OFF-TOPIC .......and your friends do what?

[EasyMoney_in_NC]

I was having a moment of reflection while eating lunch by myself today, and I realized how amazing it is how much farther ahead my wife and I are than any one we associate with. Earlier in the day I was on the phone with a buddy and he was commenting on how he hadn't started X-mas shopping......he was trying to budget out his expenses and was waiting on a commission check to come in ...."you know how it is?" he says to me. Without thinking, I said..."yeah.....actually no" sort of under my breath but I felt SO bad, I was mortified at myself (doesn't happen often)
Not sure if he heard me or not. I try not to flaunt the fact that I'm not broke to them, there's nothing to be gained by showing off. He happens to sort of understand what I'm about, but still I try to set it aside when possible.

One of my wife's girlfriends is the same way.....always griping about having to wait to save up for this/that or not being able to afford "X".

After my point of mortification, I started thinking about this site, and what type of people some of you are, and what did your friends do for work. Are they broke all the time? Are they the "rat racers" like my friends are. How does it make you feel/them feel?
I'd hate to think I'm the smartest one my friends know (I'm not the sharpest tool ) but it seems as if I could be.......sort of hate that.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

We have some friends and family in the "old school rat race camp" and others on the same path we are on.

We talk to friends, family, everyone we know about what we are learning and how they can do it too.... (I mean... if we can do it, anyone can!!!) Some people are receptive and some people are not. It is always sad to us when people are not ready to learn.

Which leads me to..... what does it take for someone to be ready? We have introduces a book or idea to someone and had them run with it immediately - others.... never. And others still, skim through, put it aside for a few years, not thinking much of it... then pick it up again a few years later and run with it.

What makes someone *ready* for the information?

Anyway... it is an interesting feeling to outgrow your friends in some regards.

 

[kurtyordy]

Well to my wife, my parents, and to most of my friends, I am a freak. I have one friend who is a freak with me, and another I have almost freakized. All the others are not ready.


What makes someone ready? Humility. Most people are not ready because they cannot believe that the way they look at life could be soooo wrong.

 

[zaiteku]

most of my friends are rat racers, and for some reason they are content to stay there, but they'll complain about things, or be doomsdayers about everything. I do have a few friends that are Multimillionaires, and a few that I think will be soon, but those friends are few and far between.

I think it really is how they see the world, and until you can see the world differently I don't think you can progress. There is nothing else that really separates us, its not like I'm any smarter or more talented. I just see opportunity in almost everything.

 

[Jorge]

My friends and I are all young, and most of us live with our parents so we don't "depend" on a job. I'm in the rat race, but I'm not going to stay much longer. Most of my friends want fame, most of them are artists: designers, photographers, musicians. I always loved creative people. While I enjoy our talks, we differ A LOT about money, business and "success". For them "success" basically means fame. Being the best at what they do. They are trying to get there through self-employment.
I'm always viewed as a "money lover" by them, but I have stopped trying to explain myself.

This bring me to the next question: How many of the fastlaners in the forum have left their friends behind??

 

[thecoach]

90% of the people I know are J.O.Bers. Most are either trades people or work for the government. For them, a good pension and good benefits is a success. At this point in my career, most of my friends and family make more than I do, however, they are usually broke faster than I am, so I get the same "it sucks living paycheque to paycheque" bit as well. Most of them aren't even interested in even looking at a budget to see where their money goes though...they just want to wish it away and hope that works. It's sad really.

 

[australianinvestor]

Cool post

I've noticed a big change in the last ten years. It's about half employees, half business people, and one guy who's going to be a multi-billionaire in about two more years. Ten years ago, it was all employees.

I used to have problems talking fast-track with my friends (Robert Kiyosaki's "screaming pig" analogy fits here), but that's a problem of the past. We are almost all on the same page. Granted, we are on different parts of the page, but it's the same one ;-)

Daniel.

 

[Colbey]

Interesting question. I have a mixture of friends, I think they all have ambitions and work to achieve them its just some have different goals to me. For example one is a nurse and wants to make a difference, currently by working in Africa. Another’s a mum and wants to do the best for her children, this currently includes qualifying as a teacher.

Although I do not consider money to be an important quality in friends, the lack of it does separate me from some of my older friends due to them not being able to afford trips, holidays, nights out etc. Its something I try to avoid and prevent, but in some cases its inevitable. Looking at the positive side, I have made new friends that have similar interests while at track days, skiing etc. I try to protect others feelings by not bringing to much focus onto new stuff, spending etc, but this can be difficult.

I think its inevitable that as we progress through life some friends are left behind and others replace them. I was terribly disappointed when returning to my home village after going to London and university to find I had outgrown many of the friends that had chosen to stay in the village, but its just a part of growing...

