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HOT TOPIC Some people who get rich get snobby? Anyone else experience this?

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robertwills

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I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?
 

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Itizn

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what I've heard is that people who have achieved great success and riches, later in life, are a lot more humble than you'd expect them to be.

Maybe you just misinterpreted it and your ego felt a blow. The affluent tend to speak about high value items and luxury experience like the average discuss low value items.
 

AJ..

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I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?
That reply from them was just probably to test you and see if you have changed or are the same.
They are probably just looking for people that have the same mentality as them and that's why they say such things (its not even bad to say that imo).
I've noticed that the more successful a person is the more "safe" they are with who they keep in their circle so if that is acting snobby to keep peasants away then thats their choice.
Hopefully this gets some ideas for you and helps.

AJ
 

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Not all are the same.
I had a friend, who is total snobby now. No more a friend now.
And I have a friend-my best friend in my youth-, whom I met again after 10 years. It was like in former times. After a year or so I recogniced, that he must be some 10 millions . But with no word ever he let that appear.

Maybe money only shows, who you are.
 

robertwills

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That reply from them was just probably to test you and see if you have changed or are the same.
They are probably just looking for people that have the same mentality as them and that's why they say such things (its not even bad to say that imo).
I've noticed that the more successful a person is the more "safe" they are with who they keep in their circle so if that is acting snobby to keep peasants away then thats their choice.
Hopefully this gets some ideas for you and helps.

AJ
Definitely they were testing but testing to see if I had money, too! When they quickly figured out that I was not in their league (so they thought) they started making condescending remarks.

Their "circle" is apparently getting smaller and the only ones included are the ones who can afford to fly off to Paris or wherever just for a week at the spa.
 

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Some people are clowns. Some people aren’t. Money doesn’t have much to do with it.

I get a lot more of that “OMG we paid (enter some supposedly impressive sum) for (something also supposedly impressive)” from high income job types than I hear from actual business people.

For the most part, I get along very well with wealthy people… I wouldn’t get along with someone like that.

I know people like this. They want to be the big fish in the small pond and when they find out that you’re swimming in a bigger pond they’ll bend over backwards to impress you… All it does is make them look like d bags.

I can tell you about someone I know that talks about all the stuff he buys. He doesn’t have an “RV” no… It’s a “motor coach” which is “better.” LOL.

He also once made it a point to talk loudly on the phone about “cutting someone a $5000 check.” Get out of here! “You mean you have five whole thousand dollars in your checking account! Wow!”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the people you are referring to are broke or will be soon. All the bragging in the world doesn’t make them richer than their reality. If they are impressed by the 700 dollar hotel room, just laugh as there is likely someone that flew over their stupid hotel in a private jet and they’ll set fire to $40k on a round trip and not give it another thought or brag.

As a rule, I don’t normally talk about money… I talk about business and dealings. The cause, not the effect. Most polite business people are the same.
 
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Castro

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Money is neither good nor bad...

People say money changes you...

People say money is the root of all evil...

Money doesn't change you...

It simply amplifies who you already are.
 

robertwills

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what I've heard is that people who have achieved great success and riches, later in life, are a lot more humble than you'd expect them to be.

Maybe you just misinterpreted it and your ego felt a blow. The affluent tend to speak about high value items and luxury experience like the average discuss low value items.
My ego did not feel it as a blow. My ego felt it as "I can't believe this happening."
 

AJ..

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Definitely they were testing but testing to see if I had money, too! When they quickly figured out that I was not in their league (so they thought) they started making condescending remarks.

Their "circle" is apparently getting smaller and the only ones included are the ones who can afford to fly off to Paris or wherever just for a week at the spa.
Thats just how it is man.
The more you hang with a peasant or someone below you the more you lose and the more they gain.
It's good if you could hang around them though because you would gain from it if they are above you as you say.

Anyway, I do feel like those people are playing the social game and not the wealth game.
In social games you play by putting down those who play wealth games because you want to gain status, but those are zero-sum, while wealth games are played by making more people gain from the same things.

Maybe they also said it in a casual way like, they are so used to being wealthy it was surprising you couldn't afford it.
And if that caused discomfort in you that may actually be good because now you're thriving for more.

