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O/T: Funnies If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one!

Discussion in 'Off Topic: Sports, Funnies, Pop-Culture' started by JesseO, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. JesseO
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    JesseO Contributor

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    This is the funniest breakup letter in the world. Make sure your volume is turned up so that you can hear the guy who is reading it. I laughed sooooo hard and for so long that it would be a shame to not share it with you guys :smilielol::smilielol::smilielol: The link is below...

    http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
     
  2. Russ H
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    Russ H Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    I dunno JesseO.

    I read lots of hurt. When I turn the volume up, I hear lots of sarcasm and ridicule.

    Hate is the aftermath of Love for lots of people.

    They still have very strong feelings for a person and can't reconcile this with being apart, so they "hate" them and use their emotions to push the other person away.

    Plenty of songs written about this. Big Yellow Taxi is my favorite.

    I realize the reader on your link thinks this is hilarious . . . but to me, it's just another breakup letter: Sad, full of pain, and a pretty good written record of feelings/stream of consciousness as the words/pain spill out.

    But hey, I'm a weird dude.

    Lots of humor out there I don't think is funny.

    Most of what I find un-funny are things that make fun of someone else. Which this does.

    -Russ H.
     
  3. SteveO
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    SteveO Legendary Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Sounds like it was a wonderful relationship. Too bad it had to end....

    :smx6::smx6::smx6::smx6::smx6:
    :smx4::smx4::smx4::smx4::smx4::smx4::smx4:
    :smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD::smxD:
     
  4. JesseO
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    JesseO Contributor

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    To me it epitomizes the idiocy of many shallow people....but hey that's me :smxB: I love dumb ppl :bgh:

    Edit: N0+ sur3 1f h1gh sch001 i$ teh same now as it usta B, but there are so many people out there who even talk like this that it's a shame they're even in school. Take it all with a grain of salt ;-)
     
  5. MJ DeMarco
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    MJ DeMarco Raving Lunatic Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Wow. I'm speechless. This is our future. Has this girl ever heard of a period? A comma? Spell check?

    These young girls are so corrupted by MTV, Paris Hilton, Brats, and all of the Hollywood grab-a$$ glamour, that their mind decomposes into nothingness.
     
  6. yveskleinsky
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    yveskleinsky Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Ok- so I wasn't able to get the volume working the first time I came across this- so I didn't find it funny at all. Actually found it to be sad and raw with pain. ...Totally takes me back to 6th grade! What drama!

    So I tried it again on my home computer thinking, "maybe it is funnier with the volume up". YES- holy crap this is hilarious. I mean, not the whole "sad and raw with pain" part, but the narrators voice. lol. :rofl:
     
  7. Rawr
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    Rawr Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    I agree its not the funniest thing in the world but it is funny in it's own way. I am imagining this 12-16 something girl sitting there incoherently spewing gibberish all over her keyboard as her fingers are trying to catch up with her mouth. She throws the logic out the window by the second sentence and just goes with raw emotional force- the only problem is, nobody gives a shit - in this world (as she will soon learn) the ability to put your thoughts and arguments together goes a long way; nothing is more sad than a really good looking girl who thinks that she is smart and opens her mouth to argue.


    Russ that car is wicked, what is it?
     
  8. Russ H
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    Russ H Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    One could make the same arguement about guys, RAWR.

    -Russ H.

    PS It's a Mazda concept car. Called a "Takai"
     
  9. S928
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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    SteveO's comment is funnier than the letter itself. Man, I found the letter to be sad; for some reason, I focused more on the horrible grammar than on the letter's actual content.
     
  10. yveskleinsky
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    yveskleinsky Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Keep in mind she is probably 13, and she found a new love of her life about 3 days after this letter was written! :)
     
  11. JesseO
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    JesseO Contributor

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    From what I can tell from the website, they only "dated" for a couple days. See tha part where she says "You only went out with me so you would have a date for the dance" etc... Not like it was some sort of long term relationship. Overlooking the context, the funny part of this is that "ppl typ liek this cuz they have no idea wut their sayin or typin n stuffz." This is what high school is like for many kids. It's sad, I admit. It's funny how overblown and dramatic things can get though. I personally would hate to see anyone go through a hard time or breakup, but this letter is the essence of stupidity and drama as far as I can see, so I found it to be very funny. In any case, take it for what it is, and I hope some of you get a kick out of how it's written and read aloud =) :icon_super:
     
  12. Russ H
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    Russ H Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    JesseO-

    At the risk of me sounding even stupider than I am (hard to do, I know), I just figured that her weird writing was due more to the fact that she was writing with the same words/grammar as she text messaged.

