Need advice on approaching a woman...

[BaraQueenbee]

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

If a guy tells me the "I think youre fun to talk to and sexy", do you want to go on a date. BIG NO.
Compliment, yes. But the sexy/hot, comes off as shallow and like one intents to go just for the big hit.

 

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[Supa]

If a guy tells me the "I think youre fun to talk to and sexy", do you want to go on a date. BIG NO.
Compliment, yes. But the sexy/hot, comes off as shallow and like one intents to go just for the big hit.

that sentence sounds like something out of a movie for me. The goal of it is to hope that the girl has low self esteem.. The woman OP is talking about works in a bank, like in every customer service based job, I can only imagine how many guys and colleagues try to hit on her with some cheapy things like that EVERY DAY.

Another example of comparing men/women.. Most men are not used to be starred at by a woman, so they probably would love it if it happens. Now get into a subway and sit there watching how many of the guys sitting there too check out the attractive girl sitting at the other end of the subway.

Just because we as men would enjoy it, doesn't mean that women do too, it's more likely that a girl gets pretty annoyed by it, since it happens day after day. Now if you tell her she is sexy.. How big do you think are your chances of her saying "oh, thanks! Finally someone to tell me that!" or is it more likely that she will think about you as just another guy like all those on the subway on her way to work?

 

[BaraQueenbee]

There is a video roaming the interwebs and social media right now, where it shows the difference between een man hitting on a woman, and visa versa.

Most of the time the women gets approached, before he even finished the "you look so sexy can we....." she tells him to "F*ck off".
When the woman tells the guy, you see he is a bit taken by her approach, and wether or not taken, politely accepts or declines.

Also then we can go back to the basic discussion who needs to be the hunter or huntee one :-D

 

[Mattie]

The goal of it is to hope that the girl has low self esteem.

This is what is mess up in our society. This is more seductive thinking, manipulating a woman's emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Seduction techniques and pick up artist theories lead to one thing. Sex and not an emotionally available person who is wounded. Great sex, but not a long lasting relationship. Some people want this, but most of the woman and men I've talked to are looking for honesty, trust, intimacy, and a connection. A relationship that is stable and long lasting. Sure seduction can pick up a woman. You can trick a woman into anything. Fortunately, they'll figure it out and give you the boot. So, if all you were trying to achieve is sex and a good time, that's about all you will get.

You would have to be emotionally available, and be able to experience intimacy to have a relationship that lasts. The average man doesn't want to do the inner work to have a relationship. They just want sex, beer, and pornography. That's a lower consciousness relationship with a woman. I sit on my but, play video games, drink some beer, flirt with every woman, look at some porn, pick up chicks all the time, and have a good time on the weekend.

Businessmen can be divided. Skip the relationships entirely. Ha ha, one man on another forum asked me advice about picking up women on craig's list. And if I thought it was a good idea to pay a woman etc. Like pretty woman. Now people have their own ideas about dating and relationships, but fortunately as many woman and men I talk to they seem to agree seduction, manipulation, and lies is not fun on both parts. There's some bad advice out there in books, blogs, and podcasts.

Fortunately, learning persuasion, copy writing, etc. too. I notice it can be a problem when you're using it on woman. Yes, this is your idea. I hope they aren't higher consciousness, because I can't get away with it than. And then they wonder why women are so harsh, critical, and emotional. lol "I didn't do anything.", you might say. Well, yes, you did. You lied, manipulated, and talked someone into having a relationship, not honest and truthful about your intentions and motives. Manipulation and control tactics are all over relationships, and it's because society used them in the past to keep woman in their place through the centuries.

No matter what class, men can be pick up artists and seduce others. And I suppose that is where women get smart, learn there part of the problem, and start blocking, and ignoring all the pick up lines. We do read, listen to podcasts, and probably study relationships more than men. I think men on some sites think we don't watch the advice they're giving. Pretty much today, with information, you're screwed, because women aren't going to be stupid anymore.

 

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[Freedom61]

Some of my friends are into the whole pick up artist thing to get girls but its all bull shit. I'm about the same as them in attractiveness and i get LOADS more girls than them.

This is my winning at life trick for OP and all other people in this thread.

1. Walk up to girl and say Hi, How are you?
2. Who cares how she responds, ask open ended questions to spark a conversation, anything like What kind of books do you read? Where have you traveled to? Do not let conversation stop and get awkward even if its boring.
3. Blah Blah Blah 10-20 minutes later (2-5 minutes for OP because hes already talked to her a bunch and shes at work busy) drop this bomb on her.

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

4. Go for the kiss afterwards and about 46% of the time they will make out with you on the spot. If not drop another open ended question and just go back to normal conversation like it was no big deal you nuked her like that. If she has a boy friend or isn't interested she will find a way to escape asap. If she keeps hanging around you that means your in just have to work at it longer and get to know her more. OP don't go for the kiss cause it's inappropriate at work, ask her out instead.

That's partially what gets me distracted from "just doing it" is thinking "what do I say after, "Hi, my name's Matt, how are you?"" However, when I meet someone new whether it's business or w/e I can usually let the conversation flow normally.

She works in a bank right ? Here's a line that I guarantee can't fail:

"Hi baby. I'd like to 'invest' my heart with YOU. My love yields high returns so let's do this"

Or not

Oh man, that's hilarious!

