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OFF-TOPIC Losing friendships

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Andrew McBurney

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It sounds like you're growing as a person. It can be scary and exciting. Find new friends with more similar interests. Perhaps you've developed in different ways than your old friends - and don't "fit" like you used to. It doesn't make you or them any less than the other... it's just a part of life. I think all high achievers go through this.
 

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Brian Suh

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The majority of people miss the type of friendship you can only experience when you're a child. That type of friendship is not based on anything but liking the other person for who they are.

The first time you lost friends without realizing it was when you hit puberty. That's when you have the friends that start graviting towards the opposite sex and the ones that are still clueless about it.

Then you lose friends again once you leave high school. Even in high school most kids are in an equal playing field. Everyone is still care free and depend on their parents so money it's not a periquisite to been friends.

The people that can be your friends are those that are your equals. At the same stage in life as you. If you want to be successful you wouldn't hang around the stoner gamer dude because you're both on two different wavelengths. There's going to be tension pulling the two personalities at all times. If you just want to enjoy the moment and have no worries you wouldn't hang out with someone that's building a future for himself.

Just move on and don't think too much of it.
Ive lost most of my friends due to jealousy. Especially those you grew up with. I grew up shy and overweight and got zero girls. When I became confident, in shape, and started getting reallya ttractive girlfriends all my "friends" started acting weird. It's because your shining a spot light on their shortcomings and that if you succeed what does it say about them?
 

Brian Suh

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Ive lost most of my friends due to jealousy. Especially those you grew up with. I grew up shy and overweight and got zero girls. When I became confident, in shape, and started getting reallya ttractive girlfriends all my "friends" started acting weird. It's because your shining a spot light on their shortcomings and that if you succeed what does it say about them?
I also think once you hit your early 20's you can CONSCIOUSLY choose your friendships. Lets be real. Your only friends with your high school friends due to proximity. Now that I am older i have NOTHING in common with them and only tried to fit in. This happened in college too. Now I ONLY will mess with people with smarts AND balls. Hang with those only with smarts and no balls and you will have a bunch of keyboard warriors. hang with those only with balls and watch your back (this is the classic "thug). The best is one with smarts and balls.
 

WJK

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I also think once you hit your early 20's you can CONSCIOUSLY choose your friendships. Lets be real. Your only friends with your high school friends due to proximity. Now that I am older i have NOTHING in common with them and only tried to fit in. This happened in college too. Now I ONLY will mess with people with smarts AND balls. Hang with those only with smarts and no balls and you will have a bunch of keyboard warriors. hang with those only with balls and watch your back (this is the classic "thug). The best is one with smarts and balls.
You can look at a person's inner circle to know who and what they are. In other words, we each reflect the people around us and they too reflect our traits. We are rejected by those who are too different from us. Humans are herd animals -- who only really feel comfortable within their own tribe. You're right. We each must carefully choose our friends and close associates -- our chosen tribe and extended family. The older you become, the more you will find this truth to be important to the quality of your life.
 

GigMistress

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It sounds to me like you've outgrown your old friends. That's a natural function of growing up and moving in different directions. Sometimes, those friendships die out. Sometimes, they turn into something that's more background than active day-to-day. I have a handful of friends from high school and college that I love like family and would do anything for, but may see and talk to once or twice a year. We're just living very different lives that don't intersect much. One friend, I have lunch with once a year, and that's often the only time I see or talk to him. Every time, it's a wonderful time and feels like no time has passed. I don't consider it a lost friendship; I consider it a different type of friendship that evolved to fit who we are now.

The place it becomes problematic, which it sounds like maybe you're experiencing, is when that falling away is happening and you haven't yet replaced the old ways and moved into new ways of life and social circles. You're here in this forum for a reason. Do you really want to adapt your life to maintain a day-to-day relationship with someone who only wants to play video games? I don't mean that as an insult to your friend, simply a suggestion that maybe your points of intersection have dissolved. Where do you go and what do you do in real life that is like this forum (or otherwise likely to connect you with people who are at a similar place to you)?
 

Brian Suh

Silver Contributor
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May 19, 2018
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You can look at a person's inner circle to know who and what they are. In other words, we each reflect the people around us and they too reflect our traits. We are rejected by those who are too different from us. Humans are herd animals -- who only really feel comfortable within their own tribe. You're right. We each must carefully choose our friends and close associates -- our chosen tribe and extended family. The older you become, the more you will find this truth to be important to the quality of your life.
call me a weirdo but I will ONLY be close to those that will go at my throat. As in they are competitive and will bring the BEST out of me. Those are also the ones I can fully trust. I know a shark to be a shark. With 95% of people they canive their ways into getting something. That "nice" guy that acts submissive but really is a leech and a backstabber the first chance he gets to get what he wants (two face). With in your face, brash, BRUTALLY honest people you may not like them (you certainly wont like them unless your a sick f*ck like me who likes harsh truths) but you know what your getting. Think of characters like gordon ramsay. Those performing at the ELITE level and have no time for bullshit of any sort. Just results and performance.
 

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