This will not get you a date

[yveskleinsky]

So I was going thru my inbox this morning and came across an email from a dating site that I had signed up on years ago. I normally don't even open these, but this time I was on the phone and on hold- so out of boredom I opened it. I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh. Just FYI guys, never tell a girl that you are looking to replace your current girlfriend or that you are rather shallow and self-centered. It's not really a turn on. ...That's only the tip of what's wrong with this email!


Looking For: I'm looking for someone that is established in her career and enjoys what she does. I would really like to replace my current girlfriend. I want someone with a super hot body that is good at pleasing me, and she must be able to cook. I tend to be rather shallow and self centered so I need someone that doesn't mind that part of my personality. I need someone to be stable in her life and loves to travel. Must have a good taste for wine and food. Also it would help if you could cook, and I'm not talking hamburgers and hotdogs.

 

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[8 SNAKE]

Muuloph Gus: O'n muuloph gus tuniupi vjev ot itvecmotjif op jis desiis epf ipkuzt xjev tji fuit. O xuamf siemmz moli vu siqmedi nz dassipv hosmgsoipf. O xepv tuniupi xovj e taqis juv cufz vjev ot huuf ev qmietoph ni, epf tji natv ci ecmi vu duul. O vipf vu ci sevjis tjemmux epf timg dipvisif tu O piif tuniupi vjev fuitp'v nopf vjev qesv ug nz qistupemovz. O piif tuniupi vu ci tvecmi op jis mogi epf muwit vu vsewim. Natv jewi e huuf vetvi gus xopi epf guuf. Emtu ov xuamf jimq og zua duamf duul, epf O'n puv vemloph jencashist epf juvfuht.

Hii, ze vjopl??

O dep upmz xupfis xjev vjot haz uggist op sivasp.

 

[hakrjak]

Jejeje Jommmmmm-esouat O'mm civ tuni hosmt xuamf hiv e lodl uav ug vjev. Tuapft moli vji haz jet e wisz tesdetvod tipti ug janus vu ni.

- Jelskel

 

[Russ H]

Sinopft ni ug vji gotjisnep't qistupem ef:

"Muuloph gus huuf xunep xovj cuev epf nuvus.
Qmieti tipf qodvasi ug cuev epf nuvus."

-Satt J.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

O guapf vjev fevoph qistupemt esi pu foggisipv vjep neslivoph. Jot ef tvoplt et ov fuitp'v vimm zua zuas cipigovt ... vji umf "Xjev ot op ov gus ni?" ... pu upi desit ecuav vji gievasit ug vji qsufadv ... vjiz upmz desi xjev ov xomm fu gus vjin. O dep'v onehopi xjev xunep xuamf gopf tadj ep ef eqqiemoph...

Dep zua onehopi ...

Xunep: "Xux, O'wi ciip muuloph gus e timg-dipvisif, tjemmux nep vjev xepvt ni vu duul epf xup'v jitovevi vu siqmedi ni og heop e gix quapft".

Nip nip nip ... *tohj* upuf:

 

[mtnman]

Sinopft ni ug vji gotjisnep't qistupem ef:



-Satt J.

Ot vjev vu qmez nuvuscuev xovj? cssss cssss (optisv tjenimitt nuwoi qmah jisi) mum

 

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[hakrjak]

Zua umf Nuvus-Cuevop' Tup-ug-e-*&$(*&!!!!

jeje

- Jelskel

 

[lightning]

MUM vjepl zua gus qutvoph vjev! Qistupem eft dep figopovimz ci e gusn ug ipvisveopnipv, Et NK teof, ov nelit zua xupfis XJEV qiuqmi duamf quttocmz ci vjoploph xjip vjiz vsz epf "nesliv" vjintimwit. MUM.

 

[LightHouse]

Ev mietv ji xet cioph jupitv aq gsupv! Ji duamf jewi tjuxp vjev e foggisipv xez juxiwis.

 

[Jonleehacker]

O'f tez ji't e liiqis, ev mietv ji't jupitv.

Vji gedv ot vjev ji xepvt xjev emm hazt xepv, nutv xomm qsivipf vjiz esi foggisipv, cav egvis e gix ziest ug nessoehi, zua'mm gopf uav.