If there is 2 things you take from this thread it should be these

1)x does not equal y, dont treat these types of situations/situations in general like math as such, otherwise youll be unhappy and fail (maybe not?)

2) make sure you have a positive self image, know that your are good enough for her, visualize you being successful with asking her out (i am not talking about the law of attraction) look up psycho cybernetics by maxwell maltz to understand what i mean

Also if i was you , i would have give 1 more visit to the bank to gauge her reaction when you see her again to get a better idea of what her intentions are


EDIT: Also with number 2, that is being confident, if you are confident in yourself it will show

I say to especially remember #2, because all the posts saying "just be confident" is bs (no offense intended) because it is just like someone going to the doctor because they are unable to fall asleep and the doctors only response is "well just go to sleep", see what i am saying?

Thanks for the great advice. I'm leaving town this evening and returning Sunday night so I won't be making any trips to the bank this week but I'll have to check my mailbox next week, there should be some checks from lawn customers so I can have an excuse to go see her lol. I'll definitely have to go in and gauge her reaction and hopefully she will be there.

Self confidence is key, I've "just done it" before with business stuff when I only had a little bit of knowledge on what I was doing so I guess this wouldn't be much different. In both situations, if they don't go my way, oh well, I learned for next time.

As for saying "just be confident", you're definitely right it's just like a dr. saying to "just go to sleep", it doesn't give much instruction.

Watch their stuff and you will get a feeling for that That way I got my current girlfriend as well. Just don't give a shit, have fun!, talk about what ever you want, be alpha and when the conversation is at its best, get her number to leave with the best impression. If you need practice, try it on several ugly girls before

I don't think I could quite talk about whatever I want, my entire life currently is fastlane mindset & business, thinking about achieving financial retirement when I'm young, how long it will be until I can buy the expensive toys I want, etc. and racing motocross, most women would probably be bored if I talked about any of that on a first date. For me, approaching women is somewhat like hitting a big jump racing motocross, most of the time you just need to "pin it" and do the jump, I just over-calculate things sometimes though.

"people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel" it doesn't matter what you say to her in your convo, it's about what you make her feel. You are on a good way if a woman has to smile when she thinks back to a convo with you. There are no magic words that you can say to her while approaching her, a simple 'hi, how's it going?' said with a confident smile is 10,000x better than any learned sentence. Oh and look in her eyes, don't act like a boring guy that is too afraid to say something wrong.

Thanks for the great info! I always make sure to look into everyone's eyes when talking to them!

What are you actually asking?

Are you wondering how to approach women/get dates?

If so, these three books have been awesome for me. Read and devour them - and I'd be happy to chat with you.

Models by Mark Manson: http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018091&sr=8-1&keywords=models mark manson

The Charsima Myth: http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018118&sr=8-1&keywords=charisma myth

Always Talk to Strangers: http://www.amazon.com/Always-Talk-Strangers-Simple-Finding-ebook/dp/B000OCXFYW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446018139&sr=8-1&keywords=always talk to strangers

Thanks, I'll have to look into these.

Yeah, I'm basically trying to figure out what to say after "hey, how's it going" without getting into the boring subjects like weather, work, etc.

Hate to break it to you, there is no right way (but MANY wrong ways) to approach a women.

If we're keeping it in the circles, it's just like business. Read about it, talk about it, get knowledge about it (and I suggest you do that, even if it's to broaden your perspective and horizon), but in the end. GET MOVING and just do it.

No amount of ideas or solutions is going to he be right and only one.
Sincerity. (<--you want to take her out on a date)
True to yourself (<-- don't pretend you like something or take her out on something just because she might like it, and you'll end up all feeling bad)
a bit of romance (<-- enough to find about this. The cliches, a rose, a little extra effort, or even something you made up yourself. Get creative! Instead of turning in a check, make her write down her number)
Chance (<-- We are all humans, we have good and bad days. I truly hope for you, she says yes if you ask her out. And if she doesn't, get out there and get in touch with people in general again. Remember, rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just wasn't the right match)

As far as that, good luck and dont forget to enjoy too

Thanks for the great advice! I'm not one to beat around the bush, if I'm going to do something (ie. take her on a date) I will be sincere in trying to do so. I really like the idea of being creative, perhaps writing my number on blank space on the deposit slip would work?

 

[AustinS28]

She's a person, you're a person. You've made friends before so you know how to hold a conversation...some people will be your friends, some people won't...some girls will want to date you, others won't...The more wrapped up you get about all this...the less likely you'll come off genuine. Be yourself. Girls are just as nervous as you and want to be asked out on dates.

I met the girl I've been in a LTR with at 23 and I'm 25 now...My first "real girlfriend," I simply made things way too complicated before her which only bit me in the a$$.

Focus on your fast lane projects, keep the dating fun, don't become obsessed with having a girlfriend. Keep your personal hobbies and interests at your forefront especially in the initial stages of dating and you'll come off more attractive.

 

[Freedom61]

Good thinking on your part, and exactly what you should do.



Exactly. And since she's obviously outgoing and extroverted, my assumption is:

1. She will say yes with a smile on her face
2. Even if it's no, she'll do it in a tactful and polite manner and you'll feel just fine (and even then it's not necessarily over - maybe she's taken now, but will be available some time in the future - too many guys take a girl's "yes" or "no" as a be-all end-all and a validation of their worth - don't be that guy, be a playa

And technically, the worst scenario is you not asking her out at all, and then beating yourself up over it for weeks or months to come.

