-fastlaners-use.67028/

Setting SMALL goals will give you the dopamine hit you need, AND move your business idea forward.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

but cant you just throw all your games away/give them to an understanding friend until you achieve your goal? Even if it's Steam or something similar, get a trust friend to change all your passwords?

This only works if it's just a bad habit and not a full on addiction. That's why I asked him if he was addicted.

Our brains can be real assholes sometimes, and if you don't interrupt the process and substitute the reward, it's not going to work.

It's not an addiction to gaming, it's an addiction to feel good chemicals. The brain will seek out the surest way it knows to get those chemicals.

 

[Almantas]

My mother's friend has a gaming addiction. He's 43, quit a well-paying job 3 years ago in order to have more time for online games. In those 3 years he gained like 50 kilograms, lost self-confidence and any desire to become something in this life. He's now playing like 15h a day, with the blinds always closed and room dirty as hell, because he has no time to clean around as he's too busy playing games and my mother always cleans around the place when she comes back home from a FT job....

The reason why I shared this story is because this is a real-life example that gaming addiction is a serious issue. It will eat you alive and you will become nothing but a carcass who lives on the other side of the screen.

Look for psychiatric assistance and change your habits now.

 

[Castillo]

My mother's friend has a game addiction. He's 43, quit a well-paying job 3 years ago in order to have more time for online games. In those 3 years he gained like 50 kilograms, lost self-confidence and any desire to become something in this life. He's now playing like 15h a day, with the blinds always closed and room dirty as hell, because he has no time to clean around as he's too busy playing games and my mother has to always clean around him when she comes back from a FT job....

The reason why I shared this story is because this is a real-life example that gaming addiction is a serious issue. It will eat you alive and you will become nothing but a carcass who lives on the other side of the screen.

Look for psychiatric assistance and change your habits now.

I know what this is like. I have a close relative who is the same way. He's been gaming since forever and there was one game that I showed him when I was young that he's completely stuck to now. His place is always a mess, he's always in pain, and he is constantly depressed. I don't want to get there when I grow up which makes me so sad to see his life like that, and it's probably kind of what I saw growing up that contributed to me being the way I am now. It sucks because I can have days where I'm feeling on top of the world, not caring about gaming, but every month or so it comes back.. And I "relapse" and start gaming when things get down. Once I start, it doesn't end until I feel the way I do now, rinse, and repeat.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

The whole post was incredible.

However this paragraph reminded me of a study I saw online a while back. Dopamine is actually released whenever we complete a task. The task can be big, or small, as long as we complete it. Therefore your body literally rewards you for doing shit!

And with that in mind would like to direct you to this thread: https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...th-the-system-legendary-fastlaners-use.67028/

Setting SMALL goals will give you the dopamine hit you need, AND move your business idea forward.

EXACTLY.

And strength training is a sure-fire way to release the feel good cocktail of dopamine, etc.

I think a lot of the mindset issues we see on this forum (myself included) are actually at least partly based on this feel good cocktail, and the brain's uncertainty that it will get it's "fix"

 

[MidwestLandlord]

My mother's friend has a game addiction. He's 43, quit a well-paying job 3 years ago in order to have more time for online games. In those 3 years he gained like 50 kilograms, lost self-confidence and any desire to become something in this life. He's now playing like 15h a day, with the blinds always closed and room dirty as hell, because he has no time to clean around as he's too busy playing games and my mother always cleans around the place when she comes back home from a FT job....

The reason why I shared this story is because this is a real-life example that gaming addiction is a serious issue. It will eat you alive and you will become nothing but a carcass who lives on the other side of the screen.

Look for psychiatric assistance and change your habits now.

It is serious. That's why I was all over this thread like a white girl on a pumpkin spice latte. I've BEEN there, and think I can provide OP with some value from my experiences.

Lot's of guys get down on themselves with addictions like this, because it's "just gaming"

I used to talk to guys in my church about porn addiction. Been there, done that too with porn addiction. Heard that all the time, "it's just porn"

It's not "just" anything. It's his life, and it matters.

Thanks for sharing this story @Almantas

 

[Ika]

First of all, thank you for your honesty and courage to talk so openly about it.
Yet we are no doctors and can only talk from personal experience. Please see a professional - maybe just to discuss given thoughts on this problem

[Really great help]

CUE: What is the cue for gaming? What causes your brain to crave it? Boredom? Stress? Loneliness? Anxiety? Identify the cue(s) and BE HONEST. You can interrupt the PROCESS of habit here by fixing the underlying issue. Not easy obviously, but can be done.

[Even more valuable tips]

You offered some great advice there. I can only +1 that, I am going through some really bad habits and came up with a similar process.
I want to give some help on finding your cue though.
Take time off. 2h, 4h or how much time you need. Eliminate all distractions to have room for your thoughts. I did this on a trainride.
Ask yourself, why are you gaming?
In gaming and consuming media it is sometimes quite obvious.
For example vlogs of a group of friends or a social Role Play Game -> Loneliness
Or Adventure videos and exploring in games -> Boring Life
This consuming enables a fake process or just the event, the outcome.

That part can really suck. But honesty with yourself is important. I can recommend scribbling down your thoughts on a piece of paper to order your mind.
It is not fun to really acknowledge "hey, my life is boring". But for me it was necessary.

That is why you should definetly do something you love after that thought process. Reward yourself for overcoming that mental barrier.


And now find something positive that triggers the same emotion/desire.
For me, I'm trying to meditate/calm down when I want to consume. Both relieve stress which is my cue.

"Never do it twice in a row" May help you with keeping up - If you miss it once, do everything possible to not miss it twice.


What helps me the most is a great process in business. If you enjoy what you are working on, and there is enough work to do, I experienced that I don't need to consume in the moment because producing makes me happier.

