Too scared to call her, wtf is wrong with me!?

[DeletedUser2]

Dont be a wuss.




Z

 

[Likwid24]

I use to be extremely shy around girls. It started changing around my senior year in high school, I guess when I started realizing that if I didn't try, then I would never know the outcome. What's the worst they can say. I got turned down quite a few times, but somehow became more confident each time. By the end of my senior year I was on a roll, which continued until I found the woman of my dreams.

The difference here is that you have your foot in the door already. It would probably be pretty tough to mess it up. You need to just get over your fear and talk to her already. Make your move. Odds are that she won't be the one making the move.

Some things I learned:

-Always be yourself
-Don't try being something your not
-Woman love a man that can make them laugh. Be funny, even if it's corny. If they laugh at your corny jokes, then your in there like swimwear. lol
-Every time you don't act, you'll be wondering "What if"
-It's not that bad at all if they say no. There's plenty more out there who will say yes.

And......A sip of Jack Daniel's can do wonders. Just a sip though. Don't go down a glass. Just enough to lighten you up. (I'm serious about this one. It always worked for me! )

 

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[TK1]

 

[GuestUser8117]

The worst that can happen is she says she doesn't want to talk to you. You aren't talking to her now. So the ONLY things that can happen by you calling is that your situation stays the same, or she talks to you more. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then you get to move on.

edit: I have to go lie down, I can't believe I just responded to this....

Lol, I finally called her and ask her for a date. Bad news actually. She declined and she has a boyfriend. Godamn it!

 

[TheTruth]

I think I was/still am in love with that girl. Thanks for the advice bro.

No you most definitively were not.

As you gain more experience (and I hope you do), you will learn how the exact sentence you just wrote is total bs.

You simply glorified 1 girl, that's it.

Approach 100 girls and tell us if you still feel the same way.


ACTUALLY.... If you approach 5 girls tmr I will send you $5 via paypal. No joking on my part. I won't know if you did it or not, but you would be the only one loosing if you lied to us about it.

So what are you going to do?

 

[Ãœbertreffen]

What's her phone number? I'll call her for you. Just kidding of course.

How can you overcome this? By doing. How does one survive in business? Definitely not over thinking the littlest things in life.

You are running through all the things that could happen or planning your conversation out. How about quit being a bitch about it?

If you never pick up the phone, someone else will. Are you going to grab what's yours or just hand it off to someone else? If you mess up or run out of things to talk about just tell her you gotta go or hang up, grab your composure and call back.


If you take offense to this, I apologize in advance. I'm joking around but at the same time people need to realize not to worry about all the little things in life.



- Devin

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Last time I saw her we kissed.

A woman wouldn't allow this if she didn't have an interest in you. This gives you good odds of not being rejected.

Freaking take a deep breath and call her. She won't bite. She's human. There are plenty of things going on in the world for you to talk about.

In the words of Michael Jordan, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

 

[socaldude]

being able to confidently talk to a human being is something you are BORN with. thats another secret of excellent public speaking. your fear is a LEARNED response. a very irrational one! when you were a little kid you would laugh and talk and not give a shit who was watching. feel the fear, laugh at it, realize how ridiculous it is and then FCKN DO IT.


“Every mile you go in the wrong direction is really a two mile error. Unlearning is twice as hard as learning.” --Unknown

“When any real progress is made, we unlearn and learn anew what we thought we knew before.” -- Henry David Thoreau

“We must unlearn the constellation to see the stars.” -- Jack Gilbert from the poem “Tear it down”

“It is not hard to learn more. What is hard is to unlearn when you discover yourself wrong.” -- Martin H. Fisher

“The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn things.” -- G.K. Chesterton

 

[MJ DeMarco]

It's easy to tell him that he shouldn't be scared if you're a guy who just doesn't care.

Not really -- she's already given him the "green light" ...

To put it in a business perspective, he's closed the sale but is unwilling to reach out his hand and take the money. (One simple action, the call.)

 

[FastNAwesome]

Everytime I take the phone my heart rate is increasing like crazy

Cool! So she's exciting to you! I really wouldn't want to call a girl that doesn't awaken emotions in me.

This is so frustrating I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Nothing wrong, you like the girl, just a normal reaction

how can I conquer this fear

First realize it's not fear, it's excitement.

But it doesn't matter to you how we call it, you wanna know how to overcome it.
So here's an idea:

- Arrange a date with her, either via facebook (you can do that) or by phone (you can do that too,
as you already called twice and survived

- If you do it by phone, keep it short, because you don't like the feeling, and there's not much to
talk anyway, just arrange the date, and you'll talk when you meet

NOTE: you kissed AND she's still in contact with you AND she's been patient enough to wait a year for you
to call her on a new date, so it's about time that you do.

From all you said it seems she likes you, so go for it, because even the most patient girl won't wait forever.

 

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[AgonI]

FEAR OF REJECTION, that's all it is. Remember one thing in life, you ONLY get what you fight for, nothing comes to you unless you fight for it. If you don't call her someone else will probably and you'll regret not calling her, so pick up the phone and just do it! Nothing to lose, everything to gain!

