The Entrepreneur Forum | Financial Freedom | Starting a Business | Motivation | Money | Success

Welcome to the only entrepreneur forum dedicated to building life-changing wealth.

Build a Fastlane business. Earn real financial freedom. Join free.

Join over 80,000 entrepreneurs who have rejected the paradigm of mediocrity and said "NO!" to underpaid jobs, ascetic frugality, and suffocating savings rituals— learn how to build a Fastlane business that pays both freedom and lifestyle affluence.

Free registration at the forum removes this block.

Lex DeVille's: 15 Days to Freedom - Make Money Copywriting in 15 Days or Less

IchiBan

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
192%
Dec 27, 2016
13
25
26
Forgot about the Q1 challenge.

I went out for a walk, trying to find one way I could help around my community. I found out that the local shoe repair guy's phone had died a while ago and he couldn't afford a new one.

I took my old, Nokia, which had been gathering dust for years and gave it to him. Completely free. It didn't cost me a thing, save a 10+ year old phone that wasn't doing anything anyways.


ANYWAY,

DAY 3:

1. I Lent my mom my copy of TMF . Fingers crossed.

Taking inspiration from Lifehacker's titles today. They are really good at this kind of stuff.

2. i.) 5 Habits Holding You Back, and How to Get Rid of Them.
ii.) "Work Hard, Save Diligently": 5 Lies They Tell You about Getting Rich
iii.) The Thousand Dollar Hour
iv.) The Real Secret To Success: Stop Reading, Start Doing <this may be the weakest one of all
v.) When Disaster Strikes, Don't Be Caught Unaware. Contact Safewise Insurance Today.

3. When Disaster Strikes

Danny has the perfect life. He works as a Network Administrator at a fortune 500 company where his hard work over the past 15 years is finally about to pay off, and he's on the fast track to being the next CEO. He's married to a bombshell blonde, has three children, Stefanie, George, and Michael, and lives in a beautiful mansion in a gated community.

But when you're at the top, there's only one direction left to go.

One night, drunk driver T-bones Danny at a junction and flees the scene, leaving Danny alone with his Mustang and a glitter of glass and metal parts in the street. By the time he arrives at the hospital, Danny's long gone.

His arch-enemy, Ethan, gets named the next CEO. His wife can't afford the payments anymore, and the bank is only too happy to take back the house. Stephanie has to drop out of Stanford to help her mom support her brothers.

Don't Repeat Danny's Mistakes.

Don't Make Your Family Suffer.

Contact Safeway's Insurance today, and secure your future.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

IchiBan

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
192%
Dec 27, 2016
13
25
26
Making my upwork account now ! Since I have no experience in copywriting do I set my hourly rate to 0?

Do they even allow you too do that?

@SinisterLex, is clickbait good form? It seems to be one of the most effective ways of getting massive amounts of attention.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
597%
Jan 14, 2013
5,351
31,935
Utah
@SinisterLex, is clickbait good form? It seems to be one of the most effective ways of getting massive amounts of attention.

Depends on what comes after it.

Clickbait uses unique angles to grab attention.

If the content that follows is shit, the prospect still won't buy.

It's about the experience.

Does the content give them what they hoped for or does it disappoint?
 

MJ DeMarco

I followed the science; all I found was money.
Staff member
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
445%
Jul 23, 2007
38,083
169,524
Utah
Just transferred a well-deserved $2K+ rep to @SinisterLex for the GOLD in this thread -- was shooting for $10K, Ill have to finish tomorrow. :happy:

Does the content give them what they hoped for or does it disappoint?

Ultimately this is for everything. If the product performs, no one will care if click-bait got the eyeball.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

dave773

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
255%
Dec 29, 2016
69
176
33
australia
Sorry if this is off-topic too much but MJ your avatar reminded me of this life experience.

I have worn orthotics (shoe inserts) all my life and all they did was F*ck up the balance in my body. Growing up I have been plagued with injuries playing sports and soccer but never understood why. It took a terrible experience of doing cartilage damage to my knee on a beach in Vietnam for some change to occur. At the time I was depressed because I was going to have to get surgery and cut my travels short. But hidden in this accident was something that changed my life.

After the surgery I bought new orthotics ($600!) and listened to the newly prescribed advice from my podiatrist. Despite the orthotics being fitted to me feet.. these orthotics caused more pain than the old pair and made matters worse! I would also wake up every morning with plantar fascitis..

So.. I decided to do my own research and found a doctor in the US who had his own website on health, well-being and body imbalances. His advice pretty much went against everything that is accepted these days. But I was willing to try anything.. so I following his advice.

3 months later I was off of orthotics, plantar fascitis gone, and able to run barefoot/shoes with no support. Still to this day people tell me (family and friends) that I am stupid for the shoes I wear now, that I need support, that I am doing damage to my joints. Even though my knee has 100% healed from surgery and my feet have no problems.

My whole life I was given a bandaid solution by professionals. It wasn't until I treated the underlying cause did I solve the problem.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
597%
Jan 14, 2013
5,351
31,935
Utah
Just transferred a well-deserved $2K+ rep to @SinisterLex for the GOLD in this thread -- was shooting for $10K, Ill have to finish tomorrow. :happy:



Ultimately this is for everything. If the product performs, no one will care if click-bait got the eyeball.

Thanks @MJ DeMarco ! You raving lunatic!

