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Death of Loved Ones

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
Have you ever literally been on holiday just stepped off the plane your mom calls (to us whom are sometimes in contact with our parents lol) you can hear in your own mind "Great timing Mom", you go about have your fun, adventure day. You decide to try out couchsurfing (google) sometimes they give you the whole house, or your own room and bath..before airbnb. :) I think I try different, unusual things for the experiences. This beautiful, magical breathtaking day I happened to try couchsurfing on a small boat sitting off the harbor of Kauai, Hawaii in a small town called Hanalei (I have too many favorite places in Kauai but that is one of them).

That morning, I got the call two days on Island, My mom again, "Tammy your father passed this morning", All I know must have been meant that I was on that magical island, one of the most beautiful places in the world looking over the lapis sea of color processing the words that were being spoken on the other line. While staring at the intense, breathtaking, extraordinary mountains to my left. Trying to hold back tears of sadness, trying to breath and remember I am in a beautiful place and be happy. Stay positive I have to call my son and give him the same information I received I must be strong for my son. Breath Tammy, look at the Magical, amazing mountains stay focused.

I chose to stay on island, It was the second day of my three month job taking care of vacation rental property. I was the host to a unit four vacation rental property. It had it's challenges, and it had it's fun I was invited to "Tod Rundgren's" home, facinating place (Yes, I had to google the name as well, and I learned I did know his music) lol home for one of his friend's birthday party put on by his wife. He was touring so they say. The island had it's rewards, I hiked a lot, swam a lot, I know where all the hidden gems are but I was still grieving on the inside, extreme sadness, feeling of guilt (telling myself I should have been there at the funeral etc, the things our minds to do ourselves) feeling torn. Until one (naturally the grieving was still there a bit longer but not as heavy and the guilt disappeared almost immediate.) sunny, rainy day, I remembered this amazing, spectacular Hindu Temple that a lot of people do not even know exist Kadavul Hindu Temple, acres of forest and land.

Remembering it is only open to the public once I week I decided to take a drive over there, possibly the place might make me a bit relaxed with their beautiful landscape.

I drove there just in time to see that it closes at noon which I soon looked at my watch and saw it was five after twelve. Yes, to my unimaginable mind, I could not believe that the gates were locked and I missed it by five minutes, I was pissed for a minute or two and then I think I even had the inkling to climb the small gate, but then these thoughts came flashing through that I would be caught or otherwise, so I decided against it as fast as I got the thought, but then I do remember from being here two years before that the monks owned a lot of land and there was a back entrance (see thinking outside the box, I was determined to heal). ;) I drove to the back entrance among the Rudraksha Trees with the coolish blue fruit.

I parked my silver, four door, and went for a walk the first thing I saw after the Rudraksha Trees was a small chain fence with a small sign in the middle saying "no trespassing" I thought Oh dam, but I did realize as I walked down lower the chain stopped and there was no sign. To my amazement there was a walking path, I decided to walk the path..right to the back of the Monastery's acreage, and boy was it unbelievably breathtaking, it started to down pour a bit, not unusual for Kauai, naturally I left my umbrella in the car through all this sudden decision making.

I got as far as seeing the "New Temple" (I was so curious if it was finished being built the story goes the monks were having everything made by hand and shipped I believe it was Vietnam, could be Thailand. The main point being done the old fashion way, by hand the whole design process I found "architecturally stimulating". I saw so many beautiful flowers, and statues, walking paths, streams etc. etc, I thought I died and gone to heaven (cute figure of speech). I did not dare go see the temple though, even though I really wanted to see if it was completed, then out of no where right after the rain stopped here comes a monk (I think he was one of the superior monks) from a photo I have seen before), He was on a golf cart, heading my way. I thought once again should I hide before he visually makes contact I decided to stand my ground sort of speak and he passed me and stopped his golf cart looked at me intensely, like almost looking through me, he smiled and said, "I see the rain didn't get you too much" I said "No, not too much" he said "did you see that great meditation place over there and he points to a location, I just walked passed but it was farther to my right and I would not have known it was there unless it was pointed out or I went off the walking path and I said "No, I did not" He recommended I go there to mediate, and he also asked if I went to the Temple, I said once again "No, I did not know if I as allowed" He said (So Classic) "I will not tell if you don't tell", Wow, I thought what a cool experience, I am so glad he was so kind, friendly and nice, I went to the temple, he sped off down the path.

