Some people who get rich get snobby? Anyone else experience this?

[WJK]

Good on you both trying to keep the relationship going but than realizing you must put boundaries up. I've lost best friends for way less damaging reasons and the behavior your friend is putting up is pretty toxic and only she can help herself, which sad to say she probably won't and to walk away to protect yourself is the best brave move you have made.

And yah past friendships mean no obligations, something I've been dealing with a lot lately as I was always the one trying to maintain relationships where the responsibility was always on me to connect. Im a nomad and move around a lot and seems like being the person away from my real hometown or adopted town means Im the one who seems like is expected keep the communication going based on when I come home and if I dont reach out to the zillion people I get wrecked with anger because I dont contact all friends when visit home (usually only ones that I keep up with).

I totally understand. You must do what is best for you. You get to choose who you hang out with and who you let go.

Letting go of my old friend was tough. I had good memories of when we were young and hung out together. But, dropping our friendship is for the best. She's become a demanding taker. At first, I thought I could help her. Then, I was quickly tired of giving to her while she wasn't helping herself. I realized that I wasn't helping her -- with every handout, I was enabling her to be irresponsible. I wouldn't do that for my grown kids. Why would I take on an old friend?

 

[p0stscript]

I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?

Reminds me of old UK comedy show

View: https://youtu.be/U8Kum8OUTuk

 

[Mattie]

The reason I asked was that I have never experienced anything quite like this before and was curious to see if anyone else experienced this.

I included that I "lived better" to show the irony and emphasize the fact that often in life there is a balancing to everyone's life. Just because someone doesn't have millions in the bank doesn't mean they can't live better than someone who does.

There's snobby people in every social class. I believe that is just a personal choice. This usually means from my experience the last 50 years in different places where work, school, different types of relationship styles, we each hold a certain belief we create ourselves of people need to live up to our definition of what we see from our perspective.

This is no different then social groups on the macro or micro level around the world. We create as individuals what is acceptable behavior and expectations.

You might have two Millionaires that can't stand one another and don't feel the other one matches up to their set of social norms in one another. We see this all the time with different social groups online and offline. Even in the workplace you might have a Boss that is a snob and treats the other Bosses differently and there might be certain "Rewards" one gets more than the other.

Who is more valuable? Who shines more? "Competitive."

There is also the "Ego" involved. "I am better then you." "You are below me." "You are above me." You can see the superior and inferior complex.

 

[Deleted85763]

I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?

 

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[AJ..]

I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?

That reply from them was just probably to test you and see if you have changed or are the same.
They are probably just looking for people that have the same mentality as them and that's why they say such things (its not even bad to say that imo).
I've noticed that the more successful a person is the more "safe" they are with who they keep in their circle so if that is acting snobby to keep peasants away then thats their choice.
Hopefully this gets some ideas for you and helps.

AJ

 

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[Deleted85763]

That reply from them was just probably to test you and see if you have changed or are the same.
They are probably just looking for people that have the same mentality as them and that's why they say such things (its not even bad to say that imo).
I've noticed that the more successful a person is the more "safe" they are with who they keep in their circle so if that is acting snobby to keep peasants away then thats their choice.
Hopefully this gets some ideas for you and helps.

AJ

Definitely they were testing but testing to see if I had money, too! When they quickly figured out that I was not in their league (so they thought) they started making condescending remarks.

Their "circle" is apparently getting smaller and the only ones included are the ones who can afford to fly off to Paris or wherever just for a week at the spa.

 

[Deleted85763]

what I've heard is that people who have achieved great success and riches, later in life, are a lot more humble than you'd expect them to be.

Maybe you just misinterpreted it and your ego felt a blow. The affluent tend to speak about high value items and luxury experience like the average discuss low value items.

My ego did not feel it as a blow. My ego felt it as "I can't believe this happening."

 

[Itizn]

My ego did not feel it as a blow. My ego felt it as "I can't believe this happening."

that's the same thing

 

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[AJ..]

Definitely they were testing but testing to see if I had money, too! When they quickly figured out that I was not in their league (so they thought) they started making condescending remarks.

Their "circle" is apparently getting smaller and the only ones included are the ones who can afford to fly off to Paris or wherever just for a week at the spa.

Thats just how it is man.
The more you hang with a peasant or someone below you the more you lose and the more they gain.
It's good if you could hang around them though because you would gain from it if they are above you as you say.

Anyway, I do feel like those people are playing the social game and not the wealth game.
In social games you play by putting down those who play wealth games because you want to gain status, but those are zero-sum, while wealth games are played by making more people gain from the same things.

