Living near family

[Sid23]

Why do you live in the city that you live in?

I'm 30 years old and I live across the country from my family AND my fiancee's family. Both of our families live in a different state, so a trip "home" always means only see one family or the other.

We love where we live, but neither of our family's have much money and can't travel often. I'm okay seeing my folks a couple of times a year, but in a couple of years when we start having kids, the need to see the grandparents will probably intensify.

I assume most of you will say, "Become financially free and then you can travel all you want."

But I'm curious to hear why you live in the City you do and if you live away from family (i.e. your parents, grandparents, etc) how you deal with not seeing them often.

I'm not looking for advice as much as I'm interested to hear how you "think" about your situation.

Thanks,
Sid23 (formerly SeanS)

 

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[Edge]

I'm your age but I have 2 kids so I thought i'd weigh in.

We do live near family, our family and long time friends are the primary reasons we live here. It is very nice to have grandparents and cousins for the kids, as well as siblings and friends for us. However, we probably wouldn't of decided to stay just anywhere based solely on family being near. We do live in a NFL & MLB city, 3 BCS colleges within 2 hours, both public and private schools are consistently nationally ranked, we like the quality of life here.

I believe you are in No Cal which is a vacation destination type of place unlike where I live, but those are the factors that drove us.

 

[Jill]

I chose the DFW area because it was a large city (with a lot more opportunities for a recent college graduate with a finance degree, many years ago). It also has a hopping nightlife, but is relatively quiet if you choose a suburb or other insular neighborhood. I love the easy access to shopping, dining and a major, centrally located airport.

BUT, I did want to stay relatively close to my parents and extended family who lived just 3 hours away. It was just far enough for privacy, but close enough to make regular weekend road trips.

I would not have wanted to live any farther away from "home" than that.

My husband, on the other hand, was not as close to his family, so he doesn't seem to mind that they're spread across the country. Although, he does wish that his daughter could see the cousins more often.

 

[slim_jim]

Yes, the 3 hr drive time seems about right. Close enough for an easy weekend visit, but far enough to keep them out of our business.

 

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[Bilgefisher]

Yes, the 3 hr drive time seems about right. Close enough for an easy weekend visit, but far enough to keep them out of our business.

I agree 100%. Love my family, but the closer I am the more obligations I'm expected to attend. I'm an hour away right now, but thats still to close. If I had my druthers I would live about 2 hours away. Maybe I just need to grow a backbone, but when my niece or nephew want me to come to their b-day party, how can I say no.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

When we first married, we lived across the country from both of our families.... and we wouldn't have had it any other way.

It gave us time to grow up, grow together and have our 'own' family.

After 5 years, we moved closer to 'home.' We now live about 1 to 2 hours from most of my family and still about 12 hours from hubby's family. It is nice now to have my family closer. I still don't see them too often - - - maybe once a month (?) But they take the kids for the occasional weekend, which is GREAT!!!

For us, it is a nice distance. Not too close, but not too far away.

As for hubby's family, all of our vacations used to be to go see them. (while it was very rare for them to come see us) ~~~ After about 10 years of that, they have started to come and see us, which has been a treat!

 

[SteveO]

Amazing how it works.

I grew up in So Cal. My father relocated to Arizona about 20 years ago. My oldest daughter moved over to be close to them. I eventually moved here as well. I had grandchildren and family was a consideration. Now, my mother, brother and sister moved here also. All three of my children are here.

My wife was raised in So Cal also. Her parents moved to AZ a number of years ago. Her brother relocated here while she chose to live in a beach community. Eventually the family pull had an effect on her as well.

Seems like our families are doing their part to populate this state. It is nice to be able to easily get together on every now and again.

I will echo some of the sentiments raised. Quality of life is critical. I love to participate in outdoor activities. Sports, concerts, restaurants... all very important to me.

 

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[bflbob]

God, I'm boring...

Betsi and I lived in my parents' house for the first fifteen years after we got married. (They had moved to Florida in the meantime.)

Then her parents passed away, and we bought their house and lived there the next 15 years.

Maybe its time to find a new place for the next 15 years???

 

[SteveO]

Like maybe.... Arizona...

BFLBob - Boring for Life?

 

[slim_jim]

Tatonka-Bob

Take over the basement of your "new building". Then you could get better loan rates as owner/occupant. LOL

 

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[kurtyordy]

boring like bob as well. Married and moved into an apt building my grandfather owned. lived there for two years, now live in my grandfathers house (he moved into a nursing home) 5 minutes from my parents, 15 minutes from my inlaws. Life is good, free babysitting is a very important commodity.

 

[Yankees338]

Being 17, I still live at home, so I'm probably closer than anybody to my parents!

We live in North Jersey, though. My maternal grandparents live in the house part of my dad's office -- half of it is house, half is his office. My mom is the secretary in his office, and because my grandma lives right there, she works in the office a lot, too. Needless to say, we see those grandparents pretty often.

My other grandparents live in NYC, about an hour's drive. We see them every few weeks. They don't drive anymore, so the only way we see them is usually when one of us goes out there to pick them up for a weekend.

