Social skills

[wade1mil]

This is response the post on intelligence. I consider myself smarter than average, but far less social than average.

What is your definition of good social skills?
How often do you socialize?
Is there anything you dislike about socializing?
For those of us who aren't as social, what tips might you have?

 

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[Skys]

Social skills is all about being. Being yourself. Listening to the other and staying in your own body instead of pinging of the other. Having fun, seeing the world as a light place. I socialize daily and with everybody I encouter. I just love people and I love to talk with everybody. I find them interesting and I always want to learn about somebody. Their hobbys, values etc

If you are not good at socializing its probably because you are more in your own head then being engaged with the person you are interacting with. One thing you might try is just to shut up and too listen to the other. Most people rather talk about themselves then listening to the other. Make use of that fact.

 

[The-J]

I socialize when I have to. I prefer not to. Some people hate themselves for not being social. I like not being social.

I don't concern myself with 'social skills'. I'm sometimes uncouth but I know when to be and when not to be.

I concern myself, instead, with 'communication skills', which is slightly different. I'm always trying to improve my communication skills.

 

[santa]

I think there is a spectrum of social skills and can be context specific

That's an interesting angle from The-J;

Here's a video I just posted in another thread looking at one aspect (words) and the effect it can have;

The Power of Words - YouTube


But let's not downplay social acuity either (and they are often linked). Here's a video of someone with autism talking about improving social skills. All the principles are very sound, especially for those that are shy and is great advice for anyone. Watching it, see if you're mind drifts off or you find it hard to listen to him for 6mins. If he was more socially adept/charismatic would it be easier?- Thats the benefit of improving one's social & communication skills in action.

Insights from an Autistic: Teach Social Skills to Someone With Autism - YouTube

 

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[LamboMP]

Social skills are CRITICAL to business success. I firmly believe you need to be outgoing to be an entrepreneur. Having great social skills puts you into positions to meet new people, perhaps those who can help you along in your business.

It also improves your confidence, therefore indirectly helps you become a better salesperson.

 

[socaldude]

I socialize when I have to. I prefer not to. Some people hate themselves for not being social. I like not being social

I'm that way too. I'm an "introvert" and I love it. The only time social skills becomes a problem is when you WANT to make friends yet you can't do it or you are having trouble. When the time comes when I WANT to socialize I make sure I do it WELL and communicate my ideas fluidly. Seriously our society acts as if being an introvert is a bad thing. It's NOT. It's only bad if it keeps you from getting what YOU want, whatever it is. I'm a total introvert yet i'm really good at public speaking; I can speak to hundreds without sounding nervous or un-confident or saying "um" all the time.

1. Good social skill is being able to express ALL your ideas to their intended target and do it fluidly with ease.

2. I socialize almost never. Except at the gym or at school or with my girlfriend. Other than that I talk to nobody.

3. The only thing i Dislike about socializing is that people tend to be "fake" sometimes. Like it's all an act.

4. If you are not that social my best advice is to "think aloud". Don't inhibit your thoughts from flowing from your mind. And i can guarantee you will never run out of things to say or conversation topics. think before you speak obviously but don't EVER lock your thinking from the outside world.

But my best advice i can give you is that society LOVES to hate on introverts. As if there is something wrong with them. So then what happens is you have people who are introverts feeling like they are inferior or as if they are not good enough. I say STFU to society. Being an introvert is only a problem if it keeps YOU(not society) from getting what you want. For example if you are introvert and you are having trouble getting a girlfriend then yeah now its a problem cause it's keeping you from getting something you want. In this case I would work on finding the root cause of that.

 

[The-J]

Social skills are CRITICAL to business success. I firmly believe you need to be outgoing to be an entrepreneur. Having great social skills puts you into positions to meet new people, perhaps those who can help you along in your business.

It also improves your confidence, therefore indirectly helps you become a better salesperson.