Maybe they also said it in a casual way like, they are so used to being wealthy it was surprising you couldn't afford it.
And if that caused discomfort in you that may actually be good because now you're thriving for more.

Hope this makes sense to you.
AJ

 

[Deleted85763]

that's the same thing

It's not the same. I don't feel less about myself because others may have more. Some people do for sure. Maybe you do. I just couldn't believe they were behaving that way. It's one thing to tell people about things they have or bought recently but to intentionally try to make the listener feel jealous or bad in some way is in my opinion a form of phycological abuse. Those people wasted their valuable time on me. Maybe they got satisfaction in some sick way.

I will say though I have had a lot of good fortune and experiences in my life, I should say incredible experiences, so maybe that's why I don't feel bad. I might if I never experienced a lot of those things.

 

[Deleted85763]

you made this thread because someone hurt your feelings.

admit it and move on.

Actually it was so surprising that I just wanted to know if this is something that is something else others have experienced. I know other rich people, one guy is a billionaire, and they don't act that way at all.

 

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[Deleted85763]

I think this is sometimes a perception issue. It really depends on how you take it and also their tone or attitude when they say it.

Recently, I was in Vegas and met up with some old friends that I haven't seen in 10+ years. They ask the general questions, so what's going on, how have you been. I mention that I'm moving to Vegas, blah blah, and eventually the topic of what part I'm living in comes up and I mention that I'm waiting for the house to be built. One person asks how much the house is, he says is it like $300-$500k.

So how am I supposed to answer this? I mean he did ask right? Saying yes it's around there is fine but lying. Saying it's $1.X m may come off as bragging. I decided to straight up answer it because after all, he did ask. I often wonder if I came off as bragging or condescending.

Then someone else says, what kind of car are you driving now. Do you still have the NSX? Again, how do I answer this? I didn't mention any of my past cars this time. I just said I'm done with fancy cars and left it at that.

We had a great group dinner and the bill was $800ish. I wanted to pay for the whole dinner, but I did not because I was wondering if that would come off wrong.

But what's different is that if I was with a different group, all that conversation would have been fine. There wouldn't have been a second thought.

So to answer your question. I think that people with a ton of money speak about generally things do buy and do without even thinking about the relative price. To them, it's just the common price.

I'll give you another example, when climbing Kilimanjaro in Africa where guides and porters make between $1-$8 a day, I found myself not talking about things that cost $25-$50 in the same way around them. For example, I could have said something like, that shitty hotel cost $50 per night. Which could have come off exactly the same way your friend talked about a $700/night hotel to them.

I heard this saying once "Even a dog knows when it has been stepped on intentionally." I felt in the circumstance I described above that they were in fact behaving in an intentional way in order to see just how far I was from them in material things. After they sized me up it was fun for them to try to get a rise out of me. They talked about their other friends, new friends, ones that were travelling internationally and going to luxury resorts.

What they didn't know, and will never know, was that I have lived better for many years than being in any luxury resort anywhere.

 

[Deleted85763]

I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?

Thank you everyone who replied

This isn't new. There are countless books and movies talking about this phenomena of new money. The Great Gatsby is the first thing I think about. I don't know what psychological aspects are at play, but it seems it happens quite often for it to be a recurring theme. I would just let it slide and give them a second chance.

Thank you everyone who replied. It has given me some good perspective on what I experienced. It is very interesting to me how people use financial levels to determine "who's better" and to try to make others feel worse about their situation. "What's better" is obviously true in many cases and that's fine to talk about but not whose better. I'm just going to live my life the best I can. The only thing I want to talk about is how to earn the money and maybe what people are doing to really enjoy it.

 

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[Deleted85763]

My former best friend from high school would say I am a snob now ... and (candidly) he would be correct. I don't want to assocaite with people who are going nowhere in life.

Successful people want to be around other successful people.

Nothing new under the sun there.

That's not to say I'm mean about it. I try to handle these things gracefully. But if they dont get the hint, I will get to the point.

If we wouldn't be friends today if I met you on the street, Im not going to be friends because I knew you when you were a kid.

Say hello. Make a little small talk. Share a few memories. Catch up again in another 5 to 10 years.

It has nothing to do with people who are going nowhere in life. It has to do with people who have, or give the impression they have, a lot of money and try to put down others who have less.

 

[Deleted85763]

I'm just curious as to why you felt the need to make this statement to all of us if this experience had nothing to do with ego or getting your feelings hurt. Why do you feel the need to talk about having lived "better" to us?

