How to fight the desocialization

[road_runner]

I have reached a point where i realized that my further growth is not happening as i am not getting much back from life. I work at home as kind of freelancer, (have two jobs) i can do them in 4-5 hours a day both and get paid good money. I can no longer find motivation to keep earning. Let alone developing further. I have enough money , living in a poor country working for foreign companies with no boss and no working time. I have started to feel gloomy and even sad. I lack social contacts, the few friends i have are all sidewalkers and no one shares my goals. So even if i spend some time with them it's far from quality one.
I was thinking of going for some evening courses or stuff like that, but can't find anything that is at least a bit useful to me. Signed up for a gym+swimming pool but i can't stand going in peak hours after work. So when i go during the day there is almost no one else there, as most people have to be at their office and i again ended up not communicating with anyone.

I can't seem to break this circle, i make money, i can save up to 25k euro per year without a slightest problem, i am interested in what i do. I have a house paid off, new car that is almost paid off.
However outside of work and material stuff i am completely lost. I have a wife and a kid but each day i feel more detached from them.

To me it looks like i have forgotten how to enjoy life.
I would appreciate any advice on how to get back into feeling the beauty of life, when i was a kid i remember i was able to.

 

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[cautiouscapy]

Road_runner what did you do in your free time when you were employed?
(Assuming you were once working for someone else?)

I''m short of local friends who share my goals, even after investigating networking events locally. Personally, that's why I joined this forum, (not that I'm really participating fully so far).

 

[Bigguns50]

the few friends i have are all sidewalkers and no one shares my goals

I, and many others feel the same. This is one reason why we're here....for each other.

So when i go during the day there is almost no one else there, as most people have to be at their office and i again ended up not communicating with anyone.

I'm at the gym 4-5 days/wk. I go about 3:30 pm. It's slow, but people start coming in around 4:00. This way I'm already into my workout, and I just make an effort to start talking with people. I stay focused on my training, but it's nice to socialize a little.

I have a house paid off, new car that is almost paid off.

Me too....truck is paid off also.

Does your Wife work ?

To me it looks like i have forgotten how to enjoy life.

It happens. What's the area like where you live ? You said it's a poor country. Are there things to do for fun with your family ? Vacation maybe ?

I've been down the past few months too. Here, the country is not poor....just me for the time being. This is difficult because there are a LOT of fun/expensive things to do.

So you're comfortable. I've fought this before...comfortable feels dangerous. I don't know you well yet so I'll just put out some thoughts.
You need goals. Are you REALLY living how you want to ? What if you moved to a different, better part of the country ? How about out of the country ? Somewhere where people DO have the same mindset as you. I've investigated this here in the U.S. and I'm going to visit some cities this year that I feel I will be happier in.

Keep us posted. You can PM me if you need.

 

[road_runner]

Road_runner what did you do in your free time when you were employed?
(Assuming you were once working for someone else?)

I''m short of local friends who share my goals, even after investigating networking events locally. Personally, that's why I joined this forum, (not that I'm really participating fully so far).

I used to play basketball was pretty decent at it. Problem is the people i did it with play very early before work hours like 8 am. At this time i am supposed to take kid to kindergarden.

To be honest once i was working for someone else in office i had better social life, but could not get to work two jobs and have tons of free time (not like i know what to do with it)

 

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[road_runner]

I, and many others feel the same. This is one reason why we're here....for each other.



I'm at the gym 4-5 days/wk. I go about 3:30 pm. It's slow, but people start coming in around 4:00. This way I'm already into my workout, and I just make an effort to start talking with people. I stay focused on my training, but it's nice to socialize a little.



Me too....truck is paid off also.

Does your Wife work ?


It happens. What's the area like where you live ? You said it's a poor country. Are there things to do for fun with your family ? Vacation maybe ?

I've been down the past few months too. Here, the country is not poor....just me for the time being. This is difficult because there are a LOT of fun/expensive things to do.

So you're comfortable. I've fought this before...comfortable feels dangerous. I don't know you well yet so I'll just put out some thoughts.
You need goals. Are you REALLY living how you want to ? What if you moved to a different, better part of the country ? How about out of the country ? Somewhere where people DO have the same mindset as you. I've investigated this here in the U.S. and I'm going to visit some cities this year that I feel I will be happier in.

Keep us posted. You can PM me if you need.

Wife works yes, full time after the sorry attempt for business (in one of my other threads).