:clench:
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Tenu

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
74%
Sep 26, 2016
23
17
24
Sinisterlex, I have been going through your posts and what I would to ask is the emotion aspect of the headlines.
I understand the desire part but what is this emotion?
Can you show me an example of emotion
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
597%
Jan 14, 2013
5,351
31,935
Utah
Sinisterlex, I have been going through your posts and what I would to ask is the emotion aspect of the headlines.
I understand the desire part but what is this emotion?
Can you show me an example of emotion

Imagine you had lung cancer and the doctor told you that you had to stop smoking today or you would die. At first you ignore his suggestion because everyone is going to die anyway, or so we are told. You don't feel the real pain yet.

But then he says, if you don't stop smoking today, you're going to die next week. Suddenly you feel the pain. You feel the pain of how fast your life will end, and even worse, what that means for your friends and family who you'll be leaving behind. You feel their sadness. You imagine them crying over your body. Your child is heartbroken and your wife is left in shambles and all because you weren't willing to give up something as simple as smoking. How would that make you feel?

So what problem does your product solve? What happens if your customer doesn't solve that problem? What is the deep pain they will experience if they go on living life like they are right now without at least reading on to find out more information?

That pain is the emotion you are looking for.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Tenu

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
74%
Sep 26, 2016
23
17
24
Imagine you had lung cancer and the doctor told you that you had to stop smoking today or you would die. At first you ignore his suggestion because everyone is going to die anyway, or so we are told. You don't feel the real pain yet.

But then he says, if you don't stop smoking today, you're going to die next week. Suddenly you feel the pain. You feel the pain of how fast your life will end, and even worse, what that means for your friends and family who you'll be leaving behind. You feel their sadness. You imagine them crying over your body. Your child is heartbroken and your wife is left in shambles and all because you weren't willing to give up something as simple as smoking. How would that make you feel?

So what problem does your product solve? What happens if your customer doesn't solve that problem? What is the deep pain they will experience if they go on living life like they are right now without at least reading on to find out more information?

That pain is the emotion you are looking for.

Nice, I understand now
 

jarvisdiego

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
100%
Nov 16, 2016
36
36
Day 2 Challenge

"Get Her Number in Less Than a Minute!"
"How to Lose 20 lbs. in Two Months. Few Spots Available!"
"Decrease Your Mile by Ten Seconds with this Workout!"
"The Quick Guide to Sex"
"Learn C++ in One Month!"
"How to Become as Charismatic as Russell Brand. If You Buy Program Today, You'll Get 50% Off!"
"Just Tonight! Get Free Tickets to Any Cinema with Every Pair of Shoes You Buy"
"The Way to Get Rid of Performance Anxiety"

Took me about 30 min to come up with them. I am a beginner at this.

Any feedback would be appreciated ;)

L
 

jarvisdiego

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
100%
Nov 16, 2016
36
36
Day 3 Challenge

"Get the Body You Want in Less than 3 Months. Imagine Having the Body of Brad Pitt (In Troy) or Chris Hemsworth (in Thor), How Would Your Live be Different? This Program Isn't for Everyone. Only for Those Willing to See Serious Results. If You Want This Make Sure to Subscribe as Spots Are Filling up Fast! Click Here to Buy"

I am pretty sure I messed up in some areas. Especially with the uppercasing. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance ;)

L
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Day 7 | Mindset Lesson 3
How to be a Lord of the Sith.

Find your vision and build an empire!

Day 7 Challenge

Today we're reversing things a little.

1. Close your eyes and imagine the life you want to have. See the cars, houses, food, and whatever else you want to have when you've finally made it. Now blow that picture up, and put yourself in it as if it were already your reality, and just allow yourself to experience it. Experience the sights, sounds smells. Take it all in. This is your vision.

2. Take one action that moves you toward that vision.

3. Do all the other steps from yesterday's challenge, only this time do it from a position of power, as you now understand your vision. Don't just go through the motions. Do it with the knowledge of what your future holds if you take this serious RIGHT NOW.


That's it for today's mindset lesson.
Find your vision, take action and
reap the rewards. When you're
ready, continue to Day 8
Technique Lesson
3


1. I don't know about houses but the car I see is clearly a TESTAROSSA, BABY! Everything about it just scream class. I will be driving that whilst blasting synthwave for all and sundry to hear. :)
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMM8i5nIQ00

It even sounds like an investment opportunity. Regardless, if you're driving one of these you know you made it. Beats an old Ford Ka any day!
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1jB4vYji6A

I'll have a load of DASH (cryptocurrency) and not even worry about the fragility of fiat currencies.
2. Making my upwork profile today.
 

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Day 3 | Influence Lesson 1
The Butterfly Effect

We can never truly know the real impact of our words.​

Influence is inevitable.” – Unknown

Some of you may think this quote ridiculous.
Maybe you read it and say, “Inevitable? No way. I read Robert Cialdini’s book, and there’s no way I can be influenced now.”

But you are wrong.

Influence happens constantly. Consistently. All around us, all the time. It happens to us, and there’s not a damn thing we can do to stop it. Need proof? Stay awake until you fall asleep. Prove that you can’t be influenced by fatigue, and I’ll never write again.

I can make that statement with confidence because I know that you can be influenced, just as I can be influenced, and just as every other person can be influenced.

But this lesson isn’t about the fact that every single one of us can be influenced.

It’s to help you understand that every action you take, whether physical, mental, verbal or written, influences others, yourself, and the future as you know it.

That’s great, but how does it apply to copywriting?

This could very easily breach the realm of mindset, but this isn’t a mindset lesson, so let’s narrow it down to the words we write.

When was the last time you gave extreme consideration to how your words would be received?

Recall the last time you posted on this forum. Did you spend hours thinking about how people would respond? Did you wonder if your post would help someone instantly?