Be an optimist, focus on option 1

As you're already a successful businessman, you certainly know that it's better to be confident, optimistic and focusing on closing the deal, rather than "what's the worst thing that could happen".



You do that. I would say don't overthink this one or overcomplicate. This is a situation clear as a day, and should be kept simple:

This girl likes you.

The next time you go to the bank, approach her, greet her (you can add a smile too)

You can get straight to the point and say something to the effect of "let's go grab a coffee after work/tonite". You'll see right away if she's receptive to it, and then you just iron out the details. You can set a time and place right away, or you can give her your number and tell her to call you after work.

Notes:

- Not a native English speaker so my wording probably sucks - adjust as needed. But am a dating coach, and have had multiple girlfriends that I met at the bank exactly like you will meet this girl. It's that simple

- Keep in mind this is her workplace. Vary the above approach as needed to keep her out of unpleasant situations.

If others are far enough from you that she can feel comfortable setting a date with you, then do that.

If it's a crowded place, long lines, her colleagues too nearby - simply after you're done with the banking part, give her a note with your number and name and discretely say (almost whisper), so only she can hear it: "let's meet sometime, call me up". Optionally follow with a wink and a smile;-)

Your mindset for all approaches should be positive and optimistic, as if you're a bearer of good news (because you are), as if you're bringing them gifts (because you are). You're a young and successful guy who gives her the gift of getting to know you, and having a chance for a romance.

Any anxiety you might feel, just embrace it and overcome it with a deep breath.

Get inspired by good music

If you can't make yourself approach her/If you simply want to make her day and make her feel like a movie star - you can send her some flowers that you think she'll like, with a note attached with something like "If you're for a new friendship..." or "If you'd like to meet..." or whatever, you can even just write a compliment - followed with your phone #, and signed as

"Guy with a cool haircut"

You can expect the "thank you" text with a the same day, and then you have her number and you two can take it from there. If she doesn't reply the same day, you can consider it as no, and just move on, that's cool too.

I love the flowers & note idea!! Very creative! Maybe I could try that after going there next time to gauge her reaction as mentioned by someone else in this thread? I also like the idea of being very direct & to the point and asking her out for coffee after work.

"And technically, the worst scenario is you not asking her out at all, and then beating yourself up over it for weeks or months to come."

Isn't that the truth. I wish some of my customers would pay their damn bills so I can go to the bank try this out.

"'Your mindset for all approaches should be positive and optimistic, as if you're a bearer of good news (because you are), as if you're bringing them gifts (because you are). You're a young and successful guy who gives her the gift of getting to know you, and having a chance for a romance.

Any anxiety you might feel, just embrace it and overcome it with a deep breath.""

I've started to embrace the uncertainty/anxiety when it comes to business & life in general. I used to get unbelievably stressed out about it. That's a great way to put it though as I'm the one that's the bearer of good news & bringing gifts!

Ok, first things first. A bank teller is what we call a hired gun, just like a waitress or really anyone working. They are paid to be nice to you.

With this in mind, here's all you can really do without going out and getting some experience.

Maintain good posture, shoulders back head up. Speak easily, relaxed and with confidence (not arrogance and not creepy). Smile and make good eye contact (not staring). Talk to her in person, gauge how the conversation is going and then if it feels good you simply ask if she would like to get a drink. If she's hot she'll likely have a boyfriend, if she does and says so do NOT let it change the tempo and feel of the conversation. Move naturally on to the next mundane thing as if you ask hot girls out all the time and her saying no is similar to her not making the work paintball weekend. No. Big. Deal.
With a smiley and good eye contact "oh that's too bad. Maybe another time. How is X"

Relationships end all the time, how you handle her telling you she's in one now can set you up for when it finishes.

Now, if she handles the question badly that is a whole different matter and depends completely on your personality. Remember you asked her out to coffee not for a blow job, don't let her put you down.


Other than that all I can say is good luck. Without tuition or experience you are an unknown.
I've known and worked with some exceptional puas and no one has 100% success.

Thanks for the great advice.

I think what works for me is hardly thinking about it and just "doing it" (of course doing it the right way as you mentioned- good posture, relaxed, smile, eye contact), over thinking would cause nerves and when I'm nervous about things I can hardly talk and I fumble my words

Sorry for anyone suggesting pick up stuff, but they are all pretty lame compared to Chris Deudes ->

goodlookingloser.com

Picking up girls is part of a lifestyle, a lifestyle where you strive to be the best at what you do and Chris drills it really hard. The best thing about Chris is that he makes you realize it's a numbers game when it comes to women. The one in the bank might say no, but with the right mindset you will approach ten more. It's really liberating I have to say and one of the best findings I ever made when it comes to PUA (Models is a second close).

I think it will really lift the elephant off my back when (not if) I do ask her out. It'll be one of those moments where I think to myself, "that wasn't so bad, was it? Now let's do it some more!" It's like learning a new skill.

One of the reasons we always recommended dudes start going to the gym or lose those extra 15lbs/7kgs was that it's part of the life style. When you're stronger or looking better you ARE more confident. When you're more confident, it shows in your communication with other people.