The temple I felt like I am doing something that not many people get to do, I took wonderful photos, I could not believe I had permission to stay as long as I wanted, and to see everything there was to see...It was an incredible experience, Yes, I went to the meditation spot he pointed out, I thought how could I have passed up such an awe breaking spot, I sat there I grieved, I meditated, thought about my Dad and somehow I left something go...the guilt..I realized at the exact spot that I don't have to be in Pennsylvania, Yes, naturally it would be nice to be there with my brothers, cousins, mom etc, family, but that day I realized that I could be anywhere in the world and still love "my dad and honor him" I don't need society tell me how to feel. It's OK, either way and he would have wanted it that way. I think that's why he always thought me the Brave, intelligent, courageous one or am I just thinking of who he was.

I realized that I am so fortunate because the open to the public guests never get taken to the places I was able to see and experience.

I got that phone call yesterday morning, my aunt passed, the last of my mom's siblings, leaving my mom the last one of her family left. My aunt was 85, I again realize I have a choice, I could fly back from Ireland early but what would my aunt want, she had a good, full life, she has her son's there with her, I could tune in and say I could go someplace magical and take her spirit with me on the journey.

There is no right or wrong decision where we are as long as we are Ok, with our decision.

My question, has any one had a similar experience you are on holiday and a loved one or family member passes. Life is short, lets wake up every day and stay focused on creating the life we choose to live we are in charge, through our thoughts, actions etc.

Thanks for reading. Hope you like my story!
 

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ZF Lee

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Thank you for finding the will to share your story with us.

I just had an aunt die in her sixties after a long bout of dementia and paralysis. Maybe having her pass on would give her great relief from her pains, but I'd want her to see me grow up and be a better and more mature person. So her death still hangs over me on some moments in my day.

There is no right or wrong decision where we are as long as we are Ok, with our decision.
Agreed. This also depends on what resources and prior experience we have that may become advantages or otherwise. It is different for everyone.

Life is short, lets wake up every day and stay focused on creating the life we choose to live we are in charge, through our thoughts, actions etc.
Amen to that!:smile2:
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
Thank you for finding the will to share your story with us.

I just had an aunt die in her sixties after a long bout of dementia and paralysis. Maybe having her pass on would give her great relief from her pains, but I'd want her to see me grow up and be a better and more mature person. So her death still hangs over me on some moments in my day.


Agreed. This also depends on what resources and prior experience we have that may become advantages or otherwise. It is different for everyone.


Amen to that!:smile2:
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
grow up and be a better and more mature person. So her death still hangs over me on some moments in my day.

Hi there ZF Lee,
Thanks for your feedback, I was also trying to work on my writing skills :) Going to also write a book! Need my practice.

I am sure you will prove to yourself as well as to your aunt whom I am sure is in peace now :)

She must be super important to you and vise versa, how lucky you are to have had each other.

I believe you have a long road ahead....may your yellow brick road be long and prosperous. I am sure you will prove, don't be so hard on yourself. Remember the good and move forward don't get stuck on the past respect her memory and go forward with gusto.

True, different for everyone!


 

WJK

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
725
1,604
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Nikiski, Alaska
Have you ever literally been on holiday just stepped off the plane your mom calls (to us whom are sometimes in contact with our parents lol) you can hear in your own mind "Great timing Mom", you go about have your fun, adventure day. You decide to try out couchsurfing (google) sometimes they give you the whole house, or your own room and bath..before airbnb. :) I think I try different, unusual things for the experiences. This beautiful, magical breathtaking day I happened to try couchsurfing on a small boat sitting off the harbor of Kauai, Hawaii in a small town called Hanalei (I have too many favorite places in Kauai but that is one of them).

That morning, I got the call two days on Island, My mom again, "Tammy your father passed this morning", All I know must have been meant that I was on that magical island, one of the most beautiful places in the world looking over the lapis sea of color processing the words that were being spoken on the other line. While staring at the intense, breathtaking, extraordinary mountains to my left. Trying to hold back tears of sadness, trying to breath and remember I am in a beautiful place and be happy. Stay positive I have to call my son and give him the same information I received I must be strong for my son. Breath Tammy, look at the Magical, amazing mountains stay focused.

