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HOT TOPIC Are your parents, friends & loved ones ok with you becoming yourself?

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juturna

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How's Ireland like?
 

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yana nova

yana nova

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How's Ireland like?
Three weeks ago I experienced in one day rain, snow and heat... so cool! : )

The country is very beautiful to me and the people are the kindest I've ever met!
 

juturna

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Three weeks ago I experienced in one day rain, snow and heat... so cool! : )

The country is very beautiful to me and the people are the kindest I've ever met!
I hope in the next 2 years I can go to Ireland. It sounds like a beautiful place and I've heard lovely stories from people telling me the same thing!

I'm supposed to be visiting Japan next year: Tokyo, Kyoto and Sapporo. I'm stoked about that!
 

ilrein

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Ugh, why are some Eastern European families so friggin' controlling and manipulative?

23 year old Russian here - congrats on recognizing the validity of your ownjudgement.
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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I hope in the next 2 years I can go to Ireland. It sounds like a beautiful place and I've heard lovely stories from people telling me the same thing!

I'm supposed to be visiting Japan next year: Tokyo, Kyoto and Sapporo. I'm stoked about that!
On business or private purpose? :)
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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Ugh, why are some Eastern European families so friggin' controlling and manipulative?

23 year old Russian here - congrats on recognizing the validity of your ownjudgement.
Доброе утро! :) от морозный Ирландии... Потому что в то время наших родители были воспитывалисьв духе высоких и благородных идей коммунизма.. Where are do you come from in Russia? :)
 

Joseph Wilson

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You're very pretty and have an interesting story, why not start some kind of 'old world' diet and fitness program? You said your health improved once you got back to your native diet, that rich countries eat poorly etc..., seems like there would be a pretty big market for that kind of story. You could be the next 'paleo diet'!
 

Joseph Wilson

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In response to the title of the thread:

My family hates my desire to make money outside the 9-5. I've also done some pretty crazy stuff. Dropping out of college, walking away from 'good jobs' etc... Making decisions differently from how they would have made them tends to really inspire their desire to harass me. It's like it challenges their core beliefs and identity or something so they can't be quiet because they're not really challenging my decisions, they're really defending their own decisions and identity.

Eventually I became fed up with their harassment and decided to ignore them for a few months. Some of them a few years. Now, when I decide to communicate with them they're generally pleasant and supportive.

I've found that ignoring them for extended periods when they irritate me has helped my them learn to stop busting my balls about my decisions. If they bust my balls to much I just ignore them for a few months and make sure they know why, then when I finally call or email they're just happy to be communicating with me again so they make a pretty good effort to avoid irritating me for fear of being ignored again.

The funny thing is I rarely miss communicating with them. Maybe I'm just being an a**hole but I've concluded that they need me more than I need them. Something like that. Like I validate their decisions or something because they don't judge their decisions by the outcomes of those decisions but by other peoples reactions to them or something like that.

Do what you think is best for you, you have to live with the consequences. F*ck them. If they don't like it then go make new friends. When you're wealthy and buying dinner before they stay in your guestroom for free they'll be happy to keep their negativity to themselves.
 

Ubermensch

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To answer the OP's title directly:

No. They're not cool with the person. They're not cool with it at all.

In fact, I'd say they're vehemently opposed to what I am, to what I am becoming.

Some of them would probably be horrified.

That's why I got new friends, and new loved ones, ones who love what I am, what I am becoming.

It's a difficult thing to imagine that your biological parents, and those who have been in your life for years, are not right for you.

That's part of learning to fly. You have to jump out of the nest, figuratively and literally.
 
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juturna

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On business or private purpose? :)
A little bit of both, my friend! :D

I'll be sure to inform y'all about it!

