Just Stolen! - Please Critique My Sales Page

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Fellow fastlaners: I just launched my sales page of a training aid for golf players.

It is almost done. I will add a banner on top of the sales letter with a picture of the product + a picture
of a man looking straight at the viewer smiling. In that banner there will also be a couple of bullets with benefits.
I'm also planning to add a bonus package at the bottom of the page.

Other than that, it seems to be pretty much done.

Please go in and critique my sales page, I would truly be honored to hear your honest and sincere opinions!

The page can be found at:

How To Hit The Ball Farther

JAWS · Feb 28, 2013

Good work! It looks great, and seems to have pretty good copy. Are the testimonials legitimate?

I scrolled through it because I am an avid golfer, and nothing really STUCK OUT to me. By scrolled I mean I took 20 sec on the site. Maybe think about bolding the important parts or shortening your headings so they stand out more? But obviously your good leads will take more time on the page.

The Heavy Club does not sound like it is going to help me much. It just sounds like the medicus (or whatever the original heavy club is).

Also, are you testing the direct link to paypal? Do you have a landing page? I like the fact that your minimizing sales steps but don't know if people will like it...

Cheers

Astute · Feb 28, 2013

Call me pedantic but:

- There were quite a few spelling mistakes / typos that hit me straight away. "not only increase power and lenght"

- I went to order your club and it took me to a Paypal page in Swedish. I am not Swedish. I do not understand Swedish and I do not want to buy products in Swedish. I am sure you can get around this problem.

- "P.S. If you're serious about becoming a better player, you should order today if you don't want to wait. We don't have many in stock at the moment and it will be a while before our next shipment." I don't like this. Why will it be a while for your next shipment? Do you have problems with suppliers? Are you having cash flow problems? I think it would sound better if you put something about it being in such demand they may have to wait a while.

And lastly, if you are serving the golfing community worldwide, how come on your contact page you only ask people to call you between a certain time? Tell them to send you an email and you will reply promptly, and not mention anything about phone numbers. But to tell your customer they can only call between times that may not be convenient to them is a bit 'iffy' for me.

leavingslowlane · Feb 28, 2013

in your headline that starts "introducing the heavy club..." the word "length" is misspelled.

CommonCents · Feb 28, 2013

Several videos of it in action will be great. Have pros and joes hit it along side comparable clubs. Or to take out any bias, have the golf swing robot hit the club compared to other clubs. I think that is your selling point. Selling verbage works more for in-tangible products/services, whereas photos and video are especially important for tangible products. "Where's the beef?!" "Show me the money!"

Steve W · Feb 28, 2013

As noted by others there are lots of spelling mistakes, also your paypal page is in Swedish - don't know if this is your setting or theirs but definitely not what I expected to see...

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Thank you so much for taking the time to review it!

JAWS: This is my landig page, and my sales page. I thought that was the same thing

.
And Oh My God, I didn't know the Medicus even existed! Matter of fact, when I first developed this club,
I didn't even know there were other heavy clubs available. I first realized that after I had already put mine into production.

I got the idea from a basketball that had the weight of 4 or 5 regular basketballs for wrist-training.
Little did I know that it was already a well-known phenomenon in the golfing community.

Good call on the sub-headlines though! And what you said about nothing sticking out.
I'll defenatly look into that.

-------------

Astute: Thanks for pointing out the spelling mistakes!
The copy that has been put up is merely a draft and I havn't had the time to run a spell-check on it yet.

Good call on the PayPal checkout being in Swedish! I thought it only was in Swedish for me since I'm located in Sweden.
Will see how I can fix that.

What you said about the P.S. is also good. It makes sense, it does sound kind of odd.

About the phone number: Since I don't want to be called in the middle of the night by someone from the other side of the planet,
I wrote down the regular office hours in central european time. My thought was just that it is better to have some chance of getting me/the company on the phone than to have none at all. Especially to make the customers feel more at ease.

---------------

leavingslowlane: Yes, thank you for that observation. Will fix it a.s.a.p.

