The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

What's Worse than Death?

Remove ads while supporting the Unscripted philosophy...become an INSIDER.

Almantas

Nothing to Lose
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 21, 2015
886
4,137
996
28
Ireland
With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...

I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...

On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.

What's the result?

  • My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
  • I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
  • Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.
...The list is endless.

Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

  1. No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
  2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
  3. Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
  4. Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
  5. Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:

  • Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
  • Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
  • Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.
There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.

Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

Administrator
Staff member
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 23, 2007
30,694
112,693
3,751
Fountain Hills, AZ
Good luck! Will follow along, wishing you better health, minimally.
 

sparechange

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Nov 11, 2016
2,248
3,224
790
Canada (Vancouver)
How is your social life? I think it could be unhealthy to self isolate during down times, and the drinking doesn't help aswell (infact worsens depression)

Besides work, are there some hobbies you like to enjoy? Do you know your purpose on earth? You will be dead within a few decades anyways, might aswell enjoy it, don't take life to serious imo, it's just a game to be played.

Compare yourself to others in worse situations frequently, they say comparison is the thief of joy but I beg to differ. Someone on the other side of the planet is sleeping outside with no access to clean water or food, and needs to worry about getting mauled by a wild animal.
 

ZF Lee

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jul 27, 2016
2,341
4,135
1,026
22
Malaysia
@Almantas, you are back!

Glad you are alright, even in your current state.
I smell it will be an absolutely great thread. We haven't had many such threads here the last few weeks.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

  1. No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
  2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
  3. Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
  4. Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
  5. Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
You might be surprised that I have encountered all five of these.
Except the drinking, though.

And these are more common than you think- even for college kids my age.
But that doesn't mean they aren't dangerous.

I'll share a few highlights of what I did to at least mitigate each of them.
Probably in your testings, you can either try them out or expand on them:

1. No sleep pattern.
I realised one of the reasons I actually delayed myself from going to bed, was because sleep felt boring to me.

So in order to go to bed at the right time, not only did I need to ensure my day's important workload was done- but also to ensure that sleeping was REWARDING to go to.

Not too rewarding until you overindulge in it.
Rewarding enough to just sleep and wake up right.

I would do as much work at night until 11pm-12am, then read something more gentle or listen to a sermon (only takes as short as 5 mins)...and then go to bed more ready for sleep.

Cause my brain was put in a more tired state, sleep seemed as great as water in a desert.

For waking up, I can wake up in two ways:
(a) Put the phone alarm near the bathroom so I can go in immediately for a cold shower.
(b) Get some clients texts around 7-8AM (so keep your networking and leads up!)


2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry person.
There are many reasons why you might feel these- but for myself, I felt these negative emotions very often, because I was afraid.

Afraid I wouldn't get what I want.
Afraid of missing out on something.
Afraid of failing to give what I promised to.

What I've found useful, was to work to eliminate the neediness that leads to these fears.

Example?
I was ranting on my progress thread yesterday about some shitty copywriting clients.

Yet, during the feedback sessions, I just explained my position very calmly, and even told them (politely) that I wasn't afraid of being fired.

After all, Upwork invites still hopped into my inbox, my profile visits were increasing, and I had my other email project to do.

While the other copywriter on the call was freaking out about intense deadlines, lack of info on the briefs, bla bla bla...

I cut out as much fear-bringing elements from the picture.

Result? I left the call with a request to do Facebook chatbot copy.

I used to rage at clients, threaten to cut them off immediately and so on...but this round, I just took on the DJ voice that Chris Voss advocated in Never Split The Difference.

There are more examples, but this one was very recent.


3. Junk Food.
If you can tackle the earlier two, one way or another, I suppose this issue will be a lot less serious.

In my case though, 'junk food' for me is basically 85% of cafe, restaurant or takeout food.
(if you dig down the rabbit hole on food prep methods, you'll know why)

The easiest thing I did was to replace the junk food with something healthier...some organic biscuits, chocolate (dark or has nuts...not just sugar), fruit and nuts...

Or I just have a cup of instant coffee, and it usually does the trick to cut off the urge for the rest of the day.


4. Spending about 80% of my time on Facebook
Two ways you can go about it:

(a) Make your time on FB USEFUL
I'm writing more Facebook ads and content marketing for clients these days, so not only do I check on my News Feed and competitors for angles and story leads, I also look at great content marketers and the Ads Library to build my brain.

You can take on work that touches on FB, so you can use FB time for something that at least earns you dough.

(b) Make your time on FB BOOORRIING or plain distasteful
As you are using a PC or phone to go on FB, I would suggest linking it to something very uncomfortable.

Example?

Having some picky clients ring me up on my phone now and then already makes me feel less comfortable about playing my phone all day long.

So I've come to associate my phone with work.

You can use other things, like accountability partners, anti-porn apps or paste Voldemort's armpit hair as the PC background to disassociate yourself from the device.


5. Procrastination.
For this, I think you can safely procrastinate....

IF you have turnkey systems, a stack of briefs or research notes or customer forums (as in my copywriting work) available on hand or other ready resources- so all you need to do is to just assemble stuff on the fly.

As for self-love and self-sabotage, keep meeting great people, as @sparechange mentioned.
Not just here on TFLF, but in church, meetups, etc.

You may run into weird folks, but for the most part, a good organization or 'tribe' whose values that MOST share would be able to replenish your emotional bank account.

Also, take care of your closest family around you.
Help them out, thank them, compliment them. They'll then be strong enough to support you as well.


Much of these things I suggested and did are iterations of James Clear's Atomic Habits.
You can also subscribe to the Altucher Confidential- the guy shares a lot of harsh episodes in his life, and what he did to counter them.

Besides work, are there some hobbies you like to enjoy?
Besides reading Ben Settle's stuff (he keeps an entire stash of free emails on his blog- which are addictive to read), I like Minecraft haha.
Still need to finish a few houses for my desert village fort.
 

Cyberthal

Contributor
Apr 14, 2020
56
70
108
Shenzhen
Sounds like you could use the help of a biohacker. I'd turn to Jonathan Roseland.

You have some addiction issues. I take low dose naltrexone for unrelated reasons. At high doses it treats alcoholism. It's pretty harmless at low dose and is anti-inflammatory, which sounds like you have inflammation.