 

[TheTruth]

This is actually a really good thing.

You probably made 5000 movies in your head of how this will play out, what you guys are going to do in the future, how you should approach it etc. etc.

Which equals you being perplexed and putting yourself into a downward spiral.

The point is, you already know exactly what to do and how to do it. Asking 100 people on the forum and researching the best way to approach this kills your chances simply because you are looking for reasons to fail.

Take 1 deep breath and call your buddy. Shoot the shit with him and move around while you are talking to him. This will put you in a social state.

Once you hang up the phone immediatly call her and blast of a joke you had with your friend. NO akward Hi's, nothing.

In summary you only have 2 things to do: 1) call your friend and joke around for 5 minutes while walking around, 2) call her and tell her about the joking around. The rest will take care of itself.

 

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[DeletedUser2]

(it's a date...not a marriage proposal)

dont be a wuss.

 

[EN_VY]

OR you can just forget her and focus on business.

Love- Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!

 

[healthstatus]

The worst that can happen is she says she doesn't want to talk to you. You aren't talking to her now. So the ONLY things that can happen by you calling is that your situation stays the same, or she talks to you more. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then you get to move on.

edit: I have to go lie down, I can't believe I just responded to this....

 

[socaldude]

Lol, I finally called her and ask her for a date. Bad news actually. She declined and she has a boyfriend. Godamn it!

I'm sorry to hear that bro. You waited WAY too long to tell her how you feel. And what happens when you do that? Some other guy will tell her how beautiful she is and he will take her out on dates and HE will rock her world.

Don't get me wrong bro. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been there. Probably worse; Social Anxiety, shitty self esteem, horrible conversationalist, depression. I have been there.

Look on the bright side there are a shit load of beautiful women out there that will date you if you just take the initiative. MILLIONS of beautiful girls out there are JUST waiting for a nice gentlemen to come up to them and say HI! Not a day goes by when I go out to run errands where I see I beautiful woman, at the cafe, grocery store etc. Girls WANT you to approach them and say Hi and flirt with them. Why do you think they fix their hair and makeup?

Based on what I cant tell you need to be more CONFIDENT with women.

All change in your life starts with a change in beliefs, a change in mindset, a change in perspective, a change in interpretation of reality. Nobody said change would be easy. It took me FCKN forever to change my situation with women.

CONFIDENCE
1. Be direct with women, say it to their face how pretty they are and how you wanna take them out. Dont wait 1 year!
2. Think out loud. A lot of guys clam up around girls because they think that whatever comes out of their mouth is lame, stupid, boring, uninteresting etc. Not true, put a smile on your face and think out loud and you can talk to girls for HOURS.
3. Put your head up high and make eye contact.
4. You don't have to impress anybody.
5. Girls are just like you and me, the only difference is that you find them attractive. Girls are human beings not some goddess or alien creature.

 

[AgonI]

Haha I am about to turn this thread into an ebook and put it on Amazon (jk)

 

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[oddball]

A woman wouldn't allow this if she didn't have an interest in you. This gives you good odds of not being rejected.

Freaking take a deep breath and call her. She won't bite. She's human. There are plenty of things going on in the world for you to talk about.

In the words of Michael Jordan, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Eh, I don't know...there are some crazies out there.

It was actually Wayne Gretzky who said that, Michael may have repeated it though.

 

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[Lights]

What makes this woman so special you can't speak to her?

 

[Alana]

I think I’m the only female on this thread so far….so here’s my (estrogen filled) take on it.
You didn’t mention if you actually TALKED to her the last two times you called. I’m assuming you didn’t. So that being said:
--either she kissed you like some girls kiss adorable puppies (ie: oh, you’re cute! And you bought me a drink and the moon is out so what the heck! Cheers! *smooch*)
OR….
--she is interested in you, gave you a clear green light, and is just waiting for you to make the next move (like calling her and asking her out on a date).
Don’t think that because you already kissed her that a first official date isn’t in order…get a fresh start…ask her out. If she declines, at least you’ll know one way or another.
Guys usually like a challenge and girls usually like to be pursued (I said USUALLY folks…please don’t send me nasty notes on how I’m stereotyping the sexes).
And remember: guys fall in love with their eyes, girls fall in love with their ears. Tell her how you’ve been thinking about her (not obsessing…but thinking). It will flatter her if anything.
Best o’ luck to you…but seriously….call her already....(it's a date...not a marriage proposal)

 

[Likwid24]

The point is, you already know exactly what to do and how to do it. Asking 100 people on the forum and researching the best way to approach this kills your chances simply because you are looking for reasons to fail.

Exactly. Not being himself.

 

[theDarkness]

Fear is normal. You must act despite it.

Generally the resistance triggered by fear is highest just before the "trigger step." That one thing you need to find the balls to do that will set everything else in motion. The step after which you're like, "Damn, why was I so worried? This is natural and fun."

Don't wait for fear to go away. You could die waiting. Acknowledge it and act.