Hope this makes sense to you.
AJ
 

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robertwills

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that's the same thing
It's not the same. I don't feel less about myself because others may have more. Some people do for sure. Maybe you do. I just couldn't believe they were behaving that way. It's one thing to tell people about things they have or bought recently but to intentionally try to make the listener feel jealous or bad in some way is in my opinion a form of phycological abuse. Those people wasted their valuable time on me. Maybe they got satisfaction in some sick way.

I will say though I have had a lot of good fortune and experiences in my life, I should say incredible experiences, so maybe that's why I don't feel bad. I might if I never experienced a lot of those things.
 

Itizn

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It's not the same. I don't feel less about myself because others may have more. Some people do for sure. Maybe you do. I just couldn't believe they were behaving that way. It's one thing to tell people about things they have or bought recently but to intentionally try to make the listener feel jealous or bad in some way is in my opinion a form of phycological abuse. Those people wasted their valuable time on me. Maybe they got satisfaction in some sick way.

I will say though I have had a lot of good fortune and experiences in my life, I should say incredible experiences, so maybe that's why I don't feel bad. I might if I never experienced a lot of those things.
you made this thread because someone hurt your feelings.

admit it and move on.
 

OMJ

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It's about fitting in with whoever they're socialising or working with.

They've become who they want to identify with.

To be part of that circle they have to dress, act, think, own, speak, do, as the others, otherwise they won't gain acceptance.

If the inner circle were Greenpeace tree huggers, that's what they'd become.

It just so happens the inner circle are shallow assholes.

It's human nature to want to belong.
 

robertwills

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you made this thread because someone hurt your feelings.

admit it and move on.
Actually it was so surprising that I just wanted to know if this is something that is something else others have experienced. I know other rich people, one guy is a billionaire, and they don't act that way at all.
 

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Actually it was so surprising that I just wanted to know if this is something that is something else others have experienced. I know other rich people, one guy is a billionaire, and they don't act that way at all.

I think this is sometimes a perception issue. It really depends on how you take it and also their tone or attitude when they say it.

Recently, I was in Vegas and met up with some old friends that I haven't seen in 10+ years. They ask the general questions, so what's going on, how have you been. I mention that I'm moving to Vegas, blah blah, and eventually the topic of what part I'm living in comes up and I mention that I'm waiting for the house to be built. One person asks how much the house is, he says is it like $300-$500k.

So how am I supposed to answer this? I mean he did ask right? Saying yes it's around there is fine but lying. Saying it's $1.X m may come off as bragging. I decided to straight up answer it because after all, he did ask. I often wonder if I came off as bragging or condescending.

Then someone else says, what kind of car are you driving now. Do you still have the NSX? Again, how do I answer this? I didn't mention any of my past cars this time. I just said I'm done with fancy cars and left it at that.

We had a great group dinner and the bill was $800ish. I wanted to pay for the whole dinner, but I did not because I was wondering if that would come off wrong.

If I was with a different group, all that conversation would have been fine. There wouldn't have been a second thought to talk about houses, business stuff and fancy cars.

So to answer your question. I think that people with a ton of money speak about generally things they buy and what they do without even thinking about the relative price. To them, it's just the common price.

I'll give you another example, when climbing Kilimanjaro in Africa where guides and porters make between $1-$8 a day, I found myself not talking about things that cost $25-$50 in the same way around them. For example, I could have said something like, that shitty hotel cost $50 per night. Which could have come off exactly the same way your friend talked about a $700/night hotel to them.
 
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robertwills

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I think this is sometimes a perception issue. It really depends on how you take it and also their tone or attitude when they say it.

Recently, I was in Vegas and met up with some old friends that I haven't seen in 10+ years. They ask the general questions, so what's going on, how have you been. I mention that I'm moving to Vegas, blah blah, and eventually the topic of what part I'm living in comes up and I mention that I'm waiting for the house to be built. One person asks how much the house is, he says is it like $300-$500k.

So how am I supposed to answer this? I mean he did ask right? Saying yes it's around there is fine but lying. Saying it's $1.X m may come off as bragging. I decided to straight up answer it because after all, he did ask. I often wonder if I came off as bragging or condescending.

Then someone else says, what kind of car are you driving now. Do you still have the NSX? Again, how do I answer this? I didn't mention any of my past cars this time. I just said I'm done with fancy cars and left it at that.

We had a great group dinner and the bill was $800ish. I wanted to pay for the whole dinner, but I did not because I was wondering if that would come off wrong.

But what's different is that if I was with a different group, all that conversation would have been fine. There wouldn't have been a second thought.