And did you also spend hours thinking about how people 5 years from now would be impacted when they read it? Or did you simply post it without much thought at all?

What if something you say today triggers a powerful chain of events leading to another Fastlane member’s freedom 3 years from now? How would that make you feel?

That’s the big picture with influence. That’s how it works. What we write today influences others long into the future, and we can never truly know how far that influence extends.

That’s why every word we write MUST have a purpose.

Influence is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it's always positive. If your writing sucks, or if you blindly write without structure, rhyme or reason, then your copy will negatively impact everyone who reads it for many years to come. But, if you write with intent, always moving toward a specific outcome, then you can practically guarantee you'll have a positive effect.

Good copywriters always keep influence in mind. They know it's not black & white. They know that just because a prospect doesn't buy today doesn't mean he won't come back tomorrow. That's why we always write every single word with a purpose.


Good copy doesn't just drive the sale today.
It plants seeds that drive sales tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day after that.

Alright, enough lecture.

Let's read some kick-a$$ example phrases that'll unlock your mind and
open doors to worlds you never imagined possible!


Influential Words that Sell Today

All of these words & phrases are commands that drive action and
influence your prospect to take the next step.

Buy Now.
Click here.
Join.
Get It.
Subscribe.
Submit.


Influential Words that Sell this Week

All of these words & phrases are commands that
influence your prospect by setting a deadline or
invoking the principle of scarcity.

Offer Ends Friday.
Offer Valid thru Friday.
Offer Good While Supplies Last.
Respond by Friday if You're Interested.
My schedule Fills by Friday.
Call Before Friday.
Order by Friday and Get [insert something here]
.
There's only a few slots left.
These tacos won't last long.
They're going fast!


Words that Influence Long Into the Future

These words & phrases are called idea seed planters. They
plant seeds of thought that grow either throughout the
length of your copy, or over a period of time with
repeat exposure.

Consider this.
Think about it.
Consider it.
Give it some thought.
Ponder it.
Mull it over.
Consider your options.
Maybe it's right for you.
What's the worst that could happen?
Imagine how you'll benefit.
Imagine what you'll gain.
Just imagine it.
Sleep on it.

Just
do
it​


There are way more phrases than this.


This is just a small sample of some of the words you can use to influence your prospects, readers, clients, & customers.

Influence is what copywriting is all about.

It's about taking the influence that's going to happen anyway, and giving it direction. It's not about manipulating people. It's about helping customers reach the outcomes they want, and also reaching your own outcomes at the same time.

Everyone should benefit.


To ensure your copy always packs the most powerful impact possible, write with the intent of influencing people throughout all concepts of time whether it's right now, this week, or 10 years in the future.

And always seek to have a positive impact on others.



Day 3 Challenge

1. Help someone. Solve a problem for someone. Do it without asking for anything in return just like yesterday, and just like the day before. Remember, it doesn't have to be something epic. Just something that impacts them positively in some way.

2. Write 5 new headlines that MAKE THEM STOP, and tap into your prospects desires & emotions.

3. Using your product or service, or something you make up, write a paragraph or two to your target customer utilizing the influential phrases you learned in this post. Consider using all 3 types of phrases for maximum impact, and remember to write with intent. Find ways to show how your product helps your customer while driving them toward the action you want them to take.

Do this before reading the next lesson, or don't keep going forward.

Now that you know that influence is inevitable you can
start writing copy with intent & purpose so you can
achieve your desired results in the shortest
time possible. Always write for positive
outcomes. That's it for this lesson.
When you're ready, continue
on to Day 4 - Mindset
Lesson
2

1. I couldn't post before today so back I go to the beginning. If I recall correctly I helped my brother install a suite of Adobe programs for his YouTube channel... all legally... of course. He was like a kid at Christmas time!

2.
Flask
NEW! Smooth to the Touch One Litre Flask - the PERFECT Size. BPA Free! No Toxicity!

Banana
Benson's Bananas! The FRESHEST, Most Potassium Filled Banana, Straight From Costa Rica! Your Health Will SKYROCKET!!

PUA Course
How YOU Can Stop Jerking Off and BANG a BLONDE BOMBSHELL.

Camera
At Last! Texa-Pixel Camera Means You Never Need to Zoom-In Again. Just Crop Later! Clarity Preserved!

Book
KILL Your Competitors

3.
Vitality Secret

As you know, potassium is crucial to heart function and
plays a key role in skeletal and smooth muscle contraction.
Benson's Bananas, unlike competitor brands, have been scientifically shown
to contain 67% higher potassium levels on average. This is a revelation.
Our mobility depends entirely on easy muscular function. Think about it...
With the high amounts of potassium hidden within Benson's Bananas, you will
go about your day with a SECRET WEAPON. Colleagues will wonder
just how you look so energized.

They Taste Terrific

"But what of the taste?" You ask.
My friend, it is known the best tasting bananas do indeed come from Costa Rica.
That is precisely the reason why we grow our tremendous trees there.
No where else would be as beneficial to the flavour.
Your bananas are softly cacooned in 76.5F (25C) weather all year round,
lovingly preparing them in the best possible way.
It is a benediction in fact.

They are going fast! And rightly so!
Buy Benson's Bananas now.

I think I wrote a sales letter by mistake. Holy sh*t this is fun. Time for a banana.
 
Last edited:

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Day 5 | Technique Lesson 2
F.U.C.C.C.
Fundamental Understanding of Core Concepts in Copywriting
or
K.I.S.S.
Keep It Stupidly Simple


Effective Copy Operates from Solid Foundations.

It doesn't have to be complicated, and you don't have to study for years. You can learn enough in a few minutes to improve anything you write. The more you practice the better you'll be, but you don't have to be J.K. to sell.