 

[kimberland]

I have friends in all wealth ranges
and all walks of life.
One of my best buds is a devout Jehovah's Witness,
another buddy from high school is an exotic dancer/prostitute.

I talk about different things with different people.
With the broke folks, unless they bring it up,
I don't talk about finances.
Just as I don't talk about the sex in my novels with the devout friend.

There's something to learn from everyone
and I find if I mix up my friends a bit,
I don't get overly influenced by one group.
That allows me to follow my own path.

 

[andviv]

In my case, when success started happening I invited some of my friends to enjoy the ride... I invited them to partner for deals and work with me in some minor rehabs to share benefits. Then, when some did partner with me and we shared the profits, others that were not in the deal started telling to my friends/partners that I was making more than they and that was 'unfair', creating a bad 'vibe' in the group. The mentality thing is something you can't deal with... it is up to each of us to decide what to do and what is important in our life.

These days the gap is wider than ever and I don't spend that much time with them anymore. When I get invited to meetings the expectation is that I have to pay more as I am 'rich' so I 'should' give more. Well, I give cause I want to. Money has become a forbidden topic and every now and then comments about how unfair life is for them compared with me, blah blah blah. Victim mentality is not easy to overcome. In the last few years drinking beer is not as important as making money for me, so we had less things in common. (SteveO, we still haven't had those beers we mentioned the other day )

 

[LightHouse]

Very cool topic. Becuase i too was thinking about this the other day.

I do not have any close frineds or anyone in the area, that is on the same level as I am. All of my friends are the broke type filling up creditcards on worthless shit. Even the girlfriend was brought up in that enviroment and its an ongoing battle getting her off of it.

I would love more than anything to have a few frineds that were intrested in the same things i am or are above that level that i could tak to and be insipired from, alas i have not found that in my area yet.

I do have a friend that expressed alot of interest to me about starting his own company, so i called him for a couple weeks asking about his short term goals and what he was working on.... no surprise he had no answer and no drive todo anything.

He thought all he had to do was have the idea to want to start a company and hed make a million apperently. I was excited becasue i finally goto to talk money and business with someone.... thats all down the drain haha! So in effect, All my friends are the 'im too broke' type!

 

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[yveskleinsky]

The person I spend the most amount of time with (WildAmbitions) has just that- Wild Ambitions- so she is a lot of fun to be around. I love the fact that I can call her and mention any idea, no matter how far out there and she'll be supportive, and try to think of ways to make it happen.

Outside of her, all my other friends are rat racers. I don't have much in common with them so much anymore, because we are going forward with the cabins and I really enjoy talking business and strategy, and they don't. I don't want to bore them to tears, so I let them talk about what they are interested in, and generally smile and nod. No one outside of this group really wants to hear about my cabins, (except my parents- which is awesome!) so I just keep it between me and WildAmbitions. I tell you, another hard thing is when your mindset switches to fastlane and your spouse is stuck in a working mindset. I don't tell my husband anything, and it can be really lonely at times. He just doesn't understand, and it makes him worry- so we've separated accounts and I put everything in my name. I wish I could run home and tell him everything that I tell you guys, and have him brainstorm with me on things- but that's just not a part of who he is. I'm hoping that once we get the books in order I can quantify how we are doing and that will give him peace of mind (and ideally, get him excited!).

...Overall, I've just learned to realize that just because I think REI is cool and the fastlane is the best thing ever, that most other people don't- and that's fine. ...I don't focus on changing them, I just spend my time with like minded people as often as I can!

 

[yveskleinsky]

Which leads me to..... what does it take for someone to be ready? We have introduces a book or idea to someone and had them run with it immediately - others.... never. And others still, skim through, put it aside for a few years, not thinking much of it... then pick it up again a few years later and run with it.

What makes someone *ready* for the information?

I've also been thinking about this a lot lately, and how I can accelerate the process for myself. I've heard so many diffferent theories on why people finally make the choice to change- their current situation has become unbearable, or they've finally set reasonable goals, or they've found a support system, etc. I don't know if any of these have been true for me- at least not in an obvious way that I've noticed. For example, with getting organized. This was something that I BATTLED with for years. As a kid I would clean my room and with 4 days it was a pit again, and I never noticed it happening! As I got older I would set time aside weekly to clean out my car, and it would alwyas be a pit 3 days later. But then one day, I just decided to become organized- and I have been ever since. I don't remember anything major happening- I just decided to change. I was also the same way with finances and quitting smoking. I have seen the same mentality with people who have made even bigger changes: getting off drugs, quitting smoking, losing weight, getting financially on track, etc. You ask them why they did it, and it was for any number of reasons- but the reasons have always been there- so why is this time different? Really a fascinating topic- and worth exploring further!