So to answer your question. I think that people with a ton of money speak about generally things do buy and do without even thinking about the relative price. To them, it's just the common price.

I'll give you another example, when climbing Kilimanjaro in Africa where guides and porters make between $1-$8 a day, I found myself not talking about things that cost $25-$50 in the same way around them. For example, I could have said something like, that shitty hotel cost $50 per night. Which could have come off exactly the same way your friend talked about a $700/night hotel to them.
I heard this saying once "Even a dog knows when it has been stepped on intentionally." I felt in the circumstance I described above that they were in fact behaving in an intentional way in order to see just how far I was from them in material things. After they sized me up it was fun for them to try to get a rise out of me. They talked about their other friends, new friends, ones that were travelling internationally and going to luxury resorts.

What they didn't know, and will never know, was that I have lived better for many years than being in any luxury resort anywhere.
 

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People who make like 200 to 500k a year like a single Seattle programmer or as a couple combined act like this and are over extended and in deep shit with finances trying to be big wigs. The dude with the dusty old pickup whose has lived at the same place for 30 years with solid routines and no flash is sitting on millions and is humble as hell. Is the guy yah wanna hang with and learn from.
 

WJK

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I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?
Your old friends aren't handling this financial change in their lives very gracefully. First, it almost sounds like they were afraid of you. Did you know that they were secretly competing with you?

By trying to one-up you, they are showing their soft underbelly. All this bragging is advertising their weaknesses -- starting with money management. They sound like someone who has won the lottery and is blowing the whole wad. They have no idea how to take care of the money that they have received. Most people must make their fortunes 3 times before they learn how to grow their nest egg.

Rather than being insulted, you might take a deep breath, and realize this whole conversation is a back-handed compliment. They were trying to impress you with their success. And you might even learn from their folly.
 

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This isn't new. There are countless books and movies talking about this phenomena of new money. The Great Gatsby is the first thing I think about. I don't know what psychological aspects are at play, but it seems it happens quite often for it to be a recurring theme. I would just let it slide and give them a second chance.
 

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robertwills

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I met an old childhood friend recently I hadn't seen in years. I was really excited because they are (were) such a nice person, always helpful and just plain old good. Never even cursured in their life, type of person. I had known that they started in a small firm that grew and then went public making them a millionaire many times over. But I wasn't prepared to what person and their spouse are like now. They are just so snobby, totally different than what they were and how they grew up. They were saying things like "We stayed at the X hotel and paid $700 per night." I said "Wow" and they looked down at that comment like "Well, we can afford that. You can't?"

They were going on and on about all the custom stuff they had bought recently, including a beach house, and then brought up a business that I was once many years ago in that didn't go anywhere and they were kind of laughing like "You failed at that, and now look at you. Look at us". Then they blurt out "We are going to Australia the day it opens back up.". It was really off-putting to me and thankfully I don't and won't be around them again. Has anyone else seen this happen?
Thank you everyone who replied
This isn't new. There are countless books and movies talking about this phenomena of new money. The Great Gatsby is the first thing I think about. I don't know what psychological aspects are at play, but it seems it happens quite often for it to be a recurring theme. I would just let it slide and give them a second chance.
Thank you everyone who replied. It has given me some good perspective on what I experienced. It is very interesting to me how people use financial levels to determine "who's better" and to try to make others feel worse about their situation. "What's better" is obviously true in many cases and that's fine to talk about but not whose better. I'm just going to live my life the best I can. The only thing I want to talk about is how to earn the money and maybe what people are doing to really enjoy it.
 

Jon L

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The really rich (and grounded) people I know talk about experiences and value, not dollar figures.

"Hey Jon, how was your weekend?"
"Great, I took my kids to the park and to this air and space museum"
"That sounds fantastic. Stuff like that is what life is all about."
"How about you?"
"We just got in from ____ so we were exhausted. It was a great trip, but it was so nice to be back home doing normal things for the weekend. We went to dinner, swam a bit. My wife went to her book club, and I just watched a bunch of movies. It was great."

...

I know that the dinner he went to probably cost $600, the book club was at a fancy downtown place, and the swim was in his huge pool, but none of that was the point. The point was two people interacting and talking about life for a couple minutes before getting into business.

...

Those that aren't grounded, brag to cover over things that are missing in their lives.


...

