Advice: Has Anyone Groomed Themselves to Enter The American Elite?

[Envision]

The people that ive met and am friends with that are over 10M+ net worth and into 100M+ net worth do not care about you. You're thread essentially is seeking validation from them because you're not where they are but you want to be.

They're friends with other people like them for the same reasons they are where they are. They're mindset, beliefs, family, and business is different than everyone else and they don't waste time with people who aren't like them - not because they think they're better, they just have a solid understanding of what yields results and what doesn't.

Most likely if you have enough money to be like them you don't give a F*ck about etiquette or trying to fit in, you're just going to be respectful and seek to be respected back. As you show you're value and mindset you'll become they're friend... if you don't have value to add then you won't. It's not something to overthink.

 

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[jon.a]

To get more back on track, when Mrs.jon and I got thrown to the wolves, I did buy us a business etiquette book.

 

[jon.a]

Any specific book recommendation?

I got this one...
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071811265/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

 

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[• nikita •]

The only thing I'm changing about myself is my income.

 

[Late Bloomer]

Be sure to remove the phrase "hold my beer and watch this" from your vocabulary. The proper way to phrase this is: "shalt thou now holdst my beer and keep thine eyes peeled keen upon me?" which of course comes from Shakespeare.

Seriously, there are two parts to the question that I think it's useful to separate.

One is, what are some ways that broke people usually act that are rude to anyone, anywhere no matter what? Habits, beliefs, ways of speaking that are pushy and obnoxious, driven by poverty and the fear of more poverty? It's a good idea to get rid of those, for your own happiness and peace of mind.

The other question is, what are the habits of the rich people you want to spend time with, so they'll value you an important member of the upper-crust elite just like they are? This part of the question assumes that your own caring and interest aren't enough for you to be taken seriously as a philanthropist, political activist, country club member, etc.... that you have to play a role to seem just like a blue blood, or they'll cast you out from the changes you want to make in society, or the golf games you'd like to enjoy.

The first part of the question seems respectful to you, but the second part seems to be very disrespectful to yourself.

The movie The Founder, about the life of McDonald's Roy Kroc, has a fascinating section showing how he totally failed to sell successful restaurant franchises to the country club set on the golf course. He had to go "down" a level in social class, to find the restaurant owners whose work ethic would ultimately let him "rise" to the level he wanted to be in for himself.

 

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[Philip Marlowe]

Was listening to an interview of Jerry Murrell, the founder of Five Guys. He was talking about how he still likes to sit on his porch and eat cold baked beans out of the can.

Just be who you are.

 

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[jon.a]

"Poor" was in quotes, but even so I find that hard to believe.

The majority of the world is not well off, are you telling me they are all miserable?

Start your own stupid socioeconomic thread.

 

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[Vigilante]

To get more back on track, when Mrs.jon and I got thrown to the wolves, I did buy us a business etiquette book.

I appreciate attempts to reach the next generation with etiquette lessons and things that are becoming a lost art to the Chipotle generation. Sophistication and etiquette are slowly fading from the United States.

 

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[Philip Marlowe]

Any specific book recommendation?

I really like "Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands". Yes it's primarily a sales book, but mostly it teaches you to be mindful no matter where you are on the planet.

 

[NanoDrake]

I appreciate attempts to reach the next generation with etiquette lessons and things that are becoming a lost art to the Chipotle generation. Sophistication and etiquette are slowly fading from the United States.

The simple gesture of pouring wine into the ladies glass is just absurd nowadays for a lot of people

 

[Kak]

What age group did you observe this in?

This is largely unheard of among millennials, especially the silicon valley types.

Who are we talking about here? The entire thread is about elite titans of industry (just like Charlie Munger from your avatar) not hoodie wearing millennial douchebags.

Who brought up millennials in silicon valley? Silicon valley might as well be a freak show Starbucks on a liberal university campus.

Millennials are broke 10 times out of 9.

 

[The-J]

The American elite... that's such a broad term. The 'elite' means different things in different places.

The elite (basically 3rd generation+ rich) don't care about money. I mean, they do... they just don't care about it like we do. Money is just a tool to make more of it. Money is a tool to help pursue their ideals and provide to the causes they believe in, political, religious, or otherwise.

The elite don't have dreams of 'not working' because they've chosen the career they want. They know that their family has enough money to keep them fed, clothed, and housed. They've escaped the Rat Race long ago... and entered a different race. They have different goals an aspirations: often in politics, arts, academics, or business.

The main goal for someone who is 'elite' is not wealth, but power, influence, or fame. They have the same need to be competent as anyone else, but they have a different barometer for that. When all their friends do awesome great things, they want to do them too.