I chose to stay on island, It was the second day of my three month job taking care of vacation rental property. I was the host to a unit four vacation rental property. It had it's challenges, and it had it's fun I was invited to "Tod Rundgren's" home, facinating place (Yes, I had to google the name as well, and I learned I did know his music) lol home for one of his friend's birthday party put on by his wife. He was touring so they say. The island had it's rewards, I hiked a lot, swam a lot, I know where all the hidden gems are but I was still grieving on the inside, extreme sadness, feeling of guilt (telling myself I should have been there at the funeral etc, the things our minds to do ourselves) feeling torn. Until one (naturally the grieving was still there a bit longer but not as heavy and the guilt disappeared almost immediate.) sunny, rainy day, I remembered this amazing, spectacular Hindu Temple that a lot of people do not even know exist Kadavul Hindu Temple, acres of forest and land.

Remembering it is only open to the public once I week I decided to take a drive over there, possibly the place might make me a bit relaxed with their beautiful landscape.

I drove there just in time to see that it closes at noon which I soon looked at my watch and saw it was five after twelve. Yes, to my unimaginable mind, I could not believe that the gates were locked and I missed it by five minutes, I was pissed for a minute or two and then I think I even had the inkling to climb the small gate, but then these thoughts came flashing through that I would be caught or otherwise, so I decided against it as fast as I got the thought, but then I do remember from being here two years before that the monks owned a lot of land and there was a back entrance (see thinking outside the box, I was determined to heal). ;) I drove to the back entrance among the Rudraksha Trees with the coolish blue fruit.

I parked my silver, four door, and went for a walk the first thing I saw after the Rudraksha Trees was a small chain fence with a small sign in the middle saying "no trespassing" I thought Oh dam, but I did realize as I walked down lower the chain stopped and there was no sign. To my amazement there was a walking path, I decided to walk the path..right to the back of the Monastery's acreage, and boy was it unbelievably breathtaking, it started to down pour a bit, not unusual for Kauai, naturally I left my umbrella in the car through all this sudden decision making.

I got as far as seeing the "New Temple" (I was so curious if it was finished being built the story goes the monks were having everything made by hand and shipped I believe it was Vietnam, could be Thailand. The main point being done the old fashion way, by hand the whole design process I found "architecturally stimulating". I saw so many beautiful flowers, and statues, walking paths, streams etc. etc, I thought I died and gone to heaven (cute figure of speech). I did not dare go see the temple though, even though I really wanted to see if it was completed, then out of no where right after the rain stopped here comes a monk (I think he was one of the superior monks) from a photo I have seen before), He was on a golf cart, heading my way. I thought once again should I hide before he visually makes contact I decided to stand my ground sort of speak and he passed me and stopped his golf cart looked at me intensely, like almost looking through me, he smiled and said, "I see the rain didn't get you too much" I said "No, not too much" he said "did you see that great meditation place over there and he points to a location, I just walked passed but it was farther to my right and I would not have known it was there unless it was pointed out or I went off the walking path and I said "No, I did not" He recommended I go there to mediate, and he also asked if I went to the Temple, I said once again "No, I did not know if I as allowed" He said (So Classic) "I will not tell if you don't tell", Wow, I thought what a cool experience, I am so glad he was so kind, friendly and nice, I went to the temple, he sped off down the path.

The temple I felt like I am doing something that not many people get to do, I took wonderful photos, I could not believe I had permission to stay as long as I wanted, and to see everything there was to see...It was an incredible experience, Yes, I went to the meditation spot he pointed out, I thought how could I have passed up such an awe breaking spot, I sat there I grieved, I meditated, thought about my Dad and somehow I left something go...the guilt..I realized at the exact spot that I don't have to be in Pennsylvania, Yes, naturally it would be nice to be there with my brothers, cousins, mom etc, family, but that day I realized that I could be anywhere in the world and still love "my dad and honor him" I don't need society tell me how to feel. It's OK, either way and he would have wanted it that way. I think that's why he always thought me the Brave, intelligent, courageous one or am I just thinking of who he was.

I realized that I am so fortunate because the open to the public guests never get taken to the places I was able to see and experience.

I got that phone call yesterday morning, my aunt passed, the last of my mom's siblings, leaving my mom the last one of her family left. My aunt was 85, I again realize I have a choice, I could fly back from Ireland early but what would my aunt want, she had a good, full life, she has her son's there with her, I could tune in and say I could go someplace magical and take her spirit with me on the journey.

There is no right or wrong decision where we are as long as we are Ok, with our decision.

My question, has any one had a similar experience you are on holiday and a loved one or family member passes. Life is short, lets wake up every day and stay focused on creating the life we choose to live we are in charge, through our thoughts, actions etc.