-----------------

CommonCents: Have thaught about that too. And now when you say it, it totally makes sense.
THAT is exactly what I need to do. I don't need a wall of text to sell it, all I need is pretty much a great video or two explaining all the benefits and showing the customers my USP.

Cheers!

------------

Steve W: I'll be right on it!

MJ DeMarco · Feb 28, 2013

Wow, it looks pretty cool ...

WHO wrote the copy?

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

MJ DeMarco said:
Wow, it looks pretty cool ...

WHO wrote the copy?

Thanks!

I wrote the copy myself, but borrowed some ideas from Gary Halbert's old letters.

MJ DeMarco · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
Gary Halbert's

Ahh, good ole Halbert, a DM legend.

stolpioni said:
but borrowed some ideas

Did you "borrow" some ideas from anywhere else?

And who is "Jack"? Your signature on the sales letter says "Jack" and not Jim.

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

MJ DeMarco said:
Did you "borrow" some ideas from anywhere else?

And who is "Jack"? Your signature on the sales letter says "Jack" and not Jim.

Sure, I borrowed lots of ideas.
Does it? If you look closely enough, it can also be read "Joe C".

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
Sure, I borrowed lots of ideas.
Does it? If you look closely enough, it can also be read "Joe C".

That is quite a stretch, I can't read that signature to be "Joe C".

If you just rolled this out, how can you claim "100,000 users since 2010" ?

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

Looks kinda the same to me.

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Runum said:
Looks kinda the same to me.

They're pretty similar, yes.

By the way how did you find the site with "Jack Moorehouse"?

Vigilante · Feb 28, 2013

Looks to me like you might have "borrowed" quite a bit. I punched in the site from the other URL.

The formatting is all the same.

Did you get permission from the other site? If you are reselling his program, it's probably not an issue.

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
They're pretty similar, yes.

By the way how did you find the site with "Jack Moorehouse"?

My special mod powers, maybe?

Do you know what copywrite laws are and how they may apply?

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Vigilante said:
Looks to me like you might have "borrowed" quite a bit. I punched in the site from the other URL.

The formatting is all the same.

Did you get permission from the other site? If you are reselling his program, it's probably not an issue.

The general look is very much alike, however all the pictures, the logos, the background and the body copy is completley different.

Runum said:
My special mod powers, maybe?

Do you know what copywrite laws are and how they may apply?

No, not really. Now the bottom of the page is changed (had no time to do it before), so
now nobody can't really claim that it's the same website. They look similar, but they are still different.

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
Fellow fastlaners: I just launched my sales page of a training aid for golf players.

It is almost done. I will add a banner on top of the sales letter with a picture of the product + a picture
of a man looking straight at the viewer smiling. In that banner there will also be a couple of bullets with benefits.
I'm also planning to add a bonus package at the bottom of the page.

Other than that, it seems to be pretty much done.

Please go in and critique my sales page, I would truly be honored to hear your honest and sincere opinions!

The page can be found at:

How To Hit The Ball Farther

Just quoting the original post in case it gets altered.

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
The general look is very much alike, however all the pictures, the logos, the background and the body copy is completley different.

No, not really. Now the bottom of the page is changed (had no time to do it before), so
now nobody can't really claim that it's the same website. They look similar, but they are still different.

Seriously dude, you totally copied this guy's site and tried to pass it off as your own. You didn't even take the time to change the sig before pumping it. You insulted us and stole copywrited material.

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Runum said:
Seriously dude, you totally copied this guy's site and tried to as it off as your own. You didn't even take the time to change he sig before pumping it. You insulted us and stole copywrited material.

Don't take it personal dude. It's just business..

Vigilante · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
They're pretty similar, yes.

By the way how did you find the site with "Jack Moorehouse"?

Life is too short. I would take it down.

If it was that easy for Runum to find it, this guy is going to find it (especially now that his name will index because of this thread).

You are inviting trouble. My strongest advice, if you have something to sell, is knock down the site and build something organically.

Runum · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
Don't take it personal dude. It's just business..

