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Can't take his advice anymore...

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Topics relating to managing people and relationships

WJK

Legendary Contributor
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Oct 9, 2017
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I was talking to my old business partner last night. We have been bouncing our business ideas off of each other for the last 35 years. I was giving him a progress report on the business that I'm setting up to open this coming spring. And he asked me an off-the-wall question about it that set me on my heels. He had no idea what we've been talking about for the last several months. He's now in his mid-80s and he's lost his edge and his ability to do critical thinking. Yes, I will continue to talk to him -- about unimportant stuff. BUT, I will never rely on his advice or answers again concerning my businesses. That part of our relationship is over.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
 
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Boogie

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I will continue to talk to him -- about unimportant stuff. BUT, I will never rely on his advice or answers again concerning my businesses. That part of our relationship is over.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Sometimes people are distracted thinking about other things and that happens. Just not paying enough attention. Sometimes it's people slipping with age and sometimes it's worse.

While I didn't really talk business matters with my parents, I did ask them for feedback in my life and how to handle problems at times.

After my dad had a TIA and after my mom was sick, they both seemed to have their memories completely altered regarding some things.

My mom, for example, had pneumonia and urinary tract infections. Those cause a lot of issues. Before she went into the hospital, she believed my niece was stealing her wooden spoons. When she was in the hospital, she thought there were elephants and bugs on the ceiling and she was willing to move to another room if they needed to move her as long as she could take the elephants with her. Then when her symptoms cleared up with no visions of elephants or bugs and she had moved to the nursing home (and then to her own home), she maintained that she had been in someone's house. She didn't know she had been in the hospital. To her, she had been in someone's house along a busy street and I had been doing some painting on the first floor for them. She actually argued with me that it was some lady's house and I asked her why she had been treated by doctors and nurses at a lady's house instead of a hospital and why were we visiting her there and why would I be painting there. As far as I know, she believed until her death that she had been in someone's house. The lady's house was so firmly implanted into her brain. It was odd because after she got over the UTI and pneumonia, she could think very clearly, but part of her memory was permanently affected and just some thoughts and memories were off the wall. Other than that, she was clear and could still give me valuable feedback. But they still came up in conversation. "When I was staying at that lady's house..."

With my dad and his TIA, he wouldn't go to the hospital when he showed symptoms, so I was called to make it happen. (He loved and respected my mom, but when it came to telling him medical things he needed to do, he would never go against me.) He told me that he had been at his brother's house and it had been raining, but he didn't have his umbrella. Actually, he had been at home and his brother had been dead for several years. Also, while he was with his brother, they went to visit one of his friends who had been dead for over 20 years. I let him know that I was going to take him to the hospital and that he had to go. He went. For the rest of his life after that, he really didn't say much of anything. He had always been quiet, but this was different. We weren't cruel about his memories, but let him know that the people he was talking about were gone. I don't know if he just realized that he couldn't trust what he was saying and didn't want to sound crazy or if he just was becoming more withdrawn as he realized he was aging out. I still remember after died when I had a split second when I wanted to call him to find out how he thought something should be handled and then I realized he couldn't. Those moments are such grim reminders of mortality.

Incidentally, these situations are reasons that I think people need to make plans for later life while they are young and review them periodically. Just make sure that things are set up the way you want in case your mind goes or something debilitating happens to you. It can happen at any time.

Also, whether you are young or old, my chiropractor gave me a tip several years ago. He said always make sure that you have auto-pay set up on your medical insurance or supplemental insurance. One of his patients ended up in the hospital for a long time, but didn't have anybody at home to process the bills and the insurance was cut off. That can be difficult or impossible to get re-instated. BTW, this wasn't a self serving tip from a crooked chiropractor, he only takes cash so he doesn't have to deal with insurance BS. He has just seen a lot of crap in his career.
 
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WJK

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
2,348
5,329
Alaska
Sometimes people are distracted thinking about other things and that happens. Just not paying enough attention. Sometimes it's people slipping with age and sometimes it's worse.

While I didn't really talk business matters with my parents, I did ask them for feedback in my life and how to handle problems at times.

After my dad had a TIA and after my mom was sick, they both seemed to have their memories completely altered regarding some things.

My mom, for example, had pneumonia and urinary tract infections. Those cause a lot of issues. Before she went into the hospital, she believed my niece was stealing her wooden spoons. When she was in the hospital, she thought there were elephants and bugs on the ceiling and she was willing to move to another room if they needed to move her as long as she could take the elephants with her. Then when her symptoms cleared up with no visions of elephants or bugs and she had moved to the nursing home (and then to her own home), she maintained that she had been in someone's house. She didn't know she had been in the hospital. To her, she had been in someone's house along a busy street and I had been doing some painting on the first floor for them. She actually argued with me that it was some lady's house and I asked her why she had been treated by doctors and nurses at a lady's house instead of a hospital and why were we visiting her there and why would I be painting there. As far as I know, she believed until her death that she had been in someone's house. The lady's house was so firmly implanted into her brain. It was odd because after she got over the UTI and pneumonia, she could think very clearly, but part of her memory was permanently affected and just some thoughts and memories were off the wall. Other than that, she was clear and could still give me valuable feedback. But they still came up in conversation. "When I was staying at that lady's house..."

