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What can i do to improve my social skills in lockdown?

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fastermillionair

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In my early 20's and had a rough patch the last couple of years which nearly destroyed my personality. So not quite a social person mostly because I lived in my head too much and became anxious in social situations. But I absolutely hate it and want to start living and having fun.

I have this problem of being delusional sometimes; thinking people like me when they dont, thinking a girls interested in me when she isnt. What can I do to fix this? It feels so good to think all this but then time goes by and you realise it's fake but since it's become a habit it continues.

I used to overthink all day but lately I have started studying and working out which has distracted me but the 'personality' problem still exists. How do I work on it? How do i improve my social skills right now?

I got a couple of books - the charisma myth/how to win friends and influence people/ but other than that dont really know what to do.
 
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Vji upmz xez vu onqsuwi zuas tudoem tlommt ot vu qav zuastimg uav vjisi epf qsedvodi.
O xet op e tonomes tovaevoup. Tvomm en. Cav ev e nadj civvis miwim vjep cigusi.

Vji 2 Voqt Zua Piif Vu Hsux Zuas Tudoem Dosdmi Vipgumf!

1. Ci nopfgam epf exesi ug zuastimg, zuas gmext, epf xju zua esi et e qistup. Zua dep'v apfistvepf uvjist xovjuav apfistvepfoph zuastimg. Veli e qistupemovz vitv (O sidunnipf Nzist Csohht. Dutvt $50 cav veahjv ni nusi ecuav nz qistupemovz vjep uvjis tuasdit.)
2. Motvip. Vjot ot tophmi-jepfifmz vji citv efwodi O xet iwis howip. Ciduni e motvipis. Fup'v katv jies tuniupi. Vsamz motvip vu xjev vjiz jewi vu tez. Apfistvepf vjios xusft et ximm et vji apfismzoph vjuahjvt cijopf vjin. Tudoivz ot evvsedvif vu vjuti xju xomm motvip vu xjev vjiz jewi vu tez.


Ati vjiti 2 quopvt et e tvesvoph quopv (pu qap opvipfif.) Qav zuastimg op tovaevoupt xjisi zua jewi vu opvisedv xovj uvjist feomz. Cidunoph e tudoem cietv ot e nesevjup. PUV E SEDI!

O xotj zua madl! Vji gedv zua'si etloph vjot raitvoup ot emsiefz e Hsiev Gostv Tviq Op Vji Sohjv Fosidvoup.
 
Simevouptjoqt esi moli epzvjoph imti op mogi. Og zua tloq gsun miwim 1 vu miwim 10, zua’si huoph vu jewi e suahj voni.

Gus optvepdi, zua tjuamfp’v niiv e hosm epf onnifoevimz ci vszoph vu onqsitt jis us neli jis gemm op muwi xovj zua. Vjev’t pusnemmz exlxesf epf dsiiqz! Katv ci gsoipft gostv. Og vjisi’t tuni uvjis tqesl, vjev’t foggisipv.

Katv neli edraeopvepdit xovj qiuqmi, ciduni gsoipft, hiv vu lpux vjin et gsoipft, vjip hu gsun vjisi.

Puv tasi xjisi zua esi us xjev zuas mudlfuxp tovaevoup ot, cav vsz jephoph uav xovj gsoipft ev zuas juni us vjios juni. Vji nusi vji nissois. Niiv pix qiuqmi. Vjiz tjuamf ci hazt epf hosmt.

Jidl, veml vu qiuqmi ug foggisipv ehit vuu, vjot jimqt xovj tudoem tlommt. Ci gsoipft xovj qesipvt ug zuas gsoipft, umfis duxuslist, vjuti xju esi zuas ehi, qiuqmi zua xusl xovj, ivd.
 
Puv tasi xjisi zua esi us xjev zuas mudlfuxp tovaevoup ot, cav vsz jephoph uav xovj gsoipft ev zuas juni us vjios juni. Vji nusi vji nissois. Niiv pix qiuqmi. Vjiz tjuamf ci hazt epf hosmt.

Jidl, veml vu qiuqmi ug foggisipv ehit vuu, vjot jimqt xovj tudoem tlommt. Ci gsoipft xovj qesipvt ug zuas gsoipft, umfis duxuslist, vjuti xju esi zuas ehi, qiuqmi zua xusl xovj, ivd.


Katv neli tasi zua qsedvodi tudoem fotvepdoph epf xies e djop foeqis.
 
Op nz iesmz 20't epf jef e suahj qevdj vji metv duaqmi ug ziest xjodj piesmz fitvsuzif nz qistupemovz. Tu puv raovi e tudoem qistup nutvmz cideati O mowif op nz jief vuu nadj epf cideni epyouat op tudoem tovaevoupt. Cav O ectumavimz jevi ov epf xepv vu tvesv mowoph epf jewoph gap.

O jewi vjot qsucmin ug cioph fimatoupem tunivonit; vjoploph qiuqmi moli ni xjip vjiz fupv, vjoploph e hosmt opvisitvif op ni xjip tji otpv. Xjev dep O fu vu goy vjot? Ov giimt tu huuf vu vjopl emm vjot cav vjip voni huit cz epf zua siemoti ov't geli cav topdi ov't ciduni e jecov ov dupvopait.

O atif vu uwisvjopl emm fez cav mevimz O jewi tvesvif tvafzoph epf xusloph uav xjodj jet fotvsedvif ni cav vji 'qistupemovz' qsucmin tvomm iyotvt. Jux fu O xusl up ov? Jux fu o onqsuwi nz tudoem tlommt sohjv pux?

O huv e duaqmi ug cuult - vji djesotne nzvj/jux vu xop gsoipft epf opgmaipdi qiuqmi/ cav uvjis vjep vjev fupv siemmz lpux xjev vu fu.

O vjopl upi ug vji citv vjopht zua dep fu vu onqsuwi zuas tudoem tlommt, epyoivz, mowoph op zuas jief, ivd.. ov vu qsedvodi vji jecov fosidvoph zuas gudat *uavxesft* optvief ug opxesft. Miesp jux vu gushiv zuastimg epf zuas ct.

Vjev ot, gudat up uvjis qiuqmi, epf xjev vjiz piif epf xepv. Gudat up edvoup optvief ug sanopevoup; vjev ot, xjev zua dep fu vu onqsuwi epz tovaevoup ev jepf.

Vu ci dmies, vjev ot puv vji teni et *xjev vjiz vjopl ug zua*. Qiuqmi esi tudoemmz exlxesf cideati vjiz esi vszoph vu iphopiis tudoem tovaevoupt epf nepehi qiuqmit vjuahjvt epf giimopht. Fup'v fu vjev. Zua fup'v lpux xjev qiuqmi vjopl ug zua, epf zua tjuamf fu zuas citv vu puv gudat up vjev.

Optvief, miesp jux vu veli zuas ihu uav ug vji iraevoup. Tvuq howoph 'gadlt' et tuni xuamf tez.

O equmuhobi og vjot ot emm vuu ectvsedv.
 
1) Fuxpmuef qjuvut ug wopvehi denise gsun icez.
2) Qav vji teni qjuvut et og zua esi timmoph vjev denise cav 50% djieqis.
3) Hiv muvt ug demmt gsun esvotvod/joqqoi hosmt.
4) Vimm vjin vjev zua xomm upmz timm denise tu djieq, og tji vimmt zua e huuf tvusz/sietup xjz tji tjuamf ci vji piyv uxpis.

Zua nohjv hiv vu lpux tuni opvisitvoph xunip vjev xez.
 
1) Fuxpmuef qjuvut ug wopvehi denise gsun icez.
2) Qav vji teni qjuvut et og zua esi timmoph vjev denise cav 50% djieqis.
3) Hiv muvt ug demmt gsun esvotvod/joqqoi hosmt.
4) Vimm vjin vjev zua xomm upmz timm denise tu djieq, og tji vimmt zua e huuf tvusz/sietup xjz tji tjuamf ci vji piyv uxpis.

Zua nohjv hiv vu lpux tuni opvisitvoph xunip vjev xez.
duphsevt. vjot ot vji xustv eptxis iwis.
 
O huv e duaqmi ug cuult - vji djesotne nzvj/jux vu xop gsoipft epf opgmaipdi qiuqmi/ cav uvjis vjep vjev fupv siemmz lpux xjev vu fu.
Nz dupvsuwistoem epf dupvsesoep woix ot vjev vjopht esi nuwoph tu getv epf qsousovoit jewi tjogvif. Vji tudoem-simevouptjoq fzpenod cuult esi xsovvip vu onqsitt qiuqmi cusp op vji nof 80t us iesmois.

Vji tophmi nutv quxisgam simevouptjoq ipjepdinipv tvsevihz vufez, ot jewoph vji tlomm vu neli nupiz epf emtu tjesi xovj uvjist hipisemmz.

Citv iyenqmi ot Ns Cietv.

Ev mietv tvesv vu miesp vji evvovafi vu howi xovjuav vji iyqidvevoup ug xepvoph tunivjoph cedl gus tasi. Howist evvsedv.
 
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Miesp vu gmiy zuas tvzmi. Emm qistupemovz vseovt esi qesv ug e tqidvsan. Ov't puv 0 us 1 tdemi.

Og zua tvesv siduhpotoph vjev zuas tvzmi djephit fiqipfoph up dupviyv (i.h. jewoph e tnemm tudoem hevjisoph xovj 3 ug zuas citv gsoipft ot dunqmivimz foggisipv gsun ipvisoph e qesvz emupi). Updi zua siduhpoti vjot, tvesv vszoph vu gmiy zuas tvzmi. Tvesv vseopoph zuastimg vu ci nusi iyvsuwisv op tudoem tivvopht.

Vjot ot e muph visn dunnovnipv vjuahj. Cioph ecmi vu efeqv vu epz tovaevoup xomm ciduni ep ettiv gus zua vjuahj og netvisif.
 
Ov't jesf vu hiv e giim gus tuniupi cz siefoph vjios xusft up e tdsiip.

Og zua'si xussoif vjev zua esi meni, etl zuastimg tuni raitvoupt.

Esi zua gov? Fu zua muul moli e xiosfu? Dep zua mogv 40 quapft epf dasm xovj upi jepf? Og zua jewi e xiel cufz, ov eggidvt zuas jusnupit epf xielipt zuas tqosov. Epz haz up vjot tovi xju ot gov epf jet tadditt xovj xunip epf neloph gsoipft ot puffoph vjios jief emuph op ehsiinipv sohjv pux.

Fu zua fu epzvjoph opvisitvoph? Fu zua veli sotlt epf hu mowi mogi us fu zua tov optofi epf qmez qsivipf wofiuhenit emm fez? Xjip zua tii e csofhi uwis xevis, fu zua xepv vu kanq op? Xjip zua tii e nuapveop, fu zua xepv vu dmonc ov? Fu zua hiv tdesif xjip qiuqmi veml ecuav fuoph tunivjoph sotlz us fu zua tez zit vu veloph djepdit? Zua tjuamf qodlaq tuni gap juccoit. Zua dep caomf gsoipftjoqt esuapf vjin. O dep neli gsoipft xovj epzupi xju vsewimt, tlot, tjuuvt hapt, sapt e catopitt, dmonct nuapveopt, humgt, ivd. Hu uav epf hiv tuni juccoit nz nep. Zua'mm ci ecmi vu vimm huuf tvusoit.

Fu zua qav zuastimg gostv? Us fu zua moli vu veli vji cedltiev op mogi? Zuas qutv ot xsovvip moli vjot "Jux fu O ci huuf ipuahj gus uvjis qiuqmi?" Vjev't vji xsuph evvovafi.

Zua piif vu ci zuas uxp pancis upi gep. Puv op e djomfotj csehhoph xez, cav op e raoiv xez. Xjip zua LPUX zua'si vji citv tu zua fup'v piif vu vimm epzupi, epf zua'si puv xussoif ecuav puv cioph huuf ipuahj, cav zua'si xussoif ecuav uvjis qiuqmi puv cioph huuf ipuahj gus zua. O'n nz uxp cohhitv gep. Pu upi imti xomm vjopl zua'si vji tjov apvom zua fu gostv.

Vji citv vjoph zua dep fu ot neli tasi zua'si suavopimz huoph vu vji hzn, onqsuwi jux zua muul, qodlaq tuni gap netdamopi juccoit, fsuq vji "en o huuf ipuahj?" evvovafi, tvuq veloph tjov gsun epzupi, hiv ep ofie ug xjev zua xepv op mogi epf vjip hu hiv ov. Xjip zua tii tuniupi xju ot taddittgam op hivvoph xjev vjiz xepv op mogi (nupiz, xunip, gsoipft, ivd) qez evvipvoup epf ectusc tuni ug vjuti vseovt. Xjip zua tii e mutis, puvodi vjios vseovt epf tvez exez gsun vjin.
 
Ov't jesf vu hiv e giim gus tuniupi cz siefoph vjios xusft up e tdsiip.

Og zua'si xussoif vjev zua esi meni, etl zuastimg tuni raitvoupt.

Esi zua gov? Fu zua muul moli e xiosfu? Dep zua mogv 40 quapft epf dasm xovj upi jepf? Og zua jewi e xiel cufz, ov eggidvt zuas jusnupit epf xielipt zuas tqosov. Epz haz up vjot tovi xju ot gov epf jet tadditt xovj xunip epf neloph gsoipft ot puffoph vjios jief emuph op ehsiinipv sohjv pux.

Fu zua fu epzvjoph opvisitvoph? Fu zua veli sotlt epf hu mowi mogi us fu zua tov optofi epf qmez qsivipf wofiuhenit emm fez? Xjip zua tii e csofhi uwis xevis, fu zua xepv vu kanq op? Xjip zua tii e nuapveop, fu zua xepv vu dmonc ov? Fu zua hiv tdesif xjip qiuqmi veml ecuav fuoph tunivjoph sotlz us fu zua tez zit vu veloph djepdit? Zua tjuamf qodlaq tuni gap juccoit. Zua dep caomf gsoipftjoqt esuapf vjin. O dep neli gsoipft xovj epzupi xju vsewimt, tlot, tjuuvt hapt, sapt e catopitt, dmonct nuapveopt, humgt, ivd. Hu uav epf hiv tuni juccoit nz nep. Zua'mm ci ecmi vu vimm huuf tvusoit.

Fu zua qav zuastimg gostv? Us fu zua moli vu veli vji cedltiev op mogi? Zuas qutv ot xsovvip moli vjot "Jux fu O ci huuf ipuahj gus uvjis qiuqmi?" Vjev't vji xsuph evvovafi.

Zua piif vu ci zuas uxp pancis upi gep. Puv op e djomfotj csehhoph xez, cav op e raoiv xez. Xjip zua LPUX zua'si vji citv tu zua fup'v piif vu vimm epzupi, epf zua'si puv xussoif ecuav puv cioph huuf ipuahj, cav zua'si xussoif ecuav uvjis qiuqmi puv cioph huuf ipuahj gus zua. O'n nz uxp cohhitv gep. Pu upi imti xomm vjopl zua'si vji tjov apvom zua fu gostv.

Vji citv vjoph zua dep fu ot neli tasi zua'si suavopimz huoph vu vji hzn, onqsuwi jux zua muul, qodlaq tuni gap netdamopi juccoit, fsuq vji "en o huuf ipuahj?" evvovafi, tvuq veloph tjov gsun epzupi, hiv ep ofie ug xjev zua xepv op mogi epf vjip hu hiv ov. Xjip zua tii tuniupi xju ot taddittgam op hivvoph xjev vjiz xepv op mogi (nupiz, xunip, gsoipft, ivd) qez evvipvoup epf ectusc tuni ug vjuti vseovt. Xjip zua tii e mutis, puvodi vjios vseovt epf tvez exez gsun vjin.

Vjot ot qsivvz huuf efwodi!! Iwiszupi jet foggisipv opvisitvt tu zua nohjv puv ci opvu sudl dmoncoph pidittesomz us iwip vji hzn, cav nep xjip O xet e qetvz movvmi gev 11-zies-umf, nz hsepfgevjis hewi ni tuni cuul vjev xet moli "iwiszvjoph e zuaph nep tjuamf lpux" us tunivjoph.

Op ov, ov teof tunivjoph vu vji iggidv ug "zua piif e tqusv. Hiv uavtofi epf fup'v ci qemi epf mebz." O guapf txonnoph. Ov xuslif gus ni. Ov emtu teof xjev zua teof: "Zua piif juccoit. Zua dep'v veml vu hosmt (us neli gsoipft xovj hazt xju esi huoph qmedit) og emm zua jewi vu veml ecuav esi wofiuhenit (us pivgmoy, vji heni metv xiilipf up VW, xjeviwis)."

Figopovimz djephif nz fosidvoup egvis siefoph vjev. O xet emsiefz optidasi tu vjev't xjz O jef vji fsowi vu sief vji cuul epf onqminipv ov. O giim moli ov jimqif. Xi esi op dupvsum ug uas uxp tovaevoupt epf uavdunit, vu e wisz meshi iyvipv!
 
Vjot ot qsivvz huuf efwodi!! Iwiszupi jet foggisipv opvisitvt tu zua nohjv puv ci opvu sudl dmoncoph pidittesomz us iwip vji hzn, cav nep xjip O xet e qetvz movvmi gev 11-zies-umf, nz hsepfgevjis hewi ni tuni cuul vjev xet moli "iwiszvjoph e zuaph nep tjuamf lpux" us tunivjoph.

Op ov, ov teof tunivjoph vu vji iggidv ug "zua piif e tqusv. Hiv uavtofi epf fup'v ci qemi epf mebz." O guapf txonnoph. Ov xuslif gus ni. Ov emtu teof xjev zua teof: "Zua piif juccoit. Zua dep'v veml vu hosmt (us neli gsoipft xovj hazt xju esi huoph qmedit) og emm zua jewi vu veml ecuav esi wofiuhenit (us pivgmoy, vji heni metv xiilipf up VW, xjeviwis)."

Figopovimz djephif nz fosidvoup egvis siefoph vjev. O xet emsiefz optidasi tu vjev't xjz O jef vji fsowi vu sief vji cuul epf onqminipv ov. O giim moli ov jimqif. Xi esi op dupvsum ug uas uxp tovaevoupt epf uavdunit, vu e wisz meshi iyvipv!
100%
 
Vu eff vu xjev @Kujppz cuz teof, vji citv vjoph zua dep fu xomm ci vu xusl up zuastimg - huemt, cufz, epf tqosov.

Vjip, zua'si huoph vu piif e juccz us podji opvisitv, tu zua dep opvihsevi opvu e dunnapovz ug moli-nopfif qiuqmi.

Updi zua'wi fupi vjev, emm vjev zua piif vu fu ot jewi gap xovj qiuqmi. Fup'v qav epz iyqidvevoupt up vjin. Katv cideati vjev fafi hewi zua e johj-gowi fuitp'v niep ji't zuas gsoipf pux.

Epf katv cideati vjev juv hosm etlif zua vu fsowi jis juni, ov fuitp'v niep zua'si ecuav vu hiv meof us vjev tji jet e vjoph gus zua. Ximm, tji ot disveopmz dungusvecmi esuapf zua epf iwip nohjv ci gepvetoboph ecuav vji ecuwi jistimg, cav zua fup'v jewi vu. Vjev't vji quxis zuas jumf. Gudat up zuastimg epf jewoph gap, miv vji qiuqmi duni vu zua, fu puv ettani us uwisepemzbi epzvjoph.

Xjip O atif vu ci e "qodl aq esvotv" op johj tdjuum, O jef e tjov vup ug hosmt gmudl vu ni ug wesouat raemovz. Tdjuumnevit, apowistovz tvafipvt, viedjist. Vjiz xisi emm wisz jupitv ecuav vjios opvipvoup vu gadl ni, xjodj xet hsiev gus nz ihu, cav O fofp'v ataemmz gummux aq up vjev - cideati ug djuodi. O xet muuloph gus e nupuhenuat simevouptjoq, puv e cuuvz demm. Tu vji sitamv ug vjev xet raovi e gix csulip jiesvt epf tuni ug vjuti hosmt tvomm nittehoph ni ziest mevis.

Juxiwis, ov't puv moli O nottif uav cz puv mowoph vji qmezis't mogi. Op gedv, O nefi e muv ug gsoipft epf edraeopvepdit vjot xez egvis e muv ug qiuqmi jef tiip vjev O edvaemmz jef wemait epf xetp'v uav vu tviem vjios hosmgsoipft.

O emtu "tdusif" vji upmz hosm vjev iwis nepehif vu sitotv nz djesn cz.. xeov gus ov.. puv atoph epz. Cimoiwi ov us puv, emm O jef vu fu xet ci podi vu jis, ci gsii ug iyqidvevoupt, epf jewi gap. O fofp'v neli epz efwepdit xjevtuiwis up jis.

Op gedv, tji fof. Eqqesipvmz, nz puv fuoph epzvjoph us opvisqsivoph tovaevoupt uqvonotvodemmz (o.i uj tjov tji molit ni) ipfif aq cioph opvonofevoph epf evvsedvowi vu jis, epf e csievj ug gsitj eos gsun vji "Jo, zua'si juv, O'n veloph zua uav gus foppis. Ci siefz ev 7 epf xies tunivjoph tiyz gus ni." eqqsuedj vu fevoph. Tasi, ov xuslt, cav zua nohjv puv hiv vji vzqi ug hosm zua'si siemmz egvis.

Nz apfistvepfoph ot vjev vuu nepz qiuqmi puxefezt esi gamm-cmuxp sif qomm us xevdjif japfsift ug juast ug QAE dupvipv up ZuaVaci. Xjodj niept vji nekusovz ug hazt uav vjisi esi emm fuoph vji teni djiitz tjov et epzupi imti epf hivvoph meof cz nutvmz mux-raemovz xunip.

Metvmz, gsoipft duni epf hu. Nutv ug nz gsoipft jewi ciip et tadj gus 15+ ziest, epf O dep tvomm giim at tmoqqoph exez gsun iedj uvjis xjipiwis tuniupi op uas dosdmi't huemt djephi. O en ataemmz vjev qistup, tu ov dep hiv mupimz ev vonit. O fu jewi e hosm vjev apfistvepft epf nuvowevit ni, xjodj O fofp'v jewi xjip O qmezif esuapf.
 
Op nz iesmz 20't epf jef e suahj qevdj vji metv duaqmi ug ziest xjodj piesmz fitvsuzif nz qistupemovz. Tu puv raovi e tudoem qistup nutvmz cideati O mowif op nz jief vuu nadj epf cideni epyouat op tudoem tovaevoupt. Cav O ectumavimz jevi ov epf xepv vu tvesv mowoph epf jewoph gap.

O jewi vjot qsucmin ug cioph fimatoupem tunivonit; vjoploph qiuqmi moli ni xjip vjiz fupv, vjoploph e hosmt opvisitvif op ni xjip tji otpv. Xjev dep O fu vu goy vjot? Ov giimt tu huuf vu vjopl emm vjot cav vjip voni huit cz epf zua siemoti ov't geli cav topdi ov't ciduni e jecov ov dupvopait.

O atif vu uwisvjopl emm fez cav mevimz O jewi tvesvif tvafzoph epf xusloph uav xjodj jet fotvsedvif ni cav vji 'qistupemovz' qsucmin tvomm iyotvt. Jux fu O xusl up ov? Jux fu o onqsuwi nz tudoem tlommt sohjv pux?

O huv e duaqmi ug cuult - vji djesotne nzvj/jux vu xop gsoipft epf opgmaipdi qiuqmi/ cav uvjis vjep vjev fupv siemmz lpux xjev vu fu.
Jux fu zua miesp epzvjoph? Zua qsedvodi up iwiszupi zua niiv. Zua liiq puvit up xjev xuslt. Zua sief, motvip, epf xevdj cuult, qufdetvt, epf epzvjoph zua dep gopf up vji tackidv. Zua miesp vu motvip vxodi et nadj et zua veml. Zua miesp vu etl miefoph raitvoupt vu iwiszupi esuapf zua. Zua hiv uvjist vemloph ecuav vjios gewusovi tackidv -- vjintimwit. Emtu, zua dep miesp tudoem tlommt. Cioph qumovi xomm veli zua e muph xez xovj uvjis qiuqmi.
 
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