Our cousins are mostly split between Pennsylvania (all within about 2 hours' drive) and California (from SF to LA, and even SD for a time). We see the Pennsylvania cousins every few months or so, but we don't see the California cousins any more often than once a year. Ideally, I'd like to be closer to them.

Just an FYI: my dad's family has two kids. My dad lives here in NJ, about an hour from his parents, and my uncle lives in California, a 5-hour plane trip from his parents. I think my dad's life is a bit more stressful because of the proximity to his parents. He's usually the one stuck with helping them out when they need it, and he usually gets the calls to help with their day-to-day questions. (My grandparents are European, so I think they tend to have a little more trouble than other people their age.) Still, though, it definitely has its advantages, not the least of which is the ability to see them just about whenever we want!

 

[GoldenEggs]

I was a silly girl and chose to go to college near my then boyfriend, which is only an hour away from my family. He had moved from PA to CA to be with me so I thought it was fair. I ended up marrying someone else and staying in the area. My family is about an hour away from me.

I'm happy to live where I do but I wouldn't mind living in a different place every couple of months. I would want to come back here for the holidays so I could be with my family.

I'm not 100% sure why my family picked this area but I think it was because my grandfather was in the Navy. My dad's side was denied the USA but were allowed to immigrate to Montreal, Quebec so that side is Canadian. My parents came to the US about 2 yrs before I was born so I am happy to just be anywhere in the U.S.

 

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[LaurenO]

Having just moved, I can say that it is truly wonderful to live near family. Hubby's family is here in Phoenix and my dad and sister have FINALLY decided I was close enough to visit and are here with us for the week.

I grew up in Sun Valley, Idaho (which incidentally is a wonderful place to visit and contains a world class ski resort). I lived in Idaho all my life until I got married, and then it was off to Texas for a while. Texas was an adventure and an opportunity, but living 2,000 miles away from my family and at least 1,000 from his, I ended up feeling rather isolated. We once drove to Idaho for Christmas while living in Texas and it turned out to be the most miserable trip I have ever experienced!

I love Phoenix! I enjoy having every restaurant and shop I could ever want nearby and it's been really nice being able to drop in on and spend time with Jesse's family.:smxB: The drive home to Idaho is also manageable for visiting my family.

 

[SteveO]

and it's been really nice being able to drop in on and spend time with Jesse's family.:smxB:

Jesse's family? Sorry to say but you are right smack in the middle of it.

 

[mizchels]

It gave us time to grow up, grow together and have our 'own' family.

I moved away for that reason. I grew up and went to college in a rural area, stayed close to home and was very close to all of my family. I still am close to them at heart--I miss them dearly--but I knew in order to get my wings, I needed to branch out. Growing up in rural West Virginia, the opportunities were limited. We traveled when I was a kid and I was romanced by the Caribbean islands, where so many cultures come and go, people have all sorts of jobs and coming to start on one's own happens all the time. As soon as I had a degree to offer something and make a stab at making a living on my own, I flew the coup and came to the US Virgin Islands.

...Which I'm thrilled with, though I do miss my family. As the years come I'd like to be able to travel home more frequently; I have property there still so I know that will always be my base--and somewhere I'm sure I won't mind being when I'm older and have stretched my wings. At least part of the time.

But for now, starting out, making it on my own, all that--it's truly liberating to be away. Plus it has boosted self-confidence as I've become more self-reliant.

I guess a lot of it depends on being single or being with a family, one's age and experience, etc.:smxF:

 

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[Sid23]

I currently live in the city that is most appropriate for my career (tech industry)...

My fiancee and I will be moving soon, and the new city was based on a list of criteria that we both agreed were "must have" or "important" (including investing location). Basically, we listed the "must have" criteria for where we would live next, and there was literally only one city in the world that satisfied all criteria...

JScott, I'd be interested in hearing what criteria you looked at (generally, no need to get extremely personal!) Did you find any resources that helped with the decision making process?

My fiancee and I are at a crucial point and I think we'll need to undergo a similar process soon.

Did you feel that you were able to "accurately" assess what life would be like in Atlanta? Everything seems good us on vacation, but obviously different when you live somewhere.

Thanks!

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Really? Atlanta is liberal? Never woulda guessed it.

And.... really? No snow? I can't imagine life without it!

 

[randallg99]

interesting question.... my wife and I recently pondered about moving AWAY from our families... but concluded, or at least she prevailed that we are staying put.

I want to move either to Florida or Panama for a nicer pace of life, no snow (ditto JScott) and a lot of fishing and golf... wife prefers to continue to stay within 5 minutes away from both of our mothers, her sister and a lot of friends. We are in great school districts, we live facing the water, an hour each from mountains, shorelines, NYC and about 35 min from Phila.

Quality of life is fantastic in this part of the country (central NJ) for other reasons - many private schools, colleges, museums, quaint towns, theaters all the while the great outdoors and parks are steps from my house

all in all, the family is important and when push comes to shove, the only ones standing up for one another at the end of the day are family members...

 

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