Influenced by father?

[thelastsurvivor]

I am currently living with my dad at home. I work two jobs and looking for higher paying jobs. My dad sits at home all day and his excuse for not having a job is no one is hiring him at age 65. He is an action faker. Every time I ask him what he’s up to he says he’s helping multiple businesses which I know isn’t true and all he does is sit on his a$$ or does frivolous thing relying on his pension plan for money. I’m scared I’ll end up like him. How do you guys try not to let your parents influence you? These are the people you look up to and your first role models so seeing them be idiots with their time is hard to see

 

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[thelastsurvivor]

I am currently living with my dad at home. I work two jobs and looking for higher paying jobs. My dad sits at home all day and his excuse for not having a job is no one is hiring him at age 65. He is an action faker. Every time I ask him what he’s up to he says he’s helping multiple businesses which I know isn’t true and all he does is sit on his a$$ or does frivolous thing relying on his pension plan for money. I’m scared I’ll end up like him. How do you guys try not to let your parents influence you? These are the people you look up to and your first role models so seeing them be idiots with their time is hard to see

I’m only saying this cause right now I have to live with him and since your influenced by the 5 people you spend most with j don’t want to be lazier by being around him how would you guys circumvent this

 

[stefanlazar]

I’m only saying this cause right now I have to live with him and since your influenced by the 5 people you spend most with j don’t want to be lazier by being around him how would you guys circumvent this

Hey! I have a pretty similar situation where my dad is pretty lazy and I'm hardworking. I actually heard him saying multiple times that he'd wish to be like me.

You don't need to think that the rule is necessarily true. You might pick up some of his ways of talking and habits but he'll also pick up some of your habits. You just have to try to be as mentally strong as you can and let HIM be influenced by your good habits instead of letting yourself fall into the trap of laziness.

You just have to know that you DON'T want to be like your father and declare to yourself that you WON'T end up like that.

Again, you don't have to think that the rule will be true and you'll turn lazy. I spend a lot of time with my father but I didn't ever consider that he'd make me lazier, and he never did. Sometimes, just by worrying about a certain thing it can end up happening to you.

Wish you the best of luck, brother!

 

[Einfamilienhaus]

I am currently living with my dad at home. I work two jobs and looking for higher paying jobs. My dad sits at home all day and his excuse for not having a job is no one is hiring him at age 65. He is an action faker. Every time I ask him what he’s up to he says he’s helping multiple businesses which I know isn’t true and all he does is sit on his a$$ or does frivolous thing relying on his pension plan for money. I’m scared I’ll end up like him. How do you guys try not to let your parents influence you? These are the people you look up to and your first role models so seeing them be idiots with their time is hard to see

Well, getting a job at 65 is really difficult, especially if you didn't have a good paying job before. Your solution would be:

1. rent your own room.
2. Be understanding toward your father.
3. take the decisions he has made in his long life as motivation to do better.

 

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[Andy Black]

I am currently living with my dad at home. I work two jobs and looking for higher paying jobs. My dad sits at home all day and his excuse for not having a job is no one is hiring him at age 65. He is an action faker. Every time I ask him what he’s up to he says he’s helping multiple businesses which I know isn’t true and all he does is sit on his a$$ or does frivolous thing relying on his pension plan for money. I’m scared I’ll end up like him. How do you guys try not to let your parents influence you? These are the people you look up to and your first role models so seeing them be idiots with their time is hard to see

It seems you're judging your dad a bit. Why is he an idiot with his time when it seems he can survive on his pension and he's decided not to get a job? He has a point about people not hiring 65 year olds.

If he wants to setup a side business and is working towards it then great. If not then is that not his decision?

Has your dad done anything you're grateful for? Has he helped instill a good work ethic in you, or kept a roof over your head?

If your dad is in a bad place then what can you do to help him? Instead of trying not to let him influence you have you considered how you might influence him?

