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How do you talk to your parents?

AshrafI

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I've been having this problem for a long time now, and I've just been ignoring it as my parents seem to be in denial or challenging to persuade.

Let me give you an example of what the problem looks like:
I've been starting the 75 HARD challenge after @Fox made a post on it, I've been starting to lift weights a year after I had stopped. It was something I did as much as often as five times a week, but I, unfortunately, had to stop due to my parents' claim that weight lifting stunts your height growth. Most of us know that this is false, unless poor technique and formation is used, and may even promote growth. It has even come to the point that if I do poorly in a test, they claim it on me lifting weights as they believe I'm wasting time, although it's only around 45 minutes a day. They would be saying the same thing if I was playing video games, it's as if they're comparing weightlifting and exercise to gaming, thinking that it's a total waste of time.

I might be sounding as if I'm whining at this point, but I've tried things to get around them, I've started to lift weights at around 5 AM in the morning whilst everyone is sleeping, or I've been lifting when my dad's at work and my mom's downstairs watching the TV. However, when my parents see the only dumbbell I have, near my desk, they come to the conclusion that I've been lifting weights even if I may not have been. I could be hiding the dumbbell from them for the remainder of my teenage years, or I could create a valid argument and explain all the benefits to them. This is the problem; I feel as if my parents' are in denial and will most likely not be able to be convinced because I'm trying to go against their views, which are sometimes invalidated and is just an opinion a relative had told them.

My cousins, dad's brother's sons, have been lifting since they were 14 and are quite tall compared to my family, my parents even say that I should strive to be like them physically. However, they didn't do so well in school, so I believe that my parents' feel as if lifting will take out of my day, reducing the amount of time I have to study. This may not be the problem because they want me to play basketball outside as they believe it will make you taller, which also takes time out of your day. My parents think that exercise is unnecessary for gaining mass, and can be achieved by eating alone, which is far from the truth because I'm an ectomorph.

This problem is just an example of what I've been facing but can be substituted with anything. I believe that numerous other people also have the same problem of convincing their parents, therefore it would be beneficial if anyone could suggest a way of convincing them.
 

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Rawseed

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Stop trying to convince people that you're right. It will never work.

You cannot change anyone's mind with words or logic.

Humans are emotional creatures that use pseudo-logic to rationalize their emotions.

Your only hope of changing someone's minds is with results. And even that might not work.

Keep hiding your weightlifting. When you're swole and they ask you how you did it, tell them. If they don't ask, keep it to yourself.
 

Andy Daniels

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You don't need to convince anyone but yourself.

Sure, it's nice if they're on board, but it's by no means required.

I always say show, don't tell. Let your results speak louder than your words.
 

Vitaly the Winne

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My parents when I was living with them looked down on parkour as too dangerous and kept asking me when I would quit, last year I did and started back up about two weeks ago.

My point being, when someone sets their mind to something and convinces themselves that their opinion is correct and nothing else is, there's no reasoning with that person. So what you need to do for yourself, and lift weights if that brings you joy and helps your health. At the same time don't neglect tour grades, since you're still living with your parents and getting at least a high school degree would help you become unscripted, as opposed to a GDE. It sounds like your parents are concerned about your health(although I do don't agree with the weightlifting bias) and just want to see you be successful, from their perspective.
 

kkompoti

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you do not want to convince anyone for anything. Is it beneficial for you? Do it.

If your parents do not like it tell them exactly what your end goal is and how long will that take to be achieved.
They care about your school and they think you are giving up on their dream for good grades....sure...but explain it to them. Their dream.not yours

Is it ok to play on both sides by hiding your true self? No it is not ok. Start believing in your self. Achieve some minor goals first. Show them your results and continue from there.

Says the man who was reading back in my school years almost 20 years ago all year round having always excellent grades with performance diplomas and then had his parents say to him that because you are reading with music on you are not reading. Let's try sheep herder instead...



P.s. parents do not always want good for their kids. The reasons are plenty why that may happen ranging from total idiotism to total jealousy.

P.s.2 as far as the weight lifting _ height issue I have no clue on that...but if you feel that you are short do not worry about it. Napoleon Bonaparte was also short. Look what he had done in his life....
It is all a mind problem not a physical one. You can see people on the streets really short that have the movement of a giant and vice versa. Mindset problem only.
 

Vitaly the Winne

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you do not want to convince anyone for anything. Is it beneficial for you? Do it.

If your parents do not like it tell them exactly what your end goal is and how long will that take to be achieved.
They care about your school and they think you are giving up on their dream for good grades....sure...but explain it to them. Their dream.not yours

Is it ok to play on both sides by hiding your true self? No it is not ok. Start believing in your self. Achieve some minor goals first. Show them your results and continue from there.

Says the man who was reading back in my school years almost 20 years ago all year round having always excellent grades with performance diplomas and then had his parents say to him that because you are reading with music on you are not reading. Let's try sheep herder instead...



P.s. parents do not always want good for their kids. The reasons are plenty why that may happen ranging from total idiotism to total jealousy.

P.s.2 as far as the weight lifting _ height issue I have no clue on that...but if you feel that you are short do not worry about it. Napoleon Bonaparte was also short. Look what he had done in his life....
It is all a mind problem not a physical one. You can see people on the streets really short that have the movement of a giant and vice versa. Mindset problem only.
It's true, some parents never quite grew up and are petty children at heart, just because someone is older doesn't necessarily make them wiser. That isn't the case at all times thank God, we don't really know the reasons or thinking behind OP's parents beliefs in how weightlifting is going to destroy his life, there's probably more to the story.

And as far as any discipline goes, if you love something, are passionate about it, and feel strongly about this thing bringing you positive benefits, don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. Other people, no matter who they are, aren't able to read tour mind or feel the passion for you. Instead of convincing them that you're right and they're wrong, use action to prove it. Like I said in the previous post, keep your grades up and if possible join your school's weightlifting and fitness class. Surround yourself with the people you want to be like.
 
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AshrafI

AshrafI

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Thank you for all the responses, the best thing for me to do now is to keep lifting in secret. I'm going to take it a step further and try to convince my sports teacher to let me use the school's fitness room at lunchtime, won't be that difficult since I've got a strong bond with him.
 

Vitaly the Winne

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Thank you for all the responses, the best thing for me to do now is to keep lifting in secret. I'm going to take it a step further and try to convince my sports teacher to let me use the school's fitness room at lunchtime, won't be that difficult since I've got a strong bond with him.
I love it! If your gym teacher is in your corner, you can definitely make quicker gains, and create life changing results. The power of positive association at work.
 

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