Actually, before I forget, I was informed I'm heading out to Korea and/or the Philippines this Jan-Feb!
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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You're very pretty and have an interesting story, why not start some kind of 'old world' diet and fitness program? You said your health improved once you got back to your native diet, that rich countries eat poorly etc..., seems like there would be a pretty big market for that kind of story. You could be the next 'paleo diet'!
Hi Joseph :) thank you for your kind compliment!
I'm still in the process of creating my own story, so when I start making some money of it I'll let y'all know :)

In response to your second comment :) ... My family controled me, my life and my decisions till my 21th birthday!! And by controlling I mean it was like in a jail :D I wasn't even allowed to decide on my own what/when to eat or what haircut to have or how to dress or the purspose of my going out.

Two years ago I cut the contact with them for over a month; mobile off, skype off, no emails, nothing - just like you, because otherwise it's not possible to live your life on your own! After that I started (just as you) to call them once in a week, then once in two weeks etc. Now we skype once in a month just to check if everything is OK with my parents as they're living far away from me...

You have to make the difference between parents who control their kids to "prevent" them from going the wrong way and parents who are f****d up in their head and don't want you to succeed because they realize that their own life sucks. For the second type there is no hope in trying to talk with them about business and goals at all.
But the first type of parents were brought up in different times and world. And now you want to show your 50+ yrs old parents a completely different world, where "everything is possible and achievable without a Master/ Dr./ Prof. degree" ?! Good luck with that ;)

By that being said, what I mean is, you shouldn't be mad at your parents, because they don't understand you or as they say "because they want you to succeed". That's the way how they were brought up to see the world- the worker is worker and he can't become an entrepreneur, because the successful people were "born that way" and so on.

Love your parents- they raised you at the best possible way they found. If you're not like them, if you know better and have your own goals- be thankful for that because many people die without having aa purpose in their life!

Back than your parents didn't have an internet access, where they can nonstop share with each other all kinds of information from all over the world.

So make sure to show your parents that you found your feet and that you're an adult with serious goals and taking serious decisions and if they're still trying to control you than you aren't that person yet which you're trying to show them.
 

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yana nova

yana nova

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To answer the OP's title directly:

No. They're not cool with the person. They're not cool with it at all.

In fact, I'd say they're vehemently opposed to what I am, to what I am becoming.

Some of them would probably be horrified.

That's why I got new friends, and new loved ones, ones who love what I am, what I am becoming.

It's a difficult thing to imagine that your biological parents, and those who have been in your life for years, are not right for you.

That's part of learning to fly. You have to jump out of the nest, figuratively and literally.
Nabend Übermensch :) Read my comment above to Joseph and you!
 

Ubermensch

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Nabend Übermensch :) Read my comment above to Joseph and you!
"So make sure to show your parents that you found your feet and that you're an adult with serious goals and taking serious decisions and if they're still trying to control you than you aren't that person yet which you're trying to show them."

I take a much more passive approach to people in my old life.

I don't acknowledge them in the slightest

I know I'm not the only person on this forum that has struggled with the notion of giving up ties to loved ones, even if those loved ones were girlfriends, wives, relatives, even brothers, sisters, or parents.

When they hear about my "finding my feet," (which is - of course - what I had to do before launching, lifting and flying) they will read about it in the news like the rest of humanity.

By that being said, what I mean is, you shouldn't be mad at your parents, because they don't understand you or as they say "because they want you to succeed". That's the way how they were brought up to see the world- the worker is worker and he can't become an entrepreneur, because the successful people were "born that way" and so on.
You really believe that?

I'm not so sure.

Regardless, the best mental stance in regards to people who don't get you is to move on to people who do. Why waste your time. It will only cause pain and misery.

To entertain such people would be an act of sheer altruism.
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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"So make sure to show your parents that you found your feet and that you're an adult with serious goals and taking serious decisions and if they're still trying to control you than you aren't that person yet which you're trying to show them."

I take a much more passive approach to people in my old life.

I don't acknowledge them in the slightest

I know I'm not the only person on this forum that has struggled with the notion of giving up ties to loved ones, even if those loved ones were girlfriends, wives, relatives, even brothers, sisters, or parents.