This isn't a comprehensive guide, and I can't teach everything in a post, but the stuff you're about to learn will help your copy flow more easily for you and your customers.

Before we start you should know that anything you write should be tailored to your specific audience, and also for the medium where it'll be read. For instance the format of a sales letter won't work very well for most website home pages, so you'll need to modify your style if you want it to look good.

Keep in mind none of these rules are absolutes.


Technique 1: Open with a Question

Why are questions so useful?

Because they draw us in and almost force us to find answers. We MUST know, so we drop a line &
keep reading to finally get closure. Make sure you don't answer the question in the same line or it loses its effect.

For Example:

"Do you ever have trouble hearing what other people say?
If so, then..."


By the way did you notice I did it to you at the beginning of this technique? ;)


Technique 2: Ask More questions

What happens if you ask another question instead of just giving the answer?

It has the same effect and keeps em' reading for more!

For Example:

"Do you ever have trouble hearing what other people say?
Do people sometimes tell you you're freakin' deaf?
If so, then..."

The longer they read, the more chances you have to influence. Be sure not to ask too many questions without offering a solution or you'll piss em' off.


Technique 3: Use Short Sentences

Short sentences move fast. The shorter the better. Eleven words or less is good. More than that and you slow things down. If you want to impact emotion, use short sentences. It speeds up their mind and makes em' want action.

That doesn't mean longer sentences can never be useful, and you'll find there are times when you really want your readers to slow down and grasp what you say. Use long sentences whenever you want to emphasize something, or when you want your prospects to consider a thought or idea more deeply. Use short sentences when you wanna speed em' up again.


Technique 4: Short Paragraphs


This technique is just like the one before it. Keep paragraphs short if you want to keep things moving effortlessly. Long paragraphs take longer to read, and they end up looking like a wall of text. People don't like walls of text.

Instead writer short paragraphs that are 3 lines or less. Sometimes this means increasing font size to fill up more space, or sometimes you have to decrease it or cut out words if you want it to fit.


Technique 5: Less syllables = Easier to Read

Are you aware of the astronomical quantity of citizens who are absolutely, cataclysmically, abominably mediocre when it comes to aptitude for comprehending the transcribed word?

It's pretty crazy, but seriously...

A lot of people suck at reading.

When we use less syllables our words are easier to understand.

My personal experience is that less syllables is usually better, though I've had a few clients who needed more intelligible writing for certain elite audiences. For most product copy, use less syllables and you can't go wrong.


Technique 6: Make Sub-headings Larger than Body Text

Large sub-headings are for people who like to skim instead of reading everything. When writing sub-headings make sure every word counts because it may be all your prospect sees. I can think of a thousand times when I only read the sub-headings and nothing more. But, if the sub-heading doesn't stand out by being larger, then it may not be seen at all.


Technique 7: Choose Where Each Line Ends

Most of us are used to writing sentences that continue the entire length of the page until they finally
return on their own. In copy it's a little different. In copy we still write across the length of the page but
we choose when to hit return so
we can carry our readers to the
next line.

See what I did there? The last examples were just for effect. The first two lines are how it
normally works. Oops, did it again. ;)

"finally..." - Reader asks, "finally what?"
"but..." - Reader asks, "but what?" and they read the next line for the answer.


Technique 8: Read that Shit Out Loud!

OMG... If you're not reading your copy out loud before going live, then it's no wonder you're not
getting the responses you want! When we read our copy out loud we can find subtle differences in the
wording that changes everything.

Sometimes when I write it comes out really wordy, but I don't know it until I read it out loud. Sometimes
I even have to read it about 10 times before it sounds good. When it sounds good out loud it usually
sounds good in our mind.

Any words that seem like they maybe don't necessarily need to be in the sentence, probably don't.


Technique 9: Speak to the Senses

We'll talk more about this one later, but I want to bring it up for those who are writing copy now. All humans think in terms of their senses all the time. That means sight, sound, smell, taste & touch.

If you want to connect with people, and you want them to experience what you have to say, then you have to write words that give them those experiences.

This is especially true for those of you pecking away at your keyboards, watching words fill up the screen while waiting for your Starbucks to cool after nearly spilling it across the floor because the over-enthusiastic Barista was too busy smiling at customers and forgot to add the cardboard cover to your scalding hot brew.

This is sensory-based language. This is also how you show the reader what you want them to see instead of telling them about it.


Technique 10: Use Action Language

This technique is last but it may be the most powerful of all.

Anytime you write copy you should be using the active voice...

Let's rephrase that.

Anytime you write copy use the active voice.

Feel the difference?

For starters, the active voice cuts out most extra words before you ever read out loud. Plus it allows you to direct the reader instead of letting them make their own choices.

"You should." is very different than, "You will."

"I think you should go over there." is very different than, "Go over there."

"I'll think about it." is very different than, "I'll do it."

Action driven language communicates with clarity.

There's a time and a place for passive language, but most of the time write for action.

If you're selling a product or service, then drive action from the start so your reader gets used to being directed, and by the time they reach the end of your copy they're ready to follow your lead...

Order Now.
Reply.
Join.


This list isn't even close to complete.
There's tons of techniques that aren't mentioned, and probably a zillion that I don't even know about. Still, these should be enough to give you a working foundation so you can get started and get feedback. Once you have feedback you can adjust as needed.