I'd also try replacing that Facebook vice with another less harmful one. Maybe video games would leave you happier and be less addictive?

Since you're working alone and sound isolated you might not be seeing enough human faces and getting depression from that. Try seeing some in the morning, for example on YouTube. Maybe do a tropical sunset video routine to help you ease into a regular bedtime. Self-kindness. Pet the inner animal.
 

Ma.Gico

New Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jun 7, 2020
16
17
17
Germany
Good luck my friend! Like @sparechange mentioned above, social live is crucial.
I trully believe you are going to make huuge changes this year to better your life, the pain is big enough not to.

A little advice would be to join once a week some art of meetup like hiking or going for walks into nature, bike tours etc. You are from Ireland and there you have plenty of amazing spots for this.

Meeting new people and being surrounded by nature will help you a lot with your journey.

Gicu.
 
OP
OP
Almantas

Almantas

Nothing to Lose
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 21, 2015
886
4,137
996
28
Ireland
I am overwhelmed by the support of this amazing community - I would like to express sincere appreciation for advice and support! <3 You will make this journey a lot more enjoyable.
 
Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...

I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...

On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.

What's the result?

  • My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
  • I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
  • Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.
...The list is endless.

Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

  1. No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
  2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
  3. Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
  4. Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
  5. Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:

  • Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
  • Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
  • Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.
There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.

Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3
So, you are starting your come-back. Good for you. Every one of us has had one of the moments in their lives.
1. Start with forgiving yourself for your failings. Otherwise, you'll make some progress and shot yourself in the foot -- which will take you back to square #1.
2. Make the changes small and doable. If you are overwhelmed, you'll freeze in place. And drink. And be silly. All while you waste time contemplating your navel.
3. Make notes as you go on what you are doing so you see the changes. It's like watching your kid grow and not being able to recognize the growth. You're too close to the situation to see the daily changes.
4. Celebrate often. Really enjoy your accomplishments. A small daily win that you can do consistently can mean more, over time, than a big win.
5. Keep your to-do list short, sweet, and specific. The reason -- read #2 again...
 
OP
OP
Almantas

Almantas

Nothing to Lose
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 21, 2015
886
4,137
996
28
Ireland
Update Number 1

I realized something very important last week - instead of hunting my bad habits one by one, I should concentrate on a chain reaction and identify habits that cause it. For instance: My addiction to Facebook and endless scrolling chews significant amount of time every day - which results in going to bed late at night hence waking up at lunch time. In addition, Facebook addiction results in minimal hours spent on building a business and feeling awful for this and other related reasons (jealousy comparing my worse life moments to highlights of those people living IN Facebook).

Therefore, last week I bought a new phone and didn't install Facebook, WhatsApp or other apps. Result? Instead of dreading to lose potential clients, I am now feeling much more in control of my life and emotions; of course, result is minimal, but moving forward is moving forward.

Last week could be labelled 'Divorce from Facebook Addiction' - I am now going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, which helps me complete more work and feel better about myself.

Completed this week:

  • Analyzed competitor's website and their so-called marketing strategy.
  • Purchased a new business name + ordered virtual office + purchased a freephone.
  • Moved one giant step towards a full divorce from Facebook addiction.
  • Completed few copy-writing projects (my day job I created for myself) I was dreading so much about.
Goals for the next week:

  • Start going to gym from Monday (I haven't been there for like 5 months - this is a big one).
  • Remain on Keto entire week without a single cheat - first giant workout for my willpower.
  • Wake-up at 6am and go to bed at 12am every single day - another test for a willpower.
Following week will be a tough one (I am being positive already) - therefore, I will concentrate my entire willpower on these changes. Due to my so-called chain reaction, here are the potential benefits these changes will create:

  1. Going to gym will be a first step towards not only losing weight, but regaining muscle. This will help me build self-esteem, which will result in better overall mood - this should translate into more positiveness when building business/writing projects. These are just some of the benefits of this single change.
  2. By going Keto full-time, I will begin a journey towards immense weight-loss (goal is to lose roughly 30-40kg). Seeing scales going down will inject more self-belief, which will create more benefits - most of them mentioned already in points made above.
  3. Waking up and going to bed at the same time will result in getting more stuff done and feeling more in control of my life - this should push my self-belief further and help me complete more stuff in a single week.
Important finding: Never regret of your past lessons. Yeah, I could have launched my business when I was 20 - by now I should have probably been a millionaire or at least built a more powerful skill-set. Following this limiting belief is like burning $100 only because you lost $10 on a wrong bet - in a five years time, you could be looking back at where you are today and not even imagine how far you will go in such a short amount of time. The choice is ours - burn the rest of money or used it to make millions.

Your past mistakes/lessons are just an investment you had to make in order to build a better future.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
Update Number 1

I realized something very important last week - instead of hunting my bad habits one by one, I should concentrate on a chain reaction and identify habits that cause it. For instance: My addiction to Facebook and endless scrolling chews significant amount of time every day - which results in going to bed late at night hence waking up at lunch time. In addition, Facebook addiction results in minimal hours spent on building a business and feeling awful for this and other related reasons (jealousy comparing my worse life moments to highlights of those people living IN Facebook).

Therefore, last week I bought a new phone and didn't install Facebook, WhatsApp or other apps. Result? Instead of dreading to lose potential clients, I am now feeling much more in control of my life and emotions; of course, result is minimal, but moving forward is moving forward.

Last week could be labelled 'Divorce from Facebook Addiction' - I am now going to bed earlier and waking up earlier, which helps me complete more work and feel better about myself.

Completed this week:

  • Analyzed competitor's website and their so-called marketing strategy.
  • Purchased a new business name + ordered virtual office + purchased a freephone.
  • Moved one giant step towards a full divorce from Facebook addiction.
  • Completed few copy-writing projects (my day job I created for my self) I was dreading so much about.
Goals for the next week:

  • Start going to gym from Monday (I haven't been there for like 5 months - this is a big one).
  • Remain on Keto entire week without a single cheat - first giant workout for my willpower.
  • Wake-up at 6am and go to bed at 12am every single day - another test for a willpower.
Following week will be a tough one (I am being positive already) - therefore, I will concentrate my entire willpower on these changes. Due to my so-called chain reaction, here are the potential benefits these changes will create:

  1. Going to gym will be a first step towards not only losing weight, but regaining muscle. This will help me build self-esteem, which will result in better overall mood - this should translate into more positiveness when building business/writing projects. These are just some of the benefits of this single change.
  2. By going Keto full-time, I will begin a journey towards immense weight-loss (goal is to lose roughly 30-40kg). Seeing scales going down will inject more self-belief, which will create more benefits - most of them mentioned already in points made above.
  3. Waking up and going to bed at the same time will result in getting more stuff done and feeling more in control of my life - this should push my self-belief further and help me complete more stuff in the same week.
Important finding: Never regret of your past lessons. Yeah, I could have launched my business when I was 20 - by now I should have probably been a millionaire or at least built a more powerful skill-set. Following this belief is like throwing another $100 only because you lost $10 on a wrong bet.
You're sure taking a lot all at once. Can you concentrate on all that at the same time? I'm changing my life too... Only in baby steps.