I feel a bit sorry for your dad. Obviously I dont know the full story, but imagine you work and raise your kid(s) only to retire at 65 and they think you're an action faker and an idiot.

 

[Ing]

Being 65 is no fun.
Don’t compare him to you! Maybe for him at 65 going to the toilet is like a marathon for you.
With 65 and enough money to live he has achieved more than 50% of all people.

 

[thelastsurvivor]

Being 65 is no fun.
Don’t compare him to you! Maybe for him at 65 going to the toilet is like a marathon for you.
With 65 and enough money to live he has achieved more than 50% of all people.

$1000 is a lot for him. Tbh at 65 i expect to make $1000 seem like $1. I know it sounds harsh but thats how i feel. It frustrates me that he hasnt lived up to his potential and his family has to suffer for it. I have two full time jobs so i dont ask him for money but his lazy mindset and passiveness is really frustrating.

 

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[thelastsurvivor]

It seems you're judging your dad a bit. Why is he an idiot with his time when it seems he can survive on his pension and he's decided not to get a job? He has a point about people not hiring 65 year olds.

If he wants to setup a side business and is working towards it then great. If not then is that not his decision?

Has your dad done anything you're grateful for? Has he helped instill a good work ethic in you, or kept a roof over your head?

If your dad is in a bad place then what can you do to help him? Instead of trying not to let him influence you have you considered how you might influence him?

I feel a bit sorry for your dad. Obviously I dont know the full story, but imagine you work and raise your kid(s) only to retire at 65 and they think you're an action faker and an idiot.

I have to stay home for now due to cirucmstances and i am very grateful i tell him this every single day. Its just that his laziness and mindset when i think about it frustrates me and i cant help but make it feel like it effects me. If your trying to lose weight and your parents are obese and they tell you to eat eat eat and your trying to move everyday and you see them sitting on their a$$ not doing anything complaining it will get to you.Listen I am not here just complaining i posted here to find solutions or mindsets I can have to not let this effect me as much until i can move out on my own.Again i am very gratefulf for him putting a roof over my head.

 

[REV5028]

You just have to know that you DON'T want to be like your father and declare to yourself that you WON'T end up like that.

3. take the decisions he has made in his long life as motivation to do better.

I concur with @stefanlazar and @Einfamilienhaus . It's hard not to worry about your parents (family in general) and their well being and it's hard to not see them reach what you believe to be their full potential. But at some point you have to realize that they are adults and they are the only ones who can live their lives. If you don't want to end up like your dad, then don't.

It seems you're judging your dad a bit. Why is he an idiot with his time when it seems he can survive on his pension and he's decided not to get a job? He has a point about people not hiring 65 year olds.

If he wants to setup a side business and is working towards it then great. If not then is that not his decision?

Has your dad done anything you're grateful for? Has he helped instill a good work ethic in you, or kept a roof over your head?

If your dad is in a bad place then what can you do to help him? Instead of trying not to let him influence you have you considered how you might influence him?

I feel a bit sorry for your dad. Obviously I dont know the full story, but imagine you work and raise your kid(s) only to retire at 65 and they think you're an action faker and an idiot.

I also agree with @Andy Black . Instead of projecting your desires and life ideals onto your dad, perhaps you can ask your dad more about what he wants moving forward and how he's doing.

Maybe he really does want to be working rather than being home, but maybe he's depressed and feels self-conscious about his age and is having a hard time taking actionable steps forward. This would be a great opportunity for you to offer to help spruce up his resume or show him some success stories on this forum from people his age. Or, maybe he's happy living off his pension and taking things slow with side business ideas.


I think a reasonable solution to your problem is to separate your identity from that of your dad/parents. They are their own people, and you are yours. If you don't want to "eat eat eat" what they're constantly offering, then set a boundary and kindly honor it with a "no thank you." In this case, you have the power to be influenced how you wish. If you end up being lazy, it's not your dad's fault, it's yours.