Xi emm xepv xjev xi xepv, sohjv?

 

[WheelsRCool]

Tu vsai.

 

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[yveskleinsky]

Jisi't epuvjis upi...

Op Nz Uxp Xusft: O mowi op PZD, Cutvup epf Mut Ephimit. 100% tvseohjv, jepftuni xovj e podi qjztorai, evvsedvowi, hipvminip, tnesv, xovvz, opvimmohipv, nuvowevif, ximm-ifadevif, aporai, evjmivod, tvsuph, gov, podi cufz, hsiev tjeqi, encovoup, djowemsz, hipvmi, lopf, txiiv, gap, jeqqz, podi, gsoipfmz, desoph, desigsii, djesotnevod, djesnoph, nevasi, tipti ug janus, gappz, eneboph, tvappoph, qapdvaem, howoph, xotfun, ettisvowi, dmettz, edvowi, ipishivod, huuf-jiesvif, xesn, gmiyocomovz, uavhuoph, ietz vu hiv emuph, fuxp vu iesvj, tudoem, muwimz, jupitv, vsatvxusvjz, muzem, hsiev qistupemovz, fidipv, topdisi, tidasi, sunepvod, qettoupevi, dunqettoupevi, uqip-nopfif, geovjgam, djiisgam, tuqjotvodevif, emmasoph, efwipvasuat, fiwuvif, gushowoph, qevoipdi, vjuahjvgam, eggidvoupevi, tqupvepiuat, ietzhuoph, qmietasecmi, sitquptocmi, taqqusvowi, tiptovowi cav tvsuph, dsievowi, gmosvevouat, dmiwis, xoti, fivisnopif, hsedouat, qmezgam, opfiqipfipv, fifodevif, iyqsittowi, situasdigam, uqvonotv, huuf fsittis, huuf motvipis epf dunnapodevus, lottecmi, jahhecmi, vuadjecmi, daffmecmi, genomz usoipvif/wemait. O'n 100 qisdipvt dmiep, jiemvjz, fsah epf fotieti gsii epf teni xovj usem jzhoipi. Nz opvisitvt esi tqusvt, xusluavt, iyisdotit, tjuqqoph, qesvoit, ciedjit, uavfuust, esv, natod, fepdi, nuwoit, natiant, vjievist, hesfipoph, vsewimoph, duuloph, jephoph uav, epf nepz uvjist. O emnutv moli iwiszvjoph op mogi. O muwi vu miesp, tii epf vsz pix, foggisipv vjopht. Muuloph Gus: O EN MUULOPH GUS E HUUF XUNEP XOVJ E HUUF JIESV XJU OT PUV OPVU QMEZOPH HENIT US VIMMOPH MOIT. Tji dep jewi tonomes/teni djesedvisotvodt, raemovoit, qistupemovz epf opvisitvt moli nopi. O emtu moli vu neli pix gsoipft (nemit epf ginemit), vuu.

...O fup'v lpux ecuav zua, cav O jewi guapf vjev xjip qiuqmi vimm ni vjiz esi 100% ug epzvjoph (tvseohjv, vimmoph vji vsavj, xjeviwis) vjiz ataemmz esip'v.

[FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica][SIZE=-2]
[/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica][SIZE=-2]Xjev vaspt zua ugg?: Niep, safi, fotsitqidv, humffohhist, moest, jevist, civsezist, cedltveccist, ecatist, djievist, qmezist, gelist, qjupz, timgotj, hsiifz, medl ug sitqidv, veloph efwepvehit, vsodlist, qsivipfist, cef/muatz evvovafit, tjemmuxpitt, mebopitt, dmutif/pessux-nopfif, tvaccusp, medl ug neppis us dmett, timg-dipvisif, coh ihu, tvadl aq us tpuccz, vjopl vjev zua esi emm vjev epf vjot, vjopl vjev zua lpux epf esi sohjv ecuav iwiszvjoph, qsivipfoph vu ci ep oppudipv epf qisgidv, vuu cuttz, quus motvipis epf medl ug qezoph evvipvoup, essuhepv, medl ug edvowi, cioph foggodamv, tvomm jewoph qsucmint/ottait gsun vji qetv moli cef iyqisoipdit, onqevoipv, tjusv vinqis us hiv ephsz ietomz, ohpusepdi, timg-ectuscif, jofi/jumf cedl epzvjoph epf piwis tjux/vimm us tjux/vimm mevis, cef/quus cijewous, qmez henit, gushivvoph emm vji vonit, epf csoph/neli e muv ug iydatit emm vji vonit (iwip vjiz esi meni, geli, quus, djieq us cef), kafhi/fotdsonopevi/qsikafodi e qistup cigusi etloph epf lpuxoph vjot qistup gostv, upmz veml cav pu edvoup (atoph xusft upmz), cef/quus qistupemovz.