About three months ago, I achieved a major component of a goal that I've been working on for 35 years. I achieved another major component of that goal 2 weeks ago. I got the closing papers in the mail yesterday. And I'm within shooting range for finishing that goal totally within the next few months.

What was this goal????? I have wanted to be debt-free for all of those 35 years and I've worked very hard at it. Being debt-free is tough to do for a business person with real estate holdings. I've had horrible setbacks time and time again. Stuff happened -- like recessions, riots, fires, deaths, business failures, and other disasters. And then there were those deals and opportunities I just couldn't pass up... I've needed working capital at times and had to go back to the lending well several times to make things happen. Yes, some of these events were my choice. Some were not. But, the bottom line is that I am totally responsible for ALL of my actions and reactions.

Am I happier? That's the funny part. Not yet. I have been wrestling with the fatalist thought that maybe I wasted those years on chasing that debt-free goal -- while the people around me were out having a good time. I counter that thought with the reality that I'm in a better place today than they are money-wise.

We still pinch pennies out of a lifetime habit of making assets stretch. I don't have anyone left to impress these days. If my husband and I want something, we can go out and buy it. Most of the time we simply don't want more stuff. We come to the conclusion that we don't want to be owned by our stuff... All the while, I'm watching the people around me pinch pennies out of necessity with a sense of desperate scarcity. That graphic picture reminds me of why I struggled with my goal for all of those years.

We're busy "downsizing" our life by selling, giving, and throwing away everything that we no longer need or are using. One of my baby steps is to get rid of, or clean-up, one thing every day. Yesterday I canceled a whole bunch of domain names that I no longer need. (The business fell apart this last spring. Thankfully before I put too much money into it and the virus started. Oh well. Next!) And I counted those cancellations as my daily win in my log. Last week we sold some heavy equipment that we aren't using anymore. The buyer's mover came with the 18 wheeler semi-truck and picked them up. Today, I'll take a pile of discarded boxes over to the transfer site for recycling. It doesn't take a big win to make my daily log -- just something to add my list.

Anyway, my point is that change takes time -- lots of time for some goals. And I don't try to do too much all at once or make huge changes. I tend to get lost in the process. I take it just one small baby step at a time, done consistently day after day. If I fail for a day, it's not the end of the world. I can double up the next day and make up for my omission without it hurting too much. I find a week to be too long to concentrate. It's overwhelming. And I really am that busy... I know that sounds dumb, but I break down my goal pursuits to one small win, one day at a time. Grand jesters only work for me over the long haul.
 

LordGanon

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Jun 22, 2020
121
321
162
Germany
I don't want to make the impression I'm someone who has figured all of this out, yet, and don't want to play online therapist, but:

The way you write shows quite a lot about your perspective on things, and it is filled with anger and resentment towards yourself. Also, it seems like you're going through this self-imposed program like your own drill instructor. (Been in the military? Did you like the way you were treated? I didn't.)

While I can fully understand being unhappy with the situation and can only compliment you on acting on your desire for change: I don't think a lot will change about the way you feel unless you take a look at that. Achievements often can't cure that itch. And that will result in frustration, again.

I'm not trying to preach complacency (keep going!) but suggesting a little more compassion towards yourself.

.edit: I'm also saying that because I was in a similar situation the first time I quit the bottle. I was amazed what I could accomplish sober after feeling like a failure for years. But after a really big thing I crossed off my list - there was just this horrible feeling of "And now what?"
 
Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
I don't want to make the impression I'm someone who has figured all of this out, yet, and don't want to play online therapist, but:

The way you write shows quite a lot about your perspective on things, and it is filled with anger and resentment towards yourself. Also, it seems like you're going through this self-imposed program like your own drill instructor. (Been in the military? Did you like the way you were treated? I didn't.)

While I can fully understand being unhappy with the situation and can only compliment you on acting on your desire for change: I don't think a lot will change about the way you feel unless you take a look at that. Achievements often can't cure that itch. And that will result in frustration, again.

I'm not trying to preach complacency (keep going!) but suggesting a little more compassion towards yourself.

.edit: I'm also saying that because I was in a similar situation the first time I quit the bottle. I was amazed what I could accomplish sober after feeling like a failure for years. But after a really big thing I crossed off my list - there was just this horrible feeling of "And now what?"
You're right. I agree with you. Self-punishing is counterproductive. Be gentle and kind to yourself. It works much better.

And I have also struggled with the after-hyper-achievement-moments. When you have been to the top of the mountain, what do you do then? It's that "'And now what?' let-down feeling" that you cited. How can you ever top your past? Where do you find new meaning and direction? Can you find another mountain to climb that will give you the same level of acknowledged accomplishment? Do you have the grit to make another run at a new all-consuming goal? What if you fail this time? What if you just quit? If you do quit, can you live with yourself?

There are many layers and levels of success. Each step in your climb has its own challenges.
 
Last edited:
OP
OP
Almantas

Almantas

Nothing to Lose
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 21, 2015
886
4,137
996
28
Ireland
Update Number 2
This week was a rough one and motivating myself to write this update was a challenge. In terms of diet, I am finally starting to see some results, which is inspiring in itself. Considering there's a direct relation between my heavy weight and lack of self-esteem that translates into a lot of negativity. Therefore, with every lost kilogram I gain an inch of additional self-esteem that translates into some positivity.