 

[LightHouse]

The person I spend the most amount of time with (WildAmbitions) has just that- Wild Ambitions- so she is a lot of fun to be around. I love the fact that I can call her and mention any idea, no matter how far out there and she'll be supportive, and try to think of ways to make it happen.

Outside of her, all my other friends are rat racers. I don't have much in common with them so much anymore, because we are going forward with the cabins and I really enjoy talking business and strategy, and they don't. I don't want to bore them to tears, so I let them talk about what they are interested in, and generally smile and nod. No one outside of this group really wants to hear about my cabins, (except my parents- which is awesome!) so I just keep it between me and WildAmbitions. I tell you, another hard thing is when your mindset switches to fastlane and your spouse is stuck in a working mindset. I don't tell my husband anything, and it can be really lonely at times. He just doesn't understand, and it makes him worry- so we've separated accounts and I put everything in my name. I wish I could run home and tell him everything that I tell you guys, and have him brainstorm with me on things- but that's just not a part of who he is. I'm hoping that once we get the books in order I can quantify how we are doing and that will give him peace of mind (and ideally, get him excited!).

...Overall, I've just learned to realize that just because I think REI is cool and the fastlane is the best thing ever, that most other people don't- and that's fine. ...I don't focus on changing them, I just spend my time with like minded people as often as I can!

Your post sounds almost identical to mine!

 

[Bilgefisher]

Not everyone will change there opinions. As long as my friends are happy where they are, I let them be. Otherwise my statement is this, "If your not happy about your situation, do something about, otherwise quit griping. Griping gets you nowhere." If I get told there is nothing they can do, I give options. Beyond that its up to them.

Its interesting though, I get excited about what I am doing. Like a little kid in a candy store. That type of excitement is contagious. My family and friends are interested and want to know more. I guess I'm lucky because I don't have to many issues with this. Plus certain subjects folks avoid with me I guess. They already know my opinion differs from theirs, why bring it up.

I will say this. If you come over to my household you'll occasionally hear me yell at my TV. Flipping through the channels and hear a news reports that is incorrect or has a pity me mentality. Its rather amusing.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

The person I spend the most amount of time with (WildAmbitions) has just that- Wild Ambitions- so she is a lot of fun to be around. I love the fact that I can call her and mention any idea, no matter how far out there and she'll be supportive, and try to think of ways to make it happen.

Hey, can I come live with you? :banana:

 

[andviv]

But then one day, I just decided to become organized- and I have been ever since. I don't remember anything major happening- I just decided to change. I was also the same way with finances and quitting smoking. I have seen the same mentality with people who have made even bigger changes: getting off drugs, quitting smoking, losing weight, getting financially on track, etc. You ask them why they did it, and it was for any number of reasons- but the reasons have always been there- so why is this time different? Really a fascinating topic- and worth exploring further!

I think the reason is that you and them got fed up with it. It is not a catastrophic, humongous event, just that small straw that broke the camel's back... that probably triggered the change.


We humans move by what motivates us. We in this forum have a different motivation than those in forums about being debt-free or about finding the next place for vacations. I've been accused by my friends of only be thinking about deals, business, how to make money, how to quit my job. They see this as the wrong priority in life, it is better to live your life one day at the time and do not worry about your financial future, it is only money after all. Different perspectives, just as we all are different from each other.

In the other discussion we had about this we also talked about family relationships. Too bad I haven't found that other thread to refer it here.

 

[EasyMoney_in_NC]

Very cool topic. Becuase i too was thinking about this the other day.

I do not have any close frineds or anyone in the area, that is on the same level as I am. All of my friends are the broke type filling up credit cards on worthless shit.
I would love more than anything to have a few friends that were interested in the same things i am or are above that level that i could talk to and be inspired from, alas i have not found that in my area yet.

Thats where I am and have been for quite some time. Its lonely at the bottom of the top
Its hard to be motivated sometimes when there's no one to share the excitement. My wife gets it but she has her own job and things on her mind. As long as something seems reasonable she has no issues with me jumping in, but she's not "into" the RE thing as bad as I am.

I'm glad everyone is enjoying the topic. I knew I couldn't be the only one

 

[LightHouse]

Thats where I am and have been for quite some time. Its lonely at the bottom of the top
Its hard to be motivated sometimes when there's no one to share the excitement. My wife gets it but she has her own job and things on her mind. As long as something seems reasonable she has no issues with me jumping in, but she's not "into" the RE thing as bad as I am.

I'm glad everyone is enjoying the topic. I knew I couldn't be the only one

Yes the bottom of the top!

The more i think about it, when ever i need business advice or want to get in the mood to tackle or brainstorm... I come here... to sift through and find info or ask it.


why? becasue im not going to get blow up with MLM offers or people who dont know what they are talking about or NNWKIA's (MJ's acronym). I almost feel that beside the fact that i havent met any of you I can still talk to you all as if we all sat down somewhere for coffee or dinner without all the BS of other forums.