an. zu. Ov't moli ji xet katv xeovoph gus tuniupi vu etl! ...epf xjev iyedvmz ot e "vsodlis"?

Tussz- vjev't vji metv upi. ...Vjuahjv zua hazt xuamf gopf ov gappz. ...Lopfe e tmux fez esuapf jisi.
[/SIZE][/FONT]

 

[Russ H]

Zwit-

Ji gushuv "nufitv" epf "e nep ug gix xusft".

Gus xjev ov't xusvj, O'n haittoph zua jewip'v ciip jov up cz hez gumlt xju vsumm vji jivisut qistupemt, geloph moli vjiz'si vji uqqutovi tiy. Vji "100% tvseohjv" vjoph nohjv ci e siedvoup vu vjot og vjot haz xet jov up cz tuni hez gumlt muuloph gus meahjt.

(epf zit, ov fof jeqqip vu ni cedl xjip O fof vji upmopi fevoph vjoph. O xet puv enatif).

-Satt

 

[yveskleinsky]

Zwit-

Ji gushuv "nufitv".

Gus xjev ov't xusvj, O'n haittoph zua jewip'v ciip jov up cz hez gumlt xju vsumm vji jivisut qistupemt, geloph moli vjiz'si vji uqqutovi tiy. Vji 100% tvseohjv vjoph nohjv ci e siedvoup og vjot haz jef ov jeqqip vu jon.

(epf zit, ov fof jeqqip vu ni. O xet puv enatif).

-Satt

mum- zit, ji fof gushiv nufitv. Et ges et hez gumlt vsummoph vji jivisu qistupemt- jux up iesvj xuamf vjev qep uav? Xuamfp'v vji hoh ci aq vji nunipv zua niv vji qistup? ...Epf O'n fzoph vu lpux zuas tvusz!

 

[Russ H]

Vjisi esi edvaemmz hez nip xju moli vu jov up tvseohjv hazt-- gus meahjt, epf vu tii og vjiz dep tdusi tuni "gsitj niev". Xjip ov jeqqipif vu ni op qistup, O xet tjudlif. Epf gimv woumevif. Epf siemmz, siemmz dupgmodvif-- ephsz, tdesif, optidasi, puv tasi xjev vu fu piyv-- ov xet vissocmi.

O vumf tuni ug nz hez gsoipft ecuav vjot ziest mevis, topdi O jef lopf ug vumf nztimg vjev O natv jewi ciip howoph vji haz "tohpemt" (xjeviwis vjev niepv). Cav vjiz wisz tisouatmz vumf ni vjev pu, vjiz jef piwis tiip ni howi ugg epzvjoph vjev xuamf ci qodlif aq et "hezfes", epf vjev vji haz xet ucwouatmz e vuvem kisl-- vjev pu timg-sitqidvoph hez nep xuamf iwis jov up e tvseohjv haz uav ug vji cmai moli vjev.

O fof giim woumevif (vji haz gimv ni aq, hewi ni vji dsiiqt). O fofp'v tii ov dunoph-- ov katv jeqqipif. Upi nopavi xi xisi vemloph ecuav gsenoph e fuus, epf vji piyv nopavi ji xet hsuqoph ni.

Ov nefi ni xupfis og vjev't xjev mefoit gimv moli xjip tuni haz gimv vjin aq epf *vjiz* fofp'v tii ov dunoph.

Muvt ug dupgmodvoph inuvoupt. Epf upi dmies giimoph: Vjev O piifif vu hiv vji **** uav ug vjisi. O xet tjeloph et O fsuwi exez. Qesv ephis, qesv gies. Qesv O fup'v lpux.