    Since I don't use text messaging, I really don't have a clue if that's the case.

    But that's what I thought when I first read it.

    Any avid text messengers out there?

    -Russ H.
     
  13. yveskleinsky
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    yveskleinsky Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Nope. Her bad grammar and spelling are not related to text messaging. Most jr.high kids (unfortunately) seem to spell like this. ...When I was working with Jr.High/High School girls this type of writing was the norm...as was this level of drama. :smx4:
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2007
  14. JesseO
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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Exactly :p

    P.S. For everyone who clicks the link...like I said, make sure your volume is up so you can hear the person reading it =)
     
  15. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    I can't believe we are discussing this!!!! We must have very few deals to analyze and do. And no, I didn't find it funny... terrible grammar really turned me off and the guy reading it just made it worse... Come, we can get funnier things than this... an wit beter gramer :D
     
  16. Rawr
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    Rawr Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Very true andviv, but then again who am I to speak, I just bought xbox 360 with 24 games and xbox live, can't be thinking business ALL the time right?


    But I did read over 50 pages of RK's Investment book today - I tell ya - this guy's genius is that he writes it so it can be easily read. I'd rather read 10 of his books than one of my Investments books
     
  17. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    I agree, shouldn't be thinking business and deals all the time

    A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

    The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

    That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.

    So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.

    Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response.

    So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.

    So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" "Ralph, for the FIFTH time - CHICKEN!"
     
  18. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    "Hello, Boss Rod? This is Philemon, the gardener at your country estate. I have been trying for to speak with Boss now many days." "Ah yes, Philemon. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Mista, Rod, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the National competition?" "Yebo Boss, that's is the one."

    "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird." "What did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat, Mista, Rod" "Rotten meat? Who in this world fed him rotten meat?" "Nobody, Boss. He ate the meat of the dead horse." "Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Mista, Rod." "My prize thoroughbred is dead?" "Yes Boss Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

    "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire, Boss" "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house, Boss! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire." "What the!!?? Are you saying that my house is destroyed because of a candle??!! "Yes Boss Rod."

    "But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?" "For the funeral, Mista Rod."

    "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?" "Of your madam wife, Boss Rod... She showed up one night when telling nobody she was coming and I thought she was a robber, so I hit her with Boss's new Tiger Woods Limited Edition Nike Driver."

    SILENCE...
    LONG SILENCE...
    FINALLY...

    "Philemon, if you broke that driver, you're in deep, deep sh!t!"
     
  19. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    A younger soldier comes back from a 10 month's tour of duty to find his girlfriend 6 month's pregnant and that she claimed it was his. As he loved her so much he thought that he would go to the doctor and ask if his girlfriend was telling the truth. After explaining the situation to the doctor, the doctor thought for a moment and said, "This is what we call a grudge pregnancy". The young soldier asked "What's a grudge pregnancy?" to which the doctor replied "Someone had it in for you".
     
  20. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

    The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

    The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

    The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

    The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

    The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!" The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck!"
     
  21. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

    One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

    The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab" said the angry driver.

    The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

    When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabby replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
     
  22. andviv
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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "Piss off". They said "Come on, it's for spastics and blind kids." Then I thought... "Heck, I could win this."
     
  23. andviv
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    andviv Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.- Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

    But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of beer that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the beer aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the beer is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

    As I head toward the kitchen with the beer, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered. I set the beer down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

    Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

    At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm bottle of beer sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my cheque book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy ALL DAY LONG, and I'm really tired.

    I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail...
     
  24. andviv
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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
     
  25. andviv
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    Re: If you only click on one of my humor posts, click on this one

    There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.

    Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.

    The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.

    "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall"
     

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