Become the best version of you. Things always work out for that guy.

I wouldn't say I'm blatantly out of shape as I eat a pretty strict/healthy diet and get to the gym a couple times per week (about 151-153 lbs & 5'8"), and that frequency will be increasing as the lawn/landscape biz season draws near the end. I know for sure that my confidence will increase when I can get into the shape I want to be.

It looks like you're worrying about how much money in your account and what she things of that if it's not six figures. Fortunately, most bank tellers aren't that rich, they're average people that don't get paid that much. So, I wouldn't worry about your bank account.

Second, if you want a date with and since it is her job, I would just somehow get a message to her, because it conflicts with her job. Technically you're not supposed to date the customer. That's a tough one, but message is your best bet.

Since you really don't know her, and the only conversations you've had, I would keep is simple like having breakfast, lunch, dinner at a cafe, restaurant, or something in public, but still private, and intimate. Simple steps to to create an opportunity to get to know one another.

Best topics is sharing interests, having something to talk about that is not about wounds and past relationships. Be yourself. Typical conversation you would have with just about anyone. The goal is building a strong foundation of friendship and trust. Kind of like planting a garden. You plant the seeds, allow the sun and rain to play a part, and watch it grow over time.

Never be in a hurry and rush things. Take things slow. Know what she's about. What are her habits, her mindset, and where is she going in life. Pay attention to the red flags right off the bat. Pay attention to vocabulary when she speaks. Is it negative or positive? Is she focused on the past and failures? Is she focused on succeeding and reaching her full potential? You can tell a lot by body language, vocabulary, and conversation whether you want to go down that alley with her to further a relationship. Women look hot! Doesn't mean they make great supportive girlfriends or wives. You want one that is strong minded and will support you through your entrepreneur adventures, and can tough it out in storms. One that can handle emotions and feelings and respond rather than react.

Women can be very negative, fault finding, and degrading to a man. So, yes, it's exciting for you to date someone, but pay attention, be aware, and be smart.

I wasn't worried about not having enough money in my accts, I stated that because I figured someone would bring up her seeing my accts' balances and being interested in me because I had a bundle of money. A good reference to this would be Lil Wayne in a recent hit song "...bank teller flirtin' after checkin' my account".

I've grown my self awareness 1000 fold in the past year so I've learned quickly on what to look for in the right girl. I'm certainly looking for someone that's long term (once I know them better). I'm pretty picky when it comes to the people I hang out with (I don't have time for the negative BS) and I have a pretty good idea as to the type of person I'd like to date.
Thanks for your advice.

Lots of great advice in this thread, and some I don't agree with either.

But a recommendation to the OP:

Before you dive into all this theory...I'd recommend you ask this girl out BEFORE reading books/websites recommended here or doing anything regarding "self improvement".

This particular girl, according to your description, plain and simple likes you. You can go and plain and simple ask her out. The same way you'd invite some of your friends to go grab a coffee. You can literally say "BRO, let's go grab a beer", and I think she'd still go for it, and have a cool cool laugh, after all those uptight people she sees daily who act all important, or give her cheesy compliments.

24 - you're at the perfect age - Young enough and Old enough for whatever you want from life. Plus you've figured it out. You're a businessman already, switching from slowlane to fastlane, but in the driver's seat nevertheless. You're a driver. You're a rider. You're a winner. Even in a dating game, you're way ahead of most by even contemplating to ask her out, and looking out for advice since you're not experienced yet.

She hollered at you. Holla back, ask her out. That's all there is to it

Thanks for the awesome advice. I definitely agree with taking action before consuming some more information. The clock is ticking.

I need to "Holla back"! Lol. It sounds so simple.

Tons of great advice in this thread.

There's all sorts of books and pua communities, but to be honest, just go out with a bunch of buddies and have fun. Approach everyone, it's a numbers game. Don't be afraid of rejection, just keep at it. With all of the technology out there, it's not very difficult lining up a date. Just go on tinder, pof, instant dates every night of the week while you sit on your a$$ at home...BUT, if you want to improve on your approach anxiety, get off the online stuff and get out there. I've known guys who did hundreds, thousands of approaches in a week just to improve on their game and get over their fears!

Best of luck

Who has time to go out with their friends when pursuing the fastlane?

I've had pof & tinder and they yielded nothing as far as "dates", every match was a bit too large for me and wasn't attractive. If I were to use those apps again I'd maybe do more work with the content of my profile, better pics, etc.

 

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[AlexanderSuper]

Really... Just DO IT!! I'd say that her giving you a compliment (or saying anything for what matters) was already half of the thing.
Go there, refer to the cut again, say something stupid as that a lot of people suggest you change it but you keep it if she says it's nice one more time... BE CASUAL. don't go there too overthinking it, too scared of failure. Really, whichever sentence you say, as long as you're natural and not shitting your pants (or if you do shit, you have to be good enough to conceal it) will do!

If I only knew business as I know women... even though at one point I was for many years 100% concentrated on getting women and went through failures and, ESPECIALLY, regrets for not having tried.

Actually,it seems I have to follow this pattern of failure-success with important things. Last decade it was women, now business and money. SHIT!

 

[cautiouscapy]

flowers

Nooooo, not flowers at this point - way too over-the-top and creepy.