Thanks for reading. Hope you like my story!
My Dad died this last Tuesday. He was in his late 80s. No, I'm NOT going to go to the memorial service about a week from now. I'd have to fly from my home in Alaska to Missouri, and that a hard, expensive trip for a one hour service. I saw Dad in October for a few days, and we had a good visit. There's nothing more I can do for him. He was in ICU for most of the last month -- a good part of that time in a coma or semi-comma. I'm at peace with my decision to stay home, and that should be enough for everyone.
 
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OP
Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
My
My Dad died this last Tuesday. He was in his late 80s. No, I'm NOT going to go to the memorial service about a week from now. I'd have to fly from my home in Alaska to Missouri, and that a hard, expensive trip for a one hour service. I saw Dad in October for a few days, and we had a good visit. There's nothing more I can do for him. He was in ICU for most of the last month -- a good part of that time in a coma or semi-comma. I'm at peace with my decision to stay home, and that should be enough for everyone.
My condolence, hope he had a nice, full life...I am sure it is...That's great you saw him in October, I think it's better to visit while your both alive if you can that's my thing.

What part of Alaska? I use to visit Alaska numerous times, My last visit was Bethel lol My son would say "my mom is going to bump fk middle of no where" lol I enjoyed it! 5 days... It was a great trip, my first time cross country skiing and my friend and her dog got covered in like 7 dogs from rookies in a dog sled team, I will have to use it as one of the stories for my book. I have a cool story from it, was classic "Wish I had a video", happened right after my friend who lives there kept saying please stop saying we are going to see a dog sled team "we will not"! Great story! Cama-i Dance festival :) was fun!

Have u been to Fur Rondy..I could not believe I saw outdoor carnival rides in the middle of winter...n the ice sculptures are great..Had my first feel of an earth quake in Anchorage back in the 90's even though I never felt on in San Diego, Ca. back then.
 

WJK

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
725
1,604
463
Nikiski, Alaska
My

My condolence, hope he had a nice, full life...I am sure it is...That's great you saw him in October, I think it's better to visit while your both alive if you can that's my thing.

What part of Alaska? I use to visit Alaska numerous times, My last visit was Bethel lol My son would say "my mom is going to bump fk middle of no where" lol I enjoyed it! 5 days... It was a great trip, my first time cross country skiing and my friend and her dog got covered in like 7 dogs from rookies in a dog sled team, I will have to use it as one of the stories for my book. I have a cool story from it, was classic "Wish I had a video", happened right after my friend who lives there kept saying please stop saying we are going to see a dog sled team "we will not"! Great story! Cama-i Dance festival :) was fun!

Have u been to Fur Rondy..I could not believe I saw outdoor carnival rides in the middle of winter...n the ice sculptures are great..Had my first feel of an earth quake in Anchorage back in the 90's even though I never felt on in San Diego, Ca. back then.
I live on the Kenai Peninsula in tiny community called Nikiski. The highway ends about 20 miles north of us in Captain Cook Park.
I lived in LA for 30 years with a high powered career, and I retired here -- I'm not very good at the "retired" part. I'm a multi-business owner.
Yes, we have some great events here and the summers are glorious. I try to cross country ski as often as the weather will let me in the winter. My husband builds me trails through our woods.
You're a writer. I just started a business/real estate blog. I write and do silly cartoon art. Here's a link... I'm getting a progress post ready for the forum. This blog is my new pet project.
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
I live on the Kenai Peninsula in tiny community called Nikiski. The highway ends about 20 miles north of us in Captain Cook Park.
I lived in LA for 30 years with a high powered career, and I retired here -- I'm not very good at the "retired" part. I'm a multi-business owner.
Yes, we have some great events here and the summers are glorious. I try to cross country ski as often as the weather will let me in the winter. My husband builds me trails through our woods.
You're a writer. I just started a business/real estate blog. I write and do silly cartoon art. Here's a link... I'm getting a progress post ready for the forum. This blog is my new pet project.
What made you retire there? Yes, it's similar to a culture shock to move there after LA. I would imagine, that's how it was from my move from London, UK, to Pa. n San Diego, CA.to Albuquerque, NM...takes time to adjust if ever lol
I'll have a look thanks for sharing.
 

