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- Dec 1, 2013
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I had to reply to this thread because the last three weeks or so have been relationship hell for me.
I've been in a very long term relationship, 10 years, and lately she has gotten cold, emotionally and physically. She used to talk of marriage and kids and now she speaks of marriage like it is a prison. Mind you that I do not often bring it up. She brings it up all the time. I tried talking to her about what she really wants but she never gives me a straight answer. I told her I bought a ring and was considering proposing to gauge her reaction ( bad idea most likely as I killed the surprise element but I thought she had seen the ring, she said she did not though so I feel like a moron ) but she said she was not ready. Now, had I actually manned up and asked her she may have said yes. To all you married men, did your lady ever play games like this? On one hand she is always asking where the relationship is headed and such, but then she is also acting like marriage terrifies her, yet we live as if we are married. Marriage seems like the right step to take but if we are running into this trouble now, should I end this? This would be very hard to end, I mean we are so close, likely closer than most married couples but I feel like I blew it by not proposing years ago.
Any ideas or can anybody here relate? I find most people push for ending relationships at the first sign of trouble but in reality love takes works, esp after 5, 6, and 10 years. If we made it so far without getting married, could the formality of making it official really destroy all we have together?
Suffice it to say that overtime infatuation morphs into deeper connection and friendship and sometimes things are hard while you grow together but we have never been through anything like this. She seems genuinely scared about where we are heading, has talked about moving out but never taken any action, etc. She openly tells me she loves me though and says she feels sad if she thinks about us breaking up. She wants to cuddle with me but not much more. I'm 99.99 sure there is no infedelity but the situation does make me feel insecure. She stopped taking her birth control pills, how on earth should I read that?! She says she feels frustrated, stuck, depressed, and fears that I have relied on her too much and that I need her. Funny because she has always leaned on me. Now she sees me as the weak one not unlike the OP. I have arrived at an impasse. Worst of all I have no idea what started her on this, no event I can tie to her sudden mod change.
I've been in a very long term relationship, 10 years, and lately she has gotten cold, emotionally and physically. She used to talk of marriage and kids and now she speaks of marriage like it is a prison. Mind you that I do not often bring it up. She brings it up all the time. I tried talking to her about what she really wants but she never gives me a straight answer. I told her I bought a ring and was considering proposing to gauge her reaction ( bad idea most likely as I killed the surprise element but I thought she had seen the ring, she said she did not though so I feel like a moron ) but she said she was not ready. Now, had I actually manned up and asked her she may have said yes. To all you married men, did your lady ever play games like this? On one hand she is always asking where the relationship is headed and such, but then she is also acting like marriage terrifies her, yet we live as if we are married. Marriage seems like the right step to take but if we are running into this trouble now, should I end this? This would be very hard to end, I mean we are so close, likely closer than most married couples but I feel like I blew it by not proposing years ago.
Any ideas or can anybody here relate? I find most people push for ending relationships at the first sign of trouble but in reality love takes works, esp after 5, 6, and 10 years. If we made it so far without getting married, could the formality of making it official really destroy all we have together?
Suffice it to say that overtime infatuation morphs into deeper connection and friendship and sometimes things are hard while you grow together but we have never been through anything like this. She seems genuinely scared about where we are heading, has talked about moving out but never taken any action, etc. She openly tells me she loves me though and says she feels sad if she thinks about us breaking up. She wants to cuddle with me but not much more. I'm 99.99 sure there is no infedelity but the situation does make me feel insecure. She stopped taking her birth control pills, how on earth should I read that?! She says she feels frustrated, stuck, depressed, and fears that I have relied on her too much and that I need her. Funny because she has always leaned on me. Now she sees me as the weak one not unlike the OP. I have arrived at an impasse. Worst of all I have no idea what started her on this, no event I can tie to her sudden mod change.
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