With my dad and his TIA, he wouldn't go to the hospital when he showed symptoms, so I was called to make it happen. (He loved and respected my mom, but when it came to telling him medical things he needed to do, he would never go against me.) He told me that he had been at his brother's house and it had been raining, but he didn't have his umbrella. Actually, he had been at home and his brother had been dead for several years. Also, while he was with his brother, they went to visit one of his friends who had been dead for over 20 years. I let him know that I was going to take him to the hospital and that he had to go. He went. For the rest of his life after that, he really didn't say much of anything. He had always been quiet, but this was different. We weren't cruel about his memories, but let him know that the people he was talking about were gone. I don't know if he just realized that he couldn't trust what he was saying and didn't want to sound crazy or if he just was becoming more withdrawn as he realized he was aging out. I still remember after died when I had a split second when I wanted to call him to find out how he thought something should be handled and then I realized he couldn't. Those moments are such grim reminders of mortality.

Incidentally, these situations are reasons that I think people need to make plans for later life while they are young and review them periodically. Just make sure that things are set up the way you want in case your mind goes or something debilitating happens to you. It can happen at any time.

Also, whether you are young or old, my chiropractor gave me a tip several years ago. He said always make sure that you have auto-pay set up on your medical insurance or supplemental insurance. One of his patients ended up in the hospital for a long time, but didn't have anybody at home to process the bills and the insurance was cut off. That can be difficult or impossible to get re-instated. BTW, this wasn't a self serving tip from a crooked chiropractor, he only takes cash so he doesn't have to deal with insurance BS. He has just seen a lot of crap in his career.
I totally understand. I've been talking to my friend for months about this new business I'm starting and it's like I never talked to him about it.

We've been bouncing the details off of each other for all these years and now I can't do that anymore. He's always been my devil's advocate, telling me everything that can go wrong with every step in my journey. That's a very valuable point of view. I knew this day would come, but one is never really prepared for it.
 
D

Deleted85763

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I totally understand. I've been talking to my friend for months about this new business I'm starting and it's like I never talked to him about it.

We've been bouncing the details off of each other for all these years and now I can't do that anymore. He's always been my devil's advocate, telling me everything that can go wrong with every step in my journey. That's a very valuable point of view. I knew this day would come, but one is never really prepared for it.
He's your friend. I don't know if it was based on business but a friend is a friend and money and anything else is not as important as friendship because money is not limited; it can always be earned. Time is limited. Everyone's time is limited. At 85 years old every day should be a celebration. Any discussions should be enjoyable and fun. If you need to discuss things that are action oriented, like business, maybe come up with ideas with your friend to help the world instead?
 

WJK

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
2,348
5,329
Alaska
He's your friend. I don't know if it was based on business but a friend is a friend and money and anything else is not as important as friendship because money can always be earned. Time can not. At 85 years old every day should be a celebration. Any discussions should be enjoyable and fun. Maybe come up with ideas with your friend to help the world instead?
Maybe. I still talking to him. Our draw has always been our business connection. We bought and sold RE many years ago. It started with me bird-dogging RE when I was a young pup, and him funding that class of deals. Now they call them flips -- houses, apartments, and small commercial buildings. He's always had a brilliant mind. Now he's one can short of a six-pack -- maybe two. I'm sad to see this coming.

His life has always been about his money and he has a pile of it in the bank. He's a self-made man who is a retired banker. He was a difficult partner years ago because he was always so paranoid about the normal risks. Now he's too afraid and OCD to really do any investments. So he's just sitting on his bank accounts like a mother hen. I have NOT done any deals with him or anyone else for many years. I've been self-funding and totally autonomous. But, he's become my extended family over the years. He's always loved to hear about my latest venture, so he can pick it apart and give me his opinions. I think those conversations have kept his mind sharp.

When he told me how much money he has in the bank, I was green-eyed over it at first. I thought about what I could do with that pile of money. Then I realized I would never be in his situation. I would have the money out and working in a hot minute. I've always been the bird-dog in this situation who found the deals and made them work. He's never had my skill set. But I too can and do, manage my money and fund my deals, as he had in the past. That aha moment made me feel much better.
 
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thechosen1

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I was talking to my old business partner last night. We have been bouncing our business ideas off of each other for the last 35 years. I was giving him a progress report on the business that I'm setting up to open this coming spring. And he asked me an off-the-wall question about it that set me on my heels. He had no idea what we've been talking about for the last several months. He's now in his mid-80s and he's lost his edge and his ability to do critical thinking. Yes, I will continue to talk to him -- about unimportant stuff. BUT, I will never rely on his advice or answers again concerning my businesses. That part of our relationship is over.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?
That is very sad. I fear that day with my grandfather, who has always mentored me in business.

All you can do I guess is learn as much as you possibly can while you still have time with them, and after that, just enjoy their company. I’m sure there are other like-minded individuals you can talk to though?

Maybe this can be seen as symbolic of your advancement beyond his advice.
 

WJK

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
2,348
5,329
Alaska
That is very sad. I fear that day with my grandfather, who has always mentored me in business.

All you can do I guess is learn as much as you possibly can while you still have time with them, and after that, just enjoy their company. I’m sure there are other like-minded individuals you can talk to though?

Maybe this can be seen as symbolic of your advancement beyond his advice.
Possibly. I just have always talked to him almost daily. He's just been there for sooooo long. He's become family for me.
 

Matt Sun

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CBD oil is a great way of preventing / fighting that elderly forgetfulness. Def worth a try in this case IMO. Hope he/she gets better !
 
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