 

[Freedom61]

Nooooo, not flowers at this point - way too over-the-top and creepy.

That's what I was thinking, great idea but too soon for that.

 

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[CoolAV8R]

@Freedom61

Just be yourself and ask the girl out! If you don't, you will never know and will always wonder.

P.S. rejection doesn't kill

 

[Freedom61]

@Freedom61

Just be yourself and ask the girl out! If you don't, you will never know and will always wonder.

P.S. rejection doesn't kill

That's the plan the next time I go to the bank! I had it happen in high school when I was too shy to talk to a girl that I know was into me based on her body language.

 

[FastNAwesome]

That's partially what gets me distracted from "just doing it" is thinking "what do I say after, "Hi, my name's Matt, how are you?""

You can follow up with a compliment, and then an invitation for a date.

Or just straight up invite her. Literally the same way as if you would a friend or anyone. Don't worry, attraction is not so fragile that you can "spoil" things if you don't say the "perfect words".

It's much more about confidence and how you say it. Get away from the "stage performer" mindset. What I mean by that is...right now you're trying to come up with ideal words, in hopes of getting an ideal reaction. Kinda like newbie stand-up comedian preparing for his first act, totally unsure how the audience will react.

Although it comes from a good place - you're a good guy who'd like to meet this girl - this mindset is not helpful to neither of you. By constantly thinking what's the "correct" next step, what effectively happens is this:

- You won't be able to enjoy your time with her, as you won't be relaxed, and you'll constantly exhausting yourself by thinking what to say next.

- She won't be able to enjoy her time with you either, and won't even get a chance to know you, as you'll be basically trying to "play" her like a video game, trying to get to the next level (getting a date, getting a kiss and so on...). See how being a good guy is actually bad in this context? Don't be a good guy or a bad guy, be a YOU-guy

Speaking of that...

I don't think I could quite talk about whatever I want, my entire life currently is fastlane mindset & business, thinking about achieving financial retirement when I'm young, how long it will be until I can buy the expensive toys I want, etc. and racing motocross, most women would probably be bored if I talked about any of that on a first date.

Whaat?! She'd probably be excited to hear about it. You're a young boss. You already made it. You're a man of discipline and dedication, which tells her a lot about your character, and your maturity too. You're basically an almost unreal combination of attractive traits. Because most guys reach maturity and business success much later in life - if ever.

Plus she works at the bank, so there's a high likelihood her education and interests are in economics and business.

This is where "be yourself" comes into play. When a woman likes you (and later on loves you) - she will often become supportive like you
wouldn't believe. Motorsport? Just watch her become your biggest fan

And in an unlikely situation that one of you bores the other one...well then you just move on....numbers game bro, remember that. It will save you much time and effort - which will then be spent much better with the girls that you click with.

I'll definitely have to go in and gauge her reaction and hopefully she will be there.

And what if she will also be gauging your reaction (as she gave you a compliment last time) - and then when she sees you not smiling but rather "gauging" (which in reality will look like a totally serious face with no emotions)?

For one, you like her. So that's reason enough to approach her with a smile, and ask her out in a polite and nice way.

And secondly, she had already given you an indicator that there may be some liking going on. She complimented you while you were not nearby, at an establishment where it's not really usual to do so, at her workplace. Unless your haircut is extraordinary, or she's some kind of haircut-loving freak, it's fair to say she likes you and that was probably her way of letting you know


Too much talk, too little music. Good music helps with good attitude, and can increase your confidence and mojo

 

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[Sheps]

There is a lot of variation to the advice in this thread.

That in itself is a clue. There is no right answer per se. You need to find what works for you.

Just as there is no right answer in business. No one could sit down and write a 10step guide that EVERYONE could follow to be a million regardless of niche, cash flow, experience and personality. No one.

Gotta do you boo... Gotta find you first though.

 

[Blue1214]

I don't think you should jump the gun and think she likes you just because of that compliment.

 

[AlexanderSuper]

I don't think you should jump the gun and think she likes you just because of that compliment.

Hey, don't mess with the guy
No, I really think the compliment is a great hint, that is, as it has been already written, if she is not an haircut freak or the cut was astonishing.
Very very few ladies do chat with men in the workplace. If they're cute, there's no point in them doing so, as they alrady get hit on tens of times per day.. so risking being unprofessional and reprimanded for no reasonis not an option they consider.
Let's not forget that in slowlane people have bosses.

 

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[The Grind]

Some of my friends are into the whole pick up artist thing to get girls but its all bull shit. I'm about the same as them in attractiveness and i get LOADS more girls than them.

This is my winning at life trick for OP and all other people in this thread.

1. Walk up to girl and say Hi, How are you?
2. Who cares how she responds, ask open ended questions to spark a conversation, anything like What kind of books do you read? Where have you traveled to? Do not let conversation stop and get awkward even if its boring.
3. Blah Blah Blah 10-20 minutes later (2-5 minutes for OP because hes already talked to her a bunch and shes at work busy) drop this bomb on her.

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

4. Go for the kiss afterwards and about 46% of the time they will make out with you on the spot. If not drop another open ended question and just go back to normal conversation like it was no big deal you nuked her like that. If she has a boy friend or isn't interested she will find a way to escape asap. If she keeps hanging around you that means your in just have to work at it longer and get to know her more. OP don't go for the kiss cause it's inappropriate at work, ask her out instead.