Yes indeed i am comfortable, so i often think why push more - for bigger house and newer car?
What i really enjoy is traveling. However not keen on solo traveling and wife working doesn't give much options.
Kid got sick 3 days ago and we had to cancel another trip we have planned.

About moving to another country - i will lose my competitive advantage. Now i provide same quality (i am in IT) for cheaper price, due to taxes here being 10 % flat rate. And i will always be a foreigner, i spent couple of months in England for example and couldn't get used to their way of living.
I am from Europe - the Balkans, so the temperament here is quite different from most of the countries i have been to.

 

[XOthermic]

drink and be merry first and get all that out of your system...

Then stop to think about problems that you have or problems in the world and then solve them.

 

[cautiouscapy]

Once you have kids I know your priorities and the hours you can socialise change.
Have you looked for other basketball clubs/groups? Or, say, volleyball, soccer?
Or is your town too small?

I'm unclear, are you living in your own Balkan country or have you moved away?

 

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[Bigguns50]

What i really enjoy is traveling. However not keen on solo traveling and wife working doesn't give much options.

THIS should be motivation. What if....you helped enough people...made enough $$ that your Wife could quit her job and the 3 of you...and sometimes 2 of you could travel whenever and wherever you want. Don't want a bigger house or newer car ?... good...travel ! Enjoy !

 

[Jimmyy]

I have reached a point where i realized that my further growth is not happening as i am not getting much back from life. I work at home as kind of freelancer, (have two jobs) i can do them in 4-5 hours a day both and get paid good money. I can no longer find motivation to keep earning. Let alone developing further. I have enough money , living in a poor country working for foreign companies with no boss and no working time. I have started to feel gloomy and even sad. I lack social contacts, the few friends i have are all sidewalkers and no one shares my goals. So even if i spend some time with them it's far from quality one.
I was thinking of going for some evening courses or stuff like that, but can't find anything that is at least a bit useful to me. Signed up for a gym+swimming pool but i can't stand going in peak hours after work. So when i go during the day there is almost no one else there, as most people have to be at their office and i again ended up not communicating with anyone.

I can't seem to break this circle, i make money, i can save up to 25k euro per year without a slightest problem, i am interested in what i do. I have a house paid off, new car that is almost paid off.
However outside of work and material stuff i am completely lost. I have a wife and a kid but each day i feel more detached from them.

To me it looks like i have forgotten how to enjoy life.
I would appreciate any advice on how to get back into feeling the beauty of life, when i was a kid i remember i was able to.

Read Icecreamkids thread on Zendolphins secret about sharing the icecream. It really applies to socialising and relationships as much as it does to business. Give value, love the world. Be the guy who organises stuff, makes things happen. The guy who makes the party, starts the club or books the holidays. Help other people socialise and it will help you.

 

[IceCreamKid]

Read Icecreamkids thread on Zendolphins secret about sharing the icecream. It really applies to socialising and relationships as much as it does to business. Give value, love the world. Be the guy who organises stuff, makes things happen. The guy who makes the party, starts the club or books the holidays. Help other people socialise and it will help you.

This post pretty much sums up the entire ice cream thread haha

 

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[road_runner]

Once you have kids I know your priorities and the hours you can socialise change.
Have you looked for other basketball clubs/groups? Or, say, volleyball, soccer?
Or is your town too small?

I'm unclear, are you living in your own Balkan country or have you moved away?

I live in the biggest city - 2 mln population, it's not the people, it's me that's the problem

 

[road_runner]

THIS should be motivation. What if....you helped enough people...made enough $$ that your Wife could quit her job and the 3 of you...and sometimes 2 of you could travel whenever and wherever you want. Don't want a bigger house or newer car ?... good...travel ! Enjoy !

To be honest, even if i made enough for this, i would not want my wife with me 100 % of the time (if i continue to work from home). This is how i feel after she refused to listen to me about her business (i invested there and lost all). It's not that i don't love her but i lost some respect for her.

I want to have other social contacts outside of family.

 

[road_runner]

This post pretty much sums up the entire ice cream thread haha

Yeah, i have read most of it, to be honest i feel good when i help random people. But i don't do it for money or expecting anything in return. It's not like i am providing a service to them or whatever.

 

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[road_runner]

drink and be merry first and get all that out of your system...

Then stop to think about problems that you have or problems in the world and then solve them.

