Penny Wise...and.... Dollar Poor ?

[Cat Man Du]

PENNY WISE and DOLLAR POOR ???

OR .............. IS IT:

DOLLAR WISE and PENNY POOR ???

Ever have one of those days that you either should not have gotten up or kept your mouth shut ??
.........................................................or BOTH.

Well this was one of those times....see what you think.....who’s RIGHT.....huh ??

This happened back a couple of years ago when we...errrrr I.... bought the Porsche.
We start our day at the kitchen table with coffee.

Barbie brings out the cordless and sits it on the table to start our calls for the day. Now she read that cordless phones are as bad as cell phones to hold next to your head while using it ...so she pushes the speaker button and makes her calls.

She calls information to get a number and while she listens to it ...she doesn’t write it down, BUT allows the phone company to place the call for an extra 30 cents...........making this transaction a total of $1.60.

When she hangs up I ask her why she didn’t look up the number as it was an older established company and was certainly in the phone book.
She answers that she didn’t have the book handy...........so I say Well I would have gotten it for you. I get one of those Hmmmmmmmm’s.

So then I ask her ...Well why didn’t you write the number down rather then spending the extra 30 cents letting the phone company place the call.

Well she says...............uhhhhhhhhhh I didn’t have a pencil or paper, BUT I say I would have gotten it for you and we wouldn’t have spent the extra 30 cents ....that’s not right ...it’s just throwing money away.

OK.........she gives me one of those double raised eyebrow looks........Guys you all know what this means:

DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT ???????

It then turns into the “ one raised eyebrow look “ Yes, guys, we ALL know that look...it means that:

She is sighting a bullet to send our way or at least a judo chop is headed for my neck.

Maybe Kung Fu Steve can chime in here: Is there any defense posture that us guys can take to ward off this attack???? Sure would like to know it if there is one.

How much did we spend for the Porsche she asks.

Well I say a little over 90 thousand..........................hmmmmmmm she says:
YOU are giving ME trouble over a lousy 30 cents when YOU spend about $23,000 per tire for that car, which I may add dropped down to about $19,000 per tire in value when we drove off the lot....hmmmmmm ?

What that’s got to do with anything I foolishly ask.....

Do I have to spell it out for you she says. Well, look I say ...you liked the car too and we wouldn’t have been able to get it at all without you. Yeah......how so she says. I told you the salesman said that he didn’t like my looks and if I hadn’t had you along they wouldn’t have sold me the car at all.

Is this another one of those pretty wife thingies again she asks? If so, it won’t work this time...NOT over 90 grand.

It’s true I say..... Look I had to beg for the Porsche key fob and look what he did for you: YOU got 2 blouses, a cap and a sweater from the apparel shop FREE....that proves it.

That’s no excuse she says........I don’t want to hear about a lousy 30 cents anymore.
So guys .......who’s right ??????
I say :if I can save that 30 cents ....which is really $1.60 ...shouldn’t I do it???? :smx4:

 

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[FDJustin]

"Alright, a dollar sixty is a cheap lesson. I'll set the phone book, a pad and pen on the table." *Smile* "A few more cents for the things we like."

... Of course, it's easier for me to say that when I'm not part of an argument. Arguments trigger a different part of the brain, that leads towards wanting to 'win'. Not wanting to make a situation the best it can be.

 

[Red]

I'm not necessarily a fan of the Doctor that coined this phrase, but it has merit:

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

Is the extra .30 cents worth an argument or resentment? Is $1.60? Is $90,000?

 

[ocean]

I'll jump in here with what I learned...

How long did you spend in your "heated discussion"? :smxB: (been there, man)

How long did it take to get back on track with her to get down to the business at hand?

(That's time you'll never get back.)

How much money do you both make per hour when you're switched on and handling business? Would it cover the .30 cents? (probably)

How much money did you make by getting side-tracked? (nothing)

SO.... what is the true cost to you of that activity?

She does have a point, you're at a place where you can buy a porche... worrying about 30 cents seems not worth your time.