I get that it's surprising when people don't turn out to be who we think they are... even moreso when they are off-putting... but it is what it is. Take it as a lesson in who you don't want to be while remaining curious about your own reaction to the scenario. Because I think that's where you'll learn the most here.

The reason I asked was that I have never experienced anything quite like this before and was curious to see if anyone else experienced this.

I included that I "lived better" to show the irony and emphasize the fact that often in life there is a balancing to everyone's life. Just because someone doesn't have millions in the bank doesn't mean they can't live better than someone who does.

 

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[door123]

You know you are over the "look at me" phase when you park a fancy car and someone else says "nice car!", and you say, "it's not mine, it's my friend's".

BTW, I have a Bugatti Veyron, but I never post photos of it or talk about it. So nobody knows.

Edit: Just kidding about that last part.
Edit 2: Or am I? ;-)

You could probably afford to finance a Veyron, Monthly Payments around $30k, Your take home pay would need to be $200K/month to easily afford the Veyron monthly payment.

 

[Deleted85763]

Again, ask yourself why you feel the need to make this point. Why does anyone need to know but you? Why do you feel the need to make sure that a group of strangers on the internet knows that you've lived well? I'm guessing it's for the same reason that your friends needed to make sure that *you* knew that they were living well. The irony is that you don't seem to see it just yet.

And I'm not trying to bust balls here, I just know that some of my best growth in life has come after taking a very hard, real look at my life, my motivations, my ego & my emotions & questioning WHY.

I hear what you're saying but as I said above: I included that I "lived better" to show the irony and emphasize the fact that there is a balancing to everyone's life. For example: The older rich man has money. The younger man has none. But the younger man has the more valuable asset of time and the potential to get rich.

This is a forum to share information and I was sharing this experience. So it if happens to someone else maybe they will know that they probably have have just as much, in whatever that is, good than anyone else.

 

[Private Witt]

I too have people from my past that I have left behind. I too try to be kind when I see them and then quickly put some distance between us.

That includes my best friend from high school. I used to feel like crying every time I saw her. She lives like a pig with her hoarding and she would pressure me to buy her things. Taking her out for a meal was a painful ordeal where she would become embarrassingly demanding and unreasonable. I just stopped calling or stopping by when I was working in her area -- which has made her very angry. Oh well. Our past friendship does NOT obligate me forever.

Good on you both trying to keep the relationship going but than realizing you must put boundaries up. I've lost best friends for way less damaging reasons and the behavior your friend is putting up is pretty toxic and only she can help herself, which sad to say she probably won't and to walk away to protect yourself is the best brave move you have made.

And yah past friendships mean no obligations, something I've been dealing with a lot lately as I was always the one trying to maintain relationships where the responsibility was always on me to connect. Im a nomad and move around a lot and seems like being the person away from my real hometown or adopted town means Im the one who seems like is expected keep the communication going based on when I come home and if I dont reach out to the zillion people I get wrecked with anger because I dont contact all friends when visit home (usually only ones that I keep up with).

 

[Deleted85763]

There's snobby people in every social class. I believe that is just a personal choice. This usually means from my experience the last 50 years in different places where work, school, different types of relationship styles, we each hold a certain belief we create ourselves of people need to live up to our definition of what we see from our perspective.

This is no different then social groups on the macro or micro level around the world. We create as individuals what is acceptable behavior and expectations.

You might have two Millionaires that can't stand one another and don't feel the other one matches up to their set of social norms in one another. We see this all the time with different social groups online and offline. Even in the workplace you might have a Boss that is a snob and treats the other Bosses differently and there might be certain "Rewards" one gets more than the other.

Who is more valuable? Who shines more? "Competitive."

There is also the "Ego" involved. "I am better then you." "You are below me." "You are above me." You can see the superior and inferior complex.

Yes, it is very complex. Since I asked the question the way I feel is "I do not care". I'll be classless and do what I want and take any "flak" or enjoy the rewards of not being what is expected. I ride my bicycle everywhere in a fairly large US sprawling city where probably less than 1% does and almost everyone transports their or bodies by car. Almost none of those people have not been to Denmark where a large percentage of the population rides a bicycle. The reality is different to. The majority in the US is very overweight and obese. In Denmark it's more of the opposite. People in their 80's even ride a bicycle!

 

[Kevin88660]

I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?

Kind of funny that living in a room that cost 700 per day requires much less wealth than having a significant holding of a publicly traded company.