What's the next discrete step? Simply pressing her contact icon on your iphone? Grab an egg timer, set it for a minute. Until that timer goes off you are the baddest mf-er on the planet. You can be a coward later. Tell yourself that after that minute you can go back to being your normal afraid self. But until the eggtimer dings you are absolutely out of your mind, you are a damned crazy fool, and you are going to press the crap out of that contact icon.

You'll be in the flow before you can remember your promise to go back to being a coward, and momentum will carry you forward from there.


For me personally, in moments of doubt, the simple question of "What's the next discrete step?" is a miracle-worker. As an example, I don't know how to bake really. I do know, however, how to call up my baking-fanatic buddy, or how to google "learning to bake for noobs 101." Or more personally, I never knew how to wind up married to a woman that I would love more than the world. I did, however, know how to say Hi.

 

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[OzGrinder]

It would actually be better for you if you call and get rejected. You're freaking out about calling some girl and posting about it online.

What happens if she says yes, then it turns into a relationship, then 6 months down the track she's treating you like crap, are you going to have the balls to walk away? Or are you going to be thinking 'it was so hard to get her, I can't leave her, I might not find anyone better etc.'

Once you get rejected a few hundred times, calling a girl becomes as routine as taking a shower. Whether it's an FHM model, TV actress or the 'girl next door' you used to have a crush on... You'll no longer care. The fear/excitement will disappear for the most part.

Once you get to there you can concentrate on screening every girl you date to find someone who's a perfect match for you, rather than just settling for whatever girl shows interest regardless of compatibility.

 

[Lights]

eh... I was just thinking

you need to get some b@lls. That's what is wrong with you. You wimp/sissy. You sound like you might be the type to be the fool. The guy who will allow his girlfriend to cheat on him, and still love her with all his heart because she's the one. The guy who will let the woman make all the decisions. The guy who will live with rose color glasses.

I'm saying this for your own good too, since a guy who is this afraid to approach a girl is usually a sucker. Any girl can wink at you and you will think it's love at first sight

You have a heavy crush which I consider odd for a guy pass 19 to have. It's been over a year. You need to get out some. If you're younger than 19, then I think it's normal, but I assume not because you said you knew her for a while.

Pick up that phone, if you want a date. Don't expect marriage. Or don't pick it up. Either way, she might already have a boyfriend. Don't settle for someone who has no compatibility, you might as well be single and free then trap and unhappy.

Work on yourself. Build your confidence up.

edit: I check. Your first message said you're 20 in 2011, so you're 21. Grow a pair!

 

[Jonleehacker]

Practice. Call another girl, ask your sister to help you, hell your Mom. Tell her what's up and that you want to practice to get over your fear.

Anything you want to get better at, you have to practice, rehearse, whatever you call it. It's the reason pro golfers practice and Broadway performers, so you train your body to be able to feel the heavy duty emotions (which are normal) and still do what you need it to do (communicate).

Take anything hard and break it into steps, you can do it.

 

[kahem89]

Get laid, before I get here number. You don't want that.

Clock is ticking...

 

[FastNAwesome]

I assume second definition

Urban Dictionary: rsd

which still doesn't make sense.

It's geeks teaching geeks how to get laid, looks something like this:

[video=youtube;j72PZY_rzU4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j72PZY_rzU4[/video]

can be fun to watch

 

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[Chicago457]

A couple weekends ago I was at a party Friday night left at 11 banged this sexy gogo dancer girl in my car. Then wen't back in and left with my x gf at 2 am slept with her. Than Saturday night slept with another girl. I'm a average looking dude. Maybe that will make you feel better. LOL I had a fun weekend. Oh and yes I did wrap it up. Like the good old saying....wear a latex so she doesn't get your pay checks. :coolgleamA:

Just be confidant and be kinda a dick enough that she laughs but not too much and kind of a sweet heart at the same time, don't ask me why but girls love that. Don't act like a friend act like her man. Just don't be scared. If you are persistent you will be successful like any business.

The way I look at things is would you rather regret not saying anything and missing the opportunity after or take a chance? Also the good girls who are girlfriend material get taken fast so don't wait too long. Go man up and be yourself and you got it bro

 

[santa]

indeed, she probably don't give a shit about me!

That's all you've learnt from this experience? ok, this is not a dating forum but you've been given 3 pages of advice and that's it? "She doesn't give a shit about me". If that makes you realise some truths than great. But please at some point go back through this thread, read all the advice and ask yourself what you'd do differently going forward.

Good Luck

 

[GuestUser8117]

So there's this girl I haven't seen for a year because of my stupidity, my fear of calling her. We've seen 5-6 times and I really liked her. We're not really friends though. Last time I saw her we kissed. You see months have passed, days pass by without seeing each other. I called 2 times despite my fear but I'm still shiting in my pants. I'm so afraid to pick up the damn phone.

Everytime I take the phone my heart rate is increasing like crazy and I fail to call her. This is so frustrating I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. We talk on facebook but that's it. I am disgusted with my behavior right now, how can I conquer this fear?

 

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