NOW.... Yes, you also have a point... if this is a regular pattern, there are some things you can do to help make it easier next time... have a pad and pen out and ready... have a computer there to look up the numbers...

This is a leadership thing...

In this particular case, by focussing on this 30 cents, the argument became about that particular infraction which she will defend. What you did was derail the momentum of your team (which is key to business). Again, if this is a pattern, work things into the process so as to provide an easier way to perform the task. If it simply isn't something that will change, then consider it a cost of doing business and move on.

 

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[ocean]

... Of course, it's easier for me to say that when I'm not part of an argument. Arguments trigger a different part of the brain, that leads towards wanting to 'win'. Not wanting to make a situation the best it can be.

Excellent point! You have to learn to pull yourself out of that mode to lead effectively. Focus on the solution.

 

[Russ H]

It's not about winning the war/argument.

Look at it that way, and everyone loses.

Each and every interchange in a marriage is part teamwork, a compromise, working together for common ends.

Keep your eye on the big goal.

(which is not about dollars-- it's about getting along, and staying happily married, forever).

-Russ H.

 

[veli]

I bet the make up sex was good....

 

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[Cat Man Du]

"Alright, a dollar sixty is a cheap lesson. I'll set the phone book, a pad and pen on the table." *Smile* "A few more cents for the things we like."

Good advice, but only addresses the outcome, NOT the mindset................how would ya change that???????????????? :huh2:

 

[jrmartin]

I bet the make up sex was good....

If not, hes still got them woman staring at him while he rolls around in the Porsche!!

 

[Red]

Good advice, but only addresses the outcome, NOT the mindset................how would ya change that???????????????? :huh2:

Lead by example.

 

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[biophase]

You know that if you could have just haggled the salesman for another $160 off the price of the Porsche, she could be doing that 99 times and you'd still be ahead!

Years ago I actually did haggle a little and the end of the day when I bought my car, it was for $25 and the salesman was like it's only $25. But I told him it was dinner to me that night. Sometimes the big zero's make you forget about the little ones... until you step out the door.

 

[Russ H]

If not, hes still got them women staring at him while he rolls around in the Porsche!!

Spoken like someone who is not married.

Or won't be married for long . . .

-Russ H.

 

[Anon3587x]

I say if you believe you are right, put your foot down and argue your opinion! If you finally decide you are wrong, admit your mistake.

The option of agreeing to disagree is still there!

Red
"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

Personally, in order for myself to be happy. I would have to find the best possible answer benefiting both parties as greatly as possible.

From my perspective, this is akin to pretending you were wrong in order to make somebody else happy. Meanwhile, they do not care about your own happiness or feelings in the process.

 

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[NHS]

I can kind of understand where you are coming from. Wasting money on something fun like a porsche makes sense. Wasting money because your really F*cking lazy I don't get.

I have no problem spending $100 on dinner 3-4 nights a week but I am not gonna pay for the premium cable. LOL

 

[Red]

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

I may of misunderstood what you meant by that.

But from what I do, this is like pretending to admit your wrong just to make somebody else happy. While they do not care about your own happiness or feelings in the process.

It's not about pretending to be wrong or taking blame to make someone else happy, it's about understanding that, sometimes peace on the homefront is better (for both you and your partner) than feeding your ego and arguing a point until the bitter end in the attempt to persuade another to think the way you do or that you "are right."

Sometimes we put our desire to "win" over the value of understanding another's viewpoint and having some compassion or understanding regarding a viewpoint that differs from our own. (and being the competitive person I am, this is almost ALWAYS my initial knee-jerk reaction) It's ego, pure and simple.

Here's an example: I was recently dating a young pup (25-yr-old, lol) who had very strong beliefs about his chosen religion and God. I don't share all of his beliefs (which doesn't bother me one bit, I am no longer a person that feels the need to convince people to think the way that I do on that topic), but it bothered him to no end. He would start these debates with me where he would throw all of his "logic" at me & when I would respond with my viewpoint, it would just launch him into another mini-tirade. Eventually I would hear things about my viewpoint like "well that's just because you haven't thought this out" or some such nonsensical attack on my mental merits. He was willing to make me miserable in order to hear "you win" -an effort to bolster his ego by trying to get me to concede my personal beliefs to match his own. Yeah, no wedding bells there, folks.