WJK

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
725
1,604
463
Nikiski, Alaska
What made you retire there? Yes, it's similar to a culture shock to move there after LA. I would imagine, that's how it was from my move from London, UK, to Pa. n San Diego, CA.to Albuquerque, NM...takes time to adjust if ever lol
I'll have a look thanks for sharing.
I LOVED my career, BUT... my mom was living in my Anchorage home after my parents divorced (married 43 years) and then she had a major stroke. I finally took her to my home in LA, and she went to work with me every day for 1 1/2 years. I was always on the road, so I just kept her with me. She had more strokes. When she got too sick to go on the road, I either had to put her in a care facility or bring her to our home here in Nikiski. I couldn't bear to put her into one of those places, so I gave up my career and we moved here. I thought she would get better. She fell into a heap when we arrived and never got up again. She died that first winter.
I then owned this mobile home park and other properties all my myself. And here I was in rural Alaska -- where I didn't want to be. I'd given up my high-powered career, sold my beautiful townhouse along with everything else, and I was totally alone. I'd been single for 17 years. And that started my story here...
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
I LOVED my career, BUT... my mom was living in my Anchorage home after my parents divorced (married 43 years) and then she had a major stroke. I finally took her to my home in LA, and she went to work with me every day for 1 1/2 years. I was always on the road, so I just kept her with me. She had more strokes. When she got too sick to go on the road, I either had to put her in a care facility or bring her to our home here in Nikiski. I couldn't bear to put her into one of those places, so I gave up my career and we moved here. I thought she would get better. She fell into a heap when we arrived and never got up again. She died that first winter.
I then owned this mobile home park and other properties all my myself. And here I was in rural Alaska -- where I didn't want to be. I'd given up my high-powered career, sold my beautiful townhouse along with everything else, and I was totally alone. I'd been single for 17 years. And that started my story here...
Wow, that is quite a story...you have been through and done amazing defeats and still progress...nice. Thanks for sharing. I am sure now you have a business so going back is a bit daunting I see you embraced the change.
 

WJK

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
725
1,604
463
Nikiski, Alaska
Wow, that is quite a story...you have been through and done amazing defeats and still progress...nice. Thanks for sharing. I am sure now you have a business so going back is a bit daunting I see you embraced the change.
I had 5 deaths in 4 months -- including mom, my only sibling -- my younger brother, and then his wife 2 days later -- So, at the end of that first year here (13 years ago) I married my fishing buddy and settled down. I've increased the income from the mobile home park to 6 times what it was when I arrived. I miss my old life. But, I love my husband and I'm a very big fish in a very small pond here...
 

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Late Bloomer

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I've also visited Hanalei, and I've also received that call that my father had suddenly passed. For me, those two things happened a few years apart. What your father, and your aunt as well, mean to you is for you to decide, not for anyone else to evaluate for you. It sounds like the opportunity to encounter kindness and meditation at the Buddhist center, was just what you needed that hard day. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I'm sorry for your losses. I don't have anything I want to add here today. But I'm glad you invited those who wish to, to share their experiences here as well.
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
I had 5 deaths in 4 months -- including mom, my only sibling -- my younger brother, and then his wife 2 days later -- So, at the end of that first year here (13 years ago) I married my fishing buddy and settled down. I've increased the income from the mobile home park to 6 times what it was when I arrived. I miss my old life. But, I love my husband and I'm a very big fish in a very small pond here...
Wow, what a story...sad for your losses...but I see you gained and put that energy into an increase 6 times...that's great! Your husband must be a great catch :)
When I do return to Alaska to visit I will be in touch! Still want to do the Small boat out of Juneau the inward passage have not done...Wrangler etc seems like a great adventure. Congrats to your defeats and perseverance.
 
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Tammyanne

Tammyanne

Contributor
Jun 18, 2017
56
21
25
San Diego, CA
I've also visited Hanalei, and I've also received that call that my father had suddenly passed. For me, those two things happened a few years apart. What your father, and your aunt as well, mean to you is for you to decide, not for anyone else to evaluate for you. It sounds like the opportunity to encounter kindness and meditation at the Buddhist center, was just what you needed that hard day. Thank you for sharing your experiences and I'm sorry for your losses. I don't have anything I want to add here today. But I'm glad you invited those who wish to, to share their experiences here as well.[/QUOTE

Yes, or it could be the "Heat" of Hawaii...the weather in San Diego and Hawaii I am sure among other places intense heat, not much of a winter (Ireland does not have this problem lol) so being out in the intense heat, and or hungry can show the same signs :) I love hiking etc. so I am out in the elements but that was the best Birthday present to myself..even did the helicopter...and did not crash like many statistics...lol Queens bath rocks! Know where that is?
 

Late Bloomer

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lol Queens bath rocks! Know where that is?
Yes we visited it and I had fun swimming there... I also liked the public beach in Lihue with the chain of buoys set up to make a calm pond in the ocean. :) I was only there briefly but would love to go back for longer. I could see myself retiring there!
 

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