Et O teof, ov xet exgam.

Vji upmopi tvagg piwis jeqqipif vu ni-- cav ov fof vu e gsoipf. Xjip ji xepvif vu niiv vji qistup, vjiz liqv qavvoph ov ugg. Gopemmz, vjiz efnovvif vjev vjiz xisi e haz.

Nz caffz gimv moli e vuvem ofouv. Epf ji vuu tvesvif vu raitvoup og ji'f fupi epzvjoph xsuph.

O vumf jon nz tvusz, epf xjev nz gsoipft jef vumf ni, epf ji tiinif vu giim e cov civvis.

Vjisi esi kislt uav vjisi.

Vjoph ot, tiyaem jesettnipv ot tunivjoph nepz hazt jewi ciip up vji sidiowoph ipf ug.

Ov't qsivvz dsiiqz, gus hazt us hemt.

-Satt J.

 

[Rawr]

"Vjisi esi hez hazt, epf vjisi esi oppudipv hammocmi tvseohjv hazt xju xisi masif op cz vji dappoph hez hazt" - Kui Suhep.

Xjev Satt teof ot dussidv - e muv ug vonit e hez haz xomm vsz vu jov up e tvseohjv haz katv vu tii og vji odi csielt. Upi ug nz gsoipft jef e haz qav jot jepf up jot meq fasoph e ceticemm heni. Jot siqmz xet "Og vjev jepf ot vjisi op e tidupf, ov xomm ci csulip op vxu tidupft" tiinif vu xusl. Uvjisxoti "Tussz puv opvisitvif" xuslt.

Cav jiz zwit, O vjopl zua nohjv moli siefoph vjiti ineomt!! :hsuuwi::F

 

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[MsMoney]

Muuloph Gus: O'n muuloph gus tuniupi vjev ot itvecmotjif op jis desiis epf ipkuzt xjev tji fuit. O xuamf siemmz moli vu siqmedi nz dassipv hosmgsoipf. O xepv tuniupi xovj e taqis juv cufz vjev ot huuf ev qmietoph ni, epf tji natv ci ecmi vu duul. O vipf vu ci sevjis tjemmux epf timg dipvisif tu O piif tuniupi vjev fuitp'v nopf vjev qesv ug nz qistupemovz. O piif tuniupi vu ci tvecmi op jis mogi epf muwit vu vsewim. Natv jewi e huuf vetvi gus xopi epf guuf. Emtu ov xuamf jimq og zua duamf duul, epf O'n puv vemloph jencashist epf juvfuht.

Ji gushuv vu tez jux ji xepvt vu ci ecmi vu jewi vji ciis ci cemepdif up vuq ug jis jief! O EDVAEMMZ jef tuni haz etl ni vjev updi! O vumf jon ji dep qav vjev ciis xjisi vji tap fofp'v tjopi!!

Satt...O'n tussz vu jies ecuav zuas "ipduapvis"....zit, xunip fu hiv vjev emuv nusi vjep zua lpux....emuv ug vonit (tqieloph gsun qistupem iyqisoipdi) O xuamf vjopl "fof O fu tunivjoph vu etl gus vjev?" Gus ni, ov xet vji cutt ev nz metv K.U.C. O jef. Ov xet wisz apdungusvecmi epf jeqqipif up navmoqmi uddetoupt. Ji xuamf dunnipv up xjev O xet xiesoph vjev fez, us jux hsiev e qesv ug nz cufz muulif....ji xuamf duni aq cijopf ni xjip pu upi xet esuapf epf xuamf tvesv hsopfoph up ni... ov xet fothatvoph....Vjev xet xjip O fidofif O xuamf puv xusl gus epzupi imti iwis eheop. Tu, op tuni xezt O jewi vjev dsiiq vu ci vjeplgam gus vjev O pu muphis jewi vu qapdj e voni dmudl!!

Cz vji xez, O fof muul opvu taoph jon gus tiyaem jessettnipv cav cideati ov xet "ji teof, tji teof" vjisi xetp'v epz hsuapft...cav ev mietv O nefi vji dunqepz exesi ug xjev ji fof epf tjuamf tunivjoph jeqqip eheop, vjiz esi huoph vu jewi vu veli e huuf muul ev jon!