You say you're working two jobs, and it seems to stress you out (understandably). Perhaps it will help you to do the 1/5/10 plan and then set weekly/monthly goals to make sure you're saving enough money and otherwise making the moves necessary to move out.

 

[ZackerySprague]

I am currently living with my dad at home. I work two jobs and looking for higher paying jobs. My dad sits at home all day and his excuse for not having a job is no one is hiring him at age 65. He is an action faker. Every time I ask him what he’s up to he says he’s helping multiple businesses which I know isn’t true and all he does is sit on his a$$ or does frivolous thing relying on his pension plan for money. I’m scared I’ll end up like him. How do you guys try not to let your parents influence you? These are the people you look up to and your first role models so seeing them be idiots with their time is hard to see

You Abandon or ignore their influence that they have upon you. You go down a different path.

Even after so many years, I let them have an influence on my life, but yet their's no attention and abandonment. You know the usual family time that people do during the holidays and be around the table. My family never does that.

My real father abandoned me and real older sister. Also he had another kid with someone else that hey cheated on so many years ago. Last year found out that I had a half sister that he doesn't even care about, but yet he created his own family on other side the world.

My immediate family, neglected my emotional needs when I was little but took care of the physical needs and spoiled me because I was the kid who never challenged them or rebelled. I was more afraid than anything. I lived in fear.

My purpose which steams from my family is to NEVER BECOME like any of them. I WILL NEVER DO WHAT THEY DID TO MY KIDS WHEN I HAVE them.

I have rage or internalized anger and that's what drives me each and every day. When I graduated high school, my goal was to go into a career field so that I can finally support myself and remove from the picture. I recently found this out as I am currently going through therapy. I have so much anger from my younger years that I have pushed down that it's impossible to ignore now. Their's just so much anger and trauma that I had to take a break and take care of it and still am.

I would rather take a break and get my mental space taken care of before I pursue anything. That's my advice. I found out that I created an illusion or mirage of an identity that was me when I was little. I use to build websites using WordPress with Google Adsense and Affiliate marketing back in high school. I didn't know that it was called Entrepreneurship. But my idea's were dissed or not supported by my parents so I just pushed it off.

The same thing happened when I had my first success selling products on shopify 2 years ago (I was Dropshipping). When I was with my ex, I did eBay Dropshipping and made some sells. But their was always a pattern that I happened, I allowed others opinions influence my actions and so therefore I stayed on the 9 to 5 career track just in hopes to find acceptance without actually staying true to yourself. I created a mask that I can no longer keep on. I kept going without actually sitting down and taking it off for once. The job and the identity I created I achieved success and got recognition, but for what? Just to be recognized and finally be loved from my family who never paid attention, even though say they did.

As Nick Seavert said to me before actions speak louder than words. And my parent's actions both biological tell me that they don't exactly care. So why should you take stock or caring them if they don't care about you.

This is just my situation currently or my perception of my reality with my family. There's so much estrangement going on I believe, that it's so unhealthy.

So for me, I'm not going allow them to influence me anymore, or let others opinions influence my decisions of who I am. I am on a self-discovery journey and still trying to figure this stuff out.

So I'd say don't let them influence you at all. Go the exact opposite route. If you want success GO OUT THERE and get it and not let them influence you by ANY MEANS. Only you know what's best for you and no one else does! Stay truthful to yourself, ALWAYS!

Or you go option #2:

Try to help them in anyway, but theirs's a caveat to this. You can give them advice or try to help them. But only they can change themselves. If you notice that you are just talking to them and they aren't taking any kind of action whatsoever, and you notice this pattern after so many attempts to try and help them by being that family member who cares when they complain about a problem that they have. Sometimes it's better to walk away at the point. It's only until they have a spiral down to the bottom that they will then change themselves. Their has to be an catastrophic event in my eye's for people to recognize that they need to change.

 

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[thelastsurvivor]

After being away from posting this i realize i havent been taking full responsiblity over my life and chose to put a little blame into outside influences. Its on me. Thank you for the responses and advices everyone