Pure sweet golden gold...

 

[CoolAV8R]

Focus on your fast lane projects, keep the dating fun, don't become obsessed with having a girlfriend. Keep your personal hobbies and interests at your forefront especially in the initial stages of dating and you'll come off more attractive.

Yes...This!

T

 

[Freedom61]

You can follow up with a compliment, and then an invitation for a date.

Or just straight up invite her. Literally the same way as if you would a friend or anyone. Don't worry, attraction is not so fragile that you can "spoil" things if you don't say the "perfect words".

It's much more about confidence and how you say it. Get away from the "stage performer" mindset. What I mean by that is...right now you're trying to come up with ideal words, in hopes of getting an ideal reaction. Kinda like newbie stand-up comedian preparing for his first act, totally unsure how the audience will react.

Although it comes from a good place - you're a good guy who'd like to meet this girl - this mindset is not helpful to neither of you. By constantly thinking what's the "correct" next step, what effectively happens is this:

- You won't be able to enjoy your time with her, as you won't be relaxed, and you'll constantly exhausting yourself by thinking what to say next.

- She won't be able to enjoy her time with you either, and won't even get a chance to know you, as you'll be basically trying to "play" her like a video game, trying to get to the next level (getting a date, getting a kiss and so on...). See how being a good guy is actually bad in this context? Don't be a good guy or a bad guy, be a YOU-guy

Speaking of that...





Whaat?! She'd probably be excited to hear about it. You're a young boss. You already made it. You're a man of discipline and dedication, which tells her a lot about your character, and your maturity too. You're basically an almost unreal combination of attractive traits. Because most guys reach maturity and business success much later in life - if ever.

Plus she works at the bank, so there's a high likelihood her education and interests are in economics and business.

This is where "be yourself" comes into play. When a woman likes you (and later on loves you) - she will often become supportive like you
wouldn't believe. Motorsport? Just watch her become your biggest fan

And in an unlikely situation that one of you bores the other one...well then you just move on....numbers game bro, remember that. It will save you much time and effort - which will then be spent much better with the girls that you click with.



And what if she will also be gauging your reaction (as she gave you a compliment last time) - and then when she sees you not smiling but rather "gauging" (which in reality will look like a totally serious face with no emotions)?

For one, you like her. So that's reason enough to approach her with a smile, and ask her out in a polite and nice way.

And secondly, she had already given you an indicator that there may be some liking going on. She complimented you while you were not nearby, at an establishment where it's not really usual to do so, at her workplace. Unless your haircut is extraordinary, or she's some kind of haircut-loving freak, it's fair to say she likes you and that was probably her way of letting you know


Too much talk, too little music. Good music helps with good attitude, and can increase your confidence and mojo

Thanks for the kind words FastNAwesome! Although I wouldn't quite say I've "made it" yet, I'm still broke compared to where I want to be but that's a discussion for a different thread. It makes sense that she would also find an interest in business with working at a bank, we shall find out hopefully.

My haircut isn't anything extraordinary, the actual term for it would be an undercut. I don't think she's some kind of haircut freak lol.

I checked my mailbox & had some checks arrive, so I went to the bank today, my plan was to keep it professional in case her boss was around or other people were around and so I was going to write a note on the deposit slip "Let's go out sometime, 777-777-7777 " when going through the drive up. Pull into the drive up lane and she wasn't working there, the person working the drive up was with someone else so I backed out of the drive up, went inside and she wasn't there. Maybe she has Mondays off? Who knows, but I'll have to go back there this week and hopefully she's there! Worst part is that I was nervous as heck all afternoon and couldn't stay focused on my work.

I think I've calmed my nerves down a bit and can be "me" next time.

 

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[Supercar Ace]

No need to be nervous. Know your value and be direct. also, don't put all your eggs in 1 basket. Get out and talk to other women. Don't set yourself up to be in a position where one person controls your romantic fate. Make yourself the priority and focus on your goals...you seem busy and have lots to do, so remember you are doing her the favor of inviting her into your world. PM me for a more detailed response, as I cold write on this for pages.

 

[Freedom61]

No need to be nervous. Know your value and be direct. also, don't put all your eggs in 1 basket. Get out and talk to other women. Don't set yourself up to be in a position where one person controls your romantic fate. Make yourself the priority and focus on your goals...you seem busy and have lots to do, so remember you are doing her the favor of inviting her into your world. PM me for a more detailed response, as I cold write on this for pages.

I'll send you a PM. Thanks for the kind words. I get nervous when doing something I've never really done before.

I'd certainly say I'm pretty busy, the list of things I have to do each day (& in the long/short term) is quite overwhelming but "showing up" every day is key. I certainly know my value however the interaction I have with single women around my age is few & far between.

 

[Shdreams]

Women. I've always had it fairly easy to get there attention with the blue eyes. Keeping there attention I've learned to be a bit more difficult. But for me Ive learned short and sweet in the beginning works best. If your in person and want a date. Just ask. She knew the second she saw you if the immediate attraction was there. If you make it to the texting/phone convo short and interesting is important. If she's a hottie she's already tired of "beggers" unfortunately you kinda have to play it off like you don't need her. Weird rite? But its true. Women have a tendency to chase what they can't have. Don't believe me? Her Instagram is full of proof! Haha. Anyway just ask man. If she seems interested she probably is. Life's to Short to not try.