Drinking causes terrible headaches, so no thanks, i will pass, i don't do drugs or drinks)

 

[mentalic]

I have a couple of suggestions for you. Since I am at a similar situation (I think that I live in the country that is Southest from yours and starting with the letter G.).

Concerning the 'similar mindset' problem: Try to network as much as possible. Go at startup or business networking events. You might be surprised about the people that you will meet there.

Concerning the 'having fun' problem I suggest that you find something that you are really happy to do and go for it. Maybe a hobby like biking or snowboarding or whatever. Some things that we forget to do as we age is having fun.

 

[Blueskies4me]

There's a book I just finished by Brendon Burchard called The Charge... it's free just pay shipping. Go to www.thechargebook.com. It has some great perspective changers that aren't just about motivation but making sure that you're plugging in EVERY area of your life to feel charged not disconnected. It may change how you see things.

 

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[brob742]

This post pretty much sums up the entire ice cream thread haha

And of course get drunk

 

[Kak]

I would normally rather be alone or with the wifey, so for me desocialization is fun with the exception of fastlane people. Go to the next B&P. Hands down my best friends have come from this forum.

 

[road_runner]

I have a couple of suggestions for you. Since I am at a similar situation (I think that I live in the country that is Southest from yours and starting with the letter G.).

Concerning the 'similar mindset' problem: Try to network as much as possible. Go at startup or business networking events. You might be surprised about the people that you will meet there.

Concerning the 'having fun' problem I suggest that you find something that you are really happy to do and go for it. Maybe a hobby like biking or snowboarding or whatever. Some things that we forget to do as we age is having fun.

To be honest i have always wanted to go to one, but since i am not in the phase of starting a business i never thought i belong there. I enjoy being a freelancer - lot's of free time and flexibility. Money is so far enough and stable (let's hope it will stay like this until i figure out next step)

Are there people who are not yet into business that go to such events?

 

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[road_runner]

I would normally rather be alone or with the wifey, so for me desocialization is fun with the exception of fastlane people. Go to the next B&P. Hands down my best friends have come from this forum.

I am not yet of the desired level to be there, or at least i don't feel worthy of joining it as i can't contribute. Being in Europe doesn't help too

 

[smarty]

I am not yet of the desired level to be there, or at least i don't feel worthy of joining it as i can't contribute. Being in Europe doesn't help too

stop the "I'm not good enough" autoplay! You are worthy if you just decide that you are worthy. It's called entitlement. Give yourself permission. You're asking here for suggestions but it seems whatever suggestion people give to you, you want to find a "but..." excuse.

-First of all, you need to let go of the anger and/or resentment with your wife and understand that without a good vibe at home, nothing else is worth. Without peace at home, you can't have inner peace. Move your focus back to the good things toward her, not the flaws, and have a healthy (win-win) communication.

-Second, talk about your issue with someone close to you (or wife if you want). I have the same issues as you have regarding to social life and whenever I randomly talk to someone, it just makes me realize that most people have the same anxiety in different levels.

-Focusing in the present moment helps a lot and removes a lot of anxiety when talking to new people. Whenever you go, don't think what is going to happen more than 10 minutes ahead. Dividing your time in 10 minute chunks keeps you still and focused and removes a lot of pressure and anxiety.

-If there are business events at your town, you are lucky. I'm a programmer myself and here there are no such events. Go there and chat with random people, who knows who you will connect with. You don't have to be running a business to feel like you belong there. You belong because you have similar interests, you both hate mediocrity and you all are trying to move things forward. You go there to learn, connect and have a good time.

If you're not getting the results that you want, chances are your emotions are not in your side. So you're going to have to get yourself a little bit uncomfortable as often as you can. Take short travels to nearby cities, visit places you've never been to. Know that you're still the same kid, but now you've placed all those limitations. Time to remove some of them.

We are not cut from a different cloth, although we seem to like to think so...

 

[RogueInnovation]

Some of that will linger around, but I find the best thing to do to shake things up is to take a risk, test myself, and put myself in a harder scenario.
Then you'll WANT to go back to comfy living, but don't! Just increase the pace, little by little and you'll start feeling better.

Most depression is just about choosing to be stagnant, and playing too safe, use your desire for more in life as coal you burn that gets you there.

Don't lay down!

 

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[Blueskies4me]

Seriously...I'll say it again. Read the book The Charge. He actually talks about getting out of the disassociated mindset. He lists like 10 things that people who seem to always be full of life have made a conscious effort to instill and surround themselves with.