That beeing said, best of luck.

 

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[Ika]

[Double Post because of a problem with my internet connection]

 

[flyingJean]

Can you find counselling in your local church? God can help you fight addiction. Trust him, and he will do things amazing.

 

[Castillo]

Can you find counselling in your local church? God can help you fight addiction. Trust him, and he will do things amazing.

I appreciate the kind words, but I'm not Christian. I am definitely looking at counselling in my nearby areas.

 

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[Castillo]

First of all, thank you for your honesty and courage to talk so openly about it.
Yet we are no doctors and can only talk from personal experience. Please see a professional - maybe just to discuss given thoughts on this problem


You offered some great advice there. I can only +1 that, I am going through some really bad habits and came up with a similar process.
I want to give some help on finding your cue though.
Take time off. 2h, 4h or how much time you need. Eliminate all distractions to have room for your thoughts. I did this on a trainride.
Ask yourself, why are you gaming?
In gaming and consuming media it is sometimes quite obvious.
For example vlogs of a group of friends or a social Role Play Game -> Loneliness
Or Adventure videos and exploring in games -> Boring Life
This consuming enables a fake process or just the event, the outcome.

That part can really suck. But honesty with yourself is important. I can recommend scribbling down your thoughts on a piece of paper to order your mind.
It is not fun to really acknowledge "hey, my life is boring". But for me it was necessary.

That is why you should definetly do something you love after that thought process. Reward yourself for overcoming that mental barrier.


And now find something positive that triggers the same emotion/desire.
For me, I'm trying to meditate/calm down when I want to consume. Both relieve stress which is my cue.

"Never do it twice in a row" May help you with keeping up - If you miss it once, do everything possible to not miss it twice.


What helps me the most is a great process in business. If you enjoy what you are working on, and there is enough work to do, I experienced that I don't need to consume in the moment because producing makes me happier.

That beeing said, best of luck.

This is a great idea. I have acknowledged that my life definitely is boring and I don't have much for passions, or things that I'd like to do. It's definitely something that I need to find again.

I need to find something to care about.

 

[flyingJean]

I appreciate the kind words, but I'm not Christian. I am definitely looking at counselling in my nearby areas.

Well...it doesn't matter. If the counselling you find works that's fine, if not, you could try to get help from church. You don't have to be a Christian. Many people returned to God when they experienced troubles that they could not solve.

 

[MyRoadTo7]

I need some help guys.. My life goes from wanting to go for it, to the place I'm in now. I will go on weeks or months of being positive and stopping myself from stuff but I need some more help.

I have issues with gambling, gaming, and generally wasting my time.

I don't want to. I delete all poker games off my computer, i delete my other games, but nothing seems to stick.

I always start again when something goes wrong. Gaming/gambling have been the two things that seem to de-stress myself. I haven't found something else that does this for me and it feels like I always come back to it.

I'm so proud of myself when I stop, but then I come back to it again and again. I don't gamble too often, and I probably spend more on games than I do on gambling.

The money isn't affecting me in a super negative way but either way it's a waste of cash.

I don't know how to stop myself from it. From what I've read is it's more than just stopping and willpower, but what can I do?

I'd really like your guys thoughts, even if they're blunt.

Did you know most of the most successful people were addicts of some sort? Most super successful people had sex addictions. I never actually came out and said it, but I feel like I too was a sex addict. Newly self made billionaire, Grant Cardone was addicted to drugs up until he was like 25. True story. He had a book out now called Be Obsessed or Be Average. I've read it, and in it he suggests that you don't get rid of your addictions. Just change them. Find a way to become obsessed with something different. It worked for me, I became obsessed with my success. Also, make it a priority to find at least two people that you can converse with that have the lifestyle you want to have. When you see their days filled with productivity, it will either compel you to step your game up OR start lying about your "super productive days."

Be honest with yourself though. Do you really want success or do you want to keep saying you want success?? Bone up, and hold yourself accountable or just admit that you're bs'n about becoming successful. You don't want to end up 80 years old and your list of regrets outweighs your list of accomplishments.

Link up with me on social media. I'd like to be your accountability partner. I'm on all platforms as @MyRoadTo7 Lets dominate 2017!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

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[Castillo]

Did you know most of the most successful people were addicts of some sort? Most super successful people had sex addictions. I never actually came out and said it, but I feel like I too was a sex addict. Newly self made billionaire, Grant Cardone was addicted to drugs up until he was like 25. True story. He had a book out now called Be Obsessed or Be Average. I've read it, and in it he suggests that you don't get rid of your addictions. Just change them. Find a way to become obsessed with something different. It worked for me, I became obsessed with my success. Also, make it a priority to find at least two people that you can converse with that have the lifestyle you want to have. When you see their days filled with productivity, it will either compel you to step your game up OR start lying about your "super productive days."

Be honest with yourself though. Do you really want success or do you want to keep saying you want success?? Bone up, and hold yourself accountable or just admit that you're bs'n about becoming successful. You don't want to end up 80 years old and your list of regrets outweighs your list of accomplishments.

Link up with me on social media. I'd like to be your accountability partner. I'm on all platforms as @MyRoadTo7 Lets dominate 2017!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm only on Facebook and LinkedIn. PM me your profile on both. Thanks for the insight also man. I've always wanted that. It seems like I'm addicted to the dopamine high whether it's gaming, weed, gambling, whatever. If I can get that dopamine high from successful habits rather than shitty ones, that would change everything.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

 

[MyRoadTo7]

I'm only on Facebook and LinkedIn. PM me your profile on both. Thanks for the insight also man. I've always wanted that. It seems like I'm addicted to the dopamine high whether it's gaming, weed, gambling, whatever. If I can get that dopamine high from successful habits rather than shitty ones, that would change everything.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

Sent! [emoji119]


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