 

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[FastNAwesome]

my plan was to keep it professional in case her boss was around or other people were around and so I was going to write a note on the deposit slip "Let's go out sometime, 777-777-7777 "

Great approach. Except you don't need a smiley on the note. You should give her a smile or a smirk while you're there. It sets up a good mood, and lets her know her compliment was accepted well.

Understand that she has feelings, doubts and anxieties too.

Btw.that's a rare quality, and very appreciated by women. You have a sense of what's appropriate, and care about her position, yet...

Maybe she has Mondays off? Who knows, but I'll have to go back there this week and hopefully she's there!

...you're still taking initiative and going for what you want. True player

You're still probably be nervous when you see her, but don't resist it, embrace your nervousness, just let it flow, while you do your thing.

Like a bungee jump. At first it's scary, and then you're happy you did it

So enjoy the feeling. And you can totally be confident, because...

Very very few ladies do chat with men in the workplace. If they're cute, there's no point in them doing so, as they alrady get hit on tens of times per day.. so risking being unprofessional and reprimanded for no reasonis not an option they consider.
Let's not forget that in slowlane people have bosses.

...which means she likes you almost certainly.

At worst, she won't call you or will politely say no

 

[Ninjakid]

If she's making the extra effort to acknowledge you like noting your new haircut, that's already a good sign.

The next step is to see if she likes you, and isn't just being friendly with you as many female bank tellers are. Don't try to be someone else. Don't try to pull some weird cockamamie scheme to make her like you. Talk to her like she's a regular human being the same way as you have been that's gotten her to notice you, and casually ask her if she would like to join you for dinner sometime.

She'll either say:

Yes

or

she'll make up some reason why she can't.

If she says yes, she likes you. You can guarantee that, because otherwise she would just say no. You don't need to try anymore, just be your cool self. Go out with her, have a good time, maybe you two will live happily ever after.

If she hums and haws, smile and say "so that's a yes?" And then she'll most likely agree.

If she declines, which will probably in the form of some excuse, then smile and say that's okay. But feel how she's saying it, if she's saying it as more of a "I don't really know" then an abrupt "no," it may be worth it to ask again by casually suggesting something else. She may like you, but be a little hesitant to go out with you. If she still declines, then smile and say that's okay. Don't try to pressure her because that will definitely make her not like you at all.

Simply put, just make the first move.

 

[contract]

Older video, advice still rings true today..

More on my channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/NextLuxuryVideo/videos

 

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[Mattie]

Older video, advice still rings true today..

Very true. That's the problem with men that always talked to me. They would say, hey babe, hey sweetheart, and some stupid line that indicated sex. And I was like, "See you."

 

[Freedom61]

Great approach. Except you don't need a smiley on the note. You should give her a smile or a smirk while you're there. It sets up a good mood, and lets her know her compliment was accepted well.

Understand that she has feelings, doubts and anxieties too.

Btw.that's a rare quality, and very appreciated by women. You have a sense of what's appropriate, and care about her position, yet...



...you're still taking initiative and going for what you want. True player

Heck yeah I am going for it! I rarely meet any women around my age, gotta go for it when the opportunity presents itself!

You're still probably be nervous when you see her, but don't resist it, embrace your nervousness, just let it flow, while you do your thing.

Like a bungee jump. At first it's scary, and then you're happy you did it

So enjoy the feeling. And you can totally be confident, because...



...which means she likes you almost certainly.

At worst, she won't call you or will politely say no

I'm sure my heart rate will sky rocket when I'm about to talk to her. I came up with the idea of putting a sticky note with my deposit slip & check to be deposited with the note written on the note that way she'll see it and won't lose my number/message in case they shred the deposit tickets after the transaction. And she could easily take the sticky note & put it in her pocket without me making it awkward if her boss is around and she wouldn't have to deal with potential repercussions of discussing personal matters during business hours.

I went there again Wednesday when I had some checks arrive - she wasn't there , went there yesterday to do another deposit and I did the deposit but I went through the drive up (with my plan of the sticky note) and she wasn't working the drive up but might have been working inside, I glanced over and thought I maybe saw her but I can't say for sure. Checked my PO Box today and no checks! I was talking to a buddy earlier and was joking with him by asking him to write me some checks just so I could have a reason go to the bank so I can ask her out!

 

[Freedom61]

If she's making the extra effort to acknowledge you like noting your new haircut, that's already a good sign.

The next step is to see if she likes you, and isn't just being friendly with you as many female bank tellers are. Don't try to be someone else. Don't try to pull some weird cockamamie scheme to make her like you. Talk to her like she's a regular human being the same way as you have been that's gotten her to notice you, and casually ask her if she would like to join you for dinner sometime.

She'll either say:

Yes

or

she'll make up some reason why she can't.

If she says yes, she likes you. You can guarantee that, because otherwise she would just say no. You don't need to try anymore, just be your cool self. Go out with her, have a good time, maybe you two will live happily ever after.

If she hums and haws, smile and say "so that's a yes?" And then she'll most likely agree.