At the beginning of this week, I was faced with multiple challenges and tense situations. Which resulted in smoking few joints and eating all kind of junk food you can imagine. However, from Wednesday onwards I finally got myself together and started eating keto. Today, I was at my friends house and most people were drinking - however, I kindly refused and ate only food I am allowed to (which is a small win - considering I felt very down this evening).

Achievements of this week:

  • Created a logo and chose a business model that suits best my market niche.
  • Opened a bank account - never had separate bank accounts for personal and business.
  • Lost 3 kg - currently stand at 120kg.
  • Started waking up at 7am.
Goals for the following week:

  • Remain entire week on keto.
  • Start going to gym from Monday onwards.
  • Start creating a sleeping pattern (hit a sack at 12 and wake-up at 6).
  • Meditate every morning and evening and read a book at least 30 minutes in the evening.
  • Finish Master's research project for one of my clients (3k words research document).
  • Finish my entire website, except Terms and Conditions (will leave this till the very end).
MY BIGGEST ENEMY:

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS - THEY CONTROL ME

I feel very down most of the week. Especially now. This very moment. I just want to cry. It's like a storm of emotions coming from all directions:

  1. I am disappointed in myself that I didn't hit more goals this week (feel like failure).
  2. I know people claiming benefits and working illegally (makes me feel jealous for the fact that they can chill out for most part and enjoy free money).
  3. Due to lack of self-esteem, I am still a victim of procrastination - most of the projects (like 98%) I completed, exceeded customers's expectations and my reputation is insanely good - I am somewhat an authority figure by now when it comes to my gigs, which I made into my full-time salary. Nonetheless, I procrastinate and keep telling myself what a failure I am...this kills me.
  4. This one is gonna be a weird one. This week I spent more time than usual contemplating why I attract toxic women to my life - not gonna lie, the last 5 or so dates I had...all of the women had partners, but hunted for a better option. Each lie lowered my trust in women. I had maaaaany dates; however, even though I am feeling terribly lonely - I am not gonna settle with a woman that disrespects and lies to me from the onset. Most friends think I have very strict criteria and will never find anyone - whereas I don't care what the girl works, studies, how much she makes or any stuff like that...I just want someone who is truthful, honest and respectful. That's all. Looks change easily - character doesn't; therefore, I am looking for the latter.
I realized one critical factor:

I can try by best to shift my life for the better, but with current negative mindset it will be like sitting in a Lambo with a handbrake on and expecting to travel 150km (my goals) distance in 1 hour (time allocated). What would happen to lambo? You would see a lot of smoke and hear big noise (my current negative emotions - anger, jealousy, sadness...) and the car would slowly break down...starting by killing off tires (my will power, self-belief, motivation, etc.) and ultimately resulting in potential permanent damage to the engine (heart failure). So, the car wouldn't reach destination and would be damaged permanently...only because of that handbrake.

Therefore, instead of looking at reading books and practicing meditation and related coping techniques as 'nice to do's' - I should see them as mandatory things in my life. I am 100% convinced that in let's say 3 months (hell, even in a months time) I would be a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions if I'd known how to better control them or simply let them go - I believe meditation and embarking on a journey of The Power of Personal Vibration will be my tools that will help me to slowly lower that handbrake before it's too late. I know one thing - I will never quit my goals, so I either complete the distance or blow-up the car (see metaphor above).

I was about to write an apologetic ending paragraph about lack of structure in this post, but considering my today's state of mind, it's the best I can do. As mentioned in the beginning of this thread - this is going to be a rough road...Today I wanna cry and would love to simply disappear - however, I am 100% convinced I will read this post in a few months time and realize that this emotionally tough moment was a crucial life lesson. The fight had just begun.

Thanks for following my journey - means more than you think.
 
Last edited:

Odysseus M Jones

5çrúmpçïøüß
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Feb 2, 2020
653
1,112
971
M@NsïēRê ẞúr Læ RîbÇå
  1. I am disappointed in myself that I didn't hit more goals this week (feel like failure).
You're doing great!
Just doing one thing a day is a victory, anything is better than nothing.

The book that helped me during my darkest times. No other compares.
Louise L Hay, You can Heal Your Life.
 

S.Y.

Silver Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Oct 4, 2017
253
642
270
Canada
You're doing great!
Just doing one thing a day is a victory, anything is better than nothing.

The book that helped me during my darkest times. No other compares.
Louise L Hay, You can Heal Your Life.
I am adding Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. One book I read over and over and over...

For your emotions @Almantas , writing can be very helpful. There is something liberating about doing it. Pen on paper though.

If you have a chance pick the audiobook of Love Yourself by Kamal Ravikant. It is about an hour long and very powerful.

And just remember: this too will pass
 

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
Update Number 2
This week was a rough one and motivating myself to write this update was a challenge. In terms of diet, I am finally starting to see some results, which is inspiring in itself. Considering there's a direct relation between my heavy weight and lack of self-esteem that translates into a lot of negativity. Therefore, with every lost kilogram I gain an inch of additional self-esteem that translates into some positivity.

At the beginning of this week, I was faced with multiple challenges and tense situations. Which resulted in smoking few joints and eating all kind of junk food you can imagine. However, from Wednesday onwards I finally got myself together and started eating keto. Today, I was at my friends house and most people were drinking - however, I kindly refused and ate only food I am allowed to (which is a small win - considering I felt very down this evening).

Achievements of this week:

  • Created a logo and chose a business model that suits best my market niche.
  • Opened a bank account - never had separate bank accounts for personal and business.
  • Lost 3 kg - currently stand at 120kg.
  • Started waking up at 7am.
Goals for the following week:

  • Remain entire week on keto.
  • Start going to gym from Monday onwards.
  • Start creating a sleeping pattern (hit a sack at 12 and wake-up at 6).
  • Meditate every morning and evening and read a book at least 30 minutes in the evening.
  • Finish Master's research project for one of my clients (3k words research document).
  • Finish my entire website, except Terms and Conditions (will leave this till the very end).
MY BIGGEST ENEMY:

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EMOTIONS - THEY CONTROL ME

I feel very down most of the week. Especially now. This very moment. I just want to cry. It's like a storm of emotions coming from all directions:

  1. I am disappointed in myself that I didn't hit more goals this week (feel like failure).
  2. I know people claiming benefits and working illegally (makes me feel jealous for the fact that they can chill out for most part and enjoy free money).
  3. Due to lack of self-esteem, I am still a victim of procrastination - most of the projects (like 98%) I completed, exceeded customers's expectations and my reputation is insanely good - I am somewhat an authority figure by now when it comes to my gigs, which I made into my full-time salary. Nonetheless, I procrastinate and keep telling myself what a failure I am...this kills me.
  4. This one is gonna be a weird one. This week I spent more time than usual contemplating why I attract toxic women to my life - not gonna lie, the last 5 or so dates I had...all of the women had partners, but hunted for a better option. Each lie lowered my trust in women. I had maaaaany dates; however, even though I am feeling terribly lonely - I am not gonna settle with a woman that disrespects and lies to me from the onset. Most friends think I have very strict criteria and will never find anyone - whereas I don't care what the girl works, studies, how much she makes or any stuff like that...I just want someone who is truthful, honest and respectful. That's all. Looks change easily - character doesn't; therefore, I am looking for the latter.
I realized one critical factor:

I can try by best to shift my life for the better, but with current negative mindset it will be like sitting in a Lambo with a handbrake on and expecting to travel 150km (my goals) distance in 1 hour (time allocated). What would happen to lambo? You would see a lot of smoke and hear big noise (my current negative emotions - anger, jealousy, sadness...) and the car would slowly break down...starting by killing off tires (my will power, self-belief, motivation, etc.) and ultimately resulting in potential permanent damage to the engine (heart failure). So, the car wouldn't reach destination and would be damaged permanently...only because of that handbrake.

Therefore, instead of looking at reading books and practicing meditation and related coping techniques as 'nice to do's' - I should see them as mandatory things in my life. I am 100% convinced that in let's say 3 months (hell, even in a months time) I would be a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions if I'd known how to better control them or simply let them go - I believe meditation and embarking on a journey of The Power of Personal Vibration will be my tools that will help me to slowly lower that handbrake before it's too late. I know one thing - I will never quit my goals, so I either complete the distance or blow-up the car (see metaphor above).

I was about to write an apologetic ending paragraph about lack of structure in this post, but considering my today's state of mind, it's the best I can do. As mentioned in the beginning of this thread - this is going to be a rough road...Today I wanna cry and would love to simply disappear - however, I am 100% convinced I will read this post in a few months time and realize that this emotionally tough moment was a crucial life lesson. The fight had just begun.

Thanks for following my journey - means more than you think.
You are going through a lot of changes right now. You're human. Forgive yourself. Change hurts. And it's hard in the beginning. Change is like pushing a car from a standstill. It takes a lot of effort until you get it rolling. Then it takes less effort. There's no I know that likes to be floundering with big changes. We only like to do what we do well. And newbies usually don't do those new things easily. They have a learning curve that includes a lot of failures. Who likes to fail?

The other thing is that you are dealing with your feelings by putting them in your emotional closet as far away from your life as possible. You're trying to stuff them down deep into yourself. That's when they grow into monsters that break down the walls of that self-built closet. There are consequences for pinning them up. You get weird chronic pains. You get ugly sick -- like your heart attack you're worried about. You lash out at the people who are closest to you. Give yourself 5 minutes to feel all of your feelings. Write them down. Look at them. Turn them over to see what you have failed to see. What do they really mean? Really let yourself feel them. You won't break. They are a message from the core of your being. Honor that message. Then decide what to do about it. How can you create plans and goals that honor you as a person? May times it takes a tweak -- not a u-turn, or a radical change.

Track your progress. The most life-changing quests are many times the smallest daily changes you make. I have major health problems since I was a teenager. I can't drink or eat a lot of things that others can. I know how you feel. I'm always the designated driver and the sober person at the parties who must pass up the goodies. (I just don't go to the parties most of the time -- I'd rather do something else.) I could sit and throw ashes on my head over it. But, what I focus on is the fact that I'm still here. And I'm healthier than many others around me that are my age. The longer you do it, the easier it is to keep on the program.

Hang in there. Work on yourself. Become the kind of person you would like to meet. That will make you attractive to a good woman. I married my friend and fishing buddy when I was 50 years old. And many years later, he's still my best friend and we're still married. He recently told me that I'm his whole world and he means every word.
 
Last edited:

LordGanon

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Jun 22, 2020
121
321
162
Germany
Update Number 2
...
Once again: Language is a dead giveaway. Watch the way you think about things. Your inner monologue defines the way you perceive things and therefore has a heavy impact on your mood. Therefore: Good that you're starting meditation. There's only three books I can recommend on the topic (there's so much garbage on the market and YouTube): "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa (which will probably float your boat more than my other suggestions, it's written by a practicioner who is also a neuroscientist), "Eight Lectures on Yoga" by Aleister Crowley (who really broke down what it is actually about for a Westerner) and the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali (the one and only original).

1. You hit SOME goals this week, which is quite an achievement in comparison to what happened before. And you DID start, which puts you ahead of the vast majority of people. Can't see failure in that.

2. Either rat them out or simply don't care about it. I know these people, too, and have a distinct hatred for a bunch of them. Just how does this affect YOU? Through taxes, maybe. Other than that: Not at all, unless you think about it. It's because you perceive it as unfair that they get something you want without putting in the work you do. Show pride in the work - not the money. There's always going to be leeches (and these people certainly aren't the parasites you should REALLY care about, there's bigger mosquitos to squat).

3. Can't help with that one. Got the same problem.

4. Women, women, women. I know I'm supposed to keep the locker talk to a minimum, but I had to feed some harsh truth to a friend yesterday, which I am going to feed you now, too. Women will NOT make you happy. In most cases, women will be the reason you're UNHAPPY. Sure, everything's great and gloomy for a few weeks. But more often than not, they won't enrich your life to a degree that justifies the degree to which they make your life more complicated. To their defense: It's not their responsibility to make you happy.

See: I thought I had finally found the one woman who was honest and kind and loyal (and that she was, she stood with me through my alcoholism). Until two weeks ago when she cheated on me with her ex-husband. Personally, I don't mind if my women sleep around. But I hate being lied to. The only thing I'd have to be sure about is that if I land in the hospital, I can give them as my emergency contact and can trust them with that. And honestly: I'd never give a woman, I always give my best friend and my sister.

I don't get what all the fuzz is about. I used to need women to feel validated. After a few dozen of them, I realized none of them would ever make me feel whole. That is MY responsibility.