When they hear about my "finding my feet," (which is - of course - what I had to do before launching, lifting and flying) they will read about it in the news like the rest of humanity.



You really believe that?

I'm not so sure.

Regardless, the best mental stance in regards to people who don't get you is to move on to people who do. Why waste your time. It will only cause pain and misery.

To entertain such people would be an act of sheer altruism.
You are right! I too don't waste my time on people who don't understand me, that's why I'm not in contact with my brother since 3 years.

But I was talking only about one's parents. To me maintaining a "healthy relationship" without giving too much info about my life is very important. It depends though on how you've been raised, I quess.

Well everybody has to find out the right way on their own. We can only give different points of view, not a defined path.

My parents are doing the same- reading all the negative info about the things I'm willing to do and when they're feeling fed up with bad thoughts they're trying to convince me of taking the wrong steps. But I just laugh and smile all the time, because that's driving them nuts and sooner or later they stop talking with me about it. :)
 
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Rawr

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Oni people tozhe.. so vremenem ti poismesh kto oni, ne svyatie i nadu's ne d'yavoli. Kogda ti nachnesh ponimat' kto oni ti poimesh ih postupki. Togda ti smogesh reshit' kak s nimi druzhit', i nado li. Mne 30 ya tolko eto nachal videt'.
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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Oni people tozhe.. so vremenem ti poismesh kto oni, ne svyatie i nadu's ne d'yavoli. Kogda ti nachnesh ponimat' kto oni ti poimesh ih postupki. Togda ti smogesh reshit' kak s nimi druzhit', i nado li. Mne 30 ya tolko eto nachal videt'.
Dve stvari opisuju coveka, strpljenje kad nema nista i ponasanje kad ima sve... :) Togda ti smogesh reshit' kak s nimi druzhit, slazem se sa vama!
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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haha :D did you use Google Translation?
Translate it in English :) maybe my reading skills in Serbian/ Croatian aren't that good.
 

Rawr

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wow my Russian must be slipping!
 

Rawr

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Nyet. I gained my independence when I realized I am on my own in this world. That
haha :D did you use Google Translation?
Translate it in English :) maybe my reading skills in Serbian/ Croatian aren't that good.

"Two things describe the man , patience when you have nothing and behavior when there are all."
Good quote. I got my independence long time ago by being a wild child. But I still have their expectations of me to help them in mind.

Some parents could chime in but I find by far parents WANT their kid to do good, they just sometimes don't know how to help or if they can so they lower the expectations.
 

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yana nova

yana nova

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Nyet. I gained my independence when I realized I am on my own in this world. That



"Two things describe the man , patience when you have nothing and behavior when there are all."
Good quote. I got my independence long time ago by being a wild child. But I still have their expectations of me to help them in mind.

Some parents could chime in but I find by far parents WANT their kid to do good, they just sometimes don't know how to help or if they can so they lower the expectations.
Мы считаем одинаково! I too still have some of their expectations of me in my head, but that's normal, since your parents talked you for decades into becoming someone else.

Thank you for your reply sir :) !
 
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Rawr

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Someone wise once told me - your parents chose to give you birth.. they owed you to raise you. You owe it to yourself to make your life, and then when you have kids you owe THEM everything. You don't owe your parents. You can help if you want but for them to demand or expect something just because you are their child is abuse.

That's the US mentality, you can see how that's different from eastern european. ;)
 
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yana nova

yana nova

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Someone wise once told me - your parents chose to give you birth.. they owed you to raise you. You owe it to yourself to make your life, and then when you have kids you owe THEM everything. You don't owe your parents. You can help if you want but for them to demand or expect something just because you are their child is abuse.

That's the US mentality, you can see how that's different from eastern european. ;)
There is a cool guy, Elliott Hulse (maybe you know him?) talking about this here (you can start at minute 3:10):


Since when are you in Florida?
 

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