Day 5 Challenge


1. Solve a problem for someone. No matter how big or small, and don't ask anything in return.

2. Write 5 headlines for a real product that MAKES THEM STOP!

3. Write 5 influential sentences using the lessons from day 3.

4. Take 1 action you are most afraid of. Just do it.


5. Type a page of copy selling a real product, using a good headline, subheadlines, & the techniques listed in this lesson.


||||||
||||||
||||||

Okay, Day 5 is done and you're still here!
Great! If you're actually following the
steps, then you're probably making
real progress! When you're
ready, continue to Day 6
Influence Lesson
2







1. Corrected some typos on a copywriter's home page! She was greatful. I followed up asked her to check out my upwork profile and be harsh. She said it was cocky and to rewrite it so that's what I will do.

2.
The NEW BLACK+DECKER Compact, Cordless Drill. Because YOU Appreciate Quality!
Quick! Children are Going Crazy for This Electrifying Sekonda Fabric Strap Watch.
It Sounds Amazing! No Static Noise Like Competitor Brands! Audio-Technica Wired Headphones. For the True Audiophile.
Save Your Health. Truvia Sweetener is Superabundant in Stevia. You Won't Believe It's Not Sugar! It's Zero Calories. Try Now.
Revealed! How This One Secret Design Factor of New Microsoft Wireless Keyboard Enables You to Avoid Wasting 1 Hour of Your Time, Daily!

Am I capitalizing in the right places? Hmm. Are these headlines too long? I find it hard not to go into full-blown over the top advertiser mode. How can you dial that down? Is that even a bad thing?

3.
Sell today:
Our Phones are Flying off the Shelves! Secure Your Brand New Model Before It's Too Late By Clicking HERE.

Sell this week, scarcity:
Order Before March 26th and Recieve a Complimentary Spare Watch Strap!
Stock is LIMITED Due to Warehouse Capacity! (Given them a reason why to increase credibility)

Influencing long into the future:
Imagine the long term benefits.
Realize just how much of a deal this offer holds.

4.
Will redo my upwork profile without self-sabotage - mentioning lack of experience.

5.

It Sounds Amazing! No Static Noise Like Competitor Brands! Audio-Technica Wired Headphones. For the True Audiophile.


Silence on Demand

Do you ever need to drown out background noise so you can relax? Imagine just flicking a switch to activate the power of QuietPoint noise-cancellation technology. Active Mode reduces environmental noise by up to 90%. With your new headphones' easy-access switch, you can do just that.

Works With or Without a Battery

Long flight? Don't worry about running out of battery. You won't feel the disappointment of
dead headphones because in Passive Mode you will experience the same auditory high fidelity sound as
you did in Active Mode.

Price

You know that we don't compromise on the quality of our headphones. We want your ears to be satisfied. So how are our prices so low? Well, unlike our competitors we care about the customer and pass on the
savings we make through efficient production methods to YOU.

Speaking of caring...

Did you know that wired headphones are better for your health? It's true, we are cheaper than
our competitors because we don't use wireless technology. This means you are safe with us as
no electromagnetic frequencies will be bombarding your brain unlike our greedy competitors.

What do they do?!

Yes! Our rivals will sink to any level, using any new technology they can grab with their unscrupulous, dirty hands to charge a massive premium and eschew the health concerns of the customer.
Here at Audio-Technica, it is not so. We care about treating your ears, we care about being upfront, and most of all we care about YOU.


Bag a Bonus

We have a limited supply of bonus hardcases that will only go out with the first
one hundred orders. Buy Now.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

mirabdolbaghi

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Mar 12, 2017
44
52
32
Malaysia
Day 2

I'd like to share my headlines for your honest and brutal critique:

Personal training
“Stop Messing About And Be The Sexy Confident You, Now!”

Magic mushrooms
“Heaven In A Dose”

Foam Roller
“Improving Range Of Motion Improves Athletic Performance. Use This Tool If You Want To Win!”

NLP mind training
“Get Your Brain On Your Side To Get What You Want!”

Pull-up bar
“Forge Your Back Into Iron Every Time You Walk Out Your Room!”
 

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Day 2

I'd like to share my headlines for your honest and brutal critique:

Personal training
“Stop Messing About And Be The Sexy Confident You, Now!”

Magic mushrooms
“Heaven In A Dose”

Foam Roller
“Improving Range Of Motion Improves Athletic Performance. Use This Tool If You Want To Win!”

NLP mind training
“Get Your Brain On Your Side To Get What You Want!”

Pull-up bar
“Forge Your Back Into Iron Every Time You Walk Out Your Room!”

Love 'em. Maybe the last one could be improved. If it's obviously a pull-up bar I'm less likely to read, as opposed to "Forge Your Back into Iron with This SECRET WEAPON!" Then you can mention the work is daily in the actual post and not the headline. People only want to know if they "Make Thousands, DAILY!" and not working daily. ;)

Got my first hire on Upwork! $5 for one hour writing about betting exchanges, 4000 characters. Did 5500 and very high quality info, hope he will write some great feedback.
 

mirabdolbaghi

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Mar 12, 2017
44
52
32
Malaysia
Love 'em. Maybe the last one could be improved. If it's obviously a pull-up bar I'm less likely to read, as opposed to "Forge Your Back into Iron with This SECRET WEAPON!" Then you can mention the work is daily in the actual post and not the headline. People only want to know if they "Make Thousands, DAILY!" and not working daily. ;)

Got my first hire on Upwork! $5 for one hour writing about betting exchanges, 4000 characters. Did 5500 and very high quality info, hope he will write some great feedback.

Thanks for the criticism and congrats on your first work. I'm applying for content writing currently as I am not confident with copywriting yet
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
597%
Jan 14, 2013
5,351
31,935
Utah
Day 2

I'd like to share my headlines for your honest and brutal critique:

Personal training
“Stop Messing About And Be The Sexy Confident You, Now!”

