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Don't tell me what to do

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SteveO

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This got me into a lot of trouble early in life. At least it seemed to.

I had a troubled childhood with my family subsisting on welfare, an extremely mentally ill mother, and a father that was not around.

Most people have the ability to defend themselves with words. I was not able to. There was always a feeling inside me that led me to defend myself with lashing out. This frequently led to verbal outbursts or violence.

I had a lot of insecurities and felt "less than" most of those around me.

I did have a lot of things going for me in that I was a star cross country and track runner. I also found school to be too easy.

I managed to find a way to get booted from school and sports. Yell at teachers, get in fights, and skip school. Did not even have enough units to get through tenth grade.

My father signed for me to enlist in the Marines at the age of 17. That was short-lived as well with insubordination and more fights.

Interaction with people was very hard. I could not even call people on the phone at this time unless I knew them. I would have friends (the few that I had) call to inquire about car parts, jobs ads, or anything that required discussion.

I found a landscaping job at the age of 18. The owner of the company was only 20. He was a real go-getter. I blossomed under him. He allowed me to work my a$$ off for 14 hours a day. I became the crew leader. I began to come out of my shell and worked with the customers on a limited level.

I went to work for another service company that required some sales and a lot of customer interaction. Feedback to the company about my performance was positive which gave me more confidence.

My life was feeling better but I still could not manage being told what to do. Instant barricades would go up. It felt like I was slamming into walls all the time.

I went to work for a large company and had great success. I climbed the technical side for a number of years before going into management. Still clashing with superiors along the way.

One day it dawned on me... I don't have to do what people tell me. I quit my promising career and went out on my own. Relief never felt so great as that day.

That was 17 years ago.
 

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startinup

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Thanks for the post, Steve!

Your feelings really resonate with me. I don't know why, but I can't stand people telling me what to do. Even if it's lovingly, it can sometimes really rub me the wrong way. You said that it helped to realize that you had the final decision.

I do feel like that helps. My problem is, the cynic in me feels like that person is saying they're superior to me. Like they can just order me around so simply.

Have you felt this way before? Any thoughts about how to fix this negative mindset?

---

I was back and forth between making this a public post or a PM, because this is really a deep feeling that I don't like. But hey, if someone else feels like me and gets something from this, then it's worth it.
 

Raoul Duke

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This got me into a lot of trouble early in life. At least it seemed to.

I had a troubled childhood with my family subsisting on welfare, an extremely mentally ill mother, and a father that was not around.

Most people have the ability to defend themselves with words. I was not able to. There was always a feeling inside me that led me to defend myself with lashing out. This frequently led to verbal outbursts or violence.

I had a lot of insecurities and felt "less than" most of those around me.

I did have a lot of things going for me in that I was a star cross country and track runner. I also found school to be too easy.

I managed to find a way to get booted from school and sports. Yell at teachers, get in fights, and skip school. Did not even have enough units to get through tenth grade.

My father signed for me to enlist in the Marines at the age of 17. That was short-lived as well with insubordination and more fights.

Interaction with people was very hard. I could not even call people on the phone at this time unless I knew them. I would have friends (the few that I had) call to inquire about car parts, jobs ads, or anything that required discussion.

I found a landscaping job at the age of 18. The owner of the company was only 20. He was a real go-getter. I blossomed under him. He allowed me to work my a$$ off for 14 hours a day. I became the crew leader. I began to come out of my shell and worked with the customers on a limited level.

I went to work for another service company that required some sales and a lot of customer interaction. Feedback to the company about my performance was positive which gave me more confidence.

My life was feeling better but I still could not manage being told what to do. Instant barricades would go up. It felt like I was slamming into walls all the time.

I went to work for a large company and had great success. I climbed the technical side for a number of years before going into management. Still clashing with superiors along the way.

One day it dawned on me... I don't have to do what people tell me. I quit my promising career and went out on my own. Relief never felt so great as that day.

That was 17 years ago.

 

SteveO

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I do feel like that helps. My problem is, the cynic in me feels like that person is saying they're superior to me. Like they can just order me around so simply.

Have you felt this way before? Any thoughts about how to fix this negative mindset?
See this post: Inferior or Superior to others?

One important part of the post is that it was never stated that I was right or doing the right thing. The bottom line was that I felt troubled by the issues but in the long term, there was a solution.

To answer your question though, the other person probably does feel that they are superior to you and can order you around. I would suggest reading the book "The power of now". It would help you with the mindset.

Sometimes you are in a position where you have to suck it up. I did not like it and had trouble with it for a long time. The solution for me was to get my business going.
 

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