Need opinions on a landing page!

[Martinv678]

I read on a Zen post and in the 4HWW to test an idea first by creating a landing page and using paid traffic and capture form to see if its fills a need within an industry.

I wanted to see if people here have any thoughts on how the landing page could be improved. I think design tweaks are needed, as that is already one piece of feedback I have been given.

Basically I believe there is a need because I did some travelling and needed a service like this and have also asked other travellers as well and have said they would use it for sure but it's always best to test first.

Any how the page is ....

http://www.packandleave.com

Many thanks.

 

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[Andy Black]

First thing when analysing (or creating) a landing page is to know how you're going to get people to the page, what those people were doing at the time, and what you promised them before they hit the page.

Is it the visitor one of your friends who loves travelling, and knows you do too?

Or was it someone who read some guest post on a blog that they enjoyed, then read your author bio, then hit the landing page to learn more about xyz?

Did they search on a search engine for something related to travel (what was that search?), what did your ad promise them, and why did they click?

Were they checking in with friends on Facebook, see your "ad" (or sponsored timeline thingy? Sorry, I don't do Facebook advertising) because they "like" something related to travel?

Does the landing page experience match their expectations?

IMO, you need to work out how you're getting someone to the page, why they would want to visit the page, and then you can judge how well the landing page does it's job of giving them what they want.


Related post: https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...stake-2-our-landing-pages-dont-convert.52617/

 

[JamesSJ]

For me... (sorry it's all quite negative)

• Too much text.
• No one is going to read all of that - make it more concise
• The headline and sub headline feel/sound too stuffy... needs to be more vibrant. Pluck my emotional strings!
• Picture is pretty dull - there are so many beautiful shots you could use in place of this to evoke emotion (Sunsets in Bali, Temples in Thailand, mountains in Pakistan etc etc)

I knocked up this image quickly to show how something shorter and to the point might work.

 

[Mattie]

I read it twice and forgot by the time I was done reading what your aim of the site was. I had to look again the third time whether it was about social network, or traveling, and asked me where I came from and where I was going? I may not be going anywhere. I might be going somewhere, but please tell me where I should go. Like what is going to captivate me. Use examples of where to go to grab my attention. Not that you should use this, but use some hidden place for an example: http://theculturetrip.com/europe/fr...-an-abandoned-railroad-in-the-heart-of-paris/

Oh, I've never heard of this place, how cool! I was reading what you said, That secret ware house party! Where in New York, it's not advertised anywhere, and word of mouth. People love the mystery. Something other people don't know about. Places that aren't already advertised everywhere.

If you're asking about me, and where I come from, well you better tell me something about where you come from and who you are. It's a social network right. You should be my first new best friend. Not literally, but you are the door man. The guy dressed in the red suit and carries my bags through the hotel lobby and tells me what a wonderful time I'm going to have on Fantasy Island.

Keep mum out of it. Mum don't need to know my life story.

 

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[Martinv678]

Thank for both the pieces of advise. Both are great pieces of advise and which I will take on board now and start making changes. As i'm only going through Google adwords at the moment I know the kinda thing people will be looking for so have based the landing page around that.

James thank you for the advise regarding design and copy I am going to make these adjustments right away. Also thank you for creating a little example. It's hard creating these because I feel I need to tell exactly whats going to be on the site rather than small bullet points but understand I need to cut this down.

 

[Andy Black]

Be careful of the AdWords policy for "Information Harvesting"...

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

This is a very convoluted idea I still don't understand it.

Like Mattie, I had to re-read all of it several times and I still don't get it -- maybe I'm just dumber than the average bear.

Advice? You don't see if people would buy by asking them if they would buy... you see if people are going to buy by asking them to buy.

In this case we don't even know what the product is and you're asking us if we would buy it?

Don't be discouraged, though! Try again!

 

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[Martinv678]

Be careful of the AdWords policy for "Information Harvesting"...

Andy... what a legend thanks for pointing this out.. Beginners mistakes.

 

[Martinv678]

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

 

[Martinv678]

Don't be discouraged, though! Try again!

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

 

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[LightHouse]

Yeah I think you have most of the points covered here. I would wonder if testing this with PPC is really worth it, because its a passive thing (another social site) vs a product that really really solves a need now that I need yesterday, i would be interested to see how many people actually opt-in.

 

[Martinv678]

Thanks for all your opinions it has really helped. I have re-adjusted and got more sign ups!