Magic mushrooms
“Heaven In A Dose”

Foam Roller
“Improving Range Of Motion Improves Athletic Performance. Use This Tool If You Want To Win!”

NLP mind training
“Get Your Brain On Your Side To Get What You Want!”

Pull-up bar
“Forge Your Back Into Iron Every Time You Walk Out Your Room!”

Headline 1
The word "About" is too formal for most audiences and sort of strips the emotion. Who is this for? Men? Women? How old? "Sexy Confident" is good, but it's not clear to me who this is for, so I can't picture myself as "sexy confident" because I don't have any context for that image.

Headline 2
This headline might make sense as long as you put an image in the background of what it's about. By itself it's very vague, but if the target audience already knows why they're on your site, then it's no problem. The word "Dose" falls a little flat for emotional appeal. I don't know much about mushrooms, but I don't associate the word "dose" with "shroom" so it would probably be more impactful if you used something like "Heaven in a Cap" since mushrooms have caps and if I'm not mistaken, that's the part you eat.

Headline 3
This headline doesn't make sense to me. This shouldn't be a headline, it's more like a call to action that should come later in the text. I do like that the targeting is a little more clear. This is for athletes who want to improve performance. The word "tool" doesn't make sense for the audience because athletes don't usually use tools. They use "equipment" or "gear" but usually not tools.

A couple of questions:
• What is the biggest most common problem the foam roller solves?
• How do you use a foam roller?
• How specifically does it help improve athletic performance?
• What kind of athletes should use it?

Is it for athletes with sore backs? Does it relieve aching muscles? This headline should address the actual problem so they understand how it helps them "win." Make sense?

Headline 4
This one is good. I like where you're going with it. If the audience knows they're on a website that has to do with NLP, then this one makes sense. :)

Headline 5
The interesting thing about pull up bars is they sort of give you a total body work out. Not just back, but shoulders, chest, abs etc. It might be worth mentioning a total body workout in the headline. I like how you mention walking out of the room since these bars usually hang above the door. That creates a good picture in the mind.
 

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Headline 1
The word "About" is too formal for most audiences and sort of strips the emotion. Who is this for? Men? Women? How old? "Sexy Confident" is good, but it's not clear to me who this is for, so I can't picture myself as "sexy confident" because I don't have any context for that image.

Headline 2
This headline might make sense as long as you put an image in the background of what it's about. By itself it's very vague, but if the target audience already knows why they're on your site, then it's no problem. The word "Dose" falls a little flat for emotional appeal. I don't know much about mushrooms, but I don't associate the word "dose" with "shroom" so it would probably be more impactful if you used something like "Heaven in a Cap" since mushrooms have caps and if I'm not mistaken, that's the part you eat.

Headline 3
This headline doesn't make sense to me. This shouldn't be a headline, it's more like a call to action that should come later in the text. I do like that the targeting is a little more clear. This is for athletes who want to improve performance. The word "tool" doesn't make sense for the audience because athletes don't usually use tools. They use "equipment" or "gear" but usually not tools.

A couple of questions:
• What is the biggest most common problem the foam roller solves?
• How do you use a foam roller?
• How specifically does it help improve athletic performance?
• What kind of athletes should use it?

Is it for athletes with sore backs? Does it relieve aching muscles? This headline should address the actual problem so they understand how it helps them "win." Make sense?

Headline 4
This one is good. I like where you're going with it. If the audience knows they're on a website that has to do with NLP, then this one makes sense. :)

Headline 5
The interesting thing about pull up bars is they sort of give you a total body work out. Not just back, but shoulders, chest, abs etc. It might be worth mentioning a total body workout in the headline. I like how you mention walking out of the room since these bars usually hang above the door. That creates a good picture in the mind.

Would you critique mine too SinisterLex? :D
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
597%
Jan 14, 2013
5,351
31,935
Utah
2.
Flask
NEW! Smooth to the Touch One Litre Flask - the PERFECT Size. BPA Free! No Toxicity!

Banana
Benson's Bananas! The FRESHEST, Most Potassium Filled Banana, Straight From Costa Rica! Your Health Will SKYROCKET!!

PUA Course
How YOU Can Stop Jerking Off and BANG a BLONDE BOMBSHELL.

Camera
At Last! Texa-Pixel Camera Means You Never Need to Zoom-In Again. Just Crop Later! Clarity Preserved!

Book
KILL Your Competitors

Flask
BPA Free and no toxicity are good benefits. The word "NEW!" doesn't make sense unless I'm already super familiar with the flask brand. I don't regularly buy flasks, so that probably wouldn't be the case. Most flasks are smooth to the touch, so this doesn't highlight anything that would make me want to learn more. Where's the curiosity element? Why should I care about this flask at all? There's 10,000 BPA free flasks to choose from on Amazon.

Banana
This suffers the same challenges as the flask. It basically says the same thing as every other banana brand. If I were going to write headlines about a banana I'd capitalize on the Costa Rica part and describe more about that. It needs more sensory detail like, "100% Organic Hand Plucked Bananas from the Shores of Costa Rica" or something like that. You could also describe other elements of Costa Rica such as blue skies or the smell of salt water etc.

PUA Course
Hmm, to me this headline isn't terrible, but right now it feels more like something I'd see on a porn site ad. Porn sites always have those little ads off to the right that try to get you to click on them and they use very similar headlines. For a PUA Course you need something less direct and more secretive. The whole idea of PUA centers around seduction, which is subtle and sneaky and persuasive and charming and charismatic and suave. All of these are words which define part of the worldview for the target market. This is how they want to see their self, and that's why they buy into a course like this.

