Why are many people "bullies" or abusive and not good? Theory

[Deleted85763]

I know most people are good but still there are many people, at any age, who bully or try to hurt others through negative comments, etc.. Why do they do that? I believe the answer is very simple:

So the hurt person is removed from competition or is less of a competitor. By competitor I mean anyone who competes for any resources - money, power, friends, respect, etc..

Now, I want to change the world culture in this respect. Hey abusers, the end results are the same if you do good! Yes that sound nuts but it's true. Let me explain. When you do good for people the good must be bestowed upon you. The goodness can, and does, cause people to to behave in ways to where they are not the competitors they once were.

I know this works like a charm because it has worked for me. I went above and beyond for someone and they thought something was "fishy" because no one behaves like that so they gave me the rewards! The rewards were substantial. That's nuts but it's true. Try it! Spread the world - bullies can be way more effective being nice to everyone!

 

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[Abrodos]

I know most people are good but still there are many people, at any age, who bully or try to hurt others through negative comments, etc.. Why do they do that? I believe the answer is very simple:

So the hurt person is removed from competition or is less of a competitor. By competitor I mean anyone who competes for any resources - money, power, friends, respect, etc..

Now, I want to change the world culture in this respect. Hey abusers, the end results are the same if you do good! Yes that sound nuts but it's true. Let me explain. When you do good for people the good must be bestowed upon you. The goodness can, and does, cause people to to behave in ways to where they are not the competitors they once were.

I know this works like a charm because it has worked for me. I went above and beyond for someone and they thought something was "fishy" because no one behaves like that so they gave me the rewards! The rewards were substantial. That's nuts but it's true. Try it! Spread the world - bullies can be way more effective being nice to everyone!

I'm a high school teacher and have been working with kids for several years.
There's a lot of research on this topic, therapies to help reconcile bullies and bullied people, etc. Usually in kids and teens the bullying behaviour comes from a deep feeling of envy and resentment towards everyone around, that condenses in the most vulnerable person available. Usually it's somehting like "why can he be happy/have a supporting family/live in a nicer place" and not me?", so the answer is to try to spread/share the suffering. Most of the times it's done unconsciously, usually therapy works by helping to identify those feelings.

 

[Deleted85763]

I'm a high school teacher and have been working with kids for several years.
There's a lot of research on this topic, therapies to help reconcile bullies and bullied people, etc. Usually in kids and teens the bullying behaviour comes from a deep feeling of envy and resentment towards everyone around, that condenses in the most vulnerable person available. Usually it's somehting like "why can he be happy/have a supporting family/live in a nicer place" and not me?", so the answer is to try to spread/share the suffering. Most of the times it's done unconsciously, usually therapy works by helping to identify those feelings.

It's a complex suject but I was just giving a very broad, but highly effective, solution for anyone who cares to try it. There are many bullies who are on a "track" where nothing is going to straighten them out. In my life all the bullies, both as adolencents and adults, have soonere than later suffered greatly as a direct result of their behavior. Just reading in the newspaer all the trouble serious trouble they got in over the years is no surprise.

I do believe to my complete staisfaction, as noted, above that by doing good, having goodwill, etc. does work wonders for anyone who practices it. The reverse is also true.

 

[Mac]

I would say it doesn't just happen as kids; it happens throughout life... even in the workplace. If you're struggling with this, then learn more about frame control. When people try and undermine you by one-upping you in the workplace in an event to gain power over you, you need to deflect through re-framing the situation.

It signifies that they see you as a threat because they're insecure about you. It can happen in business circles (mastermind groups), friendship circles, as well as among coworkers.

It's usually a sign that they feel threatened you will make more money than them, or you will look smarter than them or potentially be seen as more valuable than them. If it's somebody that you don't rely on (a boss for example, or a key client) and they're trying to manipulate you, for example somebody at a bar... just ask them why they're being so insecure.

Be willing to walk away at the end of the day and make sure you're the one who has the least to lose. Sometimes they will even be family members or people close to you. In any event, be prepared to remove them from your life if they keep trying to undermine you.

 

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[gryfny]

I once read this book by this journalist about how most people are actually good people. It really changed my mind. Maybe you should check it out, it's called Humankind by Rutger Bregman. I don't like the guy, and I don't agree with him on most subjects. But this book was quite eye opening, and it really changed how I perceive others.