I know that's an extreme example, but even the little things can start pushing a wedge between two people when handled in this manner.

In the end, was it worth it "winning the argument" and now you're divorced or single? Or could you have chosen not to allow it to get under your skin and just accepted that person's viewpoint (and them)? Could you have chosen to come back and address the situation later in an environment that was free of the initial stress & pressure where the event occurred?

I'm not saying Grin and Bear It and I'm not saying to pretend shit doesn't bother you. I'm saying, don't react emotionally/irrationally in the moment, analyze it later when you've cooled off, decide if it's something big enough that you truly need to address because discussing it would benefit the relationship & then proceed in a calm manner from there.

Everyone has a threshold of acceptance, you just have to decide at what point you put your desire to be right above your support/the happiness of your partner.

 

[Russ H]

Red puts it much better than me.

As I said earlier, this is not something to "win"-- it's not a who is right/wrong kind of thing.

If you go into *any* interchange w/a loved one (family, friend, sig other) trying to "win", you're screwed.

Cause nobody wins, long term, when that happens.

I speak from 30 years of doing that sh*t. I *loved* having debates/proving I was right.

I prolly still do here (my replacement activity?) :shruggie:

But in real life, I work like crazy, each and every day, on WIN-WINs. Compromises.

Or even just asking myself: Is this so all-fired important, or can I let it go?

B/c sometimes-- it's more important to the *other* person-- deep down-- than it is to me. So I just accept it.

Some of you young bucks might be rolling your eyes, and saying things like "Gad, what a p*ssy-whip" (I know this because *I* used to say this to myself when I'd see married men or other people w/ long-term family/friend relationships explain something like this!)

It took me way too friggin' long to figure this out (and I lost lots of friends, and alienated too many family members). And I found myself single-- no lasting long term relationships-- until I figured this out.

Winning is not everything-- esp when it comes to relating to other people.

-Russ H.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Good advice, but only addresses the outcome, NOT the mindset................how would ya change that???????????????? :huh2:

Think out of the box: Make enough freaking money that the butler can make the calls while you're out driving the Porsche. :urock2:

 

[ocean]

Think out of the box: Make enough freaking money that the butler can make the calls while you're out driving the Porsche. :urock2:

Exactly! :cheers:

 

[ocean]

Winning is not everything-- esp when it comes to relating to other people.

Absolutely agree.

What's the ROI on your time? You can sit and argue and even be right about it all day long, but then no one will make any money... or more importantly have any fun. (which is why you want money in the first place).

Find a solution and work it into the mix, don't halt the train over one minor thing.

 

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[Anon3587x]

I think arguments come in two different variations. Each variation requires a different outcome.

A You have the arguments over thoughts and ideology's.
B Then you also have the arguments over decision making.

When it comes to arguments over A which could be things like religion

• favorite colors
• favorite car
• apple or Microsoft
• favorite music
• etc . . .

The best thing to do in most A cases is to agree to disagree.
It is kind of pointless to try and change somebody's mind to fit your own personal preference.

Now when it comes to B argument

• Where are we going to eat?
• What are we going to spend our money on?
• Should we go left or right?
• Can we make it to the next gas station before we run out of gas?
• Your hot, I'm cold. . .Do we turn on the heater or AC?
• I want to go to the beach, you want to go to the snow. Where do we go?

000
Things start to get a little bit crazy and you really can't agree to disagree. I think this is where the character of whoever it is your arguing with is really going to show.

If they are selfish they will always fight to the bitter end to get their way and will rarely consider your own needs.

If they really care for you or just have great character. They will go your way to make you happy 50% of the time. Knowing you did the same for them countless times.