I'll have to disagree. You don't have to be ANYTHING to be an entrepreneur; you just have passion and give value. Even the most socially adept people may not have the drive to be an entrepreneur, but a guy like Mark Zuckerberg, known as a shy, quirky kid, is one of the richest men in the world.

The way I see it is that social skills are more wide-ranged and don't just include communication but also what you do with your connections, how you treat your friends, how you see other people, and how you leverage social activity.

Communication skills are more straight-forward: can you get someone to easily understand what you are trying to convey? Can you elicit (sp?) the response that you want out of people? Can you connect with someone on an emotional level when you speak? These are skills that you need as an entrepreneur and if you don't have them, you'll need someone on your team that does.

 

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[wade1mil]

If you are not good at socializing its probably because you are more in your own head then being engaged with the person you are interacting with. One thing you might try is just to shut up and too listen to the other. Most people rather talk about themselves then listening to the other. Make use of that fact.

I agree with you. Outside of my family and good friend, I hardly talk at all so I'm forced to listen more It's probably easy to socialize with people when you have a genuine interest in people as you do. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, I'm just curious. Why is it that you care what everyone's hobbies and values are? Is it just because you like people so much?

I concern myself, instead, with 'communication skills', which is slightly different. I'm always trying to improve my communication skills.

Interesting. How would you differentiate the two?

 

[Skys]

Why is it that you care what everyone's hobbies and values are? Is it just because you like people so much?

Most conversations tend to be the same "Hey, what do you do?" "blablabl" "Oh interesting,... ". I find that really boring. I am more interested in what somebody really values. So with some people I am talking about the new spiderman movie, if they liked it and why. With others I talk about the construction business. .. Everybody has something they really enjoy talking about and I like to give people that value of enjoying themselves. Also, because I like to enjoy myself. A 'what do you do for a living'-conversation always feels a bit forced. These type of conversation seems to come up 9/10 whenever you have not seen somebody in a while. Like, its some sort of an interview who has become more important hahaha Another reason, in every subject there is something to either learn or to find interesting.

With the construction example, I had no idea how much money is involved in building a bridge. I had no idea how those things get build etc. Just become curious. I am a very curious person.

 

[wade1mil]

I'm that way too. I'm an "introvert" and I love it.

I would have bet money you were an extrovert! I feel somewhat comfortable being an introvert, but you're right about society hating on introverts. And maybe you've pointed out to me the reason why I started this post in the first place. I think my social skills have stopped me from getting things I've wanted. I think I'm too hard on myself which effects my self conscious.

The only thing i Dislike about socializing is that people tend to be "fake" sometimes. Like it's all an act.

This is probably the biggest thing for me as well. If I take a genuine interest in someone, I feel that 90% of what they are telling me is BS anyways.

 

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[Skys]

Even the most socially adept people may not have the drive to be an entrepreneur, but a guy like Mark Zuckerberg, known as a shy, quirky kid, is one of the richest men in the world.

I read that he was a very extroverted kid at the university. His "movie character" is nowhere near how he is in real life. Not that important for your statement, but if you take him as an example for you, then it might be helpful not to look at his movie character

 

[santa]

One caveat I'd like to make;
imo there is a difference between social skills and seeing yourself as more introverted/extroverted

 

[The-J]

I read that he was a very extroverted kid at the university. His "movie character" is nowhere near how he is in real life. Not that important for your statement, but if you take him as an example for you, then it might be helpful not to look at his movie character

My friends know me as extroverted. Others don't know me at all. Mark may have been the same way.

Socaldude is so right about people's thoughts about introverted people. They think that we have something to hide and we shouldn't have anything to hide. I hide whatever the hell I want to hide.

I can socialize, I just choose not to most of the time. Some days I feel sociable, other days I don't. Big deal, why does it matter? I enjoy having myself as company.

Most of the social people I know are so totally fake. I hoped that fake people would go away after high school, but nope. They never go away because they were taught that being fake is the way to get what you want.

As as far as the girls thing, that's an issue that's not just social skills but deals with personal insecurities and fears. The silliest things can sometimes ruin interactions with the opposite sex (this goes for girls trying to talk to guys, and homosexuals too, nobody is exempt). So with that (and with business, too!) I think the first step is to put your fears, anxieties and insecurities to the wayside and just jump in it.

 

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[Skys]

Well, at your age, for sure. Lots of people around you probably have no clear idea who they are so they may come across as fake. Some are. Most are afraid to showing their real selves.

The extraverted people tend to be better in social interactions simply because they are more out there. You can play the 'Johnny depp' style but most of the time you end up looking like a creep that can't interact with people. This might be not really you, but this is how most introverted people come across, especially those that feel they should be extraverted when they are not.

 

[AcquireCurrency]

My social skills are terrible.

I sometimes dread the thought of meeting/calling potential clients/customers when I think about possible business ideas.

 

[Mr Sprezzatura]

I could literally copy and paste what The-J and socaldude wrote. I'm very introvert yet I'm completely comfortable with this. I more often than not choose to not to socialize but I don't have any limits when I want to begin relationship with somebody. Don't misunderstand me here, I'm rarely rude, I respond to every stranger politely (unless they have bad intentions) and in public situations I like to be active and initiative rather than passive (like majority of society).
As folks above already mentioned, being introvert is generally considered as something bad - it's the same in here, Poland. People literally jump on each other just to find a group they are comfortable in and then they can talk about courses and weather for 5 years. Talking about my University experience here. Once the people hang out in their little groups, don't even think that they would "explore more" and interact with the other people. Yeah, I'm exaggerating since many of these people share interests, but really, being comfortable and conformist plays a huuuge role. And since I'm totally comfortable with myself as an individual, I can handle being considered as an outsider effortlessly and with courage.
I like improving my social skills, I like experimenting new approaches to people but I just very rarely find anybody to share similar interests and points of view as I do. I think that if you are in US, there are so more chances and ways to meet your "soul mate".

 

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[Determined2012]

This is response the post on intelligence. I consider myself smarter than average, but far less social than average.

What is your definition of good social skills?
How often do you socialize?
Is there anything you dislike about socializing?
For those of us who aren't as social, what tips might you have?

One tip for socializing/ being social is REALLY easy to do, and REALLY goes a LONG way.....


Smile!

Giving someone a smile is a universal OPEN invitation that says

I see you.

Its ok for you to approach me.

It happens really FAST, but when you smile at someone, you let the person know "there is something about you" that makes me look you in the eyes and smile your way.

I find that a lot of people are not as social as they could be, or may WANT to be because they do not know, and or are unsure as to how someone may receive them.

If there was a way to scale socializing my fast lane journey would be OVER. I would be a booming success.

 

[Kak]

This is response the post on intelligence. I consider myself smarter than average, but far less social than average.

What is your definition of good social skills?
How often do you socialize?
Is there anything you dislike about socializing?
For those of us who aren't as social, what tips might you have?

I used to consider myself rather unsocial. I only had a handful of friends in high school. Didn't have many girlfriends. Then I went to college and met my current girlfriend freshman year. Same situation. Few friends, not big into the party scene.

Now I am in business for myself and I think I am more social now with business associates, and customers. I still don't go out all the time or anything.

 

[Rickson9]

Any skill that isn't practiced is pretty much useless. Socializing included.

 

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[JayKim]

I think you can have good social skills whether introverted or extroverted its just practice. I think Its a spectrum, I'm a lot more on the introverted side. I rarely socialize and get more energy alone. I would say as a tip practice to be more social with people you'd like to learn from they will speed up the process plus they want to help and see you succeed.