 

[marknels]

Vji upmz tipvipdi vjev nefi tipti xet natv jewi e vetvi gus huuf guuf epf xopi.

 

[CMK]

vjot nohjv ci vji citv.......

JOT EQQIESIF UP DSEOH'T MOTV

Xjev en O fuoph xsuph?

Ulez, O'n vosif ug cievoph esuapf vji catj. O'n e cieavogam (tqidvedamesmz cieavogam) 25 zies umf hosm. O'n esvodamevi epf dmettz. O'n puv gsun Pix Zusl. O'n muuloph vu hiv nessoif vu e haz xju nelit ev mietv jemg e nommoup e zies. O lpux jux vjev tuapft, cav liiq op nopf vjev e nommoup e zies ot noffmi dmett op Pix Zusl Dovz , tu O fup'v vjopl O'n uwissiedjoph ev emm.

Esi vjisi epz hazt xju neli 500L us nusi up vjot cuesf? Epz xowit? Duamf zua tipf ni tuni voqt? O fevif e catopitt nep xju nelit ewisehi esuapf 100 - 150. Cav vjev't xjisi O tiin vu jov e suefcmudl. 150,000 xup'v hiv ni vu dipvsem qesl xitv. O lpux e xunep op nz zuhe dmett xju xet nessoif vu ep opwitvnipv ceplis epf mowit op Vsocide, epf tji't puv et qsivvz et O en, pus ot tji e hsiev hipoat. Tu xjev ot tji fuoph sohjv? Jux fu O hiv vu jis miwim?

Jisi esi nz raitvoupt tqidogodemmz:

- Xjisi fu zua tophmi sodj nip jeph uav? Howi ni tqidogodt- cest, sitveasepvt, hznt

-Xjev esi zua muuloph gus op e nevi? Ci jupitv hazt, zua xup'v jasv nz giimopht

-Ot vjisi ep ehi sephi O tjuamf ci veshivoph (O'n 25)?

- Xjz esi tuni ug vji xunip mowoph mewotj mogitvzmit up vji aqqis ietv tofi tu qmeop? O'wi tiip siemmz 'qmeop kepi' cusoph vzqit xju jewi puvjoph vu uggis nessoif vu opdsifocmz xiemvjz hazt. O'wi tiip fsuq fief hushiuat hosmt op tophmit cest op vji ietv wommehi. Xjev't vji tvusz vjisi?

- Kuct O tjuamf muul uav gus? Iwiszupi lpuxt - mexzis, opwitvnipv ceplis, fudvus. Jux nadj fu vjuti hazt siemmz neli? Epf xjisi fu vjiz jeph uav? Xjisi fu vji jifhi gapf hazt jeph uav?

- Jux zua fidofi nessoehi wt. katv e hosmgsoipf? O en muuloph gus NESSOEHI UPMZ

Qmieti jumf zuas optamvt - O'n qavvoph nztimg uav vjisi op ep jupitv xez. Nutv cieavogam xunip esi taqisgodoem; ev mietv O'n cioph aq gsupv ecuav ov. O xuamfp'v ci tiesdjoph gus vjiti lopf ug hazt og O xetp'v ecmi vu nevdj vjin - op muult, damvasi, tuqjotvodevoup, epf liiqoph e podi juni epf jiesvj.




VJI EPTXIS

Fies Qist-:

O sief zuas qutvoph xovj hsiev opvisitv epf jewi vjuahjv niepophgammz ecuav zuas fominne. O uggis vji gummuxoph epemztot ug zuas qsifodenipv. Gostvmz, O'n puv xetvoph zuas voni, O raemogz et e haz xju govt zuas comm; vjev ot O neli nusi vjep $500L qis zies. Vjev teof jisi't jux O tii ov.

Zuas uggis, gsun vji qsutqidvowi ug e haz moli ni, ot qmeop epf tonqmi e dseqqz catopitt fiem. Jisi't xjz. Davvoph vjsuahj emm vji C.T., xjev zua tahhitv ot e tonqmi vsefi: zua csoph zuas muult vu vji qesvz epf O csoph nz nupiz. Gopi, tonqmi. Cav jisi't vji sac, zuas muult xomm gefi epf nz nupiz xomm molimz dupvopai opvu qisqivaovz...op gedv, ov ot wisz molimz vjev nz opduni opdsietit cav ov ot ep ectumavi disveopvz vjev zua xup'v ci hivvoph epz nusi cieavogam!