If she declines, which will probably in the form of some excuse, then smile and say that's okay. But feel how she's saying it, if she's saying it as more of a "I don't really know" then an abrupt "no," it may be worth it to ask again by casually suggesting something else. She may like you, but be a little hesitant to go out with you. If she still declines, then smile and say that's okay. Don't try to pressure her because that will definitely make her not like you at all.

Simply put, just make the first move.

That's my plan. No games, no tricks, because that's not me at all. I'm pretty "to the point" with everything. We shall see what happens if I can ever get the chance to talk to her again!

I like the idea of suggesting something else if she's "on the fence" with it but she declines again then it's w/e. Nothing lost on my end.

 

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[Freedom61]

Well the day finally arrived! Yesterday (Friday) I went to the bank around 5:30pm, rolled up to the drive up and she wasn't working at the drive up, before I press the button to open up door to the sending device, I took a look over into the lobby and I saw her! Thankfully there were 2 other cars there at that time, so the girl working the drive up was preoccupied when I just drove straight through and back into the parking lot. I parked and endorsed the check I had and wrote on a sticky note...

Let's go out sometime
777-777-7777

and in I walked with the check. As I walked from the lobby, she was over at the counter where you fill out deposit slips organizing things since they were closing soon and as I was walking towards her she greeted me saying "hey, haven't seen you for a while!" and I handed her my check & replied back "Yeah... I've been pretty busy with my other business, I have a product I'm launching soon so I've been stressed and working all day and night" as we walked towards the counters/computers. She asked what my business was (I haven an acct there for it but primarily use PayPal) and I told her about it (for those that don't know it's an internet company - teaching people how to start businesses in the industry I'm in in via eBooks/vid courses/biz management doc pkges), and she said back, "oh cool, I recently started a web design business with my dad and it's been really interesting".

I'm pretty sure she said like that, but once I had walked up to the counter my heart rate probably shot to 200 bpm (it was seriously beating harder than I've every experienced - I've raced motocross since I was 8 years old, a truly anaerobic sport where your heart rate hovers around your max the entire duration of a race, and more than any high intensity interval workout I've done) and I kinda lost track of everything and I somehow was able to say something (after she mentioned that) along the lines of "what do you have planned for this weekend?" She replied back "Well tonight I'm probably going to bed because I'm just exhausted but tomorrow I have a bunch of homework..." and I fumbled through my words and I'm pretty sure I said (and not in a calm, cool, confident manner as I should have because I was so nervous) "Well, let's do something, here's my number if you ..." and I practially flicked the sticky note from my sweatshirt's pocket to right in front of her on the counter and she immediately said "oh, I'm seeing someone already" and I was mid-sentence then said something like "... want to do something just casual.." which didn't make an ounce of sense to me and her, then I quickly said, "oh, it's cool.." and she turned the convo around and asked "is there anything else I can help you out with today" as she handed me my receipt and I just asked for the last name that was on my check (so I can write the name down to record the payment in my accting software) and then we said our goodbyes.

I walked out, got into my truck and my heart was still beating a million mph. My mind was just racing and I was definitely not happy with myself for somewhat screwing it up by not saying things in a confident manner. I called up my buddy I had told about this whole thing and told him what happened as I was on my way home. After, when I was driving, I was thinking, "wow, what do I do now? I straight up thought she was into me and I had this". I knew there was no way I could go back home and continue working on my project because my mind was so focused on that, so I went to the gym and worked as hard as I have in months because I wanted to forget about the entire experience. I wear a Polar HR Monitor and even though I maxed out on some reps/lifts, I still don't think my HR was near what it was when I was standing at that counter.

After some time ticked by, later in the night I talked on the phone with my younger bro's gf about it (the ones I'm moving in with in about 1.5 months) and was finally able to calm down. I've since figured out that in a way it was a big weight off my back, because now I know I can leave my current town (where I've lived my entire life) and I don't have any baggage or relationships, etc. that's still here when I move up to Fargo shortly after Christmas. If she would have said yes, and the time comes when for me to leave my current living situation (parents) to pursue my FL biz, the decision would be a mess.

Now that I have the first time experience and am ready to do this again! I know I need to not think about the situation/task at hand and relax A LOT more and things will go better.

 

[Ninjakid]

First, good for you for mustering up the confidence to finally ask her. Now let me shed light on some things.

I was definitely not happy with myself for somewhat screwing it up by not saying things in a confident manner.

Why is it that I can recall the convo you had with her better than you can?

I'm pretty sure she said something along the lines of

"oh, I'm seeing someone already"

In case you didn't know, that's not code for "try harder." That means "I decline." And for a valid reason. She has something decent going on for her and she's not going screw it up over you.

I straight up thought she was into me and I had this

She might think you're cute, she probably thinks it's cool to see you when she's working. Maybe she's flirting with you. Does that mean she wants anything more? No.
Too often guys assume that because a girl acts nice and is maybe flirty that she automatically wants to date him, or sleep with him or whatever. Don't be that guy.
Don't be too perplexed, and don't take it personally. There's nothing wrong with asking her the way you did. You wanted to know, now you got your answer. You don't need to have regrets.

"... want to do something just casual.."

Never ask a girl this again, especially if she claims to already be in a relationship. It's just straight up sleazy. Once again, don't be that guy.

All in all, congratulations for finally asking. Now move on and be the best you that you can. When you're the best you, you'll shine bright like a diamond.

Excuse that cheesy Rihanna quote I threw in.