This is why finding the right person is so crucial.

P.S Russ

If you find yourself losing the A category arguments indeed you are P***** whipped in a bad way. However if youre losing the B arguments then I would just say you love your wife and it's not a bad thing at all.

 

[FDJustin]

Good advice, but only addresses the outcome, NOT the mindset................how would ya change that???????????????? :huh2:

If I knew the perfect answer to that, I would be a much better person. ;p

There are some tricks that might help, NLP techniques, etc. But the biggest thing that allows a change is to become aware of a problem in the first place, accept that it is a problem and then go 'How would I -prefer- to handle it? In the future, can I recognize when I am switching into battle mode, remind myself of my goal to create a better situation, and turn my focus towards that?'

Something you might try right now, which is a loosely recalled NLP technique:
Sit down, close your eyes and remember the situation. Put yourself into the first person and recall each detail of the event you can, leading up to the argument - and a little beyond.
Now that you know the exact part where you began to switch into the argument mode (Maybe you feel like it after remembering) consider what you would have preferred to have done. Go back through the memory, but this time relive it as though you had taken the other choice.

 

[Russ H]

P.S Russ

If you find yourself losing the A category arguments indeed you are P***** whipped in a bad way. lol

But if your losing the B arguements then I would just say you love your wife and it's not a bad thing at all.

I guess that's my whole point:

I NEVER lose. Losing isn't an option.

Neither is winning.

I'm not in it to win or to lose.

It's a whole different mindset.

-Russ H.

 

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[Cat Man Du]

It's not about winning the war/argument.

Look at it that way, and everyone loses.

Each and every interchange in a marriage is part teamwork, a compromise, working together for common ends.

Keep your eye on the big goal.

(which is not about dollars-- it's about getting along, and staying happily married, forever).

-Russ H.

[B]Ahhhhh...yes... I seem to remember a former post of yours that spoke about being in a hormonal fog. My problem is that from the first minuet that I met her ...... the fog switched on and I’m afraid it’s still in play 30 years later.... that's almost forever. NOW being in this disadvantaged state ... how do you argue effectively??[/B]

I bet the make up sex was good....

Wait a minuet..................I thought ........is there ....could there be......no it's not possible.......... I mean that's the ONLY reason for a disagreement isn't it ?? :urock2:

 

[Cat Man Du]

Ahhhhh...yes... I seem to remember a former post of yours that spoke about being in a hormonal fog. My problem is that from the first minuet that I met her ...... the fog switched on and I’m afraid it’s still in play 30 years later.... that's almost forever. NOW being in this disadvantaged state ... how do you argue effectively??

Can ANYONE help me with the above ????

 

[Rickson9]

I understand that idea of getting a fancy car. I was guilty of it in my 20s. Now, with more money than I had back then I find myself less materialistic. It's a paradox, but it is what it is...

With regards to conversations and discussions, I've moved away from the winning/losing mindset and now think of it as sharing (or not sharing), but that's just me.

 

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[hakrjak]

The first thing I did when I got my big 6 figure job back in 2000 was to go out and buy a convertable BMW. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. It didn't make me more popular, more appealing to women, or more likely to close big business deals... What did it do? It cleaned out my savings, and was very expensive to insure. Tires for it were about $250 each, and a brake job was $1000.... A simple allignment cost me $275! I couldn't get a "check engine" light reset for under $100, and that light seemed to go off every few months.

In retrospect, buying this car was very young & foolish. Since then I've resolved to not buy another expensive car unless I'm $1mil liquid, or more.

Since I've been driving a paid-off, economic, domestic vehicle -- I've calculated a 5 figure savings over the past few years.

Regarding the conversation you had with the wife: I seem to have these conversations all the time... They usually end up with her calling me "cheap", and not understanding the reason *why* I try to impress frugality into the way we operate.

- Hakrjak

 

[Gaulkin]

A picture of her would help us determine the winner.

 

[Cat Man Du]

A picture of her would help us determine the winner.

Only tooooooo happy to oblige:

 

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