It is hardly a flex given how rich they actually are.

 

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[MattR82]

I remember one of my best friends in grade school, 9 to 12 years old, being from a wealthy family and being super snobby as my family was dirt poor. When I remembered back as an adult I realised that his parents would get in on it as well, in a big way. Was pretty shocking to remember some of the things they would say.

He became a really successful person in the fashion industry that I met again in our late 20's early 30's but was one of the nicest, most helpful guys ever.

Gotta let it go.

 

[Mattie]

The reason I asked was that I have never experienced anything quite like this before and was curious to see if anyone else experienced this.

I included that I "lived better" to show the irony and emphasize the fact that often in life there is a balancing to everyone's life. Just because someone doesn't have millions in the bank doesn't mean they can't live better than someone who does.

I see this with the U.S. and Netherlands. They operate two different ways. They both can have negative and positive qualities depending on where you stand in the two cultures.

You have Environment, Wildlife, Sustainability, Recycling, Politics, Medical/Mental Health, Educational Systems, Religion/Spiritual, Family Dynamics, Sexuality/Sensuality, Social Problems/Social Issues, Police/Military, Government Branches/System.

I could tell in 2020 the way the Netherlands, Germany, U.K., and U.S. all handled the riots and protests differently besides other countries over on this side of the world.

In all these areas just with cultures themselves they can have the same issue of who is more powerful, who is more wealthy, who is superior and inferior in the society and culture, and why they believe is more valuable and who is not dependent on what they condition society to believe in all those areas.

Then you have the social classes.

On the micro-level neighborhoods, communities, counties, states, in the U.S. Borders in Europe and the providence or region of countries.

Dialects and languages. Which is more valuable.

We can do this with just about anything in our experience and society.

We have rivalry between sports teams, companies, organizations, agencies, non-profits, corporations, and educational systems.

We have this even between personality types.

We value titles, labels, niches, categories, certificates, degrees, and the more you show your authority at face value, your more valuable in mainstream in the U.S. I think as the individualism stands out more then the collectivism of our culture.

Depends more on the culture and country we are talking about and what they choose as acceptable in their society for social norms.

For example: You can have many families who reside together in the same household with many generations. Perhaps they own a piece of land and may have more than one building, share resources, and have a family business. They may work together as a team for the same goal. Maybe we could use the Amish for an example. The community works together for the common good of all in the community. Where if we're about individualism, we may only have our immediate family, wife, husband and children. A single man or woman in a house hold. We might have a two person household. (Room mates in college. Romantic/Sexual Relationship).

This then leads to the roots of one's family and the cultures they come from and how that is passed on to future generations in both positive and negative ways.

If you have one that is collectivism and one that is individualism, or self-service vs. service to others, this creates the conflict and complexity.

What is the more valuable situation? What ways is better or right? Often, both can be right or wrong at the same time. Both can have positive and negative qualities. We just get stuck in all these complexities, paradoxes, and contradictions we create as individuals and social groups and really in the end no one is more "Special" then the other if you bring "Covid" for example into the picture as 2020.

Covid doesn't care who you are or who you think you are. We're all equal in the situation.

Vaccines is a cultural choice to help the collectivism and not the individualism.

In Mackinac Island, Michigan, you are not supposed to drive a car. Most people walk, ride a bike, or ride on a horse or carriage ride. This would be a choice of a society that decides to get rid of all other forms of transportation and all agree it may be healthier for the whole of the community. This will not be something everyone will agree, because they love their fast cars, the shorter time frame of getting to one location to another, and prefer to be individualistic within the collective to get to their destination around the world. Planes, trains, ships, and automobiles do a lot of damage with pollution but we will put ourselves first before thinking of the impact we have on the environment.

Environmental scientists already can tell you we do a lot of damage around the world since Baby Boomers were born. It just became magnified with the last three generations.

Yes, it is very complex. Since I asked the question the way I feel is "I do not care". I'll be classless and do what I want and take any "flak" or enjoy the rewards of not being what is expected. I ride my bicycle everywhere in a fairly large US sprawling city where probably less than 1% does and almost everyone transports their or bodies by car. Almost none of those people have not been to Denmark where a large percentage of the population rides a bicycle. The reality is different to. The majority in the US is very overweight and obese. In Denmark it's more of the opposite. People in their 80's even ride a bicycle!

 

[WJK]

I don't remember where I heard this, it may even be from one of MJ's books, but "money doesn't change people, it just makes them more of who they already are."

Yes, it is true. Money acts as a magnifying glass for who you are...