Some elite children work day jobs. Regular jobs, like doctor or lawyer. They do it usually because they didn't have specific aspirations in the above areas, but are looked down on for doing nothing. (Note: every family is different, some families are OK with their kids doing nothing and blowing all their money on stupid shit, not most though! The time for that is college)

The elite look down on flashy displays of wealth. They see it as people who don't know what to do with their money.

The elite are VERY well-versed in the etiquette of various social situations: from business to pleasure. It's important not just as a signal, but as a gesture of goodwill. (This is often hard to grasp by those who aren't in it)

Source: I've met a few in college incl. their parents, I'm certainly not in it and don't really want to be, but the people I've met, I've liked. Super pleasant people. Not 'evil lords' like the media would have you believe.

Also this is a SUPER broad generalization, it certainly does not describe every 'elite'. They're just people, man, treat em like it, they're not aliens from another planet. They eat, shit, F*ck, and die just like the rest of us.

 

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[Ayanle Farah]

I guess this thread is about tips for better networking for people who want to continue building their wealth indefinitely.

 

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[IGP]

I have friends that I would consider upper class. Members at Augusta National, own castles in Ireland, wouldn't get out of bed for a 10% deal on their money - that type of wealth & influence.

Some of them came from nothing and made it to that level. Here is my advice, if you want to groom yourself other than obvious manner and etiquette stuff.

Start small: Instead of finding the best country club in your town to join, join a smaller one for a year or two (there is probably a waiting list anyhow if you can even get in the best ones).

Get into power groups: Get your way onto board of directors for anything you can. Your club, charities, social committees, local communities, etc. and build relationships.

If you have the money, buy assets you can "barter": Exclusive tickets to NFL, MLB, NBA, etc. (not for you to go to, but to give away to build social equity and favors). A Wheels Up membership: Get us a tee time at <insert famous club here>, I'll pay for the private transportation.

Just continue to do this up the ladder until you get to where you want to be.

 

[Guest3722A]

I have been invited to a grad party this weekend for the son of one of our wealthiest customers. Honestly, I'm an introvert and a loner for the most part. This is the last place I'd want to be. But this very customer has been instrumental in the growth of the business. This guy has put the word out to so many people which led to several more customers. The guy's great and very cool. But it's difficult for me to do this. My girlfriend is the people person. The extrovert. Its her forte and people love her. And she drags me into this stuff (lol)! Ugh.

 

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[ApparentHorizon]

Who are we talking about here? The entire thread is about elite titans of industry (just like Charlie Munger from your avatar) not hoodie wearing millennial faggots.

Who brought up millennials in silicon valley? Silicon valley might as well be a freak show Starbucks on a liberal university campus.

Millennials are broke and retarded 10 times out if 9.

Yeah let's forget Zucks, Page, Brin, Elon, Jobs, etc. They're all kale eating beta cucks with no manners.

 

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[WildHoneyTree]

Maybe try enrolling into a Finishing School once you have the funds for it. Probably one of those Swiss ones or even doing a summer program.
Sounds pretentious but may be a great way to learn all the high society skills you need in one place and also I imagine it would be a fantastic networking opportunity.

 

[TinyOldLady]

Who is more interesting conversation?

A CEO/Titan of industry...
Or
A data analyst for local bank...
Or
A loud beer drinking slob that paints his face for football games...

I'm far more likely to actually engage in and enjoy conversation with the CEO.

I don't know, the one who loves physics and science fiction is usually always interesting, can be anyone of the three. I hoped you would give explicit examples like: most CEO guys dance salsa or something like that

 

[Mattie]

I will come into wealth soon - I have tried hard to ditch all the etiquette of the poor class I grew up around, and there’s so much more to learn to fit in than just the money part! Thanks for any insight you guys have.

I think it comes with the territory. I have to laugh because I"m in the Netherlands and have been learning the last 5 year, I never paid attention to just how I used to hold the knife and fork eating. There's a difference in social etiquette all the way around the world, and of course different for every culture. I think there is some merit in the way you dress, present yourself, speak, write, and communicate, and it's a never ending story. I think online Millennial's display the playful costume attire, but if you showed up at a Millionaire's home for dinner, or upper class I'm not sure they would all agree that was proper etiquette, or a formal setting. There's a time and a place for different behaviors. That is common sense. All three social classes have different ways in their lifestyle from speaking, dressing, eating, coping skills, mind set, and of course there's a lot of personal growth, evolution, and psychological development in the mix.