I don't even blame women for the shit they pull. They do what mother nature programmed them to do: Select the genetic optimum for possible offspring and partners who are successful in the evolutionary landscape and therefore can provide for said offspring. It becomes kinda sad when they get into the years when they are not even that fertile anymore and still think of themselves as some kind of goddess and actually don't bring that much to the table. Same goes for men who think of themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.

"But women are more than looks and fertility!", I hear you shout. They indeed are. But if I don't want to sleep with them or have children with them, I can just be friends with them.

I'm totally PRO being romantic, but at some point, some realism is actually helpful. And I'm pretty sure that the woman you're looking for doesn't exist. Not in the long run.

So you've got a choice: Give up chasing women and focus on yourself, which is what I'd suggest you do, because a woman is not the panacea for quality of life. Or change what you expect from a relationship, but still feel horrible after things go south because hormones are hormones and people are people.

To cut it short: You're not attracting toxic women to yourself. You're attracting women. By the way, this here is a perfect summary of the endless cycle of relationships:





Generally, about your mental state:

You quit alcohol. I don't know how much you have consumed, but even a moderate drinker who has only had a few drinks once needs about 21 days to reach his former level of dopamine. I can tell you from experience that you'll notice a lot of differences even months later. This process takes time. The only way to speed it up is a sports regimen and everything else that contributes to neuroplasticity because your brain needs to rewire.

Also, cut the Mary Jane. It's a bad habit. I'm totally pro legalization. But in the end, pot makes people stupid and lazy. Potheads will tell you that it makes them inspired and active. No, it doesn't. They are potheads. There's nothing wrong about a joint from time to time. But there's something wrong about a joint from time to time when you're depressed. Period. That shit doesn't help with that. Glaucoma, back pain, headaches, menstrual problems, whatever, ok. But not depression.

And now, Ad Astra!
 
Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
Once again: Language is a dead giveaway. Watch the way you think about things. Your inner monologue defines the way you perceive things and therefore has a heavy impact on your mood. Therefore: Good that you're starting meditation. There's only three books I can recommend on the topic (there's so much garbage on the market and YouTube): "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa (which will probably float your boat more than my other suggestions, it's written by a practicioner who is also a neuroscientist), "Eight Lectures on Yoga" by Aleister Crowley (who really broke down what it is actually about for a Westerner) and the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali (the one and only original).

1. You hit SOME goals this week, which is quite an achievement in comparison to what happened before. And you DID start, which puts you ahead of the vast majority of people. Can't see failure in that.

2. Either rat them out or simply don't care about it. I know these people, too, and have a distinct hatred for a bunch of them. Just how does this affect YOU? Through taxes, maybe. Other than that: Not at all, unless you think about it. It's because you perceive it as unfair that they get something you want without putting in the work you do. Show pride in the work - not the money. There's always going to be leeches (and these people certainly aren't the parasites you should REALLY care about, there's bigger mosquitos to squat).

3. Can't help with that one. Got the same problem.

4. Women, women, women. I know I'm supposed to keep the locker talk to a minimum, but I had to feed some harsh truth to a friend yesterday, which I am going to feed you now, too. Women will NOT make you happy. In most cases, women will be the reason you're UNHAPPY. Sure, everything's great and gloomy for a few weeks. But more often than not, they won't enrich your life to a degree that justifies the degree to which they make your life more complicated. To their defense: It's not their responsibility to make you happy.

See: I thought I had finally found the one woman who was honest and kind and loyal (and that she was, she stood with me through my alcoholism). Until two weeks ago when she cheated on me with her ex-husband. Personally, I don't mind if my women sleep around. But I hate being lied to. The only thing I'd have to be sure about is that if I land in the hospital, I can give them as my emergency contact and can trust them with that. And honestly: I'd never give a woman, I always give my best friend and my sister.

I don't get what all the fuzz is about. I used to need women to feel validated. After a few dozen of them, I realized none of them would ever make me feel whole. That is MY responsibility.

I don't even blame women for the shit they pull. They do what mother nature programmed them to do: Select the genetic optimum for possible offspring and partners who are successful in the evolutionary landscape and therefore can provide for said offspring. It becomes kinda sad when they get into the years when they are not even that fertile anymore and still think of themselves as some kind of goddess and actually don't bring that much to the table. Same goes for men who think of themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.

"But women are more than looks and fertility!", I hear you shout. They indeed are. But if I don't want to sleep with them or have children with them, I can just be friends with them.

I'm totally PRO being romantic, but at some point, some realism is actually helpful. And I'm pretty sure that the woman you're looking for doesn't exist. Not in the long run.

So you've got a choice: Give up chasing women and focus on yourself, which is what I'd suggest you do, because a woman is not the panacea for quality of life. Or change what you expect from a relationship, but still feel horrible after things go south because hormones are hormones and people are people.

To cut it short: You're not attracting toxic women to yourself. You're attracting women. By the way, this here is a perfect summary of the endless cycle of relationships:





Generally, about your mental state:

You quit alcohol. I don't know how much you have consumed, but even a moderate drinker who has only had a few drinks once needs about 21 days to reach his former level of dopamine. I can tell you from experience that you'll notice a lot of differences even months later. This process takes time. The only way to speed it up is a sports regimen and everything else that contributes to neuroplasticity because your brain needs to rewire.

Also, cut the Mary Jane. It's a bad habit. I'm totally pro legalization. But in the end, pot makes people stupid and lazy. Potheads will tell you that it makes them inspired and active. No, it doesn't. They are potheads. There's nothing wrong about a joint from time to time. But there's something wrong about a joint from time to time when you're depressed. Period. That shit doesn't help with that. Glaucoma, back pain, headaches, menstrual problems, whatever, ok. But not depression.

And now, Ad Astra!
I was going to respond to what you said about women. But, then I realized that you would have no frame of reference. I wish you well and an expanded view of the man/women thing. A good relationship can mean the world to you and your life. The sign we have over our bed says, "Marriage is having a sleepover with your best friend every night." I hope someday you can have that kind of relationship.

You're right about the weed. It's legal where I live, but it makes people so passive that they waste away their lives doing nothing important. Usually, they don't even bother to show up -- even when they need to take care of business. And, it gives people the munchies for everything that they shouldn't eat.