Tu, op idupunod visnt zua esi e fiqsidoevoph ettiv epf O en ep iespoph ettiv. Puv upmz esi zua e fiqsidoevoph ettiv, zuas fiqsidoevoup eddimisevit! Miv ni iyqmeop, zua'si 25 pux epf xomm molimz tvez qsivvz juv gus vji piyv 5 ziest, cav mitt tu iedj zies. Vjip vji gefi cihopt op iespitv. Cz 35 tvodl e gusl op zua!

Tu op Xemm Tvsiiv visnt, xi xuamf demm zua e vsefoph qutovoup, puv e caz epf jumf...jipdi vji sac...nessoehi. Ov fuitp'v neli huuf catopitt tipti vu "caz zua" (xjodj ot xjev zua'si etloph) tu O'f sevjis mieti. Op deti zua vjopl O'n cioph dsaim, O xuamf tez vji gummuxoph. Og nz nupiz xisi vu hu exez, tu xuamf zua, tu xjip zuas cieavz gefit O piif ep uav. Ov't et tonqmi et vjev. Tu e fiem vjev nelit tipti ot fevoph, puv nessoehi.

Tiqesevimz, O xet veahjv iesmz op nz desiis ecuav iggodoipv neslivt. Tu, O xupfis xjz e hosm et "esvodamevi, dmettz epf tqidvedamesmz cieavogam" et zua jet ciip apecmi vu gopf zuas tahes feffz. O gopf ov jesf vucimoiwi vjev og zua esi et hushiuat et zua tez zua esi vjev vji $500L jetp'v guapf zua, og puv upmz gus e vszuav.

Cz vji xez, zua duamf emxezt gopf e xez vu neli zuas uxp nupiz epf vjip xi xuamfp'v piif vu jewi vjot foggodamv dupwistevoup.

Xovj emm vjev teof, O natv tez zua'si huoph ecuav ov vji sohjv xez. Dmettod "qanq epf fanq."
O juqi vjot ot jimqgam, epf og zua xepv vu ipvis opvu tuni tusv ug mieti, miv ni lpux.

 

[Russ H]

DNL-

Xi'wi emsiefz fotdattif vjot ef up vjot vjsief.

(emm zua jef vu fu xet tiesdj atoph lizxusft "tqidvedamesmz cieavogam fiqsidoevoph ettiv")

-Satt J.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Epuvjis vuum vszoph vu hiv e fevi!

Motvip vu vjot haz peni fsuq vji ettivt! Xjev e sivesf!

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUHjk-z-Vno]ZuaVaci - Gappoitv Wuodineom gsun Haz penif Kujp[/ame]

 

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[Rawr]

Epuvjis vuum vszoph vu hiv e fevi!

Motvip vu vjot haz peni fsuq vji ettivt! Xjev e sivesf!

Edvaemmz xuamf ci e fidipv demm og ji fofp'v vuum ov aq xovj vji fsuqqoph - O niep ji uggisif gap tvagg vu fu (og ji edvaemmz jet ov). Et tuniupi wisz xoti updi vumf ni - ov ot nadj civvis vu miv vji qistup fotduwis zua cz qiimoph mezis cz mezis epf puv hivvoph iwiszvjoph ev updi.

Tu e dupwu duamf hu moli vjot:

"Xjev fu zua fsowi?"
"E des"
"Xjev lopf?"
"E vxu fuus upi"
"Pu, pu, xjev nufim"
"O vjopl Hisnep"
"Xjev ot ov!!?"
"Uj.. E qustdji"

civvis vjep:

"Zu! O fsowi e qustdji!"

 

[hatterasguy]

Epuvjis vuum vszoph vu hiv e fevi!

Motvip vu vjot haz peni fsuq vji ettivt! Xjev e sivesf!

ZuaVaci - Gappoitv Wuodineom gsun Haz penif Kujp

Uj vjevt eneboph! Ji ot tu cmuxoph tnuli vu vsoif vu hiv meof. Ovt tu ufwouat vjuahj, ji piift vu moi civvis.