You tried to dup us, I take that personal. Theft is not my business but it may be yours.

You need to do the right thing and man up. Take the site down and apologize for your mistake. We all mess up and have to own up to our stumbling.

MJ DeMarco · Feb 28, 2013

stolpioni said:
It's just business..

Sorry bro it isn't "just business" - it's borderline theft. It also speaks volumes about your integrity, or lack thereof. Perhaps I should steal something YOU put your heart-and-soul into and when you whine about it being stolen, I could just chirp "its just business".

Runum said:
If you just rolled this out, how can you claim "100,000 users since 2010" ?

Still waiting on that answer but I wonder, is this *claim* (or lie) "just business" too? If you have 100,000 users, you would have made $9.7M on this program at 97 bucks a clip. At that kind of profit, you should be selling $10K per head marketing seminars, not golf programs.

Copyright infringement isn't Fastlane - it's being a lazy a$$.

stolpioni · Feb 28, 2013

Vigilante said:
Life is too short. I would take it down.

If it was that easy for Runum to find it, this guy is going to find it (especially now that his name will index because of this thread).

You are inviting trouble. My strongest advice, if you have something to sell, is knock down the site and build something organically.

Yea you're probably right. I'll handle it tomorrow..good night!

Vigilante · Feb 28, 2013

This totally worth reviewing, by the OP and anyone involved in internet marketing :

Digital Millennium Copyright Act - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

MJ DeMarco · Feb 28, 2013

Wow, and hey look at this!

When I click on your FAQ page, EVERY SINGLE LINK at the bottom of that page links directly to "HowToBreak80.com" proving you didn't *borrow* anything -- you flat out copied some other dude's website.

So I guess to answer your original question...

stolpioni said:
I would truly be honored to hear your honest and sincere opinions!

My honest and sincere opinion is you need to take this down IMMEDIATELY -- and then start over FRESH. Go pay $19 for a template somewhere -- add your copy and bam, you have something that is truly yours.

Copying someone else's graphics and structure (in the same freaking industry no less) is totally uncool and grounds for an a$$-whooping from some copyright attorney.

LightHouse · Feb 28, 2013

Common affiliate tactic, another lazy a**hole who isn't providing the world anything. Furthermore, too lazy to even finish copying someones work (which was probably also copied) and fixing it up. Now you just burned your bridge on a valuable forum.

FCC is cracking down HUGE on this stuff with stiff fines.... I'll let them find it though.

Ignore list +1

MJ DeMarco · Feb 28, 2013

LightHouse said:
Common affiliate tactic, another lazy a**hole who isn't providing the world anything.

Yea, I'm wondering if the actual product is also stolen from someone else, or even the copied *victim*.

LightHouse · Feb 28, 2013

MJ DeMarco said:
Yea, I'm wondering if the actual product is also stolen from someone else, or even the copied *victim*.

its a well taught "tactic" or "strategy" of wanna be affiliate marketers or CPA guys. The type that are literally too lazy to do anything besides copy LP's, buy shit links or run mass link programs and hope things work out to make a few bucks, rinse and repeat. They think they are so "black hat" by doing this shit, when really its just fraud and the FCC has been coming down very hard the last two years. They will see this in a matter of weeks if it is left up.

TheTruth · Mar 1, 2013

stolpioni said:
Don't take it personal dude. It's just business..

ahahah... you seem to have stumbled upon the wrong forum, you were looking for this: WarriorForum - Internet Marketing Forums

On a serious note, there is a reason this community is so tightly bundled together. There is a certain unspoken code around here and that is why we trust each other so much.

Doesn't matter how well respected you are around here, if you do or say something stupid, you get called out on it. This is why it's hard to get in and stay in, which makes the people committed to work harder and provide even more value.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday, it's what your doing today.

With that being said, Man up (or Women), take down the site, admit you made a mistake and you were chasing money. Then come back here and show us the blood and guts you put in to make a comeback.

Don't "try" though, either do it or get out.

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Just Stolen! - Please Critique My Sales Page

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