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What was MJ DeMarco's Relationship Rule?

Jrjohnny

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I was reading the great rat race escape a few days ago, and MJ was talking about some rule like 3/5/10 or something like spend 3 minutes thinking about them etc.. I was just wondering for future me. Thank you guys
 
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I was reading the great rat race escape a few days ago, and MJ was talking about some rule like 3/5/10 or something like spend 3 minutes thinking about them etc.. I was just wondering for future me. Thank you guys
Here are the rules:

Rule of One: A date to which you and your "Future Partner." speak about aligned values, these values are to help identify if the person you are dating or having been dating would be best fit/

Rule of Two: Spend two days with your partner in the most horrible conditions and see how well you two vibe or handle conflict with each other.

Rule of Three: Spend three years with your partner before placing a ring on it. Does your partner change or deviate from the values from when you have discussed the sensitive topics such as Religion, Entrepreneurship, kids, politics, etc.
 

Jrjohnny

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Here are the rules:

Rule of One: A date to which you and your "Future Partner." speak about aligned values, these values are to help identify if the person you are dating or having been dating would be best fit/

Rule of Two: Spend two days with your partner in the most horrible conditions and see how well you two vibe or handle conflict with each other.

Rule of Three: Spend three years with your partner before placing a ring on it. Does your partner change or deviate from the values from when you have discussed the sensitive topics such as Religion, Entrepreneurship, kids, politics, etc.
Ok thank you man
 

MJ DeMarco

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It is the 1 Hour, 2 Days, 3 Year Rule.

1 hour
to discuss core values like religion, politics, kids, financial priorities, fitness and health priorities, and other things that cause huge relationship divergences. Most relationships fail under the burden of mismatched values.
  • She wants to save and go Fastlane, you want to spend and be a Sidewalker.
  • She wants to be Christian, you want to be an atheist.
  • She wants to be hot conservative woman, you want to be a pink-haired milquetoast socialist.
  • She wants to hit the gym 4X a week and eats plant based, you want to sit on the couch and eat cheese all day.
  • She wants 3 kids, you want 3 rolls on your chin.
  • She has "can do" growth mindset, you blame everyone with a fixed mindset.
Can that relationship survive with these divergences? No.

2 days in the most hellish conditions to see each other at your worst.

3 years to date each other to understand how you grow together if at all.

Follow these three guidelines and you likely will save yourself from a marriage that ends badly.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Could you define what 2 days of hellish conditions means?

Being stuck in an airport for 2 days due to weather.
Doing a fix-n-flip remodel that isn't going well.
Being stuck in another country and you're in a motel because the hotel botched your reservation.
Painting a room that takes 12 hours.

ikea furniture definitely would count

That's a start!
 
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Jrjohnny

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It is the 1 Hour, 2 Days, 3 Year Rule.

1 hour
to discuss core values like religion, politics, kids, financial priorities, fitness and health priorities, and other things that cause huge relationship divergences. Most relationships fail under the burden of mismatched values.
  • She wants to save and go Fastlane, you want to spend and be a Sidewalker.
  • She wants to be Christian, you want to be an atheist.
  • She wants to be hot conservative woman, you want to be a pink-haired milquetoast socialist.
  • She wants to hit the gym 4X a week and eats plant based, you want to sit on the couch and eat cheese all day.
  • She wants 3 kids, you want 3 rolls on your chin.
  • She has "can do" growth mindset, you blame everyone with a fixed mindset.
Can that relationship survive with these divergences? No.

2 days in the most hellish conditions to see each other at your worst.

3 years to date each other to understand how you grow together if at all.

Follow these three guidelines and you likely will save yourself from a marriage that ends badly.
I’ll keep this in mind until I start looking for a long term relationship. And I’m about to start my own business by next week because of you, You’ve changed my perspective of life, which is hard to do. Thank you MJ
 

ZF Lee

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Being stuck in an airport for 2 days due to weather.
Doing a fix-n-flip remodel that isn't going well.
Being stuck in another country and you're in a motel because the hotel botched your reservation.
Painting a room that takes 12 hours.
I'll just add one more:

Meeting with the parents. Parents from BOTH sides.

I know there's a lot of general hate for the in-laws-to-be, but I believe getting to know them better goes a long way.
If the parents are elderly, and you can work together to take them on trips, or eat-outs, that's great.

I also don't deny the in-laws-to-be might know a lot more about your potential partner, since they raised them
from birth. So it would be good to listen to another potential source of wisdom.

Yet with the fractured family structure these days...of course these steps ain't gonna be smooth.

But if you are still gonna deal with the parents after marriage...why not start early?
 

ZackerySprague

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