Alcohol is interesting as an outsider looking in. I watch people who drink. Many people think that they are OK -- until they quit. And it does take a long time for it to clear their systems -- months and sometimes years. You're right. I've never met anyone who feels good when they stop drinking until they've been sober for a while. It also depends on when they started drinking. Young people and teens stop growing up. It takes a couple of years for them to really start catching up. Some keep drinking and never do. (We're dealing with one of those right now -- my assistant's exhusband. He's less mature than her teenage sons.) And it makes it hard for everyone. And it sure doesn't mix with business...
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

LordGanon

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Jun 22, 2020
121
321
162
Germany
I was going to respond to what you said about women. But, then I realized that you would have no frame of reference. I wish you well and an expanded view of the man/women thing. A good relationship can mean the world to you and your life. The sign we have over our bed says, "Marriage is having a sleepover with your best friend every night." I hope someday you can have that kind of relationship.
Thank you very much. Maybe you're one of the lucky few. I'm not saying that relationships like yours don't exist, and I get that they can make you very happy indeed. I was very happy with my ex, for the time being. I'm just saying they are rare, and that it is generally not a good idea to make your own well-being dependent on a woman.
 

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
Thank you very much. Maybe you're one of the lucky few. I'm not saying that relationships like yours don't exist, and I get that they can make you very happy indeed. I was very happy with my ex, for the time being. I'm just saying they are rare, and that it is generally not a good idea to make your own well-being dependent on a woman.
You're right. I'm very lucky to be married to a wonderful man who really loves me. We can live without each other, but it would sure be more lonely without my mate. We laugh together a lot. I was single for 17 years before we got together and those were good years for me. I had a great high-power career and lots of friends. Seriously, life is too short to be chronically unhappy.
 
OP
OP
Almantas

Almantas

Nothing to Lose
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Dec 21, 2015
886
4,137
996
28
Ireland
Back in the day when we still had rep bank some forum members inquired me why my balance was 0. I received a lot of rep points, but my balance stood at zero. The replies of this thread is an awesome explanation of this - everybody is so supportive and understanding that I never kept rep points to myself.

Although I have some friends and family members, none of them really understand what I'm going through. This forum is like a virtual family of mine.

Thanks all!
 
Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,163
2,695
652
Nikiski, Alaska
Back in the day when we still had rep bank some forum members inquired me why my balance was 0. I received a lot of rep points, but my balance stood at zero. The replies of this thread is a awesome explanation of this - everybody is so supportive and understanding that I never kept rep points to myself.

Although I have some friends and family members, none of them really understand what I'm going through. This forum is like a virtual family of mine.

Thanks all!
A lot of us have been there -- done that -- have the tee shirt and the ticket stub. Keep on keeping on... you can only really fail IF you stop, give in, and quit. Winning is just trying again and again and again...
 

Black_Dragon43

Gold Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Apr 28, 2017
390
1,061
366
Eastern Europe
Sorry @Almantas, not intending to hijack your thread, but I feel that this can be particularly harmful to you and others if you take it on, so I will address it.

See: I thought I had finally found the one woman who was honest and kind and loyal (and that she was, she stood with me through my alcoholism). Until two weeks ago when she cheated on me with her ex-husband. Personally, I don't mind if my women sleep around. But I hate being lied to. The only thing I'd have to be sure about is that if I land in the hospital, I can give them as my emergency contact and can trust them with that. And honestly: I'd never give a woman, I always give my best friend and my sister.

I don't get what all the fuzz is about. I used to need women to feel validated. After a few dozen of them, I realized none of them would ever make me feel whole. That is MY responsibility.

I don't even blame women for the shit they pull. They do what mother nature programmed them to do: Select the genetic optimum for possible offspring and partners who are successful in the evolutionary landscape and therefore can provide for said offspring. It becomes kinda sad when they get into the years when they are not even that fertile anymore and still think of themselves as some kind of goddess and actually don't bring that much to the table. Same goes for men who think of themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.
You should be careful NOT to take the way things happen around you or in your environment as "naturally mandated" to be so. It may feel that way, but then the status quo is programmed to make it feel so to keep you from fighting it. It's a defense mechanism that culture erects for itself. If it's naturally like that, there's nothing you can do, right? If the king has a divine mandate to rule, then we can't rule in his place, can we? So let's just go back and take our rightful places as the king's servants...

Let's take a different scenario. We live in a society where cheating is punished by execution. Will people still cheat? Yeah, just like people become alcoholics now even if it hurts them, or how people commit suicide, etc. But it would be a lot rarer.

The point I'm trying to make is that you CAN control this, through the way you set up your environment. For example, why does your woman even talk to her ex-husband in the first place? Why is she even allowed to meet him? Sure, you can't force her not to do it, BUT you CAN break up with her if she refuses to respect your boundaries. You've set very low boundaries, to the point that it seems like you're allowing your lady to play with fire. That's not good, it's no wonder that eventually she will get burned. And even worse, you're letting her walk over you and get away with it. Of course she will cheat if the PAIN of doing so is so small - it makes the risk of doing it seem like nothing!

Make the rules very clear: no talking with exes, no adding exes on social media, no meeting with exes, if exes are spotted on the street they must be ignored, exes must be blocked on their phone and so on. Weak rules, give you weak results. Stop playing with fire, and you won't get burned anymore. Blaming nature for the way you've chosen to set up your environment isn't helpful to you.
 

Ing

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 8, 2019
583
544
190
55
Bavaria
Dont smoke weed, when you re down.
Put training shoes on and run! 45 minutes!
The result for you is the same. Only its not a shortcut.
And you will get your weight problem under control, too!

Keep on rocking!
 

cottonbuds

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jan 3, 2018
27
23
19
38
India
With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...

I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...

On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.

What's the result?

  • My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
  • I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
  • Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.
...The list is endless.

Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

  1. No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
  2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
  3. Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
  4. Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
  5. Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:

  • Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
  • Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
  • Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.
There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.

Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3
Hey man all the best. I am on the same journey as well. I have been using the anger management program at openpath and it has really helped me start my transition to being a zen person. It's a non profit $5 for lifetime access and has other courses as well. Register | Wellness Education Online | Open Path Collective
With this post I am going for GOLD - grab a cup of coffee and let's go for a ride...