Camera
This one isn't too bad. You should strengthen the idea of never zooming again. Why is zooming a problem in the first place? What makes zooming so bad that they would need a new camera? When you answer that you'll have a much stronger headline.

Book
I'll assume this is a business book since we're on a business website. "KILL your competitors" doesn't tell me much. It doesn't cause me to wonder if the book is for me, so I wouldn't care, but it might be appealing to the right person. It doesn't define anything about me or a feature I might want since I don't care about competitors at all. It does play on a problem, which is having competitors, but there's nothing to cause me to STOP and give it my attention. That said, it might be okay if you get it in front of people who care about competing!
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

The Merry Mystic

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
119%
Mar 18, 2017
16
19
England
Flask
BPA Free and no toxicity are good benefits. The word "NEW!" doesn't make sense unless I'm already super familiar with the flask brand. I don't regularly buy flasks, so that probably wouldn't be the case. Most flasks are smooth to the touch, so this doesn't highlight anything that would make me want to learn more. Where's the curiosity element? Why should I care about this flask at all? There's 10,000 BPA free flasks to choose from on Amazon.

Banana
This suffers the same challenges as the flask. It basically says the same thing as every other banana brand. If I were going to write headlines about a banana I'd capitalize on the Costa Rica part and describe more about that. It needs more sensory detail like, "100% Organic Hand Plucked Bananas from the Shores of Costa Rica" or something like that. You could also describe other elements of Costa Rica such as blue skies or the smell of salt water etc.

PUA Course
Hmm, to me this headline isn't terrible, but right now it feels more like something I'd see on a porn site ad. Porn sites always have those little ads off to the right that try to get you to click on them and they use very similar headlines. For a PUA Course you need something less direct and more secretive. The whole idea of PUA centers around seduction, which is subtle and sneaky and persuasive and charming and charismatic and suave. All of these are words which define part of the worldview for the target market. This is how they want to see their self, and that's why they buy into a course like this.

Camera
This one isn't too bad. You should strengthen the idea of never zooming again. Why is zooming a problem in the first place? What makes zooming so bad that they would need a new camera? When you answer that you'll have a much stronger headline.

Book
I'll assume this is a business book since we're on a business website. "KILL your competitors" doesn't tell me much. It doesn't cause me to wonder if the book is for me, so I wouldn't care, but it might be appealing to the right person. It doesn't define anything about me or a feature I might want since I don't care about competitors at all. It does play on a problem, which is having competitors, but there's nothing to cause me to STOP and give it my attention. That said, it might be okay if you get it in front of people who care about competing!


Thanks Lex. OK, so we have to make them STOP and really think about which attention grabbing words we use otherwise they will pass by the headline or worse "NEW!" literally gives them a reason NOT to open it because we're bombarded with so much information and need a quick way to filter useless stuff out... stuff which is NEEEW! We have to make sure not to give them a single reason to pass by... gotta appeal more to their senses and their sense of self to spike their curiosity. Also make sure not to list benefits which aren't unique.

So with the camera product the major benefit would be time saving. Obvious, but I missed it before. Make sure the customer knows the benefit:
At Last! Texa-Pixel Camera Means You Capture Shots INSTANTLY. No Time-Wasting Zoom-In Necessary. Your Perfect Photos in Obscenely High Resolution: Just Crop Later! Clarity Preserved! Never Miss a Shot Again!

Is there an upper bound for headline length?

For the book I see what you mean: the audience has to be called out or given an in-joke so they know it is for them and not just generic. It's inspired by "Kill Phil" and "Kill Everyone," which are a couple of poker books, the key being that Phil Helmuth is famous, and whilst good, regarded as exploitable. He has some funny moments blowing up on TV. So in those two words, assuming you're in the poker section of amazon or your bookstore, you recognise the joke and it instantly hooks you. You know this book is specifically for you. It also comes back to the emotion factor in that the title is schadenfreude and as we know from Cashvertising LF8, this taps into "winning, superiority." "Kill Phil" also plays off pop culture "Kill Bill." So much power in those two words. It's as if the viewer says "Yeah, I get those jokes, I'm part of the in-crowd." and feels good about buying the book. I love this sh*t.

Had to get on a video chat with an Upwork staff member. They'd locked my account and I had to prove I was human since I had no previous jobs listed on my profile. I slipped through the matrix system, muhaha.
 

mirabdolbaghi

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Mar 12, 2017
44
52
32
Malaysia
Headline 1
The word "About" is too formal for most audiences and sort of strips the emotion. Who is this for? Men? Women? How old? "Sexy Confident" is good, but it's not clear to me who this is for, so I can't picture myself as "sexy confident" because I don't have any context for that image.

Headline 2
This headline might make sense as long as you put an image in the background of what it's about. By itself it's very vague, but if the target audience already knows why they're on your site, then it's no problem. The word "Dose" falls a little flat for emotional appeal. I don't know much about mushrooms, but I don't associate the word "dose" with "shroom" so it would probably be more impactful if you used something like "Heaven in a Cap" since mushrooms have caps and if I'm not mistaken, that's the part you eat.

Headline 3
This headline doesn't make sense to me. This shouldn't be a headline, it's more like a call to action that should come later in the text. I do like that the targeting is a little more clear. This is for athletes who want to improve performance. The word "tool" doesn't make sense for the audience because athletes don't usually use tools. They use "equipment" or "gear" but usually not tools.

A couple of questions:
• What is the biggest most common problem the foam roller solves?
• How do you use a foam roller?
• How specifically does it help improve athletic performance?
• What kind of athletes should use it?