This is my mastermind group. (in a way)

 

[EasyMoney_in_NC]

+1

BTW Merry Xmas, Happy Holiday's......whatever floats your boat Everyone

 

[andviv]

I almost feel that beside the fact that i havent met any of you I can still talk to you all as if we all sat down somewhere for coffee or dinner without all the BS of other forums.

Then you are more than welcome to the Fastlane beer & pancakes next March the 8th, 9th, although I can't guarantee the no BS during dinner

 

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[camski]

Since I am single with no kids some of my friends use that as the reason I alwasy seem to have some money (no debt other than RE investments and home). But yet they still have fancier houses and nicer vehicles than I do. They go on more elaborate vacations and go out to dinner (and put it on a credit card) more frequently. I will concede that because I have no dependents that it gives me an advantage, but I would think that if I had a wife and kids I would be even more driven and frugal so that my children would have a good influence and a financial leg up when they got older.

 

[Z5 FILMS]

My friends and family are all rat racers types or salesmen slaves. They like to joke and make fun of me about my ideas.

I just laugh and joke back "I'd rather die on my feet, than live on my knees like you".

They all talk about getting rich, owning or starting a business. But most just are not programmed for it. All their idea are slowlane junk like stock market investing. Even if they made some good stock picks, they won't make much cause they don't have much money.

They are not even in the slowlane. They are broke down on the shoulder with the hazzards on.

 

[kimberland]

Since I am single with no kids some of my friends use that as the reason I alwasy seem to have some money

The hubby and I get that because we're DINKs (double income no kids).
They're looking for justification to continue doing what they're doing.

Reading this thread, I see that most of us are quite different from our buddies.
Stands to reason...
if you want to do different things (start businesses, investing, etc),
odds are you're going to be different.
Nothing wrong with that.

 

[GettingThere]

Even though my wife and I are still in the rat race, the line of thinking recently has changed...dramatically for me, in part due to stories on this forum. I now realize how we were beginning to get stuck in the "hamster wheel" of complacency. Changing our mindset is awkward because of the way in which we both were raised and 'prepared of the real world'. The way parents react to our desire to accomplish more is almost like they think we are being greedy or unrealistic. It's tough to explain that we are excited by the thrill of the chase and the desire to push our abilities to the limit. "Well, you are an engineer for the Space Program, what more do you want?" I like to think we're just getting started on the accomplishment totem pole. Either way, it's great to find like-minded people to help keep things in perspective when the rest of the world thinks we're nuts!

- John

 

[S928]

I now realize how we were beginning to get stuck in the "hamster wheel" of complacency. Changing our mindset is awkward because of the way in which we both were raised and 'prepared of the real world'.

Congrats on rationalizing things so well. Most people are totally naive about the dangers of complacency. Afterall, it's too easy to conform and what's the reward of putting up with strife when it's not truly necessary, most would say. I've seen way too many brilliant people slip into mediocre lives because they simply conform. Sad, but true. Yep, people will even stay in dead-end jobs that have little upward mobility, stagnant relationships and the list goes on .... just because they fear change or don't think they're worthy of doing better. Indeed, every man dies, but not every man truly lives. So, to truly live life, one must be willing to break barriers.

 

[andviv]

Changing our mindset is awkward because of the way in which we both were raised and 'prepared of the real world'.
...
"Well, you are an engineer for the Space Program, what more do you want?"
- John

Somebody mentioned this quote:
If you're so smart, why aren't you rich.

This is the answer I give to everybody who tells me that a professional career is the right thing to do for me as I am 'a very smart guy'.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

This is the answer I give to everybody who tells me that a professional career is the right thing to do for me as I am 'a very smart guy'.

"Smart" is not a characteristic that one is either blessed with or not blessed with... it is not like blond hair or brown skin or purple eyes or good bones.

Smart is applying yourself to an area until you excel in that area.

 

[yveskleinsky]

Hey, can I come live with you? :banana:

Better yet, maybe we could create a commune on some of your land! lol!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I have two groups of friends; one group is my core group --these are normal people, living paycheck to paycheck. I keep a low profile and rarely talk money -- I listen to them talk about their money problems and financial crisis - I never give them advice unless asked.

My other group of friends are more like acquaintances that I talk to every few weeks. These people are the busy people doing stuff, building companies, selling them - fastlane type folks.

Thru experience, I found that merging these two groups is not good so I keep them separate. Worlds colliding at dinner is not comfortable. One might talk about a million dollar deal that fell thru while the other complains about the landlord raising rent $25.

Bottomline, is I keep friends that are empowering, that have character, and that I can trust --friends can be broke people as well as rich. (I just don't take money advice from my broke friends!)