 

[Kevin88660]

I know most people are good but still there are many people, at any age, who bully or try to hurt others through negative comments, etc.. Why do they do that? I believe the answer is very simple:

So the hurt person is removed from competition or is less of a competitor. By competitor I mean anyone who competes for any resources - money, power, friends, respect, etc..

Now, I want to change the world culture in this respect. Hey abusers, the end results are the same if you do good! Yes that sound nuts but it's true. Let me explain. When you do good for people the good must be bestowed upon you. The goodness can, and does, cause people to to behave in ways to where they are not the competitors they once were.

I know this works like a charm because it has worked for me. I went above and beyond for someone and they thought something was "fishy" because no one behaves like that so they gave me the rewards! The rewards were substantial. That's nuts but it's true. Try it! Spread the world - bullies can be way more effective being nice to everyone!

Some people are just difficult to get along with.

The intention are usually not very deep. It is most likely a kind of "overreaction". They will jump and become nasty at any perceived threat towards their own interest or ego.

 

[fastlaner_1992]

I know most people are good but still there are many people, at any age, who bully or try to hurt others through negative comments, etc.. Why do they do that? I believe the answer is very simple:

So the hurt person is removed from competition or is less of a competitor. By competitor I mean anyone who competes for any resources - money, power, friends, respect, etc..

Now, I want to change the world culture in this respect. Hey abusers, the end results are the same if you do good! Yes that sound nuts but it's true. Let me explain. When you do good for people the good must be bestowed upon you. The goodness can, and does, cause people to to behave in ways to where they are not the competitors they once were.

I know this works like a charm because it has worked for me. I went above and beyond for someone and they thought something was "fishy" because no one behaves like that so they gave me the rewards! The rewards were substantial. That's nuts but it's true. Try it! Spread the world - bullies can be way more effective being nice to everyone!

It's all a food chain, you can't change anyone but you can impact people who are ready to make changes themselves.

We are all survivors and will do almost anything to survive, some people are just more cutthroat than others.

Understand this and you'll naturally care less about darker people and focus on channelling your own darkness into worthy pursuits.

I'll leave you with this...

"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone"

 

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[Xeon]

Bullying is inherent in most humans to an extent.
It's in our caveman genes. Think back to those times.
The strong orders the weak around.

 

[Deleted85763]

I once read this book by this journalist about how most people are actually good people. It really changed my mind. Maybe you should check it out, it's called Humankind by Rutger Bregman. I don't like the guy, and I don't agree with him on most subjects. But this book was quite eye opening, and it really changed how I perceive others.

Some people, like the author, have grasped that fact. Even one major internet company, I forget which, has a theory or rather has proven that most people are good. However, there's enough bad people that destroy happiness on a wide scale.

The author Ralf Waldo Emerson stated something like "Goodness is congruent with this life". I would agree and go further and say there comes an awesome power to those who practice good. The more good you give the more you get. As I noted above, I was truely astonished when I went far beyond the usual what people do and used extreme "goodness" in a situation. It was really bizarre that the other person literally gave me all the rewards. No one does that. You would have to be, I don't know, out of one's mind to do so, but they did it with absolute, sober conscious intention. I even asked them if they were sure they wanted to do that. They were 100% sure. Amazing.

 

[WJK]

I know most people are good but still there are many people, at any age, who bully or try to hurt others through negative comments, etc.. Why do they do that? I believe the answer is very simple:

So the hurt person is removed from competition or is less of a competitor. By competitor I mean anyone who competes for any resources - money, power, friends, respect, etc..

Now, I want to change the world culture in this respect. Hey abusers, the end results are the same if you do good! Yes that sound nuts but it's true. Let me explain. When you do good for people the good must be bestowed upon you. The goodness can, and does, cause people to to behave in ways to where they are not the competitors they once were.

I know this works like a charm because it has worked for me. I went above and beyond for someone and they thought something was "fishy" because no one behaves like that so they gave me the rewards! The rewards were substantial. That's nuts but it's true. Try it! Spread the world - bullies can be way more effective being nice to everyone!

I've thought a lot about this issue over the years. I've learned a lot about bullies. They are cowards and easy to topple. You are right. They are very unhappy and trying to spread that pain to everyone around them. You cannot change them. Your defense is to change how you react to them. To begin with, you cannot show fear.

 

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