When I went through my divorce a few years ago, I felt incredibly disconnected. I felt like no one in the world felt the same desire to be more. I connected with nobody and everything lost it's appeal. I could not be happy even though I seemingly had all of the elements to be happy. The book changed my direction and my thoughts about living a fulfilled life.

 

[Get Right]

There is a song about this - something like "you lost that loving feeling"

Love others. Throw Judgement aside...(really, Judgement is holding you back here).

Teach, share. You have some great sparks in what you have shared on the forum, fan them.

...and ask a mod to change your thread title to "How do I re-embrace the world?"

 

[road_runner]

stop the "I'm not good enough" autoplay! You are worthy if you just decide that you are worthy. It's called entitlement. Give yourself permission. You're asking here for suggestions but it seems whatever suggestion people give to you, you want to find a "but..." excuse.

I realized that this is a valid point, i think too much in Ifs and Buts , i will come back to this thread after i do some action.

Seriously...I'll say it again. Read the book The Charge. He actually talks about getting out of the disassociated mindset. He lists like 10 things that people who seem to always be full of life have made a conscious effort to instill and surround themselves with.

I am trying to find a way to get it quicker, i am putting it high on my list for sure

Teach, share. You have some great sparks in what you have shared on the forum, fan them.

...and ask a mod to change your thread title to "How do I re-embrace the world?"

Great sparks? seems my self-esteem is a bit lower then I spend most of the time reading, rarely i comment here, as i want to make sure it's a valuable post, not just posting for the sake of it

 

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[Blueskies4me]

I am trying to find a way to get it quicker, i am putting it high on my list for sure

Ok...just be careful...activity isn't necessarily action like standing in the desert 500 yards from a 5 star resort serving fancy cucumber water and saying you would rather stay there and drink the sweat out of your shirt because it's right there. Just don't spend too long sucking...

 

[Get Right]

<<<Here is the situation i am in: I live in a poor economy and have two highly paid jobs which i can do from wherever /whenever i want, as long as i cover my duties. This results in top 2 % income for my country (like 55k $ after taxes).>>>

Think anyone else might live in a poor area and be interested in getting to the top 2%?

 

[road_runner]

<<<Here is the situation i am in: I live in a poor economy and have two highly paid jobs which i can do from wherever /whenever i want, as long as i cover my duties. This results in top 2 % income for my country (like 55k $ after taxes).>>>

Think anyone else might live in a poor area and be interested in getting to the top 2%?

This one is an interesting suggestion, and would definetely move me out of my comfort zone, as i am used to not telling people the little workarounds i am good at. It's a bit risky that my employers will find out i have another job and the reaction would not be good for me.
But might make it different - time management is something i am really good at. I do two jobs and part of the housework as a rest in 8 hours and even go to lunch with friends some times. My work quality doesn't suffer from this at all

 

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[road_runner]

So just dropping a quick update, Indeed action makes me feel better.

i got the book. Will start reading it tomorrow

I also listed several things on a local site similar to amazon and it's intriguing experience i have managed to sold one already.
Listened to Pat Flynn's podcast on the couple that makes about 100 k per year profit selling clothes on amazon, and i got some interesting ideas that i am going to try out. I am sitting almost all day in front of computer so selling stuff over the internet should be additional fun. (Obviously money is not good but experimenting with what sells and what not is the interesting part)

I am also seriously wondering if i shall start learning Spanish, it's not that difficult and i will meet new people at least. It's evening classes so i am expecting mature people there, not teenagers or kids.

 

[road_runner]

Seriously...I'll say it again. Read the book The Charge. He actually talks about getting out of the disassociated mindset. He lists like 10 things that people who seem to always be full of life have made a conscious effort to instill and surround themselves with.

When I went through my divorce a few years ago, I felt incredibly disconnected. I felt like no one in the world felt the same desire to be more. I connected with nobody and everything lost it's appeal. I could not be happy even though I seemingly had all of the elements to be happy. The book changed my direction and my thoughts about living a fulfilled life.

The book turns our to be golden for me, i am still reading it but it makes so many valid points.
I seriously lack the new stuff in my life, i started small steps in this direction and the results are promising.
Now i understand why i felt so good after i sold some 50 dollar items - it was not the money , but it was the new experience for me that made me feel great.