Is it for athletes with sore backs? Does it relieve aching muscles? This headline should address the actual problem so they understand how it helps them "win." Make sense?

Headline 4
This one is good. I like where you're going with it. If the audience knows they're on a website that has to do with NLP, then this one makes sense. :)

Headline 5
The interesting thing about pull up bars is they sort of give you a total body work out. Not just back, but shoulders, chest, abs etc. It might be worth mentioning a total body workout in the headline. I like how you mention walking out of the room since these bars usually hang above the door. That creates a good picture in the mind.

Thanks for the comprehensive reply! I'll try to improve them down below

Headline 1

When I had my short stint as a personal trainer, I tried to get anyone I can get haha. But I see your point, more targeted audience more sales.
New Gym goers who have no idea about exercising:
"Stop Mindlessly Exercising, Work With Me If You Want To See Results "
"90% Of New Gym Members Quit After One Month. Is This You?"

For Young Ladies Who Want To Be Sexy:
"No, Cardio Won't Give You Lady Gaga's Butt. Do This For That Sexy Body"

For Men Looking To Get Big:
"Those Bicep Curls Won't Do Shit. Grow Like Hulk NOW!"

Headline 2

Heaven In A Cap sounds way better although if I'm being an autistic nerd I would say that you eat the whole thing and lots of it lol.

"Explore Inner Worlds"
"Imagine Dreaming Awake"

Headline 3

"Injuries Prevent High-Level Performance. The Foam Roller Will Make You A Superior Athlete!"
"Roll Out Your Muscle Knots And Perform Better!"
"MMA Fighters Who Are Worse For Wear: Get This Gear To Fight On!"

Am I Being Too Vague With These Headlines? Thanks Again For The Inpu!
 

mirabdolbaghi

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Mar 12, 2017
44
52
32
Malaysia
Day 3


Glass Jug


“Be The Envy Of All The Housewives At Your Next Dinner Party!”


Imagine serving your drinks in this homemade glass jug at your dinner party. The ladies will be asking you if IKEA is selling them. Just think about how they’ll tug on their husband’s sleeves to bring them to the shop!


Get our glass jug before Nov 14 and you’ll get complimentary glasses. Our glass jugs are mouth-blown into a classic hourglass shape with a thick handle.



CBD Oil


“The “Miracle” Oil That Reduces Inflammation And Pain. Sleep Like A Baby After Consuming This!”


Do you suffer from arthritis, sclerosis or fibromyalgia? Then you might think about getting CBD oil as a solution to your problems.


Consider this. 1-2 drops in your mouth and your pain goes from a roar to a murmur. Imagine if you used to hate going up the steps but now it’s no problem. Wouldn’t you call that a miracle? If you or your loved ones are suffering in pain, then you must consider CBD Oil as an alternative painkiller.



Book On Flat Earth


“The Ancients Knew The Truth And Your Masters Are Hiding It From You! Read Why The Earth Was, Is And Always Will Be Flat!”



Consider this. Everything told to you by scientists and politicians are lies to keep you down and in check. Would you dig deeper? If you answered yes, read on about why you need to get this book.


I’m sure you agree that if facts support the claim, then it doesn't matter how outlandish it is. This book is filled with stone-cold facts that the earth is flat and I will share some of them with you soon. But first I want to warn you that the truth is scary and you should only buy this book if you really want to know the truth.



Coding Bootcamp


“Learn What Professional Web Developers Know And Get A Job In 8-Weeks!”


APPLY NOW! Our classes are sought after worldwide and we have limited seatings! Only 35 people are accepted per class but if you apply before the semester starts you will get 15% off. Imagine working for a top technology company in two months of applying!


The internet world is growing fast and the wizard programmers are the ones building it. They are applying their knowledge to shape the future and they are getting paid loads for it. You should know… this knowledge is not inaccessible or hard to understand. It’s widely available on the internet but there are way too much information and no clear road. How do you know what to learn to gain paying clients and turn recruiters’ heads? That’s where we come in…



Indie Rock Album


“The Sound Of The Skeptical Cynical Millennials”


Get this album if you like: The Strokes, Mac Demarco, Tame Impala


The young are tired and dissatisfied but have no idea what to do about it. This album captures the energy of the generation so well that it is bound to be loved by those in the know( the pizza guy who’s tired of being shit on, the waitress with painful heels, the stoned black sheep of the family). It is surprising that even with all this realism, they manage to sound so fun and catchy.


Their music is, for lack of a better word, cool. Imagine going on a date with that girl you’ve crushed on for so long. Imagine playing this in the car as you drive back from the restaurant and her turning to you with a big smile on her face as she chirps,” Oh my god! I love this song!”.


That’s Stalagmite helping you out. That’s the band pushing the night in the right direction. That’s the soundtrack of the two of you comforting each other, saying F*ck you to the whole corrupted, f*cked up world. Get this album now before everyone hums their tune. Ironically that is exactly what’s going to happen. Stalagmite is too damn cool to be down and out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enjoying the guide and the community. Hope to receive more comments my way, I'm happy to learn from the best.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

mirabdolbaghi

Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Mar 12, 2017
44
52
32
Malaysia
You know what's up buddy! The truth will out...

I just watched a podcast about it while doing the guide haha. Don't really believe it but a martial artist I admired was talking about it...
Got a job for $7 to write a 600 word article. If all goes well the client will be ordering 2 more articles.
SinisterLex, is it a benefit to scoring a copywriting gig by getting job ratings outside of copywriting?
 

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post new topic

Guest post submissions offered HERE.

Latest Posts

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top