I haven't posted for a long while and there is a good reason for it - Although I had made a decent recovery before (please read my story HERE), I had slipped through the cracks again. Badly. As the saying goes "ships don't sink, because of the water around them - ships sink, because of the water that gets in them" - this is exactly what happened to me. I let all kinds of negative emotions kick and drag my soul to the deepest darkness you can imagine. I stopped going to gym. Started eating junk food. To make things worse, I even began to drink alcoholic drinks to numb my pain...

On the surface, I was still performing relatively OK. I managed to produce average quality work (as per my own standards) and customers are still happy. Although I procrastinated to the last second, I somehow managed to drag my a$$ through the tightest of cracks. I would drink and eat junk for days and then finish a huge project in a single day or multiple small projects at the very last minute. I became an Olympic Procrastinator and would beat myself for all my failures on a daily basis and then drink again to numb the pain.

What's the result?

  • My weight has reached 125kg - 24/07/2020.
  • I became a VERY toxic person - due to my bleeding soul (angry, jealous, over-reactive...you name it).
  • Most of my business development ideas remained on the shelf, gathering dust.
...The list is endless.

Instead of posting a success story AFTER an event - I am offering a journey from the lowest point of darkness all the way up to the sunny surface. Every day I will be making detailed notes and looking for strategies and TESTING, TESTING, TESTING...at the end of a week I will update this thread (yep, every week - religiously) with the findings of what worked best and results. So others could use it for guidance. I have nearly committed suicide because of this emotional pain...so, if this thread shines a light on at least a single soul, my effort was well worth it.

Current 'fun' facts about my so-called life:

  1. No sleep pattern whatsoever (going to bed whenever and waking up at different times).
  2. Over-reactive, jealous, angry, toxic person who externalizes inner pain on outside world.
  3. Eating junk food and drinking alcohol to numb the emotions mentioned in step 2 above.
  4. Spending about 80% of my 'working' time on Facebook - scrolling aimlessly through posts.
  5. Chronic procrastinator with basically 0.01% of self-love and continuous self-sabotage.
I will run this tread for a year. Here is what I will aim for during this hustle period:

  • Drop down to at least 90kg - will post photo of my physique for verification/inspiration purposes.
  • Move from 'self-employed' to 'business owner' by launching a financially successful, scalable business (have 2 verified business models already).
  • Become a calm, zen-like person who appreciates himself, others and abundant opportunities that surround us.
There are just 3 main goals for entire year. However, when I reach them - I will become ENTIRELY different human being. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be probably one of the toughest fights of my life - you will witness relentless struggle, blood and tears...all at once. I will be 100% transparent on my updates and will post on a weekly basis. You will witness fat, negative, hardcore procrastinator turn into shredded, zen-like individual who doesn't only write down goals, but hunts them down mercilessly.

Thanks for reading and being part of my journey <3
All the best man. I am on the same journey as well. I have been using the anger management program at openpath and it has really helped me start my transition to being a zen person. It's a non profit $5 for lifetime access and has other courses as well. Register | Wellness Education Online | Open Path Collective
 

JordanK

Silver Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Feb 17, 2014
314
886
321
22
Ireland
Running a successful business is like climbing a mountain. You need to be mentally and physically fit to reach the peak. I think you would really benefit from going back into steady employment (9-5 with a good solid routine). Take the extra time you have then and focus on getting your body and mind back under your control. My own personal advice and experience would be to do the 75HARD program by Andy Frisella. After coming back to Ireland from the summit in February I completed it and its been a game changer (This is coming from someone who already was in a good headspace and was physically fit with a fastlane business). It took me to another level.

You need to walk before you can run.

I have kept an eye on most of your threads throughout the last few years as there is only a few of us Irish dudes here on the forum. The common theme of them is bursts of manic inspiration for a few weeks or months and then back to long periods of downtime. You really don't have to do all that much in one go. Just hit 2-3 good small things every single day and aim to make progress over the next 2-3 years.

Here is an example of a solid plan to be executed over the next few months to get you back on track in a sustainable way.

* Pick one day of the week and go do a big shop in Lidl/Aldi with healthy food only. You only want healthy food in your fridge/presses. I actually have a meal prep company that delivers me meals twice a week so I don't have a choice to eat unhealthy.

* Delete all food delivery apps. The new rule is if you really want the burger, kebab or pizza enough you gotta jump in the car and go collect it (Eliminates about 80% of my orders).

* Go for a 30-45 minute walk EVERY SINGLE morning or evening. Clears the head of negative thoughts and burns calories at the same time.

Optional but recommended:

* Get a 9-5 job in an industry that you can learn skills that would benefit you in an eventual Fastlane business. Benefits of this include: steady income, work friends (social and romantic life improves), solid routine where your sleeping schedule will fix itself, ability to stack considerable money away in savings to deploy in your Fastlane business.

I know this may sound tough to read but I think the real problem mentally for you is that you know you are capable of so much more but your actions aren't living up to the image you have of yourself. Build a solid foundation, change your lifestyle permanently.. not just a roller-coaster of ups and downs.

You are CAPABLE of much more and I believe in you.

Would love to meet up at some point in the near future. I'm based in Galway.
 

Photool

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Jul 17, 2020
28
41
20
Orlando Florida
@Almantas - What is worse that death? From your experience and recent learning lessons if you were to summarize a succinct sentence of whats worse than death, what would it be?
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Sponsored Offers

  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Fox' Web School's "Legend" Group Coaching Program 2020
This year has been quite crazy so far, and a lot of people have reached out to ask me if web...
  • Sticky
FEATURED! Introducing... WEALTH EXPO$ED, A Short Story By MJ DeMarco
Got it several weeks ago and have listened to it several times now. I've definitely met both...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE You Are One Call Away From Living Your Dream Life - LightHouse’s Accountability Program ⚡
Just got off the phone with @LightHouse. Having just a 45 minute conversation with him has...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Kill Bigger Incubator
@Kak Out of curiosity, what types of businesses are you advising on? (I read this whole thread...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Lex DeVille's - Advanced Freelance Udemy Courses!
Just bought 5 of your Upwork courses. Thanks for making valuable content Lex!
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Grow Your Business With a Book (An Unorthodox Marketing Strategy That Built One of the Largest...
Thanks for your offer to look at my book. Here's the link to the squeeze page Buy The Prosperous...



Forum Sponsor

sponsor

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom