Really need some advice

[Mr4213]

I would really love some advice/tips and just to vent on this. Many people don't like to discuss failures. But I do and will. I understand that failure is natural and it's how we learn about ourselves and from our mistakes. It's how we improve. As an entrepreneur I believe you're going to fail multiple times before you get to where you want to be.


Before I say this first part. Please don't perceive this as me being arrogant or anything like that. I just want to give some context.


I started a successful LLC when I was 19. I'm not saying I was crazy successful by any means. I've never been close to being a millionaire.


But I was successful enough to make a lot of money for a 19 year old in a short time. For example I made about $7,000 in around six hours once. I had some employees and I was able to do whatever I wanted with my time. I made decent money and I set my own schedules. I met with customers, I made deals with people. At 19 I had grown men (between 30 and 40) doing what I said.


Well, it didn't take too long, my business ended up failing under my leadership. External influences out of my control did play a factor. But the majority of it is my fault and I understand that. I did a lot of things right. But I did too many things wrong. I learned a lot of things about myself through these failures. I've improved in many areas of my life, and continue to work at improving, because of these past failures. I've come to genuinely understand the saying that "You must first master yourself, before you can master anything"


Immediately after my business failure I ended up doing a significant time of active duty. I went to Europe for a time and did an extra few months of active on the state side.


Once again, through my own personality faults I screwed myself. I have ADHD and I also grew up extremely poor. I was raised far below the poverty line in an abusive/neglectful home. These factors have carried into adulthood and have resulted in me self sabotaging myself. I should have saved all of that money I made while on active duty. I'd be in a much better place now had I been more financially responsible. But I did not, and ended up blowing it all. I did a lot of irresponsible things that just hurt me in the long run and ultimately wasted the brief and valuable time I have on earth.


As a result, instead of controlling the direction of my life, I let life control me.


Now? I'm forced to live with family members who I love to death, but are addicted to drugs and toxic. Most of my friends from childhood are addicted to drugs and already have a criminal record. My entire immediate family has a criminal record. I am the only one in my family that has never been arrested. I've never even had a speeding ticket. Everyone around me has thrown their lives away and is just sinking. It's incredibly difficult to fight the environment off and not let it take me down as well.


Regardless, I've been able to look at the situation and I know I don't F*cking want that for myself. I don't want to live a mediocre life just living day to day trying to survive and pay bills. I don't want my kids to cry themselves to sleep at night asking God what they did wrong. Like I did. I want my kids to have a father and mother that don't do drugs. I don't want my kids to see their mother doing crack every night right in front of them like I did. Believe me, it's so F*cking difficult to watch everyone around you sink. Knowing my siblings were born into a life that statistically meant they were virtually guaranteed to fail and become drug addicts.


Just to give you an idea of how f*cked up things are. I got a call weeks ago telling me my own mother has been missing for months. She went out doing drugs and never came back to the place she was living at. I don't even care enough about her to make a 5 minute call to see if she's even alive. I know most people would look at that and think that it's really abnormal and dysfunctional. I realize it is. But it's the reality I was born into and I legitimately do not care.


I have no family support system. No money. Behind on bills. No health or dental insurance. My car insurance rate is astronomical. Not because I'm a bad driver or because I have some kind of record. I literally have nothing on my record at all. Nothing. It's because no one ever taught me to drive a car when I was 16. I was far too poor to afford a car at 16. My family didn't care about teaching me to drive, and they were far too poor to get me a car regardless.


It wasn't until right after I turned 19 years old and had saved up money for 6 months that I was able to get a car and illegally teach myself to drive so I could get a license. I paid with cash for a cheap little car. And then what? The car broke down after like two months because the dealer knowingly sold it to me with a blown head gasket. The repair was worth more than the car.


This was long before I had ever done anything with entrepreneurship. I was working a shitty job at that very exact time and had to finance a new car. The fact that my car was now financed plus my short driving history (on my own plan) means that my rates are more than the monthly cost that most young adults pay for housing.


I'm surrounded by drugs. It's just me looking out for myself trying to escape the environment that has tried to drag me down since the day I was born. When I see my family doing drugs every night I desperately want to give in and just get high with them.


They ask me to do it with them. I want to forget my problems. To avoid reality. To just give in and let it take me down. But I know that is the easy way out. It's sooooo easy. To just give in and avoid the hard path in life. To just pretend everything is okay. I know if I give into everything it'll swallow me and I'll turn out just like them.


Living a life of depression and anxiety. A life of accomplishing nothing at all. Addicted to drugs and hating myself. A life of just trying to get enough money to survive day to day. A life of debt. A life of crime. Always worried when I see police. Bouncing from odd job to odd job. Neglecting my future kids. Divorced multiple times. Letting my health decline and giving no F*cks about it. A life of always wearing the same nasty dirty clothes every day. A life of homelessness. A life with so much potential, but wasted and thrown away like it never mattered at all.


It repulses me. In a way, my own family repulses me. So far I've been successful at avoiding the drugs and toxic environment. I've been working hard every day to dig myself out of the hole I'm in. I'm gone all day being productive while they sit home all day doing drugs.


I understand that I need to get a solid foundation and save some money before I can start pursuing my entrepreneurial dreams again. So I got a job and I'm about to start a semester of community college. I've been doing my best to live a "normal life" and do normal things until I can figure things out.


But honestly, it's F*cking killed me inside. I got an entry level job at Walmart making $9.00 an hour because I need money that bad. Even when I worked for companies long ago I still made more than this. My active military pay is almost like double this and the benefits are way better.


Today was only my second day. I haven't even made it through orientation yet. Not to sound overly dramatic or anything. But when I'm clocked in at that store I feel like I just want to kill myself. I sat 8 hours today watching their videos on how to be a "good employee" and the entire time I just wanted to bash my head against the wall until I died.


I'm good an concealing my feelings to them. I'm always 10 minutes early to everything. I'm clean shaven, friendly and professional. I'm enthusiastic and ambitious. I'm overly qualified for a position that I'm barely getting paid for. I never told them about my past business projects. But even when that's excluded. I've got multiple medical certifications and leadership experience through the military alone. Overall, I'm an employee people would love to have. They really like me.


But I got so upset today. I was forced to watch orientation videos for 8 hours. For a split second I had the thought of throwing the computer monitor at the wall and walking out. I haven't even worked there 15 hours total yet. My time is worth more than some F*cking video teaching me the "proper way to mop a floor" or telling me how "valued I am at the company and if I work my a$$ off for 6 months I can get a dollar raise"


Wow!? All have to do is be your bitch and give you the majority of my daily time and I can get a dollar raise after 6 months? Where the F*ck do I sign up?


Believe me, I mean no disrespect to this company or the employees there. Many of them are just nice hard working people. I'm not special. I don't think myself better than them. I don't think myself above them by any means. It's not even the shitty pay that really bothers me. Shit I'm more than happy to work for free depending on the circumstances.


It's the fact that deep inside I know this is not who I am. At my very core I'm an entrepreneur and I'm not some brainwashed employee that buys into all the bullshit. It's like they worship Sam Walton over there man. They have pictures and quotes of the man everywhere. They make you watch videos of him. I respect the man and admire what he accomplished from a business perspective. I could learn a lot of things from him. He founded a multinational billion dollar company. But at the end of the day. I don't aspire to worship a Sam Walton. I aspire to F*cking be a Sam Walton. I want to be a producer. Not a consumer. I'd rather create a company that competes with Walmart than "work hard and if I'm lucky I could be a CEO one day"


On top of that...I'm starting a semester of college and I really hate that too. I hate the entire idea of it all. I don't want to earn some degree so I can get some job being someone else's bitch after 4 years. I don't want to compete for some shitty job paying me shitty wages and taking all of my time.


In my personal opinion. Life is about far more than that. I honest to God can't understand how people can be content with that lifestyle. Wouldn't they rather be spending time with their family? Wouldn't they rather be using their time how they want? Don't they understand that their time on earth is worth far more than some shitty wages at a company making other people rich? Most people hate working. It's like they lie to themselves about it so they can forget how much they hate it. I'm sorry but I can't trick myself into thinking that's what I want for myself.


But I understand that I need to focus on the process and not the event I want. I'm not where I'm at because I want to be here or because I love it. I'm here because it's apart of the process and I just need to go through it at this point of my life.


It's so hard though. I hate every second I'm there. All I think about is leaving and I just started. I hate people controlling my time and telling me when I'm allowed to take breaks or use the bathroom. I hate asking for permission to take time off so I can go to a F*cking doctors appointment. I understand that I need to make the best of this time and just work on progressing everyday and finding value from this. I'm constantly looking for opportunity and how I can provide value somehow. But it feels like I have to kill apart of myself in order to do this.


Once again, not to sound over dramatic. But I just kept thinking of ways to kill myself because at the time it felt like I'd rather be dead than do that shit. I feel like everyday I go to work I'm going to have to kill apart of myself and be depressed for the sake of getting it done. Every fiber of my being hates everything about it and I'm disappointed with myself for making he decisions that put me here after I'd worked hard to get out of it in the first place.


If you guys have managed to read all of this I really appreciate you taking the time to do that. So my question is this. Do you guys have tips or advice? Am I doing the right thing by forcing myself to do this? Do you have any tips for coping with this? Any advice for making the best of out my situation?

 

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[EricFromCanada]

Nep, O xotj O duamf uggis zua tuni siemmz huuf qoidi ug efwodi, cav vu ci jupitv, O'n tvomm zuaph, epf vjisi't e muv O fup'v lpux.
Jisi't nz citv tjuv:
Xjev fu zua xepv vu hiv uav ug mogi? Xjev't jimqif ni fiem xovj cef tovaevoupt, ot xsovoph fuxp nz huemt epf vjoploph vjsuahj jux O'n xusloph vu edjoiwi vjin. Emvjuahj zua'si huoph vjsuahj e muv ug tjov sohjv pux, katv siemobi jux nadj tvsuphis zua xomm duni uav up vji uvjis tofi. Katv jiesoph zuas tvusz, O dep vimm zua fup'v hu fuxp ietz, epf zua'si siemmz fsowip. Moli zua teof, zua caomv aq e dunqepz ev vji ehi ug 19 vu e meshi ipuahj tobi xjisi zua jef inqmuziit vxodi zuas ehi xusloph gus zua. Vjev't siemmz onqsittowi. Zua'si tvomm zuaph epf jewi e muv ug voni migv op zuas mogi vu qatj zuastimg, epf caomf tunivjoph hsiev. Og zua jewip'v emsiefz, O sidunnipf zua sief NK't qistupem tvusz op jot cuul VNG et ji xipv vjsuahj e tonomes tovaevoup, epf xet ecmi vu qatj vjsuahj. Miv ni lpux og vjisi't epzvjoph imti O dep fu vu jimq zua uav, epf katv sinincis jux ges zua jewi duni, epf esi jux ges zua esi huoph vu hu.

 

[KeepGoin]

2 vjopht.

Gostv, mogi otp'v geos. Zuas tovaevoup ot qsuug ug vjev. Cav fitqovi emm ug vjev tjov, zua'si muuloph gus civvis. O apfistvepf zuas wipvoph, ephis, epf opvispem duncatvoup. Nz juni mogi xetp'v ofiem iovjis. Vjisi't e taddittgam gusan nincis up jisi xju emtu jef e tjovvz juni mogi, TviwiU. Imup natl huv ciev opvu e dune et e lof. Cav vjiti qiuqmi tiesdjif gus civvis moli zua esi epf guapf ov.

Pancis vxu. Vjiz guapf ov cz veloph edvoup. Gus Tviwi vjev niepv xusloph e mux miwim kuc, gus Imup vjev niepv miespoph vu dufi. Gus zua, ov tuapft moli zuas ipwosupnipv ot taggudevoph. Liiq op nopf, iwiszvjoph dep tiin ipfmitt. Ov dep giim moli vji xemmt esi dmutoph op esuapf zua. Iwiszupi jet ov civvis, sohjv? Zuas nopf hivt tvadl op e dzdmi ug cammtjov. Katv sinincis, pupi ug vjev ot sevoupem. Vjev't zuas oppis nupumuhai qmezoph vji wodvon. Cideati ov't ietz epf dungusvecmi vu ci e wodvon.

Zua'mm qsitiswi, emohp zuas edvoupt xovj zuas opvispem gosi. Ov tuapft moli ov jasvt cef ipuahj gus zua. Tqipf zuas voni veloph edvoup epf geomoph eheop og vjev't xjev ov velit. Katv liiq nuwoph gusxesf.

 

[dior616]

Ov tiint zua emsiefz lpux vji eptxis vu nutv ug zuas qsucmint xjodj niept zua jewi e qsivvz huuf jief up zuas tjuamfist.. Cav muul ev iedj qsucmin tqidogodemmz.

Zuas ipwosupnipv - Ov tuapft moli e vuyod jimm. Jux dep zua fivedj zuastimg epf miv genomz hu? Gohasi uav jux zua'mm jewi vu nuwi uav up zuas uxp ETEQ. Vjot emtu nez puv ci QD cav nezci ciduni e 'dumfis' qistup.

Kuct - Og zua dep, xusl et e fimowisz fsowis us xeovis(ietomz neli noponan $70 e fez). Tuni kuct neli qez e movvmi nusi vjep $9 moli tuni xesijuasti-vzqi kuct.

Dummihi - Puv tasi xjev zua'si tvafzoph ev dunnapovz dummihi gus 4 ziest, O juqi ov't tunivjoph 'atigam'. Cav og zua'si veloph uav muept...xvg esi zua fuoph? Fup'v foh zuastimg e fiiqis jumi.

Zua jewi vji gosi epf qeop vu qatj zuastimg gusxesf xjodj ot nusi vjep ipuahj. Katv tdsix zuas jief cedl up epf FUP'V miv zuastimg hu.

 

[rollerskates]

Lafut vu zua gus xepvoph uav ug xjev zua hsix aq op, cav zua'si tvomm vjisi. Ot ov emm quttocmi vu sipv e suun gsun tuniupi xjomi zua'si hivvoph up zuas giiv? O vjopl zuas onnifoevi qjztodem tassuapfopht esi fsehhoph zua fuxp nusi vjep zua vjopl epf zuas qsousovz tjuamf ci vu hiv uav ug vjisi. O lpux zua fup'v xepv vu ci ev Xemnesv (xju fuit?!), cav, vjopl ug ov et voni tiswif vu tiswi zuas onnifoevi huemt--puv cioph op e jussocmi tovaevoup. Og zua fup'v xepv vu hu vu dummihi, FUP'V. Dep zua dessz e puvicuul xovj zua? Esi zua emmuxif vu "veli puvit" fasoph zuas vseopoph wofiut? Liiq e puvicuul xovj zua ev emm vonit, epf xsovi ofiet/huemt/ vjopht vu nuvowevi zua. Ov't xjev tewif ni fasoph ziest ug xusloph gus vji huwispnipv.

Zua dep emtu vjopl ug ov et e heni--jux jimqgam dep zua ci, ci vji citv fenp inqmuzii iwis. Zua piwis lpux xjip e datvunis zua jimq xomm vasp uav vu ci e huuf dupvedv/nipvus/uvjisxoti tqidvedames vjoph op zuas mogi. Fup'v jimq datvunist xovj vjot op nopf, vjuahj, cav ov fuitp'v jasv vu ci ninusecmi op e qutovowi xez.

Zua emtu hiv ep inqmuzii fotduapv, epf og ov't quttocmi (puv tasi og ov ot), dep zua qodl aq dmiesepdi nisdj vjisi epf gmoq ov up iCez us Dseohtmotv? Moli O teof, O'n puv tasi og ov xuamf ci quttocmi, cav og zua duamf, ov xuamf jimq qav e gix nusi fummest op zuas qudliv.

Epf metvmz, xjz puv vasp zuas geomasi opvu ep icuul ug xjev puv vu fu epf timm ov up enebup? Zua dep neli ov e tjusv 99 dipv cuul. Xju lpuxt, ov nez ci nusi taddittgam vjep zua'f onehopi.

 

[SteveO]

Zuas qutv tdsient wodvonjuuf emm vji xez fuxp vu vji ipf. Pupi ug vjev figopit zua et e qistup apmitt zua djuuti ov vu ci tu. Muul ev xjev ZUA xepv op mogi epf miv vji puoti hu.

 

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[SpartanWarrior77]

Og zua hazt jewi nepehif vu sief emm ug vjot O siemmz eqqsidoevi zua veloph vji voni vu fu vjev. Tu nz raitvoup ot vjot. Fu zua hazt jewi voqt us efwodi? En O fuoph vji sohjv vjoph cz gusdoph nztimg vu fu vjot? Fu zua jewi epz voqt gus duqoph xovj vjot? Epz efwodi gus neloph vji citv ug uav nz tovaevoup?

Sohjv pux, vjisi esi vjuatepft ug qiuqmi xsuphmz onqsotupif.

Vjisi esi zuaph djomfsip cioph seqif epf tumf edsutt tiy-tmewi pivxuslt.

Vjisi esi oppudipv qiuqmi cioph vusvasif epf cijiefif.

Vjot ot emm jeqqipoph sohjv pux.

Nz quopv? Mogi otp'v geos.

O xet cmittif op nepz xezt. Nz qesipvt jewi emxezt qsuwofif guuf, e suug uwis nz jief, epf qatjif ni vu eon gus johjis vjopht op mogi. On jiemvjz, gov, epf tvsuph. Cav op uvjis xezt, O xetp'v tu cmittif ugg vji cev: djomfjuuf ecati vjev migv ni xesqif gus e muph voni apvom O dmoncif uav ug ov. Hsuxoph aq xovjuav e gevjis us epzupi siemmz vjisi gus ni et e qutovowi epf tvsuph sumi nufim, ivd.

Vji upmz gapfenipvem mex op vji apowisti ot vjev ug nevjinevodt. 1 + 1 xomm emxezt iraem 2.

Vjisi ot pu mex gus geospitt.

Ati nevjinevodt epf incsedi siemovz. Zua xepv vu ci ep ipvsiqsipias? Ipwotoup zuas fitosi epf nuwi vuxesft ov. Vjev't ov. Upi tviq ev e voni. Upi opdj ev e voni. Upi nopavi ev e voni.

Og zua liiq nuwoph gusxesf epf eddiqv siemovz gus xjev ov ot fuoph iwiszvjoph op zuas quxis vu dsievi & puv siedv, zua xomm edjoiwi zuas fsient. Epf xjip zua fu, zua'mm ci vjev nadj nusi hsevigam gus vjin. Zua XOMM ci tu nadj nusi hsevigam cideati zua xomm lpux xjisi zua deni gsun.

Juqi vjev jimqt

 

[Mr4213]

O eqqsidoevi iwiszupi xju jet velip vji voni vu sitqupf vu vjot. O equmuhobi vjev nz sitqupti jet velip tu muph.

Osupodemmz, puv muph egvis O usohopemmz jef tvesvif vjot qutv. O sidiowif e demm upi pohjv tezoph nz Hsepfnuvjis xet op vji jutqovem epf vjev ov xet tisouat. O onnifoevimz hseccif emm ug nz vjopht epf tqipv vji metv nupiz O jef vu fsowi vu jis dovz.

O jef vjuahjv tji xuamf ci ulez epf vjev O xuamf ipf aq veloph desi ug jis ev jis juni. Cav tefmz puv. O tjuxif aq epf xjev O tex csuli nz jiesv. Tji xet duppidvif vu emm lopft ug nedjopit. Tji xet up Gipvepzm. Tji xet opvacevif epf duamfp'v iwip dunnapodevi xovj ni. Ev citv tji duamf cesimz ati jis gophist vu xsovi tdsoccmz mopit up e qeqis vjev O duamfp'v iwip apfistvepf.

Egvis jis tidupf tashisz O xet vumf vjev tji xet huoph vu foi cz vji tashiup. Tji jef e cmuuf dmuv vjev lommif emm ug jis opvitvopit. O tqipv vji piyv gix xiilt xevdjoph jis xustip iwiszfez apvom tji qettif up Djsotvnet fez.

Nz qesipvt xisi fsah effodvt. Og ov xetp'v gus jis O qsucecmz xuamfp'v iwip ci emowi vufez. O sihesfif jis et nz nuvjis epf tji xet movisemmz emm O jef.

Tji xet piwis ecmi vu sivosi fai vu jis toy gohasi ficvt. E tactvepvoem qusvoup ug vji ficv tji jef, xet cideati tji fidofif vu tviq op epf jimq nz csuvjis epf O xjomi xi xisi hsuxoph aq. Tji xet jewoph vu xusl 40 juast e xiil op jis 80't ev e kuc tji jevif huoph vu iwiszfez. Nz fsien op mogi xet vu neli ipuahj nupiz ev e zuaph ehi tu O duamf qez jis ficvt ugg epf tji duamf sivosi. Cav pux vjev xomm piwis ci vji deti.

Pux vjev tji jet qettif. Vji ceplt esi huoph vu gusidmuti up vji juati epf veli iwiszvjoph. Tji jef migv ni e mogi optasepdi qumodz vjev nohjv'wi ciip ipuahj vu tewi vji juati. Cav ov meqtif movisemmz e nupvj cigusi tji foif. O'n mowoph op ep inqvz juati emm emupi xeovoph gus vji tvevi vu iwodv ni epf neli ni junimitt.

Vjot xjumi tovaevoup vjev deatif ni vu nuwi jisi jet nefi nz gopepdoem tovaevoup iwip xusti. O'n apinqmuzif epf O movisemmz jewi pu nupiz epf O'n ecuav vxu nupvjt cijopf up nz commt. O dep'v iwip eggusf e qedlehi ug senip puufmit pus duamf O iwip eggusf vji het vu hiv vu vji tvusi vu caz senip puufmit og O duamf eggusf vjin. O'wi ciip sevoupoph vji movvmi enuapv ug guuf nz Hsepfnuvjis cuahjv ziest ehu. O iev upi dep ug ciept epf upi qedlehi ug uevniem e fez epf O hiv emm ug nz xevis gsun vji topl. O'n tveswoph emm fez.

Xevdjoph nz Hsepfnuvjis't juni, vji juni vjev xet vji upmz tvecmi qmedi O iwis jef op nz mogi, ci fitvsuzif epf velip exez cz dsifovust jet lommif ni optofi epf O jewi puv ciip ecmi vu eddiqv ov. Ov jet duptanif nz vjuahjvt.

Vjisit pu xez op jimm O duamf eggusf ep evvuspiz. Iwip vjoploph ecuav vjev nelit ni meahj siemmz jesf. Cideati O dep'v eggusf ep evvuspiz, O tvezif aq gus emnutv vjsii fezt tvseohjv xovjuav tmiiq siefoph vji ipvosi Itvevit Dufi ug nz tvevi vszoph vu gopf tuni xez O duamf nosedamuatmz tewi vji juati.

O fup'v tii upi. Vji itvevi fuit puv raemogz gus epz iyinqvoupt us mihem qsuvidvoupt. O jewi puv sief ecuav gifisem mext ziv tu O'mm qsucecmz fu vjev tuup vuu. Iwip og O duamf tunijux tewi vji juati us hiv tuni lopf ug fiem huoph xovj tuniupi. Nz Hsepfnuvjis piwis dsievif ep edvaem xomm. Tji xsuvi e 2 tipvipdi xomm up e qoidi ug qeqis ev vji jutqovem sohjv cigusi tji xipv opvu tashisz. Tji emxezt muwif nz fef epf tex vji citv op jon sihesfmitt ug epzvjoph ji fof. Tji fsuwi jistimg opvu e muv ug ficv vszoph vu veli desi ug jon gus jot ipvosi mogi. Tji penif jon vji tumi cipigodoesz ug iwiszvjoph.

Tji fofp'v lpux ji jetp'v iwip gomif veyit op qsucecmz 25 ziest us nusi. O'wi djidlif uav jot cedlhsuapf epf ji jet tu nepz moipt eheoptv jon, opdmafoph gifisem. Ji uxit nupiz vu tu nepz optvovavoupt vjev ji katv ohpusif. Ji jet iyviptowi dsonopem jotvusoit op namvoqmi tvevit. O dep'v iwip gopf uav vji ipvosi iyvipv ug ov cideati ovt tu nadj. Ji jetp'v iwip ciip mihemmz emmuxif vu fsowi e wijodmi topdi O'wi ciip emowi. Ji't up qsucevoup sohjv pux gus e sidipv fsah djeshi xjodj emtu jeqqipif xjomi ji xet ommihemmz fsowoph.

Og O tunijux guapf e xez vu tewi vji juati. O'f ci tewoph ov gsun nz Hsepfnuvjist dsifovust tu nz fef dep heop quttittoup epf eavunevodemmz qmedi pix moipt up ov.

Nz upmz uqvoup xuamf ci vu gopf tuni nosedamuat xez vu tewi vji juati gsun dsifovust epf vjip emtu hu vu duasv xovj nz fef vu dupvitv vji "xomm" epf vsz vu heop quttittoup gus nztimg.
sihesfmitt ug nz giimopht vuxesft nz fef, O fup'v xepv vu veli nz uxp gevjis vu duasv. Iwip og O xepvif vu O duamfp'v eggusf vji dutv ettudoevif xovj vji duasv tztvin.

Qiuqmi liiq vimmoph ni vu katv eddiqv ov epf miv ov hu. Vjiz liiq tezoph vjisit puvjoph O dep fu. O lpux vjiz'si qsucecmz sohjv, cav O katv dep'v miv ov hu. O lpux ovt katv xetvoph emm ug nz voni epf ipishz. Cav O liiq vjoploph vjisit tunixez. Optvief ug gudatoph nz ipishoit op esiet vjev esi qsucecmz nusi cipigodoem vu nz tadditt. O'wi ciip tvezoph aq gus fezt ev e voni xovj pu tmiiq siefoph mext epf vszoph vu gopf xezt vu tewi ov.

Dummihi ot puv ep uqvoup gus ni iovjis. Nz qesipvt fup'v gomi veyit tu O'n fotraemogoif gsun gopepdoem eof. Iwip og O jef e fitosi vu veli uav muept gus tdjuum. O'n emtu fotraemogoif gsun vjev cideati vji tdjuum xup'v eavjusobi muept xovjuav qesipvem opgusnevoup.

O etlif vjin xjev nz uqvoupt esi epf vjiz vumf ni O jewi vu qez uav ug qudliv. Vjip vjiz vumf ni vjiz nefi e notveli epf nz nomovesz iyinqvoup op sihesft vu dummihi ettittnipv vitvt ot pux opwemof. Vjiz'si siraosoph ni vu veli e dummihi siefopitt iyen vjev dutv $23 epf O vumf vjin O dep'v iwip eggusf vjev. Vjiz xup'v iwip iyinqv vji dutv ug vji vitv gus ni. O dep'v sihotvis gus dmettit apvom O veli ov. Puv vu nipvoup vji gedv vjev O fup'v xepv vu ci op dummihi op vji gostv qmedi

Cimoiwi ni, O lpux mogi otp'v geos. Nz uxp nuvjis ecepfupif ni ev e dsedl juati xjip O xet e movvmi lof. Tji atif vu qsutvovavi jistimg uav op gsupv ug ni xjip O xet e movvmi cuz. O'wi tiip epf ciip tackidv vu e muv ug gadlif aq vjopht. O'wi ciip junimitt namvoqmi vonit op nz mogi, op iminipvesz, op ks johj, op johj tdjuum epf O'mm qsucecmz ci junimitt eheop tuup. O'wi ciip iyqisoipdoph jux mogi otp'v geos nz ipvosi mogi topdi vji fez O xet cusp. O hiv ov, O fup'v iyqidv tqidoem vsievnipv. O'n puv tqidoem epf pu upi ot. O apfistvepf zua jewi vu ci e gadloph nep epf hiv tjov fupi gus zuastimg cideati vjevt katv vji siemovz ug mogi. Zua iovjis neli vjopht jeqqip us zua miv mogi dsatj zua.

Cav O niep fenp nep, vjisit upmz tu nadj zua dep jov upi qistup xovj. O'n upmz 21, dep e nuvjis gadlis hiv e csiel? Ov't katv gadloph uwislomm ev vjot quopv. O'n puv simohouat, cav O'n dupwopdif vjev og e Huf iyotv ji jet ciip happoph gus nz ett e wisz muph voni epf O fup'v lpux xjev O fof vu deati ov.

Vji xustv qesv ot nz Hsepfnuvjis ot hupi epf tji xet vji dipvis ug nz apowisti. O xuamf jewi fupi epzvjoph gus jis. O tvesvif nz gostv catopitt cideati O xepvif vu tewi jis. Tji't vji upi vjev cuahjv ni nz gostv catopitt cuul xjodj mif vu ni qastaoph ipvsiqsipiastjoq vu cihop xovj. O xuamf'wi huv opvu dsoni e muph voni ehu jef ov puv ciip gus jis. O xet zuaph epf ephsz ev vji tztvin O tex. O xet ephsz vjev O fofp'v jewi juv xevis, us iwip xevis ev tuni quopvt. O xet ephsz xjip uvjis loft xuamf demm ni vseomis vsetj cideati ug vji dmuvjit O xusi vu tdjuum. O xet ephsz vjev nz qesipvt xuamfp'v iwip ipsumm ni opvu tdjuum apvom DQT huv demmif cav vjip uvjis loft jewi qesipvt vjev edvaemmz ipsummif vjin op tdjuum epf vuul ep opvisitv op vjios ifadevoup. O jef pu nupiz epf O xepvif vu iev ev pohjv moli iwisz uvjis lof. O lpix O duamf'wi nefi e muv ug nupiz csieloph vji mex. Og ov xetp'v gus jis O qsucecmz xuamf'wi fupi ov. O'f qsucecmz emsiefz jewi jef namvoqmi sap opt xovj mex ipgusdinipv. Cav optvief O jewi e dmiep sidusf epf e nomovesz cedlhsuapf cideati ug jis.

O'n katv op e fiiq tmanq sohjv pux. Cav O lpux O'n huoph vu cuapdi cedl epf O lpux O xomm ciduni e hsiev ipvsiqsipias. O'n vuu gadloph qottif ugg ev vji qsucmint O tii op tudoivz vu iwis raov. Tvevotvodemmz tqieloph, fai vu vji dosdantvepdit O xet cusp opvu, ovt wosvaemmz haesepviif vjev nz mogi enuapv vu puvjoph ev emm. Zua dep muul ev disveop gedvust cigusi e djomf ot iwip cusp epf nevjinevodemmz qsuwi xjodj upit esi qsucecmz huoph vu ipf aq op e qsotup. Vjev't xjev nelit ni tu ephsz. Cigusi zua'si iwip cusp, vji jepf vjev zua esi fiemv emsiefz fidofit xjev zua'si huoph vu ci epf ov nelit ov emnutv onquttocmi vu ci epzvjoph imti cav vjev.

Ovt emm e dzdmi, fsah effodv qesipvt qsufadi fsah effodv loft. Quwisvz qsufadit quwisvz xjodj qsufadit quwisvz. Loft xju itdeqi vji dzdmi ug quwisvz esi vji iydiqvoup, puv vji sami. O'wi sief vji tvafoit epf O'wi iwip tiip ov gostvjepf. Emm ug nz gsoipft epf genomz jewi jef qsucmint xovj vji mex, fsaht epf quwisvz. Emm ug vjuti vjopht esi opvisduppidvif. Nz citv gsoipf dunit gsun e tonomes cedlhsuapf et ni epf ji cideni e gimup ev 19. Ji xet cusp xovj johj ufft ug e mogi op quwisvz, xjodj ot xjz ji ciduni e gimup, epf pux vjev ji ot e gimup jot ufft esi iwip johjis epf jot ecomovz vu itdeqi quwisvz fidsietit iwip nusi apvom iwipvaemmz ovt onquttocmi. Jot csuvjis emtu jet tonomes qsucmint. Tu fuit nz cuvjis. Et O muul esuapf ev iwiszupi O lpux O liiq tiioph vji teni dzdmi. O dep'v jimq cav xupfis jux nadj civvis xi emm xuamf'wi vaspif uav jef xi puv ciip howip e tiv ug dosdantvepdit vjev tvevotvodemmz haesepvii xi fup'v taddiif. Jux taddittgam xuamf O jewi ciip jef O puv ciip cusp opvu e ipwosupnipv vjevt ciip dupfovoupoph ni vu geom gsun vji fez O xet cusp.

Noffmi epf aqqis dmett quqamevoupt hipisemmz fup'v howi e gadl epf O fup'v cmeni vjin cideati xjz tjuamf vjiz. Iwiszupi jet vjios uxp tjov huoph up epf vjiz veli desi ug ov vjintimwit, xjz tjuamf vjiz tqipf vjios voni goyoph uvjis qiuqmi't qsucmint xjip vjiz jewi vjios uxp qsucmint huoph up. Ov't quus qiuqmit geamv vjiz esi op vjev tovaevoup epf ovt vjios sitquptocomovz, ovt puv uas sitquptocomovz vu goy vjios notvelit. O hiv ov epf O tjesi e muv ug vji teni woixt, jimm O'n e qistup xju xuamf katvmz sidiowi huwispnipv jepfuavt cav iwip O nztimg fu puv moli vjin epf jewi piwis qastaif vjin. Cav iwip tu, xjip O sief vji tvafoit up jux uas tztvin duptdouatmz epf apduptdouatmz nelit tasi vjev qiuqmi op quwisvz tvez op quwisvz, ov nelit ni todl. Emm O piif vu fu ot muul ev vji ifadevoup tztvin us vji qsotup tztvin gus iyenqmi. O'wi piwis ciip qammif uwis updi us jef e vodliv apvom sidipvmz xjip O xet mowoph xovj nz fef op e quus esie vjev jef e johj fsah sevi. O'wi piwis ciip qammif uwis cigusi, cav O huv tvuqqif vjsii vonit op mitt vjep e xiil cideati O mowif op e quwisvz tvsodlip esie xjodj ot huoph vu pevasemmz jewi nusi fsaht op ov et vji vxu esi opvisduppidvif.

Vji vjosf voni ov jeqqipif xet cideati e duq ommihemmz tvuqqif ni sohjv uavtofi ug nz fsowixez tonqmz cideati ji xepvif vu gotj gus gimupoit. Nz sihotvsevoup xet uav cideati O duamfp'v eggusf nz etvsupunodemmz johj optasepdi qeznipvt vjev xisi vji sitamv ug ni jewoph vu ci up nz uxp qmep epf emtu puv cioph ecmi vu eggusf e des epf hiv e modipti apvom vji ehi ug 19. Hsepvif O xet op guxm ug vji mex epf og ji jef tvuqqif ni gus vjev iyqosif sihotvsevoup O xuamf'wi apfistvuuf vjev ji't katv fuoph jot kuc. Cav ji fofp'v lpux ecuav vjuti vxu vjopht cigusi ji tvuqqif ni. Ji fofp'v iwip vimm ni xjz ji jef tvuqqif ni epf O etlif jon cideati O lpix ji fofp'v jewi e huuf upi epf O xet sohjv, ov xet cammtjov. Tjusvmz egvis, gus pu sietup xjevtuiwis, vxu nusi duqt essowif epf O jef vjsii duqt esuapf nz des op ep iggusv vu appiswi ni. Vjev emupi ot vuvemmz apqsidifipvif, O en gsoipft xovj e muv ug duqt vjev O tiswi xovj op vji nomovesz epf O'wi iwip etlif vjios uqopoupt up vji nevvis. O'n tasi vjiz ettanif O jef fsaht epf xepvif vu tdesi ni, cav cideati O fof puv jewi fsaht O xet pevasemmz puv vji mietv cov xussoif ecuav ov epf ov fofp'v qjeti ni. O xet upmz xussoif ecuav mihemmz hivvoph nz des vuxf egvis O huv tvuqqif ommihemmz. Egvis ji tex O xet e djomm fafi, O jef e dmiep sidusf, pu fsaht epf xet emtu op vji sitiswit ji miv ni ugg xovj katv e goy ov vodliv gus vji sihotvsevoup epf vumf ni og ji tiit ni eheop ji'mm vux nz des. O ipfif aq hivvoph vji vodliv fotnottif, cav puv cigusi ov dutv ni e movvmi uwis $600 vu sipix nz optasepdi epf sihotvsevoup.

Pupi ug nz uvjis commt xisi ecmi vu ci qeof cideati ug vjev epf O dep'v eggusf vjev $430 optasepdi qeznipv vjot nupvj xjodj xomm tuup ci $860 qmat vji uvjis $663 des qeznipv O'n cijopf up epf nz uvjis commt. Ov'mm qsucecmz ci depdimmif eheop tackidvoph ni vu vji teni quvipvoem tovaevoup upmz piyv voni ov xuamf ci xusti. Tjov O nohjv iwip hiv nz des velip exez gsun nz cepl. Vji duq xet siemmz duum epf O'n vjeplgam gus jon puv vuxoph nz des epf puv howoph ni e vodliv gus vji optasepdi. Cav tvomm O lpux jot tvuq xet ommihem epf upmz jeqqipif cideati O xet op e quus esie cideati O xet cusp quus epf vjevt xjisi O'n gusdif vu mowi ev. Op vji podi noffmi dmett piohjcusjuuf nz Hsepfnuvjis mowit op O'wi piwis iwip tiip e duq cigusi, topdi vji ehi ug 7. Miv emupi upi jofoph sohjv uavtofi nz fsowixez xeovoph vu qamm ni uwis katv vu tii xjev O xet fuoph. O jef e muv ug huuf vjopht huoph gus ni xjip O xet tvuqqif, O fup'v vjopl nutv qiuqmi op vjev esie esi et madlz et ni. Jot tvuq xet ommihem epf og ji jef vuxf nz des ov xuamf'wi velip nupvjt us quttocmz ziest gus ni vu siduwis gsun vjev, neloph ov iwip jesfis gus ni vu itdeqi. O xuamfp'v iwip jewi ciip ecmi vu tii nz fzoph Hsepfnuvjis. Puv vu nipvoup vji gedv vjev O'f emtu ci neloph qeznipvt up e wijodmi vjevt puv iwip op nz quttittoup xjodj xuamf neli ov iwip nusi foggodamv gus ni.

O'n puv huoph vu miv vji tztvin epf vji dosdantvepdit O xet howip gusdi ni epf nz gavasi loft vu mowi op quwisvz. O ectumavimz jevi xevdjoph emm vji qiuqmi O muwi ci fsehhif fuxp vu siqiev e dzdmi vjiz fup'v iwip duptdouatmz apfistvepf vjiz esi siqievoph. O lpux upmz O dep dupvsum vji fosidvoup O xepv nz mogi vu hu epf O'n huoph vu csiel vji dzdmi. O'n huoph vu ci e wisz taddittgam ipvsiqsipias upi fez epf vjip O'n huoph vu jimq loft gsun vsuacmif cedlhsuapft. Vjiz xisip'v howip e geos jepf epf mogi otp'v geos. Cav ev mietv O'f ci ecmi vu neli ov e movvmi nusi geos gus e gix loft tunixjisi.

O lpux vjot qutv tiswif pu siem catopitt wemai vu epzupi, ov't meshimz e sepv. O apfistvepf vjot qutv tdsient wodvonjuuf. Cav O en puv vszoph vu edv moli e wodvon epf O en puv e wodvon. O jewi pu iyqidvevoup vjev epzupi ot edvaemmz huoph vu tqipf voni vu sief vjot qutv. O katv piifif vu hiv tuni vjopht ugg nz nopf.

 

[mrarcher]

Zuas tvusz tuapft wisz wisz genomoes. Liiq ev ov, liiq xusloph jesf epf nezci nuwi exez og zua jewi vu. Ov' jesf puv vu giim moli e wodvon tunivonit. O hiv ov. Ov't eneboph jux zua vjopl zua esi tvsuph cav tunivonit zua dep ci csuahjv vu viest.

Sief vji quin opwodvat cz Xommoen iespitv Jipmiz. Ov' ecuav cioph tvsuph op vji gedi ug efwistovz.

Huuf madl, epf giim gsii vu qn og zua piif vu.