Good article on introverts 6 Misleading Assumptions You Make About Quiet People | Cracked.com

#5. Quiet People Lack Social Skills

"Look, if you have some form of autism spectrum disorder or Tourette's, then of course that's going to be a real problem that can't be solved with just practice and common sense, but being quiet isn't either of those things. Talkative people might find out by trial and error, but quiet people can find out just as well by watching talkative people trying and erring. Not talking isn't an excuse to not observe.
And if you really can't do it on your own, some therapists do life skills coaching. If you're put off by the idea of therapy, just think of it as coaching, or personal training. You can learn how to participate in conversations same as you'd learn to run a marathon -- with a lot of practice and sweating and going to the bathroom in your pants. Only while you are practicing. In actual situations this is considered socially inappropriate.

Just because you don't naturally like to talk doesn't mean you can't intellectually learn the right thing to say so you can hit on someone you're interested in without being pepper sprayed, or deal with customer service without being rerouted into the "difficult customer" queue."

 

[Vigilante]

The party doesn't start 'till I walk in.

I read this whole thread primarily because I am interested in the posters in this thread. I also propose that when we get together (at Beer and Pancakes or where ever) that we would have enough in common and enough shared miles together that dialogue would flow freely and naturally.

I have a BAD tendency to size people up in terms of their perceived value to me, or interest to me. It was worse when I was younger, and maybe softening as I get a little older. In a social or work setting, if I saw no worth in you to me, I would simply disengage. I actually had one day where one of my assistants and I walked around the Wal-Mart corporate office so I could intentionally acknowledge people in my path with a smile, a hello, or some greeting. I have to be intentional about not projecting my inner a**hole to strangers. However, I love to be the life of the party to those on my inner circle.

I think it's why I like Skype and text messaging. No small talk.

I look forward to meeting all of you some day. I think we have a lot to discuss.

 

[wade1mil]

I have a BAD tendency to size people up in terms of their perceived value to me, or interest to me. It was worse when I was younger, and maybe softening as I get a little older. In a social or work setting, if I saw no worth in you to me, I would simply disengage.

I think we're related.

 

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[Astute]

To be honest the best way to build up a friendship/rapport with someone is just to let them talk. Find out what interests them and then play them. You'll find that the majority of people can yap and yap all day about themselves, their job, their kids etc. They love it.

Your role is just to listen. Properly listen to them. Don't interrupt or second guess what they're going to say. And ask them probing questions to let them know you're paying attention. Re-phrase what they say to affirm it with them.

You'll also find that people will start to give more away if you do this (especially when it comes to business) than they really mean to.

Try it and see whether it works.

 

[Astute]

Note to quite a lot on this thread already: It's quite a good thing to be quiet, an introvert and not too loud, generally. I've noticed a lot of people who don't know what they're talking about tend to mask it by raising their voice and bullshitting people.

Whereas it's easy to be mistaken as weak, passive and incompetent if you're quiet, shy and perhaps socially awkward. Use this to your advantage. Let your competitors underestimate you. Let them think they're winning. It'll make your job easier when they relax and you can pounce on this.

But don't let customers or anyone important to you/your business think like this. Have the foresight to research and learn about what you think you may be discussing (and all the relevant things you think you will not!) and this will automatically allow you to exude confidence. Project your voice properly.

It's also important to learn about the people you're dealing with to and their social norms. For example small talk in the west is encouraged, whereas in Japan and Far East and some other parts of the world it's seen as unnecessary and frowned upon. Don't get caught out.

The fact is that if you are an introvert you will probably have to learn to appear to be an extrovert at the right times. The key is having confidence in yourself and your abilities.

 

[Lights]

I pretend to not be me when I need to get along with someone, and it usually works. Lately, I question my social skills, but only for longterm relationships, short term are alright.

But most people like me, so I consider I have good social skills, enough to cope in this society. Enough to appear normal.

Just keep meeting more people, and live life. It comes with age.

 

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[henrylarry6]

According to me being social is to like interacting with different kind of people on daily basis and get mixed with them talk and understand them and make them a part of our life. And I like all this things and I really enjoy that.