While the world is changing everything, I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bath water. I kind of get fascinated with some of the things I see people doing, and I just sit back and think, "Hope that works out for you." And of course because I'm a natural revolutionist myself and rebel, I often here, "Everything Goes." Now sitting at a wealthy person's house as a guest, I don't think the person would enjoy the "Wild West Gang", doing anything in their home. I've been in wealthy people's houses, they followed me around everywhere making sure I didn't knock over anything, or damage things, and neat freaks. "Do it the right way the first time, or don't do it at all." There's merit in that advice. The lower class isn't going to respect property, materialism, and finances as much as the Upper Class. They don't find value in their own self worth or what do they have, so how can they respect someone who has nice things.

 

[IGP]

Wow, that's a horrifically stereotypical and insulting assertion...

As someone who grew up poor, I like to think that I -- and many of those I knew who were in similar financial circumstances -- had (and valued) my self-worth.

Not only that, but I know more happy "poor" people than I do happy "rich" people.

I'd rather be happy and poor, than rich and miserable.

 

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[Kak]

I'm glad to see you guys picking up a few books. I will pick those up too!

I see zero wrong with being able to roll in classy circles. I love being the best self I can be; and while I don't consider myself to be part of some aristocracy, I will admit I enjoy being around the wealth, power and influence.

I can recommend Dress For Success by John Molloy.

 

[Mattie]

"She's no lady... she's my WIFE."

I'm glad to hear wives still exist in 2018. I was starting to get worried.lol

 

[ApparentHorizon]

I have been invited to a grad party this weekend for the son of one of our wealthiest customers. Honestly, I'm an introvert and a loner for the most part. This is the last place I'd want to be. But this very customer has been instrumental in the growth of the business. This guy has put the word out to so many people which led to several more customers. The guy's great and very cool. But it's difficult for me to do this. My girlfriend is the people person. The extrovert. Its her forte and people love her. And she drags me into this stuff (lol)! Ugh.

Use your shyness/introversion to allow the person to speak. Talking about etiquette, not interrupting someone when they're talking about themselves, is the ultimate rapport builder.

 

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[ApparentHorizon]

Also google things about "old money" manners and style.

I think I scrolled too far...

I definitely recommend some type of finishing school if you can afford it.

If you're out of school already, might as well just pick up a couple of books and go straight to networking. Hire a tutor once a week if you need it that badly.

Just got this these dropped on me by my mentor:

- Buy people gifts related to their hobbies/interests, outside of business dealings. If you can't afford it, write a handwritten letter. A postcard if possible.
- Make an effort to introduce people that may benefit each other, without you having anything to do with any deal they make

 

[IGP]

I have met very few happy poor people in my life.

"Poor" was in quotes, but even so I find that hard to believe.

The majority of the world is not well off, are you telling me they are all miserable?

 

[Vigilante]

"Poor" was in quotes, but even so I find that hard to believe.

The majority of the world is not well off, are you telling me they are all miserable?

I would have no reason or interest to lie to you or anyone else.

This has been discussed Ad nauseam elsewhere and would derail this thread. Search The Forum for concepts like if money buys happiness...

You may find that topic of interest but that is not the purpose of this thread.

This is a super interesting topic.

 

[Guest3722A]

To get more back on track, when Mrs.jon and I got thrown to the wolves, I did buy us a business etiquette book.

Ordering. As someone who's been rough around the edges, I think this is something that would benefit us as well.

 

[NanoDrake]

helping them pick up the few girls that were in LKF on a Tuesday.

Man I miss these days... Ending up completely f+** up at the Dragon Eye
What a joyful place HK

 

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[Mattie]

Interesting proper etiquette things that I have observed, was surprised by, and began doing with my wife.

Man holds door for woman, but walks ahead of her into an establishment. Kind of a protective thing like the road side of the sidewalk.
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Man orders food for the woman. Kind of a pain in the a$$ but proper. "The lady will have X" she usually will answer any questions the waiter or waitress will have.

Man stands up at the table when a woman gets up to walk away or is about to sit down.

Man holds the chairs for a woman until she is seated, not just pull it out for her.

I'm glad to hear this. Nice some of us still have some morals, ethics, and values.

 

[Mattie]

I know many Millennial's are having a difficult time, and seem to be starting to follow me more and do my best to mentor them and turn them around in a different direction. Although this isn't always the easiest task, it's meeting them where they are, building rapport, their trust, and mentoring, being the example, and this means I lead by modeling behavior, so while they don't like my Generation X morals and ethics, and they ask "Why?" I have the patience to answer it, and they move in a positive direction. Which amounts to pushing them towards M.J.'s books. lol So it's kind of in a sense working with M.J. , because I teach about appropriate relationships, mental toughness etc. And he teaches to lift themselves up further financially.