What's funny, too, is that these same grounded people will make sure they spend their money wisely, even for small amounts. "Hey - wanna carpool to the airport? I don't want to spend the money on a taxi just by myself." Again, value, not dollar amounts.
 
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I can relate. A snobby friend came by our house for dinner. Haven’t seen him in years, reconnecting. He’s bragging about his new job. Oh the perks, he gets to go on walks, good for health - anytime. On the job training, vacations, you name it. And they pay for his clothes. He was going on and on about getting a company car. Crazy snobby. I get it @robertwills Just wouldn’t stop.

I finally had to say something. His company car being parked outside. I said I didn’t like the colour. Not the car, but the Mall Security decals weren’t bright enough.

:troll:



:rofl:
 

Esquire

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My former best friend from high school would say I am a snob now ... and (candidly) he would be correct. I don't want to assocaite with people who are going nowhere in life.

Successful people want to be around other successful people.

Nothing new under the sun there.

That's not to say I'm mean about it. I try to handle these things gracefully. But if they dont get the hint, I will get to the point.

If we wouldn't be friends today if I met you on the street, Im not going to be friends because I knew you when you were a kid.

Say hello. Make a little small talk. Share a few memories. Catch up again in another 5 to 10 years.
 
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robertwills

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My former best friend from high school would say I am a snob now ... and (candidly) he would be correct. I don't want to assocaite with people who are going nowhere in life.

Successful people want to be around other successful people.

Nothing new under the sun there.

That's not to say I'm mean about it. I try to handle these things gracefully. But if they dont get the hint, I will get to the point.

If we wouldn't be friends today if I met you on the street, Im not going to be friends because I knew you when you were a kid.

Say hello. Make a little small talk. Share a few memories. Catch up again in another 5 to 10 years.
It has nothing to do with people who are going nowhere in life. It has to do with people who have, or give the impression they have, a lot of money and try to put down others who have less.
 

Esquire

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It has nothing to do with people who are going nowhere in life. It has to do with people who have, or give the impression they have, a lot of money and try to put down others who have less.

I have no problem with people flaunting their wealth or success ... it's a form of social currency as old as time ... but I agree that there is no need to be a mean spirited dick about it.
 

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My former best friend from high school would say I am a snob now ... and (candidly) he would be correct. I don't want to assocaite with people who are going nowhere in life.

Successful people want to be around other successful people.

Nothing new under the sun there.

That's not to say I'm mean about it. I try to handle these things gracefully. But if they dont get the hint, I will get to the point.

If we wouldn't be friends today if I met you on the street, Im not going to be friends because I knew you when you were a kid.

Say hello. Make a little small talk. Share a few memories. Catch up again in another 5 to 10 years.
I too have people from my past that I have left behind. I too try to be kind when I see them and then quickly put some distance between us.

That includes my best friend from high school. I used to feel like crying every time I saw her. She lives like a pig with her hoarding and she would pressure me to buy her things. Taking her out for a meal was a painful ordeal where she would become embarrassingly demanding and unreasonable. I just stopped calling or stopping by when I was working in her area -- which has made her very angry. Oh well. Our past friendship does NOT obligate me forever.
 

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What they didn't know, and will never know, was that I have lived better for many years than being in any luxury resort anywhere.
I'm just curious as to why you felt the need to make this statement to all of us if this experience had nothing to do with ego or getting your feelings hurt. Why do you feel the need to talk about having lived "better" to us?

I get that it's surprising when people don't turn out to be who we think they are... even moreso when they are off-putting... but it is what it is. Take it as a lesson in who you don't want to be while remaining curious about your own reaction to the scenario. Because I think that's where you'll learn the most here.
 

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Having money is cool. Having an ego is great. Being confident is awesome.

These people are just insecure.

If they really think they're the shit, they wouldn't be openly comparing themselves to average people and saying dumb shit like 'oh, you can't afford this? haha". The better off you are, you'll actually keep your mouth shut because you know it sounds douchey. You even start lying to make it look not as good as it is. You don't post photos of vacations or when you drive nice cars. You tell people you were working when you didn't have to work in months.

They are acting like middle class douches who got some money, not thoroughbred entrepreneurs who are on a mission. I know a few people who are obsessed with comparing themselves with the people around them, and I feel bad for them. Life is so much better when you're just focused on yourself. Stay in your own lane, wish the best for people, be